Friendship is Religious

by Remag

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Alternate Universe, Human, Twilight Sparkle, Tirek, Drama, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 2925

Twilight Sparkle loses a potential friend. However, she gains something odd in return... (i dont know what to put as a cover just trust me my story's probably good)

A human in Equestria who just wanted some peace will learn to live side by side with the chaos of everyday life in Ponyville. Though, the way he does is a bit...

Shall we say...

Un-orthodox?

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Okay, look, uh, this was initially a comedy focused story with a few minor story beats and the it spiraled out of control into a minor drama. I think this works better honestly and perhaps I may do a sequel which focuses ON the comedy, but I felt like doing this, so feel free to share your thoughts! If you don't like the story, tell me why so I can make it better or revise some things!

Published 2023-01-27 17:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2023-01-27 17:40:01 UTC

The Story (no way never could've imagined)

It was a fairly average day in Ponyville: sounds of laughter filling the air, the city of Canterlot glowing in the darkness, a large, red centaur sucking out the magic of all living creatures.

So, okay, maybe it was a little more hectic than normal, but for Alex, it was just another Saturday. Every single time, the ponies do something which riles up the whole town and suddenly everyone's panicking over nothing. Really, it's amazing how long they've lasted as a species. Perhaps that was thanks to the Princesses; though, seeing as one of them is an instigator of most of these "episodes", maybe not.

Regardless, Alex shut his doors, locked all of the locks on said doors, closed the windows, boarded up all entrances, and began to wait for the only sane pony in the town, Pinkie Pie. Sure, she was a bit silly… and broke any and all laws of physics to the point where she actually sent them to a mental hospital, but she was sweet when she needed to be. Nonetheless, she always managed to get into his house no matter how much he locked it up, so instead of fighting it, he made a deal with the devil and had her inform her when the events were over. In fact, she should be here any moment now.

…Any second…

Suddenly, furious knocking could be heard on the other side.

“Alex… you… need to run!” Came the unnaturally scared voice of Pinkie on the other side of the door. Alex stood up and bolted to the door.

“Pinkie? What’s going on? If this is another attempt to get me to be friends with your friends, this isn’t funny!” Alex could feel the hardened glare through the door.

“No! Big bad meanie stealing magic…! I ran here to try to warn you before you locked up but…” He could hear her struggling to catch her breath. At this point, Alex was panicking slightly; Pinkie wasn’t one to lose her breath that easily, or, at all really. And her not just appearing in his house to warn him of this made him all the more worried, “…you just need to run! Unlock your back door… and just go!”

Before he could even take a step, he heard a loud laugh, the same one from earlier, and a loud explosion. “Oh no… he’s here, Alex! Run!” Her voice faded away as she was seemingly moved away from the door before the roof was violently ripped off to reveal the man-horse himself, Tirek.

“Hm? You’re not a pony. What exactly are you, I wonder? If you’re so-called 'friends' with that pink creature, I’m sure you’ll help with bargaining.” Before Alex could get a word off, he was being forcefully gripped in Tirek’s magic and carried over to where the others were being held, a small cage in a cave close to Ponyville. Looking around, he could see the fine town of Ponyville; in all honesty, he could have left long ago, but he grew attached to the small town despite the antics it gets up to. That and he figures that the bigger the city, the bigger the antics would happen.

Pinkie looked up to see Tirek return with Alex in his magic with a tear in her eye, “Alex…” He was roughly thrown into the cage, which, isn’t exactly the best for a human who doesn’t go outside all that much. Alex’s face slammed into the bottom of the cage, thankfully not breaking anything but his nose, but still causing him great amounts of pain.

“Gah! God… augh!” Alex moaned for a minute, trying to get his bearings; magic always made him feel disoriented, and being chucked into what felt like solid steel did not help matters in the slightest.

Pinkie walked up to him, “I’m… I’m sorry. If I’d been there sooner, you…” Alex held up a hand to her muzzle.

“No, no. You weren’t able to do your weird teleporting trick. That wasn’t your fault. I wouldn’t be surprised if your power was linked to your magic in some capacity.” Alex slowly stood up and examined the cage they were all in before noticing a certain figure among the ponies, "What... or, who is that?" The creature gave a small smile and wave before Applejack spoke up.

"That thing is Discord. He's the reason we're all in here instead of fighting out there." Applejack scowled at him before looking away quickly, "He was supposed to STOP Tirek. All he did was just joining him in his conquest for power." The aforementioned draconequus cringing at the way he was talked about.

Alex looked back and forth between the two of them, "And... he's in here with us because...?"

This time, it was Rainbow Dash who spoke up, "Tirek took his magic and tossed him in here with the rest of us. Serves him right for betraying us!"

Alex watched as Discord sulked and was just about to ask a few questions, but just when he opened his mouth, bubbles appeared around all of them and they flew up to see the devastation Tirek had on the environment. Mountains had holes in them, parts of Ponyville were on fire and… the Golden Oaks was completely destroyed. Nothing but ashes. Alex sighed as he saw Spike also float from a bubble near the library. He was safe. Spike’s the one that convinced Twilight not to disassemble him after all. Or, rather, he’s pretty sure that’s what he made her not do. Didn’t believe magic existed at first.

“…how about a trade, Princess Twilight?” Alex snapped out of his thoughts to see a purple alicorn facing off against the mountain sized beast. “Their release for all the alicorn magic in Equestria.” Was alicorn magic more powerful than regular magic? Alex pondered this for a moment; he was under the assumption that alicorn magic was just the combination of all three major tribes.

Applejack was first to speak up, but was instantly drowned out by the rest of the ponies protesting against Tirek’s proposal. Alex stayed quiet the whole time trying to figure out what the best choice here was when Tirek got impatient.

“Enough! I want an answer, and I want it now!”

Alex could see Twilight’s wings fold in on themselves, “I will give you my magic… in exchange for my friends.”

Tirek sneered, “As you wish.” The five ponies floated down to Twilight and their bubbles popped.

“All of my friends.”

Tirek’s eyes narrowed, “Even after the way he betrayed you, you still call him friend?”

Twilight did the same, “Release them!”

“If that is what you wish.” Discord floated down after them, leaving Alex still by Tirek.

"This isn't funny, Tirek." But all he did was smile.

"You asked for your friends, you got your friends. Don't think I haven't heard of your escapades with this fellow. Magic tells tales that mortals are reluctant to," Tirek let out a belly laugh, "In fact, why don't we ask the creature in question?" Alex was brought down in between Twilight and Tirek, "Now then, who would you rather be with? The soon-to-be king of all creatures? Or the lowly princess who will soon be robbed of her power?"

Alex looked between the two choices. On one hand, the only pony in Twilight's little circle that he actually enjoys being around is Pinkie Pie and he would rather her live than anything. On the same hand, but a different finger, the best way to keep her safe would likely be staying with Tirek, but what about him? Would he still be fine?

Tirek chuckled, “The fact he’s said nothing tells a depressing tale, don’t you think?” Twilight said nothing, “No retort? No angry comment about how I better let him go?”

Twilight kept her hardened face, but her ears fell slightly, “If he doesn’t want to come with us, he doesn’t have to.” The others gasped and looked at Twilight.

Pinkie walked up to her, “Twilight…”

Her voice began to crack, “I-it’s okay, girls. I’m fine.” Tirek began to draw on Twilight’s magic as he grew even further. Alex just watched this unfold as he was grabbed by a massive red hand.

“Now leave. You have nothing more that I want. I have some business to take care of." Alex was carried off, with their destination being Canterlot.

----------<--->----------

They were a few minutes off from Ponyville when Tirek stopped to examine the human. Alex squirmed in Tirek's grasp, which only served to make him squeeze harder.

"You have no magic, creature. What could they possibly want from you?" Tirek's didn't wait for an answer, "Perhaps you were an experiment gone wrong of some sort. Their magic did have a certain bitter taste towards you, so then why haven't they just imprisoned you yet?" Alex attempted to speak up, only to have his lungs crushed by the centaur's fist, "It's likely they knew I was coming after the missing pony reports came out and they attempted to create a weapon without magic so I couldn't take it." He gave off a low chuckle, "The fools. They forget just how strong I truly am."

Tirek threw Alex onto solid ground and stood above him, "Though, I do rather enjoy having assurance of my success. If you truly ARE a threat to me, I will personally see to it that you are destroyed." He raised a hoof over Alex and began to stomp

Alex attempted to escape, to no avail, "P-please... I-I just... someone save me..." He whispered the last part, almost like a prayer to a divine entity; and like a divine entity, a sphere of pure magic enveloped him at the last moment and completely blocked Tirek's assault.

Tirek seethed, "WHAT?! I thought you had no magic!"

Another, familiar voice cried out, "He doesn't, at least, not in the form that you know it!" The magic around Alex began to repair his body, enough to where he looked over and saw the winged unicorn with a white aura around her and white glowing eyes; Alex paled.

Twilight's stared directly at Tirek when she spoke, "I may have given you my Alicorn magic, but I carry within me the most powerful magic of all!" The other five ponies circled around her as a rainbow shot up into the sky, causing Alex to gape and Tirek to attempt to punch the six ponies, but before he could, the rainbow hit him and he began to shrink, "No! No, no, NO! My powers!" Tirek screamed as he reverted back into a magicless form.

Twilight teleported Tirek into Canterlot’s royal dungeons and rushed over to Alex, “Are you okay? How bad does it hurt? How many hooves am I holding up?!”

Alex groaned and stood up, “I’m fine… thank you ma’am.”

“'Ma’am'?”

“Yes, ma’am, I would never disrespect the goddess of friendship.”

Author's Note

would you believe me if i told you this was supposed to be a dumb 1k word story that was more comedy than drama? no? neither do i because this somehow came out of it.

Epilogue

Alex woke up on Friday, in the short time since he had accepted Twilight's apology, despite the fact he had protested against it momentarily, he had been doing a lot for the community such as: helping out the local school teacher, using his height to grab things that earth ponies couldn't, and starting a religion based around the idea of friendship! Whether this is a bad thing or not, no one is entirely sure; Twilight is apprehensive, but accepting of this new following, mostly due to the thanks of Celestia writing her a letter and Twilight's own personal research into the matter.

A knock came from the door to his house which nearly made Alex freeze up, but quickly calmed down once he realized the knocks were slow and deliberate. He walked over and opened the door to be face to face with the local mailmare, Derpy.

"A friendly day, Alex!" she beamed.

"A friendly day to you too, Derpy. I'm afraid I have a few things to do today, so I cant talk too much. What 'cha got for me today?"

Derpy reached into her mailbag and fished out a few letters and bills, "Since you're coming out of your house more, a few ponies have written you some thank you letters for helping them! Cheerilee especially was struggling with the foals' work and was highly appreciative of your assistance!"

Alex smiled, "She told me as much, yes, I wasn't expecting a card though. I'll have to thank her for that later. What about bills? Anything I can pay now?"

Derpy's eyes widened, "Oh, right! That's why I brought up Cheerilee in the first place! She forgot to give you money for your time, so she offered to pay for your house bills for the next month!"

Alex followed suit, "Wait, really? I was just trying to be nice, I wasn't expecting payment! Would... it be rude to say no to it?"

Derpy frowned slightly, "A bit, yes. Even if you didn't accept this form of payment, most ponies would take that as a sign that it's not enough and try to go bigger."

Alex took a glance at the clock, 9:28, "Ah, Derpy, this conversation has been fun, but I really gotta go." Derpy nodded and handed him the mail, which he placed on a table before waving goodbye to the mare, "Friends!"

"Friends!" She waved back.

----------<--->----------

Alex made it to the town hall just in time, with Princess Celestia and Twilight both waiting there for him. Celestia looked highly amused at the whole thing whilst Twilight continued to hold a worried expression. He bowed to Celestia and held a deeper bow towards Twiight, this only served to increase both of their emotions.

"It has come to my attention that you wish to create a religion revolving around my previous student, Princess Twilight Sparkle, is that correct, Alex O'Riley?" Alex nodded, "Might I ask what exactly your religion would be about so that I may understand what it is you wish to do?"

"Yes, Princess, the friendship religion will be one of love and harmony, teaching to all the good works that Goddess Twilight," Twilight flushed at this, "has done for us all in her quest for friendship."

"Goddess Twilight? Intriguing. I will admit, this is one of the better religions I have seen spring up, though, it does concern me slightly. I would like to ask a few questions before I recognize this as a religion."

It was this that made Twilight stop gawking and turn her attention towards the mare of the sun, "Wait, what?! I thought you-"

But Celestia already had a rebuttal prepared, "He has said that all he wants to do is share your lessons with the world. Is that truly so bad?"

"W-well, no, but-"

She leaned in to Twilight's ear to whisper, "You're immortal now, Twilight, this would either happen sooner or later, but I'm glad it's happening at a time I can help you through it. I do have my fair share of experience with dealing with religions based around alicorns." Celestia smiled at her while Twilight processed the statement.

The alicorn of the sun focused on Alex, for a moment, it felt as if she were judging his very soul, "Alex O'Riley, Might I ask how you want to go about teaching using Twilight's reports?" He could swear it was getting warmer.

"I... Hm... I would try to set up a central church as a center for learning about friendship. Perhaps a portion of it could be used to teach children as well." The room grew warmer.

"And how would you teach them exactly?"

Alex looked confused, "Through... talking? Active demonstrations? Like a normal school? I don't understand the question..." The temperature returned to normal and Celestia seemed to let out a relieved sigh.

"Very well. I do not see an issue with recognizing this. If you would like, and if Twilight agrees, I shall give you some of her reports to me in order for you to properly teach her lessons." Alex looked to Twilight and smiled nervously.

Twilight sighed, "I... suppose having more ponies learn about friendship isn't a bad thing."

She nodded, "Then it shall be done. I hope to see you soon, Alex." She then teleported away, back to Canterlot.

Twilight spoke up, "So... what are you going to do now?"

Alex shifted, a bit nervously, "I... suppose I should build a church. Does your library have any books I could borrow to help me along, goddess?"

Twilight cringed, "Please don't call me goddess to my face. This whole thing still makes me a bit uncomfortable."

Alex bowed, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I did not mean to offend, I'm still new to this whole thing."

"Friendship?"

"Religion."

Twilight cocked her head, "Oh? Mind telling me more?"

"I... would really rather not if that is alright with you, ma'am."

Twilight nodded sagely, "You don't have to if you don't want to."

"Thank you."

"I'm sorry if it seems like I don't want to be your friend, but religion isn't something normally done in Equestria. It's odd having someone make one of you. I... would still like to be your friend if you'd let me?" Twilight gave a small smile.

Alex grinned, "I would be honored, ma'am."

Author's Note

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