Chill and Quandales Quest for the One Piece
King Sombra sat upon his throne in the darkest corner of the Equestria, Ponehio. In front of him was a legion of undead soldiers, ready to set off to go find a mystical treasure. The One Piece.
“Men,” King Sombra spoke, “The One Piece is real.”
“Could we get much higher?” They all raised their fist to the ceiling.
“So high,” Sombra’s eyes darkened as he stood from his throne. “With the One Piece in my possession, I will be unstoppable, I will FINALLY last more than two episodes per season!”
They all cheered, And thus, they set off.
In Florida, a house overlooked the sea and a certain Polish man was running towards the house with bloodshot eyes as if he was snorting smarties all his life. The man did a running drop kick at the door, and was unable to bust it down sexual style. Quandale hit the ground and rolled to his feet and he began to furiously knock on the door of the one and only The Chill Author, “CHILL! CHILL! CHILL! WAKE UP!”
“No.” Chill grumbled back.
Quandale searched for ways to get in the house, patting the door down before he started to slam his body into it repeatedly, grunting. The door looked like it was about to break before he inhaled and yelled out “THE ONE PIECE IS REAL!”
As Quandale was about to ram the door again with his body, Chill opened the door before he could and he halted his door abuse. “Of course it’s real, they made an anime about it. Why would they make a whole ass anime on something that doesn’t exist? Like fruit baskets or something like that,” Chill stepped out of his house and rolled his shoulders, “Was that all, man? Group masturbation starts in an hour.”
“I know it starts in an hour but, I think that I have found the location of the One Piece.”
Chill’s eyes bugged out of his skull, “You found Laughtale? Shiyeet, man, we could prolly find the One Piece in forty minutes.” He checked his watch and nodded, “Yeah, we got time, all we need is a shi-”
From the sky, a ship crashed onto Chill’s house and fucking exploded but the ship was still intact though.
“God fucking damn it,” Chill dug in the debris and took out a sword, “Alright, let’s do this shit.” With an epic flip, he landed on the ship.
Whipping out his tactical combat spoon, Quandale followed him onto the smoldering wreckage of the still intact ship. On the ship they had Chef Gordon Ramsey, “Hello, you fucking donkeys, I’m going to be the helmsman and serve you some actual good food, unlike the food that your mothers make.”
Chill turned to Quandale, then to Gordon, then to Quandale again. “...Uh… What do you wanna do? Should we just let him pilot the ship?”
Quandale shrugged, “I don’t know, but I’mma trust him, he’s Gordon Ramsey.”
“Fair enough.” Chill muttered.
Gordon inhaled and shouted, “ALL ABOARD, THE A.S.S; THE AWESOME SUPER SHIP!” Despite being a pirate ship, it somehow blew a loud ass horn. and they started to head off for their maiden voyage into the deepest and darkest corners of the void past Brazil, past Fire Hearth’s Server, and past Ponehio. They were going to Laughtale.
As they sailed on the clouds, Chill was sharpening his blade. “Y’know, Quandale, we might have to fight someone very strong. The One Piece is a powerful treasure, and many people are after it.”
While Quandale was buttering up his Tactical Combat Spoon he said “What do we do after we find the One Piece?”
“Well… We could use the One Piece to overthrow Fire Hearth,” Chill suggested.
“Fire Hearth? You mean the almighty funny voice man who runs Fire Hearth Studios, Fire Hearth?
“Yeah, that guy, I’m pretty sure we could jump him together. Or I could fight him one on one.” He then turns to the Readers, “I’m looking at you, Fire Hearth.”
“If you two are done fucking off, we’re here. But…” As the Dynamic Dumbasses look over the railings of the ship, they saw that the island was set aflame with dark fire. “...I don’t think we’re the first ones here.”
Chill looked at Quandale, “We need to get down there, fast!”
Quandale whipped out a Sentry turret from Portal straight outta his Inventory and strapped it to his back.
“Well, I am not taking you down there. So, pack your bags and FUCK OFF!” Gordon screamed before he slammed his boot into the Dynamic Dumbasses, sending them off the airborne ship and onto the hellscape of an island below.
As they crash-landed, Chill fell down first and Quandale fell on top of him. The two groaned in pain as they rolled off each other and stood on their feet, they dusted themselves off and looked at the hellscape. They saw legions of knights marching onto the island, pulling boulders and trees out of the ground, searching for something.
“They’re still searching, meaning they haven’t found the One Piece yet,” Chill looked at Quandale, “We still have a chance.”
“And that chance we will take. Prepare for perpetual agony,” warned Quandale.
The knights sharply turned to face the duo, and a pregnant pause filled the empty air. Chill awkwardly took out his sword, before the knights took aim. Their horns lit up and fired bolts of magic, Chill began to slice the bolts of magic in two with his sword. Quandale deployed the sentry turret he was carrying and drew his tactical combat spoon, then he charged towards the hostiles and attacked them with fury and skill, it was a truly majestic sight just like Nikocado Avocado in a Mcdonald's.
Chill and Quandale fought furiously against the knights. Chill crossed blades with one knight and struggled to overpower them, that was when Quandale came in and RKO’d their bitch ass. One by one, they dispatched the guards and sat down, tired.
“That… Was a lot…” Chill wheezed.
“Yes there were lots of em but luckily we managed,” Quandale rasped.
Suddenly, from above something crash-landed in front of them and made a large crater. Curious, the duo walked up to the crater and saw King Sombra standing on his hooves, unbothered. Slowly, Sombra glared at the Dynamic Dumbasses, his red eyes pierced their souls. Chill took a step back.
“No one fucking told me we were dealing with Sombra!” Chill whispered to Quandale.
“That motherfucker belongs to the shadow realm!” snarled Quandale
With a flash, Sombra teleported in front of Quandale and bucked him with his forelegs, forcing him back. Spinning mid-air, he bucked Chill too, and sent him spiraling across the charred soil.
“So you were the other ones who came to this island as well, I thought it would be Twilight and her friends.” He sighed and shook his head, “Turns out it was a bunch of no-ponies.”
“Who the fuck are those motherfuckers that you speak of?” questioned Quandale
Sombra turned to Chill, appalled, who just shrugged. “Don’t mind him for he… Yeah, he’s just dumb.”
“So it would seem,” Sombra mused, “Those motherbuckers that I speak of are you two, idiot.”
“Damn, y’know me personally, I wouldn’t let anyone talk to me like that.” Chill turned to Quandale with a grin.
“Oh if this motherfuckers says one more thing I'm gonna release Princess on his ass!” threatened Quandale
Sombra glared down at Quandale, “One more thing,” he sprinted towards Quandale, and Chill went to intercept and swiped his sword at Sombra. Only to be blown back by Sombra’s fierce charge, lighting his horn ablaze, he fired off a blast at Quandale to incinerate him down to ashes.
Taking the distraction as an opportunity Quandale released Princess the unhealthy muscular pitbull
The pitbull was incinerated by the blast and was taken to the pound… In Heaven, because all dogs go to Heaven, including pitbulls.
“HOLY SHIT!” Chill exclaimed, “SHE DEAD!”
Sombra teleported in front of Chill and shoryuken’d him, sending him to the sky. Teleporting after him, the Unicorn appeared above Chill and kicked him like a football, sending him into Quandale with the words ‘GOAL!’ over them.
“Gah dayum,” Chill slowly went to his feet and helped Quandale up. “How are we gonna beat this guy?”
“We need to fight harder, stronger, we need to be more resilient than him!” said Quandale
“This isn’t even my final form, imbeciles, I could easily destroy you. You guys are simply entertaining to beat you into the dirt.” Sombra mused.
“Prove it.”
Sombra inhaled and began to charge up, a blood red aura surrounded him as the blackened soil began to rise and block the duo’s view of him. Unholy and demonic screeching echoed across of the barren island, sending shivers down their spines. Once it was finally over, Sombra was standing on two feet, for he had become…
“Anthro…” Chill blinked, “OH MY GOD HE’S A FURRY!”
“I'LL GET THE FLAMETHROWER WE NEED TO BURN IT AND WE NEED TO DO IT QUICK!” screamed Quandale
Sombra made a mad dash to Quandale and performed a flying knee to his nose. As Quandale was about to fall down, the King seized the Polish-Chad’s leg and began to use him as a weapon. Sombra slammed Quandale’s body into Chill repeatedly, battering both of the bastards.
With a mighty magical blast from Sombra, Chill and Quandale’s drip were all ripped and torn like they were in a Dragon Ball Z fight.
“Quandale… We need to do the Fusion Dance…” Chill grumbled, “It’s our only hope, man.”
“LET'S DO IT THEN!” scree’d Quandale
Sombra overhead this and smirked, “You have a way to beat me? Go ahead, try then.”
Chill and Quandale went to their feet, “How tall are you, Quandale?”
“6’3” replied Quandale
Chill slowly rubbed his chin, “Well… M-my height went to something else, 5’10, but I think we can still do it. LET’S GO!”
The two distanced themselves from another, “FU!” They tiptoed close, “SION!” They touched finger tips, “HA!” the two Gigachads clashed with one another and mixed like milk and chocolate. A huge lightshow spreaded across the whole island and nearly blinded Sombra.
A man emerged from the light, 6’9 and mixed with black and white. One eye was brown the other eye was blue, they wore and open vest jacket that showed their ripped abs. They wore martial arts pants and their shoes were black air forces. They had a brown and black afro, they were every woman’s wet dream, they were-
“I am neither Chill nor Quandale, we are Chale!” Chale introduced themselves, grinning wide like a shounen character. A tumbleweed flew by and Sombra was wide eyed.
“What… Is this?” Sombra quivered, he felt the magical pressure of Chale and it far surpassed- Nay, dwarfed all of the princesses combined. “What are you?!”
“What are we?” Chale smirked, “We are the one who tricks when you treat, we are the ones who knocks, WE ARE THE VOCAL CHAMPIONS! ALLY TO BASED, NIGHTMARE TO CRINGE!” Before Sombra had a chance to blink, Chale appeared before him and buried their fist into his gut. Sombra spewed out a glob of spit, Chale twirled like a ballerina and spin kicked Sombra across his face. Making him skip like a rock and crash into the distant mountains on the island.
Before Chale tried to pursue, but then a loud scream echoed across the lands. Sombra flew up to the skies despite being a Unicorn, “I’M GONNA KILL YOU! I’M GONNA KIL YOUUUUU!!!!! FUCK THIS ENTIRE PLANET, YOU CAN ALL DIEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Sombra charged a red beam from his horn.
“WE GO BY THEY/THEM PRONOUNS!” Chale cupped their hands and began to charge a blast. “ATOMIZER…!!!”
“DIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Sombra fired off his beam.
“...NEBULAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Chale fired off their blast and the two beams clashed, shaking the whole planet with their combined might. They were all yelling at each other as they pushed each other.
“THERE’S NO USE, YOU MIGHT AS WELL SAY GOODBYE TO THIS PLANET!” Sombra yelled.
Chale grunted as they pushed back, “Kaioken…”
Sombra paused, “No…”
“Times…!”
“No, no, no…”
“FOOUUUUURRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!” Chale pushed hard and their blast grew to the size of a blue star, Sombra couldn’t compete and was obliterated.
“FUUUUUUUUUUUU-” Sombra managed to get out before he was completely atomized. Chale stood before the scorched island and looked around, seeing nothing.
“Heh, though he was searching for the One Piece, he himself couldn’t stay in one piece. How ironic,” Chale scoffed before they defused, leaving a beat up Chill and Quandale. The two looked at each other for a while.
“Do you wanna just go home and play Smash Brothers?” Chill asked.
“What about the One Piece?” questioned Quandale
“I think… I think the One Piece is a treasure that is supposed to give you adventures. And considering we did this in an hour, I think it takes away from the journey. One day, we should come back to this and do an adventure, from start to finish.” Chill said.
“Agreed” replied Quandale
“Also, GROUP MASTERBATION!” Chill screeched.
“I don’t know man that battle got me hella tired” said Quandale
“Quandale, it’s only for ten seconds,” Chill replied.
In the end, they didn’t find the One Piece.
Because, the One Piece is more than a treasure.
It’s a journey.
A journey to embark with friends.
And one day, they’ll begin that journey.
From start to finish.
The end.