The Hippogriff Origin Scandal: No Longer a Princess
Twilight's Fifteen Minute Sabbatical
Inside the School of Friendship's faculty lounge, Twilight sat at the head of the table, speaking to her five best friends (and also Trixie.)
Twilight announced, "Professors at REAL institutes of higher learning take sabbaticals."
"What's a sabbatical?" Rainbow Dash asked.
"A sabbatical is a sort of vacation from your job, so you can do extra research and get a bit of rest. I think WE should take sabbaticals too." Twilight pursed her lips. "But we're already behind schedule on our regular work, so I think our first sabbatical will have to be...short."
"How short?" Rainbow asked.
"Um...about fifteen or twenty minutes?" Twilight said. "But we HAVE to do a sabbatical, or we could lose our accreditation with the Equestrian Board of Colleges."
"Suppose we DID lose our accrediation," Rarity said. "What would that mean, in practical terms?"
"If a student wants to continue their studies at another college after the School of Friendship, none of their credits would transfer. They might have to take the same classes all over again."
"That does sound like a waste," Applejack said.
"And BORING!" Rainbow added.
"NOW I get it!" Pinkie squealed. "What you're saying is...losing our accreditation would be like the School of Friendship getting demoted to a magic kindergarten! And all our students getting sent back too!"
Twilight started visibly sweating. "Something like that." She wiped her face with one foreleg. "I guess I never thought of it that way before."
"But for our sabbatical..what kind of research project can we do in only fifteen or twenty minutes?" Fluttershy asked.
"That does sound kind of impossible," Applejack agreed.
Twilight grinned. "Don't worry! I found a way to...cut corners and still be kind of honest!" She held up a bottle of milky liquid. "I saved a little of this special potion Zecora gave me a few seasons ago. All I have to do is drink this, and I can have a vision of the past."
"Ooh!" Pinkie enthused. "Faculty drug taking party!"
"I'm sorry, Pinkie. I only have enough elixir for myself. But don't worry, the rest of you can be the control group, and take notes."
Pinkie sighed.
"Get your quills and notebooks!" Twilight said. "Everycreature ready?"
The other ponies who had recently been appointed 'professors of friendship' nodded.
"Here I go!" Twilight levitated the bottle towards her lips.
"But Twilight?" Rarity asked. "What are you doing research ON?"
At that moment, Silverstream walked into the faculty lounge.
"Professors?" she said. "I took a DNA test at Ponyville Hospital, and the results just came back 'Error! What the buck even IS this?"
Twilight looked at a clock, seeing she had only nineteen minutes left for her research sabbatical. She gestured at Silverstream. "That! Where did hippogriffs come from, anyway, and why are they so weird?"
***
Twilight stood beside a village, in Old Equestria. She could tell it was long ago, because of how the ponies talked, saying 'ye' instead of 'the.'
That, and they sounded kind of like Luna, or Pinkie Pie's parents.
"Daughter!" said a gray unicorn with a purple and white striped mane. "Goest thou to meet with thine suitor?"
"Yea, verily!" said a purple unicorn, whose mane and tail were mostly dark, with a pink and magenta stripe. "He awaiteth me by the village's scenic overlook."
"See thou later!" the unicorn said, waving goodbye with one forehoof.
Twilight said, "I see a village of the past, where ponies talk Old Ponish. And a unicorn who says she's on her way to meet her suitor. Something about that purple unicorn seems familiar, but I can't put my hoof on it."
The past unicorn walked out of the village and through a meadow, as Twilight followed.
The unicorn reached the edge of a forest, and stopped next to a huge boulder. She looked down the hillside, at a wide valley. "Where is my suitor? He saideth he would meet me here, but I see him not."
"Don't worry," Twilight said. "I'm sure he'll be along in a minute or two." But because this was a vision, not time travel, the past unicorn couldn't hear.
Five minutes later, the unicorn looked up at the sky, with its fluffy clouds and flying creatures. "Pegasus. Pegasus. Another pegasus. But my suitor arriveth not."
She sighed. "If only pegasi in the day sky were falling stars, I could make wishes upon them." She pulled a pitch pipe out of her saddlebag, put it to her lips, and blew. She sang,
"If pegasi
in the day sky
were falling stars
I could make a wish
I would make a wish
On a crashing pegasus."
To spare her own ears, Twilight backed away from the wailing pastpony. She backed so far away, she went more than halfway around the huge boulder, and she saw a blue jay six feet tall.
"What? That can't be real. Pinkie was right. This IS a faculty drug taking party."
The blue jay put both wingtips over his beak, and started beat boxing. "Ka PSSSH ba ba PFFT ka ka PSSSH ba ba FFRT ta FFRRT FFRRTT!"
Twilight shook her head. "I don't know which is worse. Is that giant bird really the unicorn's suitor? Is it even possible?"
The bird put one wingtip under its other wing, and pumped its wings to make loud, rhythmic farting noises.
"No!" Twilight said. "No unicorn could fall in love with THAT."
"Hark!" the unicorn on the other side of the rock said. "I hear him calling me! My special somebird! My heart's desire! My Mordecai!" She came trotting around the boulder, and tackled the six foot bird, showering him with kisses.
"I guess it IS possible?" Twilight said. She watched as the demonstration of affection became ever more demonstrative and affectionate.
"Well," Twilight said. "I guess now I know where hippogriffs came from. A pony had...very strong feelings about a six foot bird. I even know why Silverstream's mane and tail are those specific shades of blue."
The scene dissolved before Twilight's eyes, and she was back in the faculty lounge. "So...did you get all that? Could you hear what I was saying?"
"Yes." Rarity smiled. "How romantic."
"Wow!" Silverstream jumped up and down with excitement. "This is so wonderful! If hippogriffs are descended from both unicorns and blue jays, that means you and I could be related! You could be my great great aunt many times removed!"
"Um," Twilight said.
The faculty lounge door burst open again.
Twilight rolled her eyes. "Why do creatures keep interrupting my important research?"
Princess Celestia stood in the doorway. "Twilight Sparkle. I have important news. There's been a terrible mistake, and I'm so very sorry."
"What is it?" Twilight grumbled.
Celestia's magical aura reached out and pulled the crown off Twilight's head. "I'm afraid you aren't really an alicorn at all. I had Ponyville General Hospital test the DNA from the hair and feathers you left in your shower, and it turns out you're just part bird. When we THOUGHT you turned into an alicorn, that was just your regular old bird wings finally growing in."
"What."
"I didn't believe it either, at first," Spike said, holding a sheaf of papers in his claws. "But the genetic test results are pretty clear. Also, now that you aren't a princess anymore, Celestia says I get to have your bedroom in the castle."
Celestia shook her head sadly. "I'm sorry, my little pony. But...you aren't really a princess. You never were. It was all a tragic misunderstanding."
"But...the coronation...the big parade in Canterlot..."
"Yes, those big, elaborate, expensive events to celebrate something that wasn't real at all." Celestia gestured at Spike's sheaf of papers. "Since your princesshood was fake, you'll be billed for the cost of those. Don't worry, there's a very reasonable payment plan. And since mere unicorns don't live all that long anyway, you won't even have to pay most of the cost. You'll be dead before your librarian salary adds up to even a small fraction of the debt."
Twilight said, "Wow. A silver lining."
"Well," Applejack said. "Ain't this a disappointment. Ah know Ah'm sure surprised. Well, MOSTLY surprised. This does explain why even after we thought she'd turned into an alicorn, Twilight's earth pony magic and plant growin' skills STILL never added up to beans." She nodded. "Yep, this news really does make sense."
Twilight sighed. "Can I at least talk to Luna about this?"
"Whatever for?" Celestia asked.
"I want some tips on how to go Nightmare Whatever."
