The bells toll. The trials continue.

I can't stop.

Some of us collapse from exhaustion. They are executed on the spot.

I can't stop.

"You will hold your fragment of the Godhead with pride, or you will hold nothing at all."

I can't...

I wake up with a cold sweat. Another nightmare.

I have to stop. The nightmares are getting worse. I have to stop trying to remember...

But I need to know what happened to me.

Through the open window, I hear the chirping of birds. It's probably morning. I rise from the bed and gather my things. I don't have much, considering that I was only given a small stipend of funds once I was registered as a refugee. That was a few weeks ago, I believe.

It's hard to keep track of time when I do not have a schedule, job, or anything tying me down for that matter. When I left Baltimare, I didn't even know where I should go at first. I only had a foggy memory of my old home. It was near a city, somewhere along the eastern coast of Equestria... I think.

The only thing I have to help me find it is the Guidance.

It is ever-present, yet not there at all. It tells me where to go without words, and it shows me what is around me without eyes. I can't explain it very well. My memory of when I explained the Guidance to the purple zebra seems accurate.

I frown. There is something off about that memory. I can't place my hoof on it, though.

Nevertheless, I am drawn towards a direction, and like a dutiful student, I follow. I leave the inn's bedroom and head downstairs.

I approach the front desk. The innkeeper smiles at me. "You sure seem good at finding your way around with that blindfold on, miss!"

"It comes naturally to me," I offer a smile back, then retrieve some bits from my bag. "Here, thank you again for letting me stay here."

I feel the innkeeper press the coins back into my hooves. "No no, it would be impolite of me to charge full price for a disabled pony. The fee from last night will suffice."

A brief feeling of indignation surges within me. I'm not disabled.

Before I say anything, I hear an obnoxious creak from the front door as someone opens it.

"It's like, so sad that all the good tourist places are gone now." A mare's voice says behind me. My ears perk up. She is speaking to someone next to her. Her voice is both annoying and chirpy, but I do not recognize it. "I wanted to visit Mount Aris when I was a filly, but like, I guess I'll have to stick to places around Equestria..."

My anger has dissipated by now. I stop listening to the annoying mare's chatter. Without a word, I take the coins and place them back into my bag, then I turn to leave.

"...and like, the worst part is that everything is just so much more expensive now! It's so unf-" The mare stops speaking to her companion as she notices me walking by her. Her eyes go wide. She is staring at me. My blindfold. My missing wing.

I ignore her, then exit the inn. I let the door close itself as I walk out to the distinct smell of petrichor. Light droplets of rain batter my mane and back. Maybe I should have bought an umbrella...

Just as I begin to continue my aimless journey, I hear the inn's door burst open.

It's that mare. She calls out to me. "[̸̲̞̬̭͔̹̟͐̄͝ͅ]̶̢͉̯̠͉̦̠͎͎̾̌̍̈́͂̽[̷̨̞̖̩͕̳͓̊́̈́͛̈́͗͛̍͗͐ͅ]̶̨̝̈́̈́̔̏̆̕[̵̮̩̌̀͗̈͊̚]̷̨̘͚͎̝̺̘̣͚̪̈̓͆̅̈́̀̾̾̾͗[̶̡̙͖͍̣̺̣̉̔]̵̘͛́[̵̱̟̮̬̱͖̖̝̯̈́̂̈́̃́͝͝]̵̢̯͙̫̦̗̩̙͊̽̀[̵͈̺͙͒̀͜]̴̟̠͎̻͉̍̉ [̶̧̠̼͔̩̤͖̪͖̑́͂̐]̷̧̺̂̀͑̈́̇̿̓͝͝[̶̢̼͒̂̌̀͗͊̿̈́͜͠]̸̱͎̙̫̲͚̱̳͐͗̎̌̏̈̊ͅ[̵̬͊̉͛̊̊̕͘͜͝]̶̨̡̤̙̫͖̭̝̝͗̂̓̊̑́͘[̷̢̮͚̤̲̟̓̈́̀̆͗̔]̴̳̰̭̗̞̒͗͐͛[̴̛͖̦̤͎̉̃ͅͅ]̶̨̱͖͙͔̞͓͌̐̋̓[̸̤̔̈́]̵͓͇̘͔̖͈̜͚͇̓͋͒͌̍́? Is that you?!"

There is a sudden ringing noise. I freeze. I feel an overpowering pounding sensation in my head. What was that she said? I put a hoof on my head, it's hurting. I stumble, then fall to one knee. I... I...

I kneel face down in the dirt. The stoic, hazmat-clad zebra known as the Grandmaster of Joy looms over me and the other Initiates of Silver. Through his gas mask, he commands us. "If you aspire to be Equines of Silver, then you must master the Aspect of Joy by renouncing all that makes you happy."

I hate this. I miss my family. I miss my friends. The Grandmaster catches me sniffling, then quickly wrests my face up towards his gas mask. I wince, and my sniffles morph into sobbing.

"Why are you sad?" he asks with uncharacteristic concern as his grip nearly chokes me.

Though I try my best to stop crying, I cannot. "I w-wanna go h-home..."

His grip remains tight. "Do you have loved ones? Do you care for them?"

"Y-yes." I manage to sputter through my constrained air supply.

The Grandmaster of Joy is silent for a moment, then he throws me to the ground. The impact dislocates my foreleg, causing me to whimper in pain. He ignores my injury and turns to address all of us. "Love for one's family and friends is natural. Almost all life, from the blessed children of the Godhead to the Cosmic Mistakes scattered throughout the world experience this concept." He reaches down to procure a small vial from his saddlebag. "While I am not the Grandmaster of Love, there is some overlap between our respective aspects. Love and Joy are closely related, you see."

I wince as I try to tend to my dislocated leg. It hurts so much. A few of the other zebras and ponies steal glances at me. They do not speak. They do not help.

"You miss your home. You miss your family." The Grandmaster of Joy continues, approaching me again and raising the vial to my face. It's unmarked and filled with a translucent cyan fluid. "Those things you love bring you joy. You are sad because you desire that feeling. I will help you remove this weakness from yourself." He briefly examines the vial. "This potion will not take hold now, but it will act as a catalyst when the time is right."

The masked zebra roughly yanks my mane back, further stressing my injured leg. I begin to sob uncontrollably. "Do not presume that I find pleasure in this, young initiate," He opens the vial, then brings it up to my mouth, "After all, a proper Equine of Silver is incapable of experiencing joy."

The darkness fades, and the blackness returns.

It's wet. My ears are still ringing. Everything feels unnatural. My body is unresponsive.

The Guidance is silent. I cannot see.

There is pressure on my belly. I'm lying on top of something with my limbs strewn about.

I no longer feel the rain. Something lowers me onto a cushion of some sort. A hoof gently shakes me.

The ringing begins to subside.

"...Oh my Celestia, it's her! It's really her!" It's that mare. I still don't recognize her voice.

"You know this mare?" Male. I don't know him, either.

"Yeah! We were, like, best friends as fillies!"

"How come you never told me about her?"

"I... I thought she was dead. It hurt to think about her."

I groan. The hoof presses against me again.

"Maybe we should get those bandages off of her eyes?"

One of them begins to fiddle with my blindfold. Without thinking, I quickly strike their hoof away with my own.

"Hey!" The stallion says, "Don't hit me, I'm trying to help you!"

I feel my voice return to me. "Back off!" I raise a hoof in his general direction.

The mare speaks again. "Let me handle this, Match." I hear her shuffle around. She moves next to me. "[̸̲̞̬̭͔̹̟͐̄͝ͅ]̶̢͉̯̠͉̦̠͎͎̾̌̍̈́͂̽[̷̨̞̖̩͕̳͓̊́̈́͛̈́͗͛̍͗͐ͅ]̶̨̝̈́̈́̔̏̆̕[̵̮̩̌̀͗̈͊̚]̷̨̘͚͎̝̺̘̣͚̪̈̓͆̅̈́̀̾̾̾͗[̶̡̙͖͍̣̺̣̉̔]̵̘͛́[̵̱̟̮̬̱͖̖̝̯̈́̂̈́̃́͝͝]̵̢̯͙̫̦̗̩̙͊̽̀[̵͈̺͙͒̀͜]̴̟̠͎̻͉̍̉? Are you okay? Do you remember me?"

I wince. The ringing returns, but it is not as strong as before. I bring my hooves to my ears to try and alleviate the pain. With gritted teeth, I demand, "Who are you, and why does that word hurt my ears?!"

"[̸̲̞̬̭͔̹̟͐̄͝ͅ]̶̢͉̯̠͉̦̠͎͎̾̌̍̈́͂̽[̷̨̞̖̩͕̳͓̊́̈́͛̈́͗͛̍͗͐ͅ]̶̨̝̈́̈́̔̏̆̕[̵̮̩̌̀͗̈͊̚]̷̨̘͚͎̝̺̘̣͚̪̈̓͆̅̈́̀̾̾̾͗[̶̡̙͖͍̣̺̣̉̔]̵̘͛́[̵̱̟̮̬̱͖̖̝̯̈́̂̈́̃́͝͝]̵̢̯͙̫̦̗̩̙͊̽̀[̵͈̺͙͒̀͜]̴̟̠͎̻͉̍̉?" she says with concern.

"Stop saying that!" My face twists in pain.

She pauses for a moment. "Sorry, it's just... I thought you died."

The ringing fades away again. I try to stand, but my hind legs feel weak. "I'll ask again: Who are you, and how do you know me?"

The Guidance returns, but only just. It lets me know that my words have hurt the mare opposite me.

Her shrill voice has morphed into one of intense worry. "I'm Soft Breeze. I'm... I'm your best friend."

I am silent. Her name is unfamiliar, but her tone is genuine. I feel nothing. There is something wrong.

The stallion, Match, speaks up. "She's missing a wing. What happened to her?"

I hear the mare hesitate as she examines the stump where my wing used to be. "Are... are you okay? What happened?"

I begin to become frustrated. "I got hurt. Now I am blind and grounded. How can you know me when I don't remember you?"

"BLIND?!" She brings her hoof up to her mouth, "I'm so sorry!"

"Answer my question." A part of me wonders why I am being so short with her.

"I... we used to spend every day together. We were gonna go to university together. We were gonna travel the world together. But you... you left for Colthage before I did, and then..." Soft becomes quiet.

An unusual sensation briefly forms within me. A distinct longing that is immediately burned away and replaced by apathy. Something is definitely not right with me...

I share her silence for a moment, then Match speaks up. "Do you have a place to stay? We were about to start our honeymoon, but we can put it on hold to help you out."

"I am... not staying anywhere. I'm looking for something." My home, I think to myself. I'm not sure if that's true.

Soft Breeze places her hoof in Match's. "Maybe we could help you find it? I'm sure your family would love to help, too. They'd be, like, beyond delighted to see you again!"

My head begins to pound. My family...

I try to remember if I had any family, but the only face that comes to mind isn't even a pony, it's a shrouded zebra with a gentle smile, dainty glasses, and an entire continent of corpses behind him. The Star Father. A prophet, now supposedly a god. I shake my head, ridding myself of that chilling image.

My mind's eye tunnels inward as I try to force myself and remember. Logically, I should have a family. Parents, at least. And yet the most I can conjure up is a faceless group of ponies, all of which mean nothing to me. My family... Why do I feel nothing?

The Grandmaster of Joy's stone-cold expression shatters the foggy remnant of that memory. His appearance strikes me with a profound sense of dread. They took away my ability to feel happiness.

I take a deep breath and stand up from the couch. The Guidance offers some comfort, showing me how to descend without hurting myself.

"[̸̲̞̬̭͔̹̟͐̄͝ͅ]̶̢͉̯̠͉̦̠͎͎̾̌̍̈́͂̽[̷̨̞̖̩͕̳͓̊́̈́͛̈́͗͛̍͗͐ͅ]̶̨̝̈́̈́̔̏̆̕[̵̮̩̌̀͗̈͊̚]̷̨̘͚͎̝̺̘̣͚̪̈̓͆̅̈́̀̾̾̾͗[̶̡̙͖͍̣̺̣̉̔]̵̘͛́[̵̱̟̮̬̱͖̖̝̯̈́̂̈́̃́͝͝]̵̢̯͙̫̦̗̩̙͊̽̀[̵͈̺͙͒̀͜]̴̟̠͎̻͉̍̉, wait." The ringing returns briefly but not as intense as before. My mind refuses to comprehend the name she says.

"I have to go," I say. As much as it pains me to sever the only connection to my old life, I feel like I would hurt them far more once they realized just how far gone the pony they knew was.

Soft reaches out and grasps my hoof as I turn to leave. I have brought her to tears. "Please don't leave me again."

My mind screams at me not to do this. I hesitate. "I... I need you to let go of me. You don't want to see what I've become."

My words tear at her heart. She releases me.

The stallion speaks up again. "Listen. I may not know you, but I can see how important you are to my wife. You may think that hurting her like this is the best thing to do, but you are wrong. There is nothing more important in life than your loved ones, and you are clearly hers." He pauses, "Well, in addition to me, her family, and... never mind. The point is, don't burn bridges when it will leave you stranded and alone."

I'm facing towards the door. I muster the strength to take a step forward.

The Guidance tells me to stop. Through the uncomfortable silence and pitter-patter of rain on the roof, I hear the whisper of a voice. It's far away, unfathomably so.

"I'm sorry."

My heart skips a beat. It's the purple zebra. She's still alive.

I now know what I must do.

I turn my head towards Soft and Match. "There's... there's something that I need to take care of. I'll come find you once I'm done." I quickly exit through the door and walk into the rain once again.

I am the Guide. I wield the Guidance. The Guidance will show me the way.

Author's Note

What must she do, though?