Laugh Riot

by Horn Horse

Rating: mature
Tags: Profanity, Violence, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human, Original Character, Comedy, Adventure, Sex
Length: 25034

Who is this Earth Pony? Rumors of bad omens, shifts in power wherever he goes, and have you heard about the company he keeps? What could this pony possibly want?

When I stepped outside, all I wanted was to cool off after a fight with a friend. What I didn't want was to be turned into a horse and catapulted into an adventure with a bunch of quadrupedal nutjobs. Lesson learned, folks. Never step outside. Alright, no need to panic. There's gotta be a way to get home. Absolutely no reason to panic. So what if there's a hungry dragon, a dark sorceress, a couple of secret societies, ancient evils, a pissed off Princess here and there. It's nothing at all so stop panicking!

I won't be home by Christmas, will I?

Published 2023-02-09 22:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2023-04-09 00:34:56 UTC

Chapter 1 - Bou

Have you ever fallen through space and time? Because I have now. One minute I'm standing in front of the big ol' Christmas tree at the center of town, the next I'm waking up in a blazing crater like everything that came before was just a dream. My immediate reality was the one that was more dream-like though. The ground was alight with dancing blue and purple flames. I could feel their warmth. More dancing colors in my peripheral vision drew my gaze to the sky. I was greeted with an aurora unlike anything I've ever seen. Okay, time to figure out literally what in the blazes is going on. I moved my arm to try and push myself up off the ground. Immediately things felt off. Everything felt off. My eyes darted back down, and where my perfectly human arms should be were two bizarrely-proportioned things covered in green fur. I could... feel them. I clopped them together. That's the sound they made. Clop. It felt like tapping my fingernails together, if my fingernails were fused into the size of a novelty mug. I shifted in my new body to adjust the discomfort from whatever I had just sat on, and then I reflexively... pulled with my ass. No, that's not right. Why do I have something on my ass I can move? I bend my neck back to look, and my heart jumped. Both because my neck can now move in ways it couldn't before, and because I had a tail that I was apparently sitting on. The tail was a wavy sash of yellow hair with a streak of cyan running through it. I... this was definitely a dream. That's what I told myself as my heart began to surge with adrenaline. Even my heart didn't feel right. Don't panic, you've just been watching too much pony. That's what I told myself, even though I actually hadn't watched My Little Pony in a while since that show ended. My priorities shifted with my attention. A high-pitched giggling could be clearly heard just to my left. If that wasn't alarming enough, my ears moving by reflex in the direction of the sound was a new sensation that my brain was not prepared for. I carefully turned my head, the action also making it known to me that my field of view was different from what I was used to. I had new eyes. Those new eyes found big, curious eyes staring back. The stare came with a glow. A glowing stare. A glare. Those orange peepers had a fire all their own thanks to two... blacklights... hanging over them? In those two seconds to process what I was looking at, the better part of me reacted to being looked at like that in the first place. I fell back with a yelp, all four of my new hooves flailing in the air. Oh good, my voice was still my own at least. I squirmed on the ground in a struggle with my new body until I dared a glance back at whatever was staring at me. It was gone. No, it was in the distance now. But it had moved fast, and without a sound it would seem. Those eyes were peering at me over the ridge of the crater that I was laying in. The silhouette against the aurora was distinct. From the antlers and the distinct shape of the ears, I could tell that this was some kind of animal.

"Hello!" A voice called out from the animal's direction. "Are you okay, little pony?"

A shrill, frustrated, undignified yelp was the first response that came from me. But words soon followed in the same tone, "I don't know what's going on!"

"I know," the high-pitched voice tried to assure me. It sounded like a girl, "Wow, did you come down on that lucky star?" The creature rose from its hiding spot atop the edge of the crater. And then it rose some more. "Things are pretty scary right now, huh?" It was a reindeer, and the damn thing was speaking in a girl's voice and floating towards me with those glowing eyes.

This did nothing to help the panic in me and I groaned while trying to back up. "Please... Oh, God..." I flinched as the back of my neck got too close to the blue and purple flames crackling around me in the crater.

"No, no, no! Easy, easy!" The little reindeer waved her hooves in front of her. She sounded concerned, despite her glare. "You're terrified. Oh, poor thing." She hung in the air just a couple feet above me. "Can you get up? Are you hurt?" She glanced back in the direction she came from, looking a little frightened herself.

Does suddenly not being human count as an injury? 'Hey, I've been turned into a pony. Can I go home?' The ridiculous question flashed in my mind with my Kuzconian situation as I rolled over onto my belly. My new hooves fell into place pretty intuitively, ready to lift me up to a standing position. It all felt so weird. My tail reflexively flicked, but then I did it again on purpose to get a feel for it. "...Nothing hurts." I eventually responded to the bizarre creature. When I craned my neck to try and find her, she had silently floated much closer to me when I wasn't looking. I gave another nervous yelp and landed back on my rump again. Without my tail in the way, a certain impact made me keenly aware of the fact that I wasn't wearing any clothes. "My clothes! My jacket, my phone in my jacket... What happened to them?" I glanced down at my light green fur.

"Yeah, you must have come down on that lucky star. Nopony would make it up here without warm coverings." The spooky reindeer nodded, still eyeing me curiously with a little smile on her face. "What was it like?"

"Uh..." I had to admit, her words had me a little lost.

"Actually, do you want to come back with me? I can find something warm for you at home. Ho-ho-honnesberg is only a little ways that-a-way!" She pointed with her hoof. "And The Lord of Luck will love to hear about a pony riding a lucky star!"

Ho-ho-honnesberg? Lord of Luck? "Hey... thing. You wanna slow it down with the proper nouns maybe?" I was back up to standing now. I tentatively put a hoof forward in the direction she had pointed in.

"I'm Bou, silly." She giggled and slowly started floating in the same direction. Her hooves moved as if she were walking on air. "What's your name?"

As if I would tell this magical mutant stranger my name. Then again, I did have that pony OC I made once. I didn't exactly look like him but I guessed that the name would do in this situation. "Just, uh... Just call me Riot." I stared down at my front hooves, slowly putting one in front of the other. If you go back far enough in a human's lineage, we were quadrupeds at some point. Right? I was hoping that meant something in this case.

"Are you sure nothing hurts, Riot?" The little reindeer named Bou eyed me questioningly as she watched me struggle to carry myself.

"I'm fine. I'm totally fine. Don't even need magic. Magic isn't even real. I only need my feet, my grit, and-" As I grumbled my way up the crater the heat of the flames grew more distant. It wasn't until I had poked my head above the crater's edge that I got a blast of arctic wind in my face. A greeting from the frozen lands I had apparently landed in. My enormous eyes squinted against the gale. Bou didn't flinch, still smiling with that warm mocha fur and that thick purple floof around her neck. I bet her magic helped too.

"And a friend to guide you to town?" She asked, but her tone had an insistence to it. I sighed and followed along after her.

"It fuckin' wimdy," I groaned through clenched teeth. At least it wasn't snowing. At least my guide was easy to see with the way her blacklight antlers made the snow around her glow. Still my new fur coat did little to protect me against the bitter cold. The snow bunching up in the fleshy space under my hooves felt like having a hole in my shoe.

"You're going to love my home town!" The reindeer almost sing-songed with giddiness. She pranced in mid-air around me as we trudged in the direction she pointed us in. "They have things decorated for Hearth's Warming Eve right now. That's all well and good but you should really see it on Nightmare Night! I do all the decorating myself! No one else seems to like Nightmare Night all that much up here. But it's the best holiday ever and Hearth's Warming Eve could use more of a Nightmare Night touch but they never let me decide what Hearth's Warming Eve should look like but could you imagine? Oh, it would be horrible!" She rambled on about her passion with that same giddy grin on her face, even when using words like 'horrible' in that way. My eyes followed her every time she circled back around to my field of view.

"...What's it like?" I eventually asked when it started to settle with me that she was using freaking magic! She cut herself off mid-rant and skidded to a stop with a wide-eyed look on her face. She was mid-air about a foot above me, so I didn't have the slightest clue where the sound of skidding came from.

"'What's it like?' Why, haven't you ever seen a Nightmare Night before, little pony? The candy, the costumes, the spooky decorations and the macabre themes! Oh, it has changed since Princess Luna came back into the public for sure, but it's still the bestest most-"

"I mean your magic." I slowed down a bit to raise a hoof and urge her to stop rambling. "What's your magic like?"

Bou had continued prancing through the air in the direction she meant to guide me, but she gave me that questioning look over her shoulder again. "I dunno, I never thought about it too much. Reindeer have their own kind of magic, but I guess it's not too different from any of your unicorn friends."

I had an 'Oh, duh' reaction in my train of thought and my hoof zoomed up to my head. I was still unused to my new proportions so of course I end up clocking myself in the face. "Ow!" And when I did, sure enough, there was no spiraling keratin growing out of my forehead.

"Easy now, Riot. If you mush your own brain then I might as well start on next year's Nightmare Night!" A high-pitched cackle of a giggle echoed across the frozen wastes as she succumb to her own sense of humor. I ignored her comment and turned my neck back in the new way that I could now. I didn't feel anything before, so I wasn't surprised to find that I was missing the wings of a pegasus. Earth Pony it is. Great. No flying, no telekinesis. I could end up farming straw, and I'll grow the short straw every time.

"You said reindeer have their own magic. Do you mean like the Gift Givers of the Grove?" I vaguely remembered what little development reindeer got on the show. Those three did have a pretty unique kind of magic.

"Yes, that's right! Reindeer are all about cultural celebrations! We each have a magical talent that helps with our passions. For example, I can sense the fears of ponies and creatures. The Lord of Luck has his good and bad omens, not to mention his passive luck of course. Donner's magic is less specific though. I guess it doesn't work the same for every reindeer. Oh, but the Gift Givers-" She cut herself off in the middle of her stream of consciousness again and turned to peer at me with that trademark glare. "Hey, hardly anypony knows about the Gift Givers of the Grove in the first place! How do you know about them?"

'Because they're cartoon characters that someone wrote into a show.' Yeah, I'm not answering with that. "Uhhh, I-I know many things," I stuck my muzzle into the air indignantly. "In fact, I heard it straight from Pinkie Pie's mouth I'll have you know." Technically the truth.

"Oh, okay then!" Bou grinned sweetly and turned back around to continue. There was silence for a few minutes. I watched the dancing aurora in the sky to try and take my mind off of how I was naked and freezing. It didn't work.

Despite how cold it was, the ridge we were approaching seemed to have scorch marks on it. I looked back on the path we came from and noticed that there had been a groove melted in the snow all the way up to the crater that I had just pulled myself from. "Hey, Bou..." I asked quietly. She didn't seem to respond so I spoke up, "Bou!"

"Yeah, Riot?" She turned her gaze from the glow over the next ridge and looked back at me.

"You said you can sense fear?"

"Uh huh, all the time," she responded very matter-of-factly.

"So, uh... I guess you could tell how scared I was back there?"

"You mean how scared you still are?" She tilted her head, her words leaving no room for subtlety. I turned my gaze away from her glare. "Well we can change that. Check it out!" She pointed her hoof forward as we came over the ridge. A warm yellow glow washed over us from the symphony of decorative lights. I could only describe it as 'Christmas Town' even though I knew that Christmas wasn't a thing here. "Welcome to Ho-ho-honnesberg, my home!"

The buildings broke up the wind. The ambient warmth of the magic lights and heated homes started to help the freezing off of my ass as we strode into town. There was a distinct constant echo of sleigh bells as reindeer flew and trotted this way and that. Some of them bore a curious glance at the new Earth Pony in town, but their expressions changed for the worse when they saw who I was with.

"Isn't this place the best? Let me give you the full tour!" Bou flew a quick circle around me and then trotted on the air to different buildings that were in view. "We have a printer who can make anything into greeting cards or wrapping paper."

"Bou! It was you who filled the stockings with rubber spiders, wasn't it?" An indignant reindeer poked his head out of the window, eyeing the smaller Bou with scrutiny.

"Heehee! That was a trick!" She quickly disengaged and flitted across the street to a different building with an active chimney. "There's also a bakery for making candies and sweets for any occasion!"

"Bou! Candy canes are supposed to be white and red, not black and orange! You ruined the whole batch!" Another reindeer poked his head out of that window, his impressive antlers decorated with the very dourly-colored confectioneries he was referring to.

"That was a treat!" Bou sped off back to me. The candy canes on the buck's antlers jingled a little as he shook his hoof in anger. As Bou bounded through the air around me, we quickly came upon a cobblestone rotunda crowned with a rather fancy-looking winter lodge. The rotunda was adorned with a massive and festively-decorated tree. One to rival the one I knew from back home. The opposite outlet for the rotunda led to a hill with a few more homes at the top. Bou spiraled up the tree, and then back down before turning back to me with the same unfaltering enthusiasm, "And a cultural town center for sharing songs and oral tradition!"

"Bou! The kids won't touch the dishes! They think the kitchen drain is gonna eat them! Did you tell them that story about the Smooze again?" An older doe had stepped out onto her porch just across from the lodge. She was levitating a dish rag to point it accusingly in Bou's direction with the magic of her antlers.

"The original and the remake!" Bou had the proudest grin. The other doe just gave a roll of her eyes and threw the rag down in frustration before returning inside.

As we strolled into the town center, I couldn't help but notice the scorches and burns on a lot of the rooftops. A couple of the homes near the edge of town looked like they had chunks taken off of their eaves and beams. Not to mention the dark-blue plume of smoke coming from atop the hill. Clearly something had happened. "Uh, Bou?"

"We're almost at my home. We can get you into some warm clothes. It's up this hill." She started to guide me to the other cobblestone road. But the reminder that I was naked really jettisoned my mind back into an immediate perspective.

"Wait!" I called to her. She halted in the air and turned back to me. I looked around at the quiet-but-lively day going on in town and quickly trotted up to a random buck on the street. "Sir! Sir, please!"

The buck looked back and forth, confused for a moment before spotting my lower stature. "Oh! Hey, little pony." He greeted me casually.

"Right! I'm a pony. And you're a reindeer, right?" The buck quirked a brow but gave an affirmative nod. "And her!" I hooked a foreleg over Bou's shoulder and pulled her out of the air and closer to me, "She's a reindeer too, right? You can see her?" My other front hoof pointed at her to make it obvious who I meant.

The older buck's expression fell a bit, unsure of what to make of this line of questioning. "Hi, Bou." He greeted his neighbor in a deadpan tone.

"Hey, Frederick. Oof!" Bou gave an awkward little wave before I let her go and the pull of her magic jerked her back into the air.

"Thank you. I just wanted to be sure." The buck gave a shrug and kicked off into the air. I got a face full of road snow and he flew away. The cold on my face made the recent exchange all the more clear. Yep, none of this was a dream.

Bou watched the buck trot off to a different part of town before looking back at me with a mirthful grin. "Pfft, what was that? You're weird, Riot."

I didn't respond, as I was now on my haunches. Rump and junk on the cold stone as the reality of it all settled in. I'm naked and cold. I'm not home. I'm not myself. I'm in a cartoon world for no goddamn reason. I'm a horse now. I had a magical manic pixie caribou chattering in my ear. I have no idea what happened. How. Why. I could feel the adrenaline, but the panic felt different. I had a new heart. A horse's heart. That wasn't my heart beating in this chest. Or was it? I slowly opened my muzzle for the only words that came to mind in this moment. "AAAA-"

"Bou!" My train of thought and its full cargo of existential dread was derailed by a new voice. It was a booming, wrathful voice that struck the fear of a scolding parent into my heart. Both Bou and myself snapped our necks towards the hill, and I was surprised to find that the source of such a mighty bellow had come from a creature half my size. It was a reindeer for sure. But it looked a bit more like a toy poodle. Or a topiary, considering the green fur and floof. The antlers branched out proudly, despite their proportionate size, and looked like polished gold. Bushy red eyebrows glowered at us. This little thing looked like it was squaring up. And not just because of the square shape to its scowling red beard.

I puffed out a chuckle at the sight of this reindeer who was even smaller than Bou, "Oh my god, it's adorable." Bou dropped from the air and sat on her haunches at my side. She wasn't laughing.

"Lo-Lord of Luck? Um, h-hi-h-hello..." She stammered with her ears tucked back. It was jarring to see her demeanor change so quickly. Before I even noticed, the tiny green one had closed the distance on us with that livid glare. A true glare, nothing like Bou's blacklit irises.

"None of that, lassie!" The apparent 'Lord of Luck' addressed her with the heaviest Irish accent I had ever heard. I suppressed another wheeze of laughter. Even I can read the room. "Where have ye been!? Didn' ye listen to a word?" He paused, allowing Bou to have something to say for herself.

"Oh, well you see..."As Bou explained herself, her cadence quickly returned to her usual rambling pace, "I was out closer to the pole and I saw a lucky star come down and I got excited because I had never seen that before and I thought it might have been the same lucky star I made a wish on last night so I-"

"You WHAT!?" The Lord of Luck cut her off. The look in his eyes made me flinch too. Bou was silent now, and she just looked away sheepishly. "Ah, so you know yer in trouble. Well you don' know the half of it, Bou! Come!"

The Lord of Luck beckoned Bou to follow him up the hill. Her enthusiasm lost, she followed on the road she was initially going to guide me on. My hooves on the cobblestone were the only sound in the awkward silence until we came to the top of the hill. Bou let out a gasp. The dark-blue smoke had been coming from the ruins of a lodge. Several reindeer were flying around the site with buckets of snow. They all looked exhausted, as if they had spent all evening working to put out the fire. Those familiar blue and purple flames now glowed as cinders in the lump of charcoal that was once someone's house. Chunks of wood and burned housewares littered the cul de sac at the top of the hill. Bou's shocked expression told everything. I spoke softly to try and console her, "Oh my God... Bou, your home..."

"Oh, my house is over there," Bou indicated the much smaller house that was just next door to the left of the wreckage. It was in very good condition, untouched by whatever disaster had just occurred.

"Aye! That was my home!" The Lord of Luck bellowed while pointing at the burned rubble. "I told ye, Bou! Bad! Omens! All about you! Your so-called 'lucky star' nearly obliterated me, and half the town with it!" He made clear hoof-quotes before gesturing towards the line of barely-avoided destruction that singed the roofs of the town.

I wasn't crazy about Bou, but she had been nothing but nice and friendly to me since I woke up in that crater and now this tiny creature was jumping down her throat over something that she clearly wasn't around for. A frown came over me and I chose to speak up in her defense, "Hey! None of that was her fault!"

The little green caribou turned his attention to me for the first time since I had first seen him. He looked me up and down and then spoke, his tone did not change, "Do you know who I am?"

"I've heard you're the Lord of Luck?" I deadpanned, with a sassy emphasis on every consonant as his title left my lips.

"And do you see what happened to me home?" He waved his hoof at the smoldering blue and purple embers that were once his residence.

"I do," I calmly shot back. Bou was sitting next to me with a foreleg raised. She was subtly shaking her head trying to urge me against my words.

"And have ye any idea of what that means, laddie?" The half-pint buck was floating in my face now. The glow of his golden antlers was hard to look at this close up, but my expression did not flinch.

"It means you need a new title?" My ears twitched in the direction when Bou's hoof met her face. The Lord of Luck looked shocked, and it was an effort not to smirk.

"Wh-wha-I-I-Oh! Oh, why you..." He stammered indignantly as a wind started swirling in the air between us. "Who even is this pony!?" He barked at Bou who visibly flinched behind her facehoof.

"Um... He's the lucky star... sir," she muttered.

"What?" I tilted my head at her, genuinely confused.

"I found you in that crater, remember?" She growled at me.

"WH-WHAT!?" The Lord of Luck's indignant scowl turned into utter rage. A green-tinted wind spiraled around his golden antlers now, and the dying embers in the wreckage suddenly burst to life again as a magical blaze. The few reindeer who were still tending to the site had to dodge out of the way when the flames reached up like little geysers. I was a few feet away from the livid Lord of Luck, but I could still feel the heat of his antlers. My ears pulled back just like Bou's had. Okay, this was bad. The little guy was very magical and very pissed off. "I warned you, Bou! Bad omens all over you! And this.. this... pony, too! Oh, you're in for some bad luck, laddie! And that ain't no omen, neither! I oughta drive a snake like you back where you came from!"

My lips turned up a little and I put a hoof up to say, "Oh, if you could..." I trailed off when steam started trailing from the Lord of Luck's nostrils, his glare set on me.

"My Lord! Oh, Lord of Luck!" A woman's voice came from behind us. The Lord of Luck's attention turned to the source, and his rage quickly turned down. The flames in the wreckage didn't go out, but they were manageable now. Still much to the volunteer firefighters' disappointment, as they had already put those flames out as best they could.

Bou and I glanced back behind us. An older doe was trotting on the air towards us. "Not now, Vixen. This here is a bit of importance." The Lord of Luck's voice was still agitated.

"It's Alice, my Lord!" Vixen quickly explained, "She sent a letter ahead. She says that whatever is going on here, everyone needs to stay put."

The Lord of Luck completely shifted gears from threatening me. "Buh-buh-bwha!?" His poor little heart wasn't getting a break today, it seemed. "One of the Gift Givers is coming up from the Grove? Wait, 'whatever is going on here?' Did she say that in the letter?" Confusion was tightening up his brow.

"Indeed I did," another new voice called from above. Oh great, now what? All eyes looked to the aurora-lit sky to see a yellow reindeer lit by the teal glow of her antlers. Although she was a fully-grown doe, her freckles and decorative red bow collar gave her a look of youthful wonder. Her sleigh bell gave a little jingle as she landed between the Lord of Luck and us. "You got my letter, then?" This was Alice! I remember her from the show!

The Lord of Luck exchanged a look with Vixen, both seemed pretty confused. "Um, yes... Just now."

"Ah... Yes... I guess my timing was off..." The mystical doe blushed a little and turned her attention to the domestic carnage behind the Lord. Her expression seemed distant, but curious as she stepped softly towards the flames.

"Deerest Gift Giver of the Grove, what brings you into town? And how come the others did not accompany you?" The Lord asked with a careful tone. He even knelt as he addressed her. Vixen and Bou followed suit in the corner of my eye. Clearly all of these reindeer held a great reverence for the Gift Givers. It made sense, I supposed. This whole town seemed to care about Hearth's Warming Eve more than anywhere else in... I guess I was in Equestria, wasn't I?

"My job, Lord of Luck. I'm here to do my job," she turned back towards us. Her eyes fell on me. Those eyes went to my left to hang on Bou for a few seconds, but then they were back to me. But it didn't really feel like she was looking at either of us.

We were all quiet until I dared to break the silence. "So you're-"

"Get out." Alice interrupted me with a firm and lucid tone.

"What?" It was all I could muster. That had caught me completely off guard.

"Huh?" Bou seemed to have been distracted by a thought, but she snapped out of it when Alice's gaze darted back to her.

"The both of you," her eyes were looking directly at us now. No doubt about it. "Pack your things. You have to leave."

"...Gift Giver?" Bou's voice was soft now. She looked devastated. Like she was about to cry. Bou was the only one on my side here. Did I really just get her banished? Okay, now I was angry.

"Hey!" I stomped my hoof on the snowy cobblestone, "I'll leave if I'm not welcome. I get it, alright? But don't bring this on Bou! She's done nothing but-" As I tried to assert my point, I stepped closer to Alice. Her face flashed a panic and she took a step back. Before I knew it, Vixen and the Lord of Luck were between us with their antlers glowing in my face.

"I am not having a laugh, Riot. This is my job, and I mean to do my job." Alice's collected tone could not hide what emotion was behind those pinprick pupils. She was sending us away and she had the nerve to be the nervous one?

"You're a Gift Giver, right?" I asked indignantly.

"Riot, please..." Bou muttered.

"That's your gift to Ho-ho-honnesberg, huh? Getting rid of us? What, you think I didn't notice how popular Bou was on the way over here?"

"Riot..." The little reindeer sobbed.

"So Bou's a little weird. So what if she wants to have fun in her own way? So what if the way she stares at you makes you scared to turn your back to her? Well let me tell you something, you future victim of a Cabella's gift card! She's-"

"Riot!" Bou growled through her teeth. Her antlers were now glowing too, but they weren't pointed directly at me. She huffed just like the Lord of Luck did, with visible steam blasting through her nostrils. I let the rest of my words fall back down my throat.

Alice's eyes went back to Bou, "I do not expect you to understand it. Just know that this is a gift."

A silence hung, but Bou slowly stood up and turned towards her house. "Come on, Riot," she sniffled, "We're gonna need clothes and food."

I narrowed my eyes at the rest of the reindeer. Making sure that the Gift Giver saw my scowl. Alice's ears turned down, but the rest of her face did not change. "Yeah. Merry-fucking-Christmas..." I muttered as I turned to follow after Bou.

Chapter 2 - Treasure

Now I was glad to feel the snow in my hooves. I was really starting to work up a sweat pulling this sleigh through the arctic. It felt embarrassing to have a harness strapped to me, but we needed to haul these supplies with us. I looked up at Bou, the dimunitive goth reindeer who was floating in front of me. Her antlers glowed with a black light that made the snow around us as bright as the day. Her expression was unreadable though. Her usual enthusiasm had been absent since we left Ho-ho-honnesberg. Correction: Since Alice kicked us out of Ho-ho-honnesberg. "Errmrfermerf?"

She looked back at me, and her melancholy brightened a bit. "What?" She said with a hint of mirth.

I slowed to pull my scarf down. "I said are you doing okay?"

She sighed, her breath was visible on the frozen air. "I... I still have faith in the Gift Giver..." She trailed off, not exactly answering the question. Her eyes moved to meet mine, "But at least we got to my house so I could show you my large chest."

"Yes, Bou. Your chest is indeed very nice and quite large for a girl so petite," I nodded in agreement and she gave a grin.

"Heehee! Thank you!" Bou did a little spin in midair.

I glanced back at the sleigh. The storage container was big enough for Bou to fit inside it, and big enough to hold the supplies for our journey. Including the scarf, coat, and earmuffs that she so kindly lent me. She could carry the large chest with her telekinesis, but she couldn't carry it too far. Thus, the sleigh was needed. It was the least I could do.

"Okay, so..." Bou started as she scanned the horizon for landmarks, "We need to head Southeast to get to Yakyakistan. Oh! We can visit Donner Stag! He's a reindeer, too. He works weekends so he should be organizing a party for Snilldar Fest right now! I know we should be catching the train to the Crystal Empire. Oh, but we can just catch the next one! Trust me, you don't want to miss a Donner party!"

I groaned, only really tuning in for parts of Bou's rambling. "And how much further is Yakyakistan?"

"It's, um... Hmm, how are you holding up?" I turned my neck up, meeting Bou's orange eyes. Some day I might get used to the way her antlers make them glow. But today is not that day.

I took a moment to respond to her question, "Well, I am pretty hungry actually." It occurred to me in that moment that I hadn't eaten anything since I woke up here.

"That makes sense," Bou giggled, "It's just about time for breakfast after all!"

As I followed along with her, my gaze turned to the sky. "Oh, so the sun's going to rise pretty soon huh?" I watched my own breath rise as my words came out.

"Princess Twilight is already raising the sun! Look!" She pointed out at the horizon.

My eyes darted across the sky with curiosity and excitement. I didn't realize that I was going to get to see such a feat of magic. The slightest hint of a golden glow hung just below the horizon, and my lips curled in anticipation to see it rise. Except that telltale glow of the sun didn't rise exactly. It just sort of... moved laterally. My jaw hung open and my eyes followed as the barest dribble of sunlight that we had skittered to the opposite end of the sky, just next to the silhouette of a large mountain in the distance. I was extremely confused for a moment, until I remembered where we were. "Great. I'm on top of the world and I couldn't feel lower," I groaned and collapsed into the snow.

"Aww, well come on!" Bou touched down onto the snow. Her skinny legs barely made an impact. "The weather is calm right now, we might as well have a bite." I gave an emphatic sound of agreement and we came to a stop just outside of a small patch of trees. Douglas fir, the scent told me. It was relaxing and familiar.

The slightest sensation of a warm buzz tickled my sides as Bou's magic helped to unstrap me from the sleigh. "Thanks," I muttered as we both climbed up onto the polished wood. Bou wasted no time unlatching her large chest in order to retrieve the supplies. "So you're not mad at Alice for banishing us?" I decided to push on what she had said earlier.

The large chest's lid flipped open, and the little reindeer got on her hind legs to look inside. "When it's not Hearth's Warming season, the Gift Givers of the Grove come into town every now and then. Alice was always the distant one," Bou had her forelegs hanging over the opening of the large chest, "I guess it was because of her unique sort of magic. She was different from every reindeer, even her kin. No matter what pranks I would try and pull on her, no matter what spooky stories I told, she never had a hint of fear in her."

"So?" I asked cluelessly while Bou hopped into the large chest. I felt like I should have a clue though. I remembered the Gift Givers from the show, sure. But I could hardly remember the details of their dialogue. "I guess she doesn't frighten easily?"

Bou was out of sight, but her voice came from the opening of the large chest. "That's just it," she talked over the clinking of tableware she had packed, "She doesn't frighten at all!" I had been staring at the wood grain of the sleigh as she spoke, and in the corner of my eye her head poked up from inside the large chest as her words registered with me. I looked up, and it wasn't Bou's head and forelegs coming out of the large chest. No, there was a pony staring me in the face now. Princess Luna to be exact.

"Bwuh-Gah!" Startled, I nearly fell over backwards. A burst of high-pitched cackling came from Luna's mouth. It was definitely Bou's voice.

"Ehehehehe! Pretty good, huh?" A black aura pulled at something on the pony's face. My mind reeled until I realized it was a small zipper. Luna's face split open and fell back like a hood to reveal Bou's joy at my expense. "I keep all my costumes in here too!"

How did she even fit her antlers in there? I had a hoof up to my chest, pouting at my traveling companion as I regulated my breathing. I growled in response and returned to my seated position. She was back inside the large chest now. "All of your costumes?" I repeated in a skeptic tone.

"It's a chest of holding," she said so casually, "But yeah. When she came down to see us before, I could smell fear on Alice for the first time since I've known her." Bou popped back up from the large chest, no costume, and levitating a couple of trays, "Not quite as much as you though. You reek!"

She put an emphasis on that last part. I frowned and brought a foreleg up to sniff it. Smelled fine to me. Bou laid the tray out before me. I was looking forward to digging in, "Oh, thank you, Bou. I..." I trailed off when I saw that my tray was full of candy canes, caramel bonbons, and chocolate peanut butter cups. Getting my hopes up, and then having them trashed. It made the pangs in my stomach all the worse. "Bou!" Her smile fell, clearly picking up on my tone, "Where's the food?"

Bou's eyes darted between my own and the tray she just put before me. Slowly her foreleg raised and her hoof pointed at the tray, "Right... There?"

"Please tell me you packed real food."

Her brow started a frown to match mine, "This... is real food."

"Oh my God, Bou!"

"What? What did I do?"

"We can't survive on candy!"

"What's your problem?"

"We need nutrients!"

"After all the effort I put into packing!"

"I can't believe I'm stuck out here with this crazy child of a reindeer!"

"I'm a grown doe!"

"Yeah, real grown-up! Look at this!"

"There's nothing wrong with it! I prepared it for you!"

"Is this normal? You need to take care of yourself, Bou!"

"I do!"

As we barked back and forth at each other, the 'thwumps' and 'thwamps' of our hooves hitting the wooden sleigh echoed across the tundra.

"Oh, just bang already!" Startled, we both fell silent when a new voice shouted from nearby. I wasn't ready for what happened next. Large figures burst from the snow around us. My head whipped around to try and figure out what was going on. I was able to process that there were two kinds of creatures that made up the ambush party. The ears and whiskers made it obvious that some of them were... cat people? The rest of them were much more imposing. Like a Saint Bernard dog crossed with a goblin. Each of the dog monsters held some kind of tool in their hands. A pickaxe, a shovel, and when I spun to see the one looming just behind me, he held a sledgehammer. One of the cat people spoke up, his eyes a vibrant green in the darkness, "Remus. I said bang." The tabby cat man made a fist and brought it down into his palm. What, did they rehearse this?

The dog monster closest to me, the one with the sledgehammer, looked at his colleague and took a second to respond, "...Oh, right! Bang!" He swung the hammer down at my face.

"Yah!" I flinched harder than I've ever flinched before. Because that's something people keep track of. But after a moment, no impact came. I opened one eye and saw the head of the hammer held mid-swing by a black magical aura. The dog monster was struggling to push the hammer against the force that was resisting in order to complete his swing. I could see the glow of Bou's antlers before I turned my head to see her straining with her telekinesis.

"Nnngh! Riot, move..." Bou managed to say while the blacklights flickered a bit. All of her concentration was on stopping that hammer.

"We got a caster! Hold her still!" A calico called out as she reached into her vest. One of the other dog monsters dropped his tool so he could reach out and grab Bou with both hands. I moved before thinking, ignoring the squeaky toy sound that Bou made as those fingers gripped her. She cried out in distress and her concentration was instantly broken. The hammer came down with all the power the dog monster was putting behind it and the front of the wooden sled shattered beneath me. I had barely avoided it but the impact still launched me into the air. Our candy breakfast went flying in all directions.

I tumbled into the snow, my flank stinging from the splinters. I was already scrambling back to my hooves and saw the calico approaching the captive Bou with a tattered pair of black metal shackles. "Bou!" I called out to her. She struggled in the canine's grip as a bright glow built up in her antlers. The same glow overcame her eyes and she held still. Her gaze locked onto her assailant's, and a flash of the same blacklight glow shone from his own eyes. With a shriek he dropped Bou onto the wreckage. He turned tail and ran off into the wilderness, shrill yelps of terror echoing into the morning dark.

I began a full trot to get to Bou, to see if she was hurt. But the dogs and cats got in my way. Claws, pickaxes, and hammers were drawn. "Be a good little pony. Come on." With a snort I reared up on my hind legs. This wasn't comfortable, more nostalgic. Closer to my human sensibilities. My body didn't necessarily agree though. I was trying to throw a punch, but all I accomplished was kicking my front hooves out desperately as I lost my balance and fell face first into the snow.

Bou was pulling herself up by her reindeer flight, but the calico from before caught one of her antlers in a shackle and it closed tight. Bou cried out in agony when the black light of her magic drained through glowing purple lines etched into the metal. She reflexively stopped trying to use magic and the cat swung the second shackle around the other antler. "Riot..." My companion groaned as she weakly brought her forelegs up to her head. More shackles were produced to bind her hooves.

The cat who shackled her picked Bou up by her purple neck floof. One of the dogs was ready with a bag to tie around her head. "We got one!" She called out to her allies, "Nab the pony and let's get back!" I struggled to get up and stop them from taking Bou. I saw the sharp end of a pickaxe swinging at the feet of one of my attackers. "Alive, you mutts!" The pickaxe lifted to be turned around, and the butt end of the handle was punched right into the side of my head. I fell back onto my belly as they surrounded me. One of the dogs had the other bag ready, but I wasn't going to just let it happen. I braced my front hooves on the frozen ground and bucked in their direction. I made contact, but it sounded like a tennis ball bouncing off a wall.

"Ha ha, Earth Pony is not so tough!" The dog chuckled mockingly. I bucked again in response, but my hooves were caught this time. The cold metal of their shackles pinched around my hind legs.

"No!" I was pulled into the darkness of a burlap sack over my head. The last thing I saw was Bou being swung over a dog's shoulder.

"Grab their stuff! And somebody go and retrieve Patches!" One pair of feet scurried off in the direction that the one dog had run off in when Bou... did something to him with her magic. I kicked my front hooves in vain, trying to punch anything that might have been in front of me. I did end up hitting myself in the face. Again. One of them took that opportunity to shackle my front hooves too. Was that the sound of scraping metal? Wait, were they linking me to a goddamn metal pole? They strung me upside down to be carried! We started moving. I heard the wood and metal wreckage of the sleigh shift as the large chest was lifted up to be brought along.

I heard Bou's groans as she recovered from having her magic screwed with. "Unnh... Riot!?" I heard some grunting from her and then an impact. She cried out in shock. They did not just slap her!

"Hey!" I barked through the bag on my head. I strained, but the metal bars holding the shackles together weren't budging.

"Quit wiggling around, reindeer!" The calico's voice, "What did you do to Patches? What kind of magic was that?"

"It'll wear off, it'll wear off!" Bou whimpered, making my heart break a little, "I showed him a vision of his worst fear." There was an odd silence that fell between our captors. Bou eventually spoke again, "You all have the same fear..." I knew she could smell it, if not now with her magic shackled, she definitely could before when they appeared. "What are you all so scared of?"

I heard another slap and Bou squeaked. "Quiet, you little witch! You'll find out soon enough."

"I'm gonna- Oof!" My threat was quickly cut off when the dogs carrying me purposefully jostled me on the metal rod.

"That's enough out of either of you. Let's hurry up and get back," the calico meant business in her voice. "Paul, what is that in your mouth?"

"Mm. What? I found a candy cane. Finders keepers."

My empty stomach was my only companion in the quiet trek to who-knows-where. Eventually, we ended up inside somewhere. I could tell from the sounds of their footsteps.

We stopped. When the calico spoke again, I could tell that we were probably in a cave. "Bring the haul to the Treasure chamber. I'll talk to the boss." There was a high-pitched whimpering from the dogs carrying us, but they continued moving on whatever path had been ordered. I didn't need Bou's magic to know that these guys did not want to go wherever they were taking me. If there was a bright side, at least it wasn't cold anymore.

In fact, it was rapidly getting hotter. The dog monsters were whimpering quietly again, their feet were shuffling faster. There was a sharp, sudden sound of a scraping metal gate. One of them undid my shackles and the other pulled the bag off of my head before they dropped me to the ground. They wasted no time in making their exit after that though, leaving me behind and locking me up. Yep, it was some kind of cell.

I rolled over back onto my belly and glanced around. Immediately I saw a red glow just beyond my prison. So that's why it was so unbearably hot, this was a volcanic cavern. How deep underground did they take us? I licked my lips and thought of the last time I had anything to drink. In the dim light provided by the magma pool, I could see Bou's large chest sitting just off to the right of my cell. Further off to the right, out of sight, came a quiet sobbing. I immediately stood up on my aching hooves and trotted to the bars. "Bou?" I called out, trying to get a view of where the sound was coming from.

I heard her gasp, "Riot!? Riot! Are you here?"

"I'm locked up over here," I called out to her, sticking a hoof out to wave. I didn't know if she could see it. "Bou, are you okay?"

She sniffled, but her voice had hope now, "This thing stuck to my antlers kinda hurts. It won't let me use my magic. But I'm in one piece. Oh, thank the stars you're alright, Riot."

"Getting out of here is what will be alright," I affirmed while wiggling out of my winter clothes so I could bear the heat, "I don't know where they took us or why."

"We're under Mount Wishimay," Bou explained, "It was visible from where we watched the sunrise, remember?"

"How do you know that?" I had seen them pull that bag over her head just like they did to me.

"Reindeer have a perfect sense of direction," she explained offhandedly, "Those Diamond Dogs must have taken us into its abandoned mines." After a pause, she chimed in with a brighter tone, "Hey! That's my large chest!" She had finally spotted it too, "Oh, if I just had my magic..." A new melancholy came with her next words, "I'm really sorry, Riot. This is all my fault." She sounded like she was about to cry again.

"The dogs took us here. How is this your fault?"

"Because," she sniffled, "I wished on that lucky star. I wanted the chance to make someone's holiday season meaningful. Just so everyone else in Ho-ho-honnesberg would like me better." Small changes in the sound of her talking told me that she was pacing back and forth now, "You're here because of my selfish wish."

"Bou, come on. That's silly," I assured her, "My Christmas season was going pretty terrible before this happened anyway."

"What's Christmas?" Bou sounded more excited than sad now. That was good.

"It's... Well, it's basically Hearth's Warming Eve. Except it's what we celebrate where I come from." Pretty oversimplified, but I gave her the gist of it.

"That's it!" Bou was in higher spirits now, "That was Alice's gift! I can get you home for Christmas!"

"Oh, Bou..." I didn't want her to get her hopes up. Come to think of it... I didn't even know if I could ever see home again. My voice cracked a bit with the sorrow that was coming on with that thought, "It's not exactly over the river and through the woods."

"Riot, I swear I will do everything in my power to make your Christmas everything it should be and more." There was a new resolve in her voice. I didn't have the heart to bring her down from that. "How, I don't know. I don't even have my magic... But somehow!"

She made it easier for me to swallow my homesickness for now. "There's gotta be a way out of here," I offered, "I'm an Earth Pony now. I bet these bars won't stand a good bucking!" I got into position and tried kicking out with my hind legs again. There was a loud clang with the impact. It was harder than last time, but it still felt like I hurt myself more than the metal bars. But I didn't give up. I gave it another go. Another loud bang, and no give to the structure. The reverberation rattled across the cell, over the cavern walls, and up my hind legs. Boy, it really made me want to scream.

And then Bou started screaming.

I stopped what I was doing and looked over my shoulder in the direction of Bou's cell, even though I couldn't see it. "Bou, what's the matter!?" That's when I saw enormous sharp fangs closing around the large chest outside the cell. Of course, I joined in with the screaming.

The large chest was in the jaws of a beast, being lifted into the air! A lime-green eye looked back at me, bigger than I've ever imagined an eye could be. The ridges of white stone on the opposite side of the magma pool wasn't a wall. It wasn't even stone. It was the body of a full-sized dragon! This thing had been in the room with us the whole time, just sitting in a pool of magma! It gave a low growl that echoed across the cavern walls. As I watched its head rise, I saw just how high the ceiling was. A chimney-like structure of smooth crystal spiraled up further than I could see.

"Bou! It's got your large chest!" I screamed.

"It has my large chest! Stop it! Give me back my large chest!" Bou protested through her terror. I had my hooves around the bars to try and rattle them, and it sounded like Bou had done the same.

The dragon began to move. The disturbed magma glowed more intensely, causing the shiny white scales across its body to sparkle as it shifted position. Behind where the dragon had been sitting, now coming into view, was a pile of gold, jewels, and random objects of high value. Bou's large chest was placed carefully on top of the treasure hoard. The dragon turned back to us and spoke. I could feel the metal bars vibrate slightly when it did. The voice was deep, rumbling, but feminine. "It is my king's treasure now, and I will protect it." Oh boy, I was really hoping Bou would just consider it gone.

Hang on, what was that phrasing? "Your king, huh? You work for the boss, too?" I couldn't believe I was striking up a conversation with a creature like this.

"Indeed. I am his Treasure, just as everything in this hoard is."

Bou chimed in, "Does that mean we are part of his treasure hoard too? Or are we just here as a snack?"

The dragon leaned in much closer, way too close for comfort to peer into my cell. "The pony does smell delicious, I'll admit. But I have no orders for either of you yet." My eyes were locked to her sharp fangs as she said that, and I was glad to have empty bowels in that moment.

I heard a door swing open. The dragon's gaze moved off to the right, which was met with a startled yowl and hiss from that direction. The dragon moved away from my cage, unbothered. She settled back in the magma pool while watching one of the cat henchmen move to my holdings with a key. "The boss wants to see this one," the tabby's hairs were on end. He didn't take his eyes off of the beast for more than a few seconds. "Come on, pony." His voice was insistent, and I had no reason to do anything but oblige. We passed Bou's cell on the way out. She was in the back corner, her eyes pleading. Before going back down the way we were first taken, I looked over my shoulder to see the dragon. She was watching me the way a cat watches a house fly.

"Well, I guess we know what all of these guys are so afraid of."

I began to feel colder as we got further from the treasure room. But where ever we were going, it wasn't far. I was led through the cave system to a new room. "The boss will be here in a moment," the cat man muttered before taking his leave. He was just leaving me here? I could just escape? No way, something was up. I turned and looked around the room. My eyes widened to see what looked like an office fitted out with a dining table. The quality of the table setting was quite uncharacteristic for an old abandoned mine. But the fresh, ripe fruits and vegetables were what drew my immediate attention. My stomach was growling so loud I almost thought the dragon had followed.

But this was clearly some kind of manipulation. A bribe, a handout... hoofout? This was a tactic that I recognized from many a family dinner, retail manager, and cartoon villain in my time. I decided that I would take a seat, but I would not indulge. I don't care how hungry I am. I need to figure out how to get Bou and myself back to safety. Ah crap, the chair was meant for the cats and dogs running this place. My pony ass did not sit very comfortably in it.

A large figure stepped into the room, though his feet didn't make a sound. There was no better way to describe this guy other than as a humanoid snow leopard. "Ha ha! My little pony, my little pony..." His voice was low with a rasp to it, which was fitting for his jazzy affectation. "Isn't the world a lovely place?" He grinned at me with the second most terrifying set of teeth I had seen today. The sunglasses on his face hid what his eyes could tell. He extended his large hand to me, offering a shake. "The name is Cool Cat Freckles, and I look forward to doing business with ya!"

From my seat in the chair, I simply looked at the hand and then back up to his face. I didn't say anything.

"Ah ha, not quite as friendly as I heard," he took his seat at the opposite end of the table. "Go ahead, little pony," he gestured to the food in front of us. "Apples, carrots, potatoes, cucumbers. All the things you herbivores like."

"I'm not hungry," I finally said. That was a stone-faced lie, of course. Walnuts, peanuts, pineapple smells, grapes, melons, oranges, and coconut shells with little umbrellas in them. This guy really wanted me on his good side and it was torture.

"Alright, alright..." Cool Cat Freckles raised his hands, "But don't you worry. You got this stuff to go, too." He lifted up a saddle bag he had prepared, its pouches filled with a bit of everything from the table. Clearly he had plans for me.

"Where did you get all this stuff, anyway?" I asked him. I was genuinely curious.

"We here have a paw in a number of businesses in Abyssinia and going all the way down the coast. You're about to be a part of my latest venture, you see."

"Am I?" I asked with a raised brow.

The snow leopard's tail flicked out from behind the chair. "It's on the table, my friend." His arms spread wide to give an exaggerated shrug, "But if you insist on finding opportunity elsewhere, my people and I could always just mind our own business and... enjoy some deer jerky."

My ears perked up, and my stomach got the better of me. "Oh yeah, it's been forever since I've had that. Could you put some in my bag too?"

Cool Cat Freckles' air of confidence faltered with his smile. There was an awkward silence until what he said registered with me as the threat it was meant to be.

Adrenaline surged through me and I put my hooves up on the table, "Wait, you mean Bou! No, that ain't happening!" My cheeks flushed a bit over that. I was glad she wasn't around for this.

"So we do have an understanding," Cool Cat Freckles' bravado returned without missing a beat. "My boys have been searching these mines for the lost mineral that Mount Wishimay was supposedly once rich in."

My ears turned back as I narrowed my eyes, "And what does that have to do with me?"

"Those diamond dogs can sniff out gem stones about as well as any dragon can," He pointed a claw at me, "And I have been assured that you, my friend, have the scent of the legendary wishimite all over you."

I sat back in my chair as I processed this, "Wishimite?"

"Don't play dumb, horsie," Cool Cat Freckles lowered his shades, those yellow eyes studying me. But I wasn't playing. I was definitely dumb. He set his shades back and continued, "One of the most powerful magical substances in the known and unknown world. We're talking about wish magic here, little pony! I know some very powerful creatures who would pay a king's ransom for an ounce of it. And my dogs tell me that your stink of wishimite is a hundred times stronger than any of the scent that still lingers in the ancient mines." He lifted an orange from the table, and easily crushed it in his claws. "You know where we can find some, and I really do believe that it would be in your friend's best interest if you cooperated."

Wish magic? Oh... Oh, no way. My mind was reeling as the reality of it set in. The lucky star that brought me here! All of this was really all my fault! I went off after that fight with Chloe. I made that wish in front of the Christmas tree. And now Bou...

Cool Cat Freckles must have noticed my eyes wandering as I got lost in those thoughts, "There's nothing more important to a pony than their friends. So... Are we cool?" His toothy grin returned.

I trusted this guy about as far as I could throw him. Bleh, that thought carried a new meaning now that I was an equine. I was responsible for all of this. I had to get Bou out of here. Even if I could somehow get a key, I'd have no idea what to do with it. I didn't have hands anymore. I needed something else that could open that cell. I got an idea. I did have something, but it was risky as hell. Fuck it, this was my fault anyway. Now, I just had to play along. I got up from my seat and trotted to Freckles' side of the table. I gave a firm nod, "Let's get started."

"Aah-aaah~ That's what I like to hear!" The snow leopard sing-songed as he stood up from his chair. "Just remember, little pony, that little reindeer is counting on the choices you make with us." He dropped the saddle bag full of produce on my back.

"Hmm, she sure is." I pulled my hind legs back, with feeling this time, and bucked with everything I had. Cool Cat Freckles was launched into the wall behind us, his sunglasses stayed where they were and after a moment they fell to the floor. I wasted no time. I didn't even look back.

"Rrraaagh!" I heard Freckles roar behind me. I couldn't run too fast. I would just trip over these new hooves. But I had to follow the path that they took me on. I had to get back to Bou. It was getting hotter. That was good.

My hoofsteps echoed down the hallway, and so did Freckles' shouting as he gave chase. When I cantered into the volcanic treasure room, the enormous dragon was already looking in my direction. It roared ferociously in the confined space, and my whole skeleton tingled when it did. "Yeah! Hey, dragon!" I skidded to a stop in front of Bou's cell.

"Riot!?" Bou was up against the bars, visibly confused. She looked like she had been crying. "What's going on?"

"I'm rescuing you. Back up into that corner!" I warned her and she did so. I met the dragon's gaze. Her eyes seemed to widen a bit when I addressed her, "Tasty snack right here for you, lizard brain! Come and get me!" She snarled but didn't move right away.

"Stop that pony!" Freckles' could be heard down the hall. That's when the dragon lunged for me, and my heart skipped a beat when I kicked against the stone floor to jump out of the way. Crashing metal, growling beast, and screaming reindeer hammered my ear drums as the dragon broke through the bars of Bou's cell. The dragon's maw was held shut now that her snout seemed to be wedged in the stone structure.

I leapt onto her snout to call out to Bou, "Get out of there now!"

"You call this a rescue!?" Bou screamed at me as she slipped out where the metal bars were bent and snapped. Her little reindeer legs were shaking.

"Yes! Go and get to safety!" I screamed in response before I reared back and bucked the beast between the eyes. I winced, she didn't even flinch. Her scales were even harder than the metal bars. The dragon started pulling her snout out with me still standing on it. I looked back at those gigantic eyes, and they looked back at me.

"I'm not leaving you!" She alternated her hooves in an unfortunately adorable dance of panic, "This is all my fault! I'm responsible for this!"

"No, I'm responsible for- Uh, whoa!" I found it hard to complete a retort as the dragon raised her head into the air. I lowered myself and fought to keep my balance. I glanced back at Bou, who was still on the ground as it was getting further away from me. I spotted Cool Cat Freckles approaching from behind her. "Bou! Look out!"

With my warning she noticed the snow leopard as he leapt at her with a rumbling yowl. She bounced out of the way just in time to avoid the bulky cat. "Rrrargh! Detain the pony!" He stood straight and pointed up at his dragon pet.

"Yes, my king." She flung me into the air off of her snout, and I screamed as my hooves flailed to find any ground. Before I could even start falling, I was caught in her mouth.

"Ooooh my god ohmygodohmygodohmygod!" Bou screaming my name was only heard in the back of my mind, behind the pounding of my heart and my own blubbering panic. The fangs didn't close all the way, giving me a view from above. I didn't dare look back down the dragon's throat. One flex of that tongue underneath me, and that would be it.

A cruel laugh came from Cool Cat Freckles down below. Helplessly I watched him take a swing at Bou with those huge claws, but she leapt up to dodge it.

Bou shrieked and when she hit the ground again she pleaded to Freckles, "Please! Just let him go! I'll do anything!"

Another swipe from the snow leopard. She had to duck it this time. "Sorry, little snack," his voice was smooth as he stepped around Bou, "That pony had the chance to deal for your life, and he made the wrong choice. But he can bargain with his own, now." Bou's quivering legs kept her facing her foe as he prowled closer, but she took a step back every time he took a step forward. "He can get smart and find the wishimite for me, or he can be a treat for Treasure. Green boy thinks he's the first pony to have tried something like that. But Cool Cat Freckles don't lose his cool." Bou's whole body flinched when she backed up too close to the magma pool, and the heat from it caused her little tail to singe. Freckles had been herding her into a corner the whole time. "Now I'll show him that I don't make empty threats."

As soon as Bou realized she was trapped, her face twisted into a wide grin. "Eeeeee!" Freckles lowered his ears in response to the high-pitched noise the reindeer started making, "Oooh, I've never been more scared in my life! You're really good at this, mister kitty cat!" She made a giddy little dance on her hooves.

The boss had a visible confusion behind those sunglasses. He rose from his intimidating stance and shrugged, "Yo, what is wrong with you doe?"

I was less surprised by Bou's... eccentricity. It got me thinking, even. If she's not a deer in headlights in this situation, why should I be? But what could I do from inside a dragon's maw? Well, I bet the inside of her mouth wasn't as tough as her scales. I pulled my hind legs back one more time, and desperately bucked with everything I could. It was a hard, true Earth Pony buck like thunder crashing against the beast's upper palette. She gave a roar of displeasure and when she turned her jaw up I used that opportunity to leap between those fangs and out to freedom.

That's when I remembered that the dragon who just let me go who was sitting in a pool of magma. I soared through the air, hooves flailing and screams wailing as fruits and vegetables trailed from my saddlebag to make sizzling splashes in the molten rock below. Both Bou and Freckles had their eyes glued to me as I somehow cleared the distance. Cool Cat Freckles sidestepped to avoid me crashing down to land. Face down, ass in the air, my eyes couldn't set themselves straight. Otherwise Bou and I would have had the tables turned on him. As it was now, he just gave a hearty laugh.

"You really need to learn to keep your cool, little pony," He turned back to Bou, claws ready. During my flight over the magma pool, it seemed that a lone cucumber had fallen from my saddlebag onto the stone floor between Bou and Cool Cat Freckles. The second that the snow leopard noticed the cucumber, he took a startled leap. He had thrown himself into the boiling magma with a naught but a 'plorp'.

Bou's jaw dropped. The dragon's jaw dropped. I was pulling myself to my hooves and shaking my head. "...What?" I read the awkward silence in the room and was genuinely confused. My eyes shifted between Bou staring at me, the dragon staring at me, and the smoke trailing up from the magma where Cool Cat Freckles had just met his end.

Bou took a few steps, but then broke out into a gallop to close the distance to me. She leaned herself against me, her purple neck floof brushing on my coat. "Riot, I do not say this lightly," Bou began, "But that is the best thing that a cucumber has ever done for me."

"...What!?" A low growl came from above, and both Bou and I instantly turned our attention to it. We hugged each other in shared terror, "Shit, there's still the dragon!"

But the dragon didn't move. She just stared at me. A minute passed, our eyes locked. Bou and I started to relax and we pulled from each other. "...Are you going to try and eat us?" I eventually called out to the monster.

"I do not have orders to." She responded in a neutral tone.

"But he killed your boss," Bou pointed a hoof at me. I flinched and waved my hooves back and forth to try and get her to shut up.

The dragon craned her neck closer, her eyes still fixed on me. My reindeer friend scrambled to get back but I was too scared to move. "The king is dead," the dragon's face was right in front of mine. My eyes watched her fangs as she spoke, "Do you lay claim to his Treasure?"

My mouth hung open but I couldn't produce any sounds.

"Hey ask her about my large chest!" Bou shouted from the back of her former cell.

I shook my head and gave a nod, "Uh, yeah! I should probably get my hands on her large chest. So... So yeah... the treasure's mine now?"

With a slow nod, the dragon's mouth seemed to take the faintest turn to a smile, "Long live the king." She rose once more, and turned to grab Bou's large chest from the top of the treasure pile. I was seriously confused.

As soon as the large chest was back where Bou could reach it, she squealed with delight and bounded towards it. "You got it back!"

A loud, ferocious growl from the beast in the magma pool stopped Bou dead in her tracks before she was able to touch her large chest. "That belongs to my king!"

"Hey! Don't you hurt her!" I took a stance between the reindeer and the dragon. The dragon immediately stopped her growling and fell to a more docile pose. "That belongs to her!"

"Yes, my king," the huge monster muttered while avoiding eye contact. I looked back at Bou and gave her a shrug.

"What, is she your pet now or something?" Bou scoffed.

"If that is what my king desires." Both Bou and I turned our ears down in embarrassment to hear it answered like that so plainly.

"What is this?" I asked, doubtful. "What are you... doing?"

"I belonged to Cool Cat Freckles as part of his treasure hoard. You killed him and claimed his treasure for yourself. I am Treasure, and I am yours now."

I sat back on my haunches. A few minutes ago I was about to slide down this monster's throat. Now she was trying to be all submissive with me? I frowned while thinking it over. I was tired, hungry, and afraid for my life. Holding onto my rational self was becoming a real chore.

"Hey, Riot. I can't open this without my magic," Bou leaned her head down to scrape her antler shackles against the stone. "How do we get these off?"

"Leena would have the keys to unlock it. She would be with the rest of the crew down in the mines," Treasure explained, "But they were my former king's employees. They will have to be informed of the changes."

"Are they my employees now?" I asked her.

"Not necessarily," she informed.

I sighed, "Good thing I have a scary dragon, then."

Chapter 3 - Olive Branch

Mount Wishimay stands higher than any other mountain known to ponykind. The peak spirals to a rocky point, which is apparently a hollow tube that extends all the way down to the volcanic chamber we were just in. So when you're clinging desperately to the back of a dragon while she takes a soaring leap from that peak, the one that is the highest point on the planet that just so happens to be in the arctic circle, it is like a roller coaster from hell, to hell. My screams were gone, and there wasn't enough air for me to start screaming again. Bou's elated squeals seemed to be more lung-efficient as her voice rung in my ears over the wind and all the way down. Treasure took an angle to her dive, and the wind friction let up enough for me to open one of my eyes. I immediately shut it again seeing a layer of clouds approaching fast. I felt our momentum shift as our angle evened out. I relaxed and opened my eyes to the sea of clouds. We were now gliding smoothly South.

"That was amazing!" Bou shrieked over the wind.

"That was terrifying," I could only mutter while trying not to lose the lunch I had just enjoyed.

"Where shall we fly, my king?"

"Just South! South is good for now..." I barked back at the dragon. I was glad that she was so warm, but being in a less frozen climate would be even better.

"We were heading to Equestria!" Bou told our mount.

"Equestria is to the South," Treasure gave a nod and gave a flap to maintain her gliding altitude. I looked back to watch the pointed peak of Mount Wishimay gradually shrink in the distance.

"Those cats and dogs sure didn't seem happy," my reindeer companion mentioned. We had just sent them all away on the boat at the mountain's south-side port. Before we had realized that it was the only boat, that is. Now the only way to continue our journey was on Treasure's back, which I wasn't happy to need, but she was happy to oblige.

"Well, they can spend the holidays with their loved ones now. Their operation at the mountain is no longer anyone's problem." It was an easy decision to make, threatened at dragon point.

"And so can you, as soon as I get you home for Christmas!" Bou yawned after saying that. We were both tired. She seemed content to curl up and get some rest. But I was watching the dragon carrying us. The previous events were still fresh in my mind. I had made the choice to risk my own life to defend Bou's, and still we both barely made it out of there on what felt like a stroke of luck.

I got up from where I was laying. I had been nestled between the silvery spines running down Treasure's back. The sun reflecting off of her white scales made me wish I had a pair of sunglasses. I stumbled a bit since, by habit, I had tried to stand up on my hind legs. It felt like I could if I really tried, but it didn't feel the same as when I was a human. I fell back onto all fours. On the other side of the spines, I saw Bou curled up in a deep slumber. I knew to let her sleep, and not just because it was the cutest thing I'd ever seen. If I didn't know better, I'd think she were a faun.

"You will not sleep, my king?" Treasure's voice rumbled beneath my hooves. I steadily walked forward on her back and took a seat on her shoulder.

"I'm not taking my eyes off you," I told her. How could I sleep? I was begrudgingly accepting a ride but this creature still tried to kill me this morning. In spite of my emotions, I kept my body close against Treasure's scales. Her insides ran hot and she was warm to the touch.

"Very well. Where shall you go, my king?" She glanced back at me.

"Somewhere warmer, that's for sure. Once I'm in Equestria I can... I don't know, find a princess or something." They were the most powerful things around here, I reasoned to myself. If there was a way to get home, one of them could probably handle it.

The dragon turned her eyes back to the sky and flapped her gigantic wings to adjust course. "Then we shall head Southeast across the North Luna Sea, and towards Equestria's coast."

I watched the rolling waves passing by underneath us, "I can't see anything but the ocean... You're sure that's where we're going?"

"It is a route that I am familiar with. You have my word, my king."

"Why are you calling me that...?"

"Because you are my king."

"Okay, but why?"

"My previous king perished thanks to you, and you took ownership of his Treasure," this dragon spoke so matter-of-factly. My thoughts drifted to Bou's large chest, hanging by straps around Treasure's neck. The rest of Cool Cat Freckles' hoard had been stuffed inside. Gold, jewels, curious objects. But apparently the beast considered herself as a part of that hoard.

Her words processed more in my head. I didn't mean for that to happen to him. That cat guy just launched himself to his death because I dropped a cucumber near him. Now he's gone. He was going to kill Bou and he was going to command Treasure to kill me, so I definitely didn't feel too bad about it. It just felt... odd to be considered responsible for his death. Bou certainly didn't mind it.

That line of contemplation put my mind on a course of many thoughts, but I didn't let any of them linger too long. I was tense and focused on Treasure. Flying with someone who just tried to kill you is no time to take it easy. Bou could rest. She's earned at least that much, and she'll be safe too as long as I keep watch. Luckily, the monster wasn't too chatty herself.

Hours passed, the sun vanished and came back. I watched the dragon, the dragon watched the skies. Sometimes she would glance back at me with those bright green eyes. What was she smiling about?

I heard Bou give a squeaky yawn behind me, "G'morning, Riot. G'morning, Treasure."

"Good morning, young reindeer," the dragon greeted, "You slept well, then?" Since when did this monster have such good manners?

"Oh, I did!" Bou chirped, "Thank you for helping us!"

"It was my king's will. Thanks are not necessary." Technically I did agree to it as our best option. I wasn't sure if I would call that my 'will.'

"So what have you two been talking about?" Bou looked over at me with a smile.

"I'm just trying to figure out what... What all of this is..." I sighed my way through saying.

"Wait, what what is?" Bou looked between me and the dragon's face. Treasure spoke without taking her eyes off the horizon. Occasionally, she would flap her wings to maintain altitude.

"I belong to you now, my king," she explained, "I am yours to use and command."

"Why, though?" I begged the question once more.

"As I had said, my king. Cool Cat Freckles was my previous owner, and you-"

"I mean why does it work that way?" I cut her off with shortened patience.

"That is how I have always been. I am my king's Treasure."

"But I'm not a king."

"You are my king."

I groaned in mild frustration, slumping against her spines. Bou's grin had grown wider and more manic during our conversation. With the break in questioning, it seemed she couldn't help but join in.

"So you'll do anything Riot says?" She sat up and had her forelegs up in giddy anticipation.

"I will," Treasure continued to answer in very plain and simple terms.

"Even if it's embarrassing?"

"That is irrelevant. I follow my king's command."

"Even if it's gross?"

"I would do as he wishes."

"Even if you could die?"

"My life belongs to my king."

"Would you kill somepony if he told you to?" Her morbid curiosity was twisting her grin into a precious little nightmare.

"I would."

"No," I groaned out, "You're not killing anyone!"

"As you wish, my king."

Bou fell back to sitting on all fours. Her smile had faded and her ears fell back a little bit. "She's not scared at all. She really means it."

"Of course she's not scared. Look at her!" My tone betrayed how annoyed I was with Bou bothering the giant beast.

"You know," Bou's blacklit orange eyes turned to me while she tapped her chin with a cloven hoof, "That says a lot about her, but I actually don't know a whole lot about you, Riot."

I raised a brow, and then looked away. "W-What is there to know?" Other than the fact that I was human just a couple days ago, living a normal life without talking reindeer or dragons.

"Where did you come from before you came down on the lucky star?" She pushed.

"Oh... Uh, nowhere in particular," it wasn't that I didn't want to tell her. I just had no idea how I would explain any of this, or if it was even a good idea to.

"I can tell you're lying. You smell like fear!" Bou chirped.

"My king smells like wishimite," Treasure countered. That didn't sit well with me, since I knew it meant that I smelled tasty to her.

"Ugh, I need a shower," I grumbled.

Bou giggled, "Well, there must be something more to you, Riot. It's not every day a pony- Oh my goodness!" She cut herself off to point at my butt.

"What? What happened!?" I followed where she was pointing and saw, to my horror, the only thing she could have been reacting to.

It was a picture. An icon. A mark. Upon my flank. In saccharine pastel colors to contrast with my light-green fur. A light-blue jester hat with an inverted golden crown underneath it, like a reflection. This was the mark upon my flank. A cutie mark, as the ponies are keen to call it.

"You got your cutie mark!" Bou cheered.

"What!? When!?" I was flabbergasted. Who had painted my butt, and why?

"I don't know. Recently, I guess! It was blank before!" I didn't even think to check. Bou was paying more attention than I was. Hold on...

"And how do you know? Were you looking at my butt?" I asked incredulously.

"Kinda hard not to notice. And don't tell me you weren't looking at mine," Bou teased back.

"I was following behind you! You were guiding me!" I defended myself.

Bou scooted next to me and put a hoof around my shoulder. Her neck fur felt like one of those pillows you take on an airplane. A strange contrast with the instinctive uneasiness one feels when looking into her glare. "Riot, my buddy. Congratulations, really. I know how important cutie marks are for you ponies. And seriously, I couldn't be happier."

There was a pause, her eyes staring into mine while being uncomfortably close. "Uh..."

"Because..." She continued, "I have. Always. Wanted. To throw a cute-ceañera. And I'm gonna make yours the best one ever." She practically whispered that last part.

"...A what?" I deadpanned. Evidently this was something I should know from the show, but it's not like I would remember any nonsense like that.

"Cute-ceañera," Bou practically had her cheek up against mine still.

"A quinceañera?"

"A cute-ceañera."

"Qué demonios te pasa?"

"It's a rite of passage, Riot. A special day that's unique to everypony? You only get one in your life? You don't seem excited." She backed off, a hint of scrutiny in her eyes.

When she put it like that, it really did seem like a sort of super holiday for ponies. "Of course you'd be excited," I said to her while waving a hoof dismissively, "But it sounds like something that's for little kids."

Bou put her forelegs up as if she were begging. "Please, Riot! I want to do this for you! Remember the Gift Giver!" Her glare was definitely more cute than spooky when her pout came to back it up.

I turned my ears back at Alice's mention, "I still don't know what her gift was, but I hope you kept the receipt." I didn't want to say no to those begging eyes, but I didn't exactly want to go all in on being a pony either.

"Pfft-heheheheee!" Bou cackled while rolling back to kick her hind legs. Sure, it was a joke. But I didn't think it was that funny. "You're always good for a laugh, Riot!"

"A settlement on the horizon, my king!" Treasure called out to me, "Vanhoover, if my memory serves well."

She was right. I could see skyscrapers in the distance. A coastal city, sprinkled with snow worthy of the Hearth's Warming season. Though I was overcome with a false nostalgia, I was rational enough to know this was nothing like home. As we approached the harbor we were joined on either of Treasure's flanks by pegasi in flight suits with glowing helmets. Their pattern was impressively intuitive. "Look! They're guiding us to land! That's so cool!" The dragon caught on and kept in line. I supposed it made sense that Treasure wasn't the only fully-grown dragon to visit this city. Vanhoover seemed to have a landing area to accommodate flying creatures that are the size of a house.

Treasure made her landing on a round, concrete platform sticking out as part of the harbor. It reminded me of a helicopter pad. As soon as we landed Bou floated daintily from Treasure's back. My dismount was much less graceful, but Bou's magic caught me before I face-planted.

"Alright..." I yawned while stretching my legs, "First things first..." Another yawn took the rest of my words from me. My eyes felt strained.

"You look pretty beat, Riot. Bags under the eyes are my kind of style, but you should really take a load off. In the mean time, I'll get everything ready for your cute-ceañera!" Bou sing-songed.

"No, Bou. I'm a grown-up. I don't need a... A cute-ceañera," I said that last part softer because, let's be honest, it was a ridiculous thing to say.

"Right. Sure," Bou didn't sound convinced, which made the next words out of her mouth extremely suspicious, "I'll just... Go off and... Grocery shopping, like you wanted to do. Remember?"

"Bou..." My words were caught by another yawn.

"Don't worry, no candy this time! Meet you back at the wharf!"

"I'm not going to any damn... Cute-ceañera," my protests reduced to a mumble since Bou was already flying off into town.

So that's it, I was left alone with the dragon. I looked up at her with a squint in the morning light. She looked back at me. I put one hoof in front of me and started making my way into the town proper. I could hear Treasure start to follow, and I immediately spun back around. "What do you want?"

Treasure raised her brows, "What?"

"Why are you following me?"

She tilted her head, "Do you wish for me to stay here, my king?"

Perhaps the dread and adrenaline from the events prior were still fresh in my mind, perhaps it was the lack of sleep, perhaps it was being lost in the cosmos as a dimunitive quadruped, most likely it was all of those things. I lost my patience with the dragon, "Knock it off with the 'king' stuff, Treasure! You tried to eat me and I don't feel safe around you! It's getting on my fucking nerves!" I spat at the beast at the top of my lungs. With every sentence she sunk lower to the ground. She lowered her gaze.

"I... do not want you to feel unsafe with me," she muttered meekly. "I... I am your Treasure..."

"Alright, fine! You know what?" I sat back on my haunches so I could throw my front legs up without falling over. Boy, did I miss being bipedal. "You got us here, and that's just fine. The only thing I care about is getting home," if I could get home, I noted inwardly, "and making sure Bou and I are safe. That's all I want. So please, just go!" I stamped a hoof, and the enormous monster seemed to flinch at that. She looked away from me, and wordlessly took off into the sky again. My mane and tail blew in the breeze as she flapped her wings. The air calmed down again as she gained distance and disappeared behind the city's skyline.

I was now free to trot into town at my sleep-deprived leisure. If Bou was going to try and throw a cute... A cute-cen... A party. Bou was shopping for food. That's the point I was making to myself. I glanced around at the various ponies that populated Vanhoover. Earth ponies, unicorns, and pegasi. There were other pony-like and not pony-like creatures but they were definitely less common. A few walking by with their hooves making a bouncy rhythm against the cobblestone. Some flew overhead with a very casual regard for air traffic common sense. All kinds riding a trolley rolling by on a rail in the middle of the road. It was so surreal, a world of cartoonishly-proportioned equines. It's just a cartoon when you're watching it on a screen, but now I was a part of it. Well, when in Rome...

"One pants please!" The glass door swung open and I called out to whomever may be working the first boutique that I spotted.

"Welcome to Sort By Rarity! Vanhoover's premiere crown of couture!" A chipper mare approached in some white, green, and orange hip-hop ensemble that definitely sold a talent for aesthetic coordination. I did appreciate it, but my speaking mind wasn't quite up to the task.

"Yo, Jet Set Radio! Do you tailor pants?"

The mare smiled patiently, "My name is Juicy Jazz, and yes! Right this way, sir." The horn on her head lit up with a sparkling aura. It was my first time seeing a unicorn do it, though Bou's antlers had a similar effect. "Are we only dealing in bottomwear today or can we interest you in the whole package?"

My ears perked up. "Oh, that's a good question! It might be nice to have something nice..." I put a hoof up to my chin, but my head was still kind hanging low from how tired I was.

A long ribbon snaked its way through the air, coated in the same sparkling aura that the unicorn's horn generated. The markings on it made it clear that this was a measuring tape. I watched it float with a wide wonder in my eyes. "If you're planning on attending the premiere tonight, you should know that the host herself will be wearing a jazzy number from Sort By Rarity as well!"

"The premiere?" As soon as I asked, the measuring tape flew around my head and then zoomed off to a flier on the wall, circling it for emphasis.

'All are welcome to the one-time-only cute-ceañera celebration of Vanhoover's young and talented magic picture artist, Tween Frame! Don't miss the world premiere for the magic picture project that earned Tween Frame her cutie mark! Eye-Works Studios presents a Tween Frame magic picture: Steamboat Filly! Join us at the rooftop venue at One Tall Centre on...' The numbers at the end of the message were probably whatever format Equestria uses to note date and time. But the rest of the flier was clear to me, with boldened words and cutesy cartoon characters.

I realized that the same flier was also plastered on the window and door outside. I might have even spotted a few on the way here, but this was my first time actually reading the flier. "I'm not really in town for a cute-ceañera," I said it and I meant it, "Though I still would like something to fill out my wardrobe."

"Excellent, sir!" Juicy Jazz brought the measuring tape back to her and motioned for me to follow her to a fitting area in the back of the boutique. "Did you have anything particular in mind or would you like a recommendation? What is your range of budget?"

The measuring tape flew around my hind legs and my belly. Juicy's smile was gone while she switched her focus between the measuring tape and a notepad. My mind caught up with my while I processed what she was asking, "My budget...?" I realized two things. Thing 1: I have no clue how money works here. And, Thing B: All of the money I would have is inside Bou's large chest, which is currently hanging around that dragon's neck. God. Fucking. Damn it.

The mare's voice was behind me now, "Lift your tail, please." My head shot up and I inwardly marveled as my train of thought achieved multi-track derailing.

"Excuse me?" I had hoped that my manners masked the bewilderment in that question.

The tailor looked up from her notepad. That polite smile returned and I could tell that she was swapping back to customer service mode. "Stallions can vary in bottomwear measurements. For obvious reasons. I will need to get under there and make sure we have the right dimensions for... your comfort."

Oh, honey. Any dimension would be more comfortable than this one right now.

Without missing a beat I turned to start backing away from Juicy and towards the doors, "Well, you've been very helpful! But I think I have to go... uh... chase the dragon. Thank you, bye!" I was gone before she could get a word in.

"Well that could have gone better," I mumbled. My hooves were starting to drag through the lively city of Vanhoover. I moved enough to dodge the slush when a cart sped by on the road. It was a winter's day for sure, but relatively nice after having to be bundled up in the arctic. Bou's never going to forgive me if I don't get her large chest back, I thought to myself. I imagined her face. Those big, orange eyes on the verge of tears to hear that I lost her large chest. Again. Boy, I really wanted that dragon gone but I kinda screwed up. Have I been doing that a lot lately? Isn't that how I ended up here in the first place? ...No, I confirmed to myself. I was right. Chloe was wrong. What was her problem, anyway?

Sounds of running water and the bouncing colors of flashing Hearth's Warming lights told me I had found my way out of the market area and into a city park. I was busy looking down at my hooves, but spared a glance up. It was a terraced fountain, and in front of the fountain was a small filly passing out fliers. Sights and sounds to help clear my mind. Before I knew it, my rump had found its way to a park bench while I stared at the fountain. My mind was still rolling over recent events. I gotta get Bou's large chest back. But I have no idea where that dragon went off to. She's enormous. Someone must have seen her... Somepony. I'll just rest my eyes for a second and then...

I awoke to the sound of screams and hooves pounding on the cobblestone. My eyes struggled to open. I saw ponies all around me, stampeding away from downtown in a panic. "Huh? What's the... What's the dealio?" I yawned and tried to rub my eye. I had nearly forgotten about my equine affliction and groaned when I almost left a hoofprint on my cornea.

"There's a dragon attack!"

"It's gone crazy! Run while you can!"

Ponies cried out in terror as they passed. "A dragon attack?" I dumbly repeated while those words and their meaning dawned on my brain. At that moment, a familiar roar sounded from deep among the skyscrapers. My ears knew before I did, and I leapt from the park bench like it was a hot skillet. "Oh... Oh, crap. Treasure!" I took off running in the direction everypony was running from. I galloped. I didn't know I could do it, but I galloped. The rhythm of my hooves hitting the street help my mind focus. Treasure scared me. She was a big, killer dragon as far as I was concerned. And I had just let her loose on a city. I had to get there. It was time to be her king.

I dodged other ponies and creatures, looking up at the buildings for any sign of where the chaos was. I squinted to mitigate the late-afternoon sun reflecting off the windows. A massive shadow darted past a brick building in the distance. That could have only been Treasure. Her mighty roar confirmed it, and I took off to give chase.

I was closer now, and as soon as I turned a corner something came flying at me like a cannonball. The only thing I knew before it hit was that it was a pony levitating a glass ball. We went tumbling across the pavement, and dark green locks draped over my face when their hood flew open. The creature that was on top of me stared back with a terrifying glow to their eyes, unlike any pony I've seen before, with an odd purple smoke running down like tears. A huge gust of wind blew from behind her. Littered papers and flows of fresh snow swirled down the street. It was Treasure flapping her enormous wings to slow down. "My king!?" She was as surprised as any of us.

The pony looked back at Treasure, then back at me and snarled in frustration. She floated into the air. A red light shone from inside the ball. "My powers are not yet strong enough for a dragon." The dark mare spoke. The glass ball swirled around her as it built up its own glow, and a bolt of energy fired from within it. Treasure roared as she was struck, but there was no visible damage where the magic crackled on her scales. Her snarl was so loud and deep, I could feel it in my bones again. She was ready to lunge at the pony, wings raised.

I scrambled to get out of the way. Her claws pushing off the street so close to where I was, the impact practically catapulted me into a snow-covered bush on the sidewalk. She missed the floating mare and reflexively tried to flap her wings to catch herself tumbling forward. The street was too narrow for that, though. Carts on the road were launched in all directions and her wings scraped against buildings on either side. Luckily the glass from a broken window didn't seem to scratch her pearly scales. That's when I noticed a bunch of... things crawling all over Treasure's body. Some of them had fallen off when she tumbled and were now scurrying around like spiders of unusual size. Treasure seemed unfazed by their presence and was getting ready to make another lunge at the unknown mare. She roared again when a bolt of energy got her in the shoulder.

"Treasure, stop!" There was no way she heard me.

"Riot!" It was Bou! She was following down the street after Treasure, who was chasing the mare. She stopped when she spotted me.

"What in the hell is going on!?" I was relieved to see a friend right now, and she seemed to be involved in this too.

"I don't know! I was just talking with this lady and Treasure comes out of nowhere and attacks her!" Bou exclaimed, "I thought she was nice but she started using all this crazy magic when Treasure came at her!"

One of the things that had fallen off the dragon was moving towards us. It looked like... Okay, this is turning into a bit of a day. It seemed like a disembodied hand. A bit larger than a human's, but the proportions of the digits were longer, and with bony tips like claws. It pulsed with raw muscle, blood vessels, and bits of hair all over it. "Bou, watch out!" We both stepped away from each other when I saw the hand-thing take a flying leap to try and grasp the reindeer with its claws. When it did, it made a pained squeal that made my stomach turn. It fell over on the ground after missing its target, and from that angle I could see clearly the head of a rat sticking out from the meat where the hand might meet a wrist. The rat head squeaked and squealed as the claws rolled to set it upright. The pavement was wet with the fluids it had lost in doing so. The hand-thing was poised to strike a second time. "Nope," I spun and bucked whatever that was to the next block over.

Bou swallowed nervously as she touched back down to the street, "That mare used a kind of magic from her orb. It did... that! To some sewer rats! I've never seen anything like it!"

"Jesus..." I carefully wiped my back hoof on a curb. I didn't like touching the rat-hand-thing. "What do we do?"

"I don't know. What even happened? I thought Treasure was with you?" She leaned forward.

"Uhhh... I kind of... Told her to go away," I admitted to Bou.

She looked confused, "Go away...? Like 'away' away?" I only nodded while avoiding her glare. I looked up at the tall buildings that cast their shadows over us. But Bou just floated back into my line of sight with her magic.

"Wait, really? She flew us all the way here and you're trying to ditch her?"

"Kinda..."

"She thinks she belongs to you, and you're going to abandon her?"

I shrugged, "She abandoned Cool Cat Freckles easily enough."

"Riot!" Bou was not pleased. We both flinched when the battle taking place behind us rumbled the streets.

The mare had used some high-impact spell to knock Treasure down. A dragon-shaped indentation of rubble decorated a series of townhomes like a mural of destruction. Treasure growled and swung her tail, knocking the mystery mare into the air.

"She tried to eat me, Bou! Look at her, she's a monster!"

Bou was quiet for a moment. She glanced off to the side and sneered. Another one of those hand-monsters was caught in mid-air by her magic and she tossed it down an alleyway. She shivered in disgust before she spoke again, "I get it. I remember. You were really scared, and not the good kind of scared."

"Panicked, Bou," I clarified, "I was panicked. I bet it smells different than how I feel right now, right? Or however it works." She nodded silently as we both turned to watch the sorceress flying our way.

I ducked, and Bou hit the ground to do the same. But she simply took off overhead. The light inside her glass ball had changed to glow green, "Oh, no! No, no, no! We need to leave!" The ball turned red again, "That is what I am saying, you fool! Disengage!" Her voice was fading out as she turned the corner around a skyscraper in the distance. Treasure passed overhead in pursuit, Bou and I braced ourselves in the wind when she worked her wings to gain altitude. The flap of her wings seemed to strain the windows on the buildings. She gracefully rolled to twist around the structure without her wingspan clipping it.

The breeze settled and Bou caught one of the fliers dancing in the air. She held it in her magic, looking it over curiously.

"That bitch had eyes like Sombra..." I realized the similarity after getting a second look at her.

Bou smiled at the contents of the flier and then stuffed the paper into her neck floof. "Gosh, I haven't heard that name since I was a kid. I didn't see her face while her hood was up. Was it spooky?"

I turned away and responded flatly, "Even spookier than you, Bou." I couldn't help but smile a little when she gasped indignantly.

"You take that back! She can't be spookier than me!"

I turned back to her, unable to hide my smirk and unable to care if I did, "Sorry Bou, I don't make the rules. Those purple smoky eyes are paralyzing up close. Seems like a cute little doe like you is going to have to step up her scare game to compete in this town," I pointed my hoof at her with a playful wave to it.

She blushed with the fiercest little pout. "Oooh! Just you wait, Riot!" She floated higher than me to try and intimidate, "Your cute-ceañera is going to be a surprise party that will not be for the faint of heart!"

I gave an exasperated sigh. "Oh, Bou. I hoped you had forgotten about that. I know I did," I grumbled.

Treasure had come back from around a skyscraper, no longer in pursuit of the mystery pony. Several of those rat-hand-things were shaken and blown from her body as she flapped her wings for a careful landing in front of us. "My king!" She addressed me as she always did.

"Treasure, what the hell!?" I wasted no time confronting her.

"Just what was that, Treasure?" Bou was right behind me.

"I apologize, my king," Treasure lowered her head, "The enemy disappeared into the shadows. I lost track of her. Even her scent is gone. I don't know what she wanted, but Bou is safe now."

Bou was incredulous, "Of course I'm safe! That lady was super nice until you showed up!"

"Whoa, hold on! Okay Treasure, back up!" The dragon began to shuffle backwards from her crouched position on all-fours. I rolled my eyes and worded it to her more carefully, "I mean tell me what happened! Start from the when I saw you after we landed."

"You told me that you wanted yourself and Bou to be safe. So, I flew off to find Bou. When I did, that pony was in the midst of drawing a blade on Bou, so-" she began to explain and Bou cut her off.

"What!? She had a blade!?" Apparently Bou was almost as clueless as I was. Sirens in the distance told us that Vanhoover's law enforcement was approaching to respond to the 'dragon attack.'

I groaned in frustration, "Oh great, the police!"

"You ordered me not to kill anyone, my king," Treasure started, "The best way for me to follow that order would be for us to flee. Then I can explain in full." What a way to put it, but she wasn't wrong. Bou was already floating up to hitch a ride on the dragon's back.

"Another town, another place we're not-Wagh!" She screamed, "Treasure, there's still one on your wing!"

The dragon bent her long neck around to see what the reindeer had meant. One of those meaty hand claw things was still clinging to the arm of her wing. She stared at it for only a moment before reaching back to pull it off with her teeth. Bou and I both visibly cringed when she just gulped it down like a duck with a piece of bread.

"Augh! Treasure, why!?" I cried out in disgust.

"They are merely rats, my king. Their flesh twisted by magic and puppeteered to attempt us harm. That is something I will not allow."

"Whatever! Let's just go!" I trotted back to climb up her tail like I had done back at Mount Wishimay. Bou joined and we took off. I looked back and saw the silly siren hats of the police pegasi in pursuit.

"Hold on tight!" Treasure gave warning before she started taking sharp maneuvers between buildings. "It has been a while since I had been a getaway dragon, but the skills have not left me!"

I had to hand it to her, she wasn't lying. I would give her police-dodging skills at least four wanted stars out of five. Eventually, she flew us South to a quiet construction site outside the city. 'Development resumes after Hearth's Warming,' according to the sign.

"We should be safe here, my king," Treasure announced as we landed.

Bou floated in front of Treasure's face, "Now what was that you were saying about a blade?"

"Hang on," I called to the reindeer as I leaped to Treasure's leg, and then to the ground, "That still only gives me partial context. You start, Bou. Who was that?"

"Okay, so I was looking for ideas to get ready for your cute-ceañera," she started.

"Not really a concern right now Bou," I deadpanned.

"And I noticed this lady in a dark cloak. She was arguing with herself and looking into her crystal ball. She was weird at first, but turned out to be really nice! All I did was wish her a happy Hearth's Warming and she started up a conversation with me. She was a very good listener! I thought she must have been a unicorn, since she was floating that crystal ball around her the whole time. I didn't think anything of it. So I sang a song about how important a cute-ceañera is for a pony, and after that we were going to the shopping area."

"Hang on, you sang a song?" I confirmed.

"Well, yeah!" Bou grinned. Treasure only nodded calmly. Apparently, this was normal.

Wait, I remember the show now. Yeah, that checks out.

"So anyway," Bou continued, "After some window shopping, the lady said she knew a shortcut so she was leading me into an alleyway. That's when Treasure came in all roaring and snarling. She scared the daylights out of both of us! I thought it was great, but the weird lady didn't think so I guess. She shot into the air and started shooting all these magic lasers from her crystal ball!"

"That's when-" Treasure started but I turned back to her swiftly and cut her off.

"No!" I shouted at her with a hoof pointed, "I asked Bou to start. Let her finish." The dragon was silent. She lowered her head again and we both looked to Bou for her to continue.

Bou, though, just looked between us and smiled sheepishly, "Actually, I'm finished."

"Oh..." I slowly turned back to the other one, "Alright, Treasure. Now you tell me what happened."

The dragon locked her lime-green eyes to me and raised her head back up, "You had told me that you wish for you and Bou to be safe, and that you release me."

Bou's eyes locked onto me as well. This was the first time her glare actually seemed like a glare, and it scared me a little.

"So I went off in search of Bou, to ensure she was safe," Treasure continued, "I eventually spotted her, and a stranger was leading her into an alley. I saw the sun shine from the knife they were pulling behind their back and I jumped in to defend." Bou's ears turned down, somehow looking even more incredulous.

"So she was going to hurt Bou?" I asked to clarify.

Treasure nodded, "There is no other way I could have interpreted it, my king. She was readying to strike while Bou's back was turned."

Bou seemed pale, "But why?" Her ears had turned down.

I wasn't happy with this information either. But despite my words, despite my feelings towards her, this dragon protected my friend. I couldn't deny that. "Treasure... You did good. Thank you." Treasure looked genuinely pleased to be praised.

"Yes, thank you! Thank you so much, Treasure!" Bou floated higher to meet Treasure's eyes. Though Treasure only spared her a glance and a nod.

"What happened next?" I asked Treasure to continue.

"That's when the chase began, my king," the dragon explained, "You pretty much know the rest. Whatever magic she is using, it can do things to living flesh. You saw what use she made of those rats." I didn't want to think about those rats.

"But she got you with a few of those spells, Treasure," Bou was looking the dragon over for any sign of damage.

The dragon nodded, "It penetrated my scales. Those spots where she struck me are trying to twist themselves on the inside." I winced at that. It sounded like she was in a lot of pain but wasn't showing it.

"Why did all of this happen?" I voiced the obvious question to the both of them. The girls looked at each other, unable to bring a sure answer. "Bou, you actually talked to her. Can you tell me anything more? Details?"

The reindeer floated back and forth while looking down at her dangling hooves. She seemed to be concentrating. "Well, let's see. I was passing by a school when we met. I noticed her because I had never met anyone with two scents of fear. She was kinda just hanging around the outside of the school for some reason. Like I said, she was arguing with herself while looking at her crystal ball. I wished her a happy Hearth's Warming and she started walking alongside me. She asked what a little reindeer like me was doing out here, I told her I was getting ready for a friend's cute-ceañera. She seemed interested. Asked about what classes I like. I told her I haven't played Ogres & Oubliettes in a while. Honestly, she had this very gentle and patient demeanor when talking to me. It was really easy to- Oh goodness, she thought I was a child."

Both Bou and I allowed our hoof to meet our face in exasperation. "A grown doe indeed," I groaned.

"Oh. Are you... not a child?" The dragon sounded genuinely surprised.

"No!" Bou immediately defended, "I. Am. An adult! I'm just small!"

Treasure looked Bou up and down, "So... What are you? His bride?"

"No!" Bou and I both shouted.

Treasure tilted her head, "...Concubine?"

"No!" We both repeated.

Treasure narrowed her eyes to scrutinize her petite companion, "...Well, young lady. If you're a fellow servant to my king, your manner speaks to a lack-"

"She's not any of those things!" I interrupted, "And it's not important right now! What's important is that there's a crazy witch out in that town who is looking to slice up some kids!"

"Yeah!" Bou agreed both with the point and with the change in topic, "But we're the only ones who know."

"Argh, what to do...?" I dug a hoof into the dirt under the snow.

"Give the word, and I'll hunt her down," Treasure offered. Both Bou and I stared up at her in bewilderment. She looked me right in the eyes, "My king... Those rats were still alive when that magic changed them. What if she can do the same thing to you?" That warning made my heart sink. "You do not need to put yourself in harm's way."

I looked over at Bou, she looked back at me. We were both worried for the dragon that had already gotten hurt trying to stop this evil pony.

"Maybe it's hopeless. I mean, where would we even start looking?" I asked.

Bou's face snapped into a manic grin, "Oh, I know!" She pulled a wadded up piece of paper out of her neck floof, "Here, here!" She seemed to bounce on thin air while she floated it over to me to examine.

I squinted at the paper. As I had thought, it was the same ad for the Tween Frame cute-ceañera that I had seen at Sort By Rarity. It was some rich kid's party. There was a shot, but I was skeptical. "What? No way it's that. We're not going to that!" With every word I got in, Bou only nodded her head faster.

"That's the paper that the sorceress read before she vanished from the streets, my king," Treasure chimed in, "I can confirm that she knows about the event and is likely to strike there next."

I growled and turned away from the flier in frustration, "God damn it!"

"It's happening tonight on the top floor of One Tall Centre," Bou had brought it back over to herself to read it over once more. Her eyes turned up to view the Vanhoover skyline in the distance and she pointed her hoof out, "I'm betting it's that building right there. The building in the center that's the tall one!"

"Thanks, Agatha Creepy!"

"My king, if it is your will..." Treasure was raising herself to a standing position and looking out to where Bou was pointing.

I had made up my mind. I trotted over to the dragon and called up to her, "Treasure, no!" She seemed to heed my voice and she lowered herself back down, "Every authority in the city is going to be looking for a big, white dragon. Plus, you've already done plenty. You kept Bou and I safe. I... I thank you for that," I put my hoof on her snout, "I can still do something. I'll handle it." Treasure smiled at me again, only answering with a slight nod. I turned from her and looked out at the city where I was going to go find an evil sorceress. "I want you to stay here and watch that rooftop. If things look like they're getting real bad, get over there as soon as you can."

"We're going to a cute-ceañera!" Bou cheered. "Treasure, my large chest, please!" The dragon complied. She unhooked the large chest from around her neck and lowered it onto a flatbed trailer nearby.

"'We?'" My voice dripped with skepticism, "She was already going to gut you in a back alley!"

Bou hopped up on the flatbed and flipped her large chest open before turning back to answer me, "And I'm not about to let that happen to someone else! Besides, I got a plan!"

The night was clear, the stars and the moon in full view. Bou and I were in the elevator riding to the top of One Tall Centre in our disguises. I brought my hoof up to mess with the bun that my mane had been tied into.

"Don't ruin your mane! And remember to stay in character until we know what she's up to," Bou scolded me.

"I'm not worried about staying in character. Not worried at all," I assured the reindeer disguised as a changeling, "I'm just not happy about it either."

The elevator door opened with a ding. That little sound was drowned out by the rabble and chatter at this penthouse party. Creatures from all over town, young and old, were dressed up for the occasion.

"Welcome!" A unicorn stallion approached us, "Please, help yourself to refreshments! Little Tween Frame is so happy that you could make it!"

"And why wouldn't she be? It's only a party once Zephyr Breeze arrives!" I extended my hoof to meet his, "Are you here to take our coats, good sir?"

The unicorn raised a brow at me. Somehow, the grip of his hoof was quickly becoming unbearable, "I'm Public Works. The mayor. I helped organize this cute-ceañera for my daughter."

'Perfect. I'm playing this character like a fucking boss,' I thought to myself while grinning through the pain. "Oh, wonderful. Say hello, Phoba."

"Hiya, Mister!" Bou hobbled over on three legs and smiled sweetly, "I'd shake your hoof too, but I'd rather keep this one."

"Oh! Well met, little one," Public Works smiled politely at who, as far as he knew, was a crippled child, "And happy Hearth's Warming!"

I knew Bou didn't have to act to return season's greetings so enthusiastically. "Happy Hearth Warming, Mister Works! Mister Breeze sure was nice to take me to this party."

"What can I say? When the School of Friendship needs volunteers to help less fortunate changelings, who am I to turn down the chance to make a difference?" I elaborated maybe a little too much.

"Well, feel free to mingle while you're here. You won't find another town like Vanhoover and its fine ponies!" Public Works invited us in, "The premiere will be out on the rooftop deck. Creatures who can fly will find cloud seats available."

We both smiled a bit too widely as we made our way in and broke eye contact with the mayor. I immediately lowered by head to growl a whisper into Bou's ear. "Don't you think the crippled child angle is a bit too conspicuous? Why are we even in disguise?"

Bou charged her magic up and turned my head out to the rooftop deck, "That's why!" I spotted pegasus police officers flying by on patrol, keeping a watchful eye on the city below and the sky above. "Like you said, they're on the lookout for a dragon," she whispered back, "I was seen with Treasure! So were you!"

"So was the sorceress," I whispered back, "That means that if she's here, she'll be in disguise too. Right?"

The tiny changeling nodded, "We can cover more ground if we split up. I'll mingle with the other kids here and keep an eye on them. But I'm pretty sure she'll target the filly of honor."

"Don't scare them too much. I'll talk to the adults and see if I can find anything. Do my wings look real enough?" I was about to go off after 'Phoba' gave the affirmative. She tugged on my coattails before I got too far.

"Happy cute-ceañera, everypony!" My companion shouted to the room, much to my immediate panic.

"Happy cute-ceañera!" So many voiced called back, glasses raised into the air.

I gave the biggest, fakest, most-nervous smile my new pony face has ever had to muster and I raised my hoof in kind. "Ha ha, yeah... Happy... cute-ceañera."

"That was meant for you, not that they know that," Bou sing-songed in my ear.

"Y-yeah, I figured..." I held my fake smile, for my sake and for Bou's, before we went our separate ways into the crowds. I composed myself. It wouldn't be in-character for me to be capable of embarrassment.

Okay, improv time. What would Zephyr Breeze do? I found some ponies discussing current affairs around a champagne fountain. Though from the color and consistency, I was betting it was actually an apple cider fountain. I had to admit, it was a pretty fancy setup. I really was starting to thirst just from the sight of it. No, that wouldn't do. There are more pressing matters. But the whole thing does give me an idea. "Oh, my goodness. This is the finest... tablecloth I've ever seen!" A lot of the guests had taken notice of my play of flamboyance. "I have to know who organized this little shindig! Their color coordination could give even an aesthetic genius like myself a run for his money!" Bou had dressed me up in some formal wear that was probably better-looking than what the actual Zephyr Breeze would have worn to this party. A unicorn and an earth pony at the table both gave me a deadpan look and pointed their hooves to the other side of the room. From that direction, it wasn't hard to spot a unicorn mare with a done-up mane and a dress that looked like it would cost half of Treasure's hoard. Bingo. She was levitating a plate of food across the floor. "Hello! You must be Tween Frame's mother!"

She turned her head towards me and smiled, but her dress caught on the step down from the dining area and she lost her footing. I acted quickly, and caught her before she took a dive onto her plate. She huffed a sigh of relief and took my hoof to help her regain stability. The plate floated higher in her magical grip. "Oh, thank you."

I noticed that she had narrowly avoided the ketchup-smothered hot dog that she carried on the plate, "It wouldn't do to get red on you."

"Indeed," she gave a light giggle, "I can't imagine anything worse that could happen tonight. This is bespoke from Sort By Rarity. One of their finest since they opened." I could think of worse things. But I played along.

"It would certainly be the wurst, Miss..." I trailed off, prompting her to introduce herself.

She gracefully went from holding onto my hoof to pull herself up to shaking it politely in greeting, "Missus Magic Eye. Well met. And you're Zephyr Breeze, if I'm not mistaken. How's the west coast treating you?"

"O-oh! Haaaa, you know me!" I couldn't help but stammer. This was unexpected. Since when did this jackass have a reputation!?

Magic Eye maintained eye contact from underneath that dark, formal eyeshadow. "I make a point to know everypony of some importance if I can. That's showbiz, after all. It doesn't matter if the magic pictures are live ponies or animations, silent or talkies, or if they're in full color. It's about who you know and what you can do," she explained, "So of course I'm aware of the brother of one of Equestria's greatest heroes." Not aware enough to tell him from an imposter, I thought to myself. But at least that makes sense.

"Oh? You're a part of the movies, huh?" I rubbed my chin with genuine interest, "What exactly do you do?"

"Ugh, that's right. The common folk have taken to calling them that, haven't they?" She puffed out her chest a little, clearly proud of her work if not a bit of a braggart, "Why, I own and operate all the equipment that will be used for the premiere tonight. You see that screen outside? Well the storage space above us has been cleared enough to serve as a projector room."

"Right, right!" I nodded, looking out to the deck where the big screen was strung up on the open air by some magical means. "I'm guessing what you have must be state-of-the-art! Perfect for Tween Frame's big night, huh?"

Magic Eye's enthusiasm was ever present. Her tone sounded less boastful, more genuine, "My little Tween Frame is blossoming into her talent as a cartoonist and I want to give her every opportunity to succeed. I was actually on my way to bring her this food," she nodded towards a door at the wall we were facing, "She should be up there right now with that eccentric mare from the Magic Picture Association."

Now we were getting somewhere. "Say, this mare, did she happen to have strange, purple eyes?" I leaned in for the answer. If that sorceress was already with the child, I had to move fast.

"It was hard to tell behind those sunglasses. Why?"

I snatched the plate of food from the magical aura she was floating and gave my biggest grin, "Why yes, I'm actually her assistant tonight!" That might contradict my alibi with the father, but that shouldn't matter as long as I can protect the kid in time. "Don't you worry, Magic Eye. I'll bring Tween Frame this food and help finish the preparations." I turned and promptly slammed my nose into the door.

Magic Eye used her magic to turn the knob and open the way, "Well thank you, Zephyr Breeze. Be sure to tell her it's from me. I know she loves the extra catsup." I shook my head to set my eyes straight and gave her my biggest grin one more time before leaving up the stairs.

"Ponies flock and herd, they hang on your word, you entertain and bring them joy..."

What the hell was that? What was I hearing?

"Across the land, your name it lights! You'll be above the wrongs and rights! The decision isn't hard, no need to be coy!"

It was singing. There was singing going on in here. Not only that, but a red glow was diffused throughout the dusty storage space. I crept up to the top of the stairs and peeked.

"Your wishes will come true, this opportunity is a steal! This is how we close a deal!"

I knew it! It was the mare from before. She was singing to a little filly while her orb floated around them like a hornet on the attack.

The filly stepped forward. She had a very expensive-looking dress on as well, but it was cropped in such a way to show off her cutie mark. On her flank she had the image of a bottle of ink pouring onto film. "My daddy says it's worth the hard work and pain. To put my heart in my ink and entertain. Tonight I will show that it's not just my dream, but my destiny. But my mommy says I should discuss what you would have to gain?" My thoughts turned as I watched this play out through the wooden bars on the stair railing. This must be Tween Frame. The little cartoonist, and the sorceress' next victim. Why was she trying to manipulate the child?

The orb's glow changed from red to green, just like before. "Run before you're done! Hide to save your hide!" The sorceress continued into another verse, but her tone was completely different. The orb switched back to red, and she changed back to how she was singing before.

"Everything! I lost everything so long ago! But with the your blood, sweat and tears, but mostly blood, my new body will grow!"

The orb was green again, "Carna Regalia has been telling you lies! There are two ponies behind these eyes. You can not trust my words are real. I beg of you, child, just walk away! Do not let her have her way! There is no need to close a deal!" She pulled her sunglasses down in the middle of her rhymes, revealing the purple smoke-like tears that flowed endlessly from her evil eyes. Tween Frame seemed to flinch as she met her gaze.

Carna Regalia? Who was that?

The sunglasses were brought back up as the orb's glow went red once more. She turned away from Tween Frame and seemed to have an aside with herself, "A life for a life, the deal was clear. But you do not need to fear. There is no need for death. After all, my magic only works if she still draws breath." She spun back around, levitating a dagger from beneath her cloak. I wasted no time. I set the plate of food down and started to move again while she sung, "Child, do not pass this chance to make your future ideal. This custom is the way it's done in Applewood. All you have to do is sign with your blood and we'll be good. The MPA can build a career with this contract, made just for you. Your parents will be proud, you know this is true." That seemed to motivate Tween Frame, and she was reaching out to the dagger with a hoof. The dark mare wore a manic grin as she approached, the dagger raised, "This. Is. How. We. Close. A- Oof!"

"Aah!" Tween Frame cried out in surprise when I emerged from the darkness to tackle the sorceress with all of my body weight. Those sunglasses flew off somewhere under the projector table. The dagger was launched from the sorceress' magical aura after she lost concentration and it clattered to the floor.

The orb dropped to the floor as well, it filled the room with a green glow as it rolled towards us. The mare's eyes were shocked to see me trying to pin her, but she wasn't resisting. "You're the one from before..."

The room was red now, the orb had changed and it floated into the air again.

"The one who does not belong in his skin! Ragh!" Her expression turned to rage and the glass ball slammed into my side. I grunted in pain and rolled off of her.

"Tween Frame, go!" I shouted to the kid. The projector table, the boxes and crates along the wall, everything in the room that wasn't nailed down started to shimmer with an aura before moving to block the staircase. Tween Frame screamed and ducked her head to avoid the flying furniture. The projector wobbled precariously through the whole thing, and it finally fell over after settling on the pile of blockage. It knocked into operation, and the opposite side of the room was lit with a black-and-white rubber hose cartoon of a pony hoisting a cow onto a steamboat.

The mare's hooves were no longer touching the floor. Her flowing eyes glared at me while the crystal ball was orbiting around her body. The lop-sided movie that was over her and the wall behind her was flashing blood red every time the crystal ball passed in front of the projector's light. "You do not know with whom you trifle, strange one! Tonight, Equestria will bow to my restored power!"

I laughed, "Big words coming from a Halloween decoration," I stood up and got between the sorceress and the child. I knew Tween Frame was even more scared than I was.

"Who are you!?" Tween Frame whimpered. The poor kid was struggling to ignite her horn under the stress of the situation.

I looked back at her for just a moment, "Eh, just call me Zephyr Breeze. I won't let her-" My whole body I crumpled to the floor and Tween Frame screamed. A spell had been fired from the crystal ball and every muscle in my body felt like it was trying to scramble away from itself in different directions, like I was being torn apart from the inside out. I groaned in pain through a waking nightmare of full body cramps and spasms. Carna Regalia was in my face.

"Once I regain my full power, I will fold you into an origami swan," she floated higher to move passed me. I struggled to jerk my body into control, but in my desperation I was able to rear up and hook a foreleg around her neck to drag her back down.

"It's a TV-Y rating, you cunt!" I snarled through my agony.

"You fool!" The mare cried out as she rolled to the floor with me. We both growled at each other, and I could feel the pain ease from my muscles as I regained full control. I didn't think of where her magic was going, I only seized the desperate opportunity to swing my hoof across her face. As soon as I did, the crystal ball was practically touching my nose and its red glow was intensifying. "I despise letting good meat expire, but in your case I will make an exception."

"Oh fuck!" I dropped at the last second and a massive wave of energy shot at where my head just was. I could hear Tween Frame scream again, and the whole room shook as it blew the roof wide open. Commotion could be heard outside. Everycreature at the party knew there was something going on now.

"Unhoof me!" My head was pressed against the mare's belly after dodging her blast. She tried to wriggle out from under me while rubbing the bruise I had left on her cheek.

Moonlight filtered in as the dust parted. A small shape had appeared in the hole in the ceiling. "Riot?" It was Bou, still in her changeling disguise.

"Bou!" I called back to her, letting her know I was okay.

"Did you find the sorceress?" She called back with the dumbest question.

"Nah, the roof just does that sometimes. Bou, get the kid! She's down here!" A bolt of magic hit me in the chest and I tried to scream. My lungs wouldn't let me.

Bou's flew down and zoomed to the filly cowering over by her projector. Tween Frame whined in confusion when she saw the three-legged changeling. "Shh! You're okay, you're gonna be fine." Bou tried to comfort the terrified child, "We're here to help. Come on, get on my back. I can fly us out of here."

Tween Frame sucked up some courage and complied while the sorceress was getting to her hooves. "Wh-what about Zephyr Breeze?" She and Bou looked back over to me. I wheezed, struggling to fill my lungs after getting hit by that spell. Her magic was constricting my lungs. This wasn't good.

"I do not know what you are, but you can not fool the Queen of Flesh and Bone with that shape!" Her boasting seemed like a good opportunity to strike. I tried knocking the crystal ball out of the air with another punch, it punched back and knocked me across the floor. I was on my side now, my fake wings were barely hanging on by their wires. I silently groaned against the magically-induced asthma attack. My head was getting lighter, my nostrils flared. I smelled ketchup.

Bou didn't waste any time. She soared towards the hole in the ceiling. The mare's eyes turned to them. "I will have the child! Her young blood will be merged with my being and I will be born anew!" Another blast was building from the crystal ball and it fired. Both of them screamed as Bou's head and forelegs were struck by the magic attack. Tween Frame was held in the moonlight by Carna Regalia's magic while Bou fell the ground. She was hurt, but it seemed that her disguise took the brunt of the damage. What was left of it sagged around her waist like a pair of trousers.

The wall opposite of them still showed the cartoon playing from the projector. The crystal ball painted a big, red circle across the moving image, and in that circle was the shadow cast by Tween Frame hanging in the air. The shadow of a dagger flew into the scene, ready to strike. "Everypony, every body in Equestria will be mine once again!" The dagger thrust forward.

SPLACK!

Tween Frame cried out as she was splattered in red. The knife was buried in the middle of a hot dog, now flying into the corner of the room. Tears streamed down the little girl's eyes when she looked down at the crimson splatter on her dress. The sorceress paused, her head turned at where the foreign object had come from. My hoof was shaking as I lifted it from the plate I had set down earlier.

"You imbecile!" She cried out with a crazed grin, "You thought you could stop me with a haydog? The girl's essence is mine!" The crystal ball rose between the sorceress and Tween Frame. Poor Tween Frame shrieked in terror as the red fluid on her dress started flowing towards the orb, like a river of blood through the air. "Yes! I can feel the change!" The sorceress' eyes glowed, and the voice was coming from the orb now instead of her mouth. "New tissue transmuting from her essence! Carna Regalia has retu-"

In the blink of an eye, the crystal ball turned into a tomato.

I gasped for air. I could breath again. Her magic was completely gone. I only considered that for a second before diving to catch Tween Frame from falling. We rolled once, but I held her close. "Are you okay, kid?"

She looked up at me, still clearly scared and confused. She sniffled, "My dress is ruined..." We both looked down at the ketchup stain, "It was from Sort By Rarity. My mom is gonna be real mad."

"There are worse things, kid." I gave her a smile before putting her down on her own hooves.

The tomato hit the floor with a bounce. I looked up and saw the sorceress sitting there, her eyes were locked on the tomato while she cycled through several emotions. "She's gone..." She put her hooves up to her head, eyes moving back at forth, "I can't hear her anymore. She's actually gone." The projector reel ended, now only casting a still, warm light.

"Bou?" I called out to the other side of the room that was mostly decorated in broken-ceiling debris. "Bou, are you okay!?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Somehow..." Bou groaned, pulling herself up from behind some wooden beams. Her eyes were rolling in different directions, "I'm starting to think I took Ho-ho-honnesberg for granted."

The sorceress looked over at the reindeer, astonished. "Oh. That changeling face wasn't your actual flesh. So that's why you're alive." She muttered.

"Hey! Carna Regalia!" I barked at the mare. She turned her wide eyes to me as I picked the tomato up from the floor.

"I'm Olive Branch. Carna Regalia is dead."

"Whatever. Can you cast magic without the thing?" She slowly shook her head, still seeming only partially lucid. "Good."

SPLAT!

I threw the tomato. Its red juices splattered all over her face and neck. She closed her eyes on impact, but other than that she barely flinched. She stared at me, and I scowled back. A silence hung between everyone in the room.

Ears twitched as the panicked commotion outside heightened. Ponies screamed and flying creatures blew passed the hole in the ceiling in a rush. "What's going on?" Tween Frame begged. Bou and I looked at each other, knowing what came next.

The whole building shook as the weight of a dragon settled on the roof. The beats of Treasure's wings kicked up the dust in the room and she gave a ferocious roar when she stuck her enormous head inside. Everyone folded their ears back by reflex. It was loud enough to drown out Tween Frame's startled scream. I held her against me, trying to keep her calm. I watched as Treasure spotted the foe and lunged her neck forward with a deep, rumbling growl. The sorceress looked up at the crushing fangs coming down on her for a moment, then just hung her head in acceptance.

"No!" I called out to the dragon. She halted without question.

"Why not!?" The sorceress picked her head up and shouted at me. She was furious. "I let something terrible happen tonight! It's all I've ever done! Just let me die!" There were tears in her voice, but only the purple smoke flowed down from her eyes. Bou was visibly wincing at her words and her tone.

I raised an eyebrow, "You're disarmed and I don't have the full story yet. Sorry, spooky-eyes. No easy out yet."

"Her eyes aren't that spooky..." Bou grouched with her face scrunched up.

Sirens in the distance now, all ears in the room perked back up. Treasure lifted her head from the hole in the ceiling to look at what was presumably a police force on approach. I turned back to the pony who called herself Olive Branch. "What happens if I leave you here for the authorities?"

She wore a scowl to match mine now, our eyes were locked on each other. "Then I will do whatever I must to have them kill me."

"Fuck that. Bou, get the cuffs, please." Bou floated over to her large chest strapped around Treasure's neck. Treasure made no fuss while the reindeer opened her stash. The anti-magic bindings that Cool Cat Freckles' henchman had used against us before were fished up.

"They're coming, my king." Treasure warned as the sirens got closer.

"Grab her and lock her up," I instructed. Treasure reached down with her neck to hold the disarmed sorceress between her teeth. She hung there, hooves dangling while Bou strapped the shackles together. Their anti-magic properties kicked in as soon as the latch completed the etchings around the metal.

I turned back to the kid, "Help is on the way. You be sure to tell them you're safe. Also, make sure you tell them that Zephyr Breeze saved you, and nothing else happened. I don't know if anyone will believe you..." I realized just how tall of a tale this would be for anyone who knew the guy I was disguised as. "But can you do that for me, Tween Frame?" She nodded, still clinging to me. I reached up to rub her head with my hoof. "Good. Happy cute-ceañera. Sorry it didn't go as planned."

Treasure was urgent, "We should go now. They will be ready for a dragon this time."

I let the child go and trotted over. I swallowed my own hesitation as she picked me up in her mouth again. She tossed me up and I cried out and flailed my hooves in the air before belly-flopping on her back between the spines. "Oof! Okay, cheese it!"

"We must fly with haste, my king!" Treasure warned, pumping her giant wings to rise from the highest roof in the city.

"That means... Oh, no! Not again!" I wailed as she dove from the skyscraper like she had from the mountaintop before. Another rollercoaster from hell. Bou screeched with delight. Olive Branch was dead quiet, even while she dangled by the forelegs that were bound and chained to one of Treasure's spines.

Treasure adjusted her angle. Gravity had done all the work to build up her speed and now her wings carried us out of town for a clean getaway.

Treasure had climbed to a higher altitude, her wings spread wide to coast further South. Each of us coming down from from the night's incident.

"...I am never wearing a man-bun again," I finally said something.

"We made it to Equestria, at least!" Bou's chipper voice tried to help the easing tension.

"That's true. Maybe I'm one step closer to getting home."

Olive Branch burst out into laughter. It was the first sound she had made since we detained her, and it seemed to catch both of us off guard.

"What did you say to make her laugh, Riot?"

Her laughing halted in a very abrupt and unsettling way. She tilted her head back and towards me, those eyes trailing dark magic through the air. "How is something like you possibly from Equestria?"

"What is she talking about?"

"Ah, well... I think some explanations are owed," I turned my head down, avoiding the purple and orange glares on me. "If I'm getting home in time for Christmas, we might need portal magic or something."

"Okay, yeah. Definitely need an explanation here."

"Portal magic?" Olive Branch chimed in, "Tell me, have you ever heard of the Baleful Maelstrom?"