Today, my heart felt like it was ripped out and torn to shreds. Probably the worst experience to have in this life.

How could Cosmo go and do this to me? Why couldn't she come to me and just talk? We could've talked it over and worked things out. Like normal ponies in their relationship. Sure, I may have... overacted on my part and offed both of them. But what in Tartarus was Cosmo thinking of cheating on me? What was her issue?

Oh right. I wasn't paying attention to her for over two years now, -according to Little Miss Cosmo.

It angers me that she had the nerve to cheat on me. After all of the crap that I worked hard for us to get over the years. Stuff for us to live by on. The expensive house. The food. Some clothing accessories that I provide for her lazy flank. And she goes on to do this to me?! Who in their mind would think of doing such a thing?? Ugh. Goes to show her true colors. I didn't do anything wrong but not provide the attention to her. Keep in mind, I WORK MY ASS OFF. EVERYDAY. So that makes me tired half the time. You know, working on fashion orders for everypony to wear and show off. My exhaustion has been shown in my work and personal life. I hate working at the Boutique, but somepony's gotta pay the bills around here. Cosmo knew this too and still chose to cheat on me.

I KNOW I did the damned best I could for her. Pleasing her wasn't the easiest, ya know. Cosmo was never the 'gimmie' type or the asking for alot type. Neither did she give clues on what she liked either. So, I ended up blindly buying her tons and tons of garbage for her to wear and use. Which now, I don't think she really used anything I got her. My best guess is that she left all of it in a box or in her closet. Figures. But, since she's been gone now... I don't think any of my efforts or items matter anymore.

A long, but solemn sigh was let out.

She could've definitely had broken up with me if she felt different about our relationship. Tartarus, I would've accepted that instead. Sure, it'd hurt like a thousand stakes in the heart, but at least that's more honest.

I sat alone in my living room chair. Just thinking about so many things in my head.

One of my thoughts contained the thought of both Cosmo and her stupid little coltfriend. Trying to understand how they both met and where. Did I come into play with this? Was it my fault that the two met? Did they meet when I sent Cosmo out for groceries or other items? Did they meet at our house? Did Cosmo sneak out when I wasn't looking? So many questions. But wherever and when they met is beyond me. I'll never know the full truth from her and I don't think I'd want to know.

And here she really thought she'd get away with it too. How pathetic. Did Cosmo actually think she would get away? That I wouldn't find out? That I'm dumb for not seeing it? No, Cosmo's definitely wrong about that assumption. But I'm NOT dumb. I'm just naïve and oblivious, that's all. I really didn't know anything at all. And everypony knows that I was at work. She's the one who's dumb, not me.

A long, but exasperated sigh was let out from me.

Honestly, one thing that I wish I found out earlier is the affair. It's the one thing I regret not knowing. How could I have not known about this? Why didn't I just pick up on the signs like Cosmo hoped? Why couldn't I be much smarter than the average pony? Why?? I could've done so much differently from the irrational option chosen, -but only if I knew. You'd know what I'd do? I'd choose to leave in silence. Let them both be in peace while I go out and find myself again. Say 'buck it' and go. Then, I probably wouldn't have wasted my magic on both of the two (I'm telling you... wasting my magic on them took a huge toll on me).

But. I chose violence instead. That's what I did.

I'll admit... I was angrier than the average pony. But, wouldn't others do what I did if they found out their beloved was cheating on them? Maybe some would use violence, some wouldn't. Whatever the case was, I'd call it justice myself. However, you'd call it very anti-hero and selfish. Unfortunately, I do not care for the opinionated public. I still call it justice in the end.

I sighed before taking a framed picture off the desk. Just staring straight down at both Cosmo and I at the Winter Wrap Up two years ago. Warm tears hit the glass pane. I can't believe I almost wasted three years of my life with her. Three whole buckin' years. And here I sit thinking... Did she ever love me from the start? Did she?? No... I don't think she ever loved me. Not with her actions.

But I loved her though. So much...

However, I must've loved her a little too much. Probably another reason why she cheated on me. I probably smothered her too much with love and affection in the start.

Another sigh.

I wonder... Was it something I did that made her that way? Sure, the answer is lack of attention, but... was there a point in time where she just switched off from our relationship? Did I disgust her with some type of appearance or personality change? Something must've turned her off about me. It must've been that way for a long time before she threw in that 'lack of attention' detail. Maybe that little detail is a cover up for the big things at hand. Things that she never told me personally.

I thought about how I ended up gruesomely killing Cosmo and that colt in the end. How easy it was to vaporize the one called Duke Bristles and watch the horror play out on his candy-eyed face. Even watching my ex-lover react in terror made me ultimately satisfied. It was one of the things I've enjoyed seeing. It was one of those times where I felt extreme joy. Like a part of me wanted this to happen.

I swear, it wasn't supposed to go down like that. Really, it wasn't. It was supposed to be a day of spending time with one another. Snuggling, loving, affection in the airs. The mushy gushy stuff. I really hoped for us to rekindle our love since I've noticed how distant we've become with one another. I truly, truly did have that little hope left. But, fate also seems to have something different in store for all of us.

One thing I honestly didn't expect to make- was the choice of acting violent and gruesome towards my ex-lover. I didn't want to, but I chose to. And the damage has been done. I officially have blood on my own hooves. Something that I never wanted in the first place. But it's on my life record.

I was guilty of everything before me. And I knew it deep down.

Suddenly, I'd slam down the picture onto the floor. Completely splitting the entire wooden frame in two.

And I screamed.

I think one sign I can pick up in hindsight now, was the fact she'd come home sometimes so... stone-faced. Cold hearted. Often distant than not.

During those times, I'd figured she had something on mind that she didn't want to expose. I never really questioned it because I was afraid of interfering or having her snapping at me. So, I always brushed it off as a "Cosmo problem", trying to come up with an excuse. Like maybe her sleep schedules where changing/shifting at a rate I didn't understand. Or if she's being moody from her days being all screwy. I always seem to dismiss it as a phase or something else. Whatever it was, it was none of the things I thought before.

Now looking back on it, I should've questioned her. Yeah, I should've done that instead. But, she'd deny everything and tell me something that I would've wanted to hear. I would've either done two things: read her, play her little game before I completely catch her in her act and finally leave without warning. OR I would've fell for her antics completely like a foal. Either options would've played out.

But it doesn't matter now.

What matters is that I killed two ponies without any second thought or emotion. That I have actual blood on my own hooves. And I sit here, deeply thinking about this problem. Then I think about Cosmo and all of the great times I've had with her. All of the times she pulled me up from darker places. Oh Celestia and Luna... Why did I kill her so suddenly? Why couldn't I just calm down and talk to her?? Why couldn't I be the one to reveal the mystery from the both of them? Why can't I be normal on these things?!

I'll tell you. It's because my head doesn't think first before acting. I just do whatever my heart tells me. I can't help it really.

Soon I felt sharp pains in my chest forming. And I wondered here. Was this... guilt? Was this remorse or shame? Whatever it was... it was eating me alive. And I didn't want that on my mind all the time. And here, I thought killing my ex-lover and replacement would actually make me happier. But I guess it didn't. In fact, all of this made me even more depressed. Didn't bother to speak, so I lowered my head in shame again.

...
...

Finally, I grasped onto reality that I'd killed my only best friend, my lover, my soon to be wife. It was not easy to unfold, but the raw truth could not be hidden.

It wouldn't hurt to admit it once in a while. So, here I go.

...I killed Cosmo and Duke Bristles.

And I'm sorry.

I can't do this.

I really can't.

Knowing that I'll just alone for the rest of my life without her. If I lived on, nothing would be the same. So what's the use? I know I wouldn't be of use, despite my old ass. Wiping my tears, I trotted around the house to find some paper, a quill and an envelope.

Once I found some in my personal room, I came back out to the living room. Soon, I started to frantically scribble on the paper.

Dear Whoever Finds This Letter,

My name is Pearl Shimmers. And as you read this letter, I'm already dead by suicide. There is no need to panic nor the need to help me out. For I wanted this myself.

The reason why I killed myself is that I cannot go on without the one I love... Cosmo. She's one of the rare ponies who lifted me up when I was in a bad place. Showed me different things and places I never knew existed. She was like my own guardian angel.

Unfortunately in these times, I found that she's been cheating on me with a colt named Duke Bristles for over a whole year. A wealthy stallion known for his name in the town of Canterlot. I believed that he also sold fashion design or something more simplistic there. Whatever he did is out of the equation to me. But, whatever business Cosmo had... My guess was that she's been chasing him for his money and or business. Or maybe, she really did love him. Whatever it was, I don't care. All I know is that Cosmo is a buckin' cheater.

If you're curious and want to search for both of them... tough luck. I already took care of them myself.

Another reason why I took care of myself is because I couldn't live in this world alone, destined to be without a beloved. I know it sounds dramatic, but it's the truth. Plus, I don't want to be on the run forever. And I'm not living on with this aching feeling for the rest of my days. If I did, the guilt would eat me alive. Soon after, I'd die of a broken and guilty heart.

So I've killed myself here to end this façade. To end the pain.

I expect none of you mares or stallions to remember neither Cosmo or I. Both of us were terrible ponies. Trust me when I state this. We truly were. When growing up, I had met Cosmo in my early foalhood, became friends with her and joined forces to take down everypony we deemed ugly, unworthy or not on our type of level. We'd literally beat up other fillies and colts just because we wanted to. Mostly angry all of the time. Moving on, over the years- we began to fall for each other around the ages of seventeen and early eighteen, -stuck together for a long time until we were older (But in our adult years, we did not get together in a relationship until the age 20). During these times, we had calmed down over the years. Became adults and settled in.

After turning twenty years old, we begun to grow bored and very irritated with the pony population. I was sick of it. She was sick of it. And we both knew that. One of the reasons why we moved out and lived in the far outskirts of Ponyville away from everypony. So we'd have barely any contact with equines like us. And to 'never see any of their ugly faces' again. But unfortunately, living far away ...meant walking all the way over to Ponyville. Just to get a job and other necessities to obtain. But I didn't mind the work and shopping myself.

What I'm trying to say is, I'm not a good person just because I work at some second rate shop (or peacefully shop) in Ponyville.

Whatever changed us down the line (in our relationship), it made our 'love' shatter within seconds. It's unfortunate that it had to end this way. Three years of my life gone down the drain. I still cannot believe I've wasted those three years on somepony like Cosmo (Well, my entire life wasted). Meeting her was the worse mistake of my life.

I hope to Celestia and Luna that I be reincarnated into another body so I can live another life of peace.

In all honesty, nopony knew that these events would happen. Not even me. Foremost, I still blame myself for whatever things I did to Cosmo. Despite what I stated earlier. If I did something to her that made her change her mind or disgust her, well I'm very sorry about everything I did. I truly am. I'm sorry you felt like you needed to continue on with me in a relationship too. You didn't have to feel that. I also do apologize to Cosmo for never truly showing her attention these past two years in the relationship. I should've done better and known better. I would've taken back everything and tried to heal us.

If my parents find this, I'm sorry I've disappointed you so much. I'm sorry you wanted me to do something different than the fashion career. I'm sorry I'm not that type of daughter that you wanted. You guys expected so much great things from me. And I failed to fulfil that destiny. I'm so sorry, Mom and Dad.

And one more thing to Cosmo the cheater... I regret all of the emotional and mentally messed up things I did to you. But I do not regret killing you for cheating on me.

Oh and, just a friendly reminder, Miss Cosmo and that lovely stallion--

If y'all think that you're safe now... well, think again. I'm coming after you, even in death's realm. No Purgatory, Tartarus or even the Afterlife could save your flank from my fury. So, prepare thyself for thine punishment. It's redemption time.

This shall be my eternal gift to you, darling. See you, Miss Cosmo. ;)

Goodbye everypony. We'll meet again someday.

-XOXOXO, Pearl Shimmers. P.S.: Please don't throw me a funeral or anything in my name. I want to be left behind.

I finally folded the letter with the help of my magic. Then I placed the letter onto the table in front of me.

I knew what must be done. And the thought of it made me sick. But I couldn't complain about it. For I must do it out of honor. After all, I said that I'd do it myself due to guilt.

Soon my hooves trudged on over to what was once Cosmo's room. My magic unlocking the door, only to walk inside to grab one thing. A mirror. One thing I knew is that Cosmo loved her mirrors. She was so vain sometimes. I shook my head before magically lifting the mirror and exited the room. I walked myself into to the kitchen. Then I placed it in front of one of the counters.

I sat far in front of the mirror.

I was ready. I was going to do this. I had to. I wanted to.

No... I needed to.

Suddenly, I stopped and stared directly at my reflection. I made sure that I stared long enough into it. Soon, I began to give thoughts. Once I did, two sides of me formed. Making me feel torn. One side told me not to go through with it. The other told me to do it and I wasn't needed here anymore. To be honest, it's hard to agree with the lighter choice. The other side is right. I am not needed here anymore. Nopony here is going to remember me anyways. Everypony will just move on and forget me. Like life does itself.

So, I positioned myself in an attack position. Slowly but surely, my horn's magic began to charge. At first, I could see the little spark firing up a few times, causing greater ones in return. Overtime, all the sparks began to gather together. Soon forming into a HUGE ball of energy above my horn. If I calculated correctly, it's been over a few minutes of this. Which should be enough time.

But then, I stopped right there and I thought... Am I about to really do this? Do I want to meet the afterlife right now? I blankly stared at the ground for a few moments. Deciding on when to do this. I stood for a long, long, loooong while. Thinking about this big decision.

...
...

I must've stood for about a few hours now because when I looked at the clock, it was early in the morning. Now, it's in the late afternoon. Long forgetting my goal until I finally snapped out of my daze. Remembering that I didn't want to live without Cosmo.

That's when the tiny voice in my mind told me it was time.

So, I figured.

Finally, I released that ball of energy towards the mirror. Now watching it bounce off the mirror's glass and ricochet across the room a few times. My eyes followed the orb itself. It zapping around was pretty entertaining for a few seconds... I even laughed when it destroyed a few things of Cosmo's. Preferably pictures and some stupid shrine thing.

But then, I noticed the last bounce. That bounce made it suddenly hurl straight towards me.

Goodbye forever.

Author's Note

A few things I wanted to clear up here: Pearl and Cosmo have known each other since they were fillies. Didn't fall in love until their late adolescence years, but where TOO SCARED to form a relationship until they turned twenty. Since then they've been together about three years (since they actually met on Hearts & Hooves Day). This means Cosmo is 21 (turning 22), while Pearl is 22 (turning 23).

Yes, they are one year part. The "old" stuff is mainly an inside joke between the two.