Twilight Sparkle Discovers Laser Weaponsby iAmSiNnErChaptersChapter 1 - DiscoveryChapter 3 - Ruling Equestria with LasersChapter 4 - Nightmare Moon vs LasersChapter 5 - The Planning BeginsChapter 6 - The Plan Was SimpleChapter 7 - The Great HeisteningChapter 2 - The Stages of TwilightingChapter 1 - DiscoveryTwilight Discovers Laser Weapons Chapter 1 - Discovery Written by iAmSiNnEr It was a normal day. A completely normal day. The birds were singing, the clouds were in the sky, the wind was whistling in the ears of ponies. The sun was setting as usual, even as the moon rose into the sky, letting the stars finally come out to display their full splendor. And there sat a lone unicorn in her tower, looking through her telescope to gaze at the stars. Admittedly, a bit early, but it was entirely in her characteristics to be this frantic to catch a meteor streaking past the planet. A whole six hours earlier than the meteorologists predicted the meteor would fall past the planet. “Twilight!” A purple baby dragon with green spikes called up from downstairs. “You need to eat your dinner, or Celestia’ll get mad again!” “Yeah, no thanks,” Twilight muttered. “Food’s not important when it comes to the Storm Meteor. It only comes once an eon!” “Twilight?” Spike called again. “I’ve got daisy sandwiches and hayburgers!” “Not tonight, Spike!” she shouted. “If I miss the Storm Meteor, I’m going to—” A streak of orange light suddenly flew through the sky, and crashed into the ground just outside of Canterlot city limits. Twilight frowned and readjusted the telescope lens. “Did I just imagine it?” She redirected the telescope’s point of view to look at where the orange light had crashed, and she could now see smoke drifting up. “Nope. Did not imagine it. This calls for an investigation—” Her thoughts came to a screeching halt. “Wait. Was that the Storm Meteor?” She adjusted her telescope frantically again. “Nononono it couldn’t be, it’s six hours early, and it was way smaller than it should have been. Maybe another meteor? But most of them aren’t supposed to hit the ground! In fact, the Storm Meteor was expected to fly past Equus’s gravitational field! Maybe someone pulled it? If that, who?” She nodded. “An investigation is warranted! Spiiiiiike! I’m going out!” “You haven’t had your dinner—!” Spike sighed as the unicorn disappeared in a flash of purple light. “Why do I even try?” After a few minutes of calculated teleportation, Twilight arrived at the scene of the crash. She saw a steaming crater, and in the middle of it all, it looked as if the meteor had smashed into the ground and exploded into pieces, leaving nothing but molten rock everywhere. “Well, that’s anticlimactic.” Then she frowned. “What’s that? Did the meteor unearth it?” She slid down the slope, not caring as mud clung to her hooves, and arrived at what looked to be a metal box in the middle of all the rocks and dirt. Her horn lit up as she cast spells to scan the metal rectangular box, but none of her spells registered any material that she knew. She wasn’t even sure if the box was metal. “Well, you know what they say,” she said cheerfully to no one in particular. “No science and magic without risks, right?” Her horn lit, and she used her telekinesis to open up the box. Inside lay several slender tubes with what looked to be glowing fuel sources. Her eyes widened. “Oooh…” Every part of her was now screaming “shiny”. Unable to resist, she levitated one of the items inside up, then examined it. “Is there an off and on switch for this? Maybe this lever’s it?” She pulled on what looked to be a small lever in the middle of it. And a giant laser ray blasted out of the hollow tube and burned through several trees. Then the trees all fell in a straight line, the laser having cut through their trunks cleanly. Twilight’s jaw was hanging down. “WHAT IN CELESTIA—” Chapter 3 - Ruling Equestria with LasersTwilight Discovers Laser Weapons Chapter 3 - Ruling Equestria With Lasers Written by iAmSiNnEr It was a normal day for the yaks. And for the changelings. And for the kirins. And, bear with me, for the breezies. Oh, and for the dragons too. For Celestia’s sake, how many species are there in Equestria? Anddddd for the griffons too. That’s all of them, right? AND FOR THE WINDIGOS TOO? It was a normal day for every species in Equestria. There, satisfied? “My queen, we’re starving!” A nameless changeling protested. “We don’t have any love!” “Well, go out there and suck some from the ponies!” Chrysalis snapped. “I don’t have any more to give any of you!” “But—” The nameless changeling never did finish his sentence as a bright purple light sliced through the ceiling of the hive and into the throne, carving through it as if it were nothing. Then several other beams of light blasted through absolutely everywhere, yet surprisingly not hitting a single changeling. Then once the beams of light stopped firing, everything crumbled to pieces. Twilight floated in mid-air, satisfied. “There. Now they’ll have to spend the next decade rebuilding their hive, and they won’t have time to try and invade to steal the weapons!” Chrysalis pushed herself out of the rubble of her hive and looked up to see the floating unicorn, who promptly disappeared from existence, onto her next destination to conquer. “Well,” Chrysalis, for once, was at a loss of mean words to say. “That certainly was some power.” Revenge? Possibly. But I LIKE my life. Then we have no choice. This is a warning for us. To stop sucking love from ponies or else we meet the same fate as the hive. Time to be a good changeling queen, and submit our allegiance to our new overlord. Meanwhile, Twilight had teleported to the top of the mountains, ready to invade the yaks next. Then she frowned. “What in Celestia were those bug-like creatures, anyways?” The hive of the changelings were in ruins. The huts of the yaks were in flames. The volcanoes had been cleanly sliced in half, and now the home of the dragons was nothing but lava, which they liked, but Twilight had also used some “Freeze” laser setting that froze the entire fiery wasteland. Now instead of a warm place to rest, all the dragons had were frozen chunks of lava and volcano. The breezies had been ignored, due to how small they were, but they had evacuated after seeing the state of the forest that Twilight had burned through. Now they were preparing an envoy to the new Empress of Equestria, ready to extend a…erm, hoof? Hand? I dunno, they just wanted allegiance, I suppose. The griffons were already in ruins, but Twilight had used her lasers to destroy any chance of them recovering their legendary artifact. She had also ensured to completely wreck the in progress of the building of the mud huts. Long story short, within six days, Twilight had paid every species in Equestria a visit and wrecked any chance they had at invasion of Equestria. Almost everything was either burning, sliced in half, or just simply destroyed by the several other settings the laser had. So, here we are. In the newly repaired throne room of Canterlot, where Twilight sat with a confused expression on her face. For before her, knelt a representative from every race, ready to pledge their allegiance to the new Empress of Equestria, She With the Deadly Weapons. Lame name, I know. But a certain draconequus had whispered the name into the ears of several creatures, so the name stuck. “Erm…” Twilight blinked. “What’s going on here?” Chapter 4 - Nightmare Moon vs LasersTwilight Discovers Laser Weapons Chapter 4 - Nightmare Moon vs Lasers Written by iAmSiNnEr Did there really need to be a chapter for this? Like seriously, I swear the events were just Nightmare Moon arriving, then Twilight firing several lasers at her. What, you want a chapter? Oh, fine. Nightmare Moon cackled as she stepped into existence, shadows gathering to give her a form as her hooves landed onto the marble of Canterlot Castle. “Fear me, for I, Nightmare Moon, has returned!” None of the maids paid her any attention, only giving her one or two curious glances before continuing on their duties. Nor were there any guards for that matter, it seemed as if there was only housekeeping staff. The dark alicorn was confused, to say the least. This was not how she envisioned her return to be. “SISTER!” She bellowed. “I have returned!” There was no answer. But now, the maids were glaring at her. “Shhh!” one of them shushed her. “Her Royal Empress is sleeping. If you wake her up, we’re going to be in a lot of trouble, then she’s going to make us help her in her experiments!” One of the maids shuddered. “The slime and lasers experiment. Never again.” “Well, her Royal Empress is going to get off her fat rump, for I, Nightmare Moon, have returned!” she announced with the Royal Canterlot Voice. “Fear me, for I have come to conquer Equestria!” “You’re here to conquer Equestria?” A purple unicorn teleported beside her. “Help me sign these forms first, please. And, Spring? Get me some coffee!” One of the maids scampered off instantly, and the rest fled in other directions after figuring out who had arrived. Nightmare Moon looked down at the purple unicorn. “Are you my sister’s secretary, or something?” “Your sister?” Twilight looked at her quizzically. “Oh, Celestia! No, I’m not. I kinda already got rid of her so that I could take over Equestria. I’m the Empress now. Fat load of good it’s doing, I’m buried under so much paperwork everyday. But it’s worth it if I can keep Equestria safe!” “You defeated Celestia?” Nightmare Moon asked incredulously. “You?” “Yep, me!” Twilight answered cheerfully. “Now, please sign here to confirm that I am not liable for your life insurance, since you attempted to take over Equestria, and sign here saying that your life insurance will pay out any damages caused to the Canterlot Castle or its surrounding lands.” “Um. Okay?” Nightmare Moon took the quill instinctively and signed. “What’s even the point here?” “So that I can absolutely defeat you with no consequences!” “Pardon my Prench, but what is life insurance?” A slow blink. Twilight tilted her head. “Which era are you from?” “I was trapped in the moon for a thousand years by my sister because I went insane due to the ponies not loving me. But now that you’ve defeated her…I..suppose I have to defeat you to be the true Empress of Equestria— wait, where did the unicorn go?” Twilight had vanished, but Nightmare Moon could hear the pitter patter of her hooves as Twilight galloped somewhere else. “Little whelp, you coward! Come back here! You pretended to empathize with my situation to get me distracted, you deserve to be blasted into—” Nightmare Moon skidded to a halt inside the throne room, where Twilight was sitting on the throne. Beside Twilight, several hollow barrels of some kind of weapon were pointed at her, like a miniaturized cannon. Inside the weapons, glowing fuel sources could be seen. “Thank you for your attempt at conquering Equestria,” Twilight said with a smile. “You have only made us stronger. Although, cleaning up later is going to be painful…” The last thing Nightmare Moon saw was the glaring light of several beams blasting straight at her. Then as the light exploded against her, she heard Twilight sighing. “Really, did Celestia store all her villains away or something? I’ll need to hunt them down…” And Nightmare Moon managed one final sentence. “CURSE YOU, YOU CAKE LOVING BIG BUTT CELESTIAAAAAAA—” And then the lasers caused her to explode. Author's Note Chapter 3 and 4 are out! Next up, Chapter 5, chapter 6 will be the day after tomorrow. Thank you for your patronage, now remember that Twilight has lasers and is not afraid to use them. Can anything even stop her now? Chapter 5 - The Planning BeginsTwilight Discovers Laser Weapons Chapter 5 - The Planning Begins Written by iAmSiNnEr It is now six months after the defeat of Nightmare Moon. Equestria is prospering. Or so we think. I mean, Twilight essentially defeated every villain there was to defeat within two weeks. Except a certain unicorn that had control over a certain town in a certain location. Was she really a villain though? Now seeing the dictatorship spreading through Equestria, Starlight Glimmer, ironically, started a plan to stop Twilight Sparkle. And to do so, she would need help. Help to do what, you ask? Why, steal the lasers, of course! Firstly, she snuck into the Canterlot Royal Archives, to investigate the origins of the weapons. Nada. Next, she looked up the Yellow Pages for any pony or creature that could help her. Chrysalis? Dead end. Poor queen was too scared of ending up like her throne. Tirek? Not willing to leave Tartarus after Twilight threatened him and gave a demonstration of her new weapons. Not before he did try to suck the magic out of them, though. But as we know, there was no magic at all to be found in a technological weapon. Sombra? For some reason, Sombra didn’t return even after Twilight force summoned the Crystal Empire back into existence and made them swear allegiance to Equestria. Maybe he was too scared? Nah. Twilight just resurrected him first, threatened the spell to get the Crystal Empire back out of him, then lasered him. Any other possible allies? Apparently none. Except the voice that was constantly whispering in her ear to go to the statue garden and look for a certain statue. Like, seriously. Who would ever listen to a strange voice in their ears unless they were desperate? …wait. Nevermind. Let’s forget those words were ever uttered. Starlight Glimmer was desperate. So here we are, in the statue garden. And in front of the statue of the draconequus we love and hate so much. “Okay, I’m here,” Starlight said. “Conveniently.” Yes, conveniently. Now, let’s proceed with the story, shall we? “Free me!” the voice whispered. “Cause some chaos!” “Hmm.” Starlight mused. “Will this work?” She caused some chaos. And the stone cracked and broke open, revealing a creature that had a mismatch of different animals. He looked like an abomination, if I did say so myself. “You look like an abomination,” Starlight announced. “Are you the voice that has been whispering in my ears?” “Well, yes, I am, dear Glimmy,” Discord rubbed his hands together. “You and I are going to enact a plan to overthrow our dear Empress, Twilight Sparkle. And to do that, you and I will need to sign a contract.” “What contract?” Starlight tilted her head. “That neither of us will try to betray the other,” Discord did a loop-de-loop. “Sounds fair?” “It does, indeed,” Starlight nodded. “Um. How do we do this?” “Off screen, of course! Otherwise, it’d be just boring!” Discord pouted. “Right now, we need to think of a name to call us! Hmm. How about the Chaos Circle?” “No. Too cliche.” “I got it!” Discord snapped his claws. “The DiscLight!” “We’re not a couple, Discord.” “Then what would you even want to call us?” Discord sighed. “Like, come on, Glimmy, you’ve got to give us something.” “How about— DUCK!” “Duck?” Discord tilted his head. “That sounds like an excellent name! How ever did you think of—” And a laser sliced through his head, eviscerating it. “Well, that wasn’t very nice,” Discord’s disembodied voice said. “We were just discussing group names!” “DISCORD!” Twilight shouted from a castle window overlooking the statue garden. “Submit, or face the consequences!” “I think not! I will see you in the next chapter, Twilight Sparkle!” He snapped his fingers, and both he and Starlight disappeared. Some awkward silence for a few seconds, then Discord reappeared, still headless. “Sorry,” his disembodied voice said. “I need to grab what remains of my head real quick so I can regenerate…ah, here!” He grabbed the horn left on the ground. “We shall see you in the next—EEP!” He hastily teleported away as Twilight started firing more lasers. “COME BACK HERE YOU STUPID SPIRIT OF DISHARMONY—!” Author's Note Oh dear. I almost fell asleep before I remembered I had a chapter to post. Chapter 6 - The Plan Was SimpleTwilight Discovers Laser Weapons Chapter 6 -The Plan Was Simple Written by iAmSiNnEr The plan was simple. Starlight would sneak into the vault as Discord distracted Twilight. Seriously, that was the entire plan. But to no one’s surprise, the plan failed catastrophically. “Okay, I have a question,” Starlight said dryly. “You said that this would be easy.” “I did!” Discord cheerfully replied. “So why are we trapped in a giant pit with laser weapons pointing at us?” “Hmm. I would assume that we underestimated her defenses,” Discord remarked as he peeled open a banana and started eating the peel. “Either that or the giant cotton candy elephant was not enough of a distraction.” “Hmph.” Starlight grumbled. “Looks like we’ll need bigger guns.” “That would be accurate.” Discord threw the peel-free banana away. “Let us look for these bigger guns.” He snapped his fingers as the weapons fired once more. “An alliance,” Sombra mused, having come back from the dead due to Discord pulling some shenanigans. “To defeat Twilight Sparkle.” “And her lasers,” Starlight interrupted. “The lasers are very important.” “Of course, of course,” Sombra waved a hoof. “The details can be hashed out later. So it’s only the three of us in this alliance?” “I suppose,” Discord examined his ice cream cone. “I mean, do we really need more allies?” They were now in a giant pit of slime. “We need more allies.” Starlight muttered as Discord snapped his fingers just as the laser weapons fired once again. “Okay, so, like, I knoooow you’re the Father of Monsters,” Discord said placatingly. “But! You’re the only one who I know isn’t, like, completely scared of Twilight Sparkle that’s left free. I mean, I freed you, but details, schemegails.” “I shall destroy this Twilight Sparkle myself!” Grogar bellowed. “Watch as I consume Equestria in eternal darkness and allow my children to rule it once more!” Grogar appeared as the magic circle activated, having been reincarnated by Discord. “Allies?” Discord licked at his ice cream. “Allies.” They were now in a giant birdcage, and this time there were anti-teleport runes and spells cast on it. “Now, this is a pickle,” Discord examined the birdcage as the weapons began charging up. “Any plans, Glimmer, Sombra or Grogar?” “Just one.” The weapons fired. “You know, we really gotta stop doing this reincarnation thing,” Sombra grumbled. “It’s painful.” “Hey, it worked!” Discord grinned. “Although, we might need to spend some time putting Starlight’s soul together, it’s a bit jumbled since it’s her first reincarnation.” Starlight’s eyes were completely blank as she sat in the circle that she had been reincarnated from. “Who’s with me to visit her town and grab pieces of her soul?” A collective groan from both Sombra and Grogar. “Okay, seriously,” Discord laced his fingers together. “I really couldn’t think of anyone else to ask help from.” Tirek raised an eyebrow. “Very well, Lord of Chaos. Let us be allies.” Tirek did not, in fact, want to be allies. I’d tell you about his subsequent betrayal and attempt to take over Equestria, but it was really too boring. Let us refer you to the canon where Twilight and him battled, except that this time Twilight easily won. “Chrysalis?” “I’m in, but only if you don’t tell her I’m helping you.” “Done.” “Buttersticks.” They had now been trapped in a room that was rapidly closing upon them as the laser weapons charged up. “At least this time we can teleport.” Fingers were snapped. Rinse and repeat many, many times. Chapter 7 - The Great HeisteningTwilight Discovers Laser Weapons Chapter 7 - The Great Heistening Written by iAmSiNnEr Research was needed. So Starlight sought out books. The whole “Ocean’s no. something” series, and even grabbed a few Heist 101 books. To make sure they worked, she heisted the books from the library, much to the bewilderment of the librarians who watched a mare in a catsuit trying to sneak past the front counter by crawling. Discord called upon his friends from…well, it’s hard to tell. But he grabbed a few friends, and tossed them into the castle again and again to test the defenses. Discord has very few friends now. Next, we had Chrysalis ordering her changelings to discover weaknesses in the castle defenses. They managed to find two: whenever the delivery pony came with the books Twilight Sparkle ordered, Twilight Sparkle would open a direct portal for the delivery pony to deliver the books to her personal library, which in turn had a door to the vault. Secondly, Twilight Sparkle loved coffee. So much so that whenever Twilight woke up in the morning, she had no other focus but coffee. And so, a plan was hatched. The delivery pony set down the box of books in the library, and tipped his hat to Twilight Sparkle. “Good day, Miss,” he said politely. “Many books this time, sorry for the delay.” “No, no,” Twilight assured him. “It is absolutely my bad. I ordered Express Shipping for sixty books, which must have put stress on the system. I apologize. Here, take this tip for your troubles.” She teleported in a bag of bits. “Share these with your coworkers,” she said cheerfully. “You all are doing great!” The delivery pony smiled. “I will, thank you, ma’am.” He then stepped through the portal to leave. Twilight then teleported away, and the lights dimmed in the library. The box then burst open, revealing a very sweaty Starlight and Trixie together in the box. “Trixie told you the bribe would work!” the showmare crowed as she clambered out of the box, getting herself out first. “Besides, Trixie is always right!” “Yeah, yeah,” Starlight grumbled. “Now, let’s hope Discord and Chrysalis are doing their parts…” FIVE HOURS AGO, HEIST FLASHBACK “Part one of the plan,” Starlight said. “We sneak into the castle by using the delivery system. We can go invisible.” “That’s not going to work,” Chrysalis shook her head. “Our magic would set the detectors off. We’ll need another plan.” “I know someone who could help,” Discord snapped his claws. “She is an incredible master of illusions and showponyship. This should be easy for her. In fact, I already contacted her.” “Say what?” SIX HOURS AGO, SECOND HEIST FLASHBACK “Yo, Great and Powerful Trixie,” Discord teleported into her caravan. “I need your help. If you help me, I’ll make you famous.” “Done. Trixie will help.” “And now Trixie will help you!” the unicorn said gleefully as she teleported in. “So, this is what we’re gonna do…” THREE HOURS LATER, NEGATIVE FIRST FLASHBACK Trixie pushed Starlight into the box, the delivery pony watching with amusement. “This’ll work, Trixie guarantees it!” the unicorn said cheerfully as she continued stuffing Starlight down using her hooves. “The box is lined with anti-detection material, so we’ll get past their defenses easily!” “So why do I have to go first?” Starlight whined. “This is uncomfortable!” “Because Trixie needs her pony pillow!” Trixie laughed out loud. “Delivery pony, enjoy the gems, for the Great and Powerful Trixie shall now disappear!” She threw down a smoke bomb, and she jumped into the box before sealing it after her using her magic while Starlight cried in pain. The delivery pony rolled his eyes. “I don’t get paid enough for this—” Then he scratched his head. “Wait. I did get paid for this.” He shrugged and lifted the box up, slotting it into the chariot. Now, what was Discord doing? Author's Note I apologize for the delay, but here's the next chapter! Chapter 2 - The Stages of TwilightingTwilight Discovers Laser Weapons Chapter 2 -The Five Stages of Twilighting Written by iAmSiNnEr For absolutely no reason, Twilight was alone as she stared at the weapon in her levitation. No other ponies came to investigate what was definitely a dangerous weapon slicing many trees in half, nor did any animal make any noise. Twilight was, conveniently, alone to process her thoughts. This is a weapon that could destroy Equestria’s defenses. This is a weapon that could kill many ponies. I can’t let any pony else get this weapon. Otherwise they could bring ruin to Equestria. Some part of her noted that her body was numb. I can’t hide this in my tower. Celestia could find it, and then she would scold me for not turning it over to her. And I can’t turn it over to her. She would just lock it in the royal vault, and that stupid Blueblood can get in there. And then if he finds the weapons… She shuddered at the thought. Maybe if I strip Blueblood of his royal status? But how? Celestia has always refused… But what if I was the one in power? The ruler of Equestria? I would have the resources to design a vault strong enough to contain the power of these weapons. I could strip Blueblood of his status. She nodded to herself. Then it’s settled. I will take over the entirety of Equestria so I can safeguard these weapons from threats, and use it against those who might threaten my country. Celestia, I’m coming home. I’m so very sorry. A purple beam of thin light sliced through the castle as Twilight trotted into the building, holding her newly acquired weapons by her side as she activated them periodically, ensuring not to overheat any of them. She had found out what would happen if she did the hard way. She was now one short of the eight she had found inside the metal cache. The castle was burning behind them, tapestries alight with flames, even as the Royal Guard scrambled to muster a defense against her attack, golden armored ponies rushing to intercept her as she made her way to the throne room. With deadly accuracy, Twilight aimed the weapons’ killing light through the armor straps without hitting a single pony, causing the armor to fall. Surprisingly, she did not hit a single pony, but the act caused many of them to flee in fear from the weapons she wielded. After all, what chance did they stand if the deadly light could burn through even their armor? She stepped into the throne room, and there sat Celestia, watching her closely. “What is the meaning of this, Twilight?” she asked calmly. “I know you have your strange moments, but you must admit, a full scale attack on my castle is beyond your usual experiments.” “Give the throne up peacefully, Celestia,” Twilight replied. “You have biases that might cause the downfall of Equestria. I do not have such biases, and as such I can wield the power of Equestria more efficiently than you can.” Celestia stared at her. “Twilight, are you okay?” “I see,” Twilight sighed. “Then I have no choice.” She turned the dial of the weapon to adjust it to “Explosions” mode. Laser explosions. Don’t ask how she managed to find out that was an option. She just did. All Twilights are gravitated towards explosions. “Fire.” And a giant laser struck Celestia and exploded. As it struck her, Twilight could hear one final shout. “WHAT IN MY SISTER’S LOVE FOR THE NIGHT? SHE ACTUALLY—” Then Celestia exploded as the laser weapons fired again. Author's Note The story is complete, with an undefined amount of chapters. I like to keep my audience guessing, hehe. But stay tuned for Chapter 3, "Ruling Equestria with Lasers", releasing tomorrow! Oh and Chapter 4, "Nightmare Moon vs Lasers". Anyways, I HATH RETURNED! Didja miss me?
Chapter 1 - DiscoveryTwilight Discovers Laser Weapons Chapter 1 - Discovery Written by iAmSiNnEr It was a normal day. A completely normal day. The birds were singing, the clouds were in the sky, the wind was whistling in the ears of ponies. The sun was setting as usual, even as the moon rose into the sky, letting the stars finally come out to display their full splendor. And there sat a lone unicorn in her tower, looking through her telescope to gaze at the stars. Admittedly, a bit early, but it was entirely in her characteristics to be this frantic to catch a meteor streaking past the planet. A whole six hours earlier than the meteorologists predicted the meteor would fall past the planet. “Twilight!” A purple baby dragon with green spikes called up from downstairs. “You need to eat your dinner, or Celestia’ll get mad again!” “Yeah, no thanks,” Twilight muttered. “Food’s not important when it comes to the Storm Meteor. It only comes once an eon!” “Twilight?” Spike called again. “I’ve got daisy sandwiches and hayburgers!” “Not tonight, Spike!” she shouted. “If I miss the Storm Meteor, I’m going to—” A streak of orange light suddenly flew through the sky, and crashed into the ground just outside of Canterlot city limits. Twilight frowned and readjusted the telescope lens. “Did I just imagine it?” She redirected the telescope’s point of view to look at where the orange light had crashed, and she could now see smoke drifting up. “Nope. Did not imagine it. This calls for an investigation—” Her thoughts came to a screeching halt. “Wait. Was that the Storm Meteor?” She adjusted her telescope frantically again. “Nononono it couldn’t be, it’s six hours early, and it was way smaller than it should have been. Maybe another meteor? But most of them aren’t supposed to hit the ground! In fact, the Storm Meteor was expected to fly past Equus’s gravitational field! Maybe someone pulled it? If that, who?” She nodded. “An investigation is warranted! Spiiiiiike! I’m going out!” “You haven’t had your dinner—!” Spike sighed as the unicorn disappeared in a flash of purple light. “Why do I even try?” After a few minutes of calculated teleportation, Twilight arrived at the scene of the crash. She saw a steaming crater, and in the middle of it all, it looked as if the meteor had smashed into the ground and exploded into pieces, leaving nothing but molten rock everywhere. “Well, that’s anticlimactic.” Then she frowned. “What’s that? Did the meteor unearth it?” She slid down the slope, not caring as mud clung to her hooves, and arrived at what looked to be a metal box in the middle of all the rocks and dirt. Her horn lit up as she cast spells to scan the metal rectangular box, but none of her spells registered any material that she knew. She wasn’t even sure if the box was metal. “Well, you know what they say,” she said cheerfully to no one in particular. “No science and magic without risks, right?” Her horn lit, and she used her telekinesis to open up the box. Inside lay several slender tubes with what looked to be glowing fuel sources. Her eyes widened. “Oooh…” Every part of her was now screaming “shiny”. Unable to resist, she levitated one of the items inside up, then examined it. “Is there an off and on switch for this? Maybe this lever’s it?” She pulled on what looked to be a small lever in the middle of it. And a giant laser ray blasted out of the hollow tube and burned through several trees. Then the trees all fell in a straight line, the laser having cut through their trunks cleanly. Twilight’s jaw was hanging down. “WHAT IN CELESTIA—”
Chapter 3 - Ruling Equestria with LasersTwilight Discovers Laser Weapons Chapter 3 - Ruling Equestria With Lasers Written by iAmSiNnEr It was a normal day for the yaks. And for the changelings. And for the kirins. And, bear with me, for the breezies. Oh, and for the dragons too. For Celestia’s sake, how many species are there in Equestria? Anddddd for the griffons too. That’s all of them, right? AND FOR THE WINDIGOS TOO? It was a normal day for every species in Equestria. There, satisfied? “My queen, we’re starving!” A nameless changeling protested. “We don’t have any love!” “Well, go out there and suck some from the ponies!” Chrysalis snapped. “I don’t have any more to give any of you!” “But—” The nameless changeling never did finish his sentence as a bright purple light sliced through the ceiling of the hive and into the throne, carving through it as if it were nothing. Then several other beams of light blasted through absolutely everywhere, yet surprisingly not hitting a single changeling. Then once the beams of light stopped firing, everything crumbled to pieces. Twilight floated in mid-air, satisfied. “There. Now they’ll have to spend the next decade rebuilding their hive, and they won’t have time to try and invade to steal the weapons!” Chrysalis pushed herself out of the rubble of her hive and looked up to see the floating unicorn, who promptly disappeared from existence, onto her next destination to conquer. “Well,” Chrysalis, for once, was at a loss of mean words to say. “That certainly was some power.” Revenge? Possibly. But I LIKE my life. Then we have no choice. This is a warning for us. To stop sucking love from ponies or else we meet the same fate as the hive. Time to be a good changeling queen, and submit our allegiance to our new overlord. Meanwhile, Twilight had teleported to the top of the mountains, ready to invade the yaks next. Then she frowned. “What in Celestia were those bug-like creatures, anyways?” The hive of the changelings were in ruins. The huts of the yaks were in flames. The volcanoes had been cleanly sliced in half, and now the home of the dragons was nothing but lava, which they liked, but Twilight had also used some “Freeze” laser setting that froze the entire fiery wasteland. Now instead of a warm place to rest, all the dragons had were frozen chunks of lava and volcano. The breezies had been ignored, due to how small they were, but they had evacuated after seeing the state of the forest that Twilight had burned through. Now they were preparing an envoy to the new Empress of Equestria, ready to extend a…erm, hoof? Hand? I dunno, they just wanted allegiance, I suppose. The griffons were already in ruins, but Twilight had used her lasers to destroy any chance of them recovering their legendary artifact. She had also ensured to completely wreck the in progress of the building of the mud huts. Long story short, within six days, Twilight had paid every species in Equestria a visit and wrecked any chance they had at invasion of Equestria. Almost everything was either burning, sliced in half, or just simply destroyed by the several other settings the laser had. So, here we are. In the newly repaired throne room of Canterlot, where Twilight sat with a confused expression on her face. For before her, knelt a representative from every race, ready to pledge their allegiance to the new Empress of Equestria, She With the Deadly Weapons. Lame name, I know. But a certain draconequus had whispered the name into the ears of several creatures, so the name stuck. “Erm…” Twilight blinked. “What’s going on here?”
Chapter 4 - Nightmare Moon vs LasersTwilight Discovers Laser Weapons Chapter 4 - Nightmare Moon vs Lasers Written by iAmSiNnEr Did there really need to be a chapter for this? Like seriously, I swear the events were just Nightmare Moon arriving, then Twilight firing several lasers at her. What, you want a chapter? Oh, fine. Nightmare Moon cackled as she stepped into existence, shadows gathering to give her a form as her hooves landed onto the marble of Canterlot Castle. “Fear me, for I, Nightmare Moon, has returned!” None of the maids paid her any attention, only giving her one or two curious glances before continuing on their duties. Nor were there any guards for that matter, it seemed as if there was only housekeeping staff. The dark alicorn was confused, to say the least. This was not how she envisioned her return to be. “SISTER!” She bellowed. “I have returned!” There was no answer. But now, the maids were glaring at her. “Shhh!” one of them shushed her. “Her Royal Empress is sleeping. If you wake her up, we’re going to be in a lot of trouble, then she’s going to make us help her in her experiments!” One of the maids shuddered. “The slime and lasers experiment. Never again.” “Well, her Royal Empress is going to get off her fat rump, for I, Nightmare Moon, have returned!” she announced with the Royal Canterlot Voice. “Fear me, for I have come to conquer Equestria!” “You’re here to conquer Equestria?” A purple unicorn teleported beside her. “Help me sign these forms first, please. And, Spring? Get me some coffee!” One of the maids scampered off instantly, and the rest fled in other directions after figuring out who had arrived. Nightmare Moon looked down at the purple unicorn. “Are you my sister’s secretary, or something?” “Your sister?” Twilight looked at her quizzically. “Oh, Celestia! No, I’m not. I kinda already got rid of her so that I could take over Equestria. I’m the Empress now. Fat load of good it’s doing, I’m buried under so much paperwork everyday. But it’s worth it if I can keep Equestria safe!” “You defeated Celestia?” Nightmare Moon asked incredulously. “You?” “Yep, me!” Twilight answered cheerfully. “Now, please sign here to confirm that I am not liable for your life insurance, since you attempted to take over Equestria, and sign here saying that your life insurance will pay out any damages caused to the Canterlot Castle or its surrounding lands.” “Um. Okay?” Nightmare Moon took the quill instinctively and signed. “What’s even the point here?” “So that I can absolutely defeat you with no consequences!” “Pardon my Prench, but what is life insurance?” A slow blink. Twilight tilted her head. “Which era are you from?” “I was trapped in the moon for a thousand years by my sister because I went insane due to the ponies not loving me. But now that you’ve defeated her…I..suppose I have to defeat you to be the true Empress of Equestria— wait, where did the unicorn go?” Twilight had vanished, but Nightmare Moon could hear the pitter patter of her hooves as Twilight galloped somewhere else. “Little whelp, you coward! Come back here! You pretended to empathize with my situation to get me distracted, you deserve to be blasted into—” Nightmare Moon skidded to a halt inside the throne room, where Twilight was sitting on the throne. Beside Twilight, several hollow barrels of some kind of weapon were pointed at her, like a miniaturized cannon. Inside the weapons, glowing fuel sources could be seen. “Thank you for your attempt at conquering Equestria,” Twilight said with a smile. “You have only made us stronger. Although, cleaning up later is going to be painful…” The last thing Nightmare Moon saw was the glaring light of several beams blasting straight at her. Then as the light exploded against her, she heard Twilight sighing. “Really, did Celestia store all her villains away or something? I’ll need to hunt them down…” And Nightmare Moon managed one final sentence. “CURSE YOU, YOU CAKE LOVING BIG BUTT CELESTIAAAAAAA—” And then the lasers caused her to explode. Author's Note Chapter 3 and 4 are out! Next up, Chapter 5, chapter 6 will be the day after tomorrow. Thank you for your patronage, now remember that Twilight has lasers and is not afraid to use them. Can anything even stop her now?
Chapter 5 - The Planning BeginsTwilight Discovers Laser Weapons Chapter 5 - The Planning Begins Written by iAmSiNnEr It is now six months after the defeat of Nightmare Moon. Equestria is prospering. Or so we think. I mean, Twilight essentially defeated every villain there was to defeat within two weeks. Except a certain unicorn that had control over a certain town in a certain location. Was she really a villain though? Now seeing the dictatorship spreading through Equestria, Starlight Glimmer, ironically, started a plan to stop Twilight Sparkle. And to do so, she would need help. Help to do what, you ask? Why, steal the lasers, of course! Firstly, she snuck into the Canterlot Royal Archives, to investigate the origins of the weapons. Nada. Next, she looked up the Yellow Pages for any pony or creature that could help her. Chrysalis? Dead end. Poor queen was too scared of ending up like her throne. Tirek? Not willing to leave Tartarus after Twilight threatened him and gave a demonstration of her new weapons. Not before he did try to suck the magic out of them, though. But as we know, there was no magic at all to be found in a technological weapon. Sombra? For some reason, Sombra didn’t return even after Twilight force summoned the Crystal Empire back into existence and made them swear allegiance to Equestria. Maybe he was too scared? Nah. Twilight just resurrected him first, threatened the spell to get the Crystal Empire back out of him, then lasered him. Any other possible allies? Apparently none. Except the voice that was constantly whispering in her ear to go to the statue garden and look for a certain statue. Like, seriously. Who would ever listen to a strange voice in their ears unless they were desperate? …wait. Nevermind. Let’s forget those words were ever uttered. Starlight Glimmer was desperate. So here we are, in the statue garden. And in front of the statue of the draconequus we love and hate so much. “Okay, I’m here,” Starlight said. “Conveniently.” Yes, conveniently. Now, let’s proceed with the story, shall we? “Free me!” the voice whispered. “Cause some chaos!” “Hmm.” Starlight mused. “Will this work?” She caused some chaos. And the stone cracked and broke open, revealing a creature that had a mismatch of different animals. He looked like an abomination, if I did say so myself. “You look like an abomination,” Starlight announced. “Are you the voice that has been whispering in my ears?” “Well, yes, I am, dear Glimmy,” Discord rubbed his hands together. “You and I are going to enact a plan to overthrow our dear Empress, Twilight Sparkle. And to do that, you and I will need to sign a contract.” “What contract?” Starlight tilted her head. “That neither of us will try to betray the other,” Discord did a loop-de-loop. “Sounds fair?” “It does, indeed,” Starlight nodded. “Um. How do we do this?” “Off screen, of course! Otherwise, it’d be just boring!” Discord pouted. “Right now, we need to think of a name to call us! Hmm. How about the Chaos Circle?” “No. Too cliche.” “I got it!” Discord snapped his claws. “The DiscLight!” “We’re not a couple, Discord.” “Then what would you even want to call us?” Discord sighed. “Like, come on, Glimmy, you’ve got to give us something.” “How about— DUCK!” “Duck?” Discord tilted his head. “That sounds like an excellent name! How ever did you think of—” And a laser sliced through his head, eviscerating it. “Well, that wasn’t very nice,” Discord’s disembodied voice said. “We were just discussing group names!” “DISCORD!” Twilight shouted from a castle window overlooking the statue garden. “Submit, or face the consequences!” “I think not! I will see you in the next chapter, Twilight Sparkle!” He snapped his fingers, and both he and Starlight disappeared. Some awkward silence for a few seconds, then Discord reappeared, still headless. “Sorry,” his disembodied voice said. “I need to grab what remains of my head real quick so I can regenerate…ah, here!” He grabbed the horn left on the ground. “We shall see you in the next—EEP!” He hastily teleported away as Twilight started firing more lasers. “COME BACK HERE YOU STUPID SPIRIT OF DISHARMONY—!” Author's Note Oh dear. I almost fell asleep before I remembered I had a chapter to post.
Chapter 6 - The Plan Was SimpleTwilight Discovers Laser Weapons Chapter 6 -The Plan Was Simple Written by iAmSiNnEr The plan was simple. Starlight would sneak into the vault as Discord distracted Twilight. Seriously, that was the entire plan. But to no one’s surprise, the plan failed catastrophically. “Okay, I have a question,” Starlight said dryly. “You said that this would be easy.” “I did!” Discord cheerfully replied. “So why are we trapped in a giant pit with laser weapons pointing at us?” “Hmm. I would assume that we underestimated her defenses,” Discord remarked as he peeled open a banana and started eating the peel. “Either that or the giant cotton candy elephant was not enough of a distraction.” “Hmph.” Starlight grumbled. “Looks like we’ll need bigger guns.” “That would be accurate.” Discord threw the peel-free banana away. “Let us look for these bigger guns.” He snapped his fingers as the weapons fired once more. “An alliance,” Sombra mused, having come back from the dead due to Discord pulling some shenanigans. “To defeat Twilight Sparkle.” “And her lasers,” Starlight interrupted. “The lasers are very important.” “Of course, of course,” Sombra waved a hoof. “The details can be hashed out later. So it’s only the three of us in this alliance?” “I suppose,” Discord examined his ice cream cone. “I mean, do we really need more allies?” They were now in a giant pit of slime. “We need more allies.” Starlight muttered as Discord snapped his fingers just as the laser weapons fired once again. “Okay, so, like, I knoooow you’re the Father of Monsters,” Discord said placatingly. “But! You’re the only one who I know isn’t, like, completely scared of Twilight Sparkle that’s left free. I mean, I freed you, but details, schemegails.” “I shall destroy this Twilight Sparkle myself!” Grogar bellowed. “Watch as I consume Equestria in eternal darkness and allow my children to rule it once more!” Grogar appeared as the magic circle activated, having been reincarnated by Discord. “Allies?” Discord licked at his ice cream. “Allies.” They were now in a giant birdcage, and this time there were anti-teleport runes and spells cast on it. “Now, this is a pickle,” Discord examined the birdcage as the weapons began charging up. “Any plans, Glimmer, Sombra or Grogar?” “Just one.” The weapons fired. “You know, we really gotta stop doing this reincarnation thing,” Sombra grumbled. “It’s painful.” “Hey, it worked!” Discord grinned. “Although, we might need to spend some time putting Starlight’s soul together, it’s a bit jumbled since it’s her first reincarnation.” Starlight’s eyes were completely blank as she sat in the circle that she had been reincarnated from. “Who’s with me to visit her town and grab pieces of her soul?” A collective groan from both Sombra and Grogar. “Okay, seriously,” Discord laced his fingers together. “I really couldn’t think of anyone else to ask help from.” Tirek raised an eyebrow. “Very well, Lord of Chaos. Let us be allies.” Tirek did not, in fact, want to be allies. I’d tell you about his subsequent betrayal and attempt to take over Equestria, but it was really too boring. Let us refer you to the canon where Twilight and him battled, except that this time Twilight easily won. “Chrysalis?” “I’m in, but only if you don’t tell her I’m helping you.” “Done.” “Buttersticks.” They had now been trapped in a room that was rapidly closing upon them as the laser weapons charged up. “At least this time we can teleport.” Fingers were snapped. Rinse and repeat many, many times.
Chapter 7 - The Great HeisteningTwilight Discovers Laser Weapons Chapter 7 - The Great Heistening Written by iAmSiNnEr Research was needed. So Starlight sought out books. The whole “Ocean’s no. something” series, and even grabbed a few Heist 101 books. To make sure they worked, she heisted the books from the library, much to the bewilderment of the librarians who watched a mare in a catsuit trying to sneak past the front counter by crawling. Discord called upon his friends from…well, it’s hard to tell. But he grabbed a few friends, and tossed them into the castle again and again to test the defenses. Discord has very few friends now. Next, we had Chrysalis ordering her changelings to discover weaknesses in the castle defenses. They managed to find two: whenever the delivery pony came with the books Twilight Sparkle ordered, Twilight Sparkle would open a direct portal for the delivery pony to deliver the books to her personal library, which in turn had a door to the vault. Secondly, Twilight Sparkle loved coffee. So much so that whenever Twilight woke up in the morning, she had no other focus but coffee. And so, a plan was hatched. The delivery pony set down the box of books in the library, and tipped his hat to Twilight Sparkle. “Good day, Miss,” he said politely. “Many books this time, sorry for the delay.” “No, no,” Twilight assured him. “It is absolutely my bad. I ordered Express Shipping for sixty books, which must have put stress on the system. I apologize. Here, take this tip for your troubles.” She teleported in a bag of bits. “Share these with your coworkers,” she said cheerfully. “You all are doing great!” The delivery pony smiled. “I will, thank you, ma’am.” He then stepped through the portal to leave. Twilight then teleported away, and the lights dimmed in the library. The box then burst open, revealing a very sweaty Starlight and Trixie together in the box. “Trixie told you the bribe would work!” the showmare crowed as she clambered out of the box, getting herself out first. “Besides, Trixie is always right!” “Yeah, yeah,” Starlight grumbled. “Now, let’s hope Discord and Chrysalis are doing their parts…” FIVE HOURS AGO, HEIST FLASHBACK “Part one of the plan,” Starlight said. “We sneak into the castle by using the delivery system. We can go invisible.” “That’s not going to work,” Chrysalis shook her head. “Our magic would set the detectors off. We’ll need another plan.” “I know someone who could help,” Discord snapped his claws. “She is an incredible master of illusions and showponyship. This should be easy for her. In fact, I already contacted her.” “Say what?” SIX HOURS AGO, SECOND HEIST FLASHBACK “Yo, Great and Powerful Trixie,” Discord teleported into her caravan. “I need your help. If you help me, I’ll make you famous.” “Done. Trixie will help.” “And now Trixie will help you!” the unicorn said gleefully as she teleported in. “So, this is what we’re gonna do…” THREE HOURS LATER, NEGATIVE FIRST FLASHBACK Trixie pushed Starlight into the box, the delivery pony watching with amusement. “This’ll work, Trixie guarantees it!” the unicorn said cheerfully as she continued stuffing Starlight down using her hooves. “The box is lined with anti-detection material, so we’ll get past their defenses easily!” “So why do I have to go first?” Starlight whined. “This is uncomfortable!” “Because Trixie needs her pony pillow!” Trixie laughed out loud. “Delivery pony, enjoy the gems, for the Great and Powerful Trixie shall now disappear!” She threw down a smoke bomb, and she jumped into the box before sealing it after her using her magic while Starlight cried in pain. The delivery pony rolled his eyes. “I don’t get paid enough for this—” Then he scratched his head. “Wait. I did get paid for this.” He shrugged and lifted the box up, slotting it into the chariot. Now, what was Discord doing? Author's Note I apologize for the delay, but here's the next chapter!
Chapter 2 - The Stages of TwilightingTwilight Discovers Laser Weapons Chapter 2 -The Five Stages of Twilighting Written by iAmSiNnEr For absolutely no reason, Twilight was alone as she stared at the weapon in her levitation. No other ponies came to investigate what was definitely a dangerous weapon slicing many trees in half, nor did any animal make any noise. Twilight was, conveniently, alone to process her thoughts. This is a weapon that could destroy Equestria’s defenses. This is a weapon that could kill many ponies. I can’t let any pony else get this weapon. Otherwise they could bring ruin to Equestria. Some part of her noted that her body was numb. I can’t hide this in my tower. Celestia could find it, and then she would scold me for not turning it over to her. And I can’t turn it over to her. She would just lock it in the royal vault, and that stupid Blueblood can get in there. And then if he finds the weapons… She shuddered at the thought. Maybe if I strip Blueblood of his royal status? But how? Celestia has always refused… But what if I was the one in power? The ruler of Equestria? I would have the resources to design a vault strong enough to contain the power of these weapons. I could strip Blueblood of his status. She nodded to herself. Then it’s settled. I will take over the entirety of Equestria so I can safeguard these weapons from threats, and use it against those who might threaten my country. Celestia, I’m coming home. I’m so very sorry. A purple beam of thin light sliced through the castle as Twilight trotted into the building, holding her newly acquired weapons by her side as she activated them periodically, ensuring not to overheat any of them. She had found out what would happen if she did the hard way. She was now one short of the eight she had found inside the metal cache. The castle was burning behind them, tapestries alight with flames, even as the Royal Guard scrambled to muster a defense against her attack, golden armored ponies rushing to intercept her as she made her way to the throne room. With deadly accuracy, Twilight aimed the weapons’ killing light through the armor straps without hitting a single pony, causing the armor to fall. Surprisingly, she did not hit a single pony, but the act caused many of them to flee in fear from the weapons she wielded. After all, what chance did they stand if the deadly light could burn through even their armor? She stepped into the throne room, and there sat Celestia, watching her closely. “What is the meaning of this, Twilight?” she asked calmly. “I know you have your strange moments, but you must admit, a full scale attack on my castle is beyond your usual experiments.” “Give the throne up peacefully, Celestia,” Twilight replied. “You have biases that might cause the downfall of Equestria. I do not have such biases, and as such I can wield the power of Equestria more efficiently than you can.” Celestia stared at her. “Twilight, are you okay?” “I see,” Twilight sighed. “Then I have no choice.” She turned the dial of the weapon to adjust it to “Explosions” mode. Laser explosions. Don’t ask how she managed to find out that was an option. She just did. All Twilights are gravitated towards explosions. “Fire.” And a giant laser struck Celestia and exploded. As it struck her, Twilight could hear one final shout. “WHAT IN MY SISTER’S LOVE FOR THE NIGHT? SHE ACTUALLY—” Then Celestia exploded as the laser weapons fired again. Author's Note The story is complete, with an undefined amount of chapters. I like to keep my audience guessing, hehe. But stay tuned for Chapter 3, "Ruling Equestria with Lasers", releasing tomorrow! Oh and Chapter 4, "Nightmare Moon vs Lasers". Anyways, I HATH RETURNED! Didja miss me?
