Hay Burger

by SparkapocalypseVanguard

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Maud Pie, Pinkie Pie, Twilight Sparkle, Slice of Life
Length: 1176

Watching your health is a big deal in Ponyville...

Twilight Sparkle wants a burger. So does Rainbow Dash. And they were lesbians. Except it was all a story written by Maud. But they're still lesbians.

Trigger Warning: Contains lesbians (don't read if you're homophobic)

Published 2023-02-03 00:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2023-02-03 00:00:01 UTC

Don't Burger Open Inside

The sun rose over the rolling hills, bathing the quaint Equestrian countryside village in a warm golden glow. The air was filled with the sweet scent of blooming flowers and the melodic chirping of birds. The sky was a brilliant shade of blue, not a single cloud in sight, as if nature itself had come together to paint a masterpiece. The fields were dotted with wildflowers in hues of pink, purple, and yellow, swaying gently in the breeze. The birds danced from tree to tree, their joyful songs ringing out in the stillness of the morning. The thatched roof cottages and quaint little shops were the epitome of rural charm, and it was hard to imagine a more perfect place to be. As the day progressed, the sun climbed higher in the sky, casting a warm embrace over everything it touched. Happy little ponies went about their business, smiling and nodding to each other in a friendly greeting, and everything just seemed right with the world. This was a day to be treasured, a day to be savoured, a day to be remembered forever.

Rainbow Dash was a Pegasus pony who lived in Equestria, a land filled with magic and wonder. She was known for her lightning-fast speed and her love of adventure. And her big heart. And her gorgeous lesbian wife.

Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash were cuddling on the couch, tails wrapped around one another, Twilight's larger wings wrapped around the smaller pony like a filly swaddled by a blanket, when the winged lavender Unicorn had an idea. “Rainbow Dash, what do you think about ordering hay burgers today?”

“Sounds great to me, Twiggles! I could really go for a nice juicy burger right now, and some crispy, juicy, delicious, tender hay fries.”

Twilight Sparkle nuzzled her lesbian wife. “I was actually thinking about ordering hay burgers without hay fries. What do you think?”

“Are you kidding me? Hay fries are a must with hay burgers! They add an extra crunch and a spicy flavor that can't be beat. You know, Twilight... Somethin' dawned on me when I was on my own. Any food you make tastes better when using good ingredients, right? Then, if you take something already delicious like Hay Fries and add in the freshest ingredients, what do you get? The ultimate flavor experience! So I ask you, what's your favourite ingredient?”

“The knowledge that I'm putting something healthy into my body, and so is the mare I love.”

“Oh, come on, Twilight! A few fries aren't going to ruin my body or my epic racing career! They're not magic! Even though they do sorta taste kinda magical...”

“I see your point, but I was also thinking about our health. Don't you think it might be better to skip the fries and opt for a healthier side dish like a salad?”

“Salad? No way, that's just boring. Hay fries are the most important part of any burger!”

“Hay fries aren't even part of the burger! They're a side dish!”

“Don't you try to confuse me with your fancy talking! I know what I said. Hay fries are the best, especially with Chili. You can't have a hay burger without them!”

Twilight Sparkle hummed. “I understand where you're coming from, but I also believe it's important to consider the long-term impact on our health. Eating too many fried foods can lead to health problems like obesity and high cholesterol. Do you want to end up morbidly obese like Anonymous's mother?”

Rainbow Dash laughed. “I don't think it's equinely possible for a pony to get that fat. Don't worry, Twilight, we can enjoy it in... what's that dumb fancy word for not doing something much? It starts with M.”

“Moderation?”

“Yeah, that. We can still enjoy hay fries while being mindful of how much we eat. Plus, we can always fly a few extra laps to burn off any extra calories.”

“That's a good point, Rainbow Dash. But, don't you think it would be better to choose a healthier option in the first place? It's always better to prevent health problems before they occur.”

“I see your point, Twilight, but hay fries are just too good to pass up. I've stuck to my diet all month, and I think I've earned a little indulgence here and there. And, I don't think a small serving of fries every now and then will cause any major health problems.”

“That's a valid argument, Rainbow Dash. But, I think we should consider the fact that fries are a processed food and not as nutritious as other options.”

“I understand where you're coming from, Twilight, but I think finding a balance between healthy and unhealthy options is important. We can have fries sometimes and choose healthier options other times.”

“What a great idea, Rainbow Dash! I could write a letter to Celestia about this.”

Rainbow Dash looked gorgeous, as always, but also confused, which she also often did. “I thought we did that a lot less frequently these days. Or stopped completely.”

“Canon's a dirty word when it comes to what did or didn't happen. Remember all those times my status as an Alicorn Princess should have mattered to ponies, but didn't?”
“Oh, right. I forgot we live in a dimension where time is as subjective as matter, hence why thought can override that matter to produce magic.”

“When did you learn about magic?”

“I absorbed it while flying.”

“Oh, right, I forgot you can do that.” Twilight laughed. “It's all about finding the right balance and making informed choices. Maybe we can split the difference and order hay burgers, a salad, and a small serving of spicy Chili hay fries to share. That way, we can both enjoy the flavour while still being mindful of our health.”

“I like that idea, Twilight. Sharing the hay fries will make the meal more fun and we can try each other's burgers too.”

“You know what else I want to try?” Twilight kissed Rainbow on the cheek.

“Yes?” Rainbow Dash asked eagerly, tail wagging, wings extended.

“A hay burger from a place we've never tried before.”

“Oh.” Rainbow looked disappointed. But perked up anyway. “Alright.”

And so, they ate.

Dear Princess Celestia...

Today I learned whether to order hay burgers with or without hay fries is a matter of personal preference and balancing taste with health considerations. Watching your health is super important, and if you eat right, you won't end up fatter than Anonymous's mother! Ultimately, it's up to each individual to decide what works best for them. But, by discussing the matter and considering different perspectives, we can make informed decisions that will benefit both our taste buds and our health.

“So, what did you think of Maud's story?” Pinkie Pie danced around Twilight Sparkle and literally bounced off the walls while waiting for Twilight Sparkle's verdict.

Twilight wasn't certain what to say.

Rainbow Dash opened her mouth wide to tell everypony exactly what she thought of Maud's story, and Twilight cringed.