How I Spent My Summer Vacation on the Moon

Chapter One: Twilight Sparkle Drinks Too Much

"TWIIIIIILIIIIIIGHT!!!"

Twilight Sparkle peeled her face off of the pillow. Her head was pounding, and it felt like somepony had run piano wire through her entire body from her hooves to her horn and pulled it taut. She was suddenly aware of how sweaty and gross she felt, and she wanted nothing more than to drift back into the cold abyss of sleep. Groping about on the bedside table with her aura, she finally caught hold of what she was looking for: a large metal cup about a quarter full of Pone's Farm. She took a long, greedy swallow and plopped her head back on the pillow. If only she could fall back to sleep...

"TWIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLIIIIIIIIIGGGHTTTT!!!!!"

Finally, the shrill voice of her baby dragon succeeded in peeling her head off the pillow once more. She shouted in annoyance:

"What, Spike?!?"

"Rarity is here!"

Twilight sighed heavily, downed the last bit of wine in one gulp, and clambered out of bed.

"Tell her I'll be down in a minute," she said.

Exactly one minute later, Twilight trotted down the stairs and into the library. Her friend Rarity was seated at the large table in the center, looking elegant and refined as usual. Her purple mane was done up in some kind of elaborate pile that looked like it probably took half the morning to arrange. She wore a silk scarf around her shimmering white neck and a pair of chic sunglasses. Spike was seated in an armchair on the other side of the room, staring a little too obviously, with an open book spread conspicuously across his lap.

Rolling her eyes, Twilight took a seat at the table and called out:

"Spike! Why don't you bring us some mimosas or something?"

He shot her a dirty look.

"Do you really think you need more alcohol, Twilight?"

"'Need' doesn't even begin to cover it, Spike. Or did you forget what almost happened to me last night?"

"'Almost' being the operative word there," muttered Spike, but he stood up and edged his way into the kitchen, still holding the book across his lap.

Rarity looked politely away from him and cleared her throat.

"Now then, darling, I'm terribly sorry to burst in on you unannounced, but when I heard what happened I simply had to come and see you!"

"Oh, well, thank you, Rarity, but honestly I'm fine," said Twilight.

"Fine? Fine?!? Oh, but darling, I can't even imagine what it must have been like, being tied up, and dragged away in the middle of the night by those ruffians..."

Every time Rarity said the word 'darling' Twilight felt like a nail was being driven a little farther into her skull. Where the hell was Spike with those mimosas?

"...oh, and the things they must have done to you, darling! It must have been absolutely terrifying, being blindfolded, and gagged, and carried off helpless into the woods...those huge, hulking, muscular brutes surrounding you, subjecting you to the ravages of their wanton, unbridled--"

"Here are your mimosas, ladies!" said Spike as he burst into the room, carrying a tray with two fluted glasses on it.

"Oh, thank Celestia," muttered Twilight softly. She grabbed hers and took a long gulp. "Oh, and Spike? You might want to just go ahead and get another round of these going."

"Yeah, watch how fast I go," muttered Spike, as he stomped back into the kitchen.

"And put your apron on! We have company!"

Spike muttered something unintelligible and made a rude gesture at Twilight as the kitchen door closed behind him.

Rarity cocked an eyebrow.

"You...make him wear an apron?"

Twilight giggled.

"Yeah, a pink frilly one. He looks ridiculous in it. It's important to show dominance with dragons, you know?"

She'd downed about half of her mimosa by now and was starting to feel a little better.

"I...see." Rarity cleared her throat. "Anyway, Twilight darling, about what happened last night--"

Twilight cut her off.

"It's okay, Rarity, really. Nothing happened."

Rarity cocked another eyebrow.

"Nothing...happened?"

"Nope. Nothing happened."

"...nothing at all?"

"Nope. Zilch. Nada. They didn't do a thing. Didn't even try."

Twilight beamed at her with an almost manic-looking grin. Rarity took an uncomfortable sip of her mimosa.

"I...see. So what exactly..."

"They tied me up, dragged me out to the woods, cut me on the leg with a knife, and that was it."

Rarity looked alarmed.

"They cut you?!?"

"It's not as bad as it sounds. Here, look."

Twilight stood up and showed Rarity her flank. The faint outline of a scratch was still visible just above her cutie mark, but it didn't look serious.

"Does it...hurt?"

"Not really."

"So...that's all they did?"

"Yep."

"...that's all they did?"

"Yep."

"I...see. Were they..." she leaned forward and whispered: "...inexperienced?"

"Well, they like to dress up in hoods and capes and romp around in the forest doing bad Nightmare Moon cosplay, so I'm going to say that yes, they probably are, and probably always will be."

There was that manic smile again.

Poor Twilight, thought Rarity. Perhaps a makeover would help. Or at least a shower...

"Round two, ladies!" said Spike, as he burst into the room with his tray again.

Rarity stifled a giggle when she saw the frilly pink apron he was now wearing. Spike's cheeks reddened, and he glared daggers at Twilight, who smiled innocently. Rarity coughed.

"Thank you very much, Spike, but I'm afraid I have to be going. Twilight, dear, I'm ever so glad to hear that you weren't...ahem...manhandled last night**. If there's ever anything I can do for you, please just let me know."

"Thank you, Rarity, but I think I'll be fine."

"No, darling, I insist. If there is anything I can do for you, please don't hesitate to ask. As far as I'm concerned, I owe you a favor."

"It's okay, Rarity, really--"

"No, Twilight, I insist. I now owe you a favor. Anything you need, please don't hesitate to come to me."

"Uh...alright. I will probably take you up on that, then."

"Good. And now, I'm afraid I must be going. Ta-taa, darling~! Ta-taa, Spikey-Wikey~!"

And with that she vanished out the door in her usual posh manner.

'Spikey-Wikey' turned to face his captor.

"So, should I take these back to the kitchen?" he asked, indicating the two full glasses which still sat on his tray.

"Nope, leave 'em both here!" beamed Twilight.

Later that afternoon, a more cheerful but considerably less steady Twilight was trotting down the road that led out of Ponyville. At the edge of the Everfree Forest stood a small cottage, outside of which a pink-maned yellow pegasus was peering into her mailbox.

"Oh, hi Twilight," she said in a soft voice. She nudged the mailbox shut with her nose.

"Hi, Fluttershy."

"I'm, um, sorry to hear about what happened last night."

Twilight waved a hoof nonchalantly.

"Oh, don't even worry about it! Nothing even happened; I'm fine."

Fluttershy was a bit troubled by the mania in her friend's expression and the aroma of Pone's Farm on her breath. She turned her eyes towards the ground.

"Um, well, if you ever want to talk about it..."

"Thanks, Fluttershy, but it's really not necessary. Nothing happened."

Fluttershy looked up.

"Nothing happened?"

"Nope. Nothing happened."

"Really?"

"Nope. Nothing at all."

"Oh. Um............I'm sorry."

"Thanks."

There was a rather longish bit of awkward silence between them. Then Fluttershy looked up, a little excitedly.

"Um, by any chance are you here for an emotional support animal? If so, I have a wide variety for you to choose from--"

"No, that's okay, Fluttershy," said Twilight quickly. "I'm actually on my way to the Everfree Forest."

"You're going back into the forest?"

"Yeah, turns out I left my bookbag out there. I had some rare books I borrowed from Princess Celestia, and it would be a huge problem if they got lost..."

"Are you sure you can't just leave them? I'm sure the Princess would understand. I think the pegasi have a thunderstorm scheduled for later this afternoon, and I'd hate for you to get caught in it..."

"No, I really think it's better if I go grab them. Especially if it's going to rain later."

"Oh. Um, okay; if that's what you want." She hesitated, pawing at the ground. "Um, would you like me to go with you?"

"Thanks, but I think I can handle it on my own."

"Oh, okay. If you want, you could take one of my emotional support animals with you. As I said, I have a wide variety for you to choose from--"

"Uh, thanks Fluttershy, but I'm pretty well-stocked on support animals at the moment. I've got Owlowiscious, a bird named Peewee I think, and then of course there's Spike..."

"Oh, well, if that's what you want. But, um, if you change your mind..."

"I know, Fluttershy. If I ever need an emotional support animal, you'll be the first pony I talk to!"

There was that manic expression again.

"Anyway, I'm off! I'll talk to you later, Fluttershy!"

"Okay, um, goodbye."

And with that, Twilight trotted off. Fluttershy watched her disappear into the woods, a worried expression on her face.

Thanks to the locator spell she'd keyed to her bookbag, Twilight was able to find the clearing easily enough. The gnarled trees looked a lot less menacing in the daylight, and it seemed like Celestia's guards had cleaned up all signs of the cult's presence. However, the stone altar was still there, and Twilight felt a chill run up her spine as she looked at the place where she was almost...almost...

Twilight sighed. It just wasn't working. Even standing right here, looking at that stupid altar, she couldn't force herself to feel even the least bit terrified. This whole experience had just been one huge, embarrassing (and immensely frustrating) waste of her time. And to make matters worse, it seemed like everypony knew about what had happened. Or, more accurately, what hadn't happened.

"Do I smell or something?!?" she shouted out loud. As if in response, a light breeze stirred and blew a whiff of her own mane into her nostrils. "Ugh! Grrrrrr..."

She kicked at a nearby pebble.

"Seriously, if I ever get a hold of those two weirdos who grabbed me, I'll--"

The pebble she'd kicked flew into a thicket, and suddenly there came a rustling from somewhere inside the brush.

"Who's there?" she cried out.

She spun around to face the source of the rustling. That thicket at the edge of the clearing was rustling slightly. She took a tentative step forward, in the direction of the rustling. Yep, it was definitely rustling.

Rustle.

Rustle rustle.

Rustle rustle rustle rustle.

Rustle.

rustle
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Rustle rustle.

Rustle.

"Wow, that bush sure is doing a lot of rustling," said Twilight to herself. "Usually they don't rustle this much. I wonder what could be the source of all that rustling?"

She took a step forward. And then another. And another. She was close enough to peer inside the thicket now. She leaned forward. And then--

"AAAAAAAAAH!!!"

Unfortunately, Twilight's scream turned out to be a bit premature. As she pulled aside the branches of the thicket, what she saw before her was not the wild animal or the rapacious tentacle monster she had envisioned. Rather, it was a small filly, looking inquisitively up at her.

The filly's coat was coal-black, her long, unkempt mane a bright green that almost assaulted the eye. A black and white racing stripe ran down the length of her mane and tail, giving Twilight the impression that this filly could probably go really, really fast.

However, it was the filly's eyes that arrested her attention. They were not the eyes of a normal pony. The irises were a brilliant, deep turquoise color, and the pupils were vertical slits, like the eyes of a reptile, or a kitty-cat.

"What...are you?" said Twilight, half to herself. "Some kind of reptokitty?"

The filly cocked its head to the side, continuing to stare curiously at Twilight. There was a little black horn protruding from the center of her head. The filly was a unicorn, like her! Wait, no, she also had...wings?!?

"Oh, I get it!" exclaimed Twilight, when she finally got it. "You're an alicorn. Wait a minute--an alicorn?!?"

The filly cocked its head to the side, and smiled brightly.

"Pyx!" it said.

"Pyx?"

"Pyx!" agreed the alicorn.

Twilight continued to stare at the alicorn filly. She seemed harmless enough, kind of cute even, but still, there was something about her appearance that bothered her. Something vaguely Nightmare Moonish that she couldn't quite put her hoof on.

"Pyx!" the filly said once more.

"Is that all you can say?" asked Twilight.

"Pyx!" responded the filly. "Pyx pyx pyx pyx pyx!"

Oh no, it's retarded! Twilight thought. I should probably just leave it here. The timber wolves will put it out of its misery.

Still, though, the thought of leaving the poor, defenseless filly to be eaten alive by timber wolves filled her with unease for some reason.

"You poor little thing," said Twilight finally. "You don't have anypony to take care of you, do you?"

"Pyx!" said the filly agreeably.

"Why don't you come home with me? I'll fix you a big dinner, and give you a nice hot bath..."

As she levitated the filly out of the thicket, a breeze rose up around her and she caught a whiff of her unwashed mane again.

"Whew!" she said. "I guess I could use a bath too. Come on, filly; let's go home."

"Pyx!" responded the filly.

Unfortunately, Twilight had forgotten all about her bookbag.

Author's Note

** A note on Rarity's vocabulary:

Ordinarily, one would not expect someone living in an all-equine universe to be familiar with the word "manhandled," seeing as how they would be familiar with neither man nor hands. However, it is a little-known fact that, thousands of years in the past, Equestria was populated by a race of humanoid ape-creatures. These creatures booped the ponies so incessantly that a centuries-long war was fought, resulting in the extinction of the entire species. However, their architecture and technology was appropriated by the ponies, and fragments of their language survive to this day. You can't prove that it didn't happen.

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