Cutie Mark Crusader Paranormal Investigators, YAY!!!!

by DagaYemar

Rating: everyone
Tags: Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Scootaloo, Random, Crossover
Length: 3490

Something spooky's about, and the Crusaders are gonna find out what it is!

Creaking doors that move without being touched. Lights switching on and off on their own. Moans and whispers coming from empty rooms. There's only one explanation: Something has made its way into the house. Something... unearthly.

But what, exactly? I mean, you can't really exorcise a ghost without knowing what kind of ghost it is first.

Looks like it's up to three fillies to figure it out!

Published 2023-02-18 16:20:00 UTC
Last updated 2023-02-18 16:20:00 UTC

Ready Up

The wagon's wheels slid on the mist-slick cobblestones as they approached the darkened building. It loomed ominously out of the fog, with not a single light visible in any of its many windows nor any other sign of life. As the wagon ground to a halt before its dark doors, its occupants looked up at the house's imposing silhouette and each suppressed a shudder.

Big Mac flexed a kink out of his shoulder under the wagon's harness and looked over at his sister and her friends. "Alright, we've arrived. Check yer equipment and get set up before investigatin'."

The three Crusaders looked at each other for a quiet moment before diving for the equipment.

"Yes!" Scootaloo shouted triumphantly a few moments later, emerging from the scuffle with the thermometer held proudly in her hoof. Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle grumbled in disappointment for a bit, but started collecting the rest of their equipment. Soon they were armed with the tools of their currently chosen trade and huddled outside the wagon.

"Here we go, girls," Apple Bloom said, holding her hoof out. Her two best friends laid their hooves on top of hers and listened close. "Ya'll know the drill. Get in, get the evidence, an' get out. Ready?"

"CUTIE MARK CRUSADER PARANORMAL INVESTIGATORS!!!!" the three of them cheered in unison, throwing their hooves into the air.

Apple Bloom turned to her brother. "Anythin' else we should know before we go in?" she asked.

Big Mac tilted his head, trying to remember everything he had been told about his sister's mission. "Eeyup. There have been new reports of a cursed object nearby. This must be the reason it was summoned here."

Apple Bloom blinked slowly at this news. "But why would she intentionally bring a cursed item into her home?"

"Because my sister is an idiot," Sweetie Belle deadpanned, walking up to the door of Carousel Boutique and laying her hoof on the doorknob. She inserted the spare key she'd been given by her sister into the keyhole and unlocked it, but paused before twisting the knob. After a reassuring look to her friends she shoved the door fully open and the three of them gingerly stepped into the storefront.

The trio paused on the threshold and waited with bated breath. After ten seconds of nothing they all let out a relieved sigh.

"Well, it's not a Grogar," Scootaloo said with a relieved laugh.

"We don't know that yet," Apple Bloom said stubbornly.

Sweetie Belle pulled out her friendship journal and flipped through the entries. "A Grogar only has a chance of attacking right away."

Apple Bloom stuck out her lip. "See? It might still be a Grogar."

"It's not a Grogar," Scootaloo argued. "It's never a Grogar! The last time we thought it was a Grogar, it was just a Discord!"

"Well, we're not going to find out standing here!" Sweetie Belle said decisively, slamming the friendship journal shut with a clap. She marched into the room, leading the others on by the light of her flashlight.

As they passed out of the showroom into the kitchen, Apple Bloom reached out and flicked the light switch on instinct. She heaved a sigh as nothing happened. "Breaker's out again. We'd better check it out."

A sweat droplet slid down Sweetie Belle's suddenly nervous face. "Er... actually, remember the other day when I said I was gonna help Mango Dash find out if her cutie mark was in electrical wiring? Well... when I checked earlier today the breaker was still spitting out sparks..."

"Great..." Apple Bloom said, holding up her lit candle a tad higher. It gave out basically no light, but it was only barely worse than the old light Sweetie was using. "If this keeps happenin', we should probably buy some better flashlights."

"You're the one who insisted we buy all those microphones. We barely ever use them!" Scootaloo held up the little glass thermometer to her eyes and gave it a little shake. "I'm not reading any cold spots down here. You think we should head upstairs?"

Sweetie Belle shook her head. "I'd rather find that cursed object and narrow this down fast."

"Ah hope it's not the haunted mirror again," Apple Bloom said. "Sunset Shimmer was not very helpful figurin' out that Pony of Shadows in the last house..."

"Wait, over there!" Sweetie Belle shouted, focusing the beam of her light on something resting on the dining table.

They dashed over and examined the music box. It had a cylindrical body decorated in brass and gold and inlaid with several large violet gemstones. A purple alicorn wearing a light yellow tutu stood in on one back leg with forelegs outstretched. Before the others could stop her, Scootaloo tossed her thermometer on the table, snatched up the music box, and hit the button on the side to activate it.

Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle immediately spun around to scan the room as eerie music filled the kitchen. Straining their ears as much as they could, they nevertheless couldn't hear anything singing along to the song. Satisfied, they turned back to see Scootaloo had her eyes glued to the box in her hooves.

"Thanks for activating me!" the little Twilight dancer said in a cheery tone as it spun slowly around. "I haven't been able to dance for years. I've been here the whole time, by the way. Frozen, unable to move or scream. How's the original Twilight?"

"This thing is doing a real number on my sanity..." Scootaloo said softly. Sweetie Belle eased the music box out of her hoof and back onto the table, while Apple Bloom handed an apple to Scootaloo. The pegasus chewed on the fruit as she shook the spell off.

"Definitely upstairs," Apple Bloom said, and the trio dashed for the stairs.

The second floor of the boutique was even darker than the first, due to the lesser number of windows letting in ambient light. The Crusaders huddled around Apple Bloom's candle and peered at the little circle of the flashlight as it played over the open doors to Rarity's bedroom and washroom. Sweetie Belle paused as the light illuminated a closet. Pulling it open, she grimaced at the stacks and stacks of cloth bolts.

"Not a good hiding spot," she muttered. She turned back to the group and after a few seconds of heated debate they slunk into the bedroom and spread out.

Scootaloo peered at the thermometer and gave it a quick shake. "Nothing yet. What do you think it is? A Shadowbolt?"

"A Shadowbolt would be more active than this," Apple Bloom countered. "Ah'm hoping we get a Great Seedling. Haven't ever seen one of them yet."

"Let's-" Sweetie Belle started, but the unmistakable creaking of a door swinging on its own cut her short. They mashed back to back in the center of the room and started spinning around, looking wildly in every direction.

"Where did that come from?!?"

"I don't know!!! I didn't see it!!!"

"The Grogar is comin' to get us!!!"

"Oh, do not start that again-"

"Not now!!! Focus!!!"

By the time they'd calmed down enough, the event had ended. Trembling, Sweetie Belle bent to pick up the flashlight from where she'd thrown it in a panic, but froze as she saw what it was shining on.

"Is that...?" she breathed, stalking forward and peering down at the cloth doll sitting on a stool in front of the vanity. The smarty pants doll was covered in a number of pushpins, including one rather large pin situated right over the doll's heart.

Apple Bloom blinked at the doll in confusion. "Why are there two cursed objects?"

"Because my sister is an IDIOT!" Sweetie Belle grated. Before she could add any more, Scootaloo swiped up the doll and slammed one of the pins at random all the way in to the base. "Wha... stop doing that with no warning!"

Scootaloo grinned apologetically and shrugged, but her too-cool-to-care act was instantly shot when a flying toothbrush smacked her in the middle of the head.

"Bathroom Ghost!" Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle shouted, slapping each others' hooves. They dashed back into the hallway, followed by Scootaloo who was rubbing her forehead. The washroom door was indeed ajar at a different angle than it had been when they'd first seen it, and inside they could see a number of towels thrown about the floor in a very un-Rarity-like fashion.

Scootaloo immediately stepped onto the bathmat in the center of the room and stared a hole into the thermometer for a minute. "No change in temperature. It's not freezing," she reported.

Sweetie Belle pulled out the friendship journal and started crossing things out. "Cool! That means it's not a Windigo, a Spirit of Hearthswarming Past, a Spirit of Hearthswarming Yet to Come..."

"We absolutely sure it's in here?" Apple Bloom asked, poking her head through the door. "Hey, give us a sign!"

The light of the candle and the flashlight flickered unevenly and Apple Bloom felt a heavy breath just behind her ear. "HUUUAHHHH!!!"

The farm girl swallowed and slipped an open book and pen onto the floor. "Understood," she said, ducking back into hall.

"We should set up the DOTS projector," Scootaloo said. The three of them stood still, and Scootaloo heaved a sigh. "Sweets, that's your cue."

"Oh, right!" Sweetie Belle said, starting. She cantered to the center of the washroom and lit up her horn, shinning a countless number of green spots all over the room.

Almost immediately the spectral figure of a pony stalked through the center of the room, lit up only by the outline of the light beams playing off its invisible form. Sweetie Belle shuddered at the apparition passed right through her. "It's definitely in here!"

"And we saw the DOTS while we were still awake, so it's not a Tantabus," Scootaloo said, pulling Sweetie's friendship journal over and crossing out that particular entry.

"Girls" Apple Bloom shouted excitedly from the other side of the door. "Ah got an EMF readin' over here!"

"This is humiliating..." Spike said in a flat voice, hanging limply in Apple Bloom's outstretched forelegs. Three of the green spikes on his head were glowing brightly as his head was shoved roughly against the door.

Apple Bloom gave the dragon a little shake. "Quiet. Ghost huntin' equipment doesn't talk."

"That's it, I'm out of here!" Spike said, squirming his way out of her grip and making a break for the stairs.

"Wait!" Apple Bloom called after him. "Ah thought ah saw a level five!"

"I don't even have five spikes!" Spike called back, before a distant slam of the front door marked his departure.

Scootaloo poked her head out of the washroom and looked around wildly. "Was that the front door?! Are we being hunted?!"

Apple Bloom shook her head. "The thing's right by us. We'd know if it were bein' hunted. Have you taken a picture of the DOTS yet?"

"Good idea!" Scootaloo said, pulling out a large photo camera. She turned back to find the ghost, which was striding through the lasers again, had thrown a washcloth into Sweetie Belle's face.

"What's a good idea?" the unicorn asked, pulling off the towel just in time to look directly in the camera's flashbulb. "AHHHH! MY EYES!!!!"

"Hand me the camera. Ah want to get a picture of the doll," Apple Bloom said, holding out her hoof.

Scootaloo nodded and passed over the equipment. "Smart. We'll say here and... I guess, look for ghost orbs? Sweetie Belle, you see any floating spots anywhere?"

"All I can see are floating spots!" Sweetie Belle whined, rubbing her eyes in agony.

"HUUUAHHHH!!!" the ghost breathed again, right in Sweetie's Belle's ear.

"GAH! Stop that!"

"You know, the more it does that heavy breathing thing, the less I believe this to be another Pony of Shadows," Scootaloo said thoughtfully, flipping idly through the friendship journal. "Might be a Siren? Or a Parasprite?"

"Could be a Storm King. We should check for fingerprints," Apple Bloom said, returning with the camera. "Did you happen to bring the spirit box with you? My hooves were full with that candle, apples, and book."

"No, but I can get more stuff!" the pegasus said energetically, sprinting for downstairs.

Soon as she was gone, Apple Bloom walked into the washroom and pawed through Sweetie's stuff until she found a glow stick. Cracking the stick shed bright purple light all over the washroom, mixing in an almost cheery fashion with the green laser dots. The farm girl brought the glow stick up to the door and scanned it thoroughly.

"Drat, nothin'," she said, frowning.

Sweetie Belle flinched as the spectral form in the dots walked through her again. "Can I come out of the washroom now?" she asked plaintively.

Apple Bloom shook her head firmly. "Sorry, but we need to know if it changes rooms on us."

"HUUUAHHHH!!!" the spirit went again, causing Sweetie Belle to leap nearly a foot into the air.

"I just don't think I'm doing too hot!" she said in a squeaky voice as the ghost threw a bar of soap over her head.

"Here, have an apple," Apple Bloom said, passing one over.

Sweetie Belle took a bite out of habit, but then frowned as she chewed away. "Do apples actually have any affect on our sanity?" she asked.

"Well, Applejack said 'There's no way you girls are old enough to be takin' psycho-whatchamacallit drugs. An apple's all you need to cure what ails ya!' So... these are all we got."

"Ah," Sweetie said, taking another bite. The sink spontaneously turned on and started spewing filthy brown water that immediately clogged the drain. Apple Bloom calmly snapped a picture of it as the sink filled to overflowing.

"I'm back!" Scootaloo shouted, sliding into the door hard enough to send it rebounding against the wall. She dumped an armful of equipment onto the bath rug and rapidly looked about. "I also took a photo of that music box along the way. Did I miss anything?"

A lacy hoof cloth flew off of the sink and smacked Apple Bloom in the face. "Just more of that," Sweetie Belle said, munching on her apple.

"Whatever it is, it loves throwin' stuff," Apple Bloom muttered, whipping the cloth off her head and rummaging around in the pile of equipment. She withdrew a radio from the pile and clicked it on. "Hello? Where are you? Can you hear me?"

"...slaves..." the box croaked around a sudden storm of static.

"YES!" Apple Bloom shouted excitedly, waving the spirit box around in triumph. "DOTS and box; what does that leave us with?"

Scootaloo stared intently at the few names left uncrossed in the friendship journal. "A Storm King, A Sombra, or an Ursa Minor."

"Can't be a Storm King," Sweetie Belle said, shaking her head. "We haven't seen any fingerprints and a Storm King would be touching everything."

"So a Sombra, then?" Scootaloo asked.

"...crystals..." the spirit box added helpfully.

"My money's on a Sombra," Scootaloo deadpanned.

"A Sombra would be DOTS, spirit box, and... EMF five!" Apple Bloom shouted. "Ah knew ah saw a level five for a second! Let's see... A Sombra is a ancient, angry spirit. While generally slow to act, a Sombra can bend the minds of ponies to its will and will become more active the more victims in the area."

"Hold up!" Sweetie Belle interrupted, "It still could be a Chrysalis pretending to be a Sombra! We should dump some sugar on the ground to be sure."

"On it!" Scootaloo said, digging around the equipment until she unearthed a cylinder of baking sugar. She upended the whole thing into three piles on the decorative and no doubt expensive rug. The three of them spent the next full minute staring at the sugar, waiting.

"...So, how long do we sit here?" Scootaloo asked.

"Until it steps in the sugar." Sweetie Belle said. "A Chrysalis would definitely go for the sugar."

"If it's still in here," Apple Bloom put in.

Sweetie Belle nodded. "True, true."

Another two minutes passes in complete silence. No items were thrown. No doors were creaked. No sugar was stepped in.

"Say, Apple Bloom" Sweetie Belle said thoughtfully, "What does the rest of that entry say?"

Apple Bloom picked up the friendship journal and peered close at it in the dim candlelight. "Weakness: A Sombra has no legs, so it won't step in sugar. Strength: Listening to a Sombra whisper does extra damage to your sanity."

The trio took a slow moment to process this news.

"HUUUAHHHH!!!" the ghost breathed as it blew out the candle right in the middle of the room.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" the Crusaders screamed, launching themselves from the washroom at top speed.

They crashed down the staircase and pelted headlong for the front door. The flashlight Sweetie Belle still somehow gripped started stuttering and they saw that the front door was closing before their eyes. They put on a last ditch burst of speed and a horrible groaning rose in volume from upstairs. With a scream of terror, knowing what was likely nipping at their very tails, the three fillies leapt and cleared the door a split second before it slammed shut. Startled they had actually made it out in time, they lay panting on the cobblestones and tried to still their racing hearts.

"So, did you figure out what it is?"

The Crusaders looked up to see Princess Twilight Sparkle looking down at them expectantly, her friends arranged in a half-circle behind her. Behind them, Big Mac caught their eye and shrugged apologetically.

Sweetie Belle rose to her hooves and fumbled out the friendship journal. "Right... we, uh... according to the evidence we've collected, we think it's a Sombra."

Twilight nodded solemnly and turned to the others. "Good work. Now it's our turn, girls! Let's go!"

Applejack kicked the door to the boutique open and most of the group charged in, ready for battle. Rarity hung back and waited while they finished composing themselves, then pulled out her coin purse with her magic.

"Well done, girls! So, how much do I owe you for your efforts?"

"Here," Big Mac said, slipping an itemized receipt into her hoof as he walked past. The farmer started collecting the few pieces of equipment the Crusaders had brought out with them.

Rarity peered close at the paper and realized it was more of a checklist than a detailed report. "I see... You get ten bits for identification and... ten more bits because it blew out a candle?"

Scootaloo nodded eagerly. "Got that one right at the end!" she said proudly.

"I see..." Rarity muttered as above them a flash of light at the boutique's windows and the sound of smashing declared the start of battle. "I see you didn't get a picture of the ghost or use a motion sensor, whatever that is... and what's this blank space labeled photos?"

"Right! Here you go, that's five bits each!" Apple Bloom said, passing over the quartet of pictures they'd taken. "You're supposed to evaluate them yourself."

Rarity quickly shuffled through them and froze aghast. "WHAT HORROR!!!!" she exclaimed.

"Did we manage to get a picture of the Sombra after all?!" Scootaloo shouted, trying to look over her shoulder at the photo still shaking in Rarity's magic.

"WHAT IS THAT FILTH IN MY SINK?!?!" Rarity shrieked, nearly crumpling the photo in her righteous disgust. She composed herself and turned back to the girls. "I need to deal with that immediately, so let's finish up. The total is... wait, what is this fifty bit bonus tacked on at the bottom here?!"

"It's the first time we've correctly identified the ghost tonight!" Sweetie Belle said proudly. "Oh, and it's fifteen bits for the dirty sink, not five."

Rarity bit her lip, but started levitating coins from her purse. "I see... well, you did do such fine work, I suppose your efforts must be richly rewa-"

A crash from above interrupted them and Rainbow Dash came hurtling through the second story window and slid to a stop next to them on her back. She looked around with crazed eyes. "We were wrong! It was a Chrysalis! We're losing badly!"

Rarity sniffed as Rainbow Dash leapt up and soared back into the boutique. She turned back to the Crusaders, who had identical slack-jawed expressions on their faces. "Well! I shan't be paying full price for shoddy work! I think half off is reasonable, and of course the bonus is right out."

She levitated a much smaller pile of coins into Sweetie Belle's hoof and charged into her home. The girls stared at the bits, barely enough to get them a decent snack at Sugarcube Corner, as the sounds of battle raged in the house above them.

Apple Bloom was the first to speak. "We need to find better payin' jobs."