Luna Finds A Squeaky Toy

by Drunk Luna

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Flurry Heart, Princess Luna, Princess Cadance, Comedy, Random
Length: 1007

Luna teaches Flurry Heart the meaning of life using unconventional means.

At Cadance’s foal shower, Luna discovers a squeaky toy that Celestia chose for their unborn great-niece. Craziness ensues.

Published 2023-03-09 19:20:00 UTC
Last updated 2023-03-09 19:20:00 UTC

Luna Finds A Squeaky Toy

Princess Cadance’s foal shower was in full swing. In one of the drawing rooms of the Crystal Empire’s castle, a small herd of mares sipped tea, chatted, and munched on hors d’oeuvres. On four pink thrones, a very pregnant Cadance sat next to her sister-in-law, Princess Twilight Sparkle, and her adoptive aunts, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna.

“All right, everypony,” Twilight announced, “it’s time for Cadance to open her gifts, so please take your seats!” The guests sat down at the round, pink tables in the spacious room, and Cadance reached for her first gift, an adorable yellow onesie with pink butterflies all over it. Fluttershy smiled demurely at Cadance as the pink alicorn thanked her.

Suddenly, as one of Cadance’s friends moved a small gift bag towards her, she accidentally stepped on a pink bag, and whatever was in the bag emitted a loud squeak. Luna’s head jolted upward, her eyes widened, and her delicate ears pricked in the direction of the sound. Celestia shifted nervously in her seat, but she maintained her composure while still watching her sister out of the corner of her eye.

Luna’s gaze was still fixed on the pale pink gift bag; it was almost as if she was a lion, and the bag was a gazelle. When Cadance finally removed the tissue paper from the bag, she revealed a small gray rubber shark with four legs like a pony's. Giggling, Cadance gave the weird-looking creature a squeeze, causing it to squeak again. Luna’s eye twitched. She had never felt so desperate to investigate anything before; this phenomenon astonished her. A toy that made a squeaking noise when squeezed? Such an ingenious invention had been unimaginable a thousand years earlier. Cadance thanked Celestia profusely for the toy, then put it aside

As Cadance moved on to her next gift, Luna crouched and slunk closer to the shark-pony hybrid, which was now perched on the mahogany coffee table, its soft, squeaky goodness just beyond her grasp.

“Luna?” Startled by the sudden voice, Luna jumped, hitting her head on the sharp corner of the rectangular coffee table. As she looked over her shoulder, she noticed her sister eyeing the cupcakes on the table behind the couch.

“Luna,” Twilight repeated, “uhh, Cadance is about to open your gift.”

“Ah, We certainly do not wish to miss that,” Luna quipped, chuckling lightly and standing up so that she could smile at Cadance as the younger princess opened the gift bag, which contained a navy blue diaper bag decorated with the moon and stars.

“Dost thou approve of thy gift?” Luna asked, cocking her head slightly.

“It’s adorable, Luna. Thank you so much!” Cadance said with a genuine smile. Luna returned the smile, sitting still until everypony focused on Cadance’s next gift. Now was her chance. The princess of the night leaned forward and charged her horn, levitating the toy so quickly that none of the other attendees noticed. She hastily excused herself to the powder room, closing the door to the drawing room behind her as she slipped out into the hallway. Luna knew she had to investigate this thing further; what if it was a security threat? She glanced into the toy's glassy eyes, searching for any indication of a hidden camera. What if somepony had attempted to use this plaything for foals as a means to infiltrate the castle? Worse, what if it was actually a bomb or a grenade? Anxiety sent a chill up Luna's spine, making her withers twitch. She threw the toy up into the air and hit it with an explosives detection spell, which instantly came back negative. This did little to diminish Luna's anxiety. She began to wonder if the small toy had been covered in poison or produced with harmful chemicals. Luna levitated the toy again, holding it before her so that she could read the tiny words on the bottom: MADE IN CHINA. The blue alicorn gasped in horror and chucked the shark into a detoxification chamber, where all potentially hazardous substances were removed from it. Then, Luna slowly squeezed the toy again, grinning at the squeaking sound of produced. She began to wonder if she could change the sound; after all, such a high-pitched squeak could become quite annoying if heard often. Cadance will be most grateful if We change this peculiar noise to something more pleasant, Luna thought. Maybe the toy could laugh, or even talk if Luna could find the right spell. The possibilities were endless.

Luna created a small purple bubble that surrounded only herself and the toy. She magically disguised her voice, then recorded a message that the shark would say every time it was squeezed. Then, she covered the toy with a spell that made it completely indestructible. Finally, Luna cast a spell that made it impossible for anypony but herself to alter the message. The shark had no settings and was not battery operated, so Cadance and Shining Armor would be forced to hear the shark’s short proclamation over and over again. It would haunt their dreams. It would no doubt become a popular topic of conversation at family dinners for millennia to come. These five little words would definitely alter the history of Equestria. Even the citizens of the Crystal Empire would be forced to repeat the sacred words of the squeaky toy, the truest words ever uttered.

About fourteen months later, Flurry Heart waved her front hooves and began to babble. Smiling, Cadance gave a nearby shark toy to the small filly to keep her entertained for a while. Flurry giggled excitedly, grabbing the toy and instantly starting to chew on it. Somehow, she managed to squeeze the toy, which uttered five words. Cadance blinked, wondering if she had heard the toy correctly. Before Cadance could react, Flurry stood up and said her first words—her attempt at the words so confidently stated by the toy that had been her favorite since the day she was born:

“Auntie Woona is best pwincess!”