Shower Troubles.

by The White devil

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Luna, Comedy, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1818

Luna takes a shower, and it ends spectacularly.

Luna takes a shower, and it ends spectacularly. (My attempt at lighthearted comedy, I think. It is based on 'Luna takes a shower,' Also, I literally wrote this in about two hours."

Published 2023-01-26 22:30:00 UTC
Last updated 2023-01-26 22:30:00 UTC

Just fantastic; a hoot and a holler.

Taking a Shower: With Princess Luna.

Luna is not in the best condition hygienically; being left to rot on a desolate rock for millennia does that to you, among other things. Some private, some mental. But we do not talk about those things.

However, since she is supposed to be not only a model for the citizenry but also an adult, she must maintain her hygiene. So, it is time to clean up after her millennia of extreme isolation on a destitute space pebble. But, there is merely one hurdle she has to overcome: where is the bath?

Well, when in doubt, ask Big Sis.

Luna knocks on her sister's door, "Celestia, where is the bath?"

Sounds of shuffling and things moving around can be heard from inside the elder princess's room as she evidently prepares herself. Soon the door opens as Celestia exits the room. "Yes, Luna, what do you need?"

"Where is the bath?" Luna asks, "All I see is a glass cage."

"You mean the shower?" Celestia says. Luna quickly interjects, "Shower? What is this shower?"

"A shower is like a bath, except it showers you, like per se a rainfall instead of a bath which is more akin to diving into a lake. Don't worry about getting the floors wet; that is what the 'glass cage' is for. All you have to do is pull the glass door back and enter; oh, and you turn it on the same way your turn on a bath." Celestia lengthily explains, and thankfully most of it translates well to what she is trying to communicate.

"Thank you, Cel." Luna replies, "Farewell, then."

"Yes, goodbye." The bedroom door closes once more, leaving Luna alone in the dark hallway.

Luna's bathroom is what you would expect: lavishly constructed with an astrology aesthetic plastered over it. It has all the amenities one would need; mane care products, antiperspirants, and various luxurious soaps, amongst anything required for fantastic hygiene.

Regardless, all that would have to come later; it is time to indulge in what her sister calls a 'shower.'

Luna takes off her jewelry, placing it onto a nearby bust designed for her. She then kicks off her horseshoes and places them next to the figure. Finally, her tiara goes on top.

Luna slides the beautifully decorated glass door open and steps inside the shower, closing it behind her. The area is rather cramped, but there is enough room for her to sit on her haunches. A large metal nozzle points directly at her, likely where the water is supposed to come from; underneath it is a pair of dials shaped like moonroses.

Luna's horn sparks to life with a soft blue light that quick engulfs the dials; she turns them, causing water to pour out of the metal shower head. The water starts off cold but quickly turns to the right temperature, steaming up the small chamber and causing her to sigh a small whinny. Her muscles relax as the sauna-like enclosure releases her from her troubles.

The water flows at a gentle rate, the only sound being the soft pounding of water against the short tub and glass pane. It seems almost hypnotic, bringing peace and tranquility that seemed to have been gone for the longest time. Before, serenity seemed far away; a field of pain she grazed.

Now, though, it seems to have returned. But you know how the song goes.

Luna uses a bar of soap resting on a soap dish to wash her long mane. The soap suds up her hair rapidly, and it works effectively. She does the same with her tail and the family's finest pearls, as well as her hooves. Her method of showering is considerably methodical and focuses on prioritizing certain parts first. She chooses these areas on either how much they sweat or the likelihood of sparking an infection.

As she washes, the temperature gradually increases, and so does the water pressure. The steam begins to become thicker and thicker, making it progressively more humid. While the mini-sauna may have brought peace before, now it is hardly doing anything else but constricting her breathing.

Like a tenacious Python, the heat stranges the air both in the sauna and inside her lungs. She is starting to sweat bullets under the hellacious downpour of steam and near-scolding water. It is gradually becoming more and more unbearable for her to undergo this damnable downpour.

Luna opens her eyes. She turns towards to dials and tries to turn the water off. The water is beginning to seriously hurt now, to the point that she can hardly stop herself from seething. It burns like Serrãno peppers diced with Habaneros, scorching her eyes and fur with bolts of thunderous anguish. No more relaxation, no more serenity; they're both far, far away. At least while this bloody nozzle continues spraying her with liquid fire!

While Luna may have been told how to turn the water on, she was not told to turn it off or how to adjust it (assuming that she even knows if that is possible). All she can do is try her best and hope that it works. Unfortunately, she messed up royally and only turned the left dial off, which turned off the cold water.

If the water previously was pain, this is undoubtedly anguish in its purest form imaginable. The water is no longer water; it is napalm. The steam is no longer steam; it is white phosphorus.

Talons of pain, sharp as box cutters and scalpels, pierce her nerves and short-circuit them. She shouts as the water scolds her, quickly sparking up her magic and attempting to turn the napalm off. Only for her to fail spectacularly and literally tear the lower half of the wall out. The napalm is still flowing.

Curses! This bloody water must stop! She mentally shouts as she looks around for a way to stop it. Then it hits her; she can stop it by ripping out the nozzle! Genius!

She quickly grabs the nozzle and begins pulling. Her head is soaked in the napalm while her eyes are blindsided by the napalm scolding them. She grinds her teeth together like a grindstone and vehemently seethes. She pulls with all her might, and chunks of marble and debris fall out of the wall.

Then it comes off violently. Unfortunately, however, the momentum rips out not only the nozzle but the hose, and sends the poor princess flying through the glass door.

"Ahh!!" She screams as she smashes through the glass door.

She soars through the air, her heart nearly stops, and her wings instinctually try to flap. The sight would be comedic if she did not just polvult through an expensive glass door. Luna soon experiences a rough landing by utterly demolishing a small rosewood shelf.

Her head smacks against the marble floor, causing her to see stars momentarily as the shock of what happened runs her through the gutter. Eventually, though, she is brought back when the image of the shower hose spinning around like a helicopter catches her attention. That, and feeling the napalm soak her fur and continue its agonizing assault.

"Eugh! Doublin' heck!" She screams, bucking like a bronco and punching a hole through the wooden cabinet doors. The force of her kick leads to the bust containing her jewelry tumbling to the floor. "No!" She yells, and another jet of water silences her.

Her rage is at an all-time high at this point; she leans down and gets ready to charge in the shower. Usually, her brain would tell her that such a decision would be asinine. However, at the moment, her anger is clouding her train of thought.

"Rah!!" She roars, charging at the shower. Her heart is pumping; her vision is red like blood. Rage overcomes her soul, and she slips on a puddle of water and eats dust off the tile floor.

"Ugh..."

Eventually, though, she stands back up on her four legs. Battered and bruised, she may be, but her heart will not allow her to accept defeat. She lunges at the rubber hose, struggling with it as it writhes, spraying the firey liquid everywhere. After wrestling with the hose for a moment, she finally clamps her jaws down upon it, ending its dastardly reign of terror once more.

Now that she is finally at peace, she can get a good look at the damage she has done.

Half of the shower wall is missing; great. The bathroom floor can now fit the requirements to be called a sea (the Lunar Sea, perhaps). Amazing. Priceless jewelry tarnished with permanent damage. Good job, Luna. An entire shelf is now merely firewood, a giant hole kicked into the sink, and the glass door is in a trillion pieces.

Just fantastic, a hoot and a holler even.

In her moment of wonderment, as well as anxiety as to what her sister will say to this, she neglected to notice the metric ton of pressure in the rubber hose. The water has not stopped. It has merely built up. And, eventually, it will have to be released.

However, before she can release it, it decides to release itself.

Ka-Boom!

She falls onto the ground as the feeling of firey water covers her fur. Everything seems hazy and blurry...Her vision goes black, and tinnitus fills her ears.

"Ahem."

Her eyes shoot open like thunderbolts. She wakes up out of her slumber. Even under the daze of an explosion, she can recognize the voice of her fuming elder sister.

She quickly stumbles to her hooves, though she finds it difficult as the floor glistens with water. "Finding it difficult to stand, dear sister?" Celestia teases as Luna fumbles around on the wet floor like a newborn foal.

Eventually, though, she finds her footing and stands up to meet her sister. But she quickly regrets that as the utterly horrifying stare of an angry mare, much less older sister, fills the gap in her soul.

"Now, Luna," Celestia says calmly, deathly so. Luna shivers. "I want you to Enlighten me on the matter at hoof."

Luna shakily tries to step back into the shower, away from the glare of the fuming mare towering over her. Unfortunately, she bumps into a wall and stumbles to the floor as Celestia steps closer. Speaking of Celestia, rage has become a part of her, at least temporarily; you can tell from the near-deranged look in her eyes. She could make Betty Palmer shake in fright, even if it's Friday the Thirteenth.

"Sister," Celestia snarls like a bear and Luna whimpers. Suddenly, Luna is violently grabbed and hung in the air face to face with her glaring sister. Celestia opens her mouth...

The roar that was heard around the world comes out.

"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO THE BATHROOM!?"