Non-Funnable Tokens (Flanksy Sprays for NFTs)

by Mockingbirb

Rating: teen
Tags: Main 7 (EqG), Slice of Life, Sex, Sunset Shimmer, Twilight Sparkle (EqG), Other, Equestria Girls, Science Fiction, Comedy
Length: 1465

The trouble with Sunset's 'Flanksy' graffiti art is, vandalism doesn't belong to the artist. So Twilight comes up with a scheme to sell things you don't own and don't have. It uses computers and the interneight!

The trouble with Sunset's 'Flanksy' graffiti art is, vandalism doesn't belong to the artist.

So Twilight comes up with a scheme to sell things you don't own and don't have. It uses computers and the interneight!

(For the Cryptocurrency / NFT / Bitcoin mocking and satire group.)

#flanksy #cryptocurrency #crypto #scam #oops

Published 2023-02-26 00:10:00 UTC
Last updated 2023-02-26 00:10:00 UTC

Let Us Spray

"PSSSSSSST!" a spraycan hissed. In the dim light of dawn, a mysterious figure sprayed graffiti across the front of Canterlot High School. "PSST! PSSSSST!"

Rainbow wasn't sure what to think. On the one hand, this was one sick mural of a raging horse. On the other hand, she was sure Principal Celestia and Vice-Principal Luna would be upset to find graffiti three stories tall slathered across the front of their school.

The figure turned around. "Oh! Hi, Rainbow. This next part is a bit tricky. Hold the ladder for me?"

"Sunset!"

"Yes?"

"Aren't you afraid you'll get in trouble?"

Sunset shrugged. "This paint washes right off. I'm not worried about getting detention, I just worry about the weather forecast. I don't want my new mural to go down the drain before Monday morning."

"Um...ok, I'll hold the ladder."

"Thanks, Rainbow!"

***

The next day, Rainbow and her friends ate lunch together. Rainbow whispered, "Sunset, you're sure a good artist."

Sunset said, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"I mean, you should be rich and famous!"

"Hmmph. Rich and famous how?"

"Your graffiti is really sick! You should sell enormous paintings!"

"Rainbow, let me tell you a secret. I have...a very special creative process. I can't just open it up like a faucet. I have to be inspired. I need the right environment, the right situation, the right INspiration--"

"What she means is," Fluttershy whispered, "she has to be sneaking around like an outlaw in the darkness. If you give her a beautiful studio with perfect lighting and a big canvas, she can't do it. She can only do her best when she's vandalizing something that doesn't belong to her."

Rainbow snorted. "So what you're saying is, Sunset can only paint if she isn't supposed to, and the art will belong to someone else."

"Exactly," Fluttershy agreed.

"That sucks. If only there was some way she could make art AND be able to sell it."

Twilight held up her mobile phone. "Yes, if only."

Rainbow looked at the screen. "What's this? 'Non-Funnable Tokens?'

"Yes. It's something I invented the other day, just to help Sunset. You can take photographs of something that doesn't belong to you, upload the pictures to the interneight, and sell them as tokens."

Applejack scoffed, "So you can sell something that doesn't belong to you? This sounds an awful lot like that cryptocurrency hogwash. Twilight, I never thought you'd get involved in that sort of thing."

"Why not?" Twilight asked.

"Well...for starters, most cryptocurrency stuff is full of scams."

"You mean, like 'crypto exchanges' that get all your coins stolen out of them, or just steal your money themselves? Or pyramid schemes and tulip bubbles that leave regular people holding an empty bag of nothing? Or when cryptocurrency is used mostly so hackers who've stolen your data can charge you a ransom to get it back?"

"Yes. All of that."

"You're right!" Twilight said. "Cryptocurrency is utter garbage, the filth of the interneight. It's even worse than fake porn of innocent high school girls having sex with ponies."

"Um..." Fluttershy blushed. She whispered shyly, "If you mean the erotic photography calendar to raise money for the animal shelter, that isn't fake. Also, I'm eighteen years old so it isn't illegal. And you can't see any of our naughty parts, or even my face, just my hair, so you don't really know if that's me in those pictures."

Seeming not to notice Fluttershy's whispers, Twilight said, "That's why my Non-Funnable Tokens don't USE cryptocurrency. Instead they're just a mobile app you can install on your phone. It works as an augmented reality system AND as VR. If you buy a Non-Funnable Token, a portion of your payment goes straight to the artist!"

"Twilight!" Applejack gasped. "You're payin' vandals MONEY for makin' messes? That's like...rewardin' criminals for their crimes."

"I prefer to call it Virtual Graffiti as a Service: VGraffS. See, it even has a cute giraffe logo Sunset painted for it. She sprayed it on the side of someone's house."

Pinkie narrowed her eyes. "Where was that photo taken?"

"It's what the back side of your house looks like now, Pinkie. I guess you haven't taken out the trash yet this week."

"I've been busy!" she squealed. "I've had SO MUCH baking to do." She narrowed her eyes again. "I was SURE this Non-Funnable Tokens idea was no good the first time Twilight told me about it, when I found out NFTs of cupcakes wouldn't taste good and people couldn't eat them. And this just PROVES I was right. NO FUN AT ALL."

Sunset said, "I'm sorry, Pinkie. But when it rains later this week, the mural should wash right off, and your house should be fine."

"Still don't like it. You should ask permission before using someone's house as a giant billboard."

"I'm sorry. My creative process doesn't work like that. I can only find inspiration in being a bad girl who breaks the rules."

"But look!" Twilight said. "I made an NFT of the back side of your house BEFORE Sunset did the giraffe art." She held up her phone, tilting it in different directions to show views of the gray and pink house from different angles. "So until the next time it rains, you can just look at this and PRETEND your house hasn't been vandalized. Here, I'll even send you a copy of the NFT for yourself, no charge!" A moment later, Pinkie's phone played the first few bars of the "Ketchup Song" as a new message arrived.

Pinkie squinted. "That paint had better really wash off, you two criminals. I'll be watching you." She pointed at her own eyes, then at Sunset and Twilight.

"Well," Rainbow laughed nervously. "This sure has been...an exciting day so far."

***

The next morning, as students walked towards Canterlot High, Applejack caught up with Sunset and Twilight. She pointed at the school, where the mural was now gone. "Ah sure am relieved to see the rain-removable paint really worked. Ah thought, what if Flim and Flam had scammed you by sellin' you regular paint, usin' fake names an' wearin' disguises." She laughed. "Good thing you listened last time Ah warned you about those two."

"This is terrible!" Twilight moaned. "Absolutely terrible!"

"What's wrong? Didn't you two WANT the mural to wash away?"

"It's not that," Sunset said. "The Non-Fungible Tokens crypto market crashed, just like the cryptocurrency market did."

"What? But weren't you two smart enough not to get involved in crypto money stuff? Even AH told you that stuff was fake beans. Ah can't believe you two got involved in it."

"Oh, we didn't invest anything in Non-Fungible Tokens," Twilight said. "At least, not directly."

"What are you tryin' to tell me here?"

Sunset sighed. "Our Non-Funnable Tokens aren't a scam, and nothing's wrong with them. They still work. But somone else made something completely different, and called it Non-FUNGIBLE Tokens. Their thing is different, but the name sounds almost identical. It turns out, nearly everyone who bought Non-FUNNABLE Tokens thought they were buying the non-FUNGIBLE."

"So...they thought they were buying something that turned out to be a scam, but instead you sold them something that ISN'T a scam. Isn't that good? Shouldn't they be grateful you didn't scam them?"

"You'd think so. But when Twilight's VGraffS didn't go down in value to be completely worthless, the buyers finally noticed they'd bought the wrong thing. And Twilight has a very kind refund policy...so everyone returned their VGraffS for a refund."

"It was kind of disappointing," Twilight agreed.

"So...you saved a bunch of people from getting scammed, and they showed their appreciation by demanding refunds?"

"Yes," Sunset agreed. "I guess that sums it up."

Pinkie held up her phone between her eyes and CHS. "But at least I can still use Twilight's augmented reality app to see Sunset's mural on the side of the school. So it isn't all bad. I'll be able to see Sunset's beautiful art forever!"

Pinkie's phone said, "Operating system upgrade detected...installing...installed! You now have the latest version of Pondroid!"

The VGraffS app crashed. Pinkie poked at her phone with her fingers. "Twilight? Your VGraffS app doesn't work anymore." She shrugged. "Good thing I didn't pay anything for it and you gave me the tokens for free, so I don't have to bother to ask for a refund."

Sunset sighed. "I really should learn how to paint pictures that aren't illegal, and last longer than a week."

Author's Note

Please consider 'liking' this story by clicking the little 'thumbs' up' symbol, before you go and read a deeper, more poignant story about a graffiti artist who happens not to be Sunset (link).

"The Ketchup Song" is from a different story (link).