A show with an explosive finish(get your minds out of the gutter you perverts)
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A show with an explosive finish(get your minds out of the gutter you perverts)
Twilight Sparkle, the Princess of Friendship and Magic was perusing her library for something to read. She opted to pull a book titled Sapient creatures of Equestria and beyond volume 1 from the shelf. The book had recently been written by a group of professors from the Canterlot University xeno-cultural department, with notes generously donated by Twilight herself and her friends that had been written down during their forays into the other cultures. Sitting in her favorite comfy reading chair, she cracked the book open.
Inside the book contained in-depth commentary on the social traditions and practices of the various sapient creatures of the world. The various chapters on the cultures of the various nations, which included the courtship and mating rituals that the various creatures engaged in. Twilight quickly flipped over the courtship and mating rituals of the Equestrian ponies as she was most familiar with them. She read in fascination on how when the horses of Saddle Arabia were to marry, the friends and family of the bride-to-be would stage a faux abduction.
Twilight licked her hoof and flipped the page. The next chapter talked about dragons. She read about how uncomplicated dragon society was. Dragons moved up or down the social ladder based on whether or not they could defeat another dragon and take their stuff. The part on dragon courtship and mating rituals was rather short. First the female dragons, called drens, would gather together to dig a communal pit in the side or top of a volcano and lay their clutches of unfertilized eggs inside. Then the male dragons, called drakes, would come along in groups and deposit their milt onto the eggs. "If Rarity and Spike were to...ew! Ew! EEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWW! Note to self: Have Starlight cast a memory excising spell and remove that mental image from my brain."
Once she was able to get past the mental image of her adoptive brother depositing his genetic material, Twilight flipped over to the chapter on the yaks. She knew that yak culture was an odd and intricate mix of almost contradictory extremes. Equestria's bovine neighbors to the north championed music, art and open expression, they loved avant garde art and music, while also being extreme sticklers for their ancient traditions. Yak society was a society where openly asking for help was perceived as weakness, but would simultaneously boisterously cheer if someone performed any piece of art with true conviction and love for what they were doing, even if they were terrible at it. The section on yak courtship and mating rituals were odd. There had been extensive and detailed descriptions on their highly complex courtship rituals, which also included detailed illustrations. When a 2 yaks wanted to express the desire to wed, they would perform a very intricate dance, followed by a boisterous round of smashing things, followed by a round of loud cheering, followed by another round of smashing things, followed by freeform singing, followed by yet another round of smashing things, followed by traditional yak throat singing, followed by...yep you guessed it, more smashing. The part on yak mating rituals were short, with a direct quote from Prince Rupert, 'In bed, yak smash!' This part contained a comment from Canterlot University's xeno-cultural department, 'We are unsure if the yaks are violent in the bedroom or if Prince Rupert was using common vulgar Ponish parlance for sexual congress. All attempts to gain further insights has resulted into the yaks mating rituals has been met with silence. When it comes to sexual intimacy, the yaks are very tight-lipped.'"
Twilight flipped through the book to the section on kirins. She read on Equestria's scaly pony-like neighbors' love for nature and beauty. Of their beautiful lilting songs and moving musical pieces. Of their stunningly beautiful floral arrangements, their intricate weaving and detailed woodcarving. She paused when it came to their courtship and mating ritual, it simply contained a note from the Canterlot University's xeno-cultural department. 'When the kirin were asked about their courtship and mating rituals, they expressed confusion on the topic. There is obviously some sort of difficulty in interpreting from the kirin native tongue and Ponish. It is suggested for future studies that an interpreter that is equally fluent in kirin-tongue and Ponish be acquired, or failing that, one of the more common trade-tongues.'
Twilight read and reread the last part over and over. "Well this won't do.", she said aloud to nopony in particular. "The last anypony needs is somepony accidentally starting a war because they accidentally proposed to a married kirin." She summoned up a quill, an inkpot and a piece of parchment, and began to compose a letter to Autumn Blaze.
Dear Autumn Blaze,
My name is Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Magic and Friendship. You know two of my very good friends, Applejack and Fluttershy.
Recently I was reading a section in a book about your culture and noticed that it was lacking on how two kirin express how they love each other.
I formally request any information you are able to give on how two kirin express their love for one another and what customs and rituals your society has on that as I feel it would help pony-kirin relations.
This letter will contain a return spell diagram so you can send me a reply when it is most expedient for you.
,Princess Twilight Sparkle
After Twilight finished writing the letter, she drew the hexagrammic return spell diagram at the bottom, rolled up the scroll, dripped a bit of sealing wax onto it and pressed a sealing stamp onto the wax that contained her personal emblem.
"Spike! Spiiiiiiiiiike!"
Spike walked into the castle's library, the claws on the drake's feet clicking on the crystalline floor of the castle. "Yeah, Twi, Wadda ya need?"
"I need you to send this letter to Autumn Blaze at Perilous Peaks."
"It's a lot more difficult to send something to somepony I've never met or to someplace I've never been before. I can't guarantee that when or if it'll make it."
"Just send the letter. If worse comes to worse, I'll write another letter and have it sent through the post office."
Spike took the letter in his claw and walked over to the window. Opening it, he held the scroll up, took a breath and let out a puff of green flame. The scroll disintegrated into a wisp of sparkling green smoke and sailed away. "Okay, its away."
"Thanks, Spike. What's on the itinerary for today?"
Spike let out a belch of green flame that a rolled up list manifested out of."*ahem* Let's see--"
***
It had been 3 months since Twilight had sent the letter to Autumn Blaze. She was sitting in the breakfast nook enjoying a daffodil and cheese omelette, toast with apple jam, and a glass of freshly pressed daisy juice. 'I haven't heard back from Autumn Blaze. I wonder if she has yet to receive it? I need to remind Spike to put down on my list to write another letter and send it to her through the post office.', she thought to herself as she took a bit of toast. Suddenly there was a flash of red-orange fire and a puff of smoke above her head. A rolled up scroll manifested, bounced off of her snout and onto the table.
Twilight levitated the scroll and looked at it. The scroll appeared to be made of leaves pressed together. Instead of being sealed with wax, it was held closed with a bit of looped vine. As she was wondering who had sent the scroll, there was another flash of red-orange flame and a puff of smoke above her head. "Ouch!" A pair of small, flat, intricately carved blocks of wood smacked into her snout and clattered onto the table.
Twilight rubbed her snout where the two blocks of wood had hit her. She levitated them up and looked them over. On one side they read, 'Admit one to the Multiplication festival'. She opened the scroll and read it.
Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle,
We here at the Perilous Peaks are honored that you want to learn so much about kirin culture.
After much deliberation among the village elders, we have agreed to allow yourself and a friend or a special somerin to attend our Multiplication Festival.
Our Multiplication Festival will be held on midsummer's day and will be a most momentous momentous occasion as it will be the first held in nearly a decade.
,Rain Shin Kirin-Supreme
P.S. You may want to duck so that the invitation plaques don't accidentally hit you.
Twilight's eyes opened wide as a massive smile spread across her face. "Oh. My. CELESTIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAA! Woo-hoo!"
Twilight and Cadance sat side-by-side on the train that was taking them to Perilous Peaks. Twilight fussed over the parchment, inkpots and quills in her bags as she muttered whether or not she had enough.
"Relax, Twilight.", Cadance said. "I'm sure you have enough to take plenty of notes, and make copies of your notes in triplicate. Just enjoy yourself. Who knows,maybe you'll find some sexy kirin to get under your tail."
"First of all, ew. Second of all, you know I'm aromatic, I'm not into that sort of thing."
"You know damn good and well that's not what aromantic is. I remember finding those striped studs magazines that you thought that you hid oh-so-well under your bed back when you were fifteen."
Twilight gave a halfhearted chuckle as she rubbed the back of her head. "I've told you before, just like I told mom and dad back then, those were Shining's."
"Suuuuure.", Cadance snarked as she rolled her eyes. "And what was your excuse for the times I walked in on you flicking the bean to the centerfold of those big, muscular zebra stallions railing that petite mare? Oh yes! I remember now! You said, and I quote, 'I was giving myself a gynecological exam.'"
Twilight's cheeks burned bright red.
Cadance gave her sister-in-law a playful nudge. "No need to get yourself all worked up in a tizzy, I'm just giving you a hard time. It could've been worse."
"How so?"
"The other day the guard captain walked into the room as Shiny was clopping himself off into my--"
"Ew! Ew! EEEEEEEWWWWWW!", Twilight shouted, interrupting her sister and drawing the attention of several passengers. "I don't want to hear about you and my brother's bedroom shenanigans. I get enough creepy lewd letters from teenage colts and more than a few grown stallions describing in detail their bedroom fantasies that involve me."
"Auntie Celestia has been getting letters like that for hundreds of years. Some of them even have detailed drawings and diagrams.", Cadance said. "Auntie Luna's received letters like that. I've received letters like that. It's one of the burdens of being a public leader."
***
The train pulled to a stop at the Perilous Peaks platform. Twilight and Cadance stepped off the train and onto the platform. They were met by a broadly smiling kirin whose curly mane was a bright leaf green, the scales on their chest, backs, snout and fronts of their legs were a bark brown, and the rest of their body was a pale green, except for their snout, which was a cream white.
"Welcome, welcome, welcome!", the kirin exclaimed in a joyous tone. "My name is Spring Gale. You must be Princess Twilight Sparkle.", Spring gale said, gesturing to Cadance. "I must say, you're taller and pinker than the descriptions of you."
Twilight cleared her throat as she stepped forward. "I am Princess Twilight Sparkle of Equestria. This is Princess Mi Amore Cadenza of the Crystal Empire."
A frown spread across Spring Gale's lips and they dipped their head in a slight bow. "A thousand apologies, princesses. We kirin are still getting used being open to the world as a whole." Their expression turned happy again. "Welcome, welcome, welcome Princess Twilight Sparkle of Equestria! Welcome, welcome, welcome Princess Mi Amore Cadenza of the Crystal Empire!"
"You can call me Cadance.", she said with a smile.
"Right this way Princess Twilight Sparkle and Princess Mi--Cadance.", Spring Gale said."Do you have your invitation plaques?"
Twilight dug into her saddlebags, pulled out the two plaques and presented them to Spring Gale.
Twilight and Cadance sat in the box next to the Kirin-Supreme, Rain Shine, that overlooked the arena where the Multiplication Festival would take place.
"How do you tell male and female kirin apart?", Cadance asked.
Rain Shine raised a questioning eyebrow. "Male? Fe-male? I don't understand. Would you please explain?"
Twilight lit her horn and summoned up a book on pony anatomy. She opened it to the part that had diagrams of mare and stallion sexual anatomy and presented it to the Kirin-Supreme.
Rain Shine looked the diagrams over. "Ah, I see. Like birds, squirrels and foxes, ponies are binary. We kirin are not binary, we're singular."
"So how do you make foals?", Cadance asked.
"Foals?", Rain Shine asked.
Cadance gave an exasperated sigh. "I swear it's like trying to teach Flurry Heart!", she muttered. "*ahem* What I mean is how do you make more kirin, only smaller and young."
"Ah! You mean multiplication! When two kirin reach the age of quickening and expresses their desire to multiply with the kirin that they desire. If the other kirin agrees, when Midsummer's Day comes, they make their way to the arena and multiply.", Rain Shine explained.
"So they do it out in the open for all to see?", Cadance asked.
"Yes."
"Neat!"
A chorus of lilting voices and the swelling of music announced the first kirin to participate in the Multiplication Festival. Two kirin entered into the arena from opposite sides and stood facing each other.
Cadance took a camera from her bag and snapped a picture.
The arena fell silent as all kirin present prepared for the multiplication to begin.
Rain Shine stood up and said in a loud voice, "We gather here to say goodbye to Winter Wind and Summer Gust. Multiplication is such a bittersweet time for all involved. With a heavy heart we bid farewell to our friends and hope their energies will make strong young for we kirin." With that the Kirin-Supreme sat back down.
"Uh, what's going on?", Cadance asked.
"Multiplication.", Rain Shine replied.
"Bah-loo! Bah-loo!", Winter Wind howled out, signifying they have quickened and are ready for multiplication.
"Wally-wally-woo! Wally-wally-woo!", Summer Gust howled back, signifying that they to have quickened and are ready for multiplication.
All the kirin seated around the arena went quiet. It was so quiet that one could heard a pin drop.
Winter Wind and Summer Gust charged at each other, sparks of energy flew from their scales. The two collided and a split second later they were engulfed by a fiery explosion. A pressure wave washed over the arena, jostling all the gathered kirin and the two princesses in their seats. Smoke and dust hung in the air over the arena. Norin moved or spoke, just sat in deathly silence. Soon the sound of yipping could be heard.
The smoke blew away and the dust settled, revealing a dozen kirin pups bouncing around and yipping. The tussled with one another, ran circles chasing their own tails or played tug-of-war with the errant leaf or twig that had fallen into the arena.
Rain Shine leapt to her hooves and shouted, "A successful multiplying!"
"Huzzah! Huzzah! Huzzah!", the crowd cheered back.
Cadance's jaw dropped as she stared in shock.
"Neat!", Twilight exclaimed as she took the camera from her sister-in-law and snapped a picture.
A dozen kirin made their way into the arena. They each picked up a pup to raise as their own and left.
"What. The. Fuck?!", Cadance exclaimed in shocked surprise."That's how you make your babies?!"
"Bay-bees?", Spring Rain asked. "Oh! You mean our pups! Yes! That'show we multiply. How do you ponies multiply?"
Twilight re-summoned the pony anatomy book and opened it again to the diagrams the detailed sexual anatomy as she explained how foals were made.
"So you ponies insert a portion of your bodies into each other, shoot DNA at each other, and then many months later one of you pushes a pup out of your...what was it that you called it?...vah-gine-uh?", Rain Shine asked.
"More or less.", Twilight replied.
"Fascinating! I should send a few 'rin to observe this firsthoof so we can document this in our codices."
***
The day after the kirin's Multiplication Festival ended, Twilight and Cadance sat on the train that was headed back to Equestria.
Twilight hummed happily. "That was fun! Ooh! I can't wait until these are developed! I hope I got a good shot when they quickened and merged!"
"For 600 years I've been an alicorn. Willingly drank love poison for a Saddle Arabian sultan. Been involved in over 100 orgies in Roan. I am worshiped as a fertility goddess in Alexzebria.", Cadance muttered to herself. "Here I was hoping that I could get a few pictures of a kirin getting balls deep in each other. But nooo! Those fuckers have to blow each other up to make babies!"
Twilight looked up at her sister-in-law, worry dancing across her face. "Cadance...is-is everything okay? Did I-did I do something wrong?"
Candance let out an aggravated nicker. "No. No Twilight, you did nothing wrong." She turned the corners of her mouth up in a stiff smile. "I'm glad you had fun. It's just...*sigh*I guess I'm just a perverted old nag. Now if you'll excuse me." She stood up from her seat. "I think I'll go and visit the bar car."
Author's Note
As the description said, I was inspired by a comment on another story where I said that maybe kirin are hermaphrodites. That inspired me to write this story, but instead of writing a clopfic, I decided to make a story where kirin blew themselves up to make their babies.
The reason why I chose to use they/them for the kirin is because for this story they don't have sexes.
Thank you all for reading and I hope you all enjoy.
