An Unpleasant Reflection

by Tumbleweed

Rating: teen
Tags: Adventure, Equestria Girls, Flash Sentry, Twilight Sparkle, Violence, Alternate Universe, Narcotics, Carrot Top, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 6642

Flash Sentry, certified Hero of Equestria, not to mention self-confessed liar, coward, and all-around-scoundrel, finds himself facing ... himself?

Flash Sentry, certified Hero of Equestria, not to mention self-confessed liar, coward, and all-around-scoundrel, finds himself facing ... himself?

Yet another volume of the Flash Sentry Papers.

Written for Bicyclette's Flash Sentry Contest!

Published 2023-01-28 01:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2023-01-29 14:06:00 UTC

Chapter 1

In my long, undeserving, and otherwise “storied” career, I’ve faced (or, more accurately, fled in terror from) every sort of terrifying, pony-eatinghorror our surprisingly dangerous world has to offer. And yet, as I look back on my misbegotten life of cowardice, there’s one terror that stands out from them all, one thing that still, to this day, can send a chill down my spine.

A letter from Princess Twilight Sparkle.

It’s a different sort of horror, I should note. Receiving a letter from Princess Twilight isn’t the sort of thing to reduce a pony to screaming and panicked retreat, but rather, the arrival of a starched envelope sealed with a telltale seal in purple wax provokes a more anticipatory horror. Oh sure, Princess Twilight often means well, but that somehow makes the inevitable chaos that follows in her wake worse. Where most of the more overtly murderous creatures I’ve crossed over the years have long since been imprisoned, banished, or slain, Princess Twilight is still out there in her palace, just waiting to summon a certified Hero of Equestria out of retirement for one last, mad quest.

Of course, Carrot Top does not share my phobia of royal stationery. Then again, she’s not afraid of anything. Which has served her well in her career as Special Agent Golden Harvest, master of hoof to hoof combat. Then again, it’s easy to be fearless when you can clobber most anything smaller than a full grown dragon.

And the most damning thing of all is that I’ve been summoned so many times and subsequently sent off on so many life threatening fiascoes is that they all have blended together over the years. It’s to the point I can’t quite recall the exact circumstances of just when and how Carrot Top and I wound up at Princess Twilight’s Ponyville Palace on a pleasant and sunny summer morning.

“And you’re sure you don’t know what this is about?” I shifted my wings uneasily as I stared up at Princess Twilight’s castle.

“Nope.” Carrot Top said, and I even believed her. Mostly.

“Maybe it’s just a social call?” I clung to the optimistic prospect. “Admittedly, the letter was rather tersely worded for a social call. One doesn’t throw around terms like ‘as soon as possible’ and ‘of the utmost importance’ just for afternoon tea.”

“Rarity might, actually.” Carrot Top took a moment to adjust some of the braiding on my dress uniform (as of course I wore my dress uniform to see the Princess. Force of habit, I guess). “But I doubt this is a fashion emergency.”

“So it’s just a regular emergency, then?”

“Sentry.” Carrot Top put a hoof on my shoulder, both to reassure me and to keep me from bolting. “The borders are quiet, there aren’t any ancient evils about to wake anytime soon, and we’ve already survived this year’s Grand Galloping Gala. This is the quietest I’ve seen Equestria in years.”

“And that’s what’s got me worried. What if there’s something that even Special Agent Golden Harvest doesn’t know about? There’s always some sort of trouble brewing, it’s just a matter of where.”

“If it’s any consolation, somepony broke into the vaults at the Manehattan museum of art last week, so it’s not like things are completely quiet. But Manehattan’s a long way from Ponyville, and I understand they’ve already got Miss Maple on the case. Nothing to do with us.”

“Then what does Princess Twilight want with me?”

“Only one way to find out.” Carrot Top said, and knocked on the door.

Like I said, she’s not afraid of anything.

The door swung open, and sure enough, there was Princess Twilight Sparkle, smiling and purple. One would think she would have attendants to greet guests, or even that little dragonling of hers, but that whatever was happening was important enough for the Princess herself to meet us so soon wasn’t particularly encouraging.

“Flash! You made it! Please, come in!” Princess Twilight stepped out of the way, and I trotted into the foyer (after Carrot Top nudged me along, that is). “And-- oh, hi Carrot!”

“Hiya Twilight!” Carrot Top walked in beside me. “I hope I’m not imposing? I know the letter wasn’t for me, but since I was visiting Flash when it came in--”

“Oh, right.” Twilight’s wings unconsciously drooped just a fraction, showing Twilight’s disappointment at the fact that I was assuredly not single. “You and Flash are--”

“Close.” Carrot Top and I said, simultaneously. That single word was enough to convey the … unique relationship between Carrot and I without giving it a specific definition, which was how the both of us liked it.

“Right. Well, Carrot, you’re always welcome here, but, um-- I need Flash for something a little, uh, delicate?”

“Delicate?” Carrot Top said, voice breathy with surprise.

“Very!” said the Princess of Friendship. “Very delicate. Also strange? And, well, I don’t want to use the term ‘state secret,’ but, um-- it’s the sort of thing that you might not want to know about.”

“Oh my.” Carrot Top held a hoof to her mouth, shocked. “Will he-- will Flash be okay?” She even fluttered her eyelashes at me in quite a damselified manner.

“Absolutely! This won’t be dangerous at all!” Princess Twilight, of course, remained blithely unaware of how unnerving that statement could be. “I just need to introduce Flash to a … friend of mine.”

At that, Carrot Top raised an eyebrow.

“Some sort of diplomatic thing, then?” I bit back a wince.

“Not exactly?” Princess Twilight said. “It’ll be easier to introduce you. But my friend’s very shy, which is what makes things so--”

“Delicate.” Carrot Top said.

“Exactly!” Princess Twilight nodded. “I know it sounds weird, and that’s kind of because it is weird, but I’m not trying to exclude you or anything-- except I guess I am, and I feel really bad about it, and--”

“It’s okay!” Carrot Top said with a giggle. “I didn’t mean to impose. I’ll just go for a walk, maybe grab a bite to eat. Tell Twilight’s friend I said hi!” And with that, Carrot Top pulled me in for a hug which was justfirm enough to remind me that she could kick through cinderblocks. While she had me pulled in close, she tilted her head up to murmur into my ear. “Find out what the Princess is planning. I’ll scout the surrounding area, just in case.” Ever the professional, she was.

I could only nod.

And so, Carrot Top let me go, putting on her harmless mask once more as she bid her goodbyes and trotted out the door.

“Right!” Princess Twilight closed the palace door with a little push of magic. “Now then, Flash-- how much do you know about parallel dimensional theory?”

“Absolutely nothing.” I said. This was a mistake.

“Mmm, right.” Princess Twilight started walking deeper into her palace, beckoning me to follow. I complied, of course, and even kept my eyes off of the Princess’ admittedly impressive plumage. For the most part. “Let me give you a brief primer on the foundations of thauma-quantological mathemagic.”

And with that, the Princess of Friendship launched into a lengthy monologue of which I was lucky to understand one word in five. Now, I wouldn’t call myself a stupid pony (apart from all the damn-fool things I’ve done over the years), but I’ve always focused on the more important things. Which is to say, ladies, libations, and living well. As such, Princess Twilight’s prattling went way over my head, even before she started bandying about terms like “universal parallelism” or “entangled soulstate wavelengths.” Honestly, if it weren’t for Princess Twilight’s boundless enthusiasm and casual expertise, I would’ve thought she was making it up as she went along. Nonsense or no, I merely nodded in feigned understanding whenever she glanced back at me, until we finally arrived at a pair of tall, closed doors.

“Oh-kay!” Princess Twilight said. “Now that you’ve had time to get your head around the basic principles, what comes next shouldn’t be any surprise at all! So long as you’ve been paying attention that is.” And so help me, Princess Twilight winked, as if she were sharing some private joke.

Before I could ask any of the countless questions that came to mind, Princess Twilight threw the doors open with no small degree of showmareship. On the other side of the doors was the palace’s central meeting room, complete with the famed Cutie Map on the central round table, but what got my attention was the baffling figure standing on the opposite side.

“Flash Sentry,” said Princess Twilight. “I’d like you to meet … Flash Sentry.”

Chapter 2

My reaction was, in retrospect, predictable. Presented with the sight of my very own doppelganger, eerily close to the same reflection I saw in the mirror every morning, yet subtly different enough to be wrong, there was only one thing I could do.

Scream.

“Changeling!” I cried. Unfortunately, with Princess Twilight standing in the doorway, I couldn’t bolt out the way I came in, so I grabbed the nearest chair sitting around the Cutie Map and hurled it at the bug wearing my face. My counterpart let out a girlish shriek (at least the bloody Changeling had gotten that part right) and ducked out of the way as the chair smashed into the wall behind him. I beat my wings and lunged for the next chair. All I had to do was make enough noise and buy enough time for Carrot Top to show up and start dispensing Special Agent Golden Harvest brand beatings.

It was a good plan, except for the Princess hanging about.

“Flash, stop!” And before I could so much as beat my wings, I found myself trapped in a cocoon of glowing magic energy, barely able to breathe, much less chuck furniture about. Faintly, I registered the tingly haze around me as purple, not Changeling green. My mounting terror only grew as I realized that Princess Twilight must have been suborned, or mind controlled, or otherwise compromised. I would’ve screamed even louder then, except Princess Twilight’s potent magic kept my mouth locked shut. The Princess of Friendship trotted around in front of me, horn aglow.

“I know you’re just trying to protect me, but he’s not a Changeling.” Princess Twilight said. “Not to mention that the Changelings are our friends now, but given your service record, I can see why you’d be a bit … nervous. So now I’m going to put you down, and you’re not going to throw anything else, and we’ll all have a nice laugh about it later. Okay?”

I made a vaguely affirmative grunt.

“Good.” The purple aura around me snapped out of existence, and I flapped my wings for balance. By the time I got my hooves back under me again, Princess Twilight had trotted around to the other side of the table to comfort my doppelganger. “I’m sorry, Flash. Flash-- er, the other Flash has been through a lot, and this is probably quite a shock.”

“I’m okay.” The other-me said. His voice was surprisingly young-- and, once I had the chance to eyeball him properly, I realized the rest of him was just as youthful to match. Oh sure, the broad strokes were there; the square jaw, the lush mane, the broad wings, and all those other elements of my innate handsomeness that made me so popular with mares. But the clone-pony didn’t have a uniform decorated with medals, or a frame decorated with battle scars, or even the sharp, wary look in the eyes stemming from the traumatic collection of said medals and scars. It was me, but … younger. Softer. More innocent, even.

I didn’t like him.

“Now then, as I was saying--” Princess Twilight composed herself to conceal her annoyance. “Flash Sentry of Equestria, I’d like you to meet Flash Sentry of, um, Canterlot High.”

“Hi.” The other Flash raised a hoof in greeting. Unfortunately, I hadn’t hit my counterpart with the chair-- the color of his blood would have confirmed if he really were a Changeling or not. Princess Twilight swore he wasn’t a bug, so I was left to consider the other possibilities. The lad was too old to be some long-lost bastard I might’ve sired, though I supposed he might have been some sort of far-distant relation, the same kind of thing that’d gotten me into so much trouble in Perchertania some years prior.*

*See: The Prisoner of Zebra.

“Hello?” I offered, for lack of anything better to say.

“Now you can see why I said this was … delicate. It’s not every day that I bring over someone from the other side of the mirror portal. I’m sorry to spring this on you-- I really should have given you a better lecture on the principles behind all of this. I don’t suppose we could start over? I promise I’ll do better the second time. I’ll even make you a reading list.”

“Hold on,” said I. “What was that about a magic mirror?”

“Oh, so you did understand my lecture!” Princess Twilight perked up in academic enthusiasm. Naturally, I didn’t correct her, instead recalling a previous drunken misadventure.*

*See: Absinthe Makes the Heart Go Yonder.

“But yes, the mirror portal acts as a semi-permeable gateway through trans-dimensional N-space, and it acts as a morphological cipher, which is why Flash Sentry-- Flash Sentry of Canterlot High, that is –looks like a pony, and not a … well, you don’t know what a ‘human’ is, but think a hairless, bipedal ape.” Princess Twilight yammered on, having completely forgotten about my earlier outburst now that she got to lecture someone. Or perhaps that was just my punishment. “And! As it happens, a friend of mine told me Flash Sentry of Canterlot high was having a friendship problem, so I thought who would know Flash better than himself? Or, well, an alternate universe reflection of himself who’s slightly older due to chrono-flux misalignment, but still. You two might not exactly be the same, but you’re similar enough that I’m sure you can offer some valuable insights into Flash’s situation and help his journey of personal growth!”

“What she said.” Other-Flash raised a hoof again.

“This … is not what I expected when I received your letter.” I said.

“I know, I know.” Princess Twilight sighed, then affixed me with a pleading, wide-eyed look that might have been more convincing had she not effortlessly paralyzed me with her magic mere moments before. Princesses are dangerous, I tell you. “But please, Major Sentry-- please, Flash, can you help Flash out? You’re the only pony who can.”

“When you put it that way, I guess I don’t have any choice, do I?” I stood up a little straighter and smoothed out the rumples in my uniform, falling back to the ‘dutiful soldier’ mask that’d gotten me so many undeserved accolades. At least Princess Twilight wasn’t about to send me off to some miserable corner of Equestria again.

“Great!” Princess Twilight clapped her hooves together in girlish glee. “Okay, now that we’ve got the awkward introductions out of the way, I’ll leave you two to work out your problem in private. I don’t want to spoil the process by standing by and taking notes. Even if it would be super interesting to do a comparative study on--” she shook her head, dismissing the thought. “Nevermind. I’ll be in the library if you need anything. You two have fun!” At that, Princess Twilight trotted out of the room and shut the door behind her, leaving me alone with my younger counterpart.

We stared at each other for several long, silent moments, until I shrugged, and sat down in one of the chairs I hadn’t had the chance to throw. “I’d say this is the strangest thing that’s ever happened to me, but I’m afraid fate would take that as a challenge.”

“You’re telling me.” The faux-Flash said. “I’m still getting my head around, like, having four legs. And wings. And stuff. How’d you manage it when you went to my world?”

“You … know about that?” I said, very carefully.

“Kinda? Like, I wasn’t there, ‘cause I had the flu, but Sunset Shimmer just told me to tell everyone it was my identical cousin from Europe who showed up and got into all that trouble.”

“Does … Princess Twilight know about that?” I chanced a look at the door, in case the Princess of Friendship were to barge in again. Considering I hadn’t been arrested yet, I could only presume she remained ignorant of my myriad misdeeds.

“I don’t think so? Sunset Shimmer didn’t want to tell anybody about everything that happened, ‘cause she said it was embarrassing that she wasn’t able to handle it herself.” Other-Flash said.

“Fair.” I nodded. “But enough about me. I’m where I’m supposed to be. What’s so important that you’ve literally crossed into another dimension to talk to me?”

“Okay, like, so--” Duplicate-Flash stumbled over his thoughts and words without even the excuse of several empty winebottles. Which made me suddenly aware that Princess Twilight had neglected to provide appropriate refreshments. Which made me even more thirsty. Damn.

My counterpart went on. “Once I heard there was another me here, and that the other me, like … did stuff, I wanted to learn more about me, so I could like, do stuff.”

“Stuff.” I said.

“Yeah, that!” My copy nodded. “Like, look at you! You’ve got a cool uniform and a bunch of medals and Twilight-- this world’s Twilight, it’s complicated –thinks you’re neat. But, like, back in my world, I just play guitar and go to school and do football and, like, that’s it? And I know I’m not good enough at guitar to be a rock star, and I know I’m not big enough to play pro ball, so, like, what am I supposed to do with my life?”

“And you’re asking me.”

“Yeah!”

I groaned. “Lad, I’m … notably more seasoned than you are, but I still don’t know what I’m doing.”

“You don’t?”

“Of course not! How could I? Equestria’s a madhouse, surrounded by the sort of horrors that’d make you soil yourself. Don’t let the pleasant décor and all the talk of Friendship fool you. If anything all the pastels and engravings are a deliberate effort to distract everypony from the myriad array of terrors and calamities just waiting to sweep the whole nation into darkness. Again.”

“Whoa.” Other-Flash said. “But you, like, help people? Ponies? Whatever? Protect them from all the bad stuff?”

“I suppose?” I said.

“Then maybe I should do that.” My younger clone nodded with stomach-turning enthusiasm. “I could help people like you do!”

“What? No!” I blurted. “Haven’t you been listening? You’d be better off doing the exact opposite of everything I’ve done.”

“Why?” Other-Flash blinked at me with the perfect naivete of youth.

“Because I’m--” I bit the words back before I could incriminate myself. Further, at least. “Because-- look, lad. Have you ever killed anyone?” My counterpart’s eyes went wide. “To judge from your expression, I’ll take that as a ‘no.’ It’s not like I’m some kind of psychotic serial murderer, mind you, it’s just that … well, to spare you the messy details, but every time I’ve killed anything, it was them or me. I’m not sorry for what I did, but it would’ve been nice if I’d never been put in that situation to begin with, you know?”

“Whoa.” Phony-Flash said. “That’s … pretty heavy.”

“Damn right it is.” I rubbed at my face. “And I am entirely too sober for this sort of subject matter.” At that, inspiration struck. “So why don’t we go get a drink?”

Chapter 3

Sneaking out of Princess Twilight’s palace was easy enough. There were plenty of large windows set high up, perfect for letting sunlight in-- and errant pegasuses out.* It took the other-me a few tries to get the hang of his wings, but he managed a wobbly flightpath soon enough. And soon, the two of us were out and free in the Ponyville sky. I figured it’d be easier to slip out of the palace and drop into Ponyville’s singular drinking establishment than it would be to rummage through the whole of a Princess’ palace in search of the liquor cabinet.

*Once again, Sentry brings up an interesting historical feature without being aware of it. Namely, windows high enough and wide enough to allow easy passage to flying creatures was something of a feature of Harmony-era architecture, acting as an invitation for not only pegasus ponies, but also Griffons, Changelings, Hippogriffs, and even adolescent dragons. That Princess Twilight’s palace would have such a feature is indicative of her ongoing efforts to befriend creatures of all kinds.

“Stretch your wings out, lad.” I told my counterpart. “You’ll fly smoother that way. I don’t want anypony to see you, think you’re me, and then decide I’ve forgotten how to fly.”

“I’m trying!” Fake-Flash flapped his wings too hard. “This whole ‘flying’ thing is pretty new to me, you know?”

“Obviously.” I said. Thankfully, the tavern wasn’t far, and so we touched down a few minutes later. Counterfeit-Flash even managed not to fall on his face as he landed.

“So, like, this is a bar?” Faux-Flash said.

“Master of obvservation, I see.”

“I don’t think I’m old enough to go inside.”

“What? Of course you are. You’re me, after a fashion, and I can go in. Ipso facto, so can you.”

“Won’t, like, everybody think it’s weird that there’s two of you? Us? Me? Whatever?”

“I’ll just tell them you’re a distant relation or somesuch. Or maybe we’ll get lucky and everyone will already be soused enough to think they’re seeing double.” I gave the other-me a firm push, and we headed inside.

It was still relatively early, so there weren’t too many ponies in the pub. The ones that were didn’t bat an eye as they saw a pair of Flash Sentries enter. Compared to some of the things I’ve heard happen in Ponyville, the two of us were downright pedestrian. We claimed two stools at the far end of the bar, and I wasted little time in ordering a pair of ciders. Ponyville specialty, you know.

I drained half of the first one in a single gulp, letting the sweet and apple-y liquid do its work. Clone-Flash just stared at his, as if someone had dropped a live toad in his drink.*

*Which, incidentally, is a medicinal practice in certain regions that Sentry may have visited.

“Drink up, lad. It’s good for you. Or do they not have mugs where you come from?”

“I-- alright.” Faux-Flash picked up his mug with both front hooves and took a tentative sip. Immediately, his ears perked, and he looked down at his mug in wonder. “Whoa, that’s pretty tasty.”

“Would I lie to myself?” I said. Just showed the Other-Flash’s cluelessness that he believed me.

My counterpart nursed his drink, while I drained mine at a far healthier rate. The whole time, Store-Brand-Knockoff-Flash kept quiet, looking around with a bewildered look on his face. It wasn’t long before I couldn’t stand the silence myself, so I spoke up.

“So then, lad. Since you at least look like me, you’re pretty popular with the ladies, no?”

“Uh, I guess so?” Other-Flash said. “Like, uh-- I dated Sunset Shimmer for a bit, but I think she was only interested in me as part of her evil scheme to get popular and take over the school.”

I peered at my counterpart over the rim of my tankard. “Damnation, we might be more alike than I thought.”

“And then I went to a dance with Twilight, and that was fun, but then she had to leave, until she came back, and I thought we could be a thing again but it turns out that it was the other Twilight, and she wasn’t interested.”

“That tracks.” Princess Twilight, in whatever magical shenanigans she might get up to, would obviously have better sense to get involved with a whelp of a lad, even one lucky enough to be wearing my face.

“But then after that, I started dating Ditzy Do, so that’s a thing? But she’s so sweet and so nice that sometimes I wonder if she’s, like, too good for me?”

“She probably is.” I thumped my empty mug down and waved the bartender over for a refill.

“What?” False-Flash sputtered.

“I mean, if you’re thinking it, then it’s probably true. Happens to me all the time. I’m just so naturally handsome that mares of all sorts can’t help but fall head-over-hooves for me. Add in the uniform and the dashing scars, and it’s downright inevitable.”

“Oh … kay?”

The bartender switched my empty cider out for a full one, and I took another sip. “Look, lad. You should learn this early on. You’ve got two options. You could break it off with your Ditzy, and make it a point to be somewhere else until she stops crying and throwing things. I presume she doesn’t have any older brothers who’d want to avenge her sullied honor, at least? As if she does you might want to come back and visit this world for awhile.”

“And the other option?”

“You hold onto that girl for dear life, and hope she doesn’t come to her senses. That part’s harder.”

“Oh.” Other-Flash furrowed his brow and peered at me. “Do … you have a girlfriend?”

“Well, yes. Though ‘girlfriend’ is a rather pedestrian term to describe the particular nuances of my relationship with Carrot Top.”

“Her? Carrot Top, with the frizzy hair?”

“Well, not your Carrot Top, but her equivalent. She’s a perfectly lovely pony … most of the time. Lovely eyes. Hell of a dancer. And, you know, she’s got a rather athletic frame, if you get my drift.”

To judge by the look on my counterpart’s face, he certainly did not. And before I could elucidate further, a rather familiar voice cleared her throat behind me. Slowly, I turned on my barstool, and sure enough there was Carrot Top, in the flesh. I could tell it was ‘my’ Carrot by the annoyed look on her face.

“Sentry.” She craned her head to look past me, to my doppelganger. “What did you do?”

“For the record, none of this is my fault.”

Carrot Top arched a brow. “You always say that.”

“Because it’s always true! Or, well, almost always.”

“Um. Hi?” Faux-Flash waved a hoof at an attempt at politeness.

Carrot Top affixed her familiar, annoyed glare on me, and rubbed at the bridge of her nose. “We don’t have time for this, Sentry. Something’s happening.”

A tankard and a half’s worth of pleasant, cider-induced flush drained away in an instant. “Just what … kind of something?”

“It’s--” Carrot Top looked past me again, eyeing Fake-Flash. “Delicate.”

“Of course it is.” I steadied myself with a deep breath, and turned to face my counterpart. “Stay here. Enjoy your drink. Carrot Top and I are going to have a quick word, and we’ll be right back. So don’t go anywhere. Understand?”

“Uh, sure.”

“Good.”

With that, Carrot Top led me past the cozy bar, through a low ceilinged hallway, and into a crowded (but presumably secure) storage closet. The closet’s tight dimensions forced Carrot Top’s steely-thewed form against mine, which would have been far more pleasant in other circumstances.

At least the privacy allowed me to fill Carrot Top in on Princess Twilight’s mad “two Flashes” scheme. Once I finished a thorough explanation of how none of the current nonsense was any way my fault, Carrot Top just rolled her eyes.

“That’s the least we’ve got to worry about right now.”

“Of course it is.” I grumbled, and shifted my balance so my wings wouldn’t get tangled up in a shelf of cleaning equipment. “So what’s the trouble this time?”

“That theft in Manehattan? Cultists.”

“Oh hell.” My voice went dry. “What kind? Discord cultists? Sombra cultists? Tirek cultists?”

“Does it matter?”

“I suppose not.”

“Miss Maple wasn’t fast enough to catch them, but she figured out they were on a train to Ponyville, so she sent a telegram ahead. It’s up to us to intercept them before they can use their stolen artifact. I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re going to target Princess Twilight.”

“What did they steal? Some kind of weapon?”

“Something called the Vessel of Valor-- I’m not sure what it does, but if cultists want it, it can’t be good.”

“Right then.” I started forming a plan. “In that case, we’d better get back to the Palace so we can keep an eye on the Princess.” And then it would be a simple matter to keep the immeasurably powerful (if academically inclined) alicorn between Yours Truly and whatever today’s calamity was.

“That … might be the best option. Even if I call in a favor from Sweetie Drops, we wouldn’t be able to cover all of Ponyville. If you keep an eye on things inside the palace, and I’ll patrol outside, we might have a chance. Come on.” And with that, she opened up the closet door and the two of us tumbled into the hallway, dignity more or less intact (because nopony was there to see it). Carrot Top bustled out into the bar-- and stopped, suddenly enough that I bumped into her.

“Sentry.” Carrot Top said, very slowly. “Where did you go?”

“I’m--” I followed Carrot’s gaze over to the end of the bar, and a pair of decidedly empty barstools. “Oh.”

Chapter 4

“He had to pee,” said the bartender. Which led to Carrot Top and I posting up outside the door to the tavern’s single lavatory, waiting for my counterpart to exit.

Except he didn’t.

“Maybe the whole magic portal thing gave him indigestion?” I ventured after ten minutes or so.

“Maybe.” Carrot Top said. And, with the tact of the typical earth pony (which is to say, none), she banged a hoof on the rickety door. “Hey! Sentry! You alright in there!”

No answer came. Not a flush, or a dismayed protest, or even the organic sounds of gastronomical distress. Carrot Top frowned, then wasted little time in kicking the restroom’s door in, revealing the place to be decidedly empty, with a narrow window to the outside yawning decidedly open.

“Give me a boost, Sentry.” Carrot Top said, and soon enough I was hoisting her through the open window before I followed through myself. By the time I crawled out, Carrot Top already had her nose to the ground as she squinted at several sets of intertwined hoofprints in the dirt. Some old earth pony trick, no doubt.

“You must have scared him off.” I said. “I mean, crawling through the bathroom window is certainly something I’d do if it came to it.”

“Maybe. But you’d fly if you did.” Carrot Top said. “Look-- there are at least three, maybe four sizes of horseshoes here. The other Flash didn’t run, he was kidnapped.”

“By who?”

“I don’t know, but we’re going to find out.”

And that’s how Carrot Top and I wound up following those footprints into the Everfree Forest, because of course that’s where they went. Then again, it’s not like there was anyplace else near Ponyville that was suitable for nefarious deeds. Carrot Top plunged into the dense woods with her typical fearlessness, while I followed along with my typical knee-shaking fearfulness. It’s not as if I had any other option; returning to Princess Twilight’s palace without my counterpart would raise entirely too many questions.

After an hour and a half of bushwhacking, we found the cultists. You could tell they were cultists on account of the cloaks they wore, the ancient ruin they’d taken up in, and the fact that they had Fake-Flash gagged and chained to a weathered slab of granite. Terribly predictable, cultists.

“Behold!” the cultist with the fanciest cloak threw his hood back and held up a shining relic with both hooves. The old thing had the look of a shield-- though one far too small to be of any use hiding behind. “The Vessel of Valor! Now that it is in our possession, we can drain the courage of Equestria’s mightiest champions, then use their power to seize control of the realm! Mwa ha ha!”

The other cultists cackled in turn.

“I hadn’t thought we would be so lucky, to capture a vaunted Hero of Equestria so soon! And once we drain his courage, it’ll give us the power we need to conquer Twilight Sparkle herself! Mwa ha ha!”

More laughter. Though I couldn’t help but smile.

“Joke’s on them.” I muttered. “If they’re counting on a hero’s courage from me, they’ve got another thing coming.”

“They’re not counting on you, Sentry. They’re counting on him.” Carrot Top pointed to Faux-Flash, bound up on the altar. The cultist leader turned and held the Vessel of Valor above my counterpart’s chest, and the relic began to glow, drawing threads of golden magic straight out of my doppelganger.

Drinking up all the fearless bravado of an idiot teenager.

“Follow my lead.” Carrot said, and leaped into action.

The cultists had Carrot Top outnumbered a dozen to one, and on top of that, several of the ponies pulled wicked looking knives and sickles from beneath their cloaks once they saw her spring into the clearing.

They didn’t have a chance.

The beating was a classic showing from Special Agent Golden Harvest, which is to say, thorough and efficient. There was hardly a wasted moment as Carrot Top went from one cultist to the next, twisting limbs, breaking bones, and otherwise proving herself a terror, each blow backed up by long trained skill and corded earth pony muscle. She sprung for the cultist leader and bounced his head off the side of the ancient altar, and the Vessel of Valor fell to the ground and stopped glowing.

Meanwhile, I slunk around the edge of the fray and scooped up a discarded dagger, which I used to cut my counterpart free. He goggled up at me, then spit the gag from his mouth.

“Your Carrot Top knows kung fu?” he said, watching Carrot Top dismantle his captors.

“Yours doesn’t?”

The rest was cleanup.

Carrot Top tied up the unconscious cultists, and then rubbed her chin as she looked them over. “I guess I’ll stay here and keep an eye on them until a relief party comes. You two go back to Ponyville and sort the rest out.”

“You think they’ll escape?” I said.

“Not likely. But I’d rather not them get eaten by some monster before we can interrogate them, see if there are more cultists lurking somewhere.”

“What about this thing?” Faux-Flash poked the Vessel of Valor, wary.

“We’ll give it to Princess Twilight, and she’ll find someplace safe to put it. That’s usually the best way to deal with these weird magic artifacts.”

“Wait, so you’ve done this before?” Other-Flash stared at me.

“Several times. Which is why you should let me do the talking.”

Princess Twilight was quite shocked to discover my counterpart and I had slipped out of her Palace without her knowledge, but any indignation she had was quickly forgotten once we presented her with the Vessel of Valor, as well as a well-prepared story about how the two of us had gone out to see the sights of Ponyville, only to charge off heroically after some suspicious looking characters slinking into the Everfree forest. Said suspicious characters had tried to drain our heroism with that relic, but they weren’t a match one Hero of Equestria, much less two.

Classy Flashy balderdash, tinged with just enough truth to make it believable. I’d convinced my counterpart to go along with it, since otherwise the alternative would be to explain to Princess Twilight how he’d been abducted from a tavern bathroom.

Explanations made and accolades given, it was finally time for Other-Flash to go home. We all gathered in front of that damned mirror portal to bid him goodbye, with the appropriate hugs and well-wishing and what have you.

“Thanks, Flash. I’ve learned a lot today.” And from the guileless earnestness of his voice, Fake-Flash meant it, too. “And thanks to everything you’ve taught me, this essay is totally going to get me an A!”

I blinked. “Wait, what?”

“I mean, I can’t really write about, like, the pony world and stuff, but this has given me a lot of perspective on my own life, so I can totally write about my personal goals for the next five years! Mister Bookbinder’s gonna love this.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t think I heard you correctly. Are you implying that you harnessed a magical portal and traveled to another dimension in order to do your homework?”

“He did!” Princess Twilight chimed in, proudly. “It’s rare to find such devotion to academic excellence these days.”

The corner of my eye began to twitch.

Thankfully, before I could throttle my counterpart, he finished his goodbyes and disappeared through the mirror. Good riddance.

I made my own farewells as soon as politeness allowed, and headed out of Princess Twilight’s palace. Carrot Top soon joined me, emerging from wherever she’d been lurking to fall into step at my side.

“You alright, Sentry?” she asked.

“Of course I am. You’re the one who did most of the work fighting those cultists, anyway.”

“Not that.” Carrot Top said. “I can’t imagine it was easy meeting … yourself.”

“That wasn’t me.” My answer was quick. Vehement. “Just a pony that looked like me. Though technically he wasn’t even really a pony. I think.”

“You didn’t like him.” Carrot Top said. It wasn’t a question.

“Why would I?” I said. “The lad’s an idiot who doesn’t even know what kind of trouble he’s going to get into. He’ll likely get himself killed doing something stupid, and then they’ll probably put up a statue of him after the fact.”

Carrot Top mulled over the question for a moment, then closed her eyes as she leaned against my side. “Well, Sentry. I just want you to know that I still like you. Even if … “ she trailed off, then shook her head. “Nevermind. Just remember, I like this Flash Sentry a lot better too.” She nuzzled upwards and kissed me on the cheek.

“I should hope so.” I said.

“Now come on. Applejack owes me a jug of brandy, and I figure this is a perfect time to collect.”

“Why darling, you really do love me.”

Some Notes on the Text

I owe my readership an apology.

While I hesitate to call my ongoing efforts to collate Flash Sentry’s memoirs my “life’s work,” it has proven an even more substantial undertaking than I had originally anticipated. Most notably, I have run into certain difficulties in tracking down certain documentation of Sentry’s exploits in Yakyakistan that have delayed the publication of the conclusion to that story.

But, whenever I think of my audience, which may be small in number but impeccable of taste, I regret making you wait so long. And so, with this in mind, I have decided to publish this shorter (and stranger) excerpt from the Flash Sentry Papers as a stop gap measure until I am able to secure certain documents from Yakyakistan. I can only hope this will temporarily placate my most devoted readers, numerous as they are in the dozens.

Given the candid and confessional nature of Sentry’s writing, I have no reason to doubt the veracity of this particular adventure, but I shall leave the final verdict to my audience. As always, I shall provide commentary and context as the need arises.

-George Macintosh Fresian