i'm not yours and you're not mine
I'm not yours, and you're not mine
But we can sit and pass the time
No fighting wars, no ringing chimes
We're just feeling fine
I.
It was a fact unsaid that Fluttershy and Rarity were the best of friends.
Wherever they went, they usually went together, coordinating their busy schedules to match their free time.
Fluttershy liked this. She always enjoyed Rarity's company, right from the start when the unicorn was her only friend, to even now when she had many other friends but still quietly preferred the unicorn above all else.
She didn't feel like that with anypony else. Sometimes, when she was at home, she thought more about what that meant. What it implied, about her, and her relationship with Rarity.
One day, she might do more than just think about it. But for now, she was happy to sit with Rarity and pass the time.
II.
Rarity'd had partners before.
Ponies she loved and who'd loved her in return, and whom Fluttershy had met each and every single time. It was hard every time, in truth. Hard because it forced her to confront her unspoken feelings for the unicorn, but also because…
It showed her how different she was from them.
All these ponies that Rarity had said yes to were ponies who had no qualms shouting it to the skies with love confessions that practically all of Ponyville participated in—whether they wanted to or not.
One had hired pegasi to write it in the skies, another had hired an entire band to tell her in song, and the list went on and on.
Fluttershy couldn't do that for Rarity. She just couldn't. It wasn't her. She thought about it, and the thought of having her intimate life Seen so publicly was enough to make her sick.
But that was okay. Though Rarity loved her, she did not love her like that, so there was no reason to worry or concern herself with the impossible.
Everything was fine.
III.
They lay by a tree once, the two of them covered with a little blanket Fluttershy had brought.
It wasn't unusual for the two of them to be snuggled together, even if it was unusual for Fluttershy. She still struggled with physical affection, but when it came to Rarity, being so close to her gave the pegasus mental clarity like no other.
It was just nice. It was right, if she was even allowed to think such a thing. That Rarity softly humming a song as she affectionately stroked Fluttershy's mane was right, and good, and what was supposed to happen.
"Hearts and Hooves' is coming up soon," Fluttershy noted. She didn't know exactly why. Her thoughts were always drifting toward romantic things when Rarity was around.
"So it is," Rarity replied, snuggling up against her friend. "It'll be almost one year since You-Know-Who broke up with me."
"Does it still hurt?"
Rarity kept her humming, but slower while she thought. Eventually, she said, "No. I thought it would, but I've found other things to love instead."
Fluttershy's heart soared. If only she dared ask.
"So, everything is fine?" she said instead, and felt content when Rarity replied, "My darling, everything is more than fine."
IV.
When Fluttershy was a filly, an ill-guided adult attempting to help once told her no one would like her for long if she kept being so quiet and shy. Not just others looking for friendship, but others looking for somepony to love, as well.
It took her a while, but she eventually understood what they'd meant. No one really liked a doormat or wallflower, existing without existing, there but not.
Time had proven the adult wrong, at least where friends were concerned. Sure, she wasn't the doormat she was years ago, when Twilight saying hello to her resulted in her barely being able to speak, but she was still shy. Gentle, and reserved, outspoken only when highly necessary, and yet despite all this, she still had plenty of friends.
Somepony once asked her if she loved someone. It was at a party where couples in love danced foreleg in foreleg while Fluttershy stood with Rarity alongside other singles.
When they'd popped the question, she was so taken aback (and a little drunk) that she couldn't help but answer truthfully:
"Oh, yes."
Panic immediately beset her, especially so when the others gasped and giggled. She couldn't bare to look at Rarity. Mind, this wasn't because Rarity was the object of her affection, but more because she'd never expressed to her Best Friend that she liked someone, let alone loved them.
What if she felt betrayed?
But a quick glance at her revealed… she wasn't surprised like the others. She was simply smiling affectionately. It was like she knew, and though the thought was initially comforting, it quickly became terrifying. Did she know? Oh no. Oh no, no, no.
"Why haven't you told them?" asked another mare, swishing her drink in her glass and snapping the pegasus from her anxiety-riddled thoughts.
Fluttershy forced herself to look at anypony but Rarity as she spoke words she did not know she had the fortitude to speak:
"Oh. I don't know. I certainly wouldn't want to put them in an uncomfortable situation if they don't love me back."
"My darling."
The entire world screeched to a stop and then began again at a thousand miles per hour when Fluttershy looked at Rarity and found her smiling lovingly.
"I know it's frightening, but… some things are worth taking the risk for, don't you think?" she said gently, every measured word matching Fluttershy's pounding heartbeats. "You might find they love you back."
V.
As hard as it was to believe, there was a chance larger than large that Rarity might and in fact did love her back.
She had practically said it, hadn't she? And ever since then, she'd been much more affectionate and gentle and physical every time they were together. Softer and longer hugs, more idle touches, more affection than Fluttershy even knew she could give.
And yet, Rarity hadn't said anything.
She wants me to do it, Fluttershy thought.
And if history had taught her anything, it was that courting and confessing to Rarity meant she had to go Big. Bigger than big, more showy than she thought she would ever feel comfortable being.
But that was what love was about, and certainly, it was what loving Rarity demanded, so…
On with the show.
VI.
The event took place in one of the most high-end restaurants Canterlot had with a name in a foreign language even she could barely pronounce. A place sought after by the elite of the city, and which Fluttershy had been able to almost entirely book out with the help of her Element of Harmony status and a whole lot of her savings.
It would be a party, she'd decided. A party that everypony would attend to celebrate Rarity and her many achievements, with live music and Fluttershy singing and dancing and giving speeches, culminating in a grand dating proposal from Fluttershy to Rarity, front and center. All of the other girls would be there, too, of course, and they were all excited and thrilled to be part of the surprise.
The only one to have had reservations was Applejack, asking here and there with a frown: "Sugarcube, are you mighty sure about all this?"
"I am," Fluttershy replied every time, for once confident.
…Confidence, however, that began to falter on the day of the event.
She felt sick to her stomach the day before, the night before, and even the morning before, her chest complaining with great, stinging pain.
But she pushed through. She had to, for Rarity.
She smiled through it all—the guests she had to greet, the speeches she gave, and the singing and the dancing and all of it that made her want to scream in anxiety.
Rarity, thankfully, seemed to be having a wonderful time. Maybe. She was delighted by seeing her friends, she danced, and she ate, and she seemed to be really having the time of her life.
And yet, Fluttershy knew something was a little bit off because every time they had a moment alone—which was not a lot—Rarity would gently ask:
"Darling, is everything alright?"
"Yes, of course," she'd reply, and only then would briefly show her anxiety: "Are you not having a good time?"
"No, no, I am!" Rarity would reply. "Wonderful! I'm just… Are you having a good time? Because this is all…" She drifted away, concerned.
"I am!" Fluttershy would reply, as loving as she could be despite wanting to throw up at the thought of the solo she'd have to sing in a dozen minutes. "I'm just happy you're happy."
It also helped that it would soon be over. All that was left was the confession, after all.
It took place right after the four-string quartet played a selection of Rarity's favorite songs. Fluttershy took the stage, the center of attention of over a dozen eyes, and then called for Rarity to join her. Sure, this wasn't perhaps as loud and huge as the ex-boyfriend who'd confessed via skywriting and jumbotrons all over Ponyville, but… hopefully, it would be enough.
Rarity stepped onto the stage, and rather than be delighted, not for the first time Fluttershy saw apprehension marring her face. And not a quick one, but a dawning one that grew with every step she took and every note of the music that turned romantic.
But Fluttershy pushed on. She had to! She had come this far, literally done things that terrified her, and she couldn't back down now. If there was ever a time to be loud rather than quiet, this was it. As Rarity herself had said, some things were worth the risk.
As the musicians finished their previous song and transitioned to the next, Fluttershy forced her way through a grand confession. She stammered a few times, sure, and she still felt sick, but she spoke with as much conviction as she could.
"Rarity," she said at the end of it all, almost trembling, "would you like to be my special somepony?"
"Darling!" Rarity exclaimed, a hoof on her heart. She looked around, at everypony, at the musicians, and then at Fluttershy, and there were tears in her eyes. "Goodness, I—! I don't even know what to say! I—! Wow!"
Rarity gently moved forward and embraced Fluttershy before everypony, to apparent great cheer. The sounds of celebration drowned everything out save for Fluttershy's pounding heart, and the quiet coming from Rarity, whose embrace was tight. Very, very tight.
The celebration continued with great fanfare, except for Fluttershy who fell quiet as she followed Rarity around. Nopony had noticed, had they? They all danced and laughed and drank, and the only ponies besides her who'd noticed were the rest of the girls—because of course they'd notice—the four of them sitting by the side with strained smiles.
The night went on until one by one, all the guests left. Eventually, when Rarity and Fluttershy were alone like they often were when all was right, Fluttershy quietly stated:
"You didn't say yes."
And Rarity, gentle but firmer than ever, replied: "No. No, I did not."
Fluttershy felt sick. Or, well, she would have felt sick if she hadn't already felt sick most of the day. Now, she just felt numb. So tired and numb that her actual devastation felt more like a muted, resigned sadness.
"I'm sorry," Fluttershy said, and only then did tears fill her eyes. "I… I misunderstood and thought you… you…” She couldn't bear to say it.
"Loved you?" Rarity asked with a sharpness that cut. But then her tone softened. "I do love you, Fluttershy."
Fluttershy looked at her. "But… But you didn't—"
"Did you enjoy any of this?" Rarity cut off, and the sharpness returned, slicing like a knife. She gestured to it all, to the grand restaurant, to the stage Fluttershy had spent most of the day on. "And don't you dare lie to me, Fluttershy."
A moment passed, and Fluttershy covered her face with her hooves.
"No," she confessed, horrified. "Oh, it was awful. I've felt so ill all day, and having to talk to so many ponies, and singing in front of everypony, and—"
"Then why did you do this?" Rarity asked next, and the sharpness had been replaced not with anger or chastizing but with… honestly, almost with fear.
Fluttershy took her hooves off and looked at her. "Because I thought you'd want me to do this."
Now it was Rarity's eyes that filled with tears. "Darling. No." She stumbled on her words, distraught. "I saw you all night. You looked in pain! Why would I want this?! All I've done this night is watch as you put yourself through an awful situation for me. If that's what's going to happen if we're dating, then I can't say yes to you because I can't bear seeing you like that!"
Fluttershy's eyes filled up again. "I… But…”
"This was a wonderful party, Fluttershy. Thank you," Rarity continued, the love in her voice as cutting as the pain, "but I want to be with you. Not with your idea of what I want you to be."
During the following days, nopony asked Fluttershy about the party or her nonexistent new relationship. This was wonderful, for her, of course. She didn't want to be asked about it, and she was grateful nopony besides her friends honestly cared enough about her to inquire about it—which was a good thing, truly! If that awful party had done anything for her, it made her appreciate her simple, private life so, so much more.
Besides, she had other better things to do like finish enjoying the picnic she was having with Rarity. The party hadn't changed their relationship, thankfully. Nothing could. As everypony knew, it was an unspoken fact that they were the best of friends, through thick and thin.
They were enjoying the picnic in their favorite spot in the meadow near the cottage, right by a little broken tree that both were working on bringing back to life. It had been their project for a few months now, using magic fertilizer and love, and it was fitting that the tree had a single new green leaf that day.
After they'd finished the picnic, the two mares contented themselves with lying together, Rarity lazily brushing her hoof through Fluttershy's mane.
Everything felt right, quiet but meaningful as it should be and always was.
"Rarity, would you like to be my special somepony?" she asked for the second time that week, now that the time was and felt right. Now that she was herself and nopony but herself.
Rarity snuggled up to her again, nuzzling the pegasus with a blissful, happy smile, finally able to say what they both wanted her to say.
"Oh, my dearest, yes. Forever and ever."
Author's Note
Commission for the ever wonderful Jay!
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