Cards against Humanity

by TheKing2001

Rating: mature
Tags: Raindrops, Narcotics, Lyra, Romance, Drama, Fetish, Comedy, Bon-Bon, Equestria Girls, Derpy Hooves, Violence, Sex, Sunset Shimmer, Profanity
Length: 2625

Sunset introduces her friends to a new game shes been wanting to show them.

After being abandoned by her former friend group after a problem causing most of the school to turn against her, Sunset was sought out by a new group of people wanting to be friends. A few months later, Sunset has a sleepover at her girlfriends house and decides to introduce them all to a game she loves. There's actually no drugs, suicide or self harm or death etc, the tags are there because of the cards that might have those topics.

Published 2023-02-24 00:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2023-02-25 00:37:38 UTC

Round One

"So, what's this game you wanted to show us?", Bon Bon asked,plopping down onto Derpys bed next to Lyra.

"Cards against Humanity", Sunset replied after stealing some popcorn from Vinyls bowl and tossing it in her mouth.

"I've heard of this game, I think. Gets pretty damn wild", Vinyl said smirking.

"That it does, that it does", Sunset said laughing.

Derpy pushed open her bedroom door, carrying boxes of donuts, Octavia and Raindrops following, each carrying bags of chips and pop and other various foods.

Sunset jumped up,"Do you need help with any of that love", she asked Derpy who shook her head with smile.

"I think I got it," Derpy replied.

"Didja get my sour gummy worms", Vinyl asked eagerly. She received a bag hitting her in the face, knocking her over.

"You could have just handed them to me, Tavi," Vinyl grumbled, ripping open the bag.

"And where is the fun in that?", Octavia replied.

Raindrops looked around Derpys room at her friend's, Lyra laying her head on Bon Bon's lap, playing on her phone, Vinyl tossing gummy worms into her mouth while Derpy and Octavia started setting the snacks down around the room.

"So did we miss anything?", Octavia asked, finishing helping Derpy with the food.

"Sunset wants to play a card game, Humanity against Cards or something", Lyra replied nonchalantly, continuing to play a music game on her phone.

"Cards against Humanity", Sunset corrected. "And yes, I think you all will enjoy it, especially Lyra and Vinyl".

"Fuck it, why not I'm in", Raindrops said after sitting down next the outlet in the wall, struggling to get her charger cord plugged into the charging block. "Why are these damn things so annoying", she grumbled.

"Really dear, is that language necessary", Octavia glared at Raindrops.

"Please Tavi, don't act like you've never sworn before", Vinyl scoffed rolling her eyes.

"I haven't!", the other girl replied indignantly.

"That's not what I heard the other night", Vinyl retorted smirking.

"Ooh what happened the other night?", Bon Bon teased, putting her book down and raised an eyebrow at the two girls, smiling.

"Nothing at all happened, I just-", Octavia tried to say before Vinyl interrupted her. "She broke a cello string while trying to play and yelled son of a bitch loud enough for everyone in the house to hear", Vinyl chuckled.

"I've done it!", Raindrops yelled excitedly after getting her charger to plug together. She turned bright red when she saw all the girls looking at her. "Are we gonna play this card game or are we just gonna talk about random stuff all night?", she asked Sunset, in an attempt to get the attention off of her.

"Yes, I was gonna get the deck right now, they are in my backpack in the living room", Sunset answered. "I'll be right back". She got up and disappeared into the hallway.

"So Derpy", Octavia turned her attention to her friend, who busy eating a blueberry muffin. "How are you and Sunset doing?".

Derpy, got off guard, turned slightly red while trying to swallow a bit of muffin, "We're doing all right", she replied shyly.

"Good, I'm glad to hear that", Octavia nodded happily for her friend.

"Has any of her former friends tried to contact her recently?, Raindrops inquired, staring at Derpy.

"Not to my knowledge, they haven't", Derpy replied, rubbing her chin in thought. "Fluttershy tried to a few weeks ago saying she was super sorry and wanted her to call her, Sunset just straight up blocked her Hoofbook account".

"Well the girl has been through enough damn drama as is", Bon Bon spoke up, having picked up her romance novel again. "They should respect her space and wishes, especially after what they all did".

All the girls in the room nodded, while Raindrops reached for a chocolate donut.

"All right I'm back took longer to find the deck than I expected", Sunset announced while popping back into the room.

"About time", Vinyl rolled her eyes. "I've been here for ageeees."

"Vinyl, you've been here for three hours", Octavia pointed out.

"Exactly! Ages, I'm telling ya", Vinyl retorted sticking her tongue out at Octavia.

"All right, we all gotta get in a circle to play this. We each get eight cards because I like even numbers", Sunset begain to explain as the others formed a circle, as she began to pass out cards around the circle. "So each person will take a turn reading from a black card that has a prompt on it and the ones who arent reading a prompt has to pick the funniest answer from their hand of cards", she continued, tapping on a deck of black cards she set on the floor. "Who ever had the most Awesome Points at the end of the game is the winner".

"Sounds easy enough", Bon Bon commented, while the others nodded.

"Who goes first?", Derpy asked.

"Raindrops can go first I guess", Sunset replied while the girl she mentioned nodded her agreement.

Raindrops reached out and picked up a black card and began to read," Blank, kid tested and mother approved".

"Alright now close you eyes so you can't see who puts down a card and we will tell you when to open", Sunset instructed while Raindrops closed her eyes.

After looking over their cards and hearing Lyra and Vinyl snickering at the cards in their hand, each girl slide over a card and Raindrops was told to open her eyes.

"Alright, first card says, that ass, kid tested and mother approved", Raindrops read.

"That was fucking lame", Vinyl cut in.

"Next card says, jumping on a homeless womens structure till it collapses, kid tested and mother approved", Raindrops laughed quietly to herself.

"Puberty, kid tested and mother approved ", Raindrops rolled her eyes. "What fucking mother approves of puberty, that shit is the worst".

"I haven't got the faintest clue", Octavia said, looking away.

"Two midgets shitting in a bucket, kid tested and mother approved", Raindrops snorted out laughing.

"What the fuck", Sunset burst out laughing choking on a donut.

"Actually getting shot for real, kid tested and mother approved", Raindrops read.

"Stomping on a quails spinal cord, kid tested and mother approved", Raindrops coughed out. "That's awful". "Gandalf, kid tested and mother approved". She finished off reading the cards placed in front of her.

"I feel the jumping on on a homeless womens structure till it collapses, kid tested and mother approved is the funniest, who had that card?"

Lyra raised her hand while Raindrops slid the card over to her. "Good round", Sunset commented. "You have one Awesome Point,Lyra".

"I gotta take a piss", Vinyl said and abruptly stood up and headed for the door.

"Thanks for sharing", Bon Bon said dryly.

"Alright I guess we can take a quick break while we wait for her to return", Sunset commented.

"Raindrops, why couldn't Cloudkicker join us?",Octavia questioned the girl sitting across from her. "She's visiting her dad in Maretropolis, she'll be back next week" the yellow girl replied.

Raindrops and Cloudkicker have been dating for a few months and were among the most well liked couple of canterlot high school alongside Lyra and Bon Bon. The four of them did everything together and it hurt Raindrops to be playing a game she knew her vulgar girlfriend would have loved but she knew there was always more opportunities in the future. The only two who weren't dating(according to everyone except Derpy) was Vinyl and Octavia but she knew better after they secretly confided in her. She hated to keep any secrets from her friends, especially Sunset but she was a loyal friend and knew they'd tell the others when they were ready.

Derpy and Raindrops were pulled out of their musings by Lyra yelling their names.

"Sorry what I wasn't paying attention," Derpy said sheepishly.

"Bon Bon asked you two to pass her the sprite, like five times", Lyra said.

"Oh sorry", Raindrops said, handing a two liter over to the cream colored girl.

"Thank you, thank you", Bon Bon smiled and took a sip.

Author's Note

Alright, I'll keep score of Awesome Points down here.
Lyra: One
BonBon: Zero
Sunset: Zero
Derpy: Zero
Raindrops: Zero
Vinyl: Zero
Octavia: Zero

Round Two

Vinyl plopped down on the floor next to Octavia and stealing a drink of her tea, making a grossed out face.

"Did you wipe?", Bon Bon asked.

"Yes", Vinyl replied.

"And did you wash your hands?", Octavia questioned, smirking.

Glaring at Octavia, Vinyl replied with a curt yes.

"And did you flush?", Lyra joined in snickering softly.

"For God's sake, I wiped, I flushed and I washed my hands with soap", Vinyl snapped.

"Hey Vinyl", Derpy spoke up, "you have some toilet paper stuck to your boot".

Vinyl, confused, glanced down in confusion.

"Gotcha" Derpy smiled triumphantly.

All the girls in the room stared in surprise before bursting out laughing. "Good one Derps", Lyra laughed loudly, reaching over and patting the grey girl on the shoulder.

Vinyl grudgingly nodded, letting a smile slip.

"It's my turn correct?, Lyra questioned Sunset, who nodded, happily eating a glazed donut, leaning into Derpy who smiled at the red haired girl contently.

Lyra picked up a black card and began to read. "In the seventh circle of Hell, sinners must endure blank for all eternity". Closing her eyes and placing the card down, Lyra patiently waited.

"Alright, you can open your eyes now", Bon Bon said.

Lyra picked up a white card and started reading, "In the seventh circle of Hell, sinners must endure Jafar for all eternity".

Derpy and Octavia laughed softly at that.

"In the seventh circle of Hell, sinners must endure velcro all eternity". Lyra rolled her eyes. "That's a lame card".

Picking up the next card, she continued. " in the seventh circle of Hell, sinners must endure Boris the Soviet Love Hammer for all eternity".

"Who the heck is Boris?", Vinyl cut in.

"Well, if you paid attention to me telling you about it last month in class instead of listening to what you call music or sleeping, you'd know who he is", Sunset piped in, rolling her eyes dramatically.

"I have enough lectures from teachers no offense", Vinyl said tossing her hands up in the air. "It's more fun to listen to music".

"If you two are done, I got more cards to read", Lyra said waving a white card at the two girls. Sunset waved her hand for the mint girl to continue reading.

"In the seventh circle of Hell, sinners must endure the milk that comes out of a person for all eternity", Lyra looked at Bon Bon thoughtfully. "What do you think that means?"

"I have no clue", Bon Bon said, staring in confusion at her partner.

"Maybe the card means breast feeding", Raindrops mused. "It does say milk that comes out of a person, milk comes out of a women's breast for a newborns nurturing."

Octavia nodded, "Maybe".

"Or it could mean sperm from a man", Sunset cut in with her opinion. "Some weirdos call cum milk or well some of the guys I knew back in Equestria called it that. I never did find out why".

"In the seventh circle of Hell, sinners must endure our mutual friend Brad for all eternity", Lyra continued with reading the cards. "That's kinda lame, I thought this game was wild, Vin?"

"Well it is. Some cards are shitty, some cards are better than others. It's a mixed bag what you get really", the DJ replied.

"Yeah", Sunset cut in. "It's all random and chance, I remember one card almost made Rarity and Flash vomit".

"Sounds like a lovely time", Octavia commented, rolling her eyes.

"Yeah", Sunset said sadly, "it was for a while", while a grey hand fell on her shoulder comfortingly. "Anyway," she spoke her head and forced a smile," let's keep going".

Lyra nodded quickly, eager to change the topic to keep her friend comfortable. "In the seventh circle of Hell, sinners must endure a boo-boo for all eternity, that was a okayish card i guess".

Picking up the next card and glancing at it, Lyra burst out laughing while her friends looked on.

"Uhm, Lyra dear are you gonna tell us what's so funny?, Octavia questioned nervously.

"Just this card", Lyra continued laughing. "You and Bon Bon aren't gonna like it but the others will".

Vinyl, getting tired of the suspense, "Well read the damn thing already, I hate waiting".

Lyra smiled, "In the seventh circle of Hell, sinners must endure a phantasmagoria of anal delights". Lyra burst out laughing again while Vinyl and Sunset joined in.

Octavia's face turned slightly green and Raindrops chuckled at her expression."You good there, Octavia?" She questioned the girl.

"Y-yeah, I'm okay just shocked is all", she replied.

"Alright, the anal delight wins, who had that card?", Lyra questioned smiling

Bon Bon nervously raised her hand and Lyra stared in surprise. "Wow, I didn't see that coming", she commented sliding the black card to the cream girl. "Good job Bonnie".

"Thanks Ly", she replied shyly, smiling at her girlfriends facial expression.

"Good job", Derpy smiled. "We made a mess of this room, we should probably clean up before we continue playing".

"Well, we were gonna make a mess of this room tonight anyway", Sunset teased, making the grey girl blush. The others stared in surprise, while Vinyl and Lyra started laughing. "I think I didn't need to know that information", Octavia commented.

Vinyl rolled her eyes, smirking. "We all knew they were dating, I think we all knew they went to the next step so".

"I'm gonna get some trash bags for the mess", Derpy stood up quickly, blushing and brushing some crumbs of muffins off her skirt. She bolted for the door while Sunset laughed.

"So Raindrops," Octavia focused on the yellow girl, leaning forward. "When did you and Cloudkicker meet?"

"We met in middleschool", Raindrops answered. "I was staying after for photography club, it was gonna be a big rainstorm. I love rainy weather and saw an opportunity to get some amazing pictures of the clouds and other stuff. One day, this girl comes into the classroom we used to put our photos from the camera onto the computers and sits down at a computer in the back corner".

"I remember that", Bon Bon interjected, "she was super shy for the longest. I think you're the first person she spoke to outside of the teachers"

Raindrops nodded amd continued," Anyway a few days later, she sits down next to me and asks for help getting photography and such. I answer all her questions, show the cameras how to use them and how to move photos over to the computers. We were friends till freshman year and then she randomly asked me out for coffee on a week end and here we are now".

Derpy, having returned in middle of the story started picking some trash and putting them in a bag. "She's super nice, surprised me not gonna lie, everyone always bullied me for my eye being messed up except you guys. I was pleasantly surprised. Taught me to never read a book by its cover"

Author's Note

Alright, so that's the second chapter done. I wanted to give Raindrops a little bit more backstory since there's not many stories of her on here. She's gonna be playing bigger roles in the prequels and such when this is completed. I figured about eight chapters or so, allowing each girl to go once or maybe do more than one round each chapter.
Lyra: One
BonBon: One
Sunset: Zero
Derpy: Zero
Raindrops: Zero
Vinyl: Zero
Octavia: Zero