The Elephant in the Relationship

by Monochromatic

Rating: everyone
Tags: Equestria Girls, Twilight Sparkle (EqG), Romance, Rarity (EqG), Rainbow Dash (EqG), Comedy
Length: 2912

Twilight Sparkle is sure that Rarity and Rainbow Dash are having relationship issues, primarily because they keep inviting her to join them on all their romantic dates.

Twilight Sparkle is sure that Rarity and Rainbow Dash are having relationship issues, primarily because they keep inviting her to join them on all their romantic dates.

Commission for the ever-lovely Kits. Artwork by Maxima.

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Published 2023-01-20 21:50:04 UTC
Last updated 2023-01-20 21:50:04 UTC

Issues

Twilight Sparkle wrote in her notebook in neat purple pen:

The Elephant in the Relationship
Rarity and Rainbow Dash (3 years together – March 20XX to March 20XY) are having relationship issues.

Things felt easier to contend with when she could see them written before her—especially things she hated to have to deal with, like the cheesy Christmas music blaring out the mega-mall speakers, or the fact that two of her dearest friends were clearly having relationship issues.

Issues.

She stopped tapping the tip of her pen against her skull long enough to write the word below her initial opening statement, taking a moment to glare at the howling toddler three tables over.

Kids.

Issues Between Rarity and Rainbow
1. Intimacy Avoidance
2. Confrontation Avoidance
3. Deflection

It was important to note that neither Rarity nor Rainbow Dash had ever confided in Twilight about these issues. In fact, further investigations carried out during school hours led Twilight to conclude that absolutely no one in the friend group thought or suspected anything was wrong with Rarity and Rainbow’s seemingly picture-perfect relationship.

But Twilight knew better.

Twilight knew something was wrong.

Rarity and Rainbow Dash had gone on at least six official date nights and four impromptu date nights in the past two months. Twilight knew the dates of these Dates, the times they had started and ended, and where the two girls had gone every single time.

Most importantly, she didn’t just know this because Rarity insisted on sharing every single detail of her life with Twilight, but primarily because, well…

Well…

They’d invited Twilight to every single date.

“Twilight!”

She looked up from her notes and couldn’t help a smile at the sight of Rainbow Dash running up, still wearing her slightly dirty soccer uniform. Truthfully, sports had always been something Twilight didn’t care for, but that changed when she first saw Rainbow in action. It was hard not to admire someone who could confidently run and get dirty and sometimes even fall in front of a whole stadium of high school students.

Twilight waved at her. “Rainbow!”

As soon as she reached her, Rainbow took a chair and spun it round, sitting on it so the backrest was against her chest.

“Hey, sorry I’m late!” Rainbow said, huffing only just a little. “Practice ran long today.”

“Oh, that’s okay.” She quickly closed her notebook and gave her friend her full attention. “How did it go?”

Rainbow crossed her arms over the top of the backrest. “Killed it. Obviously.”

Twilight laughed gently. “Really?”

“Oh, yeah,” Rainbow replied, and then did The Grin™. “Wish you and Rares had been there to see the goal I scored at the last second. Would have blown your mind.”

The Grin, for reference, was the name for a particular kind of grin Twilight noticed Rainbow had—not that this was weird that she’d noticed. She just noticed these things, and Rainbow had great smiles, so it was hard not to notice.

Anyway.

The Grin, Twilight noticed, was something Rainbow only did when on dates with Rarity. It wasn’t the characteristic cool and confident boastful smile she threw around all the time, but more… sincere? Like she was proud but also wanted the other person to be proud.

It made sense she’d reserve that smile for Rarity. Of course, one would want their significant other to be proud and impressed, so Twilight was more than happy to fill that role while Rarity wasn’t there.

“I wish I could have been there to see it,” she said genuinely, and then quickly added, “and I’m sure Rarity would have, too!”

Rainbow sighed. “Man, same. Literally, like, right after I scored, I wish I had filmed it to show you two. You’d have thought I was so cool.”

“You are cool,” Twilight replied, the words tumbling out her mouth unbidden. She was immediately embarrassed afterward, and she didn’t exactly know why. This happened a lot with Rainbow, probably because jocks were always intimidating back in Crystal Prep, so she still wasn’t used to having a sporty friend that was cool and nice.

Thankfully, Rainbow didn’t seem to mind. She looked at Twilight for about a half-second and then smiled genuinely, leaning in ever so slightly.

“Thanks, Twi,” she said. She then leaned back, and The Grin returned. “I mean, I know I’m cool, but I’m glad you think so, too.”

“Girls!”

They turned around to find Rarity running up to them, carrying at least three shopping bags with her.

“Goodness gracious, I’m SO sorry, my darlings! Have you been waiting long?” she asked upon reaching them, huffing and puffing and putting the bags down on the table with a thud. “I don’t know what happened to make me so late!”

“Yeaaah,” Rainbow Dash said, eyeing the bags. “It’s a real mystery.”

Twilight’s sensible chuckle transformed into a loud laugh at Rarity’s scandalized expression.

“Pardon me!” she said, sitting down with a huff. “I’ll have you know only one of these bags is from this afternoon!”

Twilight pushed up her glasses. “That doesn’t make it better if the others are from this morning,” she ventured playfully, joining in with Rainbow’s loud guffawing at Rarity’s further scandalized-slash-guilty gasp.

“You’re both insufferable,” she whined, looking away. “You’ve really upset me.”

Twilight immediately felt herself clench up. Wait, had they really upset Rarity? Or, even worse, had Twilight upset her? Surely as the girlfriend, Rainbow Dash was given more leeway, but Twilight wasn’t a girlfriend, and she was already so prone to committing faux pas and—

“No, we haven’t,” Rainbow said, somehow relaxed, contrasting starkly with Twilight’s apprehensive leaning in.

“R-Rarity, wait,” Twilight said cautiously. “I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Sincerity coated her words. She really liked Rarity, especially because she wasn’t like the other preppy girls she knew. She was friendly, and funny, and generous, and she had never once made Twilight feel less than or inferior (even when it came to fashion, Rarity was always positive and encouraging!).

“Well, you have!” Rarity said theatrically. “There’s really nothing you can do now to fix this!”

As soon as she finished her sentence, she extended her hand toward the two girls while still making a show out of dramatically looking away.

Twilight blinked at the hand, glancing at Rainbow for some sort of explanation. “Err…?”

Rainbow, in turn, rolled her eyes and took Rarity’s hand in hers, giving it two or three sloppy kisses. “Ooooh, Ra-ri-tyyyyy, we’re so sorry!” she said in a slightly droning voice that went along quite well with Rarity’s muffled giggling. “We’re so lucky you love us so much! Can you eeeever forgive us?”

Rarity hummed loudly. “I just don’t knoooooow. I suppose…” She turned to grace them with a generous look. “I suppose I can forgive you, yes. Well, at least, you I can forgive, Twilight,” she continued, reaching over to hold Twilight’s hand lovingly. She then shot Rainbow a dirty look. “You, on the other hand? I’ll think about it.”

Oh wow, Twilight thought, her hand frozen in Rarity’s, she’s so soft.

“Yeah, yeah,” Rainbow said, waving Rarity off. “I already knew you’d ditch me for Twilight sooner or later! And I don’t blame you.”

Suddenly, Twilight’s flustered fascination with Rarity’s warm hand stopped just as her eyes widened in fear.

That had been a joke.

Factually, going off the tone and the smile Rarity and Rainbow Dash shared, that statement had been a joke.

And yet, if Twilight had learned anything from the two weeks she’d been too invested in reading approximately the entire literature on psychology, it was that people who didn’t want to acknowledge a feeling often slipped it in as a joke.

How the heck did she even handle this? Did she even handle this? Was Rainbow Dash afraid Rarity wanted to leave her for someone else? But it was Rainbow who’d invited Twilight the last few times to the dates.

Unless Rainbow wanted Twilight there to soften the blow of Rarity’s rejection? But then that was silly because Rarity was the one who planned all the dates, so clearly she was interested in Rainbow.

And then it happened. Twilight couldn’t take it anymore.

“Girls,” she said, her voice harrowed, “what’s going on?”

Both Rarity and Rainbow turned to her, blinking. “What?”

“Something is wrong,” Twilight said matter-of-factly. “What’s wrong? What’s going on? Tell me.”

The longest silence she’d ever been forced to live through ensued. Followed, finally, by Rainbow Dash swallowing hard and damningly saying:

“Okay, it’s over, Rarity. Let’s just do it.”

Rarity gasped, completely missing Twilight’s blanching expression. “What? Now?” she exclaimed, aghast. She gestured around them. “You want to do this here? In a food court?”

Rainbow gave her a Look. “Babe. Rares.”

“In front of the bloody Bamboo Taco Express?!” When Rainbow said nothing, Rarity turned to Twilight, contrite. “Twilight. I didn’t want this. Just remember that. She made this happen like this.”

And just like that, everything snapped into place. This was it. This was why they had invited her everywhere. Why they both constantly made sure Twilight Sparkle was present on every date, and regaled her with attention and presents, making her feel nice and loved.

It was so she would take sides when, inevitably, someone lost the game of chicken and they broke up.

Twilight swallowed hard. “What happened like this?”

Without answering, Rarity fished a jewelry box out of one of the bags. The small velvet box was purple and had the letter R engraved on the top in elegant silver calligraphy.

Twilight’s eyes widened like saucers.

Oh my gosh, was Rarity proposing?!

No.

That was stupid, first and foremost because they were still teenagers and child marriages were illegal, but also because just no.

But… breakup rings didn’t exist… right?

She watched with apprehension as Rarity opened the jewelry box, revealing inside a small silver necklace with a red heart-shaped pendant, the infinity symbol engraved in its middle.

“This is a soulmate necklace,” Rarity explained carefully. “It’s custom-made and meant to represent the infinite bond between couples.” She paused. “This one is mine.”

Twilight blinked. “…You’re breaking up with Rainbow Dash to be with yourself?” she asked, with as much severity as one could have despite Rainbow Dash practically suddenly choking with laughter.

Rarity stared at Twilight.

“…Darling. No.”

“Holy shit,” Rainbow said, giggling affectionately. Once she’d calmed down enough, she grabbed Twilight’s hand, and if Twilight didn’t know better, which she did, she might have thought Rainbow sighed almost dreamily before turning to Rarity. “See! Remember what I said about the three of us and the one braince—”

“This one is mine,” Rarity interrupted, referring to the purple box. She then fished another jewelry box from the bag and placed it on the table. This one was blue rather than purple and had an elegant engraving of the initials RD. “And this one—” She opened it and another identical pendant. “Is Rainbow Dash’s.”

Twilight Sparkle was very confused. And relieved. Plainly put, she felt very conflicted by the conflicting emotions this conflicting situation had put her in.

“…So you’re not breaking up,” she confirmed carefully.

“Twilight, why on earth do you think we’re breaking up?” Rarity asked, startled.

The time had come. Immediately, Twilight Sparkle retrieved her notebook and opened it up to the page she’d earlier been writing on.

“Because you’ve invited me to literally every single date you’ve had in the past two months, so clearly you’re having relationship issues and need me to mediate! Right?” When her two friends remained deadly silent, Twilight’s confidence wavered. “…Right?”

Rainbow turned to Rarity, for the first time visibly upset as she whispered, “I told you this was dumb. I told you! I told you we should have just asked from the start!”

Now it was Rarity who was upset, whispering back: “What?! I was just trying to take it slow! This is delicate, and—!”

“Girls!” Twilight exclaimed, snapping Rarity and Rainbow Dash back. “What is going on?!”

Another moment of silence before Rarity cleared her throat and spoke.

“Twilight. Darling, dearest. Without overthinking it, which you always do and I suspect is why we are having this dilemma right now, what could be a positive reason why Rainbow Dash and I have been inviting you to every romantic date we’ve been on?”

Twilight stared at them, her mind reeling. Hm. Hmhm. Hmhmhm.

“Well,” she said, feeling her cheeks grow hot as both girls leaned in. Oh, God.

“Well?” Rainbow Dash pressed.

Twilight Sparkle cleared her throat in a dignified way, considering her growing embarrassment at having to ask: “Is there a third jewelry box in the bag?”

Fluttering her eyelashes, Rarity rested on her chin on her hand. “Twilight Sparkle, darling, dearest, sweetheart,” she said. “What do you think?”

Spring cleaning was always a very eventful week in the Rarity-Twilight-Rainbow household, a two-bedroom apartment that somehow fit the entire paraphernalia of three very different twenty-something-year-olds.

Twilight Sparkle stood under the frame of their bedroom door, arms crossed and tapping her foot on the floor as she did every year.

“Rainbow.”

Rainbow Dash, sprawled over their king-sized bed and still wearing her high school coach uniform, barely looked up from her phone.

“Yeah?”

“If you don’t get up from the bed and help, I swear I’m making you sleep on the couch for a week.”

Rainbow Dash rolled away from her. “Twi, the more times you don’t follow through on a threat, the less it works, y’know?”

“I mean it this time!”

After forcing out the loudest groan she could, Rainbow Dash sat cross-legged on the bed and looked at her girlfriend. “Twi. You literally always ask me to help, and then when I do and I put stuff away or do, like, literally anything, you always end up re-arranging everything I do! Literally every time!”

“That is not true!” she protested, and when Rainbow Dash arched an eyebrow in reply, she stammered and added: “Okay, but this time I won’t!”

“I did it!” Rarity’s thrilled voice came from somewhere else in the apartment. “I found the perfect place for the blue air fryer!”

Twilight rubbed her forehead, sighing. “Here we go again.”

“Rares, just throw it away!” Rainbow called out, lying back down on the bed and resuming her scrolling. “It’s time!”

“Absolutely not!” Rarity screeched back, indignant. “It was the first thing we bought for this place!”

Twilight turned toward her general direction. “Five years ago! It doesn’t even work anymore, Rarity! And we need that space for a new one!”

“But it’s our baby!”

“Time to cut the cord, then, babe!” Rainbow called out as Twilight found herself unable not to laugh at Rarity’s strangled whining.

“Fine!” Rarity huffed, stomping loudly enough toward the garbage that Rainbow and Twilight could hear it. “I suppose I’ll just dump our memories away in the trash like some—”

There was a pause followed by an unearthly banshee scream which was itself followed by even louder, hurried stomping as Rarity barged into the room, aghast.

“Why, may I ask,” she screeched, holding something in her hands, “was this in the trash bin?!”

Brandished high for all to see was a single lavender jewelry box, the letters TS inscribed in fading calligraphy.

Twilight blanched. “Oh.”

Rainbow sat up, squinting. “What is—Wait, is that from our necklaces? Why was that in the trash? I didn’t put it there! I’ve literally done nothing this entire time.”

Rarity swiveled to Twilight, her eyes narrowed to slits. “Twilight?”

Twilight looked at her. Then at the box. Then at her.

“I never take the necklace off,” she said diplomatically. “There’s no point in keeping the box.”

“It’s special, Twilight!” Rarity protested, holding the box against her chest like it was some sort of precious object, which it wasn’t.

“It’s a box.”

“A special box! And it doesn’t even take up space! What’s the point of throwing it away?!”

Annoyed both at Rarity and her reddening cheeks, Twilight huffed, “It’s embarrassing to look at, okay? I don’t want to be reminded of… of…”

“Of what, Twi?” Rainbow asked, affectionate in her bullying and her bullying grin and— “Of how you were so dense you thought the reason we were bringing you on our LITERAL dates was that we wanted to break up? For some reason?”

Immediately, Rarity’s disposition changed from upset to endeared. “But, darling! You shouldn’t be embarrassed about that! You were so precious!”

“Okay then,” Twilight said, progressively redder by the second as she marched out of the room, “I’m going to keep cleaning and pretend this didn’t happen.”

“Love you, nerd!” Rainbow called out.

“Yeah, yea—Rarity! Are you serious?!”

“What?” Rarity called back innocently, peering out the bedroom.

“Did you really just hide the air fryer behind the couch?!”

“Rarity,” Rainbow said. “Rares. My dude.”

“IT’S OUR BABY! OUR BABY!”

Author's Note

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