Foal support.by Ssendam the MaskedChaptersBuildup (1)IT BEGINS (2)Revelation (3)Buildup (1)Foal Support. As we all know, the Canterlot Wedding was a complete disaster. Evil shape shifting bug monsters appearing out of nowhere, a defeated Princess Celestia and twelve tonnes of Hugh Jelly’s ‘personal’ lime jelly combined in a spectacular event that made the last Grand Galloping Gala look like absolutely nothing went wrong with it at all, which considering what happened the year before that, was an improvement. But at least Shining Armour and Cadence got married happily ever after, the Changelings were repelled from Equestria and Applejack got the chance to wink seductively at Princess Celestia, and nothing bad happened. Yeah, right, like that would ever happen. Just by saying that, you have condemned the universe to make things worse for you. And the Princesses have started preparing for another Changeling invasion… The Royal Sanctum is a fascinating place, when you think about it. It is a small room, with shelves lined with books and strewn with pillows. Most mortals who walk into the chamber have to wear sunglasses just to see, as the chamber is always filled with magically enchanted lamps. The chamber is only open for those few who the goddess of the sun has a personal interest in- psychologically unstable personal students, ‘exceptional’ guards and the butler. Oh, and her recently returned sister, who would, if there was something to talk about with her sister, would simply contact her telepathically, as was her wont. “Tia, we dost require your presence in our chambers.” Celestia sighed, put down the book, and moved to the hidden door, artfully disguised as a door. Of course, most visitors who visited never really saw the door, as it was so obviously a hidden door that there was no interest in it. Opening it, she walked into Luna’s private chambers. Luna’s chambers were painted black and shades of dark blue and purple. Almost every shelf in this chamber was filled with Equestrian gaming consoles- a Neightendo 64, SNES and NES, PS3, Xbox 360, Neightendo DS, PSP, games and controllers. The sole non-gaming related shelf was stacked with ancient, dark texts, that warped the sanity of even the most intelligent scholar. Luna enjoyed reading them as light entertainment, especially the Necronomicon. The large television screen for her current console covered half of the wall, currently blank. Luna spun the swivel chair around to greet her sister. ‘We thank you for being prompt, Tia.” “Did you fire another linguist, Lulu?” Luna looked affronted. “No I haven’t! If you must know, he walked out on his own, muttering something about a ‘crazy loud alicorn.’” Both of the sisters looked at each other and giggled. “So, what did you want to talk about then?” Luna immediately stopped giggling and pulled out a letter. As Celestia picked it up with her magic, Luna started talking. “As you know, the Changeling Empire has started to move back to Equestria, despite their disastrous defeat.” “Given that they were intending to turn Equestria into a food source, I’d say that they’re trying again with a different strategy.” Luna looked abashed. ‘You could say that they have a different strategy.” Celestia raised an eyebrow, but opened the letter and read through it briefly. And then reread it, eyes wide. Then, with an air of finality, she reread one line. And an infamous smirk appeared on her face. “Shining Armor isn’t going to be pleased when he hears about this.” Meanwhile, Shining Armor was doing his job. Even though he had been brainwashed by a crazy insect lady, he was still Captain of the Solar Guard, now the full Royal Guard with the Night Regiment. Currently, he was still dealing with the paperwork. Okay, let’s see… bills to repair for the parts of the barracks that new recruits somehow managed to demolish during training, training dummies, payments to the Royal Armoury for 100 new sets of armour custom fitted… A mental image of one of the new Privates, Private Lotus Eater in armour formed. “Captain, this armour is so comfortable and well-fitted! It feels like I’m wearing nothing at all!” “Nothing at all!” “NOTHING AT ALL!” “Stupid sexy Lotus Eater!” Shining Armor suddenly clapped a hoof over his muzzle, hoping that nopony had heard his outburst. When no immediate signs of anypony appeared, he settled down to work, which consisted of him signing everything that required a signature and occasionally throwing the downright ridiculous proposals into the wastebasket. A self-propelled carriage that runs on controlled explosions? It’ll never last! Finally, it was done, and Shining Armor could call it a day. “Sergeant, I’m going home to my wife.” The jovial fat earth pony waved him goodbye. “Cady, I’m home!” His wife’s pink head popped around the corner from where she was organising her babysitting sidejob, which proved extremely popular due to its royal sponsorship. “Hey, Shiny, how was your day?” “Same as usual- paperwork and more paperwork. Still, at least it’s Friday, so late nights are a go-go.” Cadence smiled coyly. “You know… we could start now.” Shining Armor grinned enthusiastically. “Sure, just let me grab some coffee and I’ll be right there.” As he trotted over to the kitchen, he could hear Cadence starting to set things up. Man, grandpa, if you could see this day… “What?” “I’ll tell you later.” “Alright, Spike! That’s the last copy of Synonyms for the word ‘plimsoll.’ Now we can take a break.” Spike sagged, falling over into his basket with a ‘thunk.’ “Geez, Twilight, why do we even need that book? It’s unnecessary- HURK!” A small gout of green flame burst from his mouth, and a scroll popped into existence. Twilight examined the contents of the scroll, at first in curiosity, then in horror. “Spike, get up. This is extremely important. We have to get to Canterlot now.” “Whassup? I just sat down, then I get a letter, and now you’re acting all weird. What happened?” Twilight paused for a moment, and tried to marshal her thoughts together. “Well, it’s kind of hard to explain, but it’s to do with Queen Chrysalis and my brother. I’ll explain as we go.” “Where are we going?” “To Pinkie Pie’s place. She’s the only one who has a balloon license.” Spike rolled his eyes. “I thought we also had a balloon license, Twilight.” Twilight shook her head. “That may be true, but Pinkie Pie owns a balloon, and we don’t!” Spike facepalmed, and followed his (occasionally crazy) older sister to Pinkie Pie’s apartment. As Shining Armor woke up to the glorious rays of Celestia’s sun, he felt his wife nudge him. “Shiny?” “Yes, Cady?” “Why did you say that your grandfather would have liked this?” “Ah, my grandfather was Night Shade, the old captain of the Solar Guard. He was the one who really inspired me to become a member of the Guard. He died just after I got enrolled.” Cadence nuzzled him. “I’m sorry to hear that. I really am.” “We used to go fishing together. He gave a piece of advice that I still remember today.” SHINING ARMOR MIND VISION! A young Shining Armor and his grandfather, a dark grey unicorn with a red star for a Cutie mark walked into a tackle shop. A young mare with a two-toned mane waved at them. “Hey, Night Shade! I got your order here!” As she turned around, Shining Armor and his grandfather got a good look at her plot. “Grandson, remember this. A plot like that mares makes living all worthwhile. Also, try to shack up with an alicorn if you can.” As the salesmare handed him the tackle he had ordered, he winked to his grandson. Later that day, his grandfather managed to catch a seapony by accident. However, he threw it back in because it wasn’t as big as the whale he caught last week. Shining Armor smiled at the memory, then turned around to his wife. Or rather, her perfect behind. She caught him in the act and blushed. “Pervert.” “Well, yes. But you have to admit, you’d probably kill me if I perved on anypony but you. And this way, I get this perfect valley every time I wake up.” “Oh, you-“ The ring of the doorbell interrupted their ‘intense’ argument. “I’ll get it!” As Cadence skippd off to the door, Shining Armor relaxed into the covers. Aah, Celestia, you know how to make a morning alright. It feels so peaceful, I don’t think that anything can go wrong! IT BEGINS (2)Princess Cadence walked over to the building, as whoever it was kept pounding the doorbell. “Alright, alright, I’m coming!” Cadence desperately needed a cup of coffee, and if the visitor wasn’t somepony important, then all Tartaurus would break loose. “Geez, have a little patience.” As she opened the door, a familiar purple pony and her dragon fell through. “Twilight? What are you-‘ before she could finish her sentence, Twilight pulled herself up. A maniacal glint in her eye showed how unhinged she was. ‘What happened? Did you forget your medicine again?” “What? Oh, no,” Twilight chuckled at that misinterpretation, “it’s just that there’s something really important about Shining Armor that came up recently. It’s to do with Chrysalis.” A hard look came over Cadence- Chrysalis had almost succeeded in marrying Shining Armor by abducting her and taking her place. It was only due to Twilight’s realisation that ‘Cadence’ was brainwashing her husband and wasn’t acting like her normal self that meant that she was married to Shining Armor at all. Even though the Changelings had been desperate enough to attack Canterlot, she had been imprisoned in an underground cave with no food and very little water for a week, so there was no love lost on the Changeling Queen. “What happened? Is she planning another invasion?” Twilight looked down. “You could say that…” Just then, a loud scream sounded from the bedroom. Twilight and Cadence looked at each other and charged in. Earlier… Chrysalis smirked in satisfaction. There was Shining Armor’s and Cadence’s house. Pretty lacklustre for two of the major political figures in Canterlot, but not one pony was going to object to the living force field generator and a princess. She had expressly avoided the front door, as explanations were going to be entertaining enough without the whole of Canterlot seeing her and alerting the guards, especially the irrationally attractive guard on duty (stupid sexy guard.) Even though she had sent her letter to the princesses with an explanation of what she planned to do, she doubted that the guards were that friendly. Plus, she wanted to have this chance. She leapt through the window and positioned herself next to Shining Armor, but before she pulled the prank, she found something to increase the horror- one of his wife’s saucy outfits. Satisfied with her appearance, she softly whispered to Shining Armor: “Good morning, sleepyhead…” Shining Armor felt drowsy- considering his position as captain of the Royal Guard, and the aftereffects of Chrysalis’ brainwashing, he felt a little sleepier than normal. Normally, he’d just shrug it off and get some coffee, but because of last night’s sexual appetite, he fell back asleep as soon as his wife left. A sultry voice pulled him from the land of nod. “Good morning, sleepyhead…” Groaning slightly, he turned around. “I wasn’t asle-“ Rather than his wife’s nice, pink face with three-toned mane, instead, there was a black, shiny face, with a pair of snake-like eyes and a lank green mane. A long and wickedly curved horn protruded from her forehead, and an almost organic tiara was placed on her head. Chitinous wings and Swiss-cheese legs completed the full Chrysalis ensemble. “Did you sleep well?” She blinked at him innocently. Alright. Swiss-cheese bug alicorn is here in your bedroom. Obviously, my first priority is to create a small barrier in my room and push it outwards, and turn her into a smear on the wall. Unfortunately, his body didn’t translate that very well- instead of ‘pulp Changeling queen,’ it went ‘scream like a little filly and hide in bedcovers.’ And the point tally is Shining Armor 0, Chrysalis 1. Cadence and Twilight quickly galloped into the bedroom. Cadence’s mind was already forming possible scenarios- serial killer, burglar, clown- but nothing could have prepared her for what she saw. Queen Chrysalis lying on their bed in a French maid outfit. The black lace frill was pushed back, and she wasn’t wearing socks, but otherwise, a perfect French maid. Chrysalis grinned at her. “We’re both of a size, huh?” For an answer, Cadence magically threw Chrysalis off the bed, then stalked up to her, horn glowing with blue magical energy. “Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t make you fall in love with a pack of timberwolves right now.” Chrysalis shot her a hurt look. “Now, Cadence, that’s a bit mean, but then again, I did nearly marry the love of your life, so I can expect some animosity. I’m not here to reclaim Shining Armor or stage another invasion.” Cadence retained a suspicious look, but the glow of her horn relented. “Why are you here then? More specifically, why did you visit Shining Armor?” Shining Armor extracted himself from the covers and looked at Chrysalis with curiosity. “Yeah, why’d you come here? Revenge against us? Make us paranoid? Seduction?” “No, I’m here to get this month’s payment of foal support.” In the silence that followed, you could hear a pin drop. Cadence finally spoke. “What. Was. That. You. Said.” Chrysalis looked shocked. “You mean my letter wasn’t sent to you explaining the situation?” “It got sent to me, actually.” Twilight said, while Spike nudged Shining Armor in a playful fashion. Logical, rational thought coupled with a by-the-book version of ‘The Talk’ and secretly perusing Twilight’s cheesy romantic novels would do that to a young dragon. “Congrats, Shiny, you get a foal. Feel happy?” Shining Armor, for his part just looked shocked. As Cadence turned around to him with the wrath of Celestia plain in her face, bits of his mind shut down and a small remainder of the brainwashing spell crept into his mind, offering him a general tune to put his woes to: This day was going to be perfect, A weekend I dreamed about since I was small. But now Chrysalis showed up out of nowhere, and says that I had her kids, And my hot wife’s giving me the stinkeye… Revelation (3)Private Lotus Eater was extremely bored. Due to the unfortunate circumstance of accidentally seducing the sergeant, he was standing guard outside of Shining Armor’s house, starting from 2100 hours until 1100 hours. An all night stand, with no rest or coffee. Still, it could have been worse, what with Shining Armor and Cadence providing some… encouragement for staying awake (not like anypony was going to get any sleep anyway, too loud.) He was feeling the effects of it now, alright. His head was drooping down, and his eyes were having trouble staying open. But a loud scream from Shining Armor snapped them wide open. When the house failed to erupt into flames or have ponies escaping from the windows, you kind of lose priority in the scream itself, classifying it as Somepony Else’s problem. And Lotus Eater just wanted to get some badly needed sleep. His eyes started drooping again, unintentionally seducing a mare walking past, who later wrote the incredibly popular Passionate embrace series of trashy romantic novels featuring Lord Coitus and a large selection of mares. Of course, Lotus Eater wasn’t to know that, he just wanted to get some sleep. But a second, even louder yell prevented him form visiting the land of Nod. Knowing his duty as the guard of Shining Armor and his wife, he sprang into action, charging the door and galloping towards the source of the scream- the bedroom. As he rounded the corner, what he saw shocked him into a halt. Cadence shook Shining Armor by the head, the unicorn just looking faintly shell-shocked. “SHINING ARMOR!” The angry tones of a wife who has just found out that her husband has just done a Brokeback Mountain clear in her voice, “DID! YOU! HAVE! SEX! WITH THAT MARE!” Shining Armor finally snapped out of his haze. “I don’t remember doing that. In fact, I don’t really remember a lot of what happened last week. I wasn’t paying attention due to being brainwashed.” “HOW COULD YOU NOT NOTICE THAT YOU WERE HAVING SEX?” SHINING ARMOR MIND VISION! Shining Armor waited. The lights above him blinked and sparked out of the air. There were demons in Canterlot. He didn’t see them but had expected them for years. His warnings to Cernel Sparkle were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far to late for now, anyway. Shining Armor was a Royal Guard for fourteen years. When he was young he would watch the carriages and said to dad, “I want to be on the carriages daddy.” Dad said “NO! YOU WILL BE KILL BY DEMONS!” There was a time when he believed. Then as he got oldered he stopped. But now in Canterlot he knew there were demons. “This is Luna” the radio crackered. “You must fight the demons!” So Shining Armor gotted his unicorn horn and blew up the wall. “HE GOING TO KILL US” said the demons “I will shoot at him” said the cyberdemon and he fired the rocket missiles. Shining Armor plasmaed at him and tried to blew him up. But then the ceiling fell and they were trapped and unable to kill. “No! I must kill the demons” he shouted. The radio said “No Shining Armor, you are the demons.” And then Shining Armor was a zombie. “Like that. That was pretty much what I was thinking during the Changeling Invasion before the spell was removed. I remember when I thought that I was a giant magical ball that sucked things towards it, and I also remember spreading rainbows around a weird Candyland as this weird bipedal red creature. Like I said, it was pretty easy to forget the time of day when the world looks like a Vincent van Hoof painting.” Cadence and Twilight were speechless, and Chrysalis was laughing her plot off. “Your mind is SO bad at imaginary scenarios! ‘And then Shining Armor was a zombie,’ what the hell kind of twist is that? Was that the best you could come up with?” “Hey, as I recall, you thought of that brainwashing scenario, didn’t you? So it’s as much your fault as it is mine!” Chrysalis briefly appeared to be abashed, but cleared her throat to hide it. “Anyway, Shining Armor, don’t you want to see your own child?” Before he could say no, she pulled something out of nowhere and handed it to him. Shining Armor looked at the object in his hooves. It was dark green with black splotches on it, which bore a suspicious resemblance towards Chrysalis’ colour scheme. “So changelings lay eggs?” “Well, as the hive queen it is my responsibility to lay eggs, but other changelings can lay eggs in a pinch.” Chrysalis looked at him. “Isn’t it much easier to take care of than a regular foal?” As Shining Armor took it, he opened his mouth. “How do you we know that this egg isn’t just a regular Changeling egg? For all we know, this is all a scam to invade Equestria.” “You can look after the eggs then, if you want.” Shining Armor looked at it, then at Cadence. “Would you mind if I looked after this changeling egg, Cady?” He asked, putting on his puppy-eyed expression. Princess Cadence briefly wanted to say no, but a part of her was genuinely curious to see what the egg would hatch into. “Alright, you can look after it until it hatches.” Shining Armor grinned, then something in the back of his mind nudged him about the conversation. Wait, she said, “You can look after the eggs...” Does that mean- “How many eggs did you have?” Chrysalis blinked. “300, why? I thought that ponies had that many as well as me.” Everypony in the room except for Chrysalis blinked. Then Shining Armor and Cadence screamed in unison at Chrysalis. “WHAT?” “SHINING ARMOR HAD 300 FOALS WITH YOU?” Spike, who had only assumed that Shining Armor had only had one foal, was speechless over this development. They then grabbed Twilight Sparkle. “Is it possible for her to lay 300 eggs in a week?” Twilight looked shifty. “I’m just going to make a guess here- since Chrysalis is more of an insect than a pony, then as the hive queen, she could lay a lot of eggs in that short time frame.” As Shining Armor sank into despair over having had 300 half-changeling foals, Private Lotus Eater finally worked up the nerve to speak. “Captain Shining Armor, permission to speak, sir!” he nodded, and Lotus Eater continued. “Sir, you are a player, if you don’t mind that.” It was this innocuous sentence that finally broke Shining Armor, who fainted from the sheer shock. Cadence and Twilight glared at him. “Did I say something wrong?”
Buildup (1)Foal Support. As we all know, the Canterlot Wedding was a complete disaster. Evil shape shifting bug monsters appearing out of nowhere, a defeated Princess Celestia and twelve tonnes of Hugh Jelly’s ‘personal’ lime jelly combined in a spectacular event that made the last Grand Galloping Gala look like absolutely nothing went wrong with it at all, which considering what happened the year before that, was an improvement. But at least Shining Armour and Cadence got married happily ever after, the Changelings were repelled from Equestria and Applejack got the chance to wink seductively at Princess Celestia, and nothing bad happened. Yeah, right, like that would ever happen. Just by saying that, you have condemned the universe to make things worse for you. And the Princesses have started preparing for another Changeling invasion… The Royal Sanctum is a fascinating place, when you think about it. It is a small room, with shelves lined with books and strewn with pillows. Most mortals who walk into the chamber have to wear sunglasses just to see, as the chamber is always filled with magically enchanted lamps. The chamber is only open for those few who the goddess of the sun has a personal interest in- psychologically unstable personal students, ‘exceptional’ guards and the butler. Oh, and her recently returned sister, who would, if there was something to talk about with her sister, would simply contact her telepathically, as was her wont. “Tia, we dost require your presence in our chambers.” Celestia sighed, put down the book, and moved to the hidden door, artfully disguised as a door. Of course, most visitors who visited never really saw the door, as it was so obviously a hidden door that there was no interest in it. Opening it, she walked into Luna’s private chambers. Luna’s chambers were painted black and shades of dark blue and purple. Almost every shelf in this chamber was filled with Equestrian gaming consoles- a Neightendo 64, SNES and NES, PS3, Xbox 360, Neightendo DS, PSP, games and controllers. The sole non-gaming related shelf was stacked with ancient, dark texts, that warped the sanity of even the most intelligent scholar. Luna enjoyed reading them as light entertainment, especially the Necronomicon. The large television screen for her current console covered half of the wall, currently blank. Luna spun the swivel chair around to greet her sister. ‘We thank you for being prompt, Tia.” “Did you fire another linguist, Lulu?” Luna looked affronted. “No I haven’t! If you must know, he walked out on his own, muttering something about a ‘crazy loud alicorn.’” Both of the sisters looked at each other and giggled. “So, what did you want to talk about then?” Luna immediately stopped giggling and pulled out a letter. As Celestia picked it up with her magic, Luna started talking. “As you know, the Changeling Empire has started to move back to Equestria, despite their disastrous defeat.” “Given that they were intending to turn Equestria into a food source, I’d say that they’re trying again with a different strategy.” Luna looked abashed. ‘You could say that they have a different strategy.” Celestia raised an eyebrow, but opened the letter and read through it briefly. And then reread it, eyes wide. Then, with an air of finality, she reread one line. And an infamous smirk appeared on her face. “Shining Armor isn’t going to be pleased when he hears about this.” Meanwhile, Shining Armor was doing his job. Even though he had been brainwashed by a crazy insect lady, he was still Captain of the Solar Guard, now the full Royal Guard with the Night Regiment. Currently, he was still dealing with the paperwork. Okay, let’s see… bills to repair for the parts of the barracks that new recruits somehow managed to demolish during training, training dummies, payments to the Royal Armoury for 100 new sets of armour custom fitted… A mental image of one of the new Privates, Private Lotus Eater in armour formed. “Captain, this armour is so comfortable and well-fitted! It feels like I’m wearing nothing at all!” “Nothing at all!” “NOTHING AT ALL!” “Stupid sexy Lotus Eater!” Shining Armor suddenly clapped a hoof over his muzzle, hoping that nopony had heard his outburst. When no immediate signs of anypony appeared, he settled down to work, which consisted of him signing everything that required a signature and occasionally throwing the downright ridiculous proposals into the wastebasket. A self-propelled carriage that runs on controlled explosions? It’ll never last! Finally, it was done, and Shining Armor could call it a day. “Sergeant, I’m going home to my wife.” The jovial fat earth pony waved him goodbye. “Cady, I’m home!” His wife’s pink head popped around the corner from where she was organising her babysitting sidejob, which proved extremely popular due to its royal sponsorship. “Hey, Shiny, how was your day?” “Same as usual- paperwork and more paperwork. Still, at least it’s Friday, so late nights are a go-go.” Cadence smiled coyly. “You know… we could start now.” Shining Armor grinned enthusiastically. “Sure, just let me grab some coffee and I’ll be right there.” As he trotted over to the kitchen, he could hear Cadence starting to set things up. Man, grandpa, if you could see this day… “What?” “I’ll tell you later.” “Alright, Spike! That’s the last copy of Synonyms for the word ‘plimsoll.’ Now we can take a break.” Spike sagged, falling over into his basket with a ‘thunk.’ “Geez, Twilight, why do we even need that book? It’s unnecessary- HURK!” A small gout of green flame burst from his mouth, and a scroll popped into existence. Twilight examined the contents of the scroll, at first in curiosity, then in horror. “Spike, get up. This is extremely important. We have to get to Canterlot now.” “Whassup? I just sat down, then I get a letter, and now you’re acting all weird. What happened?” Twilight paused for a moment, and tried to marshal her thoughts together. “Well, it’s kind of hard to explain, but it’s to do with Queen Chrysalis and my brother. I’ll explain as we go.” “Where are we going?” “To Pinkie Pie’s place. She’s the only one who has a balloon license.” Spike rolled his eyes. “I thought we also had a balloon license, Twilight.” Twilight shook her head. “That may be true, but Pinkie Pie owns a balloon, and we don’t!” Spike facepalmed, and followed his (occasionally crazy) older sister to Pinkie Pie’s apartment. As Shining Armor woke up to the glorious rays of Celestia’s sun, he felt his wife nudge him. “Shiny?” “Yes, Cady?” “Why did you say that your grandfather would have liked this?” “Ah, my grandfather was Night Shade, the old captain of the Solar Guard. He was the one who really inspired me to become a member of the Guard. He died just after I got enrolled.” Cadence nuzzled him. “I’m sorry to hear that. I really am.” “We used to go fishing together. He gave a piece of advice that I still remember today.” SHINING ARMOR MIND VISION! A young Shining Armor and his grandfather, a dark grey unicorn with a red star for a Cutie mark walked into a tackle shop. A young mare with a two-toned mane waved at them. “Hey, Night Shade! I got your order here!” As she turned around, Shining Armor and his grandfather got a good look at her plot. “Grandson, remember this. A plot like that mares makes living all worthwhile. Also, try to shack up with an alicorn if you can.” As the salesmare handed him the tackle he had ordered, he winked to his grandson. Later that day, his grandfather managed to catch a seapony by accident. However, he threw it back in because it wasn’t as big as the whale he caught last week. Shining Armor smiled at the memory, then turned around to his wife. Or rather, her perfect behind. She caught him in the act and blushed. “Pervert.” “Well, yes. But you have to admit, you’d probably kill me if I perved on anypony but you. And this way, I get this perfect valley every time I wake up.” “Oh, you-“ The ring of the doorbell interrupted their ‘intense’ argument. “I’ll get it!” As Cadence skippd off to the door, Shining Armor relaxed into the covers. Aah, Celestia, you know how to make a morning alright. It feels so peaceful, I don’t think that anything can go wrong!
IT BEGINS (2)Princess Cadence walked over to the building, as whoever it was kept pounding the doorbell. “Alright, alright, I’m coming!” Cadence desperately needed a cup of coffee, and if the visitor wasn’t somepony important, then all Tartaurus would break loose. “Geez, have a little patience.” As she opened the door, a familiar purple pony and her dragon fell through. “Twilight? What are you-‘ before she could finish her sentence, Twilight pulled herself up. A maniacal glint in her eye showed how unhinged she was. ‘What happened? Did you forget your medicine again?” “What? Oh, no,” Twilight chuckled at that misinterpretation, “it’s just that there’s something really important about Shining Armor that came up recently. It’s to do with Chrysalis.” A hard look came over Cadence- Chrysalis had almost succeeded in marrying Shining Armor by abducting her and taking her place. It was only due to Twilight’s realisation that ‘Cadence’ was brainwashing her husband and wasn’t acting like her normal self that meant that she was married to Shining Armor at all. Even though the Changelings had been desperate enough to attack Canterlot, she had been imprisoned in an underground cave with no food and very little water for a week, so there was no love lost on the Changeling Queen. “What happened? Is she planning another invasion?” Twilight looked down. “You could say that…” Just then, a loud scream sounded from the bedroom. Twilight and Cadence looked at each other and charged in. Earlier… Chrysalis smirked in satisfaction. There was Shining Armor’s and Cadence’s house. Pretty lacklustre for two of the major political figures in Canterlot, but not one pony was going to object to the living force field generator and a princess. She had expressly avoided the front door, as explanations were going to be entertaining enough without the whole of Canterlot seeing her and alerting the guards, especially the irrationally attractive guard on duty (stupid sexy guard.) Even though she had sent her letter to the princesses with an explanation of what she planned to do, she doubted that the guards were that friendly. Plus, she wanted to have this chance. She leapt through the window and positioned herself next to Shining Armor, but before she pulled the prank, she found something to increase the horror- one of his wife’s saucy outfits. Satisfied with her appearance, she softly whispered to Shining Armor: “Good morning, sleepyhead…” Shining Armor felt drowsy- considering his position as captain of the Royal Guard, and the aftereffects of Chrysalis’ brainwashing, he felt a little sleepier than normal. Normally, he’d just shrug it off and get some coffee, but because of last night’s sexual appetite, he fell back asleep as soon as his wife left. A sultry voice pulled him from the land of nod. “Good morning, sleepyhead…” Groaning slightly, he turned around. “I wasn’t asle-“ Rather than his wife’s nice, pink face with three-toned mane, instead, there was a black, shiny face, with a pair of snake-like eyes and a lank green mane. A long and wickedly curved horn protruded from her forehead, and an almost organic tiara was placed on her head. Chitinous wings and Swiss-cheese legs completed the full Chrysalis ensemble. “Did you sleep well?” She blinked at him innocently. Alright. Swiss-cheese bug alicorn is here in your bedroom. Obviously, my first priority is to create a small barrier in my room and push it outwards, and turn her into a smear on the wall. Unfortunately, his body didn’t translate that very well- instead of ‘pulp Changeling queen,’ it went ‘scream like a little filly and hide in bedcovers.’ And the point tally is Shining Armor 0, Chrysalis 1. Cadence and Twilight quickly galloped into the bedroom. Cadence’s mind was already forming possible scenarios- serial killer, burglar, clown- but nothing could have prepared her for what she saw. Queen Chrysalis lying on their bed in a French maid outfit. The black lace frill was pushed back, and she wasn’t wearing socks, but otherwise, a perfect French maid. Chrysalis grinned at her. “We’re both of a size, huh?” For an answer, Cadence magically threw Chrysalis off the bed, then stalked up to her, horn glowing with blue magical energy. “Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t make you fall in love with a pack of timberwolves right now.” Chrysalis shot her a hurt look. “Now, Cadence, that’s a bit mean, but then again, I did nearly marry the love of your life, so I can expect some animosity. I’m not here to reclaim Shining Armor or stage another invasion.” Cadence retained a suspicious look, but the glow of her horn relented. “Why are you here then? More specifically, why did you visit Shining Armor?” Shining Armor extracted himself from the covers and looked at Chrysalis with curiosity. “Yeah, why’d you come here? Revenge against us? Make us paranoid? Seduction?” “No, I’m here to get this month’s payment of foal support.” In the silence that followed, you could hear a pin drop. Cadence finally spoke. “What. Was. That. You. Said.” Chrysalis looked shocked. “You mean my letter wasn’t sent to you explaining the situation?” “It got sent to me, actually.” Twilight said, while Spike nudged Shining Armor in a playful fashion. Logical, rational thought coupled with a by-the-book version of ‘The Talk’ and secretly perusing Twilight’s cheesy romantic novels would do that to a young dragon. “Congrats, Shiny, you get a foal. Feel happy?” Shining Armor, for his part just looked shocked. As Cadence turned around to him with the wrath of Celestia plain in her face, bits of his mind shut down and a small remainder of the brainwashing spell crept into his mind, offering him a general tune to put his woes to: This day was going to be perfect, A weekend I dreamed about since I was small. But now Chrysalis showed up out of nowhere, and says that I had her kids, And my hot wife’s giving me the stinkeye…
Revelation (3)Private Lotus Eater was extremely bored. Due to the unfortunate circumstance of accidentally seducing the sergeant, he was standing guard outside of Shining Armor’s house, starting from 2100 hours until 1100 hours. An all night stand, with no rest or coffee. Still, it could have been worse, what with Shining Armor and Cadence providing some… encouragement for staying awake (not like anypony was going to get any sleep anyway, too loud.) He was feeling the effects of it now, alright. His head was drooping down, and his eyes were having trouble staying open. But a loud scream from Shining Armor snapped them wide open. When the house failed to erupt into flames or have ponies escaping from the windows, you kind of lose priority in the scream itself, classifying it as Somepony Else’s problem. And Lotus Eater just wanted to get some badly needed sleep. His eyes started drooping again, unintentionally seducing a mare walking past, who later wrote the incredibly popular Passionate embrace series of trashy romantic novels featuring Lord Coitus and a large selection of mares. Of course, Lotus Eater wasn’t to know that, he just wanted to get some sleep. But a second, even louder yell prevented him form visiting the land of Nod. Knowing his duty as the guard of Shining Armor and his wife, he sprang into action, charging the door and galloping towards the source of the scream- the bedroom. As he rounded the corner, what he saw shocked him into a halt. Cadence shook Shining Armor by the head, the unicorn just looking faintly shell-shocked. “SHINING ARMOR!” The angry tones of a wife who has just found out that her husband has just done a Brokeback Mountain clear in her voice, “DID! YOU! HAVE! SEX! WITH THAT MARE!” Shining Armor finally snapped out of his haze. “I don’t remember doing that. In fact, I don’t really remember a lot of what happened last week. I wasn’t paying attention due to being brainwashed.” “HOW COULD YOU NOT NOTICE THAT YOU WERE HAVING SEX?” SHINING ARMOR MIND VISION! Shining Armor waited. The lights above him blinked and sparked out of the air. There were demons in Canterlot. He didn’t see them but had expected them for years. His warnings to Cernel Sparkle were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far to late for now, anyway. Shining Armor was a Royal Guard for fourteen years. When he was young he would watch the carriages and said to dad, “I want to be on the carriages daddy.” Dad said “NO! YOU WILL BE KILL BY DEMONS!” There was a time when he believed. Then as he got oldered he stopped. But now in Canterlot he knew there were demons. “This is Luna” the radio crackered. “You must fight the demons!” So Shining Armor gotted his unicorn horn and blew up the wall. “HE GOING TO KILL US” said the demons “I will shoot at him” said the cyberdemon and he fired the rocket missiles. Shining Armor plasmaed at him and tried to blew him up. But then the ceiling fell and they were trapped and unable to kill. “No! I must kill the demons” he shouted. The radio said “No Shining Armor, you are the demons.” And then Shining Armor was a zombie. “Like that. That was pretty much what I was thinking during the Changeling Invasion before the spell was removed. I remember when I thought that I was a giant magical ball that sucked things towards it, and I also remember spreading rainbows around a weird Candyland as this weird bipedal red creature. Like I said, it was pretty easy to forget the time of day when the world looks like a Vincent van Hoof painting.” Cadence and Twilight were speechless, and Chrysalis was laughing her plot off. “Your mind is SO bad at imaginary scenarios! ‘And then Shining Armor was a zombie,’ what the hell kind of twist is that? Was that the best you could come up with?” “Hey, as I recall, you thought of that brainwashing scenario, didn’t you? So it’s as much your fault as it is mine!” Chrysalis briefly appeared to be abashed, but cleared her throat to hide it. “Anyway, Shining Armor, don’t you want to see your own child?” Before he could say no, she pulled something out of nowhere and handed it to him. Shining Armor looked at the object in his hooves. It was dark green with black splotches on it, which bore a suspicious resemblance towards Chrysalis’ colour scheme. “So changelings lay eggs?” “Well, as the hive queen it is my responsibility to lay eggs, but other changelings can lay eggs in a pinch.” Chrysalis looked at him. “Isn’t it much easier to take care of than a regular foal?” As Shining Armor took it, he opened his mouth. “How do you we know that this egg isn’t just a regular Changeling egg? For all we know, this is all a scam to invade Equestria.” “You can look after the eggs then, if you want.” Shining Armor looked at it, then at Cadence. “Would you mind if I looked after this changeling egg, Cady?” He asked, putting on his puppy-eyed expression. Princess Cadence briefly wanted to say no, but a part of her was genuinely curious to see what the egg would hatch into. “Alright, you can look after it until it hatches.” Shining Armor grinned, then something in the back of his mind nudged him about the conversation. Wait, she said, “You can look after the eggs...” Does that mean- “How many eggs did you have?” Chrysalis blinked. “300, why? I thought that ponies had that many as well as me.” Everypony in the room except for Chrysalis blinked. Then Shining Armor and Cadence screamed in unison at Chrysalis. “WHAT?” “SHINING ARMOR HAD 300 FOALS WITH YOU?” Spike, who had only assumed that Shining Armor had only had one foal, was speechless over this development. They then grabbed Twilight Sparkle. “Is it possible for her to lay 300 eggs in a week?” Twilight looked shifty. “I’m just going to make a guess here- since Chrysalis is more of an insect than a pony, then as the hive queen, she could lay a lot of eggs in that short time frame.” As Shining Armor sank into despair over having had 300 half-changeling foals, Private Lotus Eater finally worked up the nerve to speak. “Captain Shining Armor, permission to speak, sir!” he nodded, and Lotus Eater continued. “Sir, you are a player, if you don’t mind that.” It was this innocuous sentence that finally broke Shining Armor, who fainted from the sheer shock. Cadence and Twilight glared at him. “Did I say something wrong?”
