Chapters “You know how ponies say when you reach a certain age, you start to stagnate?” I asked Silver Spoon. “I think I get that now. I’ve stagnated.”
“What do you mean?” the gray mare asked, raising an eyebrow. We were both lying on the floor in an apartment her father had gotten her recently for her birthday. It seemed like fourteen really was what constituted adulthood here, and it made sense. She looked a lot closer to an adult than a filly now. I was just the same as her despite being two years younger, my own body looking closer to an adult’s than a child’s in my estimation.
“I mean that I left Earth when I was like twenty five– no, I was a few weeks away from there, so twenty four– and I haven’t really developed much since then.” Sure, I’d changed. There was no way that wasn’t going to happen after being in Equestria as a filly-turned-almost-mare for so long. But while most people grew and changed over the years, spending the last decade in Earth time in Equestria as a little kid didn’t really offer much room to change, outside of a couple of things.
“Like, I’m pretty sure I’m supposed to be over thirty five by now. Maybe I’m even pushing on forty. But I still feel like I’m twenty four. Is that weird?”
“Uh, yeah Asher,” she laughed. “It’s really weird, especially since you’re not even thirteen yet.”
“Yeah, not yet. Only about four hundred more days.” I let out a breath, then asked, “Do you think they’d let me move to Canterlot? Or do I have to stay in Ponyville until I’m fourteen?”
“I don’t think Twilight Sparkle or Mrs. Holiday or Lofty would care, but I’m betting they’ll just have you go out to Canterlot every so often. Heck, even when you’re fourteen, I don’t think they’ll care if you stay in Ponyville, since it’s not an every day thing you’d have to meet with ponies.”
“That’s good, I think, since everypony I know lives out here. Well, all my friends anyway.”
The friends that were the same five ponies I’d had since… well, since I showed up in Ponyville originally. Although to me, it seemed like Scootaloo, Applebloom, and Sweetie Belle hadn’t grown a day, despite being around as old as I was. Silver Spoon, Diamond Tiara and I were turning into mares, and yet they still looked like they were little fillies. I asked Twilight Sparkle about it before, and she told me that until you got your cutie mark, your body wouldn’t grow, describing getting the thing as the start of puberty. That meant until they got it, they would look like little kids.
Hurray for me. I got to be a mare and deal with all that came with that because I had a cutie mark.
But heat didn’t start until spring, thankfully, and we were still a few weeks away from winter. If I didn’t have to think about that right now, I wouldn’t. Not that I wasn’t beyond used to being a mare by now. I’d mostly resigned myself to my fate and almost completely given up on trying to say I was a stallion. My friends understood, but outside of them and a couple of others, I didn’t even bother. After a few years, it became just another thing to deal with. How long had it been so far? At least ten years. I might as well have been a grown woman… err, a half grown filly.
“Or, um, you could stay in my apartment with me, too, if you wanted to,” she offered, sounding a little bit shy as she turned her head to me. “Or I could get an apartment in Canterlot, too. I mean, since you can’t get one yourself yet.”
“It’s fine,” I told her. “I think I’ll just stay in Ponyville. Everypony’s already here anyway, so why leave?”
That, and I wanted to avoid her subtle attempts at trying to get involved with me. In ten Earth years, her romantic feelings hadn’t changed, and neither had mine. I didn’t like women before, and I certainly didn’t like mares now. Who knew?
“Well, if you ever wanted, I’m sure my dad could get you an apartment like he got for me,” she said as she turned back around. “I can’t believe that I’m actually an adult now though. I have an apartment and everything.”
“Yup, that’s how being an adult is. Everyone tells you that being a kid is the best, but once you’re an adult, you realize it’s all a lie. Being grown up is the best since you can do whatever you want.” Doubly so if you had four or five times a normal human lifetime. What did anyone even do once they got past thirty in Equestria?
“Speaking of being a grown up though,” Silver Spoon started, “if I don’t work as a jeweler, I think I wanna be a teacher. Or a professor! I could probably teach ponies about different kinds of minerals, since I know all about them. And you could teach foals about business once you got bored of politics. Or be a professor somewhere, too.”
“Your first mistake was assuming I like kids,” I smiled. “Besides, I’m not very keen on being called ‘Miss Ashley’ every single day.”
“That’s why they’d call you ‘Mister Ashley’, dummy,” she laughed back. “Seriously though, I think it’d be pretty cool, and you’d do a good job.”
“Eh, I’d rather actually be a business owner, although I guess teaching ponies wouldn’t be that bad. Or maybe Princess Celestia will come down from Canterlot and turn me into the new princess of Equestria or something and I’ll completely change the face of the world and live happily ever after.”
“Or even better– she’ll turn you into a stallion.”
“Nah, that would be too easy, wouldn’t it? Can’t have everything I want, otherwise, I’d be a Mary Sue… although I guess that assumes I wanna be a prince when I don’t. I certainly don’t wanna be a princess.”
“You're the one trying to get into politics,” she smiled. “But it’s okay. We’ll make Sweetie Belle the princess since she’s the most filly-like out of all of us. Or, no, actually, it’ll be Diamond. She knows how to get ponies to do things. And you and I would be her advisors: you’d advise her how to govern, and I’d advise her on what to wear for the day.”
“Haha, maybe. That’d be pretty funny if that happened.” Then I stretched and yawned, telling her as I stood up, “I need to get back home though. The rest of the TDA and I have school tomorrow, and I did not do any studying for late Equestrian history. Or writing in Ponish.” Man, was I bad at writing in Ponish, even still. Thankfully everything else was fairly easy. Math was still math, and the universe still operated in roughly the same way as it did on Earth despite having magic in it and Celestia raising the sun. And despite turning me into a pony. But what could I do about those things?
“I’ll see you later,” I said. “Thanks for letting me stop by. Your apartment looks great.”
“Thanks for stopping by!” she waved. “We should have a sleepover this weekend with everypony! It’s kind of weird being all alone, so I’m gonna need help getting used to it.”
“Well, I’ll certainly be there,” I assured her with a wave of my own. “Bye, Silver.”
It was chilly outside, but thankfully I had a hoodie Rarity knitted for me on my birthday, basically the same as the one she first got me but larger and with a few more flowers on it. It was nearing winter, the leaves on the trees red and yellow and brown just like they would be on Earth. If I had to guess, this would be considered about November if they had actual structured months rather than seasons, and the scene looked and felt not much different than Delaware would during fall. Other than all the horses anyway, but it was still a scene I could still appreciate. Autumn might have been my favorite season, although any season was better than spring. Man, I hated spring.
Other than about half my classmates looking like they were in the middle of various stages of puberty, nothing really changed since I got here, not that I expected anything to change. Silver Spoon was the oldest by far, with Diamond Tiara right behind her, and everypony else being between eleven and thirteen years old. Apparently though there was more to being an adult than just turning fourteen. You also needed a cutie mark and to be a fully grown mare or stallion, not that you’d grow into the former without the latter. There must have been a mental component to having a cutie mark, too, because Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara acted more like adults than the rest of the Talent Discovery Association. It was extremely strange.
I certainly was changing, and more than just physically. I didn’t think I was mentally the same person I was when I was a human, or even who I was two years ago– Equestria years anyway. I think the main difference is that I found a serious lack of caring about things I used to. What was the point of trying to say that I was a stallion when I wasn’t? Or saying I was an adult when I was still twelve years old?
And God. I was lacking a significant amount of the faith I had before. Not that I thought he didn’t exist– I was literally turned into a horse. He definitely existed, unless I was having the longest schizophrenic episode of all time. But it felt like he just didn’t care. It was terrible thinking, but so what? That’s how it felt. These days it was hard to even muster up a prayer, it was frustrating to think about. And all I was gonna do was ask for what he could do for me, which wasn’t a healthy attitude to have. Better to just ignore it and focus on what I could do to change things. It was useless to try and change things I couldn’t.
That was the attitude I had with Princess Celestia, too. Staying all pent up and angry at her was difficult to do for ten years in a row, so why even try? It wasn’t even about trying to change things anymore and more to have something to do to not go crazy during the summer. Although maybe I could subtly make the world less sexist since mares weren’t known to open businesses. And change the fact that politics was almost entirely unicorns. I didn’t know if that constituted racism, but it seemed like it did, casually anyway.
I tried before to talk to Twilight Sparkle about it, but she did not get it. I didn’t bother now as I pulled up to the library, not daring to interrupt her excessive pacing as she read a letter that almost certainly from the high princess herself. I was fairly certain she met the clinical definition of OCD, and probably had an anxiety disorder on top of it.
I tried not to bite and ask what was up, but her muttering to herself about how bad whatever she was reading was finally got me to ask. Almost certainly though it was going to be something that she had multiple years to prepare for, or something so minor that it hardly mattered.
“It’s Princess Celestia! She wants me to awaken the dangerous draconequus, Discord, and show him how friendship works!”
I had no idea who or what the heck that was, and only blinked at her with a confused expression. I had no idea what the heck a ‘draconequus’ was, and could barely recall that Discord was a web app I was starting to get into using a few months before I turned into a pony. My dumb look got her to stop pacing around at least.
“Discord is the spirit of disharmony,” she started, her anxiety washing away as she rolled a hoof while talking to me, looking at me like it was a hassle to explain as she magicked a book down about Equestrian history for me to look into. Although she knew that even after so long, I was still awful at trying to make out Ponish. It wasn’t like learning French as an English speaker. It was like trying to learn Arabic or Mandarin as an English speaker. Thankfully, she didn’t expect me to open it up immediately, and continued to explain.
“He caused unrest and unhappiness throughout Equestria, and his reign resulted in mass famines and deaths because of his power! It was only until Princess Celestia and her sister rose up against him and used the Elements of Harmony that peace was finally able to come to the continent. And now she wants to release him from his stone prison so I can teach him the meaning of friendship!”
I still had no idea what all that meant, but I thought I was getting a better picture. “I don’t see how making friends with someone is a bad thing,” I said. I mean, I knew Celestia had… well, an interesting philosophy in terms of how she ran Equestria, but I wasn’t going to question her motives. I’d learned way better than to do that for as long as I’d been in Equestria. That would be inviting nothing but pain.
“Well, if you know a creature like Discord, you’d understand. He’s the God of Chaos, and might be even more powerful than Princess Celestia. You don’t want to underestimate him.”
I assumed she meant “god” in the same way ponies switched phrases like ‘Jesus’ and ‘God’ for the name ‘Celestia’, and wasn’t worried. I already knew creatures here could do things well beyond anything anyone on Earth could do, and assumed it to just mean the same thing as what Celestia already was. As unappealing as two Celestia’s was, I didn’t think I’d really care.
Oh, boy, I was wrong.
“Discord, I must confess to you, I have an issue,” Princess Celestia started as the draconequus sat in her bed chambers, drinking tea with her.
“Is it that those Elements didn’t bind to Twilight Sparkle and her friends?” he asked. “Because that seems like a slight issue if you’re looking for the pony to rule Equestria eventually. I don’t think there’s any magic I can use to work around that little detail. If they do not bind, they simply do not.”
“That’s part of it, but the other part is a little filly named Asher, who I’m sure you know all about. She claims her God delivered her to Equestria, and I was wondering if there was any way you could send her back to her place of origin.”
“Oh, I do know quite a bit about her, simply because she’s so interesting. Although no, I do not believe I would be able to do so. Even if I could, I would not.”
The white alicorn raised an eyebrow. “Why not?”
The lord of chaos chuckled. “Because I don’t want the wrath of a being more powerful than me to rain down. I might mess around, but even I am not that much a fool.”
Now Celestia scowled. “Are you suggesting her god exists?”
“Not in the way she describes, but yes. In a sort of metaphysical sense, anyway. Just as I am Discord and the Elements are Harmony, there exists a being called Order, which I believe Asher refers to. There is also Dissonance, Symmetry, and Irregularity, but don’t ask about them. There’s so much drama within our little group, like you wouldn’t believe. Sometimes I wonder if Irregularity is out to steal my job, honestly. The nerve!”
“Yes, I know of those things,” Celestia interrupted. “I understand the properties of the universe and the six Features that rule over it, and the other worlds that exist out of our own that they lord over, too. However, I struggle to believe that Order would have done this because Asher is inherently disorderly. Nor would Harmony, and I cannot begin to see how Symmetry would be involved.”
“Well, it certainly wasn’t I, and Irregularity and Dissonance are much more abstract in what they do. You are right though, I cannot see Harmony bringing this about, although it might have been Symmetry. If the filly is directly opposed to you, that would make things symmetrical again. Not very symmetrical if you rule for thousands of years on end and Order simply allows it to happen, is it?”
“I don’t believe any Feature was involved in this,” she asserted. “I believe it was a Worldgate, which is why she fits into this world seamlessly. Her age is the same as it would be on Earth, for example. As well, as far as I know, neither Order nor Symmetry nor any other Feature is known to make such small scale effects on creatures. I believe this was a random event.”
“Hmmm, I suppose it’s possible, although if it is, that’s all the more reason for me to not interfere, is it not? Random disorder is quite my cup of tea, I must say,” he told her as he sipped tea. “Pity though that I can’t ask directly. All the other Features are much too uptight to take on physical forms. I say, what’s the point of being an immortal being and a construct of the physical universe if you never talk to creatures? Good thing we’re not like that, right, Celly?”
“I’ve seen Harmony speak directly to creatures once or twice before, casting a projection of myself to do this, but in any case, I am not a deity,” she said flatly, getting a little smirk and a raised eyebrow from Discord. “I am not,” she repeated.
“You’re certainly a Feature– at least of this universe anyway. You raise the sun and bestow immortality on whoever you please. If that’s not godhood, I’m not sure what is. Although I guess you’re not a Feature if you can get flustered so easily by a little filly. But you certainly have the ability to impose your will on whatever creature you wish that resides in Equestria. Hmmm, I wonder. If Asher's god exists, would has the same ability on Earth? That would be something!”
“If I were a deity, no less, a Feature, I certainly wouldn’t entertain the filly being here. I would send her back to where she came with little hesitation.”
“Perhaps. Although perhaps that’s your issue. Trying to strictly manage the universe, even just the one Equestria resides in, is an impossible task. You need to learn to roll with the punches, as they say. You’re going to wear yourself out in another hundred years if you stay on the same path you’ve always been on. Or perhaps you already are, since you want to retire.”
“I am not a deity,” she told him one final time. “Regardless, if you’re not planning on doing anything about Asher, it’s a pointless conversation to continue. Right now, I simply want you to help Twilight learn about making friends through making friends with you.”
“I would ask what happened to stealing the Elements, but my chaotic little friend seemed to interrupt that process, which makes me believe that it’s Symmetry or Order’s doing that she’s here. But I will bring it up no further, since you are the goddess of this world.”
“I am not–”
“If you say so, Celly. I shall be off now! That pink mare in Ponyville seems like she’ll quite enjoy my antics! Ta-ta!”
He vanished with the snap of his fingers, leaving the princess to ponder what she’d been told. She wasn’t truly a deity, was she? She didn’t believe so. Sure, she was an alicorn, and sure, she managed Equus as its ruler and raised the sun, but still. She certainly wasn’t a Feature, otherwise things would be quite different right now. And even then, Features themselves weren’t deity’s either, not the way she knew or the way Asher described. They just were whatever they were and served to hold the universe together. Discord was probably the closest she knew to being an actual deity, but even he–
“What does it matter anyway?” she thought. Why things were the way they were was pointless to consider. She only cared that things were how they were now. No other world could possibly care for a moment about the operations of Equestria, nor did Equestria care about them, except her and Starswirl’s minor curiosity. She truly only cared that her world was running to her liking.
No, not her world. That Equestria was running the way it should run, not necessarily according to her desires. Although they did seem to line up. And she did call them her little ponies, but that was just a term of endearment. And sure, she was the only alicorn to be known to exist until she made her sister into an alicorn, too. And perhaps she might have–
“Don’t make me question myself, Discord!” she said to no one, then stomped off to grab a slice of cake. Discord was just doing Discordian things and stirring the pot. He was Discord, after all.
“Princess Celestia wants us to befriend somepony?” Lightning Dust asked skeptically. “What kind of mission is that? We went up against freaking Nightmare Moon before! I wanna see some action!”
“Despite her crassness, I have to admit, I was expecting something a bit more elegant and important,” Rarity agreed. “Did we not just save your brother’s wedding several moons ago? I don’t see how making a friend with some creature is a task for a group like ours.”
“This isn’t just any creature,” Twilight explained. “This is the Lord of Chaos, Discord! It took Princess Celestia and the Elements of Harmony to bring him down! Who knows what’s gonna happen when we meet him!”
“Okay, that sounds a little more awesome.”
“And once he’s our friend, we can throw him a ‘Welcome-To-Ponyville-Lord-Of-Chaos' party! Then he’d make a lot of friends, and Princess Celestia would be super duper extra happy!”
“Eeyup, and have some Apple Family apples while we’re havin’ that party.”
“If we’re supposed to make friends with him though, why did Princess Celestia need to use the Elements of Harmony on him then?” Lightning Dust asked. “Seems a little bit weird if you asked me.”
“He used to rule Equestria in a state of chaos,” the purple unicorn explained. “The land of Equestria was in misery while Discord ruled over it, so Princess Celsestia imprisoned him in stone for centuries. And now, apparently she wants to see if we can get him to use his power for good by making friends with him!”
“So we have to make friends with some chaos demon who wanted to rule Equestria and put it in a state of chaos a whole lot of years ago?” Lightning Dust asked. Then she shrugged, continuing, “Kind of weird, but I guess I can dig it. It seems kind of like there might be some cool action with that.”
“I hope he’s not scary,” Fluttershy said timidly. “A creature who Princess Celestia is worried about sounds like they might be mean, or angry for being imprisoned for so long.”
“Well, it’s what Princess Celestia wants us to do, so as scary as it is, we do have to try our best. And besides! We do have each other, so if anything goes wrong, we’ll have each other’s backs, right?”
“Yeah, and we can always show whoever this pony is who’s boss if he tries to mess with us or doesn’t wanna learn about friendship!”
“Or throw him a party! No one can say no to being friends after a good ol’ fashioned Pinkie Pie party!”
“Well, whatever happens, I’m sure that as long as we have each other, nothing can go wrong. Now let’s do this! Princess Celestia sent his statue over here to Ponyville by train, and she’s trusting us to get on this as quickly as possible, so let’s get going!”
“Wait, right now , darling?” Rarity asked. “As much as I’d like to help some evil chaos creature learn about friendship, it’s getting to be late in the day, and I must get to work on a few products I have in store before I head off to bed.”
“And Ah hafta get back ta the farm to feed them animals, er else AJ and Granny are gonna ring mah neck in.”
“Huh. Well, I guess there’s no reason why we can’t start tomorrow , but what are we supposed to do with his statue in the meantime? Princess Celestia sent me a letter a little while ago saying it was waiting for us at the train station.”
“It can stay with you at your library for the night, can it not? I’m sure it’ll be safe there in your care. And then we can get to work on the task Princess Celestia has for us in the morning. As long as he's imprisoned in stone as the princess says, there should be no issue with waiting a little while.”
“I guess that’ll work. And what harm is one night gonna do anyway? Rest is essential for any important task, after all.” Then Twilight turned and said, “I guess I need to head to the train station to bring that over to my house then. I’ll see you all in the morning.”
“Uhh… what in the world am I looking at, Twilight?” I asked as I took in a tall, chaotic looking statue of a creature standing in the middle of the pony’s library. I had to assume this was that creature she was talking about before, but I wasn’t expecting something so… strange looking. Nothing I’d seen in Equestria up to this point came close to this.
“This isn’t– is this that God-thing-whatever you were talking about before?” I asked. “Cause this looks like… I don’t know what it looks like.”
It was a weird looking creature, kind of like a snake, but with a whole bunch of extra and confused body parts attached to it, like a paw on one limb and a claw on the other. It had scales and a feathered tail and weird eyes and just looked awful. Almost uncomfortable. Just seeing the statue made me slightly uncomfortable. It was unnerving.
“This is the draconequus, Discord, that I was telling you about before, Asher,” she explained. “Princess Celestia wants us to make friends with it, remember? Or, well, she wants me to make friends with it. And we were gonna do that today, but apparently my friends have things to do before bed, so we’ll do that in the morning. Because of that, I’m keeping his statue in the library until then.”
“Uh, okay?” I said, taking a step back from the statue. It was standing on a little podium, its mouth half open, like it was letting out a scream. If I remembered correctly from a few hours ago, apparently Celestia imprisoned this thing into stone for causing unrest in Equestria. And knowing the princess, I wouldn’t have been surprised if that was completely true, or if her version of ‘unrest’ was more loose and meant not doing exactly what she wanted.
“I was just gonna head up to my room for bed now,” I said, what felt like goosebumps forming underneath my fur. “So, uh, yeah. Uh, goodnight, Twilight.”
“Good night, Asher,” she told me. “I’m gonna stay awake with Spike and try and figure out what the best plan of attack is for making friends with this thing without having it hurt Equestria. Let me know if I’m being too loud.”
“Will do,” I confirmed before quickly heading up the stairs to my bedroom, wanting to get away from that thing. I didn’t know what that thing was or any of the history behind it or what Celestia wanted to do with it, but I wanted to have no part in it. It just had… something. I didn’t know what the feeling was that it gave me, but it wasn’t a good one, and I didn’t want to have any part of it. Honestly, I hadn’t ever felt so nervous about anything as I was now since I very first met Celestia.
But apparently it wanted a part of me, because it visited my dreams that night.
Whatever this creature was– Discord, Twilight called it– it was much more colorful in my dreams, and had just about the voice I was expecting a creature like this to have. One that was a mixture of lighthearted fun and evil sinisterness. I had no idea what to expect.
“Well, well, well, if it isn’t Ashley, the pony I've heard so much about,” he said as he floated around, his body moving at different angles, almost slithering through the air like a snake. “Princess Celestia has told me so much about you. I hear you’re trying to make a name for yourself while you screw around with her plans. How delightfully chaotic!”
Yeah. I wasn’t surprised at all he jumped right into that. I was still incredibly tense and nervous, but a little less so knowing that it was almost certain Celestia sent whoever this creature was to talk to me. It’d been a little while since she talked down to me, or had somepony else do it for her. Maybe she thought it would be best to keep me in line.
“I’m a twelve year old girl who hasn’t even done anything close to important yet,” I replied. “There’s not much I’ve been able to do in life so far up to this point, despite what you probably think.”
“Oh, but there is! You separated the Elements of Harmony from six crucial ponies, and almost certainly doomed Equestria! You don’t understand how unbelievably powerful those Elements are, and nopony having control over them means that the continent will surely fall, because of your interference in affairs!”
What? That wasn’t bait I was gonna be taking, and all the nervousness I had completely evaporated. It would’ve been more scary if this thing said something like, ‘on your current course you’re gonna be named ruler’ or something along those lines. I half expected that to come out of his mouth, because the thought of that terrified me. As much as I wanted to be a politician, I did not want to be the ruler of this place.
“If the pony who raises the sun can’t defeat whatever thing is gonna doom Equestria, and one girl can cause an entire continent to be doomed, then it was all sitting on a house of cards to begin with. Can you get out of my dreams now, please?”
He looked at me with a raised eyebrow. “Are you unconcerned by the news I’ve brought?” he asked. “You’ve released me , Discord, the Lord of Chaos, to be challenged unabated because of the lack of the Elements of Harmony being attached to Twilight Sparkle. Does this not concern you?”
“Um, no, I can’t say it does,” I answered honestly, no fear left anymore.
He apparently dropped whatever schtick he was going for and crossed his limbs, turning away from me with a peeved expression on his face. “Humph. Well, you’re no fun. For someone who’s as chaotic as you are, you’re quite boring.”
“Why are you in my dreams and talking to me?” I asked, wanting to get down to business. “Twilight told me she has some task about making friends with you that Princess Celestia gave her, but why are you talking to me in my dreams and not hers? Did Celestia tell you to scare me or something?”
“Oh no, I just came here to admire your chaotic nature!” Now he sounded less sinister and more like an annoying friend. “I will admit, I did perhaps tell a lie when I said Equestria was doomed, but you truly do manipulate events around you just by your presence, and I came to witness it firsthand! I must say, I am impressed with both you and whatever Feature it was that brought you here. They chose perfectly to make things just the nicest mix of interesting here in Equestria!”
That sounded more like bait I would nibble on, and couldn’t help myself against inquiring further. “What are you talking about? Me getting sick like 4 years ago? That wasn’t even something I set out to do.”
“Oh, I just mean your charisma, and the skill you have at manipulating ponies! It’s quite a remarkable talent you have, let me tell you! Second to none!”
I considered asking who I was manipulating before deciding it wasn’t worth the time getting into. That wasn’t even something I wanted to do outside of a couple of times when I very first got here, let alone actually did . What was this… creature that Celestia told Twilight to talk to, what was he trying to do?
“Why are you in my dreams?” I asked again, looking up at him with a little glare.
“As I said, I just wanted to meet you. I’m nothing but a fan, I assure you.” He said it with a large, almost creepy smile, continuing, “You’ve made such a name for yourself already, I wonder what you’re going to do next! You’re setting out to be a politician after all! A rising star, at that! Sure, you haven’t wielded your influence in a serious way yet, but once you do, I’ll be here to see it! Let me assure you! Fate chose well in bringing you into Equestria!”
This was once again getting a little bit unnerving. I had no idea what he was doing or where he was going with this, but I already didn’t like it. I didn’t reply though, only staring up at him silently and waiting for him to get to his point.
“My point is,” he said, probably able to read my mind, “I’m thankful for a little more entertainment being brought to Equestria in a pony like you. Sure, the Feature who brought you here might not be as well known or powerful as I am, but I do say, it made quite an excellent choice, a better one than I would’ve made. I approve!”
“What are you talking about? What in Equestria is a feature?”
“Oh, that’s just the word for the beings such as myself that rule the universe, both this one and the one Earth belongs to. I believe you use the term you use for beings like us is ‘god’?”
And there it was. That was what I was nervous about hearing. I didn’t ever stop believing in God, but my faith in him was teetering. Or maybe more accurately, waning. It was a slow but sure decline, to the point where I hardly prayed or even thought about God anymore. I guess I knew he was still there, but it was in the same way that I knew oxygen was in the air. Passively and not thought about every often anymore. Not good, I knew that, but that was just how it started turning out after so many years.
And now he was being brought up again by whoever the heck this thing was, some creature who was claiming to be more supernatural than Celestia was.
“There’s no way you’re God, is there?” I had to ask, a question I asked exactly once so far as a pony. “You can’t be. There’s no way you’re God. Why am I even asking the question?”
“Because you don’t know, do you?” he replied. “I might be, although I might not be. Certainly though, I’m not whatever god you worship. A creature of chaos like myself is much more powerful than whatever being you’re imagining that I am.”
Celestia was definitely doing something , but what, I didn’t know. But it did have me nervous though, as nervous now as I was when I very first met Celestia. Someone like whoever the heck this was running around felt uncomfortable to say the least. What was this being brought up right now ?
“I’m being messed with,” I said slowly, taking a breath and thinking it through. Celestia told Twilight to make friends with whoever this thing was, and he was apparently trapped in stone right now, even if he was in my dreams. Unless Celestia was more powerful than God…
“Unless God is less powerful than a princess who gets her plans interrupted by one single girl, you’re not God, and you’re not more powerful than him. That’s just… a ridiculous claim.”
But what was interesting was why the claim came right then . It was strange to hear, especially with how passive I’d been about faith lately. I was almost certain this was Celestia trying to get to me somehow, but why? What was the goal?
“If you say so,” the weird snake creature laughed. Then he suddenly stopped, and looked down at me asking, “I have an important question actually. This might seem out of the blue, but do you prefer being a mare to a stallion, or vice versa?”
“What? What does that matter?”
“It’s very important in determining–”
“Begone, vile beast!” an extremely familiar voice shouted, the image of that creature disappearing, being replaced by the blue coated Princess Luna. The mare lit up her horn and changed the dark scene disappear into the setting of a nice park in the sun. I smiled at the sight of her, and she looked down at me with a smug expression.
“Do not worry, Asher. We are always here to clear up your nightmares,” she told me. “These ones were quite powerful from how they echoed into our senses, but no more easy to bring down than any other. Huzzah!”
“Thanks, Luna,” I said gratefully. “I have no idea what the heck that was about.”
“Nor can I say that we know. It seemed you were dreaming of the draconequus, Discord, were you not? How has he entered your dreams?”
“I have no idea, except that there’s a weird statue in Twilight’s library and Princess Celestia told her to make friends with the thing, I guess? Do you know what’s going on with all that?”
“We haven’t the slightest idea, and haven’t heard of such a thing,” she said. “I only know that he was here in your dreams, and that he seeks to cause chaos wherever he goes. My sister and I have defeated him before with the Elements of Harmony and encased him in stone over a thousand years ago. You said Twilight is seeking to make friends with him?”
“Uh, that’s what she told me, under Celestia’s orders, I guess?” I replied. Luna had about as confused an expression on her face as I felt, and I continued, “Do you think you can– actually, never mind. I’ll send her a letter with what I want to say.”
A letter about what the heck was going on and why she was trying to convince me God didn’t exist for the first time since… I don’t know, probably since I met her. Seriously, what was up with that? I knew she was involved in that dream, at least a little bit. It wasn’t a coincidence. But what was her goal?
“If you need me to speak to my sister, I can on your behalf,” Luna told me. “Although we must ask: are you quite alright? You’re shaking and sweating as you sleep.”
It was enough to get me to jolt awake, my bed covered in sweat just like she said. My hooves were shaking, too, not to my surprise though. I took a breath and brushed back my mane as I tried to calm down. What in the world was all that? Was any of it even real? And what was the point of it? I almost wished Luna hadn’t interrupted the dream so I could see where it was going and what point it was trying to make.
What point Celestia was trying to make, I thought to myself. Oh, she was going to have a very angry letter coming her way in the morning. She told me I should write to her if I had any concerns about anything since she wanted me to be her advisor, and I certainly had some concerns right now. If she was involved, which there was no way she wasn’t, then there was no way that was okay what she did. If on the off chance she wasn’t, then… I didn’t know. I didn’t know any of what the heck that thing was trying to do yet.
My praying had tapered off by a large amount over the course of time that I’d been in Equestria, but it took no time to think of one right now.
Lord, let your will be your will, and let me walk in your light. Please don’t let me be steered away from you, and continue to use your hand to guide me.
Man, was I shaking from such a short conversation.
“Now I will admit,” Discord started as Celestia scowled, looking down at a letter Asher had sent to her, “I thought it’d be quite humorous. I certainly had no intention of causing a rift between you and her after you tried to get her closer to you for so long, if that’s what you’re thinking. I would never!”
“I’m sure you would never,” the alicorn said sarcastically, rolling her eyes hard. “However, from this moment forward, I would greatly appreciate it if you didn’t interact with her. She has enough trust issues with me as it is, and I don’t need you to exacerbate them.”
“Oh, of course not! I would never intentionally do such a thing. You have my word that you will hear not a peep from me to her for the rest of my days. My lips are zipped.” The draconequus formed a zipper on his lips and zipped them tight for added emphasis.
“Although I must ask,” he got out from a new pair of lips he summoned to his paw. “I believe I understand that she’s not from Equestria and used to be a stallion, but does she enjoy being a mare more than she did being a stallion? Or is the opposite correct?”
“Quite the opposite. She has been much more apathetic since Prince Blueblood and I explained the traditions of Equestria to her, but undeniably does she severely hate being a mare, even as she tries to hide it now for political purposes.”
“I see. So then this wasn’t a completely random circumstance. Perhaps some of her claims have merit? Improbable, but possible.”
“What are you going on about, Discord?”
“Oh, nothing. Nothing that shall affect a thing– or rather, nothing that’s not otherwise already affected. I shan't speak another word to her, as I said. You have my word.”
“Do not,” Celestia told him again. “Your task is to build up Twilight Sparkle’s confidence until she’s able to take my position as ruler. Do not over meddle in anything else.”
“I would never. How could you think such childish antics of me?” Then the creature snapped his fingers and disappeared with a blink.
“Are you okay, Asher?” Twilight asked me while I sat at the table, looking over my shoulder to see what I was writing. I quickly covered it up, not wanting there to be more drama than there probably was already going to be. “You’re not writing something to Princess Celestia, are you?” she asked. “I thought you already sent her that letter about how you were getting ready to visit Canterlot this summer.”
“I did,” I replied, not writing while she was looking at what it was. “This is something else more important though. And I’d appreciate it if you didn’t watch me.”
“Sorry. You just look like you’re about to have a heart attack.”
I still felt like I was about to have one. That whole conversation had me completely unnerved. My hooves were still shaking an hour later, and I really needed a shower to wash off all the sweat I had. I took a deep breath, and tried to straighten my mane with my hooves to calm down.
“I’m fine. It’s just…” I wasn’t about to tell her what that snake/lizard thing told me in my dreams. I didn’t need to tangle her up in whatever was going on, even if she was about to make friends with whatever it was. I’d leave that to Celestia to handle.
“I saw that thing and had nightmares about it is all,” I finished. “Thankfully Luna showed up, but heck. It was not good.”
Speaking of Luna, I needed to talk to her sometime, and get her thoughts about all of that. I knew she was free basically whenever I wanted to talk to her, and would make time for me if she wasn’t, but I wasn’t free at all times. I made a mental note to write it down later and find a day to talk to her.
“Like, honestly, and I know this is a stretch, but it, like, kind of has devil vibes from how it looks and how it sounded in my dreams. Like, just as a comparison, not that this is the actual devil.” Man, that statue was creepy, and sent a shiver through my spine when I glanced at it. I forced that thought out of my head though, finishing, “But yeah. If you could give me some privacy for this letter? I’m gonna go take a shower after this.”
She let me be, and after I finished writing, I got Spike to send it off for me before heading to the restroom to clean myself off. The hot water soaking my fur and mane made me feel better, and helped to stop my heart from pounding, but I was still kind of nervous. What on Earth was that thing, and what the heck was it talking about?
I didn’t get an answer, the letter that Spike burped out in green flames for me after the shower just being a simple assurance from Celestia that the creature, Discord, wouldn’t do anything to me again. I didn’t know how much I believed that it wouldn’t be doing anything again, since it seemed like it was on the verge of telling me something and got some enjoyment out of my anxiety, but I’d take it. It was better than nothing.
Twilight lit up her horn and teleported both herself and the statue away a few minutes after that, leaving me alone in the library while she apparently made friends with the thing. I wanted to grab a book and try and read up on some of the stuff it was saying, but couldn’t because of class that day. Not to mention, I was still awful at reading Ponish, so without something in Unicorn Script, it was going to be a slog. I shelved the thought for now, making a mental note to visit Princess Luna when I had the time.
School was just the same as ever, although as hard as I tried to get Discord out of my head, it felt impossible. I don’t know why that experience set me off so badly, but it did. I felt like a nervous wreck the whole day, part of my concentration away from class and wondering what Twilight was doing with that thing. Why on Earth did Celestia want her to make friends with it?
“Is something wrong, Asher?” some of the Talent Discovery Association asked me during a break between Miss Cheerilee explaining quadratics I’d learned a long time ago and the history lesson she was going to give next.
“You look like you’re sick,” Scootaloo said. “Did you eat something bad?”
“No, I just had a rough night last night trying to sleep,” I said quickly. “It’s nothing.”
All four fillies looked at me expectantly with raised eyebrows, waiting for me to continue. Ten years was unfortunately way too long to know a pony and not be able to pick up that they were trying to hide something. Not that I was, but I didn’t think talking about it with them would help anything.
I talked about it anyway. “It’s that weird statue of a creature that Twilight has to make friends with,” I started. “It was talking to me in my dreams and stuff. I’m pretty sure it was trying to assert that it was God or that God didn’t actually exist and– it’s nothing.”
Most of them didn’t understand, but they all nodded along anyway and gave sympathetic looks. ‘God’ was a conversation I had a long time ago, and I’m pretty sure none of them believed me about it or really cared, minus Sweetie Belle, and Silver Spoon allegedly, according to her. But neither of them really cared, not much beyond, ‘huh, maybe you’re right about that’ before switching the conversation, understandably. Heck, I , for better or for worse (probably for worse) largely stopped thinking about him, too. A lack of routine doesn’t really breed much faith. Nor does being turned into a pony.
“Is that the one my sister said she had to make friends with?” Sweetie Belle asked. “The way she talked about it made it seem super creepy . I would have nightmares if I had to sleep in the same building as that thing.”
“Did Princess Celestia ask her to make friends with it?” Silver Spoon asked. I knew where she was going with the question because she was about the only pony I talked to Celestia about. She knew how I felt about her, even if the anger I had before was now more just apathy and mild annoyance these days.
“Yeah, apparently. I don’t know what the heck she wants to do with that thing, but I imagine it’s something.” I sent a look her way to silently add the thought, Hopefully something good .
“Oh hey! You know how we can figure out our special talents, guys?” Apple Bloom suddenly broken in. “We could try and get out marks in friendship making!”
I was not enthused by that idea, and had no intention of being around that thing while Twilight and her friends were trying to make friends with it. It didn’t stop Scootaloo, Diamond Tiara, and Sweetie Belle from all agreeing it was a good idea.
“I’m probably gonna hang back on this one, guys,” I said definitively. “If you wanna do that, go ahead, but that thing gives me the creeps.”
“If you say so, Asher. After class, the Talent Discovery Association is gonna make friends with a big scary monster!”
“And probably teach it a lesson about giving Asher nightmares, too,” Sweetie Belle added. I felt a little embarrassed, but smiled at the fact that they were just that quick to come to my defense.
Suddenly though, a thought came to me. I didn’t say it out loud, nothing other than ‘I need to speak to Miss Cheerilee about something’, but it was one I was glad I thought of. Silver Spoon raised an eyebrow again curiously, but I waved her off with a hoof, knowing she was going to want me to tell her about it later.
Cheerilee was at her desk eating lunch and reading a book when I stepped in. She gave me a friendly wave to draw me closer, and didn’t look bothered that I was interrupting what was her break, too, thankfully. Not that she was the type to get upset about something like that.
“Hey, Ashley,” she greeted me as I made my way to her desk. “Need help with something?”
“I was just wondering if you knew anything about a creature called ‘Discord’,” I started. “I mean, I think you know about how Twilight’s gonna try and make friends with the thing.”
“Yes, I do,” she replied, “but if you’re worried, I don’t think there’s anything to be nervous about. I’m certain that Princess Celestia knows all about it, and is keeping a close eye on her to make sure nothing goes wrong.”
Wasn’t that the understatement of the year? I was certain of that, too. In fact, I was pretty sure she was watching everypony all the time, like that book Nineteen Eighty-Four . At least, she would if she could. I knew that much.
“Well, I was wanting to know his history and stuff, if I could get it,” I asked. “I mean, I still suck at Ponish and all, and Twilight only gave me a very basic, one sentence rundown of that creature. I was hoping you could go more in depth?”
“I can go over it for you after class,” she told me. “Although I think that would be a great opportunity to practice some Ponish with you if you were still not the best at it. Most fillies half your age have it down perfectly well, and it’d be a good thing to study up on if you really want to be a politician like your friends seem to say.”
That would’ve been annoying to hear from her if I weren’t half expecting her to brush me off. It seemed like with Cheerilee, there was always a fifty-fifty shot of her basically ignoring me when I asked for something. Still, I pressed on, hoping to get something from her right now.
“Well, he’s not a god like Twilight said, is he? He’s just another pony like Cele– err, Princess Celestia, right?”
“Hmmm… I have heard him called a god before, and he is known as the ‘Lord of Chaos’. I don’t think it’d be too far a stretch to consider him a god. After all, it took the Elements of Harmony to bring him down. Not even the princesses themselves could do it alone.”
Man, that was not what I wanted to hear. But I kept my nerves down and continued on.
“Also, what exactly are ‘features’? They sounded like deities when I heard about them before.”
“Quite the studious young mare it seems you are, Ashley,” she complimented, not that I knew anything about what I was asking. “If you can’t read Ponish, how did you learn about all this stuff already?” I shrugged, and she said, “Well, features, to put it very simply, are just properties of the universe. Things like Harmony, Order, Chaos, Symmetry– there’s six of them, although I can’t quite remember what they all are.”
“They’re, um- they’re not deities, are they?”
“I guess they could be classified as them. I think Discord might be the physical manifestation of Chaos, actually. I’d need to do a little digging and get back to you on that. It's been quite a while since I've studied up on something like that, let alone had a foal ask me.”
Yeah, that wasn’t really what I wanted to hear. I was all sorts of confused about everything now, and a lot more nervous. I did know a little bit more though, which was good, although I wasn’t sure how much that was going to help me any time soon, if at all. All I really did was manage to get my anxiety flared up for no reason. Great.
“Hey,” the teacher said kindly, getting out of her seat to put a hoof on my shoulder. “There’s absolutely nothing to be worried about, Asher. I promise.” Before I could object, she continued, “I remember you telling me about that deity you believe in when you were still a young filly, but if that’s what you’re concerned about, I’m certain they’re watching out for you right now.”
I wasn’t sure about that, and knew Cheerilee was just trying to appease me and make me feel better, but I accepted her words anyway. They helped, a little bit.
I was going to have to hold on to them because the day was going to be a strange one.
Why on Earth is this coming up right now though? I wondered silently. What’s Celestia trying to accomplish with all of this?
“I’m kind of confused about what we’re doing here,” Lightning Dust announced, looking bored as she lay on a cloud lazily above the bright green grass of Ponyville. “How do we make friends with an inanimate object? And a pretty ugly looking one at that?”
“It’s not ugly,” Twilight defended as she stood close to the tall white statue that was her current assignment from her teacher. “And it’s only inanimate right now. I’m gonna cast a spell to free him from stone once we’re all ready.”
“I must say, I quite disagree, Twilight,” Rarity spoke up. “This thing is quite unsightly. Its body features are not coherent in the slightest. It looks like something out of a fashion designer’s nightmare.”
“Eeyup,” Big Mac agreed.
“Well I say he’s a very handsome draconequus,” Fluttershy told the group. “And I think that you should all be a little nicer before making fun of his looks again.”
“It’s not my fault he looks ugly,” Lightning Dust brushed her off. “But whatever. Let’s get this over with. Twilight, do your thing.”
Twilight sent a look her way, and then proceeded to do her thing. She light up her horn, casting a spell on the statute that caused it to shake and glow brightly. A second later, the statue was no more, the draconequus Discord now standing in front of the group of six ponies. He yawned and stretched his limbs, scratching his back like he’d just woken up from a long nap. After that, he bent down to squint at the ponies before him.
“Wow, what an odd group of ponies you are,” he said, sticking his tongue out. “I must say, I didn’t quite expect to see the light of day once again, but now, after a thousand years, I’m free to create chaos and havoc throughout Equestria once again!”
“Oh, no you don’t!” Twilight called before he could snap his fingers and do something. He froze his body in her magic, and stared up at him with a little scowl on her face like she was a disappointed teacher.
“We know all about you, Discord,” she started. “We know about how you caused one thousand years of chaos before you were imprisoned, and know that you’re going to be just as evil now as you were before!”
“Me? Evil?” He put a hand on his chest like he was taken aback by the accusation. “I must say, that’s a fairly harsh word for you to use on me. Downright offensive even. Me? Evil? No, I would never engage in such repugnant behavior. I’m quite the upstanding citizen, you’ll see.”
“Yeah, right,” Lightning Dust said, flying up and pushing her nose right into his face. “We’re watching you, and we’re gonna make sure you stay the way you say you are. If you take even one step out of line, we’re putting you right back in that stone statue!”
“Ah, I see. You’re supposed to be the stand in for– wait, I can’t reveal that. A certain somepony is sure to have my head if I freely speak my mind. In any case however, what an odd assortment of characters you are! Unique that things still lined up closely enough to resemble what should have been, but it seems without the exact setup, the Elements of Harmony aren’t tools you have at your disposal.”
“How do you know about that?”
“Oh, I know lots of things. A being as old as I am sure means you had to have accumulated a lot of knowledge, although I will admit, I do tend to roll my eyes when your revered princess speaks to me.” Discord took his eyes out of his head and shook them for effect. “She thinks she’s high and mighty, and believes she can control me? We shall see about that!”
“Well, we don’t need the Elements of Harmony to contain you, Discord! And even if we did, Princess Celestia does have them, so there’s nothing you can do that we won’t stop!”
“Ah, I’m trembling in fear,” he said, putting a paw up to his mouth and pretending to be afraid. “You girls certainly have me quite ‘shook’, as they say in other places. Oh, wait, I spoke incorrectly. Give me a moment.” He snapped his fingers, changing the stallion of the group into a smaller, similarly colored mare, declaring, “There. Now I can accurately refer to you all as girls.”
“Discord!”
“Ah, my apologies. Let me fix things. Is this more acceptable?” Another snap of his fingers came, and now instead of six mares, there were five stallions and one mare, Twilight sending a scowling glare up at the draconequus. Two minutes into their task, and Discord was turning out to be a hassle to deal with. Not that she didn’t expect it based on what she knew about him.
“Awww, why are you so angry? Wouldn’t it be more interesting if every mare were a stallion and every stallion were a mare? I’m sure some ponies in this little rinky dink town would enjoy it.”
“Fix us back now!”
“Fine , since you insist. Although I hope you know, though, that your way is significantly less fun than my way.” Another snap of his fingers came, one where they were changed back, all except Big Mac, who was still staring up at the draconequus with a glare in his eye. Discord stuck out his tongue, and this time Fluttershy spoke up.
“Discord, please,” she started gently, but assertively. “Our task from Princess Celestia is to make friends with you. We can’t do that if you’re acting out like this. Change him back, please?”
“Ah, of course. I wouldn’t want to act out for our dear, sweet Fluttershy , now would I?” he got out sarcastically. He snapped a finger, and when nothing seemed to change, let out a little laugh. “Oh, you didn’t mean that him, did you? I apologize.” Another snap, and Big Mac was changed back, looking himself over for a second before sighing in relief. “Although you have to admit, it would be quite a bit more fun if we turned every stallion into a mare and every mare into a stallion. What interesting shenanigans would ensue, I wonder.”
“Thank you for listening, Discord,” the yellow pegasus replied. “I’m sure this is why Celestia wants us to be friends with you. Because she probably knows how wonderful a creature you can be when you put your heart into it.”
“Either that, or she simply wishes to use me for her own power over this world, but that’s probably a conspiracy theory, I’m sure. Some might agree with me though. But I must say, thank you for asking so kindly, Fluttershy. And I appreciate the compliment you gave me about my looks. Some of your friends would do well to stop acting so superior and uptight when I can hide all of their Starswirl the Bearded fanfiction in the blink of an eye.”
“How do you know about that!”
"Being imprisoned in stone doesn't mean one can't see and hear everything around them. I stayed in your treehouse yesterday, and can tell that-"
“I’m sure Discord is going to be nice to us as long as we’re nice to him, right Discord?” the yellow pegasus interrupted. Fluttershy gave him a look, one that made him raise his eyebrow before he playfully pretended to just remember what they were talking about.
“Oh, yes, of course , I would never do anything to ever harm you or any one of your friends,” he said, his voice dripping with joking sarcasm. “You know me, already! I’m an upstanding citizen, one who would never go against the wishes of the ponies before me. Speaking of wishes though…” He snapped his fingers, and suddenly there was a bed on the ground outside that he was laying in, pretending to sleep. “Being trapped in stone for a thousand years leaves one quite exhausted. I understand I’m supposed to be making friends with you, but how about a brief rest before we continue? I’m sure Twilight Sparkle can spare the room, can’t she?”
“No, I can’t! I already have someone staying in my treehouse already, and even if I didn’t, I wouldn’t want to stay with you!”
“I’m sure I have room at my cottage, Discord,” Fluttershy told him gently, putting a hoof on his shoulder. “Why don’t you stay with me for the time being, until you get situated?”
“Oh, no, no, no! I would never want to burden some creature as kind as you’ve been thus far, Fluttershy,” he insisted. “It’s much better if I stay with Twilight, I believe. After all, I’m supposed to be learning about friendship or something from her, and what better way to do that than to hit it up with the book horse at her library?”
Twilight stomped a hoof and frowned. There was no getting out of this, was there? This was gonna be quite a long task Celestia wanted her to undertake, she knew that much already.
I had the option of heading to either Holiday and Lofty’s house after school, or visiting Caramel, and I chose the latter. I didn’t know why, other than the fact that Caramel was an adult and understood more than most of these other ponies did when I talked to her. It turned out to be the more interesting option today, especially given what happened during the conversation.
She looked just about the same as she did when I first met her, although she now tried to present herself more like a mare. I’d gone the opposite route as her and copied her as I presented like a mare, too. She thankfully got it in a way that even Silver Spoon couldn’t get it, and talked to me about it a little bit that day.
“If I was trying to do what you’re doing, I’d try my best to fit in with being a stallion,” she said, her voice higher pitched than it used to be as she perfected something called ‘voice training’. “I’m not as strong as you though. I guess that’s why I’ll never be a business pony or a politician.”
“Eh. I’m just more apathetic, I guess,” I said with a long sigh. “Three years is more that enough time to get used to all of this. It’s easier to push down now than before. I guess I’m okay with being a mare… or rather, I can tolerate it. Not like I have any choice anyway since nothing’s gonna be changing any time soon.”
“You never know. They’re coming up with new spells all the time. I’m sure someday they’ll have a spell for ponies like us.”
Maybe that was the case, but I’d never be able to use something like that on account of me trying to be a politician. Besides, being in a position where dysphoria was muted and in the background was way better than where I was during the first few months I was in Equestria. It was downright terrible back then. Maybe with more work, in another three years, I’d actually feel okay with being a mare.
Yeah, right.
“Oh hey! Speaking of which, I have to ask you for a favor!” Caramel started excitedly. I raised an eyebrow, and she continued, “Since you’re gonna be on Celestia’s council in a year and a half and since you go to Canterlot even more often than I do, do you think the next time you see her you could propose a law that establishes term limits on elected officials and creates more regular elections?”
“Um, what?” Out of all the things I could’ve expected the favor to be, this was not it. I was honestly surprised for once.
“Is there not already term limits on the mayor and district representatives?”
“No– well, sometimes there are, but they only hold elections as part of tradition, and only if they want to. We haven’t had an election here in Ponyville in a long time, I believe, and there doesn’t ever need to be one if Mayor Mare or the governor of our area or our district representative doesn’t want to hold one. They’re technically positions that you can just continue to have for life.”
“Okay, yeah, I can see how that can be an issue, but why are you asking me now about this and not before?”
“Because the traditions of Equestria are terrible . If I ever wanted to put my work down as a business, the committee that collects taxes on Equestrian citizens can refuse to acknowledge my business if I’m a mare and not give me the appropriate tax breaks because I’m not classified as a business.”
“Okay, but a whole lot of mares I know own businesses already here in Ponyville.”
“Well, Ponyville isn’t an issue, but Canterlot will be. They’re ridgid about tradition and social rules, and I can’t stand in line for hours waiting to talk to Princess Celestia like other ponies can. And even though it’s not an issue here in Ponyville, the representative for our district is someone who was born in Canterlot and refuses me every time I try and bring it up to her. And we only have one representative because our district doesn’t have to hold elections if they don’t want to. Which is why you should propose term limits to Princess Celestia if you can.”
"But there's plenty of mares with businesses here already," I countered. "Like Rarity. She owns that dress store, right?"
"Yeah, but she doesn't call her business a business and just goes without getting tax breaks. She likes the tradition of Canterlot, too, and is rich enough that she can get away with it. And all the other mares with businesses here either had them passed down to them or bought them outright, so they couldn't be said to not be businesses. I can't do that for me though."
That sounded like an awfully complicated but completely legitimate complaint, one that I knew for myself I would want to pounce on. There was no reason something like that wouldn’t affect me sometime down the line.
“I’ll see if I can bring it up, but I’m not gonna be on her council for another almost two years, when I’m fourteen. But I can tell her about it. About both things.”
“Thanks, Asher. It’s okay if it takes a little while, as long as it happens. I think soon I wanna start receiving hormone–”
All of a sudden, the very last thing in the world– or rather, the second to last thing– I ever expected to happen to me happened right then.
I was turned into a stallion.
“Oh my gosh!” I suddenly screamed, gasping loudly, able to immediately feel the difference. “Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! What the heck happened?”
I didn’t know– not immediately anyway. I’m sure if I thought more about it, I would’ve made the connection to that lizard-snake creature, but I didn’t bother right then. I was much more preoccupied with the feeling of just plain relief washing over me. I was still a pony, but one of my two issues were now fixed.
At least, for that moment. I was the exact same color in both coat and mane, except a stallion now, one with shorter hair only to my neck, a deeper voice– still not mine, but like I might have sounded as a teenager– and a slightly larger body. A glance to Caramel showed that she changed too. She was still larger than me, but no bigger than Twilight, and exactly the same as she was before, except a mare now with a longer, slightly more curly mane. She screamed, too, and squealed excitedly, smiling just as widely as I was. Honestly, after so long, I never really expected myself to be turned back into a male. Maybe soon I’d be a human, too.
Except just a few seconds later, reality snapped back, and both Caramel and I were forced back into our respective bodies.
“What?” I said aloud, blinking and looking at my usual self again, expecting to revert back a second later. When nothing happened, I got angry.
“What a– ahh! What a fucking tease!” I clenched my jaw and stomped my hooves angrily, closing my eyes and hoping the change would come back. However, nothing continued to happen, and I screamed angrily again.
No way is this not– wait, I thought silently, taking a breath to try and get relaxed again. As if such a thing would ever happen since now I knew I could be changed again. But I tried to get myself back to calm. Before I was able to though, I heard Caramel gasp again, and watched her change back into the mare she was turned into a few seconds ago.
She sighed and started to get teared up, and I just stood there an aching mess of dysphoria that’d I’d managed to push down up until this point. I’d specifically worked on keeping myself from spiraling like I’d used to and not letting dysphoria get to me as badly. But oh boy, right then it was particularly painful.
Come on, please God, let me change back. Let Celestia or Discord or whatever the heck happened change me back. I want that more than anything. Or at least to be a human. The only thing I think I’d want more would be to go home, but if I had to stay…
Nothing happened again, and after standing there silently for a minute while Caramel cried, looking perfectly happy with herself, I flopped onto my back and covered my face with my hooves to breathe. Why? What was the point of that? Watching Caramel change would be annoying and upsetting, but the fact that for about thirty seconds I was changed too was the worst part of that. What point did it serve to change me and then change me back a few seconds later?
“Asher?” the pony started tearfully, her voice higher pitched than before. “Can you believe– oh, heck. What happened? I thought you changed, too.”
I didn’t say anything, and instead kept my eyes closed and tried to breathe. To say I was pissed off was very much an understatement. I was absolutely seething about what just happened, and was still hoping that whatever it was would happen again. Why shouldn’t it happen again if it happened out of the blue for a first time?
Because someone is intentionally trying to mess with you, I thought. Probably it was Celestia, though how or why, I didn’t know. What I did know was that I was once again gonna make it known to her that I didn’t like the trick she was trying to pull on me. But first I needed to take a breath. I was gonna try and not let this get to me, even though it badly was.
Discord. I need to talk to that weird lizard thing, Discord, I thought, remembering him again. He said he was a god of chaos, and this certainly was chaos, even if I didn’t believe he was a god. Although I had to admit, right then I was shaky about whether or not he was being truthful and not just trying to mess with me. If he could do something like this, then maybe what he said was real.
No. Nope, I’m not entertaining that line of thought. I’m being messed with again, right now. It’s so obvious what the heck is going on. The only question is whether or not Celestia is involved in this .
I didn’t know, but I hoped to find out soon, and stood up to try and do so, brushing myself off before wordlessly heading out the door. Caramel called after me and followed for a few second, but I didn’t reply and she remained, probably more caught up with what just happened than she was in going after me. Good, because I didn’t think anything good would come out of the conversation I was about to have with a being that claimed to be a god.
I tried to remember where Twilight said she’d be this afternoon, but I couldn’t remember, and so just wandered around the town looking for her group and the long lizard-snake thing. As I did, I ran into Silver Spoon and the rest of the TDA, who were eager to chat about what just happened. It seemed like none of them noticed my anger, what with the excitement of what just happened.
“It was weird!” Scootaloo said, the whole group all walking beside me as I remained silent, looking for who I wanted to speak to. “I think being a colt is kind of cool, but I’m glad I’m a filly. I much rather be a cool mare than a stinky colt.” The rest of the group agreed, thankfully, although I remained silent for obvious reasons.
“Oh wait, did what happened to us happen to you, too?” Silver Spoon asked. “I bet you loved it! Was it amazing?”
“I cain’t see how you’d wanna be a colt, Asher,” Apple Bloom said. “It felt gross. Yuck!”
“Yeah, it was nice,” I said, “although I wish it wasn’t just taken away like that. It feels mean, honestly.”
“Yeah, that sounds terrible,” the girls agreed. “How do you think that happened? That was weird!”
“I don’t know,” I said, not exactly a lie. As I said it, Twilight, her friends, and the lizard thing all came into view as they stood around talking in the center of Ponyville. I stopped for a moment to take a breath and keep my emotions level, not wanting to come across in a way Celestia might not like.
“But I think I’m about to find out,” I said, starting off again a second later.
Author's Note
And now we have the third time Asher has cursed.
The lizard thing– Discord, I knew– made a point of ignoring me, annoyingly enough.
Twilight glanced at our approaching group, but must have assumed that we were going to walk past her because she didn’t give us more than that. Instead, she turned to talk to the lizard thing with her friends. I saw Discord glance at me, but he, too, remained silent. Hopefully that wouldn’t stay that way for long.
“Can you explain what the heck that was all about?” I asked, interrupting Twilight as I sent my look up at the snake-lizard. I, of course, was naive enough to think he would answer me, or even look at me when I asked my question. I wasn’t that surprised though when I was ignored. Same old, same old, even if it was the first time in years I had to deal with this again.
“I just don’t see how it wouldn’t be friendly if I changed the rain clouds into pillows of chocolate and made the rivers flow with icing,” he said, speaking to Twilight’s group of friends. “In fact, I would argue quite the opposite! I’m spreading happiness by doing such!”
“I mean, he’s got a point, you gotta admit, Twilight,” Pinkie Pie agreed. “Imagine what kind of party I could throw if there was a river of icing in Ponyville, and clouds of chocolate! It’d be the biggest one in Equestria!”
“As fun as that sounds, it’s not friendly when you consider that–”
“Discord,” I said again, interrupting the purple pony, to her annoyance. “Tell me what the heck that was all about. I know it was you.”
“See? Pinkie Pie agrees with me,” he said. “You’re not going to just deny her the opportunity to host the largest party Equestria has ever seen, will you?”
I closed my eyes and took a breath to push down the anger over him intentionally ignoring me. I wasn’t going to scream– not yet anyway. Over the last ten years, staying calm when I was angry was a skill I learned. I’d give it a couple of more tries, and then I’d just go send a letter to Celestia instead. Answers were going to be something I was going to find. Hopefully.
“Asher, can you and your friends get out of here for now?” Twilight asked. “I’m kind of in the middle of something, and I don’t need you guys distracting us.”
“I want to talk to Discord,” I told the unicorn. “I know he was part of it, since he was in my dreams. I’m not that dumb. That was a whole lot of mess a few minutes ago that I want answers about.”
He didn’t turn, but the draconequus finally acknowledged me as he flicked an ear. “Twilight,” he started with a little tone in his voice. “Would you please tell that little filly in front of you that I’m under direct orders from the princess herself not to utter a word to her?”
“Why?” I jumped in, the book horse looking like she was actually about to tell me that. “You were talking to me in my dreams! Does that not count?”
“Twilight, please inform that little filly in front of you that my instructions for how I should interact with her were given just this morning.”
“Why are you doing this to me?” I asked. “Seriously? Why put me through that…” I wanted to curse again, but held myself back, and closed my eyes. It had been… what? Ten years or so in Earth time since stuff like this happened? Why again so out of the blue was it coming up? I didn’t know, but I already hated it. That whole scenario significantly intensified the dysphoria I was doing my best to keep down. How many years had I built up the ability to ignore it?
Don’t get worked up, I told myself. Don’t stress out, and don’t yell at people. You need to keep being nice, in spite of… all of this. I seriously wanted to cry. This was extremely infuriating.
I held back from that though. “Discord,” I started again, more desperately. “Please. I know you did… whatever thing you did to turn me and Caramel into what we want to be. Can you please turn me into a stallion again? You kept her the same way!” It felt nothing but mean spirited to do something like that. It felt intentional .
“Twilight,” Discord started again, “please inform that little filly that, while I appreciate the unexpected politeness, I was informed by Princess Celestia strictly to not associate with her.”
Just stay calm. Just stay calm.
“But you were just associating with me by doing that!” I argued, still trying not to get worked up. “You’re associating with me right now by trying to talk to me through Twilight! I’m just asking for one thing! A thing you already did ! Can’t you just do it again, please?”
“Twilight, please inform–”
“If Celestia asks,” I cut in, “I’ll tell her that I asked you to change me, okay?” I said. “Please, for everything, just do this for me? Please?” I didn't know if he knew exactly what I told Celestia, but I hoped he didn't. Nothing about this was making me feel any better about whatever hoof she had in this.
Don't get stressed out. Don't start yelling. That won't help anything.
To my surprise, the lizard-snake looked like he was actually considering it. He put a paw on his chin and looked up to the sky at nothing in particular, like he was lost at thought. Twilight shook her head and let out an annoyed huff of a breath, but I didn't care. This was important. I could actually feel my hope rising slightly.
“Hmm… I wasn't prepared for this,” Discord said, sounding thoughtful. “I thought you'd demand I'd change you to prove I'm a god or you'd run off to Celestia to complain again. I wasn't expecting you to be civil with me.”
Wait, what ? “Why– why the heck would I ask you to prove that you're really a god?” I got out, an exasperated tone in my voice as I wore what was surely an incredulous look. What was going on? How deep did this all go? I might have been nervous by the thought, but I had doubts that he was one to begin with! I certainly wasn't going to be asking him to prove it. Heck, I wanted nothing less !
He dodged the question. No surprise. “Nothing, forget I even said anything,” he told me, waving a claw dismissively. “Although this does answer the question of whether you prefer being a mare or a stallion. Thank you, it's appreciated, more than you know.”
And what the heck did that matter, outside of my own discomfort? I didn't know, and didn't care to ask about it right then. “So then you'll turn me into a stallion?” I asked, heart rate picking up. “A human would be even better, or heck, going back to Earth in general, but being a stallion would–”
“No,” he interrupted now. “I don’t think I will. And before you ask, I’ll tell you why. As the Lord of Chaos and one of the Six Features that rule over this universe, I know when I should consider staying out of the activities of others. Certainly, I don't want to come face to face with whatever Feature unknown sent you here! I might have to introduce myself! And then Fluttershy will want me to make friends! And I say to that, neigh way, José!” He finished by putting on a Mexican looking sombrero and poofing a curly black mustache onto his face, shaking maracas in his hands.
So then I was being screwed with, a little bit anyway. How much, I couldn't say, but some amount. I still had a sneaking suspicion that he was just lying to cover for Princess Celestia, but I obviously couldn't be sure. I couldn't even know if I wanted him to be telling the truth. I had no idea what was going on.
God, is this meant to be a way to reawaken my faith? I wondered to myself. It felt like the worst way it could be done, but—
No, there is no ‘worst way’, Asher, I told myself. It just felt bad. More likely though, this lizard thing was just messing with me at Celestia's behest. But it would've been a little bit comforting to know it was true. It was reawakening all those old feelings I had about what I was doing here for the last… I didn't even know.
“Actually, I'm going to teach you a lesson while I do it, Ashely,” Discord continued. “For your own good. In the same way that I—wait, I can't say that yet, it's too soon. But anyhow!” The maracas disappeared as he waved a paw in the air, telling me, “You live in a world of opportunity, Asher! Waiting around and asking others to change things for you is quite lazy, if I do say so myself. And trust me, I am pretty lazy. The point being though, opportunity is something you can grab for yourself, without the help of others, rather than wasting away in sorrow wishing things would change.”
“Okay. So, yeah. I shouldn’t be surprised.” I had nothing else to say to that. If that wasn't a force fed line right from Celestia's mouth, I didn't know what was. I was lazy and waiting for things to change on their own? I didn't expect my body to change until it was shoved in my face out of the blue for no reason! And I was bad for asking for the quick solution to happen for once so far?
“Hey, Asher? Maybe we should go?” Silver Spoon said quietly, putting a hoof on my shoulder. I didn't waste time in taking her advice, and turned to follow behind her and the others. I couldn't remember the last time my blood was boiling like this.
“What the heck was that all about?” Twilight asked as she watched Asher stomp away angrily. The filly looked like she was about to tell the draconequus off, but held back instead. What was that even about to begin with? They spoke like they already knew each other.
“Okay, fine, I admit it,” Discord said halfheartedly, holding up his arms in a defensive shrug. “I may have gone into her dreams, but only as a little test for myself! I needed to see if what she believes is true! You could say I’m doing important scientific research, just like you’re so fond of, Twilight Sparkle!” He snapped his fingers and poofed up lab equipment that floated in the air, along with a white lab coat and goggles for himself.
None except Pinkie Pie look particularly happy by that. Lightning Dust and Rarity both shared a look while Twilight stomped a hoof against the ground, more frustrated than she was angry.
“Well, I'll have you know, in Equestria, we don't call people that we don't know lazy,” she reprimanded firmly. “We also don't turn the ground into chocolate syrup and the clouds into cotton candy, or change ponies into other creatures they don't wanna be! And we certainly don't enter their dreams without permission unless they have royal authority from the princesses!”
“Ah, of course! I see!” Discord exclaimed, giving off faux misunderstanding. “I thought those were acceptable things to do here amongst you ponies! I only wanted to be like the princesses, radiating kindness and peace wherever they—”
“Ya know,” Big Mac interrupted. “We can tell when yer bein’ sarcastic like,” he said.
“Huh, I didn't believe earth ponies could tell anything,” Discord muttered. “I thought you were all useless laborers.”
Now Fluttershy gave him a stern glare. “Discord, that's not very nice,” she told him, no differently than a stern parent. “Just look. You made Asher cry.” All turned to see the gray pony a few hundred feet away now, putting her head in her hooves while each of her friends offered a hug to her.
“I'll admit, I do feel a bit bad about that,” the draconequus commented. “But it's for her own good, I tell you, just like it's for Equestria’s own good that I turn every river in the country into a stream of cherry soda!” He snapped his fingers, and a nearby creek turned bright red and fizzy.
Twilight could only roll her eyes. This was going to be fun, wasn't it?
Author's Note
Yes, I am still writing the story, cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!
Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle didn’t stay near Asher for long before they trotted back over to Discord. Even Diamond Tiara went with them, despite not being somepony who liked getting into fights very much anymore. No creature was gonna make their friend cry and get away with it.
They didn’t even need to talk it over; they were all gonna give it to that… thing . Whatever that thing was. It made sense why Celestia wanted it to be taught friendship! It clearly didn’t know anything about it.
“Hey!” Scootaloo took the lead, yelling for Discord’s attention as soon as they got within earshot of him. The four of them marched side by side, all wearing glowering expressions. Twilight Sparkle was already in the middle of saying something about not changing ponies into different things without their consent when they got up to him.
The draconequus looked down at them with a curious expression, tilting his head as he waited for them to speak. Scootaloo started again, “You can’t just make our friend cry and not say sorry!”
“Yeah! Who do ya think you are!” Apple Bloom spoke just as loudly, with just as much anger in her voice. “That’s a mean thing ta do, like mah big brother always says!”
“Eeyup.”
“I can’t say I know who you’re referring to, little fillies,” Discord mused. He looked up to the sky before summoning a pair of glasses on his face, as well as papers to look down at, pretending to be deep in thought. “What brother would you have that speaks more than two words? Because this big red palooka here certainly wouldn’t.”
“Hey! Don’t call mah brother a big palooka!”
“What the heck even is a palooka?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“As for your friend,” Discord continued, “I believe you four just heard me tell her I was teaching her a lesson, unless you have ears full of beeswax.” He stuck a claw into his own ear and pulled out a golden fluid he quickly slurped up. “Mine seem to have honey in them! But in any case, I won’t apologize for something I’m not sorry for. It’s a matter of principle. Even if she is making me feel quite terrible with all that crying. It’s giving me a headache, even from this distance.”
“Well then you’re just a mean bully!” Scootaloo scolded. “I can see why Celestia made you a stupid stone statue! She should’ve kept you in there!”
“Now that’s a mean thing to say,” Discord replied, pretending to be upset. “Stupid? Please! As the God of Chaos, I make sure to keep up to date on all of my current studies! I graduated from Chaos Academy with straight As!”
“Well that’s what you are!” Scootaloo doubled down, fluttering her wings in anger.
Discord bit his lip and let out a long breath. “You know, there are many, many cruel things I could say, but I will simply keep them to myself. I don’t want to make a habit of belittling fillies, even if you do feel like I did that to Asher. As well, I am currently in friendship lessons, and it’s very tough for me. Isn’t that right, Fluttershy?”
He didn’t wait for her to answer, continuing, “I will admit, perhaps there could’ve been a better way to teach my lesson to her, however, I still say it wasn’t cruel, because it’s an important lesson. No different than you doing… well, I don’t know exactly what it is foals do. But still.”
“Well if ya make him cry again, yer gonna get it from all of us!” Apple Bloom threatened, raising a hoof to him. Three shouts of agreement echoed beside her, along with a small, squeaky voice calling him a big palooka. All four glared at him for a long moment afterward.
“I assure you, with such violent threats from her friends, I will keep myself in line. I wouldn’t want to end up like the Smooze did! That would certainly make me a terrible guest at parties!”
“Yeah, well we mean it, so stop acting like a stupid bully!” Sweetie Belle demanded.
Then the four of them marched away, Diamond Tiara subtly directing the other three to hold their chins high in a haughty manner. The draconequus stuck his tongue out and put his fingers in his ears behind their backs, and Fluttershy touched a wing to his side.
“This is why Celestia wants us to reform you,” the pegasus said. “That really was a mean thing to do, and you shouldn’t talk to ponies that way, even if they’re yelling at you or you’re trying to teach them something. I know you can do better.”
“Yeah, that’s definitely something we’re gonna have to work on with you… unfortunately,” Twilight added.
“That whole incident didn’t earn me an extra lesson in friendship, did it?” Discord asked. His six teachers of friendship only rolled their eyes.
Silver Spoon hugged me tight as the rest of our friends left us behind. I didn't cry nearly as much as I did a few years ago, but it was still easier to get to me now than it was as a human.
“It'll be alright, Asher,” she said kindly as we got up to Golden Oaks library and sat at the table. “I'm here for you. We all are.”
“I'm just…” My voice cracked, and I told her, “I thought I moved past this! I was doing fine until that thing gave me what I wanted and then stole it back from me! For no reason!” How many other ponies did he do that to? The entire world? If only Caramel remained changed, I didn't know if that was more or less messed up than picking on me specifically.
“I know,” Silver Spoon nodded, then finally let go and looked away. “You know though,” she said. “I'm not saying he's right, but you also really could do it yourself. Or at least find somepony who could. Twilight Sparkle knows a lot of magic, after all.”
“Yeah? Maybe…” I trailed off tearfully, wiping my eyes. “I don't know. I wish. I don't know what to do.” I could feel my lip still trembling, and took deep breaths to try and stop it. Silver Spoon hugged me again.
“Maybe he's right and I'm just pathetic…”
“You're not pathetic, Asher,” she told me, almost with a sigh. “You're one of the smartest ponies I know. It's just like you used to always say before though. You're not from here, so Princess Celestia and Discord—”
“I don't wanna bring that up,” I interrupted, finally starting to calm back down. “I don't wanna give her a reason to make things harder.” I brushed myself off and stood back up, trying to give her a small smile. “But thank you. It helps to hear. I'm glad you're there for me.”
She smiled and blushed lightly in response. “You're… I think my best friend. You don't even have to say anything.”
“Over me? Wow, I can't believe he took my spot!” an approaching Diamond Tiara said in mock surprise. She had a smile on her face as she shook her head, continuing, “I never would've guessed. It's a complete surprise.”
“I– I meant one of them!” Silver Spoon tried to deny, the light pinkness on her silver face becoming a bit more prominent. “You're all my best friends, obviously!”
“Suuuure we are,” Diamond teased with a laugh. “I'm sure it has nothing to do with you liking him.”
“You're all my best friends,” I said quickly, moving past the uncomfortable topic. “I didn't think I'd say that when I first got here, but you really are. Maybe better than any I had on Earth.”
“Well we told that mean monster for you,” Scootaloo said, puffing her chest out in pride. “And we said we'd make him pay if he did that to you again!”
“I don't know how we will though…” Sweetie Belle chimed in, a bit nervously. Then the confidence entered her voice too as she confirmed, “But we will! We don't even need Rainbow Dash’s help!”
“But we'll still ask her anyway though.”
I felt my mood quickly improving as a smile formed on my face. They really were my best friends, strangely enough. Of course, on Earth people would go to bat for me if I needed it, but they were definitely one of the brightest spots about living in Equestria, hard as it could be at times. I had to thank God silently for putting me in Ponyville with them and not someplace else.
“Thank you,” I told all five of them genuinely. “I really appreciate it, and would do the same for you. But since I can't right now… I can make up for it by paying for ice cream for us?”
“That sounds fair,” Scootaloo grinned. “You're on!”
And after that, Celestia, I thought silently. I need to write her a letter about that. One hundred percent, she had some hoof in that.
And Discord, too. He was clearly trying to tell me something, or figure something out, but what, I didn't know. Beyond obviously hitting on what Silver Spoon told me about ‘taking matters into my own hooves’. And in the absolutely worse way possible.
And so many other things beyond that. I was managing so, so well, at least I thought. But I also hadn't got that awful, intensely anxious feeling about God not existing since I first met Celestia. He was definitely throwing it in my face, but why now? This was gonna turn me back into a mess again.
I tried not to worry about it right then though. I had how much free time to try to study and go crazy over it? Right then, I took a breath to ground myself, and then moved to lead my friends to buy strawberry ice cream for the five of us.
It helped take my mind off things for a while.
