After the Aftermathby OlimarandLouieChapters1 - True Darkness2 - Sight Without Sight3 - Forlorn Friendship4 - The Only Thing That Lasts Forever1 - True DarknessPain. Darkness. Agony. Cold. Wet. I can't breathe. I try to open my eyes but there is something wrong with them. The frigid moisture is all around me, and everything hurts. I can't breathe. I try to scream, but the pain fills my mouth and chokes me further. I can't... "Doctor? Doctor! She's awake!" I can breathe. It is still dark, but I can breathe. "Sweetie, are you okay? Can you hear me?" The voice sounds like an elderly mare. I groan, then wince. My voicebox hurt immensely, and a faint taste of salt lingers at the back of my throat. Another voice speaks. "Are you okay, Miss? How do you feel?" Younger. Male. "Water..." I manage to sputter. I hear one of them trot away and return just as quickly. I reach out a hoof and take the glass from them. "How did you...?" The male voice says with a tone of disbelief. I pay him no mind as I quickly gulp down the water. It sears my throat, but I drink all of it. "How are you feeling?" the male says once again. I breathe deeply. The pain isn't as severe. Still there, but I can speak. "I'm... not sure." I reach a hoof up to rub my head, only to discover a cloth wrapped around my forehead. I feel it covering my eyes as well. I try to remove it, but they stop me. "Oh, we don't want to do that just yet, sweetie..." the old mare says as she gently guided my hoof away from the blindfold. Her voice reminds me of my grandmother. My grandmother... I try to rise from the bed, but it feels like all of my limbs are asleep. The old mare gently restrains me again. I sigh. "My family. I need to see them." "Of course," the male says. He seems to be holding a pen and a clipboard. "Can you tell us your name so we can help you find them?" "Yeah. My name is..." I stop. My name... What is it? "Could you tell us your name, sweetie?" the old mare says. My breathing quickens. I try to picture my family, but they look fuzzy. My home is as well. I try to recall something, anything. One image rises to the forefront of my thoughts, clearer than all of the rest. A zebra. Female. There's something about her that sends shivers down my spine. She's holding something sharp. Her eyes are a dull red, and her stripes are... "Purple?" "Your name is Purple?" the stallion says with a stifled chuckle. I shake my head. "No. it's just..." My voice trails off as I desperately try to recall my name. It feels like I'm looking at myself through a blurred mirror. "...I can't remember." Both of them exchange a worried look at each other. Wait, how do I know that? The old mare speaks with a tender voice. "Sweetie... do you know where you live?" A scene of flaming debris flashes through my mind. Burning buildings. Mortar strikes rain from the sky as I take cover in a house with three ponies. No, wait, they're zebras. Two big, one small. We hug each other tightly. They aren't my family, but I fear for them all the same. My breathing gets ragged. The stallion asks a more specific question. "Do you know what the name of your hometown is?" The small zebra tells me he's scared. I tell him that it's okay to be scared. Being scared allows you to be brave. One of the older zebras smiles at me. It's filled with worry, but I can tell she appreciates me. I hear some yelling in the distance. An evacuation order. Suddenly, the ceiling explodes. Wood splinters fly everywhere. I try to shield us with my wings, as foolish as that is, but thankfully only a few splinters get into my feathers. I feel a few cuts along the base of my wings. I shiver as the old mare holds my hoof. "...I d-don't know." The stallion sighs. I try to stretch my wings, but something feels off. I have something wrapped around my wings. A bandage? After a moment, the stallion seems to set down his clipboard. "Well Miss, I suppose we should inform you of where you are, then. You are in the Sunnyside Intensive Care Center in Baltimare. My name is Squeaky Clean, and I'm the doctor who has been treating you while you were asleep." Asleep? I feel a pit of dread in my stomach. The old mare senses my anxiety and attempts to comfort me. "H-How long?" I dare to ask. The stallion seems to have an apprehensive expression. But I can't see him...? "Perhaps it would be best if we waited to answer that question. Are you hungry? We have yogurt or fruit if you would like some." As if on cue, my stomach growls. I try to calm myself, but my voice still shakes. "Y-Yes." The old mare releases my hoof. "I'll be right back, sweetie." She leaves me alone with the doctor. It sounds like he's writing something down, but soon he starts to ask me more questions. "What is the last thing you remember?" A scene fills my mind. The zebra with purple stripes. We are arguing. I don't know what we're arguing about, but I'm upset with her. She screams. Then there is nothing. Just thinking about it causes me to shake. Did something bad happen? "I was with a zebra. We were... fighting?" "Ah, a zebra." He says as if that explains everything. "Do you know what happened to you?" I try to recall the scene again, but every time she screams, there is a void after that. "No." I hear the old mare return. "Here is some strawberry yogurt, sweetie. Would you like me to help you eat it?" My hooves feel more familiar now. "I can do it," I say. She places a small bowl of yogurt and a spoon on a tray and guides my hooves to them. They're still trembling, but I can use them. I taste the yogurt. It's delicious, but it makes my stomach queasy at the same time. I decide to eat it later. The doctor speaks again. "We need to gather some papers, then we'll be back to talk some more. Will you be all right while we're gone?" "Yes." I say as I procrastinate eating more yogurt. I don't want them to leave, but... I need to know. Their hoofsteps become quieter as I hear a door close. I wait for a few minutes, then reach a hoof up to my blindfold. My breathing quickens again. I need to see what I look like. Just as I start loosening the blindfold, I realize something: There's something else covering my eyes. I set the blindfold down and gently feel around them. There are two pads gently secured to my upper face, both seem to obstruct my eyes. My heartbeat quickens. I delicately try to pry one off, and- The door opens again, startling me. I hear a gasp. It's the doctor. "Miss, please don't touch that." I stop fiddling with the pads. "Are my eyes hurt?" I gulp. He sighs again. I hear the shuffling of some papers. He is quiet for a moment. "You were on the brink of death when you were brought into my care. You were hypothermic and had lost a lot of blood due to multiple major wounds. Additionally, you had such severe infections that we had to fly in Mage Meadowbrook herself to heal you. Even then, there was only so much she could do." The pit in my stomach grows larger. "Can... can I see?" Silence again. "You... won't be able to. Your eyes were gouged out." He pauses. "I'm sorry. There was nothing we could do." It's dark. It's so dark. I can't see. The old mare returns. She places her hoof on mine again. "There there, sweetie. You're alive, and that's what's important." Her words are filled with comfort, but they bring me nothing but despair. I'm blind. "There is also the matter of your wing," the doctor continues. I don't know if I can take much more. "The infection where your left wing was severed was so severe that..." There is a ringing in my ears; I can no longer hear him. My wing was severed. I lost my wing. I can't fly. I try to sob, but there are no tears. "...though there are prosthetic options available, I'm sorry to say that you will likely never be able to fly again." I will never see again. I will never fly again. I'm back in the house in the burning city. The zebras and I huddle together as we hide from the violence outside. I hear explosions close by. Screaming cut short by gunfire. There is banging at the door. One of the older zebras; the father, maybe? He tells us to wait here. The small zebra begs him not to leave. The older one grabs a pistol and leaves our hiding spot for the door. I leave our hiding spot and peek around the corner, too curious for my own good. Before he reaches the door, there is a bang. He is dead before he hits the ground. The door busts open and several robed zebras storm in. They fire additional bullets into his body to make sure he's dead. One of them spots me. "Sweetie? It'll be okay. We're for you." the old mare gently squeezes my hoof, bringing me back to reality. "C-Colthage." I choke out. I rub my muzzle as I sniffle, then cough. "I was in Colthage, I think." I can't see him, but I know that the doctor takes a step back in shock. "I... see..." There is silence again. The old mare takes her hoof off of mine. She seems hesitant to ask me a question. "Were you... with them? The zebras there?" Purple. They were all wearing purple. Gas masks too. One of them chases after me. I don't have anywhere to run, so I stop before I reach our hiding spot. I don't want them to find the others. My bravery falters the moment I see the muzzle of a rifle appear. I sob, but I don't look away. The zebra points her gun at me but does not shoot. She asks me how many are left. I say that it's just me. She notices my vision briefly flicker to the closet behind me. She fires her gun repeatedly at the closet. I hear two screams. I turn to see if they're okay, but something tough hits my head. With that memory at the forefront of my mind, I answer the old mare. "Yes." The doctor seems to lose his composure, if but for a moment. "Tartarus, did we really save one of them?" The old mare attempts to calm him. "Doctor Clean, watch yourself. We treat all patients equally here, regardless of their... affiliation." I don't understand what they're talking about. "One of who?" I say. My throat hurts again. "The Ascendancy," he says as he grits his teeth. "Are you with the Ascendancy?" There is a gunshot. I find myself in a large crowd, mostly zebras. I see a few ponies out of maybe two hundred. We're all surrounded by purple-clad zebras with guns. There is a burning pile of griffon and zebra bodies near us. A zebra mare stands atop a pedestal. She is also dressed in purple, but her robes are fancier than the armed guards. She preaches to us. I can't hear her over the murmurs of the crowd around me. A few rowdy zebras are pulled from the crowd and shot. Some of us panic, but their cries are also silenced by gunfire. She continues preaching to us. I hear the words "salvation" and "purity" thrown around. More of us are executed for being disrespectful. By the end of her sermon, roughly half of us are dead. They chain the remainder of us and take us away. I shake my head to clear that horrible image. "Who is that?" I say. "Maybe she was imprisoned by them, doctor." says the old mare, "She seems to have lost her memory." "That's..." he says as the fierceness leaves his voice. He sighs again. "I apologize for my outburst. I've lost too many friends to those fanatics." "Who is the Ascendancy?" I ask again. The doctor takes off his glasses. He has glasses? "They are pure unfiltered evil. We thought the changelings were bad, but they were nothing compared to these demons. The Ascendancy is what the Colthaginian Republic used to be years ago until it was taken over by insane equine race purists. They preach about how 'avians' are the root of all evil, and how zebras, ponies, changelings, kirin, and so on are all pieces of some dead god nopony has ever heard of. In the span of about eight years, they somehow managed to annihilate Hippogriffia as well as the entire continent of Griffonia. Most hippogriffs, or seaponies now I suppose, escaped underwater, but as for the griffons... I would be surprised if there were even a million of them left." My breath is shaky. "That's awful," I say. I cough again. He continues. "They even went after some pony nations for harboring griffon refugees. Fortunately, Equestria still stands, but many doubt our ability to actually defeat these cultists if they were to launch a full-scale attack on us. It's a mystery as to why they haven't done so yet." I am back in Colthage. I'm in a laboratory with about thirty other zebras, most of whom are in chains with me. A bald zebra with tinted, round glasses, a gray surgical mask, and a suit is inspecting our group. Unlike every other zebra that has ordered us around, this one isn't wearing all purple. Only a purple tie. He asks us for a volunteer. There is silence, then one of us steps forward. The bald zebra thanks us, then dismisses the rest of us. We are escorted out of the building. There is a scream behind us that increases in intensity until their voice box cracks and shatters. "Worst of all," the doctor adds on, "they deem any equine who they do not like a 'crypto-avian'. A ridiculous term if you ask me, but they seem to treat 'crypto-avians' worse than actual avians themselves. Unspeakable torture and an agonizing death are all that await those unfortunate enough to be-" "I think she's heard enough, doctor," the old mare interrupts him, "Why don't we ask her some of those questions we talked about?" "Right. Thank you, nurse." The doctor puts his glasses back on as he picks up his clipboard again. He examines it, and... How do I know this?! I can't see him! "You're wearing glasses," I say. "That's correct. How did you know that?" he says with genuine curiosity. I don't know how I knew that. "I... heard you put them on." I lie. If I'm going crazy, I don't want them to think that. I can tell he suspects something. "Right... Well, I have some questions I need to ask you. Some of them we've already covered, but I'll need to ask them again as the procedure demands." I nod in understanding. He asks me several questions. Most of them I can't answer. How old am I? Where am I from? Do I have any family? He moves to more specific questions to try and gauge how bad my memory loss is. What was the last major event I recalled? When did the war with the changelings end? Who are the princesses of Equestria? The doctor finishes writing something. "It seems to me that the last thing you can sort of recall is the Third Colthaginian Civil War. Do you know how long ago that was?" I shake my head. "That was ten years ago." But it seemed like it was just yesterday... "How long have I been here?" I ask. His voice is hesitant again. "You've been asleep here for nearly four years. You were brought in by a beach lifeguard who claimed that he saw a seapony drop you off on the shore." He pauses. "You wouldn't happen to know any seaponies or hippogriffs, would you?" I've been asleep for four years, I thought. I feel like that should bother me more. "I've never met a seapony before," I say. "I think I would remember that..." "Memory can be a funny thing, Miss. And speaking of memory, if you don't recall your name, what would you like us to call you? Patient #18 isn't exactly a normal name for ponies." He chuckles at the end. My name... What is it? The doctor notices me staring off into space again. "Try to think of a name," he suggests, "Something important to you, something that you've heard many times before." I see multiple places I don't remember going to. A land of horses, a land of kirin, a desolate desert, a flooded oasis. All those and more, and yet one thing seems to remain constant in all of them. I'm with someone else... a zebra, I think. We're traveling. I hear a word repeated over our travels. One word that fills my mind over and over until... "Guide," I say with a trembling voice, "I am... I am the Guide." Author's Note She's alive. 2 - Sight Without SightThe whips crack. The whimpers are deafening. I can't do this. I'm crying. My hooves stop moving. The others keep moving. I can't do this. They shove a gun to my head and order me to punish the crypto-avian. I can't... "Come on, sweetie. One hoof in front of the other." I can do this. Running may be out of reach for now, but I can do this. "Just one step at a time," says Sweet Cream. At least, I'm pretty sure that's the old mare's name. She told me once before, but I was distracted. I move my foreleg forward. It's wobbling. I can't see where I'm going. I'm reminded of that silly game I would play with my friends long ago, where we dared each other to walk as far as we could with our eyes closed- I have friends. I focus intently on that memory. I'm with two fillies. We're playing outside in a backyard. One of them turns to look at me. I can see her smile, but not the rest of her. Everything else is a haze. The more I try to focus on the memory, the more blurry it gets. I'm reminded of how dark everything is. My hoof touches the ground. One step at a time. My body screams at me not to move any further without seeing where I'm going first. But I have no choice. I take a deep breath and force another hoof forward. It connects with the ground. I'm shaking. I don't know where anything is. "Do I have to do this?" I ask. I know the answer already. "Yes Guide, you have to. Walking is an important part of life, like it or not." I hesitate. Another step. And then another. I'm completely lost now. I put on a brave face to hide my fear. "I know how to walk..." I hear the old mare walk over to me. Her voice conveys patience. "But if you ever want to go anywhere, you'll need to be able to walk like you used to. Do you want me to get the probing cane now?" "No," I say adamantly. "I don't want to use it." She smiles. Wait a minute... "You know," she begins, "my mother was just as stubborn as you when her age began to take her sight. She refused to accept help from anypony; she ended up spending her final days bumbling around her house because she couldn't see very well. Even then, she didn't want to admit that she needed help with her sight." "I'm not old and I don't need help." One of those is the truth. "Is that so? Well, I guess I'll just go home then!" She chuckles, "You'll be able to find your way back to your room, won't you?" I remain silent. I keep putting one hoof in front of the other. It feels like I'm going to fall into the abyss with every step. Eventually, my nerves get the better of me. "Okay, maybe I'll try out the cane thing, all right?" But nobody answers me. "Nurse Cream? Are you there?" But nobody came. My heart rate quickens. I begin to shake. I put another hoof forward, but I stumble. As I try to catch myself, I... I'm in the desert. The purple zebra is with me. I look around and see a river to our right. We're walking alongside it. I hear one of us say, "What are you going to do after all of this is over?" "I'm not entirely sure," the other answers, "I might pay a visit to the families of my late friends." "You had friends? That's hard to swallow." "I did. And though you may not believe it, I cared greatly for them." "What happened to them?" A silence. "I lost them." "Do you think they'd be happy with all of the lives that you've ruined?" Another silence. "Perhaps I will ask them that one day." My head collides with the ground. The memory fades, and the darkness returns. I groan, then pull myself up. "Guide! Are you all right?!" The nurse asks with concern in her voice. It sounds like she is far away. "Yes, no thanks to you," I grumble as I finish righting myself, "Where did you go?" "I stepped away to grab the probing cane; I didn't think you would fall." She helps me right myself. "I'm so sorry, Ms. Guide!" "It's just 'Guide,' thanks." For some reason, saying that name fills me with apprehension. I'm not entirely certain that it is mine, but it feels so familiar. Nurse Cream removes her hooves from me and reaches over to grab the probing cane. Hold on... That feeling again, it's unnatural. I stop and try to focus on it... "Would you like to try the cane now?" the nurse asks tentatively. My concentration is broken, and the feeling passes. What was that strange feeling? "...Fine." I reach out in her general direction and feel her place the cane in my hoof. I bring it up to my mouth and bite down on it. It tastes of humiliation and defeat. "It's retractable and bendable, so you don't have to worry about it hitting something and poking you in the back of the mouth." "Phankphs," I grumble through the probing cane. I experiment a little with it. It's not unwieldy, nor is it very heavy. I firmly tap the ground ahead of me with it. Deep breath. Here goes nothing... A step. I feel the cane slide across the padded ground. There is nothing in front of me. Another step. The cane slides. And another. I feel miserable. "Very good dear! You'll be back out in society in no time!" I remove the cane from my mouth. "Hurrah," I say without cheer. The nurse speaks again. "And don't you worry, dearie, there's a lot of jobs out there for disabled ponies. I'm sure we can find something for you!" I open my mouth, then close it. A job... She continues, "Oh, that reminds me! Do you remember what you did for work, Guide?" My work... I feel a headache coming on. I reach a hoof to my forehead. There's... There's kirin everywhere. So many vibrant colors, and so many curious eyes looking at us. The purple zebra is next to me; she is conversing with one of the kirin. I look up and see a truly magnificent sight. A grand, beautifully crafted city the likes of which I thought only existed in stories. I'm in awe, but I know that I cannot stay here. The purple zebra thanks the kirin, then nods to me. We start walking through the vast crowd of the marketplace. "Remind me, what exactly do you do?" I hear one of us say, "Like, what are you skilled at?" I hear a chuckle. "I am an alchemist by trade, and a very good one at that. I thought you would have picked that up by now." "You seem more like an assassin." "I know the art of the blade as well, though that is not my primary forte." There is a brief silence between us. "...What's it like to take a life?" "It depends upon if the life belonged to an equine or not." "Do you really value equine lives above avians that much, Guide?" There is no answer. "Hey Guide, you there?" Still nothing. "Guide, are you all right?" I feel the nurse shaking me. "Guide?! Is everything okay? You froze again!" "I'm fine," I gently brush her hooves off me, "I was an... alchemist. And also a..." I stop. Better not mention that other part. "...an adventurer." Her worried face morphs into a smile. That feeling again... "Oh, what an interesting field of work! And it must have been so much fun, too! Though..." she pauses, humming, "I don't think I've heard of any pony alchemists before." "I'm not most ponies," I say. That lingering feeling is still there, but I cannot grasp it. It feels almost as if there is a pulling sensation from inside my body and outside of it at the same time. "Do you remember how to make any potions?" the nurse asks, "I've always fancied a-" "Nurse Cream?" I interrupt. "Yes?" Concern slips into her voice again. The pulling feeling is slipping away again. "Could I try to walk around here alone for a minute? I promise I won't fall again." "Of course, dear. I'll be in the other room, just yell if you need me." She departs. I hear the door close. I stop and concentrate. Every time I try to focus on that odd feeling, it shuffles around. I try to pin it down, but it moves again. Maybe if I... I stop trying to pinpoint the feeling and instead let the odd sensation roam freely inside and outside of me. There. There it is. All at once the pulling stops feeling unnatural. I flow with it. There is... there is a chair over there. A table, a wall. I can't see them, but they are there. I turn my head. A window. It's not too far away. I need to go to it. I walk towards the window. The panic my mind felt at not knowing where I was going is gone. I am about to hit the window. I stop, then gently reach out and touch the glass. My hoof begins to shake. Another memory fills my mind. "I call it the Guidance." The purple zebra is beside me as we walk the path toward the mountains ahead. "...You sure you're not just on drugs?" The offhooved comment is ignored. "Drugs could not do what the Guidance does for me." "Okay, what is it really?" "It is what makes me the Guide." "That explains absolutely nothing. Just tell me what it does." There is a quick exhale of frustration. "You test my patience, you know." "Fine, sorry, whatever. Will you please explain to me what this all-powerful 'Guidance' does for you?" "It shows me the way to what I need." "Well, what do you need?" There is a lengthy pause. "Sometimes I don't know until long after I've found it." I take my hoof off of the glass. It's trembling. I can't see them, but there are foals playing outside. There are four of them. A ball. They're kicking it around. I discard the probing cane. The pulling feeling returns, and I know it will help me see through my blindness. There were some doubts, but now I know for certain who I am. I am the Guide, and I am the wielder of the Guidance. Author's Note The Guidance will show her the way. 3 - Forlorn FriendshipThe bells toll. The trials continue. I can't stop. Some of us collapse from exhaustion. They are executed on the spot. I can't stop. "You will hold your fragment of the Godhead with pride, or you will hold nothing at all." I can't... I wake up with a cold sweat. Another nightmare. I have to stop. The nightmares are getting worse. I have to stop trying to remember... But I need to know what happened to me. Through the open window, I hear the chirping of birds. It's probably morning. I rise from the bed and gather my things. I don't have much, considering that I was only given a small stipend of funds once I was registered as a refugee. That was a few weeks ago, I believe. It's hard to keep track of time when I do not have a schedule, job, or anything tying me down for that matter. When I left Baltimare, I didn't even know where I should go at first. I only had a foggy memory of my old home. It was near a city, somewhere along the eastern coast of Equestria... I think. The only thing I have to help me find it is the Guidance. It is ever-present, yet not there at all. It tells me where to go without words, and it shows me what is around me without eyes. I can't explain it very well. My memory of when I explained the Guidance to the purple zebra seems accurate. I frown. There is something off about that memory. I can't place my hoof on it, though. Nevertheless, I am drawn towards a direction, and like a dutiful student, I follow. I leave the inn's bedroom and head downstairs. I approach the front desk. The innkeeper smiles at me. "You sure seem good at finding your way around with that blindfold on, miss!" "It comes naturally to me," I offer a smile back, then retrieve some bits from my bag. "Here, thank you again for letting me stay here." I feel the innkeeper press the coins back into my hooves. "No no, it would be impolite of me to charge full price for a disabled pony. The fee from last night will suffice." A brief feeling of indignation surges within me. I'm not disabled. Before I say anything, I hear an obnoxious creak from the front door as someone opens it. "It's like, so sad that all the good tourist places are gone now." A mare's voice says behind me. My ears perk up. She is speaking to someone next to her. Her voice is both annoying and chirpy, but I do not recognize it. "I wanted to visit Mount Aris when I was a filly, but like, I guess I'll have to stick to places around Equestria..." My anger has dissipated by now. I stop listening to the annoying mare's chatter. Without a word, I take the coins and place them back into my bag, then I turn to leave. "...and like, the worst part is that everything is just so much more expensive now! It's so unf-" The mare stops speaking to her companion as she notices me walking by her. Her eyes go wide. She is staring at me. My blindfold. My missing wing. I ignore her, then exit the inn. I let the door close itself as I walk out to the distinct smell of petrichor. Light droplets of rain batter my mane and back. Maybe I should have bought an umbrella... Just as I begin to continue my aimless journey, I hear the inn's door burst open. It's that mare. She calls out to me. "[̸̲̞̬̭͔̹̟͐̄͝ͅ]̶̢͉̯̠͉̦̠͎͎̾̌̍̈́͂̽[̷̨̞̖̩͕̳͓̊́̈́͛̈́͗͛̍͗͐ͅ]̶̨̝̈́̈́̔̏̆̕[̵̮̩̌̀͗̈͊̚]̷̨̘͚͎̝̺̘̣͚̪̈̓͆̅̈́̀̾̾̾͗[̶̡̙͖͍̣̺̣̉̔]̵̘͛́[̵̱̟̮̬̱͖̖̝̯̈́̂̈́̃́͝͝]̵̢̯͙̫̦̗̩̙͊̽̀[̵͈̺͙͒̀͜]̴̟̠͎̻͉̍̉ [̶̧̠̼͔̩̤͖̪͖̑́͂̐]̷̧̺̂̀͑̈́̇̿̓͝͝[̶̢̼͒̂̌̀͗͊̿̈́͜͠]̸̱͎̙̫̲͚̱̳͐͗̎̌̏̈̊ͅ[̵̬͊̉͛̊̊̕͘͜͝]̶̨̡̤̙̫͖̭̝̝͗̂̓̊̑́͘[̷̢̮͚̤̲̟̓̈́̀̆͗̔]̴̳̰̭̗̞̒͗͐͛[̴̛͖̦̤͎̉̃ͅͅ]̶̨̱͖͙͔̞͓͌̐̋̓[̸̤̔̈́]̵͓͇̘͔̖͈̜͚͇̓͋͒͌̍́? Is that you?!" There is a sudden ringing noise. I freeze. I feel an overpowering pounding sensation in my head. What was that she said? I put a hoof on my head, it's hurting. I stumble, then fall to one knee. I... I... I kneel face down in the dirt. The stoic, hazmat-clad zebra known as the Grandmaster of Joy looms over me and the other Initiates of Silver. Through his gas mask, he commands us. "If you aspire to be Equines of Silver, then you must master the Aspect of Joy by renouncing all that makes you happy." I hate this. I miss my family. I miss my friends. The Grandmaster catches me sniffling, then quickly wrests my face up towards his gas mask. I wince, and my sniffles morph into sobbing. "Why are you sad?" he asks with uncharacteristic concern as his grip nearly chokes me. Though I try my best to stop crying, I cannot. "I w-wanna go h-home..." His grip remains tight. "Do you have loved ones? Do you care for them?" "Y-yes." I manage to sputter through my constrained air supply. The Grandmaster of Joy is silent for a moment, then he throws me to the ground. The impact dislocates my foreleg, causing me to whimper in pain. He ignores my injury and turns to address all of us. "Love for one's family and friends is natural. Almost all life, from the blessed children of the Godhead to the Cosmic Mistakes scattered throughout the world experience this concept." He reaches down to procure a small vial from his saddlebag. "While I am not the Grandmaster of Love, there is some overlap between our respective aspects. Love and Joy are closely related, you see." I wince as I try to tend to my dislocated leg. It hurts so much. A few of the other zebras and ponies steal glances at me. They do not speak. They do not help. "You miss your home. You miss your family." The Grandmaster of Joy continues, approaching me again and raising the vial to my face. It's unmarked and filled with a translucent cyan fluid. "Those things you love bring you joy. You are sad because you desire that feeling. I will help you remove this weakness from yourself." He briefly examines the vial. "This potion will not take hold now, but it will act as a catalyst when the time is right." The masked zebra roughly yanks my mane back, further stressing my injured leg. I begin to sob uncontrollably. "Do not presume that I find pleasure in this, young initiate," He opens the vial, then brings it up to my mouth, "After all, a proper Equine of Silver is incapable of experiencing joy." The darkness fades, and the blackness returns. It's wet. My ears are still ringing. Everything feels unnatural. My body is unresponsive. The Guidance is silent. I cannot see. There is pressure on my belly. I'm lying on top of something with my limbs strewn about. I no longer feel the rain. Something lowers me onto a cushion of some sort. A hoof gently shakes me. The ringing begins to subside. "...Oh my Celestia, it's her! It's really her!" It's that mare. I still don't recognize her voice. "You know this mare?" Male. I don't know him, either. "Yeah! We were, like, best friends as fillies!" "How come you never told me about her?" "I... I thought she was dead. It hurt to think about her." I groan. The hoof presses against me again. "Maybe we should get those bandages off of her eyes?" One of them begins to fiddle with my blindfold. Without thinking, I quickly strike their hoof away with my own. "Hey!" The stallion says, "Don't hit me, I'm trying to help you!" I feel my voice return to me. "Back off!" I raise a hoof in his general direction. The mare speaks again. "Let me handle this, Match." I hear her shuffle around. She moves next to me. "[̸̲̞̬̭͔̹̟͐̄͝ͅ]̶̢͉̯̠͉̦̠͎͎̾̌̍̈́͂̽[̷̨̞̖̩͕̳͓̊́̈́͛̈́͗͛̍͗͐ͅ]̶̨̝̈́̈́̔̏̆̕[̵̮̩̌̀͗̈͊̚]̷̨̘͚͎̝̺̘̣͚̪̈̓͆̅̈́̀̾̾̾͗[̶̡̙͖͍̣̺̣̉̔]̵̘͛́[̵̱̟̮̬̱͖̖̝̯̈́̂̈́̃́͝͝]̵̢̯͙̫̦̗̩̙͊̽̀[̵͈̺͙͒̀͜]̴̟̠͎̻͉̍̉? Are you okay? Do you remember me?" I wince. The ringing returns, but it is not as strong as before. I bring my hooves to my ears to try and alleviate the pain. With gritted teeth, I demand, "Who are you, and why does that word hurt my ears?!" "[̸̲̞̬̭͔̹̟͐̄͝ͅ]̶̢͉̯̠͉̦̠͎͎̾̌̍̈́͂̽[̷̨̞̖̩͕̳͓̊́̈́͛̈́͗͛̍͗͐ͅ]̶̨̝̈́̈́̔̏̆̕[̵̮̩̌̀͗̈͊̚]̷̨̘͚͎̝̺̘̣͚̪̈̓͆̅̈́̀̾̾̾͗[̶̡̙͖͍̣̺̣̉̔]̵̘͛́[̵̱̟̮̬̱͖̖̝̯̈́̂̈́̃́͝͝]̵̢̯͙̫̦̗̩̙͊̽̀[̵͈̺͙͒̀͜]̴̟̠͎̻͉̍̉?" she says with concern. "Stop saying that!" My face twists in pain. She pauses for a moment. "Sorry, it's just... I thought you died." The ringing fades away again. I try to stand, but my hind legs feel weak. "I'll ask again: Who are you, and how do you know me?" The Guidance returns, but only just. It lets me know that my words have hurt the mare opposite me. Her shrill voice has morphed into one of intense worry. "I'm Soft Breeze. I'm... I'm your best friend." I am silent. Her name is unfamiliar, but her tone is genuine. I feel nothing. There is something wrong. The stallion, Match, speaks up. "She's missing a wing. What happened to her?" I hear the mare hesitate as she examines the stump where my wing used to be. "Are... are you okay? What happened?" I begin to become frustrated. "I got hurt. Now I am blind and grounded. How can you know me when I don't remember you?" "BLIND?!" She brings her hoof up to her mouth, "I'm so sorry!" "Answer my question." A part of me wonders why I am being so short with her. "I... we used to spend every day together. We were gonna go to university together. We were gonna travel the world together. But you... you left for Colthage before I did, and then..." Soft becomes quiet. An unusual sensation briefly forms within me. A distinct longing that is immediately burned away and replaced by apathy. Something is definitely not right with me... I share her silence for a moment, then Match speaks up. "Do you have a place to stay? We were about to start our honeymoon, but we can put it on hold to help you out." "I am... not staying anywhere. I'm looking for something." My home, I think to myself. I'm not sure if that's true. Soft Breeze places her hoof in Match's. "Maybe we could help you find it? I'm sure your family would love to help, too. They'd be, like, beyond delighted to see you again!" My head begins to pound. My family... I try to remember if I had any family, but the only face that comes to mind isn't even a pony, it's a shrouded zebra with a gentle smile, dainty glasses, and an entire continent of corpses behind him. The Star Father. A prophet, now supposedly a god. I shake my head, ridding myself of that chilling image. My mind's eye tunnels inward as I try to force myself and remember. Logically, I should have a family. Parents, at least. And yet the most I can conjure up is a faceless group of ponies, all of which mean nothing to me. My family... Why do I feel nothing? The Grandmaster of Joy's stone-cold expression shatters the foggy remnant of that memory. His appearance strikes me with a profound sense of dread. They took away my ability to feel happiness. I take a deep breath and stand up from the couch. The Guidance offers some comfort, showing me how to descend without hurting myself. "[̸̲̞̬̭͔̹̟͐̄͝ͅ]̶̢͉̯̠͉̦̠͎͎̾̌̍̈́͂̽[̷̨̞̖̩͕̳͓̊́̈́͛̈́͗͛̍͗͐ͅ]̶̨̝̈́̈́̔̏̆̕[̵̮̩̌̀͗̈͊̚]̷̨̘͚͎̝̺̘̣͚̪̈̓͆̅̈́̀̾̾̾͗[̶̡̙͖͍̣̺̣̉̔]̵̘͛́[̵̱̟̮̬̱͖̖̝̯̈́̂̈́̃́͝͝]̵̢̯͙̫̦̗̩̙͊̽̀[̵͈̺͙͒̀͜]̴̟̠͎̻͉̍̉, wait." The ringing returns briefly but not as intense as before. My mind refuses to comprehend the name she says. "I have to go," I say. As much as it pains me to sever the only connection to my old life, I feel like I would hurt them far more once they realized just how far gone the pony they knew was. Soft reaches out and grasps my hoof as I turn to leave. I have brought her to tears. "Please don't leave me again." My mind screams at me not to do this. I hesitate. "I... I need you to let go of me. You don't want to see what I've become." My words tear at her heart. She releases me. The stallion speaks up again. "Listen. I may not know you, but I can see how important you are to my wife. You may think that hurting her like this is the best thing to do, but you are wrong. There is nothing more important in life than your loved ones, and you are clearly hers." He pauses, "Well, in addition to me, her family, and... never mind. The point is, don't burn bridges when it will leave you stranded and alone." I'm facing towards the door. I muster the strength to take a step forward. The Guidance tells me to stop. Through the uncomfortable silence and pitter-patter of rain on the roof, I hear the whisper of a voice. It's far away, unfathomably so. "I'm sorry." My heart skips a beat. It's the purple zebra. She's still alive. I now know what I must do. I turn my head towards Soft and Match. "There's... there's something that I need to take care of. I'll come find you once I'm done." I quickly exit through the door and walk into the rain once again. I am the Guide. I wield the Guidance. The Guidance will show me the way. Author's Note What must she do, though? 4 - The Only Thing That Lasts ForeverThe knife descends. It descends again. I can't move. The zebra hesitates, then screams, "WHY? WHY IS SHE SO IMPORTANT?!" I can't move. The zebra takes the knife to my wing. I'm in shock from the pain. I can't... I'm not sure how long I had walked. At some point, I could feel the sun on my face when the morning birds chirped. I was moving westward, I assumed. I'm getting close to my destination. The Guidance is quieter than usual, but it still nudges me in the correct direction from time to time. I am getting nightmares about the purple zebra more often now. Her face is contorted with the purest rage as she raises her knife. She blinded me and crippled me, and now the Guidance is leading me to her. A chill passes through me. Is that fear I feel? Or some twisted form of relief? What will she do? What will I do? I press on. Another memory surfaces. "What would it take to convince you that you're wrong?" One of us asks the other. "For me to be wrong, you would need to be right. There is only one truth, my student, and it comes from the Star Father." "One day, you'll realize that everything that you believe in is a lie, and that you hurt countless creatures for nothing. I hope I get to see it." "You won't." At some point, I pass by another traveler. I discover that Appleloosa isn't too far away and that the buffalo lands are nearby. I thank the traveler for the information and assure them that I do not need help. It is another hour before the Guidance offers its next piece of advice: a slight left, through the meadow ahead. There are no rocks present, so I do not need to tread carefully. I briefly stop to admire the beautiful sounds of nature. It is... peaceful. I wish I could share that peace. Soon I reach a clearing, and the Guidance shows me a humble cottage with a nearby garden, along with some large trees offering shade to small critters underneath it. A clothesline is strung up with variously sized garments side by side. There is somepony working in the garden. I begin to approach them. I do not call out to the pony, but I intentionally step on a branch to alert them to my presence. I hear them stop. They briefly look over at me. "Another visitor? What ailments do you seek my help for?" A female voice. It's... there's something... My breathing stops. That's not a pony, it's her. The purple zebra. She saw me. She doesn't recognize me. I'm lost for words. I simply stand there, frozen. The zebra is tending to her plants, humming a pleasant tune. Eventually, she looks at me again. "If you're going to stand there, you might as well help me with..." All of the birds are now silent. The leaves in the trees are perfectly still. The zebra stops as well. I can tell that her heart has skipped a beat. She stands up. The color has drained from her stripes. We stare at each other, but I can see her better than she sees me. She's utterly terrified. I manage some words. "You hurt me." There is so much more that I want to say, but I can't figure out how to say it. "I... I know." She trembles as she tightly grips the trowel she was tending to her garden with just a moment ago. "Are you a spirit? Or are you really...?" "I'm really here," I say. I feel like I should be furious with her, yet I feel nothing. The zebra becomes only more tense. "But... how? How are you here? How did you... survive?" I keep my head level as if to stare directly at her. "I think you know how." I did not think her face could become more pale. "No... that's... that's not possible. The Guidance is gone. It-" "The Guidance isn't gone, you threw it away." The silence that followed my statement could be measured in eons. In time, I find some words to say, but something unexpected happens. A young figure appears from the cottage. "Mom! I can't find my favorite book! Can you-" "Gael," the zebra says with a tone so firm and commanding that it could humble even the most rebellious revolutionary, "Go to your room. Now." Even still, the younger voice didn't understand the gravity of the zebra's voice. He looked at me, then back to the zebra. "Is that mare a friend of yours, mom? Why are there bandages on her-" "I SAID GO TO YOUR ROOM, GAEL!" The zebra practically screamed at the young colt. The young pony is frightened. He hurriedly goes back inside. No, wait. There was something off about his shape. The Guidance is correcting me. That wasn't a pony, that was... "That's a griffon." A question in a statement. "Yes," the zebra replied, "He is." We are quiet again. I try to process this information. The zebra eventually speaks. Her voice is uneven, almost as if she expects to die here and now. "Are you here for revenge?" A well of anger springs up within me, then dissipates as quickly as it came. Or... at least I think it was anger. "I... don't think so." There is yet another pause. Pieces of my memory begin to fall back into place: the zebra in front of me is (or was?) one of the most important equines within the Ascendancy. "Why are you looking after a griffon? After... after everything you did to them?" The zebra is disarmed by my question. She falters, then lowers her head toward the ground. Is that... is that shame? From her, of all creatures? "I... I had to know." She almost whispers. Had to know what? I walk towards her. "You helped butcher them by the millions. Them and everycreature who stood against you." "Yes," her voice cracked, "I did." Is she starting to cry? ...No, but she is now sitting down and staring at the dirt. I press forward with more questions. "Then why come here, to a remote part of Equestria? Why raise a griffon in secret? Do you seriously think that this will make things right?" A breeze picks up. The leaves in the trees brush against one another, and the drying fabrics on the clothesline flap in the wind. There is a small figure poking his head out of the attic window of the cottage. I doubt he can hear us from here, but he does see everything transpiring between us. "I..." There are tears now. "I have to try. I... I can't..." I'm right in front of her now. She's more broken than I was when I woke up in the hospital. Still, I want answers. "You can't what?" She sobs briefly, then wipes her face and composes herself. "There's... there's something I want to show you. Come inside." I almost tell her no. I almost demand to be told the truth here and now. But the Guidance also demands that I go along with her request. If that is what I am supposed to do, then so be it. With some effort, the zebra stands up. She seems utterly exhausted, despite us speaking for only a few minutes. Perhaps it has been longer? Time seemed to flow much quicker ever since I obtained the Guidance. Regardless, she leads me to her cottage. It is quaint, yet comfortable. There are many herbs, materials, and concoctions that give away her trade as an alchemist, and... My breath hitches. ...a knife. The knife. It's on a countertop, next to a vegetable of some kind. The sight gifted by the Guidance doesn't specify further details. The zebra walks past it without acknowledging it. At the top of the stairs is the young griffon from earlier. He is staring at me curiously. I turn my head towards him, and confusion appears on his face. He must be trying to figure out how I can see things. "In here, please." The zebra opened one of the few doors in the cottage. Inside is... I'm not sure. I am not privy to that information. I step forward, then hesitate. Walking into the unknown like that... The zebra senses my fear. "Just as you are not here to hurt me, I am not here to hurt you." She offers a hoof, "I... I need you to see this." "I can't see," I state weakly. A pathetic response, given that I had traversed the entire continent without sight. "I know," She plays along. I take her hoof, and then enter the void. ... She closes the door behind us. I cannot sense anything inside of this room. It's just me and her in an endless black abyss. She lets go of my hoof. I hear her hoofsteps on wood as she walks away from me. She reaches into... a drawer? It's hard to tell. As she does so, she begins to speak. "A long time ago, I had two friends," The void becomes a brilliant night sky, untainted by the light of civilization. There are two other zebras floating in the air above us. One male, one female. "They never knew each other, but... they both meant the world to me." Two names come to my mind. "Zethro and Elishat." She seems surprised. "...Yes. Is... did the Guidance tell you?" "I read your journal, remember?" She looks away again. I think she's recalling one of the many times she threatened to kill me for prying into her life. "Right. You did." She sighs, then retrieves that very journal from the darkness she had been reaching into. "I... lost them, but you also know that. But what I wrote down long ago wasn't what actually happened." I tilt my head. "What happened, then?" She hugged her journal close to herself. "When Zethro became ill in the Whitetail Mountains, I... I had the opportunity to ask for help from a nearby griffon settlement. I had done some research on that illness after he died, and... I found that it was native to the region." She grits her teeth. "If I had... If I had not been so stupid, so prideful in my race's superiority... if I had humbled myself enough to ask for help from those griffons, he might have lived. But I didn't." I can't quite pin down the feeling I am experiencing, but it's not... pleasant. I opt to not say anything. The zebra continues as the image of Zethro fades from the sky. "Elishat... I had feelings for her. When we were traveling towards the Key Lake near the Changeling Queendom, I almost confessed those feelings to her. It wouldn't have mattered if I did, because by then she was already dead and replaced by a changeling assassin." There are tears, again. "But that's not the whole story. When we first arrived in port to Ditrysium, she expressed concern about the trustworthiness of Changelings. I... I dismissed her concerns, because I was fully convinced that they were filled with the same spirit of equinity as myself. That they would never betray our trust. That they were better than the avians I had been taught to hate. If I had listened to her, she might still be here. But I didn't." The image of Elishat fades from the sky. The zebra in front of me opens the journal and carefully turns the pages. "And then after... after I hurt you, I realized just how wrong I had been about everything. Every righteous action I had taken was a foolish mistake. Every dead heretic was just another innocent victim in the Ascendancy's genocidal campaign. Everything you said about me was right, and... It was just like you said: 'They died for nothing.'" There is a lump in my throat. I feel like I should say something, but the words fail to form in my mouth. Another image forms in the cosmos behind the zebra. It's... her, slumped against the side of the boat's cabin on that fateful day where she crippled me. She continues. "I was left without the power that made me who I was. It took me a while to accept that, and it wasn't until long after the Teacher's transcendence-" She stops, then corrects herself, "Hiram's death, that I stopped calling myself the Guide." She looks to the side, then sighs. "I couldn't bear to stand among them anymore. I don't know if it was guilt that convinced me to mess with the focusing crystals in that ritual, but... I suppose it doesn't matter. The Ascendancy believes that Hiram became the Godhead, but no, he's dead. I know it." The scene fades, and another takes its place. She's walking alone through a town square of sorts. There are ponies helping griffon refugees. "I left, and I fled as far as I could from that cursed nation. It's doomed to collapse, anyway. Once they disagree on something, it'll fall like a house of cards. It's just a matter of time." She retrieves a small photograph from her journal. The details of it are not visible to me, but I remember what is on it: a young pony and a griffon hugging one another. "You asked me why I came here. Why I'm raising a griffon. Well, this is why. I needed to know for sure that I was wrong about them. I needed to know that they aren't inherently evil, and that the Ascendancy is wrong. That I was wrong. So I... adopted one whose parents were killed by them." "That won't fix the fact that griffons are an endangered species now." The words leave my mouth before I consider how hurtful they are. If my remark stings her, then she doesn't show it. "I... I can't ever be forgiven for the sins I've committed. But I have to try." She turns to face me, her eyes filled with hopelessness and cheeks stained with guilt. "I have to make it right. It's impossible, but I have to try anyway. It would be wrong of me not to. I owe it to all of those I've wronged. I owe it to... my friends." She's pouring her heart out to me, and I don't know how to respond. I just stand there. The cosmos fades, and the void returns. She closes her journal and sets it back into the darkness. "And now you're here. Back from the dead, and holding the Guidance I treasured so deeply. Why? I know I don't deserve it, but... I need to know. Why is the Guidance with you? Why did it bring you back to me?" Her voice raises, "Why did it want me to spare you?! What even is the Guidance?!" It's just us, now. Floating in darkness, with a mysterious force that defies explanation. I consider her words, and the lump in my throat returns. I slowly make my way over to her, but each step feels like an eternity. She stands there, crumbling, yet holding on to herself. She held the Guidance for so long, and yet at that pivotal moment where it demanded an action from her, she defied it. What did it want for her? What does it want for me? It's quiet, and yet... the Guidance speaks to me. It speaks without words in the same way that I can see without sight. There is a moment of confusion, then comprehension, then acceptance. I know what I must do. I take one final step forward, then reach my front hooves out around her and pull her into an embrace. "I forgive you." What was left of the zebra's composure shatters, and she begins to bawl. I hold onto her, and eventually, she embraces me back. We stand there for an incomprehensible amount of time. Eventually, she manages some words between her sobs. "H-How? How can you forgive me for what I did to you?" Because the Guidance knew that was what she needed. It knew that she needed it now, and it knew that she needed it all those years ago, and even before that. "The Guidance always wanted you to walk the right path. You just made a mistake, that's all." Her sobs intensify. I wonder briefly if the Guidance brought me here solely to comfort her. Then it dawns on me. I needed to see her as much as she needed to see me. She needed forgiveness. I needed closure. The Guidance wants us to become better ponies. Better zebras. Better creatures. Somehow, despite the impossibility of it, a tear drips down from my bandaged face. I join her in her sobbing, Time passes. Slowly, the shape of a bedroom forms around us, and the void we are standing in fades away. We separate from one another, then regain some semblance of composure. A thought occurs to me between my sniffling. "You know... you never did tell me your name." She chuckles in between her own sniffling. "It's Zayla." That gives me pause. Such a mundane name for such an impactful, extraordinary zebra. "And what about you? What's your name?" I open my mouth, but nothing comes out. "I... I don't know. I can't remember." Zayla stares at me briefly, then laughs. "I think you know." Oh. Of course. What else could it be, after all? "I am the Guide." I wield the Guidance. The Guidance will show me the way. And just as the way will guide me to becoming better than who I was, I will guide others to becoming better than who they were. Author's Note For personal reasons, I find it very, very difficult to sit down and actually finish writing any of my stories. It's so easy to leave a story unfinished - when an adventure's ending isn't set in stone, then anything can happen. I won't think about what could have been, or worry that I may have disappointed someone with how I wrote it. But a story that doesn't have an ending is almost worse than never writing the story at all. I must have sat down probably fifty nights or so telling myself "I'll finish this tonight" and ended up doing something else unproductive. At some point, I recalled a quote by some author that I cannot remember: The worst story ever written is still infinitely better than the greatest story never written. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for accompanying me throughout the journey of the Star Father, the (original) Guide, her companions, and The Ascendancy as a whole. This is the end, well and truly. I'll see you next time, in whatever adventure that may be.
1 - True DarknessPain. Darkness. Agony. Cold. Wet. I can't breathe. I try to open my eyes but there is something wrong with them. The frigid moisture is all around me, and everything hurts. I can't breathe. I try to scream, but the pain fills my mouth and chokes me further. I can't... "Doctor? Doctor! She's awake!" I can breathe. It is still dark, but I can breathe. "Sweetie, are you okay? Can you hear me?" The voice sounds like an elderly mare. I groan, then wince. My voicebox hurt immensely, and a faint taste of salt lingers at the back of my throat. Another voice speaks. "Are you okay, Miss? How do you feel?" Younger. Male. "Water..." I manage to sputter. I hear one of them trot away and return just as quickly. I reach out a hoof and take the glass from them. "How did you...?" The male voice says with a tone of disbelief. I pay him no mind as I quickly gulp down the water. It sears my throat, but I drink all of it. "How are you feeling?" the male says once again. I breathe deeply. The pain isn't as severe. Still there, but I can speak. "I'm... not sure." I reach a hoof up to rub my head, only to discover a cloth wrapped around my forehead. I feel it covering my eyes as well. I try to remove it, but they stop me. "Oh, we don't want to do that just yet, sweetie..." the old mare says as she gently guided my hoof away from the blindfold. Her voice reminds me of my grandmother. My grandmother... I try to rise from the bed, but it feels like all of my limbs are asleep. The old mare gently restrains me again. I sigh. "My family. I need to see them." "Of course," the male says. He seems to be holding a pen and a clipboard. "Can you tell us your name so we can help you find them?" "Yeah. My name is..." I stop. My name... What is it? "Could you tell us your name, sweetie?" the old mare says. My breathing quickens. I try to picture my family, but they look fuzzy. My home is as well. I try to recall something, anything. One image rises to the forefront of my thoughts, clearer than all of the rest. A zebra. Female. There's something about her that sends shivers down my spine. She's holding something sharp. Her eyes are a dull red, and her stripes are... "Purple?" "Your name is Purple?" the stallion says with a stifled chuckle. I shake my head. "No. it's just..." My voice trails off as I desperately try to recall my name. It feels like I'm looking at myself through a blurred mirror. "...I can't remember." Both of them exchange a worried look at each other. Wait, how do I know that? The old mare speaks with a tender voice. "Sweetie... do you know where you live?" A scene of flaming debris flashes through my mind. Burning buildings. Mortar strikes rain from the sky as I take cover in a house with three ponies. No, wait, they're zebras. Two big, one small. We hug each other tightly. They aren't my family, but I fear for them all the same. My breathing gets ragged. The stallion asks a more specific question. "Do you know what the name of your hometown is?" The small zebra tells me he's scared. I tell him that it's okay to be scared. Being scared allows you to be brave. One of the older zebras smiles at me. It's filled with worry, but I can tell she appreciates me. I hear some yelling in the distance. An evacuation order. Suddenly, the ceiling explodes. Wood splinters fly everywhere. I try to shield us with my wings, as foolish as that is, but thankfully only a few splinters get into my feathers. I feel a few cuts along the base of my wings. I shiver as the old mare holds my hoof. "...I d-don't know." The stallion sighs. I try to stretch my wings, but something feels off. I have something wrapped around my wings. A bandage? After a moment, the stallion seems to set down his clipboard. "Well Miss, I suppose we should inform you of where you are, then. You are in the Sunnyside Intensive Care Center in Baltimare. My name is Squeaky Clean, and I'm the doctor who has been treating you while you were asleep." Asleep? I feel a pit of dread in my stomach. The old mare senses my anxiety and attempts to comfort me. "H-How long?" I dare to ask. The stallion seems to have an apprehensive expression. But I can't see him...? "Perhaps it would be best if we waited to answer that question. Are you hungry? We have yogurt or fruit if you would like some." As if on cue, my stomach growls. I try to calm myself, but my voice still shakes. "Y-Yes." The old mare releases my hoof. "I'll be right back, sweetie." She leaves me alone with the doctor. It sounds like he's writing something down, but soon he starts to ask me more questions. "What is the last thing you remember?" A scene fills my mind. The zebra with purple stripes. We are arguing. I don't know what we're arguing about, but I'm upset with her. She screams. Then there is nothing. Just thinking about it causes me to shake. Did something bad happen? "I was with a zebra. We were... fighting?" "Ah, a zebra." He says as if that explains everything. "Do you know what happened to you?" I try to recall the scene again, but every time she screams, there is a void after that. "No." I hear the old mare return. "Here is some strawberry yogurt, sweetie. Would you like me to help you eat it?" My hooves feel more familiar now. "I can do it," I say. She places a small bowl of yogurt and a spoon on a tray and guides my hooves to them. They're still trembling, but I can use them. I taste the yogurt. It's delicious, but it makes my stomach queasy at the same time. I decide to eat it later. The doctor speaks again. "We need to gather some papers, then we'll be back to talk some more. Will you be all right while we're gone?" "Yes." I say as I procrastinate eating more yogurt. I don't want them to leave, but... I need to know. Their hoofsteps become quieter as I hear a door close. I wait for a few minutes, then reach a hoof up to my blindfold. My breathing quickens again. I need to see what I look like. Just as I start loosening the blindfold, I realize something: There's something else covering my eyes. I set the blindfold down and gently feel around them. There are two pads gently secured to my upper face, both seem to obstruct my eyes. My heartbeat quickens. I delicately try to pry one off, and- The door opens again, startling me. I hear a gasp. It's the doctor. "Miss, please don't touch that." I stop fiddling with the pads. "Are my eyes hurt?" I gulp. He sighs again. I hear the shuffling of some papers. He is quiet for a moment. "You were on the brink of death when you were brought into my care. You were hypothermic and had lost a lot of blood due to multiple major wounds. Additionally, you had such severe infections that we had to fly in Mage Meadowbrook herself to heal you. Even then, there was only so much she could do." The pit in my stomach grows larger. "Can... can I see?" Silence again. "You... won't be able to. Your eyes were gouged out." He pauses. "I'm sorry. There was nothing we could do." It's dark. It's so dark. I can't see. The old mare returns. She places her hoof on mine again. "There there, sweetie. You're alive, and that's what's important." Her words are filled with comfort, but they bring me nothing but despair. I'm blind. "There is also the matter of your wing," the doctor continues. I don't know if I can take much more. "The infection where your left wing was severed was so severe that..." There is a ringing in my ears; I can no longer hear him. My wing was severed. I lost my wing. I can't fly. I try to sob, but there are no tears. "...though there are prosthetic options available, I'm sorry to say that you will likely never be able to fly again." I will never see again. I will never fly again. I'm back in the house in the burning city. The zebras and I huddle together as we hide from the violence outside. I hear explosions close by. Screaming cut short by gunfire. There is banging at the door. One of the older zebras; the father, maybe? He tells us to wait here. The small zebra begs him not to leave. The older one grabs a pistol and leaves our hiding spot for the door. I leave our hiding spot and peek around the corner, too curious for my own good. Before he reaches the door, there is a bang. He is dead before he hits the ground. The door busts open and several robed zebras storm in. They fire additional bullets into his body to make sure he's dead. One of them spots me. "Sweetie? It'll be okay. We're for you." the old mare gently squeezes my hoof, bringing me back to reality. "C-Colthage." I choke out. I rub my muzzle as I sniffle, then cough. "I was in Colthage, I think." I can't see him, but I know that the doctor takes a step back in shock. "I... see..." There is silence again. The old mare takes her hoof off of mine. She seems hesitant to ask me a question. "Were you... with them? The zebras there?" Purple. They were all wearing purple. Gas masks too. One of them chases after me. I don't have anywhere to run, so I stop before I reach our hiding spot. I don't want them to find the others. My bravery falters the moment I see the muzzle of a rifle appear. I sob, but I don't look away. The zebra points her gun at me but does not shoot. She asks me how many are left. I say that it's just me. She notices my vision briefly flicker to the closet behind me. She fires her gun repeatedly at the closet. I hear two screams. I turn to see if they're okay, but something tough hits my head. With that memory at the forefront of my mind, I answer the old mare. "Yes." The doctor seems to lose his composure, if but for a moment. "Tartarus, did we really save one of them?" The old mare attempts to calm him. "Doctor Clean, watch yourself. We treat all patients equally here, regardless of their... affiliation." I don't understand what they're talking about. "One of who?" I say. My throat hurts again. "The Ascendancy," he says as he grits his teeth. "Are you with the Ascendancy?" There is a gunshot. I find myself in a large crowd, mostly zebras. I see a few ponies out of maybe two hundred. We're all surrounded by purple-clad zebras with guns. There is a burning pile of griffon and zebra bodies near us. A zebra mare stands atop a pedestal. She is also dressed in purple, but her robes are fancier than the armed guards. She preaches to us. I can't hear her over the murmurs of the crowd around me. A few rowdy zebras are pulled from the crowd and shot. Some of us panic, but their cries are also silenced by gunfire. She continues preaching to us. I hear the words "salvation" and "purity" thrown around. More of us are executed for being disrespectful. By the end of her sermon, roughly half of us are dead. They chain the remainder of us and take us away. I shake my head to clear that horrible image. "Who is that?" I say. "Maybe she was imprisoned by them, doctor." says the old mare, "She seems to have lost her memory." "That's..." he says as the fierceness leaves his voice. He sighs again. "I apologize for my outburst. I've lost too many friends to those fanatics." "Who is the Ascendancy?" I ask again. The doctor takes off his glasses. He has glasses? "They are pure unfiltered evil. We thought the changelings were bad, but they were nothing compared to these demons. The Ascendancy is what the Colthaginian Republic used to be years ago until it was taken over by insane equine race purists. They preach about how 'avians' are the root of all evil, and how zebras, ponies, changelings, kirin, and so on are all pieces of some dead god nopony has ever heard of. In the span of about eight years, they somehow managed to annihilate Hippogriffia as well as the entire continent of Griffonia. Most hippogriffs, or seaponies now I suppose, escaped underwater, but as for the griffons... I would be surprised if there were even a million of them left." My breath is shaky. "That's awful," I say. I cough again. He continues. "They even went after some pony nations for harboring griffon refugees. Fortunately, Equestria still stands, but many doubt our ability to actually defeat these cultists if they were to launch a full-scale attack on us. It's a mystery as to why they haven't done so yet." I am back in Colthage. I'm in a laboratory with about thirty other zebras, most of whom are in chains with me. A bald zebra with tinted, round glasses, a gray surgical mask, and a suit is inspecting our group. Unlike every other zebra that has ordered us around, this one isn't wearing all purple. Only a purple tie. He asks us for a volunteer. There is silence, then one of us steps forward. The bald zebra thanks us, then dismisses the rest of us. We are escorted out of the building. There is a scream behind us that increases in intensity until their voice box cracks and shatters. "Worst of all," the doctor adds on, "they deem any equine who they do not like a 'crypto-avian'. A ridiculous term if you ask me, but they seem to treat 'crypto-avians' worse than actual avians themselves. Unspeakable torture and an agonizing death are all that await those unfortunate enough to be-" "I think she's heard enough, doctor," the old mare interrupts him, "Why don't we ask her some of those questions we talked about?" "Right. Thank you, nurse." The doctor puts his glasses back on as he picks up his clipboard again. He examines it, and... How do I know this?! I can't see him! "You're wearing glasses," I say. "That's correct. How did you know that?" he says with genuine curiosity. I don't know how I knew that. "I... heard you put them on." I lie. If I'm going crazy, I don't want them to think that. I can tell he suspects something. "Right... Well, I have some questions I need to ask you. Some of them we've already covered, but I'll need to ask them again as the procedure demands." I nod in understanding. He asks me several questions. Most of them I can't answer. How old am I? Where am I from? Do I have any family? He moves to more specific questions to try and gauge how bad my memory loss is. What was the last major event I recalled? When did the war with the changelings end? Who are the princesses of Equestria? The doctor finishes writing something. "It seems to me that the last thing you can sort of recall is the Third Colthaginian Civil War. Do you know how long ago that was?" I shake my head. "That was ten years ago." But it seemed like it was just yesterday... "How long have I been here?" I ask. His voice is hesitant again. "You've been asleep here for nearly four years. You were brought in by a beach lifeguard who claimed that he saw a seapony drop you off on the shore." He pauses. "You wouldn't happen to know any seaponies or hippogriffs, would you?" I've been asleep for four years, I thought. I feel like that should bother me more. "I've never met a seapony before," I say. "I think I would remember that..." "Memory can be a funny thing, Miss. And speaking of memory, if you don't recall your name, what would you like us to call you? Patient #18 isn't exactly a normal name for ponies." He chuckles at the end. My name... What is it? The doctor notices me staring off into space again. "Try to think of a name," he suggests, "Something important to you, something that you've heard many times before." I see multiple places I don't remember going to. A land of horses, a land of kirin, a desolate desert, a flooded oasis. All those and more, and yet one thing seems to remain constant in all of them. I'm with someone else... a zebra, I think. We're traveling. I hear a word repeated over our travels. One word that fills my mind over and over until... "Guide," I say with a trembling voice, "I am... I am the Guide." Author's Note She's alive.
2 - Sight Without SightThe whips crack. The whimpers are deafening. I can't do this. I'm crying. My hooves stop moving. The others keep moving. I can't do this. They shove a gun to my head and order me to punish the crypto-avian. I can't... "Come on, sweetie. One hoof in front of the other." I can do this. Running may be out of reach for now, but I can do this. "Just one step at a time," says Sweet Cream. At least, I'm pretty sure that's the old mare's name. She told me once before, but I was distracted. I move my foreleg forward. It's wobbling. I can't see where I'm going. I'm reminded of that silly game I would play with my friends long ago, where we dared each other to walk as far as we could with our eyes closed- I have friends. I focus intently on that memory. I'm with two fillies. We're playing outside in a backyard. One of them turns to look at me. I can see her smile, but not the rest of her. Everything else is a haze. The more I try to focus on the memory, the more blurry it gets. I'm reminded of how dark everything is. My hoof touches the ground. One step at a time. My body screams at me not to move any further without seeing where I'm going first. But I have no choice. I take a deep breath and force another hoof forward. It connects with the ground. I'm shaking. I don't know where anything is. "Do I have to do this?" I ask. I know the answer already. "Yes Guide, you have to. Walking is an important part of life, like it or not." I hesitate. Another step. And then another. I'm completely lost now. I put on a brave face to hide my fear. "I know how to walk..." I hear the old mare walk over to me. Her voice conveys patience. "But if you ever want to go anywhere, you'll need to be able to walk like you used to. Do you want me to get the probing cane now?" "No," I say adamantly. "I don't want to use it." She smiles. Wait a minute... "You know," she begins, "my mother was just as stubborn as you when her age began to take her sight. She refused to accept help from anypony; she ended up spending her final days bumbling around her house because she couldn't see very well. Even then, she didn't want to admit that she needed help with her sight." "I'm not old and I don't need help." One of those is the truth. "Is that so? Well, I guess I'll just go home then!" She chuckles, "You'll be able to find your way back to your room, won't you?" I remain silent. I keep putting one hoof in front of the other. It feels like I'm going to fall into the abyss with every step. Eventually, my nerves get the better of me. "Okay, maybe I'll try out the cane thing, all right?" But nobody answers me. "Nurse Cream? Are you there?" But nobody came. My heart rate quickens. I begin to shake. I put another hoof forward, but I stumble. As I try to catch myself, I... I'm in the desert. The purple zebra is with me. I look around and see a river to our right. We're walking alongside it. I hear one of us say, "What are you going to do after all of this is over?" "I'm not entirely sure," the other answers, "I might pay a visit to the families of my late friends." "You had friends? That's hard to swallow." "I did. And though you may not believe it, I cared greatly for them." "What happened to them?" A silence. "I lost them." "Do you think they'd be happy with all of the lives that you've ruined?" Another silence. "Perhaps I will ask them that one day." My head collides with the ground. The memory fades, and the darkness returns. I groan, then pull myself up. "Guide! Are you all right?!" The nurse asks with concern in her voice. It sounds like she is far away. "Yes, no thanks to you," I grumble as I finish righting myself, "Where did you go?" "I stepped away to grab the probing cane; I didn't think you would fall." She helps me right myself. "I'm so sorry, Ms. Guide!" "It's just 'Guide,' thanks." For some reason, saying that name fills me with apprehension. I'm not entirely certain that it is mine, but it feels so familiar. Nurse Cream removes her hooves from me and reaches over to grab the probing cane. Hold on... That feeling again, it's unnatural. I stop and try to focus on it... "Would you like to try the cane now?" the nurse asks tentatively. My concentration is broken, and the feeling passes. What was that strange feeling? "...Fine." I reach out in her general direction and feel her place the cane in my hoof. I bring it up to my mouth and bite down on it. It tastes of humiliation and defeat. "It's retractable and bendable, so you don't have to worry about it hitting something and poking you in the back of the mouth." "Phankphs," I grumble through the probing cane. I experiment a little with it. It's not unwieldy, nor is it very heavy. I firmly tap the ground ahead of me with it. Deep breath. Here goes nothing... A step. I feel the cane slide across the padded ground. There is nothing in front of me. Another step. The cane slides. And another. I feel miserable. "Very good dear! You'll be back out in society in no time!" I remove the cane from my mouth. "Hurrah," I say without cheer. The nurse speaks again. "And don't you worry, dearie, there's a lot of jobs out there for disabled ponies. I'm sure we can find something for you!" I open my mouth, then close it. A job... She continues, "Oh, that reminds me! Do you remember what you did for work, Guide?" My work... I feel a headache coming on. I reach a hoof to my forehead. There's... There's kirin everywhere. So many vibrant colors, and so many curious eyes looking at us. The purple zebra is next to me; she is conversing with one of the kirin. I look up and see a truly magnificent sight. A grand, beautifully crafted city the likes of which I thought only existed in stories. I'm in awe, but I know that I cannot stay here. The purple zebra thanks the kirin, then nods to me. We start walking through the vast crowd of the marketplace. "Remind me, what exactly do you do?" I hear one of us say, "Like, what are you skilled at?" I hear a chuckle. "I am an alchemist by trade, and a very good one at that. I thought you would have picked that up by now." "You seem more like an assassin." "I know the art of the blade as well, though that is not my primary forte." There is a brief silence between us. "...What's it like to take a life?" "It depends upon if the life belonged to an equine or not." "Do you really value equine lives above avians that much, Guide?" There is no answer. "Hey Guide, you there?" Still nothing. "Guide, are you all right?" I feel the nurse shaking me. "Guide?! Is everything okay? You froze again!" "I'm fine," I gently brush her hooves off me, "I was an... alchemist. And also a..." I stop. Better not mention that other part. "...an adventurer." Her worried face morphs into a smile. That feeling again... "Oh, what an interesting field of work! And it must have been so much fun, too! Though..." she pauses, humming, "I don't think I've heard of any pony alchemists before." "I'm not most ponies," I say. That lingering feeling is still there, but I cannot grasp it. It feels almost as if there is a pulling sensation from inside my body and outside of it at the same time. "Do you remember how to make any potions?" the nurse asks, "I've always fancied a-" "Nurse Cream?" I interrupt. "Yes?" Concern slips into her voice again. The pulling feeling is slipping away again. "Could I try to walk around here alone for a minute? I promise I won't fall again." "Of course, dear. I'll be in the other room, just yell if you need me." She departs. I hear the door close. I stop and concentrate. Every time I try to focus on that odd feeling, it shuffles around. I try to pin it down, but it moves again. Maybe if I... I stop trying to pinpoint the feeling and instead let the odd sensation roam freely inside and outside of me. There. There it is. All at once the pulling stops feeling unnatural. I flow with it. There is... there is a chair over there. A table, a wall. I can't see them, but they are there. I turn my head. A window. It's not too far away. I need to go to it. I walk towards the window. The panic my mind felt at not knowing where I was going is gone. I am about to hit the window. I stop, then gently reach out and touch the glass. My hoof begins to shake. Another memory fills my mind. "I call it the Guidance." The purple zebra is beside me as we walk the path toward the mountains ahead. "...You sure you're not just on drugs?" The offhooved comment is ignored. "Drugs could not do what the Guidance does for me." "Okay, what is it really?" "It is what makes me the Guide." "That explains absolutely nothing. Just tell me what it does." There is a quick exhale of frustration. "You test my patience, you know." "Fine, sorry, whatever. Will you please explain to me what this all-powerful 'Guidance' does for you?" "It shows me the way to what I need." "Well, what do you need?" There is a lengthy pause. "Sometimes I don't know until long after I've found it." I take my hoof off of the glass. It's trembling. I can't see them, but there are foals playing outside. There are four of them. A ball. They're kicking it around. I discard the probing cane. The pulling feeling returns, and I know it will help me see through my blindness. There were some doubts, but now I know for certain who I am. I am the Guide, and I am the wielder of the Guidance. Author's Note The Guidance will show her the way.
3 - Forlorn FriendshipThe bells toll. The trials continue. I can't stop. Some of us collapse from exhaustion. They are executed on the spot. I can't stop. "You will hold your fragment of the Godhead with pride, or you will hold nothing at all." I can't... I wake up with a cold sweat. Another nightmare. I have to stop. The nightmares are getting worse. I have to stop trying to remember... But I need to know what happened to me. Through the open window, I hear the chirping of birds. It's probably morning. I rise from the bed and gather my things. I don't have much, considering that I was only given a small stipend of funds once I was registered as a refugee. That was a few weeks ago, I believe. It's hard to keep track of time when I do not have a schedule, job, or anything tying me down for that matter. When I left Baltimare, I didn't even know where I should go at first. I only had a foggy memory of my old home. It was near a city, somewhere along the eastern coast of Equestria... I think. The only thing I have to help me find it is the Guidance. It is ever-present, yet not there at all. It tells me where to go without words, and it shows me what is around me without eyes. I can't explain it very well. My memory of when I explained the Guidance to the purple zebra seems accurate. I frown. There is something off about that memory. I can't place my hoof on it, though. Nevertheless, I am drawn towards a direction, and like a dutiful student, I follow. I leave the inn's bedroom and head downstairs. I approach the front desk. The innkeeper smiles at me. "You sure seem good at finding your way around with that blindfold on, miss!" "It comes naturally to me," I offer a smile back, then retrieve some bits from my bag. "Here, thank you again for letting me stay here." I feel the innkeeper press the coins back into my hooves. "No no, it would be impolite of me to charge full price for a disabled pony. The fee from last night will suffice." A brief feeling of indignation surges within me. I'm not disabled. Before I say anything, I hear an obnoxious creak from the front door as someone opens it. "It's like, so sad that all the good tourist places are gone now." A mare's voice says behind me. My ears perk up. She is speaking to someone next to her. Her voice is both annoying and chirpy, but I do not recognize it. "I wanted to visit Mount Aris when I was a filly, but like, I guess I'll have to stick to places around Equestria..." My anger has dissipated by now. I stop listening to the annoying mare's chatter. Without a word, I take the coins and place them back into my bag, then I turn to leave. "...and like, the worst part is that everything is just so much more expensive now! It's so unf-" The mare stops speaking to her companion as she notices me walking by her. Her eyes go wide. She is staring at me. My blindfold. My missing wing. I ignore her, then exit the inn. I let the door close itself as I walk out to the distinct smell of petrichor. Light droplets of rain batter my mane and back. Maybe I should have bought an umbrella... Just as I begin to continue my aimless journey, I hear the inn's door burst open. It's that mare. She calls out to me. "[̸̲̞̬̭͔̹̟͐̄͝ͅ]̶̢͉̯̠͉̦̠͎͎̾̌̍̈́͂̽[̷̨̞̖̩͕̳͓̊́̈́͛̈́͗͛̍͗͐ͅ]̶̨̝̈́̈́̔̏̆̕[̵̮̩̌̀͗̈͊̚]̷̨̘͚͎̝̺̘̣͚̪̈̓͆̅̈́̀̾̾̾͗[̶̡̙͖͍̣̺̣̉̔]̵̘͛́[̵̱̟̮̬̱͖̖̝̯̈́̂̈́̃́͝͝]̵̢̯͙̫̦̗̩̙͊̽̀[̵͈̺͙͒̀͜]̴̟̠͎̻͉̍̉ [̶̧̠̼͔̩̤͖̪͖̑́͂̐]̷̧̺̂̀͑̈́̇̿̓͝͝[̶̢̼͒̂̌̀͗͊̿̈́͜͠]̸̱͎̙̫̲͚̱̳͐͗̎̌̏̈̊ͅ[̵̬͊̉͛̊̊̕͘͜͝]̶̨̡̤̙̫͖̭̝̝͗̂̓̊̑́͘[̷̢̮͚̤̲̟̓̈́̀̆͗̔]̴̳̰̭̗̞̒͗͐͛[̴̛͖̦̤͎̉̃ͅͅ]̶̨̱͖͙͔̞͓͌̐̋̓[̸̤̔̈́]̵͓͇̘͔̖͈̜͚͇̓͋͒͌̍́? Is that you?!" There is a sudden ringing noise. I freeze. I feel an overpowering pounding sensation in my head. What was that she said? I put a hoof on my head, it's hurting. I stumble, then fall to one knee. I... I... I kneel face down in the dirt. The stoic, hazmat-clad zebra known as the Grandmaster of Joy looms over me and the other Initiates of Silver. Through his gas mask, he commands us. "If you aspire to be Equines of Silver, then you must master the Aspect of Joy by renouncing all that makes you happy." I hate this. I miss my family. I miss my friends. The Grandmaster catches me sniffling, then quickly wrests my face up towards his gas mask. I wince, and my sniffles morph into sobbing. "Why are you sad?" he asks with uncharacteristic concern as his grip nearly chokes me. Though I try my best to stop crying, I cannot. "I w-wanna go h-home..." His grip remains tight. "Do you have loved ones? Do you care for them?" "Y-yes." I manage to sputter through my constrained air supply. The Grandmaster of Joy is silent for a moment, then he throws me to the ground. The impact dislocates my foreleg, causing me to whimper in pain. He ignores my injury and turns to address all of us. "Love for one's family and friends is natural. Almost all life, from the blessed children of the Godhead to the Cosmic Mistakes scattered throughout the world experience this concept." He reaches down to procure a small vial from his saddlebag. "While I am not the Grandmaster of Love, there is some overlap between our respective aspects. Love and Joy are closely related, you see." I wince as I try to tend to my dislocated leg. It hurts so much. A few of the other zebras and ponies steal glances at me. They do not speak. They do not help. "You miss your home. You miss your family." The Grandmaster of Joy continues, approaching me again and raising the vial to my face. It's unmarked and filled with a translucent cyan fluid. "Those things you love bring you joy. You are sad because you desire that feeling. I will help you remove this weakness from yourself." He briefly examines the vial. "This potion will not take hold now, but it will act as a catalyst when the time is right." The masked zebra roughly yanks my mane back, further stressing my injured leg. I begin to sob uncontrollably. "Do not presume that I find pleasure in this, young initiate," He opens the vial, then brings it up to my mouth, "After all, a proper Equine of Silver is incapable of experiencing joy." The darkness fades, and the blackness returns. It's wet. My ears are still ringing. Everything feels unnatural. My body is unresponsive. The Guidance is silent. I cannot see. There is pressure on my belly. I'm lying on top of something with my limbs strewn about. I no longer feel the rain. Something lowers me onto a cushion of some sort. A hoof gently shakes me. The ringing begins to subside. "...Oh my Celestia, it's her! It's really her!" It's that mare. I still don't recognize her voice. "You know this mare?" Male. I don't know him, either. "Yeah! We were, like, best friends as fillies!" "How come you never told me about her?" "I... I thought she was dead. It hurt to think about her." I groan. The hoof presses against me again. "Maybe we should get those bandages off of her eyes?" One of them begins to fiddle with my blindfold. Without thinking, I quickly strike their hoof away with my own. "Hey!" The stallion says, "Don't hit me, I'm trying to help you!" I feel my voice return to me. "Back off!" I raise a hoof in his general direction. The mare speaks again. "Let me handle this, Match." I hear her shuffle around. She moves next to me. "[̸̲̞̬̭͔̹̟͐̄͝ͅ]̶̢͉̯̠͉̦̠͎͎̾̌̍̈́͂̽[̷̨̞̖̩͕̳͓̊́̈́͛̈́͗͛̍͗͐ͅ]̶̨̝̈́̈́̔̏̆̕[̵̮̩̌̀͗̈͊̚]̷̨̘͚͎̝̺̘̣͚̪̈̓͆̅̈́̀̾̾̾͗[̶̡̙͖͍̣̺̣̉̔]̵̘͛́[̵̱̟̮̬̱͖̖̝̯̈́̂̈́̃́͝͝]̵̢̯͙̫̦̗̩̙͊̽̀[̵͈̺͙͒̀͜]̴̟̠͎̻͉̍̉? Are you okay? Do you remember me?" I wince. The ringing returns, but it is not as strong as before. I bring my hooves to my ears to try and alleviate the pain. With gritted teeth, I demand, "Who are you, and why does that word hurt my ears?!" "[̸̲̞̬̭͔̹̟͐̄͝ͅ]̶̢͉̯̠͉̦̠͎͎̾̌̍̈́͂̽[̷̨̞̖̩͕̳͓̊́̈́͛̈́͗͛̍͗͐ͅ]̶̨̝̈́̈́̔̏̆̕[̵̮̩̌̀͗̈͊̚]̷̨̘͚͎̝̺̘̣͚̪̈̓͆̅̈́̀̾̾̾͗[̶̡̙͖͍̣̺̣̉̔]̵̘͛́[̵̱̟̮̬̱͖̖̝̯̈́̂̈́̃́͝͝]̵̢̯͙̫̦̗̩̙͊̽̀[̵͈̺͙͒̀͜]̴̟̠͎̻͉̍̉?" she says with concern. "Stop saying that!" My face twists in pain. She pauses for a moment. "Sorry, it's just... I thought you died." The ringing fades away again. I try to stand, but my hind legs feel weak. "I'll ask again: Who are you, and how do you know me?" The Guidance returns, but only just. It lets me know that my words have hurt the mare opposite me. Her shrill voice has morphed into one of intense worry. "I'm Soft Breeze. I'm... I'm your best friend." I am silent. Her name is unfamiliar, but her tone is genuine. I feel nothing. There is something wrong. The stallion, Match, speaks up. "She's missing a wing. What happened to her?" I hear the mare hesitate as she examines the stump where my wing used to be. "Are... are you okay? What happened?" I begin to become frustrated. "I got hurt. Now I am blind and grounded. How can you know me when I don't remember you?" "BLIND?!" She brings her hoof up to her mouth, "I'm so sorry!" "Answer my question." A part of me wonders why I am being so short with her. "I... we used to spend every day together. We were gonna go to university together. We were gonna travel the world together. But you... you left for Colthage before I did, and then..." Soft becomes quiet. An unusual sensation briefly forms within me. A distinct longing that is immediately burned away and replaced by apathy. Something is definitely not right with me... I share her silence for a moment, then Match speaks up. "Do you have a place to stay? We were about to start our honeymoon, but we can put it on hold to help you out." "I am... not staying anywhere. I'm looking for something." My home, I think to myself. I'm not sure if that's true. Soft Breeze places her hoof in Match's. "Maybe we could help you find it? I'm sure your family would love to help, too. They'd be, like, beyond delighted to see you again!" My head begins to pound. My family... I try to remember if I had any family, but the only face that comes to mind isn't even a pony, it's a shrouded zebra with a gentle smile, dainty glasses, and an entire continent of corpses behind him. The Star Father. A prophet, now supposedly a god. I shake my head, ridding myself of that chilling image. My mind's eye tunnels inward as I try to force myself and remember. Logically, I should have a family. Parents, at least. And yet the most I can conjure up is a faceless group of ponies, all of which mean nothing to me. My family... Why do I feel nothing? The Grandmaster of Joy's stone-cold expression shatters the foggy remnant of that memory. His appearance strikes me with a profound sense of dread. They took away my ability to feel happiness. I take a deep breath and stand up from the couch. The Guidance offers some comfort, showing me how to descend without hurting myself. "[̸̲̞̬̭͔̹̟͐̄͝ͅ]̶̢͉̯̠͉̦̠͎͎̾̌̍̈́͂̽[̷̨̞̖̩͕̳͓̊́̈́͛̈́͗͛̍͗͐ͅ]̶̨̝̈́̈́̔̏̆̕[̵̮̩̌̀͗̈͊̚]̷̨̘͚͎̝̺̘̣͚̪̈̓͆̅̈́̀̾̾̾͗[̶̡̙͖͍̣̺̣̉̔]̵̘͛́[̵̱̟̮̬̱͖̖̝̯̈́̂̈́̃́͝͝]̵̢̯͙̫̦̗̩̙͊̽̀[̵͈̺͙͒̀͜]̴̟̠͎̻͉̍̉, wait." The ringing returns briefly but not as intense as before. My mind refuses to comprehend the name she says. "I have to go," I say. As much as it pains me to sever the only connection to my old life, I feel like I would hurt them far more once they realized just how far gone the pony they knew was. Soft reaches out and grasps my hoof as I turn to leave. I have brought her to tears. "Please don't leave me again." My mind screams at me not to do this. I hesitate. "I... I need you to let go of me. You don't want to see what I've become." My words tear at her heart. She releases me. The stallion speaks up again. "Listen. I may not know you, but I can see how important you are to my wife. You may think that hurting her like this is the best thing to do, but you are wrong. There is nothing more important in life than your loved ones, and you are clearly hers." He pauses, "Well, in addition to me, her family, and... never mind. The point is, don't burn bridges when it will leave you stranded and alone." I'm facing towards the door. I muster the strength to take a step forward. The Guidance tells me to stop. Through the uncomfortable silence and pitter-patter of rain on the roof, I hear the whisper of a voice. It's far away, unfathomably so. "I'm sorry." My heart skips a beat. It's the purple zebra. She's still alive. I now know what I must do. I turn my head towards Soft and Match. "There's... there's something that I need to take care of. I'll come find you once I'm done." I quickly exit through the door and walk into the rain once again. I am the Guide. I wield the Guidance. The Guidance will show me the way. Author's Note What must she do, though?
4 - The Only Thing That Lasts ForeverThe knife descends. It descends again. I can't move. The zebra hesitates, then screams, "WHY? WHY IS SHE SO IMPORTANT?!" I can't move. The zebra takes the knife to my wing. I'm in shock from the pain. I can't... I'm not sure how long I had walked. At some point, I could feel the sun on my face when the morning birds chirped. I was moving westward, I assumed. I'm getting close to my destination. The Guidance is quieter than usual, but it still nudges me in the correct direction from time to time. I am getting nightmares about the purple zebra more often now. Her face is contorted with the purest rage as she raises her knife. She blinded me and crippled me, and now the Guidance is leading me to her. A chill passes through me. Is that fear I feel? Or some twisted form of relief? What will she do? What will I do? I press on. Another memory surfaces. "What would it take to convince you that you're wrong?" One of us asks the other. "For me to be wrong, you would need to be right. There is only one truth, my student, and it comes from the Star Father." "One day, you'll realize that everything that you believe in is a lie, and that you hurt countless creatures for nothing. I hope I get to see it." "You won't." At some point, I pass by another traveler. I discover that Appleloosa isn't too far away and that the buffalo lands are nearby. I thank the traveler for the information and assure them that I do not need help. It is another hour before the Guidance offers its next piece of advice: a slight left, through the meadow ahead. There are no rocks present, so I do not need to tread carefully. I briefly stop to admire the beautiful sounds of nature. It is... peaceful. I wish I could share that peace. Soon I reach a clearing, and the Guidance shows me a humble cottage with a nearby garden, along with some large trees offering shade to small critters underneath it. A clothesline is strung up with variously sized garments side by side. There is somepony working in the garden. I begin to approach them. I do not call out to the pony, but I intentionally step on a branch to alert them to my presence. I hear them stop. They briefly look over at me. "Another visitor? What ailments do you seek my help for?" A female voice. It's... there's something... My breathing stops. That's not a pony, it's her. The purple zebra. She saw me. She doesn't recognize me. I'm lost for words. I simply stand there, frozen. The zebra is tending to her plants, humming a pleasant tune. Eventually, she looks at me again. "If you're going to stand there, you might as well help me with..." All of the birds are now silent. The leaves in the trees are perfectly still. The zebra stops as well. I can tell that her heart has skipped a beat. She stands up. The color has drained from her stripes. We stare at each other, but I can see her better than she sees me. She's utterly terrified. I manage some words. "You hurt me." There is so much more that I want to say, but I can't figure out how to say it. "I... I know." She trembles as she tightly grips the trowel she was tending to her garden with just a moment ago. "Are you a spirit? Or are you really...?" "I'm really here," I say. I feel like I should be furious with her, yet I feel nothing. The zebra becomes only more tense. "But... how? How are you here? How did you... survive?" I keep my head level as if to stare directly at her. "I think you know how." I did not think her face could become more pale. "No... that's... that's not possible. The Guidance is gone. It-" "The Guidance isn't gone, you threw it away." The silence that followed my statement could be measured in eons. In time, I find some words to say, but something unexpected happens. A young figure appears from the cottage. "Mom! I can't find my favorite book! Can you-" "Gael," the zebra says with a tone so firm and commanding that it could humble even the most rebellious revolutionary, "Go to your room. Now." Even still, the younger voice didn't understand the gravity of the zebra's voice. He looked at me, then back to the zebra. "Is that mare a friend of yours, mom? Why are there bandages on her-" "I SAID GO TO YOUR ROOM, GAEL!" The zebra practically screamed at the young colt. The young pony is frightened. He hurriedly goes back inside. No, wait. There was something off about his shape. The Guidance is correcting me. That wasn't a pony, that was... "That's a griffon." A question in a statement. "Yes," the zebra replied, "He is." We are quiet again. I try to process this information. The zebra eventually speaks. Her voice is uneven, almost as if she expects to die here and now. "Are you here for revenge?" A well of anger springs up within me, then dissipates as quickly as it came. Or... at least I think it was anger. "I... don't think so." There is yet another pause. Pieces of my memory begin to fall back into place: the zebra in front of me is (or was?) one of the most important equines within the Ascendancy. "Why are you looking after a griffon? After... after everything you did to them?" The zebra is disarmed by my question. She falters, then lowers her head toward the ground. Is that... is that shame? From her, of all creatures? "I... I had to know." She almost whispers. Had to know what? I walk towards her. "You helped butcher them by the millions. Them and everycreature who stood against you." "Yes," her voice cracked, "I did." Is she starting to cry? ...No, but she is now sitting down and staring at the dirt. I press forward with more questions. "Then why come here, to a remote part of Equestria? Why raise a griffon in secret? Do you seriously think that this will make things right?" A breeze picks up. The leaves in the trees brush against one another, and the drying fabrics on the clothesline flap in the wind. There is a small figure poking his head out of the attic window of the cottage. I doubt he can hear us from here, but he does see everything transpiring between us. "I..." There are tears now. "I have to try. I... I can't..." I'm right in front of her now. She's more broken than I was when I woke up in the hospital. Still, I want answers. "You can't what?" She sobs briefly, then wipes her face and composes herself. "There's... there's something I want to show you. Come inside." I almost tell her no. I almost demand to be told the truth here and now. But the Guidance also demands that I go along with her request. If that is what I am supposed to do, then so be it. With some effort, the zebra stands up. She seems utterly exhausted, despite us speaking for only a few minutes. Perhaps it has been longer? Time seemed to flow much quicker ever since I obtained the Guidance. Regardless, she leads me to her cottage. It is quaint, yet comfortable. There are many herbs, materials, and concoctions that give away her trade as an alchemist, and... My breath hitches. ...a knife. The knife. It's on a countertop, next to a vegetable of some kind. The sight gifted by the Guidance doesn't specify further details. The zebra walks past it without acknowledging it. At the top of the stairs is the young griffon from earlier. He is staring at me curiously. I turn my head towards him, and confusion appears on his face. He must be trying to figure out how I can see things. "In here, please." The zebra opened one of the few doors in the cottage. Inside is... I'm not sure. I am not privy to that information. I step forward, then hesitate. Walking into the unknown like that... The zebra senses my fear. "Just as you are not here to hurt me, I am not here to hurt you." She offers a hoof, "I... I need you to see this." "I can't see," I state weakly. A pathetic response, given that I had traversed the entire continent without sight. "I know," She plays along. I take her hoof, and then enter the void. ... She closes the door behind us. I cannot sense anything inside of this room. It's just me and her in an endless black abyss. She lets go of my hoof. I hear her hoofsteps on wood as she walks away from me. She reaches into... a drawer? It's hard to tell. As she does so, she begins to speak. "A long time ago, I had two friends," The void becomes a brilliant night sky, untainted by the light of civilization. There are two other zebras floating in the air above us. One male, one female. "They never knew each other, but... they both meant the world to me." Two names come to my mind. "Zethro and Elishat." She seems surprised. "...Yes. Is... did the Guidance tell you?" "I read your journal, remember?" She looks away again. I think she's recalling one of the many times she threatened to kill me for prying into her life. "Right. You did." She sighs, then retrieves that very journal from the darkness she had been reaching into. "I... lost them, but you also know that. But what I wrote down long ago wasn't what actually happened." I tilt my head. "What happened, then?" She hugged her journal close to herself. "When Zethro became ill in the Whitetail Mountains, I... I had the opportunity to ask for help from a nearby griffon settlement. I had done some research on that illness after he died, and... I found that it was native to the region." She grits her teeth. "If I had... If I had not been so stupid, so prideful in my race's superiority... if I had humbled myself enough to ask for help from those griffons, he might have lived. But I didn't." I can't quite pin down the feeling I am experiencing, but it's not... pleasant. I opt to not say anything. The zebra continues as the image of Zethro fades from the sky. "Elishat... I had feelings for her. When we were traveling towards the Key Lake near the Changeling Queendom, I almost confessed those feelings to her. It wouldn't have mattered if I did, because by then she was already dead and replaced by a changeling assassin." There are tears, again. "But that's not the whole story. When we first arrived in port to Ditrysium, she expressed concern about the trustworthiness of Changelings. I... I dismissed her concerns, because I was fully convinced that they were filled with the same spirit of equinity as myself. That they would never betray our trust. That they were better than the avians I had been taught to hate. If I had listened to her, she might still be here. But I didn't." The image of Elishat fades from the sky. The zebra in front of me opens the journal and carefully turns the pages. "And then after... after I hurt you, I realized just how wrong I had been about everything. Every righteous action I had taken was a foolish mistake. Every dead heretic was just another innocent victim in the Ascendancy's genocidal campaign. Everything you said about me was right, and... It was just like you said: 'They died for nothing.'" There is a lump in my throat. I feel like I should say something, but the words fail to form in my mouth. Another image forms in the cosmos behind the zebra. It's... her, slumped against the side of the boat's cabin on that fateful day where she crippled me. She continues. "I was left without the power that made me who I was. It took me a while to accept that, and it wasn't until long after the Teacher's transcendence-" She stops, then corrects herself, "Hiram's death, that I stopped calling myself the Guide." She looks to the side, then sighs. "I couldn't bear to stand among them anymore. I don't know if it was guilt that convinced me to mess with the focusing crystals in that ritual, but... I suppose it doesn't matter. The Ascendancy believes that Hiram became the Godhead, but no, he's dead. I know it." The scene fades, and another takes its place. She's walking alone through a town square of sorts. There are ponies helping griffon refugees. "I left, and I fled as far as I could from that cursed nation. It's doomed to collapse, anyway. Once they disagree on something, it'll fall like a house of cards. It's just a matter of time." She retrieves a small photograph from her journal. The details of it are not visible to me, but I remember what is on it: a young pony and a griffon hugging one another. "You asked me why I came here. Why I'm raising a griffon. Well, this is why. I needed to know for sure that I was wrong about them. I needed to know that they aren't inherently evil, and that the Ascendancy is wrong. That I was wrong. So I... adopted one whose parents were killed by them." "That won't fix the fact that griffons are an endangered species now." The words leave my mouth before I consider how hurtful they are. If my remark stings her, then she doesn't show it. "I... I can't ever be forgiven for the sins I've committed. But I have to try." She turns to face me, her eyes filled with hopelessness and cheeks stained with guilt. "I have to make it right. It's impossible, but I have to try anyway. It would be wrong of me not to. I owe it to all of those I've wronged. I owe it to... my friends." She's pouring her heart out to me, and I don't know how to respond. I just stand there. The cosmos fades, and the void returns. She closes her journal and sets it back into the darkness. "And now you're here. Back from the dead, and holding the Guidance I treasured so deeply. Why? I know I don't deserve it, but... I need to know. Why is the Guidance with you? Why did it bring you back to me?" Her voice raises, "Why did it want me to spare you?! What even is the Guidance?!" It's just us, now. Floating in darkness, with a mysterious force that defies explanation. I consider her words, and the lump in my throat returns. I slowly make my way over to her, but each step feels like an eternity. She stands there, crumbling, yet holding on to herself. She held the Guidance for so long, and yet at that pivotal moment where it demanded an action from her, she defied it. What did it want for her? What does it want for me? It's quiet, and yet... the Guidance speaks to me. It speaks without words in the same way that I can see without sight. There is a moment of confusion, then comprehension, then acceptance. I know what I must do. I take one final step forward, then reach my front hooves out around her and pull her into an embrace. "I forgive you." What was left of the zebra's composure shatters, and she begins to bawl. I hold onto her, and eventually, she embraces me back. We stand there for an incomprehensible amount of time. Eventually, she manages some words between her sobs. "H-How? How can you forgive me for what I did to you?" Because the Guidance knew that was what she needed. It knew that she needed it now, and it knew that she needed it all those years ago, and even before that. "The Guidance always wanted you to walk the right path. You just made a mistake, that's all." Her sobs intensify. I wonder briefly if the Guidance brought me here solely to comfort her. Then it dawns on me. I needed to see her as much as she needed to see me. She needed forgiveness. I needed closure. The Guidance wants us to become better ponies. Better zebras. Better creatures. Somehow, despite the impossibility of it, a tear drips down from my bandaged face. I join her in her sobbing, Time passes. Slowly, the shape of a bedroom forms around us, and the void we are standing in fades away. We separate from one another, then regain some semblance of composure. A thought occurs to me between my sniffling. "You know... you never did tell me your name." She chuckles in between her own sniffling. "It's Zayla." That gives me pause. Such a mundane name for such an impactful, extraordinary zebra. "And what about you? What's your name?" I open my mouth, but nothing comes out. "I... I don't know. I can't remember." Zayla stares at me briefly, then laughs. "I think you know." Oh. Of course. What else could it be, after all? "I am the Guide." I wield the Guidance. The Guidance will show me the way. And just as the way will guide me to becoming better than who I was, I will guide others to becoming better than who they were. Author's Note For personal reasons, I find it very, very difficult to sit down and actually finish writing any of my stories. It's so easy to leave a story unfinished - when an adventure's ending isn't set in stone, then anything can happen. I won't think about what could have been, or worry that I may have disappointed someone with how I wrote it. But a story that doesn't have an ending is almost worse than never writing the story at all. I must have sat down probably fifty nights or so telling myself "I'll finish this tonight" and ended up doing something else unproductive. At some point, I recalled a quote by some author that I cannot remember: The worst story ever written is still infinitely better than the greatest story never written. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for accompanying me throughout the journey of the Star Father, the (original) Guide, her companions, and The Ascendancy as a whole. This is the end, well and truly. I'll see you next time, in whatever adventure that may be.
