A report on an interdimensional gothic winged unicorn goddess

by hmaf43

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Comedy, Nightmare Moon, Science Fiction, Profanity, Adventure, Violence, Human, Tirek, Anon
Length: 2065

Anon send report to his superior about first contact with sentient equine

A report about another accidental first contact made by a certain underpaid keyboard poker.

trickle down economy my ass....

warning: Don't read this story if you're offended by metal gear solid or Assassin's creed. This story set in alternate Earth that and reference to real life entities and events. It's also an Anon story....

Published 2023-02-17 16:50:00 UTC
Last updated 2023-02-17 16:50:00 UTC

report on event #SL--3022586

Dear, BBBFF(Big Boss Best Fricc Forever)

Birds are singing. Flowers are blooming. and the fire ball of dead is still hanging. keeping us alive and all that good stuff.
Guess what? That might change soon, depending on how we handle the situation from now on.
Boss, here's your mandetory status report. I am going to keep it short and crisp because the last time you didn't paid my overtime.
What's it with this organization? last time we detected an object of power, we ignored international treaties blitz the shit out of that poor city like a true pro gamer.
you can't commited war crimes if you're the world's police, right?
If vague information from a sketchy blue skinned meat bag give enough reason to do all that, then why can't they verify me?
I mean, the security cameras captured me, the receptionist saw me, and my activities on the computer has been logged.
"We cannot verify you because you didn't tap your keycard"
"The card reader was broken? Why should we care?"
Ghouls... all of them. We shouldn've left them to their fate.
What do you mean quiet quiting? I'm just working my wage.

Anyway, here's the report.

**reference from page 4 - 815 of C12F9.pdf**
ID: C12F9
Alias: Goddess of Night(self-proclaimed), Edgelord(my proposal)
Name: Nightmare Moon
Abilities: Thaumic manipulation(ex. Telekenesis, Teleportation, Shapeshifing, Flight, Dreamwalking)
Appearance: Black gothic slitted eyes winged unicorn. She said that her race is called alicorn but I think pegacorn is more accurate.
Description: Immortal interdimensional magical gothic horse princess that can move the moon and speaks old english because why not?

Because we don't want her to orbital strike us with the moon, we have choosen a peaceful way to extract information from her.
By making a deal with her. An equal exchange of questions and answers. No lies or hides. Enforced by the unbreakable spirit contract(Object of power #02351).
Our deals didn't included conditions to prevent us from using memory scalper to remove classified information from our brain. you cannot tell what you don't know, right?
I made a little mistake. I only removed the agency's classified information but not "my" classified information.
It's a very awkward moment to explain to her what is hentai and why the tenticles monster is better than bestiality.
Founately. She seems to agree with my reasoning and promised me a GOOD dream tonight.
Did I mention that she can entered dreams? She might have entered a few dreams before our reactive thaumic defense system kicked in.
She also wants to ask you about why your dream involed a whip, handcuffs, and a choker.
I know you're a busy man. So I told her to go and ask your close relations instead.
She might or might not enter your wife's dream tomorrow.

So that guy that came together with our edgy goddess horse and ran away into the iron curtain.

**reference from page 4 - 213 of C12G0.pdf**
ID: C12G0
Alias: Red Devil(Nightmare's proposal) Redbull(my proposal)
Name: Tirek
Abilities: Thaumic manipulation, Thaumic apsorption
Appearance: Black and red minoutour
Description: Immortal interdimensional magical magic-sucking minoutour. loves to play with underage of all species.

This guy is able to increase his thaumic coefficiency by absorbing complex-structured foreign thaumic energy.
In simple terms, he can "increase" his own magic power by "stealing" other's magic.
The upper limits is unkown. But apparently stronger than miss Moon and her sister combined. they needed a powerful artifect called "The Element of Harmony" to seal him.
And yes, miss Moon's sister can control the sun and The Element of Harmony is possibly one of most powerful timeline-bounded object of power we have come across so far.
But no, I will not make reports of those two. I am not obligated to write a report of anything that does not make contact to earth. You need to issue a priority order with clearlance 5 or above.
As i said, working my wage.

You know all the stuff that level 6 thaumic being can do. Nothing we can't handles.
But i can assure you he's more dangerous than you think.
The council will make him a low priority case because of how weak he appears to be, especially when dealing with the soviets.
Economic corridor my ass. they're taking away our jobs.

Here's a good convincing reason for you.

He and Miss moon were rulers of mortals of their previous realm.
Unlike typical entity that looked down on us, they know and COMMITED themselves to actually rule over their subjects.
You know what how many facts and bullshits i have to pulled out of my anus to convinced her that our petrol dollar system isn't a scam and our military is for peace keeping only.
Good thing that i decided to removed everything involved other organization too, eh? i cannot Immagine how i am going to convinced her we are the good guy without lying if i still knew about Operation Vietcong royal flush.

The thing is, their branch of thaumic manipulation is different than anything we know. capable of permanently manipulating low level material on massive scale instanly.
As low level as electron and as massive as a city.
In another words, they can turned a moutain into gold and lake into processed oil. instantly destroy our economic system and, ahem, unliberated other nations from our freedom and liberty.

That information should get the council going. Don't let's the commies get their dirty hands on golden goose, right?

Other than that, i have concerned about our resident horse goddess.
While she was contained and pretty content with current arrangement, miss moon have unusesual amount of compassion for an entinty as powerful as her.
We can become one of our greatest asset of threat depend on how we handle her. Instill the superiority of capitalism should be priority.

And i kept the poor and homeless away from her. She always goes on and on about justice and fairness.
I can convinced her if you can make the amout of homelesses loitering the street around the complex decrease.

With respected
Agent D
Human resource, Department of Control(Midwest High Command).

Author's Note

I can barely made this coherent lol.
You can read lore if you want to know more about this AU earth. really don't know why i wrote it so detailed.
This alternate reality is inspired(ripoff) by many things, even Adam Curtis' documentary!
Set in an alternate timeline where the Cold War never ended and the Soviet Union successfully implemented a limited form of democracy, the more transparent system weakened the iron grip of Moscow and allowed for more accurate economic data of the empire.
The "Godsplan" was functional and able to keep the empire from falling apart due to the need for compromise and listen to people.
Competition bred innovation, and with half of the Middle East, Asia, and South America under Soviet control, the First World did not have access to an abundance of oil, causing research in nuclear and electric energy storage to flourish.
Multicore processors became standard for home PCs by the 80s, but flying cars remained a dream as lower airspace was reserved for government and commercial services, with trains being the favored mode of transportation for the Soviet, and cars for the capitalist for profit reasons.
Mythical artifacts always existed on Earth and were managed by secret societies of magic users around the world, but in this new age of enlightenment, people became more educated, agile, and intelligent, with governments no longer able to hide in secrecy. Rejected underdogs from Hogwarts-like schools now worked for the government and sought vengeance.
Thankfully, there was no second coming holocaust.
Somewhere along the way, the world of the mythical became under full control of the states, all for the purpose of national security.
The Alfheim became communist after a revolution due to the west's attempts at privatization of "The Light" being deemed bad, while the story of Olympus was different - they loved "Little St. James" so much that they sold the sun chariot, which became part of NATO's strategic nuclear weapons.
Defaulting on debt for individuals became illegal as deptor could now access the realm of death.
By the end of 90s Earth has outsource nealy all productivity to realms where they have less regulation and no human's right(because they're not humans). Basically the same system british empire used.
The first contact with extraterrestrials occurred in the 60s by the US and in the 70s by the USSR.
The existence of parallel realms was well-known, but the ability to find ones with compatible laws of physics and access them safely was not.
The aliens were horrified by our mythical capabilities, causing them to play it safe.
Combined with the secrecy of the Cold War, all sides were content with keeping a low profile.
Civilizations powered by technology and magic, in perpetual proxy wars with superpowered governments, made contact with life from outer space.
For decades, that was the unchanging status quo, an absurd and complex system that relied on a delicate balance somehow able to function for decades.

All of that changed in the turning point of next century.

These are series of event that when combine together, will add strain to the system until it eventually break down:
1) 1989: Heightened anti-imperialist sentiment that rejected both sides so much that a new axis power was formed - a federation of diverse government systems that rejected the dollar reserve, encompassing parts of Asia, North Africa, and the Middle East.
2) 1991: The Cold War nearly became a hot war, but it ended swiftly thanks to many individuals who got dragged into the heart of this shitstorm, such as treasure hunters, space bounty hunters, mute fighter pilots, and more.
3) 1992: First contact accidentally became public knowledge.
4) 1993: Fearing that their duopoly would soon be over, they declared the end of the Cold War and turned their focus toward outside earth completely. trying to keep control over realms and stop influence of outer space.
5) 1994: This is where this one-shot takes place. Wolrd is filled with hopelessness, distrust, and conspiracy run rampents.
6) 1995: The Galactic Community made first contact with the first mythical realm and started research on magictech with the help of the natives.
7) 1998: The first realm declared independence from Earth. Some formed resistance with the help of alien technology, while others outright immigrated out via world-sized colony ships.
8) 2000: The first alien embassy on Earth.
9) 2002: The first nation signed an open border treaty with the outer space civilizations.
10) 2005: Mass migration to outer space with better quality of life led to a decline in replacement rates, which was highly detrimental to imperial governmental systems, especially if it used a system that required infinite growth to be healthy, like capitalism.
11) 2012: The collapse of the United States, with about a quarter of the remnants of the US Navy on Earth ruled by a Napoleon wannabe, terrorizing the Earth. Not to mention, half of two-thirds of the Army that was left stranded in the realms. Another grand battles for old and new heroes and all those who wish for peace. This time including the ponies.
12) 2013: The peaceful shrinkage of the USSR(the mysterious disappearance of dozens of high officials might have something to do with that). Member states were given the ability to vote for their independence.

It's the time when people have stopped believing in the old system but don't know how to move forward, with no hope or dreams.
Equestria is just a typical single realm filled with mystical beings that survived first contact with Earth only because they're lucky.
even though Earth is a single planet civilization, it is still so powerful that it made spacefaring aliens think twice before doing anything.
Villains like Nightmare Moon and Tirek are usually not difficult, but the reason why Equestrians are dangerous is that they possess hero materials and an uncompromised moral compass that is compatible with modern Earth and they are trained in politics. However, no one except for the top brass takes them seriously because they don't care.
And by good, I mean that Nightmare and Tirek won't consider the economy more important than the sacredness of the afterlife, and they won't accept rape and pillage as acceptable default war tactics.