Erasure

by 6-D Pegasus

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Sad, Starlight Glimmer, Spike, Slice of Life
Length: 7371

Spike notices Starlight hanging around him an awful lot just days after her reformation, and is determined to find out why.

In the days following Starlight Glimmer's recent reformation to the ways of friendship, Spike figured he'd see her around more often. However, he didn't expect her to start going out of her way to spend as much time with him as possible.

Determined to get to the bottom of it, Spike decides to figure out what might be going on in Starlight's head.

Cover art is a screen grab from Season 6, Episode 1.

Featured on March 2!

Published 2023-03-02 20:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2023-03-02 20:40:01 UTC

The Only Chapter

"Hey, Twilight?"

"Hmm? Yes, Starlight?"

"If it's alright to ask... what... what's Spike to you again?"

Spike walked along through the long, empty hallways of Twilight's castle, his tiny footsteps echoing off the blue and purple crystalline walls as a relaxed smile plastered across his face. He held a small red gemstone in his left claw, from which he took the occasional bite. In his right claw was a piece of parchment containing a list of his chores for the day, over which his eyes scanned repeatedly as he formulated the most efficient order to complete them. His order for the latest issue of Power Ponies had finally come in that morning, and he was determined to spend as much of his day lazily plopped on his bed, carelessly immersing himself in the latest adventure. He narrowed his eyes and brought the paper closer to his face so that it took up most of his vision.

Alright, let's see here... We've got 'Reorganize the newest shipment of books into the west wing library', 'Clean the fake windows above the map room', geez thanks Tree of Harmony, for adding a bunch of useless windows... 'Wash the dishes from lunch', annnnnd 'Watch over Owlowiscious as he flies outside the castle until Fluttershy can come pick him up'!

He put a claw to his chin in thought, still staring at the parchment. Well, since the library is right next to the map room, I can do those two tasks one after the other. He spared a quick glance around him to confirm which hallway he was walking through before turning back to the list, shoving the last of his gemstone into his mouth. The kitchen should be the first door on the left when I reach the next T intersection... or was it the right? Either way, it's along the way to the map room, so that'll go first! Fluttershy usually doesn't come by until later afternoon, so Owlowicious can go last! Perfect! Power Ponies comic, here I- "Oof!"

Spike's train of thought was entirely derailed as something smacked into him from ahead, sending his scroll flying through the air and him tumbling to the ground. He reached up to rub the back of his head where he had impacted the ground, letting out a quiet groan.

"Oh my gosh, Spike, I'm so so so sorry! I was completely spaced out and didn't see you at all!"

A telekinetic field of light teal magic wrapped around his body and lifted him to his feet. He chuckled as he kept his eyes trained on the ground, searching for his dropped list. "Don't worry about it, it's fine. I wasn't paying attention either." His eyes locked onto the parchment lying behind him, and he bent down to pick it up. "Honestly, I think some of Twilight's reading habits have really rubbed off on me over the years." Giving the list a brief brush-off with his claw, he turned around to face his new company.

A familiar, lilac-coated unicorn with a purple and teal mane stood before him, with an equally familiar cutie mark of two aqua waves rising from a purple and white star adorning her flank. Her light lavender eyes looked him over in concern as she stepped a little closer. "Are you sure? That was a pretty hard fall there."

Spike brushed himself off and laughed, waving her off. "Oh, that was nothing. You should see how much Twilight has accidentally thrown me around over the years." He puffed up his chest and tried his best to stand proud. "Lucky for me, I've got tough scales!"

Starlight didn't seem all too convinced as she continued to look him over. With the newly-reformed unicorn standing much closer to him now, Spike was able to take in a lot more of her details. Most notably, the lack of her signature bangs in her mane. "Hey, did you do something different with your mane?"

"Oh!" Starlight stepped back a bit to look him in the eyes. "Yeah, you like it? I... I really want to distance myself from the pony I used to be, so I figured if I'm going for a new me, I might as well go for a new mane too!" She looked away briefly. "At least, not one associated with an evil, village-enslaving, time-traveling dictator. I don't know how to style a mane to save my life though, so I went to Rarity for some help. She offered to design it after my cutie mark and, well..." She trailed a hoof along the curve of her mane and smiled faintly. "I... actually really like it now."

Spike discretely tilted his head to catch a glimpse of her cutie mark. Just as she said, the pattern of her mane as it flowed down from atop and behind her head closely resembled the swirls on her cutie mark. "Yeah, I think it looks great on you! Rarity's always had a knack for finding inspiration for her designs from just about anything." He chuckled to himself and turned to face Starlight once more, only to find her staring blankly at him as if lost in thought. He wasn't sure if it was a trick of the light, but he could've sworn there was a hint of... sadness in her eyes? "Uh... hello? Spike to Starlight?" He snapped his claws in front of her, and she blinked in surprise.

"Wha-? Oh, sorry about that, I've just been... thinking about things." She rubbed the back of her neck, a sheepish grin plastered across her muzzle. She opened her mouth to say something else, but she hesitated and froze. Her eyes darted everywhere to focus on the floor, walls, ceiling, her hooves, anything but Spike himself.

Huh, what's up with her? Starlight continued to stand there like that for a good ten seconds, awkwardly shifting around on her hooves, until the silence finally got to Spike. "Well, it was nice running into you Starlight! Literally, hehe. I'll, um, see you around?"

Starlight snapped out of her trance and quickly nodded her head with a smile. Spike returned the smile and, after fully opening his list, turned his attention back to his chores and resumed his walk to his destination, listening to his footsteps echo around him. Okay, so it's decided! First, the dishes, followed by the library, then the map, and lastly Owlowicious! Or wait, should the map room go before the library? Or after? Maybe-

Spike's thoughts ground to a halt as he listened attentively around him. The faint sound of his own single set of tiny footsteps easily reached his ears. He didn't hear any accompanying hoof steps.

He turned around and saw Starlight still standing where he had left her, having turned around to silently watch him scamper off. After a brief moment, she realized she had the dragon's complete attention, and her eyes widened. "Oh! Sorry, I um... uh..." She began fidgeting on her hooves once more, throwing her gaze onto anything but the only other living creature in the hallway.

Spike rolled his eyes and walked back over to her. "Starlight, is something wrong?"

Starlight stammered profusely. "N- no! I- I'm completely fine! Wh- why would you say something like that!?"

Spike raised an eyebrow at her nearly trembling form.

"I- I- ughhh!" Starlight bowed her head down in defeat, then raised it to look into his eyes, and Spike had to fight the urge to recoil. For a moment, Starlight's eyes held a very... vulnerable and almost frightened gaze, one he hadn't seen since the time Twilight took her into that last alternate timeline where the world had been reduced to an eerie land of dust, wind, and darkness.

However, like a leaf in the wind, the moment passed and Starlight's expression returned to one of nervousness. "I- I was wondering if you wanted to, uhm... do something together?"

Spike blinked. Of all the things he imagined were plaguing her mind, this was practically at the bottom of the list. "Oh, uh, why me? What about Twilight and the girls?"

Starlight looked down at her hooves. "Twilight's been busy this morning trying to figure out my first friendship lesson. And the girls are nice, I've been hanging out with them all week. But I was... hoping I could... do something with you too?"

This isn't like her... Why is she so nervous about asking for something like this? Spike shuffled around awkwardly and rubbed his arm with a claw. "Like, right now? I don't know, I have some things to do and-"

Starlight raised a hoof to cut him off. A dejected look fell upon her face and her ears flopped to the sides of her head. "Oh no, that's fine, it was a dumb idea anyways." She began to turn and walk away, her head hung low. "Don't worry about it, I don't deser-"

"Hey! You didn't let me finish!" Spike ran to catch up to her. "I was just saying I had a few chores to do before I can do anything else. We can totally do something together after if you want!"

Starlight's ears perked up at that and she turned towards Spike, her crestfallen expression having been replaced with a much more enthusiastic one. "Oh, I can help with those!"

Spike paused. "You want to help with my chores? I mean, if you-"

Before he could finish, he felt the paper slip from his grasp as a teal aura snatched it from his claw and brought it in front of the lilac unicorn.

"Let's see here, 'Wash the dishes from lunch'? That's perfect, I was just coming from the kitchen! We can go do that first!" Starlight began trotting back the way she came from, Spike's list of chores floating alongside her.

Spike stood still, blinking a bit as he tried to process what had just happened. What's up with her? Did something happen between her and Twilight or what? He shook his head and looked around in time to see Starlight disappear around the corner of the T intersection up ahead.

"H- hey, wait up!" Spike shouted as he ran on his little legs in a desperate attempt to catch up.

Slowly and sleepily, Spike opened his eyes from where he lay curled up in his bed. The light of Celestia's morning sun flowed through an open window and landed upon the crystalline floor of his room, diffusing its rays and basking the room in a warm glow. A few bits of color danced about the walls as the refractive nature of the castle floors split the light into its infinitely many hues. It was truly a beautiful sight.

Unfortunately, Spike didn't feel the same way when said sunlight reflected straight into his eyes.

"Oh, for Celestia's sake." He scrambled to his feet and threw the white, light-filtering curtains across his window. It let enough light through to gently illuminate his room while preventing any direct beams of sunlight from bouncing around and blinding him.

Satisfied, he turned around and chuckled at the sight of his newest issue of Power Ponies resting atop his bed. Huh, guess I fell asleep while reading. Again.

Thanks to Starlight's help, he was able to finish up yesterday's chores far quicker than normal. After Fluttershy had left with Owlowicious, Spike and Starlight traveled back to the west wing library, where Starlight showed him an old spell she learned that could create bubbles of magic. After some experimenting between them, they quickly found a way to trap some of Spike's dragon fire in a warm, glowing bubble that could be safely held.

For nearly an hour straight, the pair messed around with this newfound discovery. At first, it was purely educational as they tried to figure out just how much dragon fire the magic bubbles could hold. Eventually, inevitably, it had devolved into the two of them giggling like fillies as they began to bounce the fiery bubbles on the walls. They were just starting to play catch with them until Twilight walked in and nearly got hit with it.

After a long lecture to them both about playing with fire so close to her precious books, they eventually went their separate ways for the day. Following the usual dinner with Twilight and a nice long shower, Spike was finally able to wrap up the night reading his new, beloved comic.

Spike sighed contently as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. It had been a nice, relaxing day with a few surprises, albeit pleasant. As much as the chaotic nature of Ponyville had grown on him, calm, uneventful days like yesterday were always much appreciated and cherished, rare as they were. At least, uneventful as it pertains to disasters. Spike let out a long yawn and stretched his arms upwards, shuddering at the end as he felt it borrow his soul for a moment.

Ahhh, hopefully today goes well too... Spike walked over to his bedroom door and closed his eyes. He yanked it open and inhaled deeply, taking in the castle's morning breeze. He held it in for a few seconds before releasing it gently. Here's to a new day, hopefully with no surprises whatsoever! He opened his eyes.

A pair of light purple eyes stared back at him, inches from his face.

"Gaah!!" Spike jumped in shock, barely steadying himself in time to spare his head a second daily smack on the floor. After regaining his balance, he turned his attention back to his doorway, behind which Starlight sat on her haunches out in the hallway, leveling the same blank expression from yesterday's encounter back at him. Unlike yesterday, however, her mane appeared completely disheveled, and dark bags were barely visible underneath her eyes. It seemed Starlight was by no means a morning pony. "Yeeesh, Starlight. You know you can knock, right?"

Starlight blushed and looked away. "Oh, right. Sorry, hehe."

Spike leaned a little past Starlight and surveyed the otherwise completely empty hallway outside his room. "Have you just been... waiting outside my door for me to wake up or something?"

Her eyes widened and she backpedaled slightly, putting her hooves up defensively as she laughed sheepishly. "Whaaat?! Psshhh nahhhh. Don't be silly! I've only been here for the last... ten minutes?"

Spike's jaw dropped. "Wha- ten minutes?! Starlight, I don't mind being woken up a little earlier than usual if it's something important!"

Starlight began pawing at the floor with a hoof, keeping her gaze low. "I- I know, it's not that important, and I didn't want to wake you..."

Spike tilted his head in confusion. What is going on with her? Has she been spending too much time around Fluttershy? She's like a completely different pony now! She wasn't anything like this just a couple of days ago when she was hanging out with the girls. "Well, what is it that's apparently not very important, and yet important enough that you'd sit out here waiting for me to wake up for it?"

Starlight turned her gaze back to Spike and, like yesterday, he spotted a flicker of what looked like deep shame and regret flash across her eyes before she coughed and looked away, slightly embarrassed. "I, um, was actually hoping you'd want to hang out again today."

Spike blinked. "Again already?" He noticed her expression fall ever so slightly and waved his arms around quickly. "Not that I'm against that or anything! It's just, well, so early in the morning and I haven't even had breakfast yet."

Starlight perked back up. "Oh I know! If you want, we can go grab breakfast together at Sugarcube Corner! I'm pretty starved myself." She leaned in close to Spike and lowered her voice to a whisper. "Between you and me, we'll have to be real stealthy. I nearly destroyed the kitchen there last time I hung out with Pinkie when she scared me from behind, and I really don't want to face the Cakes just yet. Don't worry, I've already memorized their schedule and I know exactly which times to go in when Pinkie's the only one managing things."

Spike leaned back a little. "Riiiiiiiight. Well, that sounds perfectly fine with me! Let me just make something for Twilight and-"

"Oh, no need for that." Starlight cut him off. "I already prepared a daffodil breakfast sandwich for her along with a note of when we'll be back!"

She... prepared all that without knowing if I'd say yes? Something's not right here. "You feeling alright, Starlight?" Spike reached his claw up to feel her forehead, which she gently swatted away with a hoof.

"Yes Spike, I'm fine! Now let's go already before our window closes! If I remember right, the Cakes should be out getting groceries, so that leaves us about thirty minutes!" With that, Starlight gestured with her head for Spike to follow along. Once he was caught up, they both began navigating the twists and turns of the castle towards the entrance.

Spike kept his gaze forward the whole time, yet he couldn't help but notice the sad glances Starlight occasionally stole in his direction the entire way out.

"Hey Spike!"

"Wha- gaah!!" Spike careened around atop the tall ladder, the sudden address having broken his concentration, and with it his balance. In his claws were several books that he had been in the process of reshelving at the castle's east wing library.

"No no no no no noooo!" Spike's foot caught on the edge of the ladder top, annihilating what little balance he had left and sending him spiraling towards the floor. He brought the book up to his face defensively and squeezed his eyes shut, anticipating the impact, when moments before disaster a light teal aura wrapped around him and suspended him in the air.

"Oh whoops! So sorry about that, Spike, hehe..." Starlight gently lowered the dazed dragon to the ground, where she trotted over and started checking him for any visible injuries.

"Uhuh, yeah, let's not make this a routine, alright?" Spike brushed himself off and glanced up at Starlight, who was still worryingly searching for any sign of injury. "Hey, I'm fine Starlight, stop worrying. Now then, is there something you need?"

Starlight hesitated before pulling back. She rubbed one of her forelegs with a hoof. "Yeaaah, are you, um, free right now?"

Spike blanched. "Again? Starlight, we literally just ate together like barely two hours ago!"

Starlight fidgeted. "I know, but I want to show you something else now."

Spike crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow.

"I mean it!"

He let out a sigh of exasperation and began walking back to the pile of books sitting at the base of the ladder, all waiting to be reshelved. "Look, Starlight, I know you want to hang out, but right now I have a ton of books... to..."

His words died in his throat as every book in the massive pile slowly floated in the air, wrapped in a soft, teal aura. They hovered for a moment before rapidly shooting towards their respective spots on their respective bookshelves. Within ten seconds, the display was over; the pile of books that would've taken Spike roughly an hour to sort and reshelve was no more.

Spike turned around to face Starlight, who just stared back at him expectantly. After an intense staring contest that lasted all of three seconds, Spike finally gave in with a chuckle. "Alright, you win Starlight. I guess you can show me what you want to show me now. Thanks for helping out again with my chores."

Starlight beamed cheerily. "It was nothing Spike! Now come on, let's go! There's this really neat mini fireworks spell I've known since I was a filly and I know a particular purple dragon whose fire can make it even better!" She clapped her hooves together with an uncharacteristically high giggle and galloped out of the library, leaving behind a very confused Spike.

He shook his head and followed suit. Whatever was going on with Starlight, it was leading to a lot less chore time and much more fun for the day. A second bout of fun in one day never hurts, right?

"Spike! I just found the spell for cloud walking! Want to see if we can bring a cloud down and mess with it?"

"Oh? Sure, that sounds pretty cool actually! Lemme finish my lunch real quick and we can check that out!"

"Hey Spike! You want to see a new kite I added to my collection?"

"Wha- oh, hey Starlight. Uh, sure we can do that I guess."

"Pssssssssst. Spike? You in here? I want to show you this really interesting way to hide a-"

"Starlight! For Celestia's sake, I'm trying to take a nap right now!"

"Oh, my bad."

"There you are, Spike! Want to check out my newest kite?"

"What the- Starlight, didn't we do that like just four hours ago?"

"Re- really? Oh, yeah you're right..."

"..."

"... want to check out the kite I made before that one?"

"For the love of-"

Spike tossed and turned in his bed, his mind unable to settle for the night as the day's events replayed in his head over and over. I don't understand this at all! What in the wide world of Equestria happened yesterday to make Starlight want to spend THIS much time with me?! I know I'm a cool dragon to hang out with and all, but this is getting ridiculous! She must have spent more time with me today than she has with the rest of the girls combined! And Twilight never asked her to connect with me the day she was reformed. Not that I don't appreciate Starlight doing it on her own, but why all this out of nowhere?!

With a tired groan, he sat up on his bed and gazed around his room. The gentle, cool light of Luna's rising moon poured through a sliver of space in his blackout curtains, casting a bright, glowing silver line on his floor that seemed to point towards the door.

If I don't do anything, who knows how long Starlight might keep this up? Whatever is on her mind, she certainly doesn't want to tell Twilight about it, otherwise she would have handled this long ago by now. Maybe... maybe I should tell her then. Like one of those 'friendship interventions' Twilight told me about when she had warned Rainbow Dash about Scootaloo getting overly risky with her scooter tricks near cliff sides. Spike threw off his covers and scampered to his door, pulling it open. He slowly peaked outside and made sure nopony was wandering the hallways. It was highly unlikely; the castle had only three main inhabitants anyways, and none of them sleepwalked. Supposedly.

Once he confirmed the coast was clear, he turned right and began to creep his way towards Twilight's room when a thought crossed his mind and he froze. Maybe... maybe she's hanging around me a lot because whatever is bugging her only involves me. But what could that be? I wasn't even there when she stole their cutie marks, or trapped them in a house with constant brainwashing nonsense. I mean, sure, she nearly made me fall to my doom that one time, but that's nothing compared to what Twilight and the rest of the girls had gone through in all those timelines. She even apologized for that too... so what else?

He spared a glance behind him. The moonlight from his room had reflected into the hallway. By pure chance, the angle of the beam and shape of the hallway's crystalline walls resulted in the moonlight bouncing away from him and towards the general direction of Starlight's room. it was almost like it was illuminating a path for him. Spike hesitated, torn between his thoughts, until he made up his mind and turned around to follow the light. I... I've spent so much of my life with Twilight. If she was able to help Starlight, then I can too!

After a minute of navigating the castle's labyrinth of hallways, he finally arrived in front of Starlight's room. He raised a fist and held it in front of the door, pausing briefly. It's now or never, Spike. He took a deep breath and softly rapped his fist against the door, lowering his voice.

"Hey, Starlight? It's me, Spike, you still awake?" He leaned close to the door, pressing his ear frills against it to try and discern any response.

"...nnnnnnnnngh..."

He thought he heard a quiet groan, but he couldn't be sure. "Starlight? You alright in there?" He held his breath and listened harder.

"N-no, I didn't mean to, please..."

Spike's eyes widened. He'd never heard Starlight speak with such... fear before.

"P- please Twilight, I didn't know... Spike..."

Spike paused upon hearing his name. What the hay is she- He put two and two together. She's having a nightmare!

Not wanting to waste any more time, Spike threw the door open and stumbled inside. The blackout curtains around the windows had been completely pulled across, and the room would have been entirely draped in darkness if it weren't the glowing, teal crystal sitting on a small, circular platform on a writing table near the door, as well as a bit of reflected moonlight making its way in through the now open door.

"N-no... no, nononono... please..."

Spike turned in the direction of the voice and spotted Starlight lying on her bed, her body faintly illuminated by the crystal's light. His eyes widened as he noticed the state she was in. Her entire body trembled as her hooves tightly gripped the covers. Small beads of sweat glistened on her forehead while a few tears trickled from her shut eyes, causing her head to almost twinkle in the light. She shook her head furiously back and forth, her breath coming in heavy pants. He could make out a few words here and there in between her frequent whimpers.

"Please come back... come back... I didn't mean to..."

"Starlight! Wake up!" Spike ran over to Starlight's bed and tried to shake her awake, but she quickly rolled over out of his reach. He jumped up to grasp the edge of the mattress and, after a few seconds of struggling, managed to climb up on the bed. He carefully crawled over to the other side so he could see her face. It looked like she had been crying for nearly an hour. She curled tighter into a fetal position and continued to mutter through what little breath she could hold.

"No... I'm sorry... nonono... "

Spike had known the mare for barely a week, but he couldn't stand the sight of her suffering like this. He doubted he could stand seeing anypony at all suffering this way.

"Starlight come on, wake up!" Spike grabbed her free shoulder and shook her back and forth in an attempt to wake her, but to no avail. She just continued to clutch her blankets tighter to her body as she trembled. Oh what do I do, what do I do?? Unsure of what to do, Spike sat there with his claws on his head and eyes darting around the darkened room for anything that might help him, all the while Starlight's whimpers grew louder and louder.

Suddenly, a thought occurred to him, and he removed his short, stubby claws from his head to look at them. His gaze flickered to Starlight's head, then back to his claws. His mind replayed the many times in his life during which he had to snap Twilight out of a panic attack. He knew what he had to do.

Guess old habits die hard, huh? Cautiously, Spike positioned himself a little closer to Starlight's head and raised a single claw up, his eyes laser-focused on her soft, exposed, tear-stricken cheek. He winced in anticipation. I'm so sorry about this, Starlight.

SLAP!

"Huh wha-?!" Starlight's eyes shot open, disoriented and scared, and she immediately sat up. Her reddened, tear-glistening eyes flickered about her room for the source of her awakening. Her eyes widened as they finally found Spike's, and she froze. The two of them stared at each other in utter silence for what seemed like an eternity, neither of them daring to move a muscle, until Spike began to awkwardly rub his arm.

"Uh, hey Starlight, I just wanted to- " The words died in his throat as his body was suddenly wrapped in a bright, teal aura and yanked violently towards Starlight, who half scrambled, half launched herself onto him. She wrapped her forelimbs around him and squeezed him tightly against her as she began sobbing furiously into his shoulder, muttering incoherently. "-Starlight?!"

"...I'm so sorry Spike I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry..."

What do I do what do I do what do I do?? Spike stiffened at the unexpected and emotional violation of his personal space. He tried to scoot a little backwards, but Starlight only gripped him tighter, practically curling around him like he was some makeshift pillow. He could feel her heart beating hard and fast against her chest as sobs continued to wrack her body. Realizing he wasn't getting away any time soon, he once again called upon his many years of experience placating another particular panicking purple unicorn. As slowly as he could, he pried his right claw free of the distraught unicorn's grip and reached up as much as he could to gently massage the back of her neck.

"Shhhhh Starlight... shhhhh, it's okay... you're alright... everything's gonna be okay, just breathe with me..."

Though Starlight continued to cry against him, Spike could feel her trembling subside. Her grip on him remained quite possessive, but the force behind it was beginning to wane. Tears dripped upon his back and slid down his smooth scales, but he paid them no attention.

"Shhhh... you're fine, Starlight... it's all over now..."

After several minutes of soothing and whispering, Starlight finally quieted down to the occasional sniffle and shudder. She still kept her hooves locked around him, but her hold on him had relaxed to more of a gentle hug than a death grip, allowing him to pull his other claw to gently stroke her foreleg. They stayed that way for a long while, until Spike could no longer feel the tears streaming down his back. It seemed that her breathing and heart rate had calmed down to reasonable levels. The warmth and softness of Starlight's embrace around him was beginning to lull him to sleep, and he could tell Starlight was starting to drift off again too. As much as I'd love to just fall asleep here, this might get real awkward tomorrow morning. He removed his claw from the back of her neck and began gently poking her cheek.

"Psssssst... Starlight? You feeling better?"

Starlight let out a quiet gasp and pulled back from Spike enough to sit on her haunches, her widened eyes flicking back and forth between his own. "Sp- Spike?! Wh- what are- ... wait, this isn't a dream? You're... real?" She extracted her hooves from around the dragon and raised one to poke at his head, causing him to wobble a bit.

"Uh... yes?" Spike offered a sheepish grin, which Starlight responded to with a look of dawning realization and horror.

"Ohhh Celestia, oh no no no no no..." Starlight began to hyperventilate, her gaze sweeping her room as if to confirm that she was indeed awake. "No no no no you weren't supposed to find out about this..."

Spike raised a claw to steady her before she could topple over. "Starlight, you're fine and- wait, what didn't you want me finding out?"

Starlight's eyes widened further. "Nothing! Nothing at all!" The most forced grin in existence made its way on Starlight's face, to which Spike cringed internally.

Yeeesh, that bad huh? Spike raised an eyebrow. Well, guess it's now or never. "Starlight, does this have something to do with why you've been spending so much time with me lately?"

A single bead of sweat dripped down the side of Starlight's face. "Noooooooo?"

Wow, she's an even worse liar than Twilight during her freakouts. Spike reached out to place a claw on her back. "Come on, Starlight. Whatever it is, you can tell me. Believe me, I've put up with Twilight's shenanigans for nearly my whole life, I'm sure I might know something that can help."

Spike gave Starlight the warmest smile he could while maintaining eye contact. She stared back in silence for a few seconds, until the mask over her expression finally cracked as uncertainty flickered across her gaze. She rubbed one of her forelegs with a hoof and looked away. "A- are you sure? I- I don't want you to hate me or anything..."

Spike tilted his head. "Hate you? Starlight, is this still about, well, that? We've forgiven you for all of that and-"

"I know, Spike, and I've... mostly forgiven myself for that as well after a long talk with Twilight a couple nights ago. This is about... something else that sort of came up during that.

"Something else?" Spike scratched his forehead in confusion. "Did you do something else we didn't kno-"

"No!" Spike jumped from the sudden interruption, and Starlight's ears flopped to the sides of her head. "No, nothing like that... this is a bit more... personal..."

Spike blinked. "Personal like, for Twi-"

"To you..."

His eyes widened. "To... me?"

Starlight let out a long sigh and turned her gaze downwards, drawing imaginary circles in the bedsheets with her forehooves. "Not directly to you, but something that would've happened to you as a result of my actions..."

Spike scooted closer to Starlight to lay a claw on her leg. "Starlight, I was there too, remember? Without the rainboom, all of us were forced into some horrible alternate timeline where different villains won where we had normally beat them. Twilight tried explaining it to me after, but she went a bit overboard on her lecture so I didn't really catch it all."

Starlight moved her hoof away and began absentmindedly fiddling with the frills on his head, much to his confusion. "Twilight explained it to me too. As she said, the smallest of actions can ripple into drastically different outcomes, so all the different ways I stopped the Rainboom resulted in a different villain prevailing in the present. When my fight with Twilight distracted Rainbow from finishing the race, Nightmare Moon defeated Celestia upon her return and possibly personally handled any future villains. When I tricked Twilight into freezing Rainbow in crystal, somehow Celestia was able to reform Luna on her own with the elements, but the effort must have weakened their petrification spell on Discord, who easily overpowered both royal sisters. From there, no other villain would've been able to challenge him." She hung her head low. "And... when I used my magic to forcibly blast Rainbow Dash out of the race, it led to some unknown, unstoppable disaster that left Equestria a dead, desolate wasteland."

"B-but no matter what I did or what the outcome was... Twilight and her friends all got to live out some semblance of their lives. She told me that in every alternate timeline, whenever she saw one of her friends, she could see they had their cutie marks. Even without that Rainboom, Applejack would have eventually realized her home was in Ponyville, and Rarity would have discovered her talent for fashion and creativity. Each of them would have, one way or another, still found their individual talents since that's part of who they are, and my changing of the past wouldn't have taken that away."

Spike felt Starlight pull her hoof back as she gazed at him, tears beginning to coalesce in her eyes once more.

"But no matter what I did, no matter what future I created, something in particular was always being taken away... and that something was you, Spike."

Spike blinked. "Me? W- what do you mean?"

Starlight raised a hoof to wipe away her tears before continuing. "Your dragon egg, Spike. Twilight told me the day of her entrance exam also happened to be the last day your egg was to be used for the test, since it had been used for hundreds of exams before hers. In the most likely case that nothing happened to it, it probably would have been moved back into storage to collect dust for years to come."

Spike opened his mouth to interject, to mention that Twilight had already told him that story tons of times, but Starlight cut him off with a hoof to his mouth.

"Spike, when I stopped the Rainboom, I prevented Twilight from passing her entrance exam and getting her cutie mark at the same time as her friends. Even if she eventually earned it by some different means later on, she still failed her entrance exam!" Tears began to flow once more from Starlight's wide, pleading eyes. "She never hatched you, Spike! You never existed!"

"I... erased you from existence..."

Spike's eyes widened as the big picture came into focus within his mind. He had been so worried about how Starlight's actions were affecting all of Equestria, he never really thought about how they affected him specifically. He looked at the lavender unicorn in front of him, who curled tighter into a ball, and began to see her strange behavior from the last couple of days in a new light. All of that... was because of this?

Cautiously, he inched closer to Starlight and rested a claw against her foreleg. "Was... that what your nightmare was about? And why you've been so, mmmm, close to me lately?"

Starlight nodded and slowly lifted her head from her forelegs. "Twilight told me the reason she remained an alicorn after the first time I stopped the Rainboom was because Star Swirl's spell still existed. As long as there was still a way for her to stop me, the original timeline would remain entangled with each new alternate timeline by a single thread. I figured the same applied to why you remained with her..." She sniffled. "Last night, I dreamt that I accidentally fully ripped the spell in half as she was talking me down. I saw you... vanish into nothing as she cried and she mourned... and then... she looked at me, all confused, and asked me who she was just talking to... I- I woke up as her wings started to disappear and her hooves started sinking into the cloud..."

She's been feeling guilty about this specifically the whole time? Starlight began to sink back down into a ball, but Spike rushed forward and caught her in a tight embrace. He felt her body stiffen as she let out a gasp. "Sp- Spike?!"

Spike began stroking the back of her neck with both claws, trying his best to calm her back down. "Yes, Starlight?"

"How- how can you still be so nice to me?!" She stammered, weakly and unsuccessfully trying to push him away. "I- I stole your very existence from the world! The... the only thing worse than to take the life of somepony... is to also take away everypony's memories of them and whatever imprint they've had on the world! As if they were never there! And that's what I did to you!"

Spike remained silent for a few seconds, before softly chuckling.

"W-what?"

Spike pulled back a little, placing a claw under Starlight's chin to gently guide her to his gaze. "Starlight, you didn't do any of that."

"Wh- what do you mean?!" She began to sputter. "I just sai-"

"That stopping the Rainboom would have erased me from existence? Mhmm, but that's not what happened in the end, right?"

"Bu- but what if I-"

"Starlight! Look at me!" Spike stared deep into Starlight's lavender eyes, trying to pierce through the windows of his friend's soul. "You never erased me. You realized the error in your ways and reopened your heart to friendship. The scroll fixed itself, and time returned to normal. All those awful futures we saw never happened and not just because we stopped you, but because you stopped yourself. And after all that, you knew you messed up, and you're trying to do what you can to make up for it. All you have left to do now is forgive yourself."

Starlight's wide eyes flickered between Spike's own as he held her gaze with steely resolve for what seemed like a whole minute until, to his relief, she looked away with a soft smile. "Mmmm... you're awfully mature for your age, you know."

With the tension in the air relieved somewhat, Spike let out a snarky chuckle in return. "Hehe, well when you grow up with Twilight as much as I have, you-"

He was cut off as Starlight laced her forelegs around him and pulled him into a much gentler hug. He felt her let out a deep breath as she laid her head atop his, briefly nuzzling his spines.

"Thanks, Spike. It... means a lot knowing you and Twilight forgive me. Having the rest of the girls forgive me was one thing, but you and Twilight were the ones to actually see and experience all those other timelines, to know the full extent of what I had done. Twilight made it fully clear she forgave me during our last talk, but I guess... it didn't feel like I'd earned yours yet. And I didn't want to approach you with some existential guilt, so I-"

Spike shushed her with a claw to the mouth. "So you tried finding different ways to earn it. I really did enjoy and appreciate all that time you made for me, even if some of it was a little tooooo much. But now that I know why you did all that, it all means a lot to me too." Spike wrapped his arms around Starlight and leaned deeper into her hug. "And if you're still worried about my forgiveness, you've more than earned it now. Just promise me you'll work on your own forgiveness too."

"I'll try my-... I... I will, Spike."

Spike smiled as he felt what remained of Starlight's tension slide away as her whole body relaxed around him, and he let out a mental sigh of relief. Looks like she's finally let it all out. One final thought passed through his mind, however.

"Hey, Starlight?"

"Hmm?"

"If it's alright to ask... how... did this topic come up with Twilight?"

He felt her body vibrate as she let out a gentle giggle. "Well, I almost always see you two together, even when you followed me into the past or when I was doing my, um, surveillance on Twilight. She's a pony, and you're a dragon, so I didn't know if you were, like, her ward or something and my curiosity won over."

Gonna have to ask Twilight later what that means. Spike laughed. "How about this, tomorrow we can grab lunch at Sugarcube Corner and I'll tell you my wholeeeeeee story then."

He felt Starlight give him a gentle squeeze as she returned his laugh with her own.

"Alright, it's a deal."

With that, Spike let his body go slack against Starlight's as he closed his eyes and pressed into her, no longer worrying about any awkward feelings should they both fall asleep in that position. He felt her do the same and smiled sleepily to himself.

He knew, at that moment, that he had fully and truly gained a new close friend.

Author's Note

(this was not supposed to get this long whew)

Hope you enjoyed the read! This was one of two story ideas I had for Starlight handling her guilt. Might attempt the other at some later time, but I intend to finally finish that next chapter for my Behind the Shower Curtain story that I've been sitting on for a couple weeks now.

This was also my first time truly writing an emotional scene, so all feedback and criticism is welcome!