Warhorse

Chapters

Sunset doesn't have the energy for this crap
Slowly beginning to heal
Sunset tells the purple princess she's alive and they have a chat
Movie night
Nightmares and near death experiences
Lunar intervention
Hospital stay
Struggling to forgive
Issues
Sunset and Twilight have a heart-to-heart
Rarity and Sunset struggle to clean a fridge
Panicking over thinking you're going to be late for school is not fun
Stupidly difficult conversations with the principal
Things go horribly wrong
Gotta love reoccuring nightmares
Things get way worse
End of the line?
Yet another hospital stay
Freedom at last
A chat with the Pink One
First night over
A Celestial visitor
Celestia meets Celestia
Sunset really needs a power nap
Journal Entry 1: Sunset's presumed final words
Journal Entry 2: Twilight's response
Journal Entry 3: Twilight's increasingly frantic attempts to reach Sunset
Journal Entry 4: Sunset tells Twilight about her day

Sunset doesn't have the energy for this crap

I sigh and finish penning my final letter to my friend, I wipe my eyes hoping to prevent fresh tears from escaping. I close the journal and hold it in my hands as I stare at it, fighting to keep myself from throwing open the journal and begging Twilight to help me.

"I can't. It's too late." I say softly, speaking mainly to myself as there was nobody else in my apartment except for Ray, my eyes shut tightly as I choke back a pained sob.
I really was crying because I knew I'd be leaving Ray behind and that hurt much more than it should've, then again he is my pet and I love him.

I remember I was holding the journal when I feel the hard spine of the journal digging into my palm, the dull pain drags me back to the present for the moment, it didn't help me stop crying but it did help me in remembering what I needed to do and that it only made it harder to get myself under control.

My body was wracked with uncontrollable sobs for another half hour or so until I began to calm down, I was so tired and numb, I was so done, and yet I was still so very hurt. I suddenly became aware of how exhausted I was, "Tomorrow. I only have to wait until tomorrow." I sighed and got up, it took a lot of self control to ignore the buzzing of the journal in my hands as I went over to my desk and set it down, "Tomorrow."

My body carries me to my bed, I plop down and stare at the ceiling for a while before closing my eyes and falling into a bout of troubled sleep, and I vaguely remember waking up at least twice during the night in a cold sweat.
I don't remember what happened or how I managed to fall asleep again but I'm awoken to the sound of loud knocking assaulting my ears. I groan, rather frustrated with the rude awakening as I open one of my eyes and reach for my phone to check the time, my one open eye takes a moment to adjust to the light- or lack thereof- I bring my phone closer to my face and look at the time. It was five fifty two in the morning.

I can't help but feel incredibly agitated with the person who decided they wanted to visit ol' Sunny at six am, I lazily toss my phone somewhere on my bed and sit up.
I look around my dark room, it was the same as I left it unsurprisingly, then I hear another knock at the door and I remember why I was getting out of bed in the first place.
"Fuck! That's cold." I hiss the second my bare feet hit the freezing floor, I search for my slippers with my feet for a while before giving up and climbing down the loft, ending up in the main living area of my apartment.

I start making my way to the door, deciding to leave the lights off just in case it's someone I don't feel like speaking to, which is a lot of people considering it's six in the morning.
As I do my best to silently make my way to the door I notice the knocking intensifies, I noticed how panicked the knocking sounds and I wonder if there's been a murder or if some creepy guy is stalking a girl and she's trying to get away from him.

I feel around to make sure my door is chained before opening it, peaking my head around to see who the hell is at my door at six in the fucking morning The person at the door was Fluttershy and Rarity much to my shock and annoyance, I thought to myself "Of course they show up, really giving me a hard time now huh universe?"
"It's six in the morning, why are you here?" I ask coolly, trying to hide my frustration at the ungodly time that my visitors decided showing up at my house was appropriate.

They visibly perk up and Fluttershy opens her mouth to speak but Rarity beats her to it, "Sunset, darling I- I'm sorry we are here so early in the morning but we really must speak with you."

I stare at her for a brief moment, thinking about my next words very carefully, but alas the old lack of tact rears it's ugly head and ruins my plans, "It can wait until at least eight. Come back then."

As soon as I close the door I hear Fluttershy groan in frustration, can't say I blame her honestly, I assume Rarity woke her up and dragged her to my place. I chuckle and think that for someone who cares about her beauty sleep so much she sure does have a really shitty sleep schedule.
I start walking back deeper into my apartment when the obnoxious knocking resumes, I pinch the bridge of my nose and let go before taking a deep breath, "It's okay Sunset, ignore them and they'll go away. That usually works.."

Nope, that did not in fact work. Rarity was evidently an incredibly persistent woman and would not stop knocking for an hour, the entire time I sat on my couch trying to watch TV, the knocking quickly got on my last nerve and I got up suddenly, storming over to my door and unlocking the chain, I all but threw my door open in a not so subtle show of frustration, "Why. Do. You. Not. Understand. Come. Back. Later?"

Rarity blanches and Fluttershy is nowhere in sight, she probably went home when it was clear I was not going to be answering the door, good for her I guess.

"Please, Sunset it's important!" she pleads and I sigh, motioning for her to enter and waiting for her to do so before I shut the door gently.

I move over to the nearby lightswitch and flip a couple of them, bathing my apartment in a soft orange-ish light. I move and sit on my couch and she does the same, she looked visibly uneasy and I chalked it up to either guilt or the fact my apartment was a pigsty due to me falling into the mother of all depression slumps.

"Speak, what do you need to talk to me about?" I say with a frown, realizing what I said came out a little colder than I had intended.

She bites her lower lip, opening her mouth a few times with each time ending in her shutting her mouth again. It took a while before she actually did speak.

"I- Well- Mh.. Princess Twilight came through the portal at around two this morning panicking and yelling about you, she was inconsolable."

I felt my jaw drop slightly and then I remembered that I had written my last journal entry last night. I didn't know what to say so I remained quiet, watching the other girl in my apartment waiting for her to continue.
She took the hint and continued what she was saying, "She's incredibly worried about you darling-"

I put my hand up to stop her, "Don't call me 'darling'. You can tell Twilight I'm alright, and that I'm sorry for scaring her so badly. Now if that's all you can leave my house."

Rarity frowned and nodded, "Apologies dar- Sunset, before I go I'd like you to know I'm so sorry about what I did to you, it was incredibly unkind and I should have known better. I know words will never heal the hurt I've had my hand in causing but I want to apologize anyhow." the alabaster woman paused and looked like she was going to say something else but thought against it.

Guilt bubbled deep in my gut, I felt guilty for not wanting anything to do with the people who backstabbed me, I looked at her and gave her a curt nod before looking off just past her. "Mh.. Rarity?"

She looked at me, and even though I was looking past her I could see the faint traces of hope in her eyes, "Yes?" I took a breath and looked at her, "Thank you for.. Apologizing." I felt my chest tighten and tears start to well up in my eyes, "I wish you hadn't had to apologize, I w-wish Anon-A-Miss ha-had never happened."

The fashionista must've heard my voice start breaking since she came closer to me and wrapped me in a gentle hug, it was the first time someone had hugged me since the whole mess and the dam broke.
I started bawling into her shoulder as she rubbed my back and told me it'd be okay, I knew damn well it wasn't going to be okay but I appreciated her saying that I don't know how much time passed but I eventually stopped, I pulled away from Rarity and wiped my eyes, sniffling a few times. "I'm really sorry Rarity, I don't know what happened.."

Rarity rummaged around in her bag, offering me a handkerchief- which I graciously took-, "It's okay Sunset, you're hurting partly because of me. I'm so sorry, I wish I could go back so you could have at least one ally beside you. We put you through, pardon my language, living hell."

Before I could stop myself I let out a gentle chuckle, "It's okay, I use worse language daily. And you had no way of knowing it wasn't me, it would be something the old bitch me would do, though not as messy. I would totally be more subtle about it." I sniffled and dried my eyes with the handkerchief.

She sighed and nodded, "I know, even the old you wouldn't be so obvious I- I'm so sorry."

"Rarity. I forgive you, you've been forgiven since just after your sister and her friends confessed. I want to be friends again but.. I just.. I-" I took a shaky breath, my heart was pounding in my chest at the words I've decided I'm going to say next, "I'm trying- I- I'm having a hard time trusting you, the others have tried to text me but I just ignored them. You betrayed me. All of you did, and it hurts so much."

I couldn't see Rarity but I heard her shaky breaths and I felt so guilty, I wanted to scream at her and tell her it was all her fault, I wanted to cry my eyes out but at the same time I wanted her to wrap me in a hug and tell me it's going to be alright.

"I know, Sunset." She spoke uncharacteristically gently, "But might there be even the smallest chance we might one day begin to rebuild our broken friendship?"

My heart was screaming at me to say yes, but my mind was telling me that it was never going to work out, they betrayed me and don't deserve my friendship. I looked down at the handkerchief I was holding in my now balled fist, "I don't know Rarity, we'll see I guess."

There was a pregnant pause before I spoke up again, "You're going to be late for school, I don't want to be rude and kick you out but please don't get in trouble because of me."

She sniffled and nodded, "Thank you da- Sunset, goodness, I keep forgetting."

I chuckled at that, "Good luck with school, but you should remove your makeup, it looks like you put it on in the shower in the dark."

She laughed quietly, it was a really nice sound "Goodness, I'll have to hurry and reapply it at school if I have the time. Would you mind if I text you later just to check in on you?"

I smiled and shook my head no, "Not at all, it'd be nice to talk to someone other than a pizza delivery guy."
She smiled and got up, we didn't speak at all while she left my apartment and got in her car. I followed her to the door and waved as she pulled out of the parking lot, I quickly went back inside my home and closed the door, I still felt like utter shit and I wanted to die but I wanted to see if I could salvage my relationship with Rarity or not.

I chuckled and turned off the lights as the sunlight was now enough to light my home reasonably as long as I had the curtains open I climbed back up the loft and found my phone tossed haphazardly on my bed, I picked it up and checked the time.
"Eight oh two. Huh." I said softly, not really believing I'd spoken to Rarity for a whole hour. I shrugged and went back downstairs to make breakfast, feed Ray, and see if my boss had emailed me my new schedule or not.

Author's Note

Hi! Thanks for reading my story, I know it's not the best but this is my first fic I'm uploading to the public and I'd appreciate any constructive criticism. I plan on writing more but it's pretty late at night and I'm rather tired and if I don't finish my writing in one go I tend to forget about it and never finish it.

Anyways I'm rambling on, if you liked the story please tell me what you liked about it and if not please tell me what I could improve on!

Slowly beginning to heal

I got into bed at around nine at night after I had a short conversation with Rarity, she kept her word and texted me when she finished with her work and had dinner. I'm still struggling with the thought that she might really care, if I'm being honest I feel like she's using me for something but I just don't know what it is she wants.

I rolled onto my stomach and put my hand under my pillow, the cool side of the pillow felt so very amazing on my hand and I wished I could cool my whole body off quickly, I soon also started wishing the cool side of the pillow would stay cold.
I think to myself, chuckling at the notion of my rather simple desire "I could probably see if any magic would work to achieve that."
My body would not let me sleep so I eventually gave up and grabbed my phone, it was one in the morning and I had apparently been staring at the ceiling for four hours. I grumbled and rolled onto my left side after putting it down, I really didn't need to deal with shit while sleep deprived.

The journal starts buzzing and I perk up, I don't plan on going downstairs just yet but I'll read what Twilight wrote later this morning when I get at least a few hours of rest.
By the grace of whatever higher power is out there I manage to fall asleep, getting up at seven was torture due to my late bedtime though, that really sucked.

I wanted to go back to bed so badly, but I knew that if I didn't get my lazy ass up and ready then I'd be late for work and I can't afford to upset my boss.
I get out of bed and go downstairs to my bathroom, I took a quick 15 minute shower and did my usual morning routine quickly. My phone buzzes on the counter and I look over, my boss had texted me and I stopped what I was doing and went to go check.

Lo and behold there had been a fire in the restaurant next to the sushi place I worked at in the mall and the whole food court had been closed down as a result.
"Damn, I wonder how the fire started." I muse and put my phone back down on the counter so I could finish getting ready for the day.

Now that I had the day off and probably the next few days off as well I needed to figure out what to do with my time, I looked around my apartment and sighed, my apartment was a mess and I now knew what I'd be doing today. "Damn it."

I started cleaning my apartment, starting with the kitchen and slowly making my way through the various rooms in my apartment, the worst by far was my bedroom loft as it had dirty clothes piled everywhere and my sheets and blankets stank of sweat and depression.

I was nearly done cleaning when I heard my phone ring, I let my broom rest on a nearby wall and I went to go see who was calling me.
Unfortunately I just missed it and I unlocked the device to see who had been attempting to reach me.
To absolutely nobody's surprise it was Rarity, so I shot her a quick text basically saying to text me because I'm sort of distracted and it will be unlikely that I'd pick up the phone if someone called.

The broom fell over and I went to go pick it up and resume sweeping the ground floor, I was so close to being done with my chore and I just needed to sweep a small area next to my couch. Perks of not having a carpeted living room include not needing to vacuum, one of the downsides to it though was that the hardwood could get scratched pretty easily and look not very aesthetically pleasing.

I had eventually finished basic cleaning of my home and it looked pretty nice, it didn't look like a bunch of homeless people threw a party and trashed the place anymore.
I was proud of myself for making an effort to clean my living space but my self congratulations were interrupted by my phone buzzing, indicating that I had a new text to read, yay.

I promptly checked my phone and saw I had a new text message because of the chat bubble icon up at the top of my display, I tapped on the messaging app and saw it was a text from Rarity, I quickly read it.

'Sunset, I was wondering if you were open to having me and Fluttershy stop by so we could possibly talk.'

I stared at the message and frowned, I was trying to take it slow with speaking to Rarity as it was and I didn't want to start talking to the others just yet, hell, I didn't even know if I wanted to speak to the others like ever.

'Rarity, I uh- Nah. I'm open to you coming over yk? But just not the other so soon after shit hit the fan. Rmbr what I said when I said you girls really hurt me? I ment that shit' I tapped my reply and hit send, immediately seeing I made a typo, 'Meant.'

I sat on the couch and waited for her reply, I stared at my message and waited to see the telltale signs someone was typing, soon enough I saw those three little dots and my heart started pounding for reasons unknown to me, perhaps I think she's going to get angry?

'I understand. May I come over tomorrow to 'hang out', as they say?'

I release a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding, happy she wasn't angry with me. 'Sure, just don't show up at 2am or smthn. At least after 8am. :)' I chuckle and send my reply, I still didn't exactly trust her but I need to find out what she wants from me that's so important to her.

Her response doesn't take long to be sent; 'Of course not, I'm sorry I came to your place so early yesterday, I promise it won't happen again unless it's an emergency. I'll call you before I leave to make sure you're okay with me being at your house first.'

I hum and send her a thumbs up emoji, setting my phone down on the table I have next to my couch and getting up to go make myself something to eat and enjoy my day off.

I make myself a nice few blueberry buttermilk pancakes and a strawberry banana smoothie, I brought my breakfast to my couch because I wanted to watch TV and eat at the same time. My meal is nearly finished when I suddenly remember that I never wrote back to Twilight, I set my plate down on the couch cushion next to me and climb up to my loft.

I toss the journal onto my bed and grab a pen before tossing myself onto my bed, I giggle as I watch the journal bounce back onto the mattress. I surprised myself with that laugh since it shouldn't have been that amusing, but what the hell I needed all the happiness I could get at the moment so I didn't think much of it. I sighed and prepared for the worst, I still hoped for the best, but Twiggles had a tendency to freak out over nothing and I had given her a good reason to lose her shit. I open the journal and begin reading.

Sunset tells the purple princess she's alive and they have a chat

I read through her response and I tried to read a secondary message she sent as well, though I assume she was crying due to the tear stains and illegible writing.
What I could make out was that she was begging me to reply and writing my name over and over. I felt my chest tighten and I blinked back tears, I felt so incredibly guilty for making Twilight freak out so badly. I worried her enough that she came through the portal sobbing and from what Rarity told me; inconsolable.

My tears fell onto the journal's pages, no doubt giving away I was still alive if they appeared on her end as well. I closed the book and wiped my eyes on my sleeves.

"I need to do this, she needs to know I'm alive." I told myself semi-confidently, "I can do this."

I picked up the pen, opened the journal, and started writing my reply, I was only to write out 'I'm alive.' before Twilight noticed and started writing me rapidly, I could barely read it at first and I think she realized I likely couldn't understand her so she crossed out her words and started over.

'Sunset! Oh Celestia I was so worried!'

I frowned, I still felt awful and wanted to take a dirt nap but I decided I needed to soothe her for now.

'Sorry Twilight, I didn't mean to scare you so badly. Like I said I'm still alive, if that's what you were worrying about.'

'Are you okay? What's wrong Sunset? You're acting strange.'

'I'm fine Twi, I'm just exhausted right now.' Shit, she knew something was up.

'You're sure?'

'Is an elephant heavy?' I write, figuring her answer would be yes.

'Uh, yes. The largest male elephant can weigh up to fifteen thousand pounds. So yes, definitely heavy.'

"Hah, neeeeerd." I snort, "There's your answer Twi."

'Then there's your answer, like I said I'm just really tired right now. Not your fault, I just got some shi bad sleep. Also since when did you start researching elephants miss nerd princess?'

'Ah, get some sleep then Sunset. And to answer your question there was a project I was working on a while ago, it was more for fun than anything else and I needed the average elephant weight to compare.'

I start laughing, I mean of course Twilight would start a project that needed something like that, it was incredibly amusing and judging by my lack of response she must have figured out I was laughing at her.

'Hey! It was an important experiment, okay?'

I get myself under control enough to write back, just barely holding myself together.

'I'll bet, what was it you were running an experiment for anyhow?'

'I'll explain later Sunset, I just know you'll find it amusing. Now go sleep.'

'Yes mommy, I'll go be a good girl. I'll talk to you later, alright?'

'Good child. Take care Sunset, I'll write to you tomorrow.'

I notice she drew a sketch of her patting me on the head, I start laughing again as it was absolutely adorable.
I'm in a much better mood now thanks to Twilight, and I only hope she is as well. I close the book and put it and the pen I used back on my desk, I look at the clock that's also on my desk and it's only a little before noon.
I decide I want to get out of my apartment and do something other than go to work, and something from Sugarcube Corner sounds really good right now.

I get up and go grab my jacket, phone, and keys, oh, and money. Can't forget the money. I had completely forgotten about my pancakes that are sitting on my plate that I have since abandoned on my couch cushion.
I step out of my apartment and immediately feel the biting cold on my skin, it's only early January and it's still freezing cold out, I figure that it'll all be worth it when I get my hands on a delicious pastry or five and a nice hot cocoa.

I haul ass to the place I wanted to be, which was Sugarcube Corner, the café wasn't too busy. That was good since I was not in the mood to be dealing with the constant apologies of my classmates who made my life a living hell, wasn't my fault they didn't have a collective braincell to think 'hmm, Anon-A-Miss is suspicious, let's not ruin someone's mental health until we know for sure she did it!'.

I stifle a sigh and I get up to the end of the line, I am incredibly lucky that Pinkie isn't at the front dealing with the customers because if she was.. I'd turn right around and leave.
I get in line and wait patiently for my turn to order, luckily it didn't take too long and I soon got my chance to order my delicious delicious snacks.

"Hello! Welcome to Sugarcube-" Mrs. Cake looks up and sees me, the shock on her face was pretty funny, she quickly got herself under control and she smiled, "Hello dear, welcome back. Now what can I get'cha?"

"Uhm.. Hi, could I get three red velvet cupcakes? And a medium hot cocoa to-go please?"

The cyan woman nods, "Of course! That'll be eleven seventy-two for everything."

I nod and pull out the cash to pay her, I do so and step off to the side to wait for my order.

I hear the bell ring which indicated another person walked in, I wasn't really bothered by it until I heard someone call my name. Someone who wasn't Mr. or Mrs. Cake.
I turned around and was now face to face with Applejack.

"God dammit." I mumble, realizing it was stupid to come to the café during lunch time "What do you want Applejack?"

She fidgets and it takes her a hot second to talk, "I uhm, ah wanted to apologize for the way I've treated ya. It was mighty stupid of me to snap at ya without proper evidence."

I feel my anger rising, I need to get out of here before I cause a scene and get banned from the place. "Well bless your heart AJ, how mighty kind of you to apologize."

She blanches and takes the hint that I don't want to talk to her, or that's what I thought until she opened her mouth and started talking yet again.

"Ah just-"

I don't let her finish, instead my name gets called and I get my order, politely thank Mrs. Cake, and walk right out of the café, leaving the farmgirl and the rest of the Wondercolts who might've gotten the courage to try and talk to me behind.

Movie night

I race home for two reasons, one, to prevent Applejack from following me, and two, it was freezing and I may have underdressed a little bit.
Once I get inside I set the bag with my delicious cupcakes down on the nearest surface and I kick my shoes off. Well, I tried to kick my shoes off, I had to unzip the side of my boots before I was able to kick my shoes off. Once I got my shoes off I grab my food and move over to my couch, I plop down and immediately realized I sat on my pancakes that I totally forgot were there.

"Are you ffffff-" I stop myself mid swear and sigh, my treats will have to wait until I change my pants and throw away the food I sat in. I get up pick up the plate with my squished ass pancakes on it, I step on the lever to open my garbage can and scrape the pancakes into the garbage.

"At least it was almost done anyways, I'm not wasting much."
I put the plate in the sink and go up to my loft, I change into my PJs since I didn't plan on- Oh wait, Rarity was coming after school. I groan and change into slacks, less comfy than pajamas but it would be rude if I wore my PJs.

Thankfully I had managed to get my snacks and drink back to the couch safely and without further incident, I turned my TV on and channel surfed for a while. I decided on watching some cartoons since nobody was around to judge me, even if they were around I simply wouldn't've given a single fuck and still would watch my cartoons. I watched everything they were broadcasting until my phone buzzed, I grabbed it and checked my texts.

'Sunset, am I able to come over or is it a bad time?'

I don't hesitate in telling her she could come over, just to knock extra loud so I'd hear her since I'm watching TV and might not hear her.

I didn't bother responding when I heard the phone buzz again since I knew I'd be talking face to face with her pretty soon. I went back to watching whatever the cartoon channel was airing. I was having a lazy day I'd decided.

I continued watching TV until I heard the door get knocked on pretty loudly, it wasn't obnoxious like it was when she came over at six in the morning but it was loud enough that I could tell it was Rarity.
I eagerly got up and opened the door, allowing her entry.

"Good to see you Rarity." I smiled, I needed to find out what she was trying to get from me.

"And you Sunset. How have you been? It's only been a day since we've last spoken in person but some things happened at Sugarcube Corner I've heard, what happened dar-?"

"I ran into Applejack." I said simply, "And I don't mind if you call me darling, it doesn't get on my nerves since I consider you an acquaintance. I just don't like being called sh- things like that by strangers y'know?"

She nodded in understanding, "I assume she was one of the the last people you wanted to run into?"

"Mhm, unfortunately. She tried apologizing but I'm just.. Not ready to talk to her. Or the others. At all. The only people I'll talk to are you and maybe Fluttershy." I stressed the word 'maybe' to get the point across.

"Oh." She paused, "Well we should focus on the positives for now! I brought some cola, I know you liked the cherry flavor so I got a couple of cans for you."

I looked at her and cocked a brow, and despite myself I let a smile grace my features, "How'd you remember? That's impressive."

"I remember the little things darling!~" Rarity said in a singsong voice, "I was hoping you'd be open to watching a movie, your pick of course."

"Oh. Yeah! I've got a few, but I was wondering if you'd want to watch a musical instead. There's one called 'Ride the Typhoon' that's on Broadway on Command."

"Sure, I've actually been meaning to watch that for the past few months but my parents wouldn't allow me to get the app to stream it for whatever reason."

I shrug, since I wasn't Rarity's mother and I had no idea what she was thinking or why she wouldn't allow Rarity to get the streaming service. I navigate to the app using my TV remote and I search for the musical, I press play and we both shut up to watch the show.

I had a nice time watching it, and we spent hours watching movie after movie after the musical finished. By the time Rarity said she had to go home it was around six in the evening, it was honestly really nice and I'm starting to think that Rarity just might really want to be friends again.
I say goodbye to my sort of friend and see her off, I watch her until she gets into her car just to be extra safe. Once she pulls out of the lot I go back into the depths of my apartment and begin my night routine, I finish it relatively quickly and I decide I should go to bed early to catch up on the sleep I've missed due to my random insomnia.

My thoughts are replaying my little movie marathon with Rarity, searching for any sign of her being insincere but finding none, I climb up into the loft and then onto my bed and quickly get under the covers. I sigh and give into the thought that maybe they are truly sorry.

"Dammit." I mumble after I turn the lights off from my warm and safe space under the blankets.

"Make up your mind brain, do you want to be friends with them again or no?" I close my eyes and do my best to embrace sleep as it comes. Tomorrow's going to be interesting, I just know it.

Nightmares and near death experiences

Author's Note

❗❗ I would like to warn people before they read this chapter just in case they are not okay with semi-graphic suicide attempts that this chapter contains just that, it isn't very gory but if you are uncomfortable with suicide attempts in general I recommend you skip this chapter, you wouldn't be missing much but it may provide a bit of context as to what conversations in the next chapter may be referencing.

Nightmares and near death experiences

I had a nightmare, at first I didn't know I was dreaming and I was with princess Twilight in Canterlot. I didn't seem to notice that I had suddenly been brought back to Equestria, it was all normal to me in my dream.
She said that princess Celestia wished to speak with me, I was nervous about that but I couldn't just blow off the ruler of the nation. I was walking up to the throne room and there was something off about the look the guards were giving me, they looked sad, almost like they were watching someone walking to their execution that they knew was innocent.
Weren't they supposed to remain stoic at all times? What was going on here?

We got to the entrance to the throne room and Twilight couldn't look me in the eye, I asked her what was going on and she sadly said: "I'm sorry Sunset, I really did try to convince her. I did!"
I had no idea what she was talking about but I took a deep breath and thanked her, I entered the throne room and she was there.
I bowed and she told me to rise, when she spoke there was none of the usual warmth that would under normal circumstances be present.

"Sunset Shimmer. You have betrayed everypony who loves you." She began, her voice was ice cold and I immediately knew what this was about, she continued.

"I took you in as my student because I was hoping you would grow up to do great things for equine kind. But I was a fool to think that I could help you grow into a model young mare. You have committed treason, have attempted to murder Twilight Sparkle and her friends, and attempted to use an army of teenagers under your spell to overthrow me and my dear sister. I cannot forgive you, Sunset Shimmer, therefore I must condemn you to Tartarus for your crimes."

My legs were already shaking, I could barely stand due to how bad the shaking was. My throat felt so dry and I could not get my mouth to form the words that I so desperately wanted to speak.

I did, however, manage to croak out a pathetic sounding, "P-Please."

The solar princess wasn't looking at me anymore, "Guards, you know what to do. Escort Sunset to her cell in Tartarus."

At this point I fell to my haunches and I started sobbing, this was my worst fear and it was coming true, I just wanted her to be proud of me. I kept sobbing as the guards put an anti-magic ring on my horn and I cried out for her to please tell me that it was a cruel joke, I told her I was sorry over and over.
She simply looked away, she didn't even want to look at me. It hurt.

I kept crying out that I was sorry even as the guards were dragging me through the castle, I cried out to Twilight and her friends as they watched me with hateful eyes be dragged through the streets and thrown into the carriage that would bring me to where I would spend the rest of my existence.

I kept screaming until my throat gave out, and immediately after I couldn't scream any longer I woke up with a yell and I instantly noticed I was covered in sweat and I'd been crying in my sleep. I took several shaky breaths and looked to the clock on my desk, it was just after seven and the sun was starting to peek over the horizon.
I sat in bed for a while doing nothing besides thinking about that horrific nightmare.

After a few minutes I came to the conclusion that my subconscious was telling me I'd missed signals and they hadn't in fact forgiven me. My breaths were still shaky but I had calmed down somewhat, I had to end my life. I knew I had to, I simply had to figure out what method would be the most painless.

I got up and went about my morning routine sluggishly, I came up with an idea while I was in the shower. I would leap from the roof of CHS, if they hated me so much then I wanted them to see that I was dead, that I wouldn't be a burden to them any longer and they could throw their own 'Sunset's dead!!!' parties knowing that I was burning in hell.

My routine went a lot faster once I knew what I was going to do, I was oddly at peace the fact that I would be gone by sunset. Ironically my namesake was my favorite part of the day, the sky was always so beautiful at that time of evening. I went out to my living room and fed Ray two or three adult live crickets.

"I love you Ray, you know that? You really are my lil' Ray of sunshine."

He didn't respond, which was totally expected. I smiled at him and put my better leather jacket on, I pat my pocket to make sure I had everything I needed. Keys? Check. Phone? Check. School ID? Check.
I threw the journal into my backpack along with some other school books that I needed for the day and I left my apartment for the final time. I was going to walk to school today, mainly because I was going to be late if I tried to wait for the bus, and I didn't need to get chewed out by VP Luna for being late.

That woman scares me, she's the school's disciplinarian which should be expected of her to be intimidating, but I've seen her chase down boys and catch them incredibly quickly, that woman has superhuman powers sometimes I swear.

I hum and walk to school with a smile on my face, when I get to the front lawn I see some of the students stop what they're doing to look at me. I give them a quick wave and walk inside and to my locker, it was graffiti free which was incredibly nice and I had a few notes from various people telling me that they were so sorry and that they hoped one day I'd be able to forgive them.

I shrugged, I'd already forgiven them after the brats confessed, but forgiveness doesn't mean I want to be their friend again. I'm putting my shit away in my locker when I feel someone tap my shoulder, I spin around to see the terrifying woman herself in front of me.

"Oh, hello vice principal. Is there anything you need from me?" I ask, wondering if someone still held a grudge or didn't believe that the movie club were really the ones behind the social media account that tore the school apart.

Luna smiles and shakes her head no, "No miss Shimmer, in fact I was going to ask you if there was anything I could do for you to make your transition back to school a little easier. If you get overwhelmed anytime today I'm giving you a pass to skip your classes for the three days, it should be enough time to adjust back to your regular schedule. I'd like to apologize for not being able to help you during the.. Whole unfortunate social medial scandal. I failed my duty as an educator and as a person."

I felt a pang of guilt because Luna would be one of the last people- if not the last- to speak to me and I know she'd blame herself, I spoke in the context of two situations, one past and one future.

"Vice Principal it's not your fault personally, there's only so much you can do in that situation and I know you did what you could."

"I know, but I should let you get back to what you were doing. If you need anything you know me and my sister's doors are always open to you." And with that she turned and started walking down the hall, "Mr. Dumbbell stop running in the halls."

My task suddenly became incredibly difficult, I felt bile in the back of my throat but I swallowed and kept it down for the time being. I needed to hurry up before I chickened out.

I went to the girls bathroom and splashed my face with water, my mind replaying snippets of that nightmare on loop.

"I think my brain is attempting to murder me." I hissed, balling my hand into a fist and hitting the counter pretty hard, the pain that emanated from my semi-injured hand reminded me to never do that again.

The first bell rang and I took it as my que to get my ass to the roof asap, I power walked through the halls acting as I'm going to be late for class, instead I snuck up the flight of stairs and got myself into the pretty much abandoned area of the school.
Despite being in the clear for the most part I was still incredibly cautious. I was so close to that brittle metal door that held my freedom when someone suddenly grabbed my shoulder.

I tensed up and stood there until I heard the familiar voice of an old friend, he was the last person- well- being that I expected to bump into.

"Sunset? What are you doing up here?"

He let go and I turned around to face him, I am mildly surprised that he is in a janitor's uniform, but it's also unsurprising since nobody can predict Discord. If he wants to be a police officer.. He will be one.

"Discord! I- Um- I was getting some things so I could pull a bit of a prank on some students. What in Celestia's name are you doing here?"

I give him my best mischievous smile but I don't think he buys it, so maybe I'm just a little paranoid, he looked like he did though, but if he didn't he hid it incredibly well.

"Oooor~ Were you hiding some contraband in the school to smuggle to your buddies? C'mon I'm not one to judge, ya just gotta be honest. I was just checkin' in on you Sunburn, making sure you were behaving."

When I visibly relax I think he assumes that is what's happening and pats me on the back,

"Well I won't tell principal Celestia as long as it's not drugs or anything too bad, can't have my friend becoming a drug lord or lady now can I? Not sure she'd even listen to some random handsome man waltzing in and accusing her top student of drug dealing anywho."

I smile at him and shoot him the ol' finger guns in response.

"Pew pew."

Discord laughs pretty hard and disappears in a cloud of cotton candy smelling smoke, it made the whole corridor smell sweet and would no doubt attract attention and I did not want nor need to get caught when I was so close to carrying out my plan.

I drop my fake smile and continue on with what I was doing, I push open the old metal door and get onto the roof of the school. The roof of the school is hideous and is damaged pretty badly, but it is a roof and not a sidewalk and it wasn't meant for humans to walk around on unless for maintenance.

I look down at the front lawn and I notice the discolored concrete, it was pretty obvious where I got with the rainbow laser of friendship during the Fall Formal.

I cringed pretty hard and blushed in remembrance of the whole debacle, sweet Celestia I was an entitled bitch. I got closer to the edge, and take a deep breath. I could tell I'm beginning to chicken out and I mutter a few classical Equestrian curses that a historian taught me when I begged her to know the meaning, poor mare looked horrified that I had overheard her muttering.
I laugh quietly at the memory, I wish I could thank the mare for putting up with my entitlement, in fact I probably owe all of the castle staff a sincere apology.

I hear footsteps approaching the door to the roof and I realize I forgot to close the door and it's likely alerted someone that something isn't right. I turn around, my back is now towards the edge of the roof.

"I need to do this NOW." I scream mentally, I don't need to traumatize more people by forcing them to watch me die.

"Sunset? Oh my God!-"

I look at who's on the roof with me and my heart sinks to my feet, it's her counterpart.

Principal Celestia takes a few steps forward, trying to get close to me so she could pull me back. My hand goes up in a 'stay back!' motion, no doubt my eyes are wide as hell. I really didn't want to have to deal with the principal right now, but fuck my plans I guess.

"Don't." I snap, by now Luna and Ms. Inkwell are up here with me and they all look horrified.

"You can't. Just.. Go back inside."

"No. Sunset you need to-"

"Principal Celestia I'm not asking. Go. Back. Inside."

She shook her head no, "I'm not budging Sunset, please, we can talk about this and you don't need to harm yourself."

Ms. Inkwell is absent from the party of despair that is currently happening on the roof of the school, I heard her heels clicking on the school floor which signals that she went inside. Shit, she was going to call 911.

"I can't." I say weakly and I catch myself trembling, I'm scared and it probably shows on my face right now. Well to be fair I am pants shitting terrified.

"Sunset- Sunset please, you're a very intelligent young lady. There are so many people who care and are willing to help, I promise you will get the help you need." That wasn't Celestia, no, her lips weren't moving, that was VP Luna and her sister nodded in agreement.

I heard the sirens blaring in the distance, it sounded like it was coming closer and I knew I was out of time. I took a deep, shaky breath and I looked at them. "I'm s-sorry. You did everything you guys could, it's not your f-fault." I choke out and lean back, letting gravity take me.

I hear them both scream, it was such an ugly sound, full of horror and sadness. It was the most suffering that I've ever heard vocalized. I didn't get the chance to think on it too much because I hit the ground.

There was a few moments that I felt the worst pain I had ever felt, my whole body felt like I was stampeded by a herd of wild horses and for the few seconds that I was barely conscious I heard the wails of the heads of the school, and then that was it. I heard nothing, I was at peace, I knew that this was the end so I closed my eyes to make things easier on the paramedics.

I was finally free.

Lunar intervention

I woke up in a place that was surrounded by soft blue glowing stars, I had no clue where the fuck I was but I couldn't keep my eyes open for long enough to look around, each time I tried to open my eyes the light would make my already sore head ache even more. I let out a hiss of pain as I kept trying to keep my eyes open for longer and longer amounts of time. I gave up and kept my eyes closed until I heard a woman clear her throat.

"Sunset Shimmer?"

Oh. It was Vice-Principal Luna? If she was here with me then where am I? I'm dead, right? A groan escaped my lips, my eyes were still closed and I tried to focus on anything but the pain.
I moved my hand to my chest and felt for a heartbeat, but instead of skin I felt soft fur. My eyes shot open and I looked at my hand, my 'hand' was not my hand but instead a hoof and I was in fact, a pony. The realization made my head hurt even more and I looked around, I spotted the speaker the mystery voice belonged to and wow is she pretty.

"Yes, last- Ugh, ow- last time I checked I was still me." I tried to make a joke, I'm 90% sure it's going to fall flat unfortunately. I was still in a ton of pain and I'm trying to make a joke to someone who's space I probably invaded.

To my surprise the princess smiles, "Humor is a good way to cope. But I'm not here for a social call." she sighed, "Sunset you are in a place called the dream realm. I don't exactly know how you ended up here, but the last time a pony was in my realm it meant that they were at death's door."

My ears swiveled towards her as I listened, she had piqued my curiosity. "Dream realm? Oh.. OH.. Y-You're princess Luna! Twilight told me that you returned last year- I should've- I'm going to shut up now." I throw a hoof over my mouth, blushing in embarrassment at my little outburst.

Princess Luna actually laughed a little, "It's quite alright, I'm sure she's told you all about my embarrassing moments. Back to the business at hoof, you are close to death, would you care to enlighten me about it? My sister told me about you, and how she misses you greatly."

I felt my stupid heart break a little upon hearing the princess's words, "I- I did something incredibly stupid, b-but I-" I struggled to finish my sentence, it was incredibly difficult to tell a stranger my darkest thoughts, "I wanted to die, princess. I jumped off my school's roof and-"

I wasn't able to finish my sentence, the lunar princess wrapped me in her wings and told me it was okay to cry if I needed to. For the second time this week the dam broke and I sobbed my heart out, I screamed that I want to die, I wanted all my suffering to stop. She held onto me and rubbed my back as I cried into her barrel for what felt like hours.

I felt so stupid for breaking down in front of first off, someone who had betrayed me and put me in this stupid rut, and secondly, a princess who's life will always have more value than mine ever had.

"I'm sorry your majesty." I sniffle and wipe my eyes using the fur of my hoof instead of a sleeve.

The starry maned beauty didn't let me go, she kept her wings wrapped around me, "Sunset. It's not your fault, but is death really your escape? Do you truly want to leave your life and loved ones behind?"

I remained quiet as I thought, is this really what I wanted? I thought about Twilight and felt like I was about to cry again, my chest began heaving like I was attempting to hold back sobs.
I wanted to go live again, I wanted Twilight, I wanted Rarity, and most of all I wanted princess Celestia to tell me it was okay. I wanted to be okay. I started to cry for the second time in ten minutes, but I choked out a 'no' before I began to break down sobbing yet again.

Luna held me and let me let it out, I really appreciated her even though I was sort of unable to communicate that to her at the moment. After some more crying it died down to an occasional sniffle.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, "I just want my friends back but I don't fucking trust them anymore."

She let go of me and shuffled back a little, sitting down in front of me so we were maybe a foot apart, "I understand how you feel. Why do you feel you cannot trust them?"

"I- They threw me out the second things went wrong and it looked like I was the cause of it. Now they're trying to talk to me and be my friend again and I just- I just- I don't know."

"Have you thought that they felt they were wary of you after your reformation? That they felt the same way you do now?" She asked, gently taking my hoof in hers, "They gave you a second chance Sunset, it may seem impossible but I suggest you give them a second chance, and if they betray your trust again then you will know for certain that they are not your friends."

I nodded and took yet another shaky breath, "I suppose you're right princess. I'm just.. I don't know, scared. Really really fuckin' scared. I don't want to have my heart broken five times over again."

"I know Sunset, but you let them know that if they ever allow something like what happened to you ever repeat itself then you are out of there faster than they can say 'I'm sorry, wait!'."

"Heh, I guess so. Thank you princess. But if I'm here then isn't it already too late?"

She shook her head no and let go of my hoof, "It's never too late. But I need to know for certain that if I send you back that you will not end up back here. Are you positive you want to go back?"

I shook my head yes with conviction, "I do, princess. Before you send me back- Uhm.. Will I ever see you again?"

"Yes, I'll occasionally visit you in your dreams to check on you, and if you're ever in Canterlot be sure to either come say hello or if I'm asleep to leave a note." Luna smiled at me, "Are you ready to return? I have to warn you, some time has likely passed by now, I'm unsure if it's been hours or days."

I nodded and her horn lit up, her horn seemed to turn a blinding white, not her aura, her horn. I closed my eyes and used my hooves to cover my face, I felt like my very being was being dragged by some unknown entity. I felt like I was going through the portal to Equestria and I honestly thought I was for the few seconds before I blacked out.

Hospital stay

The first change in environment I noticed was the beeping of a heart monitor somewhere around me, I immediately knew I was in the hospital, the next sensation was the smell of the hospital. That instantly recognizable smell of disinfectant and whatever the hell they use with it.

I felt someone holding my hoof? No. My hand, I was back in my human body, someone was holding my hand but I didn't know who. My eyes fluttered open and the first thing that assaulted my eyes was the florescent light right above my head, I closed my eyes again and groaned loudly in a mixed attempt to catch somebody's attention and make it clear that the light hurt my eyes.

My body felt like I bellyflopped onto the floor from high up, which I totally did except I think I landed on my back, I groaned again and noticed that the hand that was holding mine had moved.

"Sunset- It's okay, I'm calling a nurse to come attend to you, okay darling?"

For some reason the fact that Rarity was the one that was there with me was oddly comforting, princess Luna was right, I know, I had been so mean to them after the CMC confessed. I pushed them away and screamed at them to leave me alone.

"Oh sweet merciful Celestia, I've been such a bitch." I thought, I immediately missed Rarity's hand holding mine and I made a pretty futile attempt to reach out for her.

"Mmmhf.." I tried to speak and became painfully aware that there as some sort of tube down my throat, "Mmg ghmhh."

"Don't talk darling, the nurses will be here soon, okay?"

"Mmh khm."

I laid there with my eyes shut, I did hear Rarity moving back to my side and I felt her hand hold mine. I instantly gave her hand a gentle squeeze and whined softly, the foreign object down my throat was incredibly uncomfortable and I hated it so much.

Two nurses enter my room a few minutes later, I am made aware by them announcing their presences and coming over, I yet again attempted to open my eyes but the light above my head told me to go fuck myself yet again.
I grunted in frustration and tried to motion to the light. Thank Celestia one of them got the hint and turned off the overhead light so I could finally open my eyes and look around from my position on my back.

Yep. Definitely in the hospital. I sighed internally, this shit was going to be wild and I wasn't looking forward to it. The nurses kindly explained that I had been in a coma for nearly two weeks and they had to intubate me to make sure I was breathing while I was out, and that they were going to extubate me, also known as pulling the tube they shoved right down my throat out.

If I could speak or if any of my former friends were here, sans Rarity because I consider her a friend and I owe her an apology for the way I've treated her recently, I am certain either Pinkie or Rainbow would have made a dirty joke.

I hated how I was constantly gagging as they pulled the tube out, I also hated how long it took for them to get the damn thing out, but as soon as they did they put an oxygen mask on me to help me breathe better?
I don't really know, I'm not a doctor but it's what I put together because I had to be intubated in the first place.
Once I had a moment to myself I thought about what princess Luna said, how the fuck did she know what happened? Did Twilight tell her? If Luna knows then does Celestia know now too? Would Luna tell her?

"Oh fuck me. I've got to ask Twilight about that." I murmur and sit up, totally forgetting that Rarity was sitting nearby.

"Ask her about what?"

I jump and look up at her, "Hooooly shit you were so quiet- I.. Uh.. I have to ask Twilight about something er.. Maybe a little personal."

She nods and walks over, taking my hand in hers so gently one might think I was a frail old woman, "Sunset I.. I just.. Goodness.. You really worried me, and the others but I know you don't want to hear about them right now. But you scared everyone."

I look at her and notice she looks a mess, her hair is slightly disheveled and her mascara is running, her eyes were also red, it was a dead giveaway she had been crying. I give her hand a light squeeze and my breath hitches, I fight back tears, I refuse to break down when she clearly needs comfort.

"Rarity." I say as firmly as I could without being mean, "I'm sorry, not just for this but for how I've been treating you recently. I owe you and Applejack an apology, not just an 'I'm sorry', but a genuine apology. I've been such a bitch to you and her, I'm hurt by the whole Anon-A-Miss mess but it isn't an excuse to be so mean."

"No. Sunset we were cruel, downright evil to you. You have every right to be angry, it's righteous anger. You were betrayed by the people you thought were your best friends, if I were in your shoes I doubt I would be alive right now. You are a very strong woman, darling. You're much stronger and smarter than you give yourself credit for. And I understand you may never fully trust me again, but I am hoping we could at the very least mend things a little bit and you can consider me a friend one day."

Rarity's little speech left me quite literally speechless, this whole time I had been assuming this whole time she was trying to get close to me to use me for something, but I was wrong, I was so very wrong, it genuinely seemed like she cared and I felt my eyes start to water.

"I.. Oh gosh Rarity I don't know what to say."

She squeezed my hand gently, "Don't say anything if you don't know darling."

I gave her a little nod, "It's going to take a lot of time but I think I want to start mending our broken friendships, not only with you but with the girls as well."

I look at Rarity and I can see the joy in her eyes, and on her face, it made me feel a little better about my decision to try to rekindle my friendships.

"But. If anything like Anon-A-Miss happens again and you all throw me out again I will not be taking you all back and we will be done for good. I'm taking a risk by trying to mend things with you girls and I only hope I'm making the right choice." I say firmly, I'm not going to put myself through that hell again, I simply refuse to.

She nodded, "Darling, I'm a lot wiser now, and I truly believe the others are as well, if any of the girls even suggest doing something like that to you again they will never hear the end of it. I promise."

My hand slips from hers and I nod, "Okay. I'm going to hold you to that."

I glance at the clock and notice it's seven forty-three and if I'm remembering correctly visiting hours end soon, I don't want Rarity to go but I don't want her to get in trouble on my behalf.

"It's almost eight, I don't want you to go Rarity but you're going to get kicked out soon."

I hear a sigh, "I know, I'll be back tomorrow I promise. If you want I could bring one of the girls, all you have to say is who you'd like to see."

"Thank you Rarity, if it isn't too much trouble I'd like to talk to Fluttershy first."

She nods and goes to collect her things, "Good night Sunset."

I smile at her, "G'night Rares."

She smiles upon hearing her nickname and she leaves the room, giving one final wave as she does so. My smile doesn't fade until a little after she's probably left the hospital building, I finally feel how sleepy I am, despite having just woken up from a coma I sure was damn tired.

Struggling to forgive

Apparently I fell asleep and didn't realize it since the sun woke me up by shining directly onto my face, I look around and remember I'm in the hospital. Right. So that wasn't just a bittersweet dream, I really am going to try to rekindle the friendships that were broken during AAM.
Despite having gotten a full night's rest I was still exhausted, something I chalked up to the side effects of coming out of a comatose state, I didn't really know but I figured I'd have time to ask questions to a nurse or doctor when they come check on me.
I look up to the clock on the wall and see that it's around eight thirty, I think that maybe I could go back to sleep for a while when I hear a knock on the door and a few seconds later a nurse comes in to check on me.

"How are you feeling today?" He asks, coming closer to take my vitals and provide comfort care, "Would you like the bed to be adjusted slightly or are you okay as you are?"

"I'm feeling.. Okay? I guess? My whole body is hurting pretty badly and I'm tired as all hell but I'm alive and that's good. And no thank you sir, I'm okay as I am right now."

"Of course, you've been in a comatose state for a while ma'am, and due to the nature of your injuries I'd suppose it'd be natural for your body to ache for a while. I could ask the doctor for some pain medication if you feel like you'd need it."

I shake my head no, even that basic motion hurts a little, "No thank you. I'll live and it's not like I'm going to be moving around and doing jumping jacks for a while."

The nurse laughs for a moment and continues on with his duties, "Now that you're awake, would you like breakfast to be brought to you?"

"Oh- Yes please." I'm genuinely glad he asked since I hadn't had a proper meal in days, wait no, weeks.

He nods, "Of course, are there any dietary restrictions or preferences I should forward to the cafeteria staff?"

"No, though I'd prefer things without meat but if it's required to help me recover quicker then I don't care if I'm served meat or not. I just wanna get outta here and go home and never have to see any of you again, no offense to you."

"Haha, alright. I'll just finish up what I'm doing here and I'll bring you some breakfast shortly."

I nod and lean back, grunting softly as that motion was rather painful. I sometimes wonder why I didn't try another method, but then I quickly come to the conclusion that I'd probably be dead if I'd attempted another method.

The nurse leaves the room to do the fuck knows what, probably heading down to the cafeteria to get me some food which I appreciate greatly.

My eyes close and I rest a little bit, I had a gut feeling that my whole hospital stay would be incredibly boring and I was not looking forward to it one bit. Right now it was okay because I had TV but eventually the limited channels would get very very boring and I'd just stop watching TV altogether.

He does come back maybe ten minutes later with a sad looking salad, some bread, and a juice box, I thank him for the food and dig in. And to be honest it was shit, but it was food and I was hungry. After breakfast I fall asleep, not really surprising but still pretty annoying considering I was fucking my sleep schedule up pretty horridly.

I wake up at around three in the afternoon, I get rather pissed off that I slept for so long because bye bye normal sleep schedule. I don't have a lot of time to sulk about it because Rarity had come to visit me and had brought Fluttershy along with her. I learn about it because Rarity talks incredibly loudly and I heard poor Flutters trying to shut her up.

I hear a knock at my door and I instantly know who it was, "Come in."

Rarity strides in while Fluttershy stands in the doorframe awkwardly, it was clear she was nervous about speaking to me again and I don't exactly blame her. Our last interaction was me getting mad at her and Rarity for showing up at my place at six in the motherfucking morning.

I wave and motion for her to come in, it was upsetting seeing her again and I was struggling to sound and act neutral, "Hey Fluttershy, been a bit huh?"

"Hello Sunset, how have you been?"

Rarity and I both look at her strangely, it was clear how I have been recently but I understand she meant before I took a leap of faith off the roof of our school, I decided to crack a joke instead to hopefully lighten the mood a bit "I've been in the hospital as you can see."

She cringes and visibly turns a little red, "Sorry."

"It's okay darling, Sunset knew what you meant."

I nod and give her a thumbs up, if I can forgive and actively want to rebuild my friendship with Rarity then I'm sure I can do the same for Fluttershy, I mean I know I can but it's not going to be a simple task like I had hoped originally, "Yeah, I did."

They both sense the awkwardness in my voice and Fluttershy looks like she's two seconds away from bursting out into tears. Rarity leaves the room, using the excuse she has to use the ladies room but I think she just wants to give me and Flutters time to talk.

"Sunset?"

I look at her, "Mmh?"

She visibly steels herself for whatever would happen next, "I'm so sorry, I-I just I thought you really had betrayed us a-and I was so blinded by anger t-that I was so so stupid, I'm so sorry Sunset."

I frown, she had started crying and choked out the final words of her sentence, part of me wanted to tell her to fuck off but I forced myself to say the words she likely needed to hear,

"I forgive you, Fluttershy. I'm not going to lie and say that you girls didn't break my heart over and over, but I've had advice from a.. Person who's had a unique experience and I'm willing to fix things. But, Fluttershy, I don't want to have my heart broken five times over again, if it happens again I know I wouldn't survive it like I'd survived it last time. I'm struggling with forgiveness and trusting you girls again." I admitted, I couldn't look her in the eyes while I did so, I continued on "It's going to take a lot of time Fluttershy, but.. I just.. Shit, I.. I want to be friends again but I don't know if it's a good idea, I want you to prove to me that you're not going to hurt me again. I need you to prove that you're not going to abandon me at the first sign of trouble."

I heard her sniffle and hiccup, I felt like such an asshole but I knew I needed to speak my mind and let her know that I wasn't going to put up with any more bullshit.

"Sunset I've learned the hard way, we all have. I really missed you, you're such fun to have around and I had my doubts about the a-account but I didn't think anyone would believe m-me."

Damn my cold, cynical heart, I wanted to believe her, really, but I don't think I did. I took a breath and thought about my next words carefully.

"Fluttershy I believe I need you to prove to me that you're not going to turn your back on me again. It's not just you, I.. I need all of you girls to prove it to me because right now I don't trust that you're not going to abandon me again."

I can feel her heart break, but I needed to say it. I motion for her to come to me and I hold my hand out for her to take, I show that there's no ill will and that I just need her to show me she wants to be friends again, not just tell me. I hold her hand and I look up at her.

"It's going to be alright Fluttershy, I'm going to fight like a warhorse to be friends with you girls again, even if it means fighting myself. It's not going to be easy, and there are going to be a lot of ups and downs, but I'm going to try and all I ask of you is that you also make an effort."

She nods and sniffles, I let go of her hand and she steps back to give me my space.

I give her a small smile and her phone buzzes, "I 'spose that's your parents wanting you to go home?"

She's silent for a while as she checks her messages, "Yeah, sorry. My dad worries a bit too much at times, he wants me to come home."

I chuckle, "He's got your best interests at heart, I find it sweet actually."

"I guess so. Oh! Rarity you're back, I've got to go and I know I'm the one who's car we took so I don't want to rush you, or Sunset but if it's not too much could we go within the next ten minutes?"

I turn to look at Rarity who looks a little disappointed, "Ah, of course Fluttershy, could I have a few minutes to say goodbye to Sunset for the day?"

The pale yellow girl nods and leaves the room, I could tell I made her sad and I feel incredibly conflicted about it. On one hand I'm sort of glad she feels guilty for what she's done, and on the other hand I feel awful for making such a usually sweet girl feel bad about herself. I feel a lot more guilty for making her sad than I am glad however.

"Shit Rarity, I'm struggling." I speak suddenly, causing the pale girl to jump slightly, "With trusting you girls again and.. Forgiveness in general, I say I forgive people but do I really mean it? I sometimes don't know and it's so fucking hard.."

There's an uncomfortable pause, I continue "Please tell Fluttershy I'm sorry for sort of telling her I distrust her completely, that's not entirely true. I just need to know you girls won't abandon me again."

She looks at me sadly, I can tell she's a little hurt but understanding, "I know Sunset, I know it's incredibly difficult for you to deal with right now. Please take your time and don't force yourself to talk to us if you don't want to. I'll visit again whenever I can."

I say nothing in response, I'm looking out the window at the view of the city, why am I so bitter? Why is it so hard to simply forgive them? I feel a sudden surge of sadness and frustration as I try to rationalize why I'm so fucking bitter. It's not fair, I just want my friends back, why am I making it so Celestia damned difficult for myself?!

I curl up as much as I can in my bed and I close my eyes, if I kept my eyes open I'd likely start crying and that was the last thing I needed right now. I wish Twilight were here, she'd know what to do.

Issues

The rest of my hospital stay was long, boring, and painful to say the least, I had to re-learn how to walk and pretty much do everything I had taken for granted.
I'd decided that it wasn't a good idea to speak to the girls if I wasn't ready to, I learned that things were going to be a lot more complicated than I'd originally believed and I was going to talk to my former friends on my time.

Speaking of Rarity and Fluttershy, they really helped me not lose my mind throughout the hospital stay, they came every single day and hung out as long as they could. The three of us would talk for hours about our interests and hobbies, I really enjoyed their company and I hoped they enjoyed mine. Flutters always went to my place every few days to feed Ray and give him water, I really appreciated that because if Ray starved I wouldn't ever forgive myself.

Whenever Fluttershy walked in I always felt.. Angry. It didn't last long, it ebbed away quickly but it was still there.
Without fail every time she walked in I felt this red hot anger burning in my soul. I never told them though, I was making an effort to let go of my hurt and I didn't need to make things objectively worse by outright telling them, 'Oh! Whenever you walk in Flutters, I want to strangle you!'

Fluttershy and Rarity had just left, leaving me feeling a little sad, I really did enjoy their presence and I already missed them. Their visits kept me going honestly. I leaned back in my bed and sighed, I was told I was going home tomorrow and I was happy, that also meant I'd be returning to school shortly and I wasn't happy about that one bit. I closed my eyes and tried to go to sleep, I fell asleep eventually and was immediately greeted by the lunar princess in my dreams.

"How are you feeling tonight?"

Oh, she was getting to the point. Great, I'm not really in the mood for small talk at the current time.

I lifted and looked at my arm to see if I were a human or equine, I saw a furry orange hoof so I had wisely deduced I was currently a pony. I put my hoof back down and realized I hadn't responded.

"I'm going home tomorrow, I really don't want to go back to school. It's.. I don't want their pity."

Her horn lit up and she used her pale blue magic to press gently on my lower back, indicating that she wanted me to sit down, I complied immediately.

"They're likely worried Sunset. But have you made any progress with your former friends? I'd like to know what you've been up to."

Luna sat in front of me, using her magic to manipulate her realm enough to conjure a table and chairs so we could speak comfortably.

I slowly nodded, "Perhaps but.. I still feel angry whenever I see Fluttershy walk into the room, and I don't know if I'm truly forgiving someone. I say I do but I usually don't know if I mean it or not and it feels like I really don't."

"Hm.. I'd think that is normal considering what has happened, you've been through a lot and it's not going to get better magically. You're trying, that's what matters right now. You need to take your time to heal, never try to rush it." She paused, clearly thinking of her next words carefully, "I think you need a therapist, someone who you could vent your frustrations out to. I'm unashamed to admit that I have one, and it's not that scary once you get over the initial obstacle of asking for help, I promise."

Guilt hit me like a truck, I hadn't realized I was damaged enough to need a therapist. I didn't want to have that conversation with principal Celestia or vice principal Luna, I was so scared to ask for help.
It was a terrifying concept to me, going up to someone and saying that I wanted to die and I needed a therapist and asking if they knew anyone who I could go to.

She extended a wing and lightly grabbed my hoof, she held it in her wing and judging by my lack of reply she knew I was feeling pretty shitty about the whole thing.

"Come now Sunset, it's going to be scary but in the future you'll look back and be glad you asked for the help you needed."

I gulp, I know she's completely correct but it still doesn't make it any less terrifying, "I know princess. I'll try. I'm still scared and I don't know if it's going to work."

She lets my hoof slide out from her wing as I pull it back closer to me, "I'll always be here for you, and if you ever need or want me to relay a message to my sister then I will do so gladly."

My heart starts racing, now's my chance to let Celestia know I'm truly sorry, "I.. Thank you princess. If it's not too much trouble could you tell princess Celestia that I'm sorry?"

"Of course Sunset, but please just call me Luna, I consider you a friend. I'll let you wake up now and next time we meet I'll tell you what Celestia may have to say in response. Please stay safe, me and Celestia would both be very upset if you got hurt again."

I say nothing as she lights her horn and begins to bring me back to the waking world, in the blink of an eye I'm back in the hospital beginning to wake up. I open my eyes and look around, glancing at the clock to see what time it is.

"Little after eight." I murmur, hoping I'd be able to get breakfast before I'm discharged. I wouldn't be too bothered if I didn't because the hospital food is pretty crappy, and I could always stop by Sugarcube Corner if I didn't get breakfast. Honestly, I'd probably stop by even if I did get breakfast here, I was craving their red velvet cupcakes.

"Mmmm... And a hot cocoa, my usual favorites." I say softly to myself, "Delicious.."

I attempt to rest for a few more minutes though I'm forced to abandon my plan when the nurses bring me breakfast and the doctor comes and explains what I'll need to do to recover fully once I'm discharged.
I'm forced to wait a lot longer to get the discharge papers that explain what they had done while I was taking my incredibly long nap.

I finally get out of the hospital around ten, I'm still very sore but I can at least walk, write, and move on my own again and for that I'm incredibly grateful. I should probably get some exercise and walk home, thankfully I don't live that far away from the hospital and I could probably walk home in ten or twenty minutes.

Nope. Nope nope nope. I had seriously overestimated my abilities to walk a somewhat far distance so soon after I get out of bedrest, my limbs were screaming at me to stop but I didn't really want to stay out in the unforgiving cold too long. I got my ass home, I quickly plopped myself down on the couch and threw my shoes off haphazardly, I took a deep breath before groaning, I had to go to school tomorrow and ask my principal if she knew of any good therapists.

"Oh fuck me that's going to suck so bad."

I sigh, "Oh fucking fuck. Shit, shit, Twilight!"

My body hated me so much for how quickly I shot up from the couch, I hissed in pain. The pain didn't stop me as I powerwalked up to my loft and I grabbed the journal. I threw it open and began to read her messages. I probably scared the shit out of her when I never replied and disappeared for almost two weeks.

Sunset and Twilight have a heart-to-heart

I don't dare even think to hesitate, I grab the pen I normally write my entries with and I know what I need to write. I need to tell her the truth, no matter how painful it might be.

'Twilight, I'm alive. I was in the hospital for a while and I couldn't bring the journal, I wouldn't be able to explain it to them without sounding fucking nuts.' I stare at the page, Twilight usually replied quickly and I was hoping she would write me back soon.
"Shit.." I mumble, though it does not carry over and I end up yelling the second word, "Shit!"

I slam my fist on my bed over and over, I keep hurting those I care about. I don't intend to but fuck me, I keep doing it. I grab my pillow and drag it over to my face, I then shove my face into it and scream. My poor pillow was subjected to what felt like an hour of loud screaming, I was not planning on stopping anytime soon when I heard and felt the journal buzzing rather violently.

My head immediately goes up from being face down on the pillow and I drag the journal to where I am, I read the writing as it appears.

'Oh thank Celestia you're okay, I was so worried Sunny! I thought you were dead! Princess Luna came over to my castle and told me that you were in the hospital, but she wouldn't tell me why. What happened? Are you okay?'

I see wet splotches appear on the paper, and that's when I realize she was crying.

'I'm sorry Twi, I fell from a pretty high place and I was out for nearly two weeks. I'm okay now, but I need to talk to you when you have the time for a probably long and emotional conversation.'

There's a slight pause but she still pens her reply almost instantaneously. 'Oh Celestia, how did that happen?! I have the time now Sunset, I will always have time for you.'

I blow some of the hair out of my face and inhale sharply, I'm doing this shit and I'm going to finally ask her for help. I can't do this alone.

'I jumped from the roof of CHS. This sounds super stupid, but I had a really bad nightmare where Celestia said what I'd done was unforgiveable and sentenced me to spend the rest of my life in Tartarus. That's when I woke up and went yeah mmm I need to go kill myself!'

'You did what?!'

I sighed and wrote back the only thing I thought of. 'Yeah.'

'Sunset..' The disappointment and sadness in that one single word was painfully obvious.

'I know, I know. I need your help, I'm struggling with forgiving the girls. I want to be their friend again, and I'm talking to Rarity and Fluttershy more often but whenever Fluttershy walks into the room there's this few moments where I'm furious. It goes away incredibly quickly, but I don't know. Am I really forgiving them or am I lying to them and myself?'

'Well.. I know you're hurting pretty badly, that forgiveness issue is new to me though. Have you tried talking to princess Luna about it?'

Her response wasn't what I hoped it'd be, it actually made me feel a little strange considering how the princess of friendship herself wasn't able to help me. 'No, she knows I'm having a hard time coping but I don't think she fully knows about me not being sure if I'm truly forgiving someone or not.'

'You should talk to her about it the next time you see her, in the meantime I'll look for anything on what you're going through to see if there's some magical cause and cure. But please don't do anything like that again, I was so worried about you. I love you, you know that right?'

'I will, I don't know when I'll see her again. Could you do me a favor and send her a letter and tell her I need to talk to her? Also Twilight I doubt it's a magical ailment, I'm probably just a bitch and I'm only making things harder.' I pause and then continue writing. 'I don't plan on killing myself right now, and I know. I love you too Twilight. I'll talk to you later, alright?'

'I can do that, but I do suspect there might be something magical that's affecting you. I'll be trying to read up on what you're going through on top of figuring out a way to try and artificially open the portal. ..Don't say that Sunset, you're rightfully angry and hurt. I'll write to you later today, stay safe!'

I don't reply and I close the journal, I get up to go put it back on my desk where I keep it usually. I slowly make my way downstairs, my body still is incredibly sore and I need to take it slow for a while. I sigh and sit on the couch, that was pretty useless because maybe two seconds later I get up and go grab my laptop that's on a small table next to my TV.

I bring it back to the couch and sit down with it, the laptop is pretty old and but it's still reasonably useable so I power it on and open my email. I grumble and reposition the laptop so it's on my lap, it's easier to type that way and much more comfortable, I type a quick, polite email to principal Celestia asking for a meeting tomorrow morning and apologizing for causing so much trouble the last few days before I ended up in the hospital.

Once I get that done I check YooToob, I had been out for a long time so I'm hoping my favorite content creators have uploaded. To my delight all of my favorite creators had uploaded and I begin to watch their videos.
An hour or two passed when I heard a knock at my door, I figured it was Rarity so I get up and walk over to the door, I keep the chain in place for the time being just in case it was not the person I was hoping it was. I open the door just enough to see who's out there and I'm not surprised that it's my friend. "Hey! Give me a second to unlatch the chain."

She smiles and nods while I release the chain and open the door to further let her in, once I open the door she steps into my apartment. "How are you feeling Sunset? It must be nice to finally be out of the dreary hospital."

A chuckle escapes my lips, "Oh you have no idea, being home is like paradise. So what brings you here?"

"Oh! Right, I was wondering since you've been away for so long and some of your food may have expired if you'd need help cleaning it out and going grocery shopping."

I blink and look at her, I still felt that at times she was using me for something. I dismiss the thought and realize she was most likely correct, some of my food that was already near expiration had probably gone bad. "Sure, that's really generous of you Rarity. I really appreciate it, but I have to warn you.. Uh.. My fridge.. I can barely open it without gagging."

"It's that bad?"

"Yes."

Author's Note

Ohhh boy this is going on longer than I had anticipated. Alright everyone, buckle up because I'm going all in for this fic.

Thank you for the support! This the first fanfiction I've ever uploaded to the public, and I am aware that it's not the best writing, but I'm still getting used to the site and I'll bet in a year or two I'll look back on Warhorse and go "Ewww what is that?! D I S G U S T I N G ." then completely rewrite it.

Rarity and Sunset struggle to clean a fridge

The inside of my fridge is.. To put it lightly, a horrifically disgusting mess.

The second I open the door my sense of smell is violently violated by the awful stench of a large amount of rotting food and disgusting fridge smell, I'm glad I dragged a puke bucket into the kitchen because Rarity immediately starts retching. I don't blame her one bit, the stench is making me rethink about my life choices that led up to this moment.

I would find it funny normally, but I am in the same situation she is in and the smell is making me want to die. I gag a couple times and open the fridge even more. The smell only intensifies and I give up, I shut the door suddenly and go over to the now slightly green Rarity who's still hovering over the bucket.

I tap her shoulder and point to my living room, I really didn't want to open my mouth and risk tasting the rancid air. Thank Celestia she got the hint and powerwalked to the living room, once we both were certain we could open our mouths safely, I piped up. "I think we need to go get some masks."

"I agree darling, that was.. One of the worst things I have ever had the displeasure to smell."

"Are you going to be okay? You look a little sick."

Rarity nodded, "I'll be okay. You wouldn't happen to have masks and gloves we could use, would you?"

"Nope. I wasn't planning on letting my food rot that much. I'm sorry to impose Rarity, but could you drive me to the store so I could get the things we need to not die of the stench the second I open the door?"

"Of course, and you're not imposing at all! I offered to help you and I don't intend to not follow through."

I nod, I really appreciate Rarity right now although I don't know if I should let her know that for the time being. "Thank you Rarity. I 'spose we should get to it now, huh?"

"I suppose we should, my car's out front, follow me."

I hum and follow her outside, making sure I've got my money and keys, and that I lock my apartment up before I follow her any further.

Her car is incredibly nice, it's a presumably really expensive Audi. I compliment her on it and she says that it was a gift from her parents for her sweet sixteen.

"Is there any store you'd prefer or would the nearest one work?"

"Ah, I uh.. I got banned from the Smartway closest to us, long story, so I don't think we have a choice but to go to the one on fifty-sixth street." I say sheepishly.

I got banned from the store just after I came through the portal. A blush forms on my cheeks when I remember the incident, I didn't know that bits aren't an acceptable currency in this world and I got frustrated when the cashier wouldn't accept mine so I ran with the groceries in my basket.
I somehow managed to get away, but the next time I attempted to enter the store I got yelled at and told to leave and never come back.

She hums and gets into the vehicle, waiting for me to do the same. I get into the passenger's seat and sigh, I pull the seatbelt across my chest and hear that satisfying click as I lock it into place. "Cleaning that fuc- damned fridge is going to suck."

"Indeed it will, but it's necessary to keep you in good health."

The engine starts and the radio turns on, it's tuned to the classical station and I recognize the piece instantly. It's one of my favorites. "Dance of the Knights!"

"That's what it's called? The station usually tells the listeners what other songs are called but never tells us what this one is. I'll have to look it up later, I've been trying to find this song online for so long now."

I grin at her, "Mhm! When I was little princess Celestia used to take me to various classical concerts and this was played often. Prokofiev's and Tchaicoltsky's compositions were crowd favorites."

"Tchaicoltsky?"

"Sorry, Tchaikovsky. I never catch myself on that one, I'm still so used to the pony pun versions of everything and everyone. I've been here what, maybe three or four years and I still struggle to remember the 'correct' names."

She chuckles and keeps her eyes on the road, "You never did tell us about Equestria, and I'm curious. Are there Equine versions of the countries in this world?"

I nod even though she can't see my head movement, "Yes, but some countries either don't exist or are named completely differently and I can't make the connection to any country here. It's pretty strange."

I hear her hum, she doesn't respond other than that though and we spend the rest of the ride to the store in comfortable silence. Once we get to the location we needed to be at and pull into the parking lot I pipe up, "So gloves, masks, and anything else we need?"

".. Maybe peppermint oil if they have it?"

"Ah yeah. It'd be a good idea to have some to dab a little under our noses so the smell can't easily get to us." I unbuckle my seatbelt and she does the same, we get out of the car and start walking towards the entrance, it occurs to me that I haven't thanked Rarity for not giving up on me yet. "Hey Rares?"

"Hm?"

"Thank you. For not giving up on me yet, I mean."

She stops walking and grabs my arm to stop me as well, I turn around to face her. "I'm never going to give up on you."

Since I don't really want to start getting emotional in public- I probably should've told her this in the car- I smile and nod, "Thank you."

Rarity lets go of my arm and we continue, we get into the store and oh fuck me, of course we see things that we want that we don't need and our trip to the store to get just a few small items ends up with a total of one hundred fifteen dollars spent and bags full of things we don't need.

I don't say anything until we're back in her car, "Well, that definitely could've gone better. Curse them for putting all the enticing shit- Jeez, sorry- crap at eye level."

"Definitely, but isn't that usually how it goes? Go in for a small number of items and come out with much more than you'd intended?"

"Oh totally. It always happens to me, I'm a really bad impulse shopper to be honest."

"Darling, if you think you're bad you should see me whenever there's a sale with even the slightest discount. I've likely wasted thousands by now because of it."

I laugh and buckle up, "I believe you Rarity."

She laughs with me and starts the car after buckling herself in. I hum an old lullaby princess Celestia used to sing to me when I was younger as we pull out of the parking lot, I do feel safe with Rarity and I love it when she's around, but I still have the thoughts in the back of my head screaming that she's using me.
I know it's not true, but they're still there and I don't think they're going to go away for a long long time, if ever.

The ride back is quick and nothing interesting happens, we put the groceries on the counter near the fridge and we get to work. We both don a mask and gloves and I prepare several garbage bags.
She opens the fridge door and sweet motherfucking Celestia the smell is absolutely horrid.

I know this is going to suck ass, and judging by the look in my friend's eyes.. So does she.

Panicking over thinking you're going to be late for school is not fun

It took a few hours and many breaks before we got everything cleaned up, neither of us had a strong stomach and that made things a lot more difficult. When we did eventually clean the fridge it was already close to nine at night so I asked Rarity if she just wanted to stay the night, and if she did then to ask her parents.

Surprisingly they said yes and we both had an impromptu sleepover, the cause of the sleepover wasn't that fun but we did make it a fun night nonetheless, we both went to bed at around one in the morning and she was the first to get up, she didn't wake me up until she made breakfast for the both of us. In hindsight it was incredibly dumb of us to go to bed at one on a school night.

I hated having to get up, but I was hungry and she had graciously made breakfast. I sluggishly got my ass off the couch and I went to the kitchen, I'd taken the couch for the night since I wanted my guest to be comfortable, it took maybe ten minutes straight of convincing for me to get her to agree to take my bed.

"Mh.. Morning." I mumbled and rubbed the sleep from my eyes, "Thanks for making breakfast."

Rarity jumped and looked over at me from her seat at my table, "Goodness darling- You were quiet as a mouse. But it was no problem, thank you for letting me stay overnight."

"Mh, it was no pr-" I couldn't finish my sentence because I yawned. "No problem."

"School doesn't start for another hour, so we have some time to get ready if we're swift enough. I need a shower, but I assume so do you since we both probably smell.. Not the greatest.."

"Go, you take one first. I'll be fine, I can skip a shower. Not like it'll end the world."

"And you go to school smelling like a dumpster? Sunset I simply will not allow that to happen."

I whine and feel a headache coming on, "Rarity please, I'm not in the mood to argue. Unless you're open to taking a shower with me I'd say just take yours, I can wash up in the bathroom at school."

She looks at me and her lips form a thoughtful o , "Sunset?.. Are you serious about your suggestion that we shower together?"

I look at her and blink a few times, the pounding headache that was a little ways off was now here in full force at the realization that I had actually suggested it. "I.. Guess? I mean it's not that bad, we're both girls and it's platonic."

"Mhm.. It's only because we didn't shower last night and we both smell gross."

I nod and start to make my way up to the loft to get a change of clothes when I freeze, I had an idea. I turn around to share it with her. "Rarity, how about we set a timer for ten minutes and we both shower as quickly as possible, one of us will wait outside the door for the timer to go off and we swap places?"

I hear her sigh in relief, she was evidently just as uncomfortable about the notion that we shower together as I am. "That's brilliant! I just have one problem and that's I don't have a change of clothes. Mine likely smell, but I'm not really able to tell."

"Hah, that rhymed at the end. But just get in there and smell your clothes once you've got them off, you should be okay though."

Rarity nods, "Which way-"

"Second door on the left."

"Thank you."

"No problem, now hurry up please. I really need to clean myself up."

She chuckled and walked off to go shower. Maybe two minutes later I hear the shower turn on, I grab my phone and set a timer for ten minutes and press start. "Y'know what, my clothes are probably fine." I whisper to myself, I still wanted to change but it was nice to know that I'd have probably been fine.
I get up and decide to spent the ten minutes I had to wait spending time way Ray. I go over to his habitat and throw in some crickets for him.

Fluttershy had really been an angel, she came and took care of him while I was in the hospital. I felt a pang of guilt when I remembered how I treated her the first time we spoke again in my hospital room.
I'm still incredibly hurt about the Anon-A-Miss mess.

I'm slowly making progress in forgiving them, or I think I am, I don't really know. I already consider Rarity a friend, and Fluttershy a sort of friend, acquaintance maybe?

I sigh and look at Ray eating his crickets, he looks so content and I'm sort of jealous, I wish I could sleep all day and eat whenever I felt like it, alas I had responsibilities in life that I had to keep up with.
I found it entertaining to watch Ray vibe and so I spent the whole ten minutes staring at him creepily, he didn't seem to care that I was watching him, he was just happy to have food.

My phone's alarm goes off and I'm reminded that it's my turn to shower. I go to my bathroom door and knock. "Yo Rarity, time's up."

"I'm aware, I'm getting dressed. You were right darling, my clothes are okay. Not the greatest but they don't stink too bad."

I roll my eyes and move away from the door, I move over right next to the door and I lean on the wall to wait for her to leave the bathroom. She doesn't take long to do so and I go right in, I make sure the door is locked before I get ready to shower.

I make sure the water is cold, I don't want to be tempted to stay in longer than I have to and I take my shower in record time.
The water was ice fucking cold and I didn't like it one bit, it did work in making me not want to spend a lot of time in it.

I go over and grab my shirt. I bring it up to my face and sniff, it didn't smell too bad so I was okay. I put my clothes on while I was still soaking wet but I don't care, I am not going to spend twenty minutes drying off in here. I have important places to be and I can't be late because I had a meeting with the principal before school. Speaking of, my stupid ass forgot I had a meeting and I panic. I'm going to be late and she's going to be so mad at me. Fuck me I need to hurry

I throw open the bathroom door in a panic and practically run over to where I kept my jacket and backpack, calling out to my friend who seemed startled at my sudden rushing. "Rarity I'm going to be late for a meeting with principal Celestia that I forgot I had!"

I rush to put my jacket on and check that everything that I need is in my backpack, my body is still very sore and it comes back to bite me in the ass by making every one of my swift movements considerably more painful than it should be.

"Come then, I'll drive you. I don't want you to be too late for your meeting."

"But-"

"I won't accept no for an answer darling."

I know trying to argue with her is pointless, I nod and grumble a bit under my breath, we make our way out of my apartment hurriedly, I stop to double check that I have everything I need for the day and that I've locked my apartment door.
I'm in a hurry but I'd rather not have my home broken into while I'm away. That would suck so bad, and honestly it would probably send me spiraling downwards into a second mental break.

We both rush to her car and get in, Rarity waits until we're both buckled in to start the engine and peel out of the parking lot.
The song on the radio finishes and the next one they play is Ride of the Valkyries, it's hilariously fitting for the current situation and I want to comment on the perfect timing but I manage to hold my tongue because I notice that Rarity looks mildly stressed.

I'm pretty sure she speeds a little to get us to school and me to my meeting with principal Celestia, I idly worry that she's going to get a ticket later. I really do appreciate her, I'd have never made it on time to my meeting and without her I also wouldn't have cleaned my fridge. That shit was disgusting.

We pull into the student parking lot and I unbuckle while the car is still in motion. "Thanks so much Rarity! I uh.. I hope we never have to rush like that ever again. I guess it was really dumb to go to bed that late huh?"

I hear her snort and choke on air, coughing immediately after, "The last day or so has been very eventful, and it's not a problem at all darling. I agree with you on that last bit, going to bed that late on a school night was not the brightest idea either of us have ever had."

"Hah, well we're slightly wiser now." I open the car door to get out, "I'll see you either in class or at lunch, depends on if today's an A or B day."

"I think today's an A day."

"So I'll see you in class in maybe abouuuuut thirty to forty-five minutes."

She nods as I get out, I look over at her and she's pulling out a makeup kit and hairbrush. "Always prepared for makeup emergencies?"

"Of course darling, I mustn't be unprepared so I always carry a makeup kit and brush in my car."

I chuckle and close the door, walking towards the front entrance so I could meet with Celestia and ask if she knew any good therapists. My anxiety spikes as I get closer to the front doors, it's going to be incredibly hard to do this.

But as princess Luna said, it will be worth it when I look back and wonder what would've happened if I never asked for professional help. I know she's correct but it's still an intimidating task.

Author's Note

Sorry everyone but I don't think I'm going to be posting a chapter tomorrow, I got only maybe 3 hours of sleep tops today and I'm gonna be out like a light pretty much all day I'm afraid.

03/08/2023 edit: I'm pretty sick right now, so I don't think I'm going to be posting much for the next few days because I'm going to take the time to rest and recover fully before I pick up where I left off. Sorry everyone. :twilightblush:

Stupidly difficult conversations with the principal

My body freezes I get to the front doors, I really don't want to have to ask the question that I know I have to and I have to force myself to keep going. Shit, this might go very wrong..

"I got this, I have to.. It's for my own good." I mumble and walk inside, the school is unsurprisingly empty this early in the morning so I won't have to deal with their empty platitudes, thank Celestia. I make my way to the main offices and go inside nervously, principal Celestia is at a fax machine and she turns around to greet me.

"Ah, hello Sunset, how are you this morning?"

"I'm.. I'm okay principal Celestia, I just have to ask you something really important." She frowns, I guess she heard how nervous I sounded.

"Of course Sunset, but my office would be a better place to have this conversation."

I nod. My heart is racing now and I feel like I've made a huge mistake by going to her. I follow her to her office and I sit down in a chair in front of her desk.

"I.. Principal- I just was wondering if.." I can barely get the next words out, why the fuck was it so hard to ask for help?

"I was wondering i-if you knew of any decent therapists because I.."

"You need someone to talk to?"

I shake my head yes, "I do.."

"Of course, I can print out a list of mental help professionals. It includes their email addresses and phone numbers so you could choose who you want to go to." She looks at me, she doesn't look disappointed or angry.
She looks worried.

"Thank you." I'm staring at my legs, I can't take her worried looks. It reminds me too much of princess Celestia whenever I pulled an all-nighter. "I'm sorry."

"It's no problem, I'm proud of you for asking for help. I know how difficult it can be to ask for it."

"Yeah.." I say in a near whisper, "It's almost impossible."

"I really hope that one of the contacts on the paper I'm printing out for you is able to help you. I'm incredibly sorry Sunset, I failed to protect you during the Anon-A-Miss situation.."

Upon hearing her words I grip the armrests so hard my knuckles turn white, she had failed me. She and Luna failed me badly and I feel myself start to shake in rage.
How could she apologize so casually?

"Sunset? Are you alright?"

I nod and stay quiet because I don't trust myself not to snap at her if I start talking. I remember the breathing technique princess Celestia taught me for when I got upset, I take a deep breath and hold it for a few seconds before exhaling. I repeat that process a few times and when I feel calm enough I look up to the principal.

"Sorry.. Got a little overwhelmed. It's part of the reason why I need a therapist." I lie and hope she buys it.

Celestia nods and walks over to the printer as it spits out the paper I need. She picks it up and comes back over to her desk, handing it to me right before she sits down.

"Thank you. And thank you for meeting me before school, I know it must've been annoying to have to leave your home earlier than normal."

"Oh it's no problem, I'm glad you felt comfortable enough to ask for help. My door will always be open for you, I want to make sure you know that."

I bite my lip so hard I taste blood, I want to tell her that she failed me, and I think she'd deserve it but I hold it back and nod. "Thank you. I really should get ready to get to class, I don't want to be late."

I get up and give her a small smile before leaving, I don't wait for her to reply, I just dip. Once I'm at my locker I look at the paper in my hands and skim over it, I'll email some of them once I'm home but for now I need to focus on my education.

I get everything I don't need stowed safely away in my locker and I go out and sit on the front steps, I look at Rarity's car and she's still in there but now she had a facemask on.
I can't help myself and I start laughing so hard that I start snorting, the fact Rarity had a whole ass spa kit in her car was hilarious to me. Because of course she has a mini spa in her car just ready to go.

She must've seen me laughing at her and she rolled her window down, keeping her facemask on the entire time, "It's not that funny darling! This is just part of my morning routine."

Her statement only serves to make me laugh harder, Fluttershy had apparently arrived while I was laughing at Rarity and walked over to me to say hello. I was wiping my tears of laughter on my sleeve when I noticed her.

"Oh hey Fluttershy, nice weather isn't it?" Oh, I'm so dumb, I can't think of anything better so I resort to the weather, how cliché.

"Mhm, it's nice to see you again Sunset. I've missed you and the school's been less lively without you."

I smile and roll my eyes I've really missed her, I would've texted her but I deleted her number from my phone when Anon struck. "I missed you too 'Shy, I'm back now and I'm not going anywhere."

"What were you laughing at anyways?"

"You seriously missed Rarity's spa session in her car?"

"What sp- Ohhh. Oh wow." She starts cracking up once she spots Rarity, "Wow she's always really prepared isn't she?"

The fact that Fluttershy found the sight funny only made it funnier for me, I started laughing again and she also began to laugh.
I doubt Rarity would be amused if she noticed that we were still laughing at her pulling a facemask out of seemingly nowhere. But oh well, this shit was funny and I'm not gonna try and hide my amusement.

I get myself under control eventually and I tap her shoulder to attempt to calm her as well. "Alright, alright. I think we've laughed at poor Rarity for way too long now."

She snorts and puts her hand over her mouth to stifle her giggles and it an incredibly adorable thing to witness.
I chuckle and pull my phone out of my pocket to check the time, there's only maybe about ten minutes until the start of class. I look up and see the students start to gather on the front lawn like they normally did before school.

"Should we go tell Rarity that school's going to start soon?"

I shrug. "Probably? Let's maybe wait five minutes so she has more time to do her little spa ritual thing."

"You're right, but we should at least tell her that school's going to start soon."

"Ah. Yeah. We probably should."

She nods and we both get up at the same time to go tell Rarity she needs to hurry up. I get to her car first and start speaking before even Fluttershy gets to the car. "Hey Rares, school starts soon and you might wanna hurry otherwise you'll be late."

"Right, I've finished just in time- Ah Fluttershy, good morning darling how are you?"

"Hi Rarity, good morning. I'm good, Nova hurt her paw earlier and it took a long time for me to figure out what happened."

"Nova?" Me and Rarity both ask, it was perfectly synchronized and kinda funny.

"Oh! Nova's the Rottweiler my parents got last weekend, my parents think that our house could use some extra security. She's supposed to be a big scary guard dog but she's such a sweetheart."

"Ohh. You did tell me about that 'Shy, but you never told me her name or breed."

She shrugs and smiles, "Sorry. But now you know."

"Yeah, it's nice. Now I don't want to rush you guys but we really need to hurry."

Rarity gets out of her car and locks it, the sudden chirp of the car locking startles Fluttershy. I start walking to class, I wanted to wait for them but I don't think I had the time to. I get to my locker and unfortunately Applejack is there waiting for me. My annoyance is impossible to hide as I try to put my things away without her bothering me too much.

"Sunset.."

"What?" I snap, more so annoyed that she'd pick such an inconvenient time to try and talk to me than annoyed that she would even try to talk to me again in the first place.

"Ah just wanna apologize, please just hear me out."

"Can this wait? I don't intend to be rude but I have class and so do you." I slam my locker shut and turn to look at her, waiting for her reply.

She hesitates for a moment and nods. "... 'Course, are ya open to talkin' at lunch?"

"Mhm."

I don't wait for her to respond, I walk away and make my way to the class I'm supposed to be in and unfortunately I'm greeted by the sight of Rainbow and Pinkie who have the same class this period. I internally scream.

Sweet Celestia, I forgot that I shared a lot of classes with them. I go to my desk and sit down, ignoring the stares I get from my classmates. Thankfully miss Cheerilee walks into the room and everyone's attention is directed towards her, including mine. The rest of the lesson is incredibly boring and I was barely paying attention, I was worrying about how the talk with AJ would go.

The bell rings and I get up to leave and go to my next class. I ignore Rainbow who's calling out to me, I'm not ready to talk to her and I'm already taking a massive risk by agreeing to talk to Applejack again. I use the breathing technique I was taught and leave the room, passing by multiple students who attempt to grab my attention so they could apologize.

I made it to math class just in time, I sat my ass down on my chair right as the late bell rang and I breathed a sigh of relief, I didn't need or want to get detention right now. Mr. Doodle walks in and gets straight to the point, there was a pop quiz. We all groan and make obvious sounds of disapproval at the surprise quiz.

"Celestia damn it. Fuck's sake I don't need to deal with this shit right now." I think to myself and stare down at the paper that's been placed in front of me as the teacher hands it out to everyone.

"You have ten minutes to answer the yes or no questions on the paper. Once the time is up I will come collect your papers. Begin."

I grumble and swear under my breath but I pick up my pencil and begin my quiz. It's surprisingly easy and I'm done in maybe five or six minutes, I decide to use this time to plan what I'm going to say to Applejack so I don't end up screaming at her when I wanted to have a civil conversation.

Once the time is up Mr. Doodle comes and collects the papers everyone has and goes back up to the front. "Alright, now onto the lesson."

I hear Hoops protest from somewhere towards the back. "Aw come on man, can't you give us a break? We just took a test."

"It's a quiz, not a test, now please quiet down so I can get on with the lesson."

Hoops doesn't reply so I assume he isn't going to press the matter, I'm tempted to speak up and try to convince him to let us spend this period doing other things but then I remember these are the same people who're too stupid to not attack me until they know for certain that I was the culprit.
They totally need more education, maybe it'll raise their IQs by a few points miraculously.

Class goes by painfully slow, it always seems to go by slower than the rest of my classes but the bell does eventually ring and mercifully sets us all free. I get up a little too quickly so my body yells at me for my mistake, I happily speedwalk out the door as it's lunch now and I'm hungry as fuck.

I get to the cafeteria and grab my food, I go find an empty table to sit down at. I'm enjoying my rather crappy institutional food when Applejack sits down across from me. I stop eating and look up to see who had so rudely interrupted my peace, when I see it's Applejack I sigh with a mouthful of food and swallow.

This was going to be hard, but I'm going to try to get through it with my sanity and emotional wellbeing in tact. "Right. Applejack, you said you wanted to apologize?"

Author's Note

This took forever to write. I kept going back and starting over and doing that while I'm sick took ages.

Anyhow this chapter and the next few chapters will probably be significantly lower quality than normal because I'm trying to get back into the groove.

Oh!- Happy St. Patrick's day to anyone that celebrates it! :twilightsmile:

Things go horribly wrong

Applejack takes a bite of her sandwich and nods, taking a second to chew and swallow. "I jus' wanted to apologize for the way I've acted, I'm the element of honesty and I should have noticed that the whole thing was fishier than a barrel o' fish."

"Yes. You should have." I say simply, noticing how ashamed she looks. I feel a tiny bit of sympathy for the farmgirl but I don't allow my expression to betray me.

"I'm so-"

"But." I don't care I'm interrupting, I need to talk before I get too angry to. "I forgive you. I think I have at least. You hurt me, your words cut deep. Why the fuck didn't you wait until there was concrete proof that I did it?"

I'm holding the apple I got with my lunch so tight that I can feel the flesh of the fruit begin to buckle under the force of my grip. Anger and hurt was bubbling up and I'm afraid I might not be able to keep it contained for long.

"I dunno Sunset. I wasn't thinkin' and when Bloom came to me with her weak proof I thought.. I thought that you'd gone back to yer old ways and I.. I believed her, she's my lil' sister and I never thought she'd ever do somethin' like what she did."

"So you didn't think I'd truly wanted to change?"

"No! I mean- Yes, I know you wanted to change but the proof at the time and the timin' of it all.."

I squeezed the apple so hard that it had popped. Applejack's words hurt. We both flinched and I looked at the remains of the ruined apple. I tried speaking, the hurt was clear in my words no matter how hard I tried to hide it. "Why would you just throw me away the second things look bad?"

"Cause I was a blind fool, I trusted my sister so much that I didn't ask the right questions and I abandoned you when ya needed me the most. I'm a right awful friend."

I felt tears form in my eyes and I blinked a few times to hold them back, my eyes ached with unshed and my chest felt tight, I bit my lower lip and looked down at the table. I didn't want to start crying in the middle of the cafeteria.

I didn't see when Pinkie and Rainbow came over to my table, but I heard Fluttershy pleading with them to leave me alone until I went up to talk to them myself, unfortunately judging by how she was still begging when it sounded like she was right next to me I doubt it worked.

I looked up to see Pinkie, Rainbow, and Fluttershy standing right behind Applejack, poor Fluttershy looked so frustrated with her friends and I felt awful for her. They ignored her and came up to me when I was nowhere near ready to talk to them all at once. "What do you girls want?"

"Heyyy Sunset, mind if we sit here?"

"Yes. I do mind."

"Jeez sorry.."

"What did you feel the need to come over to me for?" I eye Applejack suspiciously, she probably planned this. To corner me and force me to talk to them.

"We just wanted to say sorry for being such assholes to you."

My eyes snap over to Rainbow and I narrow my eyes at her. "Oh yeah, so you come over and don't get the hint that I'm not ready to talk to you and pretty much corner me?"

"Hey- Sunset look we just wanted-"

I put the remains of the apple I was trying to eat down and slam my hands on the table as I stand up, I lean slightly forward and glower at Dash. Oh Celestia I'm about to snap, I can't take this for much longer. "Well now's not the right time, so please go away."

"Rainbow! Pinkie!" Applejack hisses and tries to shoo her friends away, "Get the hint she ain't ready to talk to ya."

The pink one miraculously takes that obvious hint and gives me a sad wave before turning around and going back to wherever she was sitting originally, I stifle a sigh and return the wave much to my surprise.

Rainbow however doesn't move and crosses her arms defiantly. "No AJ, I need to tell her!"

I feel my eye twitch and something snap inside, I can't take it anymore. "Enough! I see it was a mistake to try to talk to you again Applejack, you planned this didn't you? To force me to talk to you guys when I'm trying to talk to you one on one!"

She shakes her head no vigorously. "Sunset no, I didn't plan this, I swear!"

Rainbow pipes up much to my displeasure. She speaks in that same tone of voice as when I attempted to show them the journal to prove my innocence back at Sugarcube Corner. "Sunset- Listen to me."

Something about what she said triggered something in my brain and I was back at Sugarcube Corner that fateful evening. I heard them yelling at me. I thought it was over, I thought they knew I was innocent, why are they saying I'm not?!

I'm innocent and it's over, I know it's over but I still hear them. They're so angry about something I didn't even do.

"Traitor!"

"We should've never trusted you.. You bitch."

"Sunset.. Why?"

"Ya lyin' snake!"

"I had placed my faith in you Sunset Shimmer, and you've unfortunately proved that you aren't looking for redemption."

I'm shaking rather violently now, I feel my eyes are wide as saucers and I'm trying to focus on the sights and smells in front of me but it's not working.
Fluttershy must've figured out what was going on because I feel her wrap me in a tight hug from behind.

"Sunset it's okay, it's over. Breathe.. Take deep breaths, like this. Ready?"

I nod, I still hear them but Fluttershy's soft and yet firm voice is overpowering them and I'm focusing on her. I take deep breaths along with her and she lets go of me, I continue taking several breaths until I'm calm enough.

Once I've calmed down enough to look around I do so, I notice that Applejack and Rainbow have concern clear on their face and I also notice that I'm being stared at by pretty much everyone in the cafeteria.
My heart is still pounding but I sit back down and my shoulders slump. Holy fucking shit I really need a therapist.

"Everyone watched me panic." I think and the realization hits me like a ton of bricks. I need to get out of here, everyone watched me have whatever it was called. Flashbacks I think?

"Sunset? What happened darlin'?"

I take a shaky breath and shake my head no. I needed to get out of here so I stand up and book it. I ignore their calling out for me as I run out of the cafeteria and right into the vice principal.

She lets out a startled yelp and turns to look at who bumped into her, "Sunset?" She pauses and must've noticed how I looked like I was three seconds away from panicking again. "Are you alright?"

I nod and try to move past her but she grabs my wrist gently to prevent me from moving. "You certainly don't look alright, what happened?"

"I'm fine."

"You don't look fine."

"I- Sorry. I just need to get some air."

Luna frowns and lets go. "Alright, but there's only maybe ten minutes before lunch ends."

"I won't be late for class."

"I know you won't be, but you look a little pale. Do you need to go to the nurse's office?"

I think upon her question for a second before nodding no. "I probably should but.. I.. Oh fuck this, I need to talk to you in private."

She opens her mouth to talk. I'm pretty sure she's going to chastise me for swearing, but instead she closes it and nods, gesturing for me to follow her.
I do so and the walk to her office is uncomfortably quiet, she only starts speaking once we're safely in her office away from prying eyes and ears. I also notice her office is pretty dark. "What's on your mind Sunset?"

I trust princess Luna, I can trust her too I hope. I sigh and decide to take the leap, talking with her is ironically less intimidating than it is with Celestia. "Okay I uh.. Applejack was trying to talk to me at lunch and then Rainbow and Pinkie come up behind her and.. I'm not ready to talk to her or Pinkie and so I get a little annoyed."

I take a bit of a break to regain my breath, I got that out all in one go and my lungs were yelling at me to let them breathe. "I snap at them and Rainbow tells me to listen because they wanted to apologize."

Luna hums and nods, she looks intrigued with what I have to say. I take another breath and continue. "But something in the way Rainbow said it brought me back to when I tried to convince them that I was innocent. I relived it, I heard all their hurtful words again."

"Sunset, I believe they triggered a PTSD flashback. Sometimes someone's tone of voice can trigger it."

"Aw shit." I grumble, I know she's probably right but I'm pretty upset that now I have more shit to deal with.

"Indeed, but please watch your language. PTSD flashbacks can be triggered by certain smells or even the faintest memory of the event. In this case I'm certain that Rainbow Dash's tone had triggered you."

"What am I supposed to do now vice principal Luna? Principal Celestia has given me a list of therapists I could go to but this is going to complicate things even more."

"What I'd suggest Sunset is that you take your time and find the right therapist who you feel comfortable with, a decent therapist would listen and help you find a psychiatrist to prescribe you mediation if it's determined you need it. But in the meantime you could come to me and I'll help you to the best of my abilities."

My stomach is doing flips, things are only getting more and more complicated and I'm not sure how to deal with it. I need to get a therapist as soon as I can because if I don't find ways to help take care of my mental health then I'm sure things are only going to get worse. "I.. You're right VP, thank you."

I see her smile, her confidence in me makes me feel a little better about the whole thing. "Of course Sunset, you're an intelligent young lady and if anyone assumes that you're just going to give up, then they couldn't be more wrong."

The bell rings and I see her scoot back and open a desk drawer, she pulls out a slip of paper and writes something down on it before handing it to me. "Here, you won't get detention if you hand this to your teacher. It excuses your lateness for that class."

I take the paper and smile, I'm really glad that I took the chance and let her know what happened. She and princess Luna act similar and for that I'm incredibly glad, I stand up and put the chair back to where it originally was. "Thank you vice principal."

She smiles and nods, pointing to the door to indicate that I need to get my dumbass to class. "You're welcome Sunset, now off you go."

I don't respond and I follow her instructions, I leave her office and pass by Ms. Inkwell who's too busy to notice my presence. I leave the main office and walk to my locker, the hallways are empty so I don't have to worry about everyone's judgement about what happened earlier.

I unlock my locker and grab the books out of it that I need and get to class. Ms. Pansy and Mr. Kelp's classes are.. So incredibly boring that me and several others nearly fell asleep during it.
It's nothing against them but they have a horrible tendency to go on and on about one particular thing and not get to the lesson. Luckily for me these are the last two classes of the day and once the final bell rings I'm free for the day.

I get my things out of my locker and sling my backpack over my shoulder, I make my way outside where Rarity and Fluttershy are waiting for me. I go over to them and wave with my free arm. "Hi girls, how'd your classes go?"

"Goodness darling! Are you alright? I heard what happened during lunch from Fluttershy."

"Rarity-" Fluttershy hisses and nudges her gently, "I thought we agreed not to talk about that."

I cringe, I wasn't really interested in telling Rarity that I might've had a PTSD flashback. "I'm fine, I just learned something that's going to complicate my goals of trying to be friends with you girls again."

"Oh."

"Yeah. I'll be fine though, I'm not going to let it get the best of me so easily. I promise. I'm gonna fight like a motherfucker to get things figured out and back to normal."

"Is there anything we can do to help you somehow darling? I can't imagine what you're struggling with and I want to do anything I can to help you."

I'm silent for a hot second. "Yes. Just don't give up on me."

"We won't ever give up on you."

"We'll never abandon you again!"

I hear them both tell me at the same time, I feel a little bad that I'm struggling so much but their reassurances make me feel a lot better about myself. I've got friends by my side and I'm going to be okay in the end, I just have to fight for it. "Thank you. It means a lot to me."

They nod and Rarity smiles at me and 'Shy. "Now girls, does one of you need a ride home?"

"I would like one, but I can walk."

"Same." I chuckle, "Thanks for the ride earlier by the way, I don't remember if I thanked you for it or not."

"I believe you did, and I'm able to drive you both home no problem."

"Thanks Rarity."

"Yeah, thanks Rares. Oh, I call shotgun!" I cackle like a madwoman and run over to the car, Fluttershy and Rarity follow suit and Rarity unlocks the car so I can take my seat that I've claimed for the ride home.

The ride home is peaceful and we chat about random things and generally have a nice time, Fluttershy's house is closer to school than mine is so she gets dropped off first.
We say goodbye to Fluttershy for the day and I tell her to text me if she needs anything, I made sure she has my number before Rarity pulls off.

"Hey Sunset?"

"Huh? Yeah?"

"Are you sure you're going to be okay?"

I look over and frown, pondering over her question. "What do you mean?"

"Are you.." She gulps and her hands grip the steering wheel tighter. "Are you going to attempt suicide again?"

Oh. I don't know how to answer that, for now I know for sure I'm not going to but say.. Two months in the future things might go horribly wrong and I just might try again, I decide I need to be honest with her. "For now definitely not, in the future however.. I don't know. I sure hope I don't."

She nods and I assume she accepted my answer. "You know that you're my friend and that I sincerely care about you, right?"

"I know Rares, I care about you too. Just don't worry about it alright? I'm not going to give up without a fight."

"You promise?"

"I promise." I reassure gently, watching her visibly relax as I do. I fully intend to keep my promise to her, even if it's the last thing I fucking do.

We're now really close to my apartment, Rarity's been silent for a while now and I just know that she's still worrying. I get that feeling, sometimes you can't help but worry about someone or something. She pulls up next to the sidewalk and stops so I could get out.

"I'll talk to you tomorrow or Sunday."

"Ah, today's Friday right?"

She nods. "Mhm. Why'd you ask?"

"Just forgot temporarily, anyways I'll talk to you later. Drive safe."

I get out of the vehicle and close the door, she waves to me and I wave back before she drives off. I smile and turn around to go home, I walk up the steps to my apartment and unlock the door before stepping in and taking my shoes off.
I need to tell Twilight about the flashback, maybe it'll help explain why I'm having such a hard time with forgiving and rekindling my friendships with them.

I toss my backpack down onto the floor and go climb up to my loft, I grab the journal and pen, I go and sit on my bed, opening the journal and starting to write my message to Twilight.

Author's Note

Alright everyone, I'm trying to handle the subject of PTSD with utmost respect, I'm doing a ton of research on it to try and understand the symptoms so I can represent it in fiction properly.

Personally I don't have it so that's why chapters that contain mentions of and/or contain PTSD flashbacks may take a little longer to write. My heart goes out to anyone who suffers from it and I wish you the best.

Gotta love reoccuring nightmares

I got up and left the journal on my bed, I went downstairs and opened my fridge. This time my sense of smell wasn't assaulted by a vicious stench, I hum an old lullaby princess Celestia used to sing whenever I was anxious and grab a snack I bought two days ago when I'd gone to the store with Rarity and close the fridge door.
I turn around and go walk over to my couch, and sit down to enjoy my nice chocolate bar. I don't remember getting sleepy but the next thing I know I'm back in that cage that the royal guards had thrown me into to get me to.. Where was it?

I turn around and look at the soldiers pulling the cart that I've been locked in. "Sir, where am I going?"

The guard doesn't give me a proper response, he just turns his head to glower at me.

"I'm in a fucking cage I think I'm entitled to an explanation." I snap at him and he stops suddenly, he and his partner detach themselves from the front of the cart and walk over to the cage's door, he opens it with his magic and his hoof meets the side of my face as he slaps me.

"Quiet, prisoner. You have been sentenced to Tartarus by her majesty for your crimes."

"W-What? But I thought she-"

The soldiers don't reply and instead close the door, hitching themselves up to the cart again to pull me to my new home. I don't say anything for a good few minutes as I'm too shocked to form the words I wanted to. I thought princess Celestia forgave me?

I'm suddenly aware that the clanking of their armor had stopped, I swivel my ears around to listen for anything and I'm praying that we haven't reached Tartarus. I'm staring at the bottom of the cage, I don't think that I'll be able to keep myself from screaming for help if I look up.

"Your majesty, the prisoner we are transporting has been condemned by her majesty, princess Celestia." I hear the stallion speak, he sounds nervous and I wonder if princess Luna is here to bring me to Tartarus personally.

"Release your prisoner, guards. Tis an order."

"But your majesty-"

"Do you dare disobey a direct order from your lunar princess?" I look up at her and I see she looked angry, I feel my heart beating faster, is she here to bring me to hell?

He salutes and detaches himself from the cart, I watch him walk around the side and once he gets to the door our eyes meet. He glares at me and does as he is told.
I step out of the cart, my legs are shaking and I can barely stand, let alone walk. I look up to her and her expression softens.

"It's simply a nightmare Sunset, Celestia has forgiven you long ago and occasionally asks me how you are doing."

I look around and notice the surrounding has changed into Canterlot Castle's dining room, she takes a seat and motions for me to do the same. I take a shaky breath and do as she wishes. "Princess Luna, why am I having these nightmares?"

"I don't know Sunset. Your nightmare has been about my dear sister banishing you to Tartarus, correct?"

I nod, my legs are still shaking slightly from the fresh memories of the nightmare. I don't know why I'm having that nightmare or why it continued this time. "Yes princess.."

"I believe that your subconscious doesn't fully believe me when I say that Celestia has forgiven you. She misses you greatly Sunset, she heard about what you were going through from Twilight and I had to convince her not to find a way to open the portal and storm through to the other side and.. Tear them a new one."

"Maybe.. I just- I don't know Luna. Something happened today and it's likely that I've got PTSD. Things are only getting harder and I don't know if I'm going to make it through, I've told my friends that I will only because I don't want them to worry.."

"Oh Sunset.." The sadness in her voice is painful to listen to. "I know things are incredibly difficult as of now, but I know that you are stronger than you give yourself credit for. You've proven you're already strong, you went through a living hell and came out alive."

"I'm scared, princess. I want to talk to Celestia again but I'm so scared. What if she didn't truly forgive me?"

"Sunset." She says sternly, I can't meet her gaze. "If she hadn't forgiven you would she have pardoned you for your crimes?"

"I.. No, I don't think she would have."

"She's forgiven you. I told her that you wanted me to tell her that you send your apologies and her face lit up when she learned I had spoken to you, she wanted me to tell you that if you should return to Equestria that she'd like you to visit her in Canterlot."

My breath hitches and tears form in my eyes, she really has forgiven me and I was being paranoid over nothing. "I.. Thank you Luna. I'm sorry that-"

She held up an armored hoof up to stop me. "Nonsense, I will not accept an apology when you have done nothing wrong."

I sniffle and wipe my eyes with a hoof, I feel a lot better now thanks to the stunning lunar princess. "Thank you."

She nods and looks around at the dream castle. "Hm. You haven't seen the renovated castle yet have you? This is the old dining room."

"Old dining room?"

"Oh yes, when I returned Celestia was in the process of having many of the old wings of the castle refurbished. The dining room only got redone when I pointed out that there were hazardous materials in the walls, I had learned later that the last time the castle got updated was in the mid eighteen-thirties. I did a little digging and found that the ponies then used very unsafe building materials that caused death and a variety of health issues."

"Oh wow. Yeah the ponies back then also didn't give babies painkillers for operations because they had the impression that they couldn't feel pain. Anyways thank you for talking to me Luna, I've been an idiot recently and I guess I'm going to have to work harder than I thought I'd have to." I sigh. Shit, things were getting more complicated and it was starting to get annoying, but I only have myself to blame for that.

"I'm aware, they didn't give foals painkillers before I was banished either. Mainly it was because modern medicines weren't around. And it's no problem at all Sunset, you are my friend and I will always do my best to be here for you even though we are a world apart. It's time for you to wake up now, but when we meet next I'm hoping to hear about further progress with rekindling your old friendships."

I nod and she lights her horn, I'll never get used to the sensation of being aware that I'm waking up, it's incredibly strange and it feels like I'm neither here nor there. I close my eyes to try and negate the odd feeling and it works, soon enough I feel the couch cushions pressing on the back of my neck and I'm aware that I'm not in my bed. Oh. Right, I fell asleep on my couch.

I ended up on the floor with my head on the cushion in a strange and incredibly awkward position, I get up and stretch, groaning as I do so. I wipe the sleep from my eyes and look around.
The sun's only just starting to peek over the horizon so I know it's early, I grumble and wonder why princess Luna couldn't have just let me sleep a little while longer, my stomach rumbles and lets me know I haven't eaten for over a day.

My legs carry me over to the kitchen where I open the door to my fridge, I have nothing much in my fridge except a few chocolate bars and other snacks that I didn't really need, I remember that I was in a coma for two weeks and Rarity helped me get rid of all the old food.

Well fuck, I know what I'm doing today I guess.

Author's Note

Gotta love pushing yourself to write when you're incredibly burnt out, sorry if this is bad quality folks. :twilightsheepish:

Things get way worse

My body is still sore from when I took a nice leap off the roof of my school but I know that I need to go to the store and buy groceries to last for at least two days, I'm pretty sure I get my paycheck on Monday and I'll probably be able to hold out until I get paid and can buy groceries to last a week or two, but I'm hungry now and chocolate bars aren't going to last until I receive my pay.

I chuckle and grab my phone that's on the other couch cushion, I check the time then I open my notes app and write down a short grocery list. "Milk, eggs, cheese, bread, uhh.. What else? Oh, right. Butter and some veggies."

I think back on what princess Luna said and I decide that I'm going to take charge of today, I want to stop by Sugarcube Corner and see if Pinkie's working today because I want to try and talk to her, Applejack and Rainbow Dash will have to wait a while longer, however I do owe Applejack an apology for freaking out at her during lunch.

I make sure I'm dressed, since I'm not exactly in the mood to go streaking and get arrested for public indecency when I'm trying to simply go shopping for food. I double check that I am in fact dressed. When I have confirmed I'm dressed I check my pockets and verify that my money is in there and do a little jig, quickly moving to leave.

I get my ass out of my apartment and the chill of the cold hits me, it goes straight through my jacket and holy shit it's cold. I shrug and decide to keep going, maybe the cold will motivate me to move faster.
I smile and turn around to start walking, the journey would be worth it in the end so I'm not forced to go hungry for a few days and that's very good.

Smartway is not too far off when I hear someone call my name, I spin around to see Gilda approaching me. Oh sweet Celestia give me strength, I really don't want to fight her, I'd get my ass handed to me.

"Shimmer! Hold up."

I freeze on the spot, let out a tired sigh, and stand there waiting for the notorious bully to catch up. "What is it Gilda?

"Relax Shimmer, I'm not gonna hurt ya. I actually wanted to tell you that I knew you weren't Anon."

"Huh?"

"I mean you knew about my previous fling with Rainbow, remember when you came up to me and said you had the pictures to prove it? And you could've outed me if you really were Anon-A-Bitch."

My mouth opens and I'm about to talk but I shut my mouth again. I am actually speechless that Gilda of all people would have my back, I genuinely have no clue what to say or think.

"Some people still say you're Anon and that you forced the bitches to confess somehow, but I kick their ass whenever they open their mouths to say that."

"I.. Huh. I didn't expect you to say that."

"You thought I was gonna harass you?"

I nod meekly, I'd seriously misjudged Gilda and it was pretty embarrassing. "Yeah.. Sorry."

She snorted and rolled her eyes. "Hey man, I might be an asshole but I don't condone bullying someone to the point they throw themselves off a roof."

"Fair."

"Where you goin' though Shimmy?"

"Smartway to get food for at least two days."

"Ohh, well have fun with that."

"I won't." I smirk and give her the finger guns before walking off, I hear her laughing pretty hard as I walk away.
Man, Gilda is way cooler than I thought.

I continue walking to Smartway, my body is still sore from my incident and sleeping awkwardly on my couch, but it's manageable and it doesn't bother me too much. I get to where I needed to be and go inside, and oh boy there's a lot of options.

My shopping trip went relatively smoothly, I got what I needed and only what I needed to survive for the next few days. Reminding myself that I had to carry it all home helped in keeping the item count low.
I forgot how the badly plastic bags hurt my fingers, getting home was a bitch and a half considering I had decided to put a few bags on my wrist like a bracelet to help me get the shit I bought home, so my wrists and fingers were hurting due to the handles bunching up and digging into my flesh.

I get home and gently place the bags on the floor, my fingers hurt like a bitch and I wish I'd brought a cart or something to make my trip easier. I groan in discomfort because my fingers are really sore and I don't want to have to put things away but I knew that I'd have to because I had perishables. I grab the bags two at a time and move them into the kitchen, I had maybe four or five bags total so it didn't take long.

My fingers are still very sore, but I'm determined to get things put away while I remember and have the energy. I'm in the process of putting things away when there's a knock at my door, I look up and frown, I didn't remember making plans for someone to visit. I get up and go to my door, I look through the peephole and when I see it's Rarity my sprits are improved significantly.

"Is Rarity my best friend?" I think as I unlatch the chain and open the door gently. She probably is honestly, and I'm perfectly okay with that.

"Hi Rares, what brings you to my humble abode?" I step aside and gesture for her to enter, she nods and takes a few steps into my apartment.

"I'm very sorry about my unannounced visit darling, but I was wondering if you'd like to come with me to Sugarcube Corner for brunch?"

"Oh? Are you asking me out on a date?~" I wiggle my eyebrows suggestively and laugh, when I hear her sputter I decide to make it clear that I was joking. "I'm kidding Rarity, I was planning on going anyways so you had perfect timing."

She chuckles and I can see she's blushing, did I actually hit something there? "Wonderful, but if you feel uncomfortable with the fact that you might run into Pinkie Pie you could tell me and we'll go somewhere else."

"Actually I was hoping I'd be able to talk to Pinkie."

Her face lights up, I can tell she really wants me to become friends with the girls again, seeing her so full of hope gives me the confidence boost that I needed. "Really? Oh that's wonderful!"

"Mhm, I've been speaking to somepo- someone who's been a good friend and advisor."

"Could I ask who?"

"Well.. Princess Luna."

Her jaw drops upon hearing who I've been talking to. "Princess Luna?"

"Mhm. Princess Celestia's baby sister. She's the goddess of the moon and protects people from nightmares."

I find her shocked expression amusing, Rarity almost never let her mouth hang open since she says it's unladylike. "What? Hoping to catch flies?"

"So- You have connections to royalty? Are you a member of the nobility?"

My brows furrow and I think for a moment, I really don't know the answer to her question. "Yes I do, and I might be? I was always addressed as Lady Shimmer by everypony- everyone, sorry.
I tend to slip back into my old way of speaking whenever I talk about Equestria. But I was always called a Lady, but I don't truly know because I don't have any documents to signify I hold any title."

She nods and hums. "That's.. Quite amazing. And gives context to the time when you called our vice principal a princess."

I feel my cheeks heat up, I knew some people heard that but I was unaware that Rarity was one of them. "H-Hey give me a break, I had only just gotten to this world and seeing someone who was supposed to be on the moon caught me off guard."

Rarity laughs, she puts her hand over her mouth to try and quiet it down. "I know darling, but it was amusing because her confusion was very clear to see. But.. She was supposed to be on the moon?"

"Mhm. She was on it for a thousand years."

"Why?"

I felt my stomach rumble and I realized how hungry I actually was. "I'll tell you later, I'm really hungry right now."

"Ah right. We should get to the café before the lines get outrageous, everyone wants to go when Pinkie's working."

"Well everybody loves Pinkie, she's sunshine in human form."

"Indeed she is darling. Would you like to walk or do you want to take my car?"

I shrug, I really don't care how we get there. "Up to you, I don't really give a s- I mean I don't really mind how we get there, all I care about is that we get there alive."

She chuckles and rolls her eyes, I could tell my dramatic statement was amusing to her. "I'm sure we'll get there perfectly safe Sunset."

"I know, I just want to make sure you know that I want to be alive and able to get a delicious snack from the café."

"Come then, we shan't keep your treats from you for long."

I clap my hands together excitedly, I really was looking forward to getting a nice shake and a pastry or two. "Great, after you Rarity."

We leave my apartment and I doublecheck that it's locked up, once I'm appeased I go and get into her car and buckle up. She was already in her car and when I'm in she starts the engine and pulls out of her parking space. "Sunset? Could I ask you a question?-"

"You just did."

"You know what I meant."

"I know, but sure, shoot."

"I just- Gah.. Nevermind, I replayed my question in my head and it sounded pretty bad."

"You sure?"

"Mhm."

"Okay then. You got me at the perfect time because I'd just got home from the store."

"Again?"

"Mhm, this time with food instead of cleaning supplies and candy." I chuckle and pull my phone out, unlocking it and checking the time. Ten thirty. "We're early enough that the lines won't be too long, but we'll have to hurry if we want to get the freshly baked goodies."

She hums softly to herself and keeps her focus on the road. We were almost there and were maybe a block away when she brakes suddenly, jolting us both forward.
Unfortunately she didn't stop in time and we were t-boned from my side, I felt an indescribable pain in my arm and head, the world felt like it was spinning and I was made aware that we were upside down when I felt the blood rush to my presumably injured head.

I take several uneven breaths and try to unbuckle my seatbelt, I'm unable to for a reason I'm not yet aware of. I look at my arm and a choked scream escapes my throat when I see that the passenger door was crushed inwards and pinning my arm tightly against my body. My thoughts then shift to Rarity and I feel a surge of adrenaline. "Rarity?"

When she doesn't answer I turn to look at her, her eyes are closed and I think she may be dead. "Rarity!? Please- Please answer me-"

My head hurts so much and my eyes feel like they're about to pop out of their sockets, I'm also very dizzy and it occurs to me that this is how I'm going to die. I feel tears form in my eyes that promptly fall since I'm stuck upside down. I don't want to die.

I feel my consciousness start to fade and I've accepted that I'm going to die, I'm at peace with the fact that I've reached the end of my story and I regret not being able to become friends with all of the girls again, I want to tell princess Celestia that she was the best mother figure I've ever had and that I love her.
I have so many things that I wanted to do in life that I know I'll never be able to do now.

I hear sirens off in the distance as I make one last effort to use my relatively uninjured arm to unbuckle my seatbelt, however I'm unable to as I'm so lightheaded and so very weak. I just want to help my best friend and it kills me that I can't, even if I die I want to ensure that Rarity will at the very least be okay.
I'm so dizzy, I'm coming closer to death, my whole body hurts so much.

The sirens are much closer now but I know they're going to be too late, I close my eyes and prepare for my transition into whatever afterlife I'm being sent to.
I'll miss them all so much, Celestia, Luna, Discord, my current friends, my former friends, I hope they'll all be okay after I'm gone. I don't want them to mourn me, I lived and shared many pleasant memories with them and I want them to be glad I lived, I want them to celebrate my life..

My eyes close and I take what I assume are my last breaths. I breathe out one final message to my former mentor and mother figure. "I'm sorry."

Author's Note

Good guy Gilda? Good guy Gilda!

Anyhow I got a little carried away here but oh well, drama hopefully is nice to read and very entertaining to write.

And no, there is no shipping in this fic, there might be a lil' bit of maybe not so platonic tension here and there but there is zero shipping in this fic. Maybe another fic though, you'll have to wait and see.

I'm working on more chapters and releasing them once I've finished the next one just to make sure I have stuff to post when I get burnt out (like literally now).

End of the line?

My eyes flutter open and I stare up at the ceiling of wherever I am, the area around me is seemingly a void and I wonder if I'm in hell and this is the punishment I'm receiving for my sins during my life.
I sit up and look around and I think I'm in the void, there was no light whatsoever piercing through the oppressive darkness surrounding me.

I look up in front of me and see a door shaped portal, on the other side of it were fields of flowers and sunlight. I look at my hands and see hooves in it's place, I'm a pony, I'm not in the human world anymore, in fact I don't think I'm even in the world of the living. I force myself to stand on shaky hooves and wander towards the portal.

"I'm gone.. I'm.. I'm actually dead." I gasp, the realization hitting me hard, I move closer to the mysterious door to the afterlife, if I step into the portal I will be brought to where I will spend eternity.
My heart is pounding in my chest as I get closer to it, is it all a ruse and once I step through then it will reveal itself to have been an awful trick and that I am in hell?

I'm so close to the door, I look through it and it seems so inviting. I reach out to stick my hoof through it when I hear my name bellowed by someone, my ears swivel and I look around to see who was calling out for me.
I can't see very far around me since the overwhelming darkness is preventing me from seeing beyond maybe ten feet.

"Sunset Shimmer do not step through that door!" Someone- No- Somepony in the distance had lit their horn and was coming closer as each second passed. I recognize the voice and the aura of her pale blue magic instantly.

"Princess Luna?-"

She gallops towards me at full speed, trying to reach me before I step through the door, the look on her face conveys strong panic and worry. "Do not enter that portal, if you do then you will never be able to return to your loved ones!"

"But I don't have a choice, princess! I-I'm dead, if I don't step through it then I'll be stuck here forever."

"Sunset, no, you don't understand. You are not dead, many ponies before you have thought they have passed and moved on through the portal and have had their lives ended before their time. The creator has given you a chance to decide whether you want to live or move onto the realm of the honored dead. The creator is not great at communicating that fact at all, it is more of a choice, they are asking you if you wish to pass on, not forcing you to do so."

Her words ring in my head, I glance at the jet black floor. "So I can go back..?"

"Yes, of course you can. But you must remain here until your body wakes up on it's own, tis physically impossible to force yourself to wake up in this state. Trying to will not end well for you."

I remain quiet, I genuinely hope what she's saying is true, I don't have a reason to not believe her but I'm so scared. I have so much I want to do in life, I want to see princess Celestia again, I want to be friends with all of the girls again. "I.."

The stunningly gorgeous mare embraces me suddenly, holding me close to her barrel. It really comforts me, it lets me know that Luna is speaking true. "I can see you're terrified my friend, I promise you that you will wake up, though I do not know why you are so close to death.. I have faith that you will recover."

My breathing is unsteady and I hold onto her like she will turn to dust if I let go, I'm scared and worried about Rarity. I wouldn't know what to do with myself if she's gone. "I.. Okay. I got into a car accident, me and Rarity both and I-" I choke back sobs, I must've unintentionally let out a sad whimper because she holds me tighter and closer to her. "I-I don't know if she's okay, Luna! I'm so worried."

"I pray she is alright Sunset, I have faith that she would be okay and even though I haven't a clue on what a 'car' is, I have a feeling that she is safe and is being taken care of."

I sniffle, I really hope she's right. I can't lose one of my best friends, she and Twilight are the ones I trust the most. "A car is like.. A metal carriage that moves significantly faster and the one steering it is in control and crashes can be fatal, even more so than carriages in Equestria."

I take a breath and steady my breathing before I pull away from her and continue, I explain in great detail what a car is and how it operates. I assume she listened intently because her mouth hangs open in what I interoperate as awe. "So that is what a car is, also called an automobile, or vehicle."

"Incredible.."

"Mhm, it can be very dangerous, especially with the amount of idiots behind the wheel these days. One is responsible for.. What happened."

I heard her snort, I look up to see she had put a hoof over her mouth to muffle her giggles. "I share the same sentiment, many fools are driving carts when they realistically shouldn't. But you are alive and will recover, that is what is important. I am sure that Rarity is still among the living as well and is resting."

I smile and roll my eyes at her and we both tense up when the inky darkness around us starts shifting and shuddering, it seemed to be alive and it freaked me the fuck out. "I-Is this normal?"

"Indeed but it always is unnerving when this happens, you are beginning to return to consciousness. The darkness may shift because it senses that you are still here and it is going to pull you back into your body. I must go, I don't know what will happen if we are both pulled into your body, and I'm not keen on finding out."

I nod, I don't want her to leave me alone in the creepy and seemingly sentient void, but I'm also not to willing to have to share my body with her since that would be a nightmarish situation to deal with.
She stands up, our eyes meet for a brief moment and she smiles before she lights her horn, vanishing in a split second with the usual crack-pop sound of teleportation.

I remain sitting in the oppressive darkness and I see it begin to fold on itself and start descending on me, this shit was unbelievably freaky and I hated it, but if it was the only way to go back to the human world that I called my home then so be it.

Author's Note

Got a little carried away ha.

Unfortunately I think this will be the last chapter of Warhorse for a while, my mental health really hasn't been great lately but I'm still trying to write at least a few words per day.

Yet another hospital stay

I was on edge, even though the darkness wouldn't likely harm me it still was unnecessarily spooky and I couldn't relax no matter how hard I tried to. I don't know when or how I was put back in my body, but I could hear the beeping of a heart monitor somewhere in the room and I figured I was back.

I opened one of my eyes and deemed it was safe to open the other one when my eyesight wasn't assaulted by obnoxious lights. I felt an oxygen mask on me, the clear plastic of the mask was pressing onto my face and causing a little discomfort, however my first thought is to try to find Rarity and see if she's in the room with me.
I try to sit up but find that it's way too painful to move much at the moment, I whimper and lay there worrying about my best friend. Is she dead? Was I the only one who made it out alive?

I turn my head slowly and notice that I'm in a double-occupancy room, I feel a glimmer of hope that Rarity is in the bed next to mine. I won't know for certain until the person in the bed says something or the curtain separating us is drawn so I could see.

The person in the bed doesn't take long to start making noise. Were they crying? It doesn't matter because I'd be upset too if I had to stay in the hospital for long. I decide to take my chance and find out for sure who's in that bed.

"Rarity?" I croak, glad the oxygen mask didn't hinder my ability to speak too much.

The crying stops and I hear a few sniffles, the person doesn't respond for a while and I figure they're getting themself under control so they could hold a short conversation.

"Sunset?"

My heart skips a beat when I hear the familiar accented voice, words couldn't even begin to describe the joy I felt to know that my best friend is alive. "Yes, I.. I was so worried about you Rarity-"

I hear her start to cry again, I wanted to get up and comfort her so badly but I knew my body would stop me very viciously if I attempted to go over. "Rares, it's okay, I'm okay and so are you. We're alive."

"I-It's not that.. I woke up yesterday a-and you stopped breathing multiple times and they- The last time it took them nearly thirty damn minutes t-to bring you back. You would be dead if it wasn't for a very determined nurse who wouldn't stop chest compressions. I was so scared Sunset, you were g-gone for such a long time.."

"... Rarity, please take deep breaths. I'm here now, and I'm going to heal, and I just know that you will too."

She doesn't reply and I hear her sniffle, I'm so glad that she's okay. No words can accurately describe just how glad I am that she's alive.

"Sunset."

"Hm?"

"You took most of the impact, the other driver was intoxicated and he's been arrested and is being charged with a DUI and vehicular assault. It's a miracle you're alive and the worst injury you've got is a broken arm and multiple fractured ribs."

"I- That's it?"

"By some miracle, yes."

"What about you Rarity, how badly are you hurt?"

"Luckily it's about the same as yours darling, I had my wrist broken, broke several of my ribs too, and I dislocated my shoulder."

"Fuck, ow."

"Mhm."

"How- How long have we been out?" I ask, hoping it hadn't been too long since I had just bought groceries the day of the accident.

"I was unconscious for three days, you for four."

I let out a relieved sigh, I really didn't have the funds to buy more stuff right now and the hospital bills are going to be so much fun to worry about. "Okay, good. I'm glad it hasn't been too long because I literally bought groceries an hour or two before we had our little crash."

"That's what you're worried about?"

"What do you- Oh."

"Fluttershy was inconsolable yesterday, poor girl heard about the nurse having to do CPR for such a long time and thought you'd never wake up."

"Sorry.. I guess I'm still not thinking straight because of what happened."

"It's alright darling, you've just woken up too."

I bite my lower lip and grunt in thought. "D'you think that she's going to visit tomorrow?"

"She said she'd try to, so yes."

"Ah. Great, I want to ask her something."

I hear her chuckle and whine, it must've hurt to laugh. Good to know.

I yawn and take a deep breath, I feel a sharp pain and I whimper due to it, oh Celestia this is going to be awful to deal with.
I take another breath and decide that I should try to breathe shallowly for awhile to try and avoid as much pain as possible.

"I'm going to get some rest now Rarity, so if I don't respond to any conversation it's probably because I'm sound asleep."

"Of course darling, pleasant dreams."

"You too Rares."

I close my eyes and lay there thinking about how lucky me and Rarity are, things could have gone so much worse and ended up in tragedy, but somehow we managed to escape death relatively unharmed.
More like she escaped death and I nearly succumbed to my own curiosity, but we were okay and would live to see another day.

My throat is so dry and sore, I feel the need to cough and I mentally scream. My ribs are going to make my life a living hell once I am eventually unable to escape the cough that I feel coming.
Unfortunately for me, the cough comes quicker than I anticipated and oh sweet fucking Celestia the pain was excruciating.

"Are you okay darling? That cough sounded dry and very painful."

"Ow.. Fuck."

"I'll take that as a no."

I chuckle, yet another mistake as my chest tells me to go fuck myself and I whine, this day can go fuck itself six ways to Sunday. "Stop making me laugh, laughter isn't the best medicine in this case."

It was my turn for revenge, my comment made her laugh and I heard her wheeze and groan. "Ouch.."

"I really should really get some rest now, I'll talk to you when I wake up."

"Yes." She wheezes, and coughs. "As should l."

"Sweet dreams Rarity."

"You too Sunset."

I hum and close my eyes, sleep embraces me quickly and I'm immediately thrown back into Luna's dream realm, I don't know why I keep returning there, but I'm not going to mull over it for too long when I could simply ask the one who the realm belongs to.

Author's Note

Yeeee I got a random burst of inspiration at 6 something in the morning.

I find it's hilarious that I say that there might not be any chapters published for a while and then not even a week later I'm like "Haha sike."

Writing is therapeutic to me so even though I'm not really doin' too great there's still gonna be a chapter every few days I think, so enjoy my writing if you want to!

Freedom at last

I wake up the next morning and strangely enough I don't remember anything about my dreams or if princess Luna visited me.
I groan and stare up at the ceiling, I want to talk to Rarity but I don't want to wake her up if she isn't already awake. I'm so tempted to go back to sleep, I hear her start to stir. I hear her whine when I assume she did something to make her chest hurt.

"Morning." I croak, my throat was painfully dry and I required water otherwise I would get even crankier than I already was.

"Mmh.. Good morning darling."

"Sleep well?"

"I woke up twice, how about you Sunset?"

"I drifted off and immediately woke up maybe five minutes ago, no dreams this time." I cough and my throat tells me to go screw myself. "I need water so badly. I feel like I'm going to die if I don't drink anything."

Rarity hums and says nothing, maybe she wanted to go back to bed. Either way I don't blame her, we're both in pain and not in a great mood. I close my eyes and decide to go back to sleep when I hear her start talking.

"Hey Sunset?"

"Yeah?"

"Could you tell me more about Equestria?"

"Here?" I ask her, growing a little concerned that someone would overhear us.

"Ye- Oh, no I just realized something, could we speak about your home at a later date?"

I chuckle, she must've remembered that we're not in a private space and anyone could walk in at anytime. "Sure, perhaps I'll tell you about the mare on the moon."

She doesn't say anything as a knock at the door captures our attention, we quiet down so we're not overheard talking about Equestria. We stay quiet as one of the nurses walks in and approaches me first since I'm the one closest to the door.

"Good morning ladies, how are you both feeling today?" He asked the both of us.

"I'm alright sir."

"I'm thirsty and need water before I do or say something stupid in an attempt to get some." I grumble, it was pretty funny that Rarity was graceful and polite and then I'm here being blunt, but I needed water asap.

He chuckled and turned away to try and hide it even though I noticed his shoulders heaving. He turned around to look at me again and spoke. "I'll bring you both breakfast as well if you ladies would like it."

"Oh yes please."

My stomach growls and answers for me, but I still decide to use my words because I'm a grown-ish woman and I'm perfectly capable of talking. "That sounds great, thanks."

"Of course, I'll be back soon."

I hum and I look over to see Rarity trying to sit up, she grunted in pain and laid back down. I said nothing and took another painful deep breath, I was glad I was alive and I wanted to tell Rarity about what I saw in the living void but I decided not to. It'd be a story for later, maybe a party story if I go back to attending parties like before.

"Hey Rarity? How would one tell someone about what death is like without making them panic?"

I hear her inhale sharply, my question probably caught her off guard. "I don't know. Did you experience something?"

"Yeah. I just want to want.. I don't know, I just want to tell someone about it without freaking them out."

"You could tell me since I know the context for why you saw the afterlife."

"I know Rares, it'll have to wait a while since despite being a somewhat short story I'll sound fothermucking insane."

".. Did you just masterfully avoid swearing while swearing?"

"Damn right I did!" I laugh and immediately wheeze, my ribs hurt whenever I took a breath, moved too quickly, coughed, or laughed. "Aw fuck.. Oww."

"So close."

"Shut the up fuck bitch ma'am."

"Now you're not speaking English."

I snort and inhale, deciding to fuck with Rarity a little. "Me no speaky speaky English am colorful horse alien yeeyee."

She doesn't talk, only laughing pretty hard in response. My joke clearly was a pretty big success, I'm glad because it was funny in my opinion.
It lightened the mood considerably, even I don't feel as mentally awful because of my own joke.

I smirk and close my eyes again simply trying to rest before the nurse returns with breakfast, I idly wonder when I'm going to get out of the hospital again and what I'll have to do when returning to school. I don't know how long I rest before the nurse comes back, he's carrying two trays and gives me mine.

I force myself to sit up so I can eat, I dig in and inhale my food, I was so hungry and the second I noticed I had a juice box I drank it. The liquid made my throat not tell me to go kill myself and I was now a semi happy camper.
My meal left me hungry still and I grumbled, the nurse had done his checks while I was distracted and had vacated the room, I close my eyes and lean back in my bed. "Rarity."

"Yes?"

"I've been thinking about how things have been going recently and I sometimes feel like this is the world telling me to off myself."

"I- Why-" She pauses and I think she's contemplating her next words carefully. "Why would you think that? It's just been horrible luck Sunset, not anyone telling you that you should.. You know."

"I know.. I can't help feeling like the world wants me gone."

"I don't want you gone, I don't think any of the others want you gone either."

"Do you truly mean that?"

"Of course darling! I- You're one of my best friends."

"I 'unno Rares, sometimes I feel like I'd be doing everyone a favor by disappearing. Before you say anything I know I wouldn't, but the thoughts are still there and pop up occasionally to remind me of all of my failures."

"Sunset.." I hear her say softly, she sounds noticeably heartbroken and it only serves to make my heart hurt, I can't help feeling the way I do and it was a mistake to open up to her.

"Sorry, I started venting outta nowhere."

She says nothing and I don't break the uncomfortable silence, I want to go home to hide for a few hours and pretend like this incredibly awkward exchange never happened. I really hope that we'd be discharged soon.

I'm unaware of how much time passes but the doctor comes in and tells us we should be discharged within the hour and a discharge planner will come in to talk to us to help plan out the care we will receive when we're back at home.
I don't know what I'm going to do since I live alone and I'm nervous, I know Rarity is going to offer to let me live with her and her family but I can't let that happen. I'd only be a burden.

I sigh and she probably figured out that something's wrong, I cringe when I see her sit up in her bed. "Sunset, what's wrong darling?"

"I'm.. Fine."

"..."

I cringe, she's incredibly intelligent and probably is aware that I'm lying, I decide to let her win just this once. "Fine, I'm going to have a hard time adjusting because I don't have anyone to help me with the little things I'd no doubt need help with."

"Why don't you-"

"No. I'd be a burden." I say stiffly, I really didn't want to impose or be a burden on her and her family.

"You wouldn't, my home has too many unused bedrooms."

Her words make me think, is she saying that just to get me to accept or does she actually have a house that big? I remember her fancy car and I go with the latter, she probably does live in a house that big. "Alright fine, I just.. I don't want to be a burden."

"You wouldn't ever be a burden darling, I promise. However my parents will have to pick us up because my car has been destroyed."

"They might not be happy that I'm going to be staying with you."

"Nonsense, they'll be happy to have you."

"Okay, I'm just nervous about meeting your parents." I pause and feel like I need to try and make a joke. "And I'm not even your girlfriend, if I was this would be a lot more terrifying."

She chortles and moves her uninjured arm up to cover her mouth, I hear her trying to muffle her giggles and I smirk. She gets herself under control for the most part and lets out an amused 'really?'

"Hey, I couldn't pass the chance to make a joke like that up. But seriously, I'm still really nervous, what if they don't like me or-"

"Sunset. They'll like you, what I've told them about you they seemed to genuinely really like you."

"O-Okay.."

She says nothing and I look off at the wall the door is on. I've got mixed feelings about staying with Rarity, on one hand I'll have the help I need to function until I heal completely, but on the other hand I'll be imposing on them and I'll have to be in the same building as Sweetie Belle for a few months.

I'm pulled out of my thoughts by a knock on the door, a few moments later an older aged man walks into the room with some papers. "Good morning, I'm here to go over on what you ladies should do once you're discharged from the hospital."

I breathe a gentle sigh of relief, I can't wait to get out of there. He briefs us on what we should do and what we shouldn't do, giving helpful tips on how to recover as quickly as possible before leaving the room to let us get our regular clothes back on.

I'm in the process of getting out of bed when my red velvet cupcake cravings return in full force. "Rarity? If it's not too much trouble could we stop by Sugarcube Cor- Wait nevermind- I don't have much money on me and I'm not sure if my cash is still in my jacket pockets or not."

"I think we could, I'd just have to ask my parents to pay and I'll pay them back when I return to work."

"But-"

"I wish for something from the café too, remember? It's the reason why we were in the car in the first place. Plus I think we need it after all we've gone through."

"Heh, maybe, I'll just pay you back whenever I get access to my money again."

"No worries Sunset, it'll be on me."

I smile and don't bother trying argue, I really want those delicious cupcakes and who am I to argue with someone who's offering? I'll have to take her out to lunch sometime to pay her back for this though, but that's fine since I enjoy spending time with her.

We slowly get dressed and we very carefully make our way into the main lobby, Rarity's father is there waiting for her and quickly jumps up to go over.

"Rarity! We were so worried about you and your friend, we saw the aftermath of the accident and it's a miracle you both survived!" Her father was teary eyed as he gently hugged her, earning a wince from my poor fashionista friend.

"I'm alright daddy, but uhm.. Sunset lives alone and will probably need someone to help her so could she live with us for a few months until she's fully healed?"

He lets go of her and turns to look at me, his scrutinizing gaze makes me really nervous but he eventually stops and simply smiles widely. "Of course, you girls were in a nasty accident and anything you both need to recover will be given!"

"Thank you sir." I say uncharacteristically quietly, my anxiety was being a pain in the ass but he was an incredibly intimidating man.

"Of course young lady, now come on girls, we have to get you both home."

I nod and glance nervously at Rarity, she moves to the other side of me and gently grabs my hand, giving it a light squeeze before letting go and slowly following her father. I follow him as well and we both get to his car, I open the door for her to get in first and once she does I follow and plop a little too quickly onto the seat.

"Hey daddy? Could we go to Sugarcube Corner? Me and Sunset were on our way there for brunch when we got into the accident."

I look in the front mirror and see the large man smile and nod, he still scared the shit out of me but he seemed to be a jolly fellow. "Sure, a cookie from them does sound good right about now, and you know how your mother loves their cheese danishes."

I turn and look at her, she nods at me and I hear the car engine start. I breathe out and look out the window on my right, the grayscale skies were so pretty to me, it reminded me of Cloudsdale for some reason despite Cloudsdale being much prettier and built in a Greco-Roman style.

The car rolls backwards slowly and I smile, I'm finally going to talk to Pinkie again on top of getting a nice treat.

A chat with the Pink One

The drive to Sugarcube Corner was peaceful, me and my best friend were silent the whole ride mainly due to what I suspect was the presence of her father. Our normal conversations weren't vulgar but could be pretty questionable at times and neither of us wished to get in trouble with him.

I spot the café on my right and I watch as we pull into the parking lot, waiting a few seconds after the car has stopped moving fully before unbuckling my seatbelt with my uninjured arm and waiting for someone to open the car door since reaching over and opening it myself would be extremely painful right now.

Rarity's father opens my door first and I slowly get out of the car, I'm about to go try to open the door for my friend but he lifts a hand up to motion for me to stop and he opens the door for her himself, I look around at the cars parked and sigh, it's going to be swamped. Fuck.

I wait until she starts walking before I do, quickly following her into the busy café, I wasn't looking forward to dealing with the people staring at us and any Wondercolts coming up to ask what happened, or if they already knew then them trying to talk to me and tell me how worried they were.

The very second we step foot in the shop I notice that everybody turns to look at us, I glance nervously over at Rarity and she's looking at me, I give her a quick nod and we continue up to the counter where Pinkie is currently working.

Rarity is the first to talk to her, somehow managing to speak before Pinkie could even open her mouth. "Hello darling, so lovely to see you again."

"Rarity, Sunset! Welcome back!" She darted over to Rarity as I was just coming up beside her. "I was so worried about you girls, when I heard what happened I wanted to go visit immediately but Mr. and Mrs. Cake wouldn't let me go because they said that the doctors would need to take care of you guys and make sure you wouldn't die and I was so so worried!

She spoke in one breath and it was impressive, I opened my mouth to say something but Rarity beat me to it.

"We're okay Pinkie, we were on our way to come see you when the intoxicated driver hit us, but now that we're out of the hospital we immediately came for some of your delicious pastries darling!"

Pinkie gasped and rushed away, coming back shortly after with a tray of my favorite jumbo cupcakes and another tray of what I assume were Rarity's favorite treats, she put the snacks into two large brown bags and handed me and her a bag of our respective snacks.

I smile and held the bag with my uninjured hand, Pinkie didn't really do anything during Anon-A-Miss so it should be pretty easy to talk to her again, but the fact she didn't do anything during Anon also meant she didn't try to help me either. "Thank you Pinkie, how'd you know these are my favorite? Is it 'cause I order these every single time?"

"Yeppers! I also wanna make up for being such a meanie pants.."

"I'll leave you two to it, I'll be in the car after I pay for our stuff."

"It's on the house Rarebear, you've been through a lot of pain and I want to make your day a little better!"

My friend opens her mouth to protest but I move next to her and nudge her with my shoulder gently, trying to convey that Pinkie is offering and she didn't ask for the free stuff herself.

I glance at Pinkie and take a deep breath, this was my chance to make things right with her and I wasn't about to let that opportunity pass me by. "Hey Pinkie? Are you able to talk when you get off work?"

"Yep! We can chat in maybe ten minutes cause that's my thirty minute break."

"Okay, I'll uh- Just take a seat and wait for you while snacking or something." Pinkie nods enthusiastically and turns around to go back to work, she seems happier and that's amazing, I'm happy she seems to be happy, but I'm wondering why Applejack, Rainbow, or Pinkie didn't visit me in the hospital when I'd attempted suicide.

I move and somehow manage to get an empty booth in the crowded café, I place my bag down on the table and slowly sit. Once I'm seated I pull my phone out of my pocket and sigh as the shattered and barely working screen turns on, I take a hot second to text Rarity that I might be a while because I'm going to try to talk to Pinkie Pie again.
I had just turned my phone off when I hear it buzz and rattle, my phone definitely needs to be replaced because I'm pretty sure I hear some of the parts rattling around, and that is not normal. I honestly have no clue how the device still even turns on, it's a miracle.
I grumble and swear under my breath as I try to unlock my phone with my one uninjured hand. To nobody's surprise it was Rarity saying that she'd have to come back inside to get the danishes she forgot to order for her mother and to take my time.

I text her a thumbs up emoji and wait for Pinkie to finally take her break, I put my phone down on the table and grab a cupcake out of the bag and observe it for a moment.
The delicious treat was making my mouth water and I couldn't wait for very much longer, I take a bite and hum in delight as I finally satisfy my cravings.

"Hey Sunny!"

I look up at the pink girl as she sits down across from me and smile, swallowing what's already in my mouth. "Hi Pinkie, it's been a while, huh? Haven't talked to you since.. The whole thing-"

"Mhm, I.." She sighs and her voice becomes soft, it was incredibly out of character her to seem so meek and was incredibly unnerving, I felt like something was going to go wrong or she would reveal that she was angry at me. "I wanted to say sorry for being a big meanie pants when you needed me the most."

"Pinkie I- You didn't really do anything, but that's the issue, you didn't do anything to help me. You didn't try to visit me when I was in the hospital after I.. After I tried to kill myself, the only people who did were Rarity and Fluttershy.."

"I wanted to visit Sunny! I wanted to visit so so so so so bad But Mr. Cake said it would be better if you asked for me because of how super mean I was and-" Her hair seems to deflate a little bit as she stares at the table separating us, she begins to cry and it hurts my heart to watch the usually very jovial girl be so upset.

"Come here Pinkie, it's okay. Please don't cry."

"I'm sorry Sunset!" She sobbed, tears rapidly rolling down her face as she clawed at her face in despair. "I should've been a good friend but I abandoned you when you needed me the most, I'm the worstest friend in the world."

I drop everything onto the table and I go over to her, I sit down next to her and lean on her since I can't properly hug her at the moment. "It's okay Pinkie, I'm really hurt because of the whole thing but you're not the 'worstest' friend, I promise."

She sniffles a few times and wraps her arm around me to pull me into a hug, I don't fight it because she isn't causing me any extreme pain just yet and she needs someone to comfort her right now. "I'm sorry Sunset, I was such a meanie pants who took away your laughter."

"I know. I really missed you and I wanted to start making things right again, it's never going to undo the fact that Anon-A-Miss actually happened and it won't erase the hurt it caused to so many people but I missed you so much and I simply want to be friends again. I want everything to be normal."

I wrap my free arm around her side and give her a side hug, her grip on me is beginning to hurt but I'm determined to tough it out so Pinkie will feel better, she never really said or did anything hurtful to me so I'm more willing to make an effort to be her friend once again.

"I'll work reaaaally hard to be a better friend Sunset, I promise!" She let me go and gave me a salute, she looked very serious and I knew that the jokester was very determined to make things right.

I nod and let a small smile grace me, giving her the thumbs up with my good hand. I open my mouth to speak when I hear the door chime, me and her both look over and Rarity's walking to the counter. Pinkie jumps up to go take her order and I hum, realizing we must've been talking for longer than she had her break.

I scoot over and get up, grabbing my bag of snacks and phone in the process as I make my way over to my friends. "Hey Rarity, I'll be in the car with your dad. And Pinkie- You've got my n- Wait no, my phone's pretty much broken and unreliable so uh.. I'll just stop in every so often to chat and have a snack, is that okay with you?"

She nods and her bright grin never dims, I smile and nod at Rarity before spinning around and leaving. The cold air feels nice on my skin as I walk over to the car and put the bag in my mouth to hold it so my free hand can open the door, once I'm safely inside of the vehicle I take the bag out of my mouth and set it on my lap.
I look at the back of Rarity's father's head and make sure that I am indeed in the right car, when I'm satisfied I take a deep breath and look out the window.

"Are you okay kiddo?"

"Oh- Yes sir. I'm just thinking about.. Something."

"Ah okay. I just wanted to say if you need help then don't hesitate to ask me, I'll help if I can since I heard all about what happened. Ya gave everyone quite a scare."

My throat feels very dry, he knows about my attempt? I open my mouth to speak but I can't seem to form the words I want, I'm okay with my friends knowing about my pain but an adult who I'm not familiar with and is the father of one of my friends knowing about everything that happened is terrifying and it makes me anxious. "O-Okay, thank you sir."

"Please don't call me sir, it makes me feel old." He laughed and took a second to compose himself. "You don't need to be so formal, you're our guest after all."

"Alright uhm.. What would you like me to call you?"

"Anything's fine really, Rarity's dad, Hondo, Mr. Flanks, Magnum, or anything else you'd feel is appropriate."

I didn't get the chance to thank him due to Rarity opening the door and getting in, sitting on the leather seat with a content sigh. "Daddy I nearly forgot mom's pastries, sorry I took so long."

"It's okay sweetheart, we should get you girls home already. I bet you're both just dying to get some proper rest."

I snort and cover my mouth with my hand, I don't think he realized why his statement was so funny but it struck me as hilarious.

To my surprise Rarity joins me in laughing, she either started laughing because of me or because she also caught the unintentional pun from her father. He smirks and I realize that it was very much intentional, he looks proud of himself for that one and to be fair I'm glad he decided to make the pun as it had really lightened up the mood.

He starts the engine and it doesn't take very long for the vehicle to start moving, we get to a stoplight and he turns the radio on while we're waiting, loud rock and roll starts blaring through the speakers and Rarity whines in pain, poor girl must not like rock n' roll.

"Daddy please- could you please turn it down? It's way too loud!"

Mr. Flanks grumbles and turns it down a bit, he didn't change the station though citing 'We'll be home soon enough'.

I smile and look out the window, I grow more and more impressed as each new area of the city we drive through is more luxurious than the last, soon we're in Old Canterlot and coming up on a row of very expensive looking homes.
We pull into the driveway of one of them and my jaw drops, I figured Rarity had a nice home but her family had a house that back in Equestria only the richest of nobility would be able to afford.

I was brought back to reality when the door on my side opened, I blinked and saw Rarity standing there with a smirk, I unbuckled my seatbelt to quickly leave the car. "Sorry, I've never- I just-"

"It's okay darling, not many of the girls have seen my family's home, come now. We should get you settled in."

"Thank you-"

She smiles and starts walking to the beautiful stained glass door, I take a little longer to follow her as I'm admiring the exterior of their mansion. I have so many questions.

Author's Note

I've got a soft spot for the sacred Pink One.

Anyways sorry for the huge delay, I'm doing what I can but I'm suffering from a severe lack of motivation to write and I want to play my zombie games all day.

Quick little AN edit: Forgive the mistake with the broken phone thing, I'm going to sort of fix it but if people are curious Sunset's phone is supposed to be pretty busted but she used it like it wasn't looking like it was falling apart so yay story errors!

First night over

It doesn't take long for me to be introduced to Rarity's mother, she's a very friendly woman and seems to be incredibly kind but I still feel as if I'm an intruder, they reassure me that I'm welcome at any time, but there's something in the back of my mind that's chastising me for imposing so heavily on a peaceful bunch.

I'm led to the very luxurious guest room where I'm left alone to do whatever I felt necessary, I sit down on the bed and look at my clothes. They weren't clean and I likely smelled but I had nothing else to wear right now and my daily clothes were now being used as pajamas, I laid on top of the blankets as to not soil the sheets and mattress.

I closed my eyes and waited for sleep to take me, memories of everything that's happened the past few months are replaying in my head over and over. I'm still alive and I'm still fighting, I suffered through the CMC creating Anon-A-Miss and they all know I'm innocent. "I'm going to be okay."

"Indeed you will be, Sunset Shimmer."

I open my eyes insanely quickly and look around, I heard princess Luna speaking and I promptly see the telltale ethereal cyan surroundings of Luna's dreamrealm, my eyes fall upon her and I realize I've fallen asleep. "Good evening Luna."

She smiles and steps forward, giving me time to get up if I wanted to. "Hello Sunset, how are you feeling?" "Like shit." I chuckle and lift my injured 'arm' up, I can move it so clearly physical injuries don't follow into the dreamrealm.
I stand up and walk over to her, she uses her wings to pull me in for a hug the second I'm close enough.

"Has anything happened recently that you'd like to tell me about?" She lets go and steps back, watching me intently and waiting for the tea to be spilled.

"Yes, I'm talking to Pinkie Pie again and me and Rarity were discharged from the hospital this morning. How's Twilight and princess Celestia?"

"They are well, Twilight is still worried about you and I haven't told her why you were admitted to the hospital because if she knew what happened it would make her think that the worst had happened, she knows that you're alive." She smirked, "Aaaand~ She's finished her research on how to open the portal between our two worlds at will."

"Really?! That's- That's amazing! How did she- I have.. So many questions-"

She grinned and nodded her diamond blue eyes somehow sparkling in the ethereal glow of the dreamwalker's realm, "She's tapped into the magic of a journal or so she says, she's only told me about it recently and she says she appears to have a way to tap into the magic without draining it."

I could feel my jaw was dropped, she used the journal to find a way to open the portal whenever she pleased? The revelation was both amazing and nerve wracking since I didn't know if she did any damage to the magical properties of said journal.

"Enough of Twilight, how have you been? I heard that you were speaking to Pinkie Pie again, how has that been going for you?"

"Mhm, like I said I just got out of the hospital this morning and we went to Sugarcube Corner, Pinkie was working so I asked if we could chat after work and she said she had a break in ten or so minutes. So we talked and she.. Started absolutely losing it, sobbing and apologizing for being a 'meanie pants'."

"Hm, and what did you do?"

"What do you mean? I gave her a hug despite my broken and fractured bones."

"Did you accept her apologies? Are you slowly going to mend your broken friendship?"

I nod, I sure hope I will but time will tell if they truly intend to become my friends again but I do have a question for her. "Princess? Do you think they hated me all along and it only took everything happening for them to realize that I did want to become a better person?"

Her gentle smile falls into a concerned frown, she tilts her head slightly to the side and summons two plush cushions for us to sit on. "What do you mean Sunset Shimmer? Do you suspect that they only agreed to become your friends just because Twilight asked them to?"

I can't meet her gaze as I sit down, my eyes begin to water and my chest aches I know my heart is broken still, and that it's beginning to mend but it still is painful to think about what happened. I do care about them but I sometimes can't help but feel they only watched out for me because Twilight voluntold them to. "I don't remember if I've told you about everything that led up to my.. Attempt."

"You haven't, no." She takes my hoof in hers, I expect the princess to wants me to look up at her but instead she simply holds my hoof.

"Well, Rarity, Applejack, and Rainbow's little sisters got- in their words- 'really jealous' that I was spending a lot of time with their older sisters so they decide to create a social media account to expose everybody's secrets, it was harmless at first like what games someone likes to play or that they were behind an innocent prank, but it quickly became more malicious and it started outing closeted gay people or exposing someone's awful test scores..
They made it seem like I was the one behind the account and everyone believed them! Not even my so called f-friends would believe me when I said I didn't do it, mainly because I had access to information that only me and the girls plus their siblings would have a-and they-" I sniffle and pull my hoof back from hers, using it to wipe my teary eyes. "They all thought that I- They all abandoned me without concrete proof that I did it-"

"Oh Sunset, I'm so sorry." I didn't hear her get up, I only notice she had moved when I feel her soft wings gently pulling me close to her.

"You're a strong mare, you've been through tartarus and have come out alive. I'm so proud of you."

My breath hitched and I looked up at her from my place in her wings, nobody had ever told me that they were proud of me and her words didn't help the fact that I was trying not to cry. "Proud of me? Why?"

She pauses and I hear her hum, her wings are rubbing gentle circles on my back. "What's not to be proud of you for? You saved the world multiple times, you worked incredibly hard to make up for the things you've done in the past, and most of all you've found the inner strength to keep on going. You are not responsible for the actions of others, only for your own and tis not your fault that jealousy took over a certain three ponies. I'm proud of you, Celestia is proud of you, so is Twilight, and no doubt your friends are as well."

More tears are falling from my eyes at this point, I don't really want to be crying right now but nobody's told me they were proud of me before. I sniffle and wrap my hooves around her barrel without saying anything, damn my emotions for being all emotions-y.

"It's okay, you're going to be okay. I apologize for not asking what had happened sooner, perhaps I would've been capable of offering you better advice. But for now, you'll have to return to the waking world for another day, I'll be here for you whenever you need me. Best of luck Sunset."

I nod and sniffle again, I feel my nose is getting runny from my not so subtle crying but I don't really need to do anything about it unless I wake up with the same ailment. I close my eyes and take a breath, I suddenly feel the bed under me and I figure I'm awake now.
My eyes open and I notice that it's still dark so I reach for my phone, getting rather confused when I can't find it. I soon remember that I'm staying with Rarity and her family and my phone was all but broken when we got in the accident and it would be less frustrating just to leave it be for now. "Fuck.."

I hear footsteps in my room and I sit up in a panic, the door is open and I wonder who was coming to either kill me or creepily stare at me in my sleep. My breathing is uneven and my eyes dart around the room, oh why couldn't they have simply knocked?

"Sunset?"

Oh. It's just Rarity, I practice the breathing technique princess Celestia taught me and I hum in response.

"Could we.. Talk?"

"Yeah. What time is it?"

"Five fifteen, I'm truly sorry for barging in like this but you weren't responding to my knocking and I.. I- I really need to talk to you."

"Sure, what 'bout?"

She takes a shaky couple breaths and comes a little closer to me, I move over and turn on the bedside lamp to get a better look at her. "I've been having nightmares. About Anon-A-Miss, about the accident, about you when you.. When you attempted to end your life. It won't go away or stop darling, no matter what I do I always end up back at CHS watching in shock as the paramedics d-declare you dead."

"Rarity.."

"I know you're alive and you're physically okay Sunset, I know it. I see you often and I know they're simply bad dreams, but I did something awful.."

My heart sinks to my stomach upon hearing her words, she sounds so vulnerable and so.. Depressed. "Rarity? What happened?"

She turns her head away and brings her sleeve up to her mouth, since she isn't able to use her other hand right now she's forced to use her mouth to roll up her sleeve. She holds it out for me to see and I see vicious, bloody red lines on her wrist and arm. "Rarity.. I- Why?"

"I simply- Sunset what I have done to you is unforgivable, being beautiful on the inside is just as important, if not more, than being beautiful on the outside. I was a monster to you, I told you that I didn't think you genuinely wanted to change. I was so angry and I took my anger out on you even though there was no solid proof that y-you did anything!"

"Rarity." I say sternly, capturing her attention immediately. "I forgive you, so it's forgivable. You're stunning on the inside and out, you don't need to hurt yourself because you think that it'll make up for what happened. The past is the past and it will stay in the past, we need to move on and do better in the future, sure it's painful sometimes to see the people who..
Y'know, did most of the bullying during all of that, but I'm doing my best to be better and forgive, and I hope you know that I've fully forgiven you and I care so much about you."

She sniffles and says nothing, I keep glancing between her bloody cuts and her head, I see her shoulders heaving and I know she's trying not to begin sobbing. "It's okay to cry, what happened wasn't entirely your fault."

Rarity sits on my bed and lets it all go, at first it came out as sad whimpers and it ramped up in intensity until she was sobbing and shaking.
She's pulling at her hair with her good hand and is tugging on it as if she's attempting to rip it out, she's shaking and soon clasps her hand over her mouth to muffle her sobs.

In response I pull her close to me and keep my arm wrapped around her, I whisper reassurances to her and let her know that it's going to be okay and I have faith that it's going to be alright in the end. The poor girl soon cries herself to sleep and I fall asleep shortly after, I don't know how long we slept but I was awoken to loud knocking on my door, I whine and crack an eye open. "C'minn-"

The door opens and I see Mr. Flanks stick his head in, through my blurry morning half asleep vision I see him smile and I remember that Rarity fell asleep next to me at five something. Fuck, does he think I'm her girlfriend? "G'mornin' Sunset, breakfast is ready downstairs."

A cold chill runs down my spine, I didn't make sure her cuts were properly taken care of. She could've bled out right next to me and I could have prevented it if I'd only been less of a moron, shit. Shit.
I force a glass fragile smile, my heart is racing and I need to check her pulse. "Thank you mister Flanks, I'll be up pretty soon."

He nods and closes the door, I shoot up with an extremely painful protest from my hurt arm and I scramble to move my good hand over to the side of Rarity's neck, I don't notice an overwhelming stench of blood but I need to make sure that she's alive. I also don't notice in my panic that she had bandaged her arms sometime when I was out like a light. "Rarity?-"

She grumbles and opens her eyes tiredly, she sounds half asleep, I don't blame her because she had just woken up and she probably is indeed half asleep. "Mhh? Good morning Sunset."

A relieved sigh escapes and I sit up, and then it hits me. I had slept right next to my best friend, I remind myself that it was strictly platonic and that she needed a friend to be there for her. "Sorry. I- I thought that you didn't take care of your arm."

She chuckled and sits up as well, she moves and gets out of the bed and I do the same. "It's alright, you thought-"

I wonder how she was able to cut herself. Did she use her mouth to hold the knife handle? As morbid as the question was it was a genuine question of mine. "Mhm. And now for a change of subject!- Your father came up and told me that breakfast is ready and he miiiight think we're gay?"

"Oh lord."

"Yep."

"I really hope he doesn't tell my mother."

"Why? Is she homophobic?"

"No, she's not. She'll just.. Wink at you and try to provide tips on how to improve in-"

"Oh she's one of those parents."

Rarity laughed softly before audibly sniffing twice. "Indeed she is. Ooh, it smells like waffles for breakfast this morning."

"Ooh."

She moved to the door and opened it, looking down at her sleeves once more to what I assume is check that her sleeves are covering the bandages before she left.
I follow suit after I run my fingers through my hair to comb through it and discover any knots I may have. I leave the guest room start going downstairs, oh Celestia today's going to be eventful, isn't it?

Author's Note

Remember when I said no shipping? Yeah I may have uh.. Accidentally lied. :twilightblush:

There may be shipping in this fic, just towards the end when everyone's feelin' better mentally. Soon™

Pacing's kinda wonky in this one, sorry, also sorry for the long ass delay, my dumbass just isn't feeling well in general and I don't exactly want to write dark/sad stuff right now because I'll make myself sad aaaand I don't need to feel even worse.

A Celestial visitor

Breakfast was uneventful besides her parents noticing her cuts and Rarity giving the bullshit excuse that it happened when we got into the accident, me and Rarity were now on our way to school and she looked nervous. I really wanted to ask her what was wrong but the presence of her mother dissuaded me from opening my mouth just yet.

"Sunset."

I look over at her and tilt my head to the side, looking at her expectantly and waiting for her to continue.

"How are you feeling about going back to school?"

"I don't really want to go back and I'd prefer if I could rest a little more, but c'est la vie."

"I'm sure principal Celestia and vice-principal Luna would be able to help us with adjusting darling."

"Yeah.." I look out the window and I spot the large building in the distance, I stifle a nervous sigh. I don't want to go back just yet, I'm still very sore and I worry about someone finding Rarity's obvious self-harm cuts.

"Is something wrong girls?" Her mother speaks up, causing us both to tense up and causing me some pretty awful pain in my still unbelievably sore muscles.

"No mother, we're just a little uncertain on how we're going to complete our work on time."

"Alright, I'm sure you girls will be helped and you'll get your work done on time or maybe even earlier than expected!"

I glance over at Rarity nervously and it wouldn't take a genius to see that she's shaking more intensely the closer we get to the school.
I frown and scoot as close to her as the seatbelt across my lap and shoulders would allow me to. The car stops and we get out, I look out the window and I see the base of the Wondercolt statue rippling and glowing, is Twilight coming through?

"Is the-"

"Yes."

"Who'd you think is coming through?"

"I'd suppose Twilight, who else would be able to go through? As far as I'm aware there's only one Twilight in our two connected worlds."

"She's likely very worried about you darling."

I sigh, this wasn't going to be much fun. "I know. I told her about everything.."

I unbuckle the seatbelt and struggle to open the car door, but once I'm out I immediately jog over to the portal and wait for Twilight to fully come through, Rarity joins me shortly and we're standing in front of the statue when princess Celestia comes through instead of Twilight, I stand there slack jawed while the princess is on her hands and knees trying to figure out what to do. "I- Princess- Wh- Huh?"

She looks up to me and smiles sheepishly, she clearly needs assistance standing so I move over and hold out my hand to help her up despite me not likely being able to be much of much help. "Here, it takes a while getting used to it, so I figure you'd need help getting up until you got the hang of it."

The princess nods and holds her left hand out to grab mine, however she spots her own to her, very foreign, digits and scrambles backwards with a startled yelp.
I flinch and jump back out of instinct before I quickly gather that she's just freaked out by the weird ass sausages on the stumps that should be her forehooves and not going apeshit on me. "W-What is this?"

"Hands." I say gently, I remember my first hours in the human world being utterly pants shitting terrifying mainly due to my alien body and me not having a damned clue what it was. "Those are hands, your back hooves are called feet. You're what's called a human in this world, just like the rest of us who reside here."

Celestia opens her mouth to speak but ends up closing it, repeating the process a couple times as I tell she's struggling to find the words to speak. She attempts standing up again, using her hands to try to push herself onto her feet, it takes a few tries but she eventually does stand and takes a look around to gauge her surroundings. "This place is.. Unique. Is this your school?"

"Mhm, me and Rarity were sitting in the parking lot when we saw the portal ripple so I thought Twilight was coming to visit, to our surprise it was you. Not that I'm upset you're visiting I just didn't think that-"

The princess chuckles and lifts her hand up in front of her face, wiggling her fingers and clapping a couple times, just figuring out what her new body was capable of. It was strangely adorable to see an incredibly ancient mare have such a childlike curiosity. "I understand what you mean Sunset, I'm usually not one to travel to other dimensions. I had come to visit you and hopefully be able to talk, I'd heard about what had happened and once news that Twilight had opened the portal and was now able to at will I didn't hesitate to come."

"I- Huhhhh?"

I turn my head to the side to catch sight of Rarity's mouth hanging open in shock, a chuckle escapes me despite my best efforts and the split second decision is made to introduce her to the princess from Equestria, or as Rainbow Dash liked to call it, the 'Alien horse world'. "Rarity, this is princess Celestia. Princess, this is Rarity- Human Rarity."

"Hello Rarity, it's a pleasure to meet you."

"Y-Your majesty, it's an honor!" My pale fashionista friend does her best to bow, it looked super strange given how she was awkwardly trying to move without further injuring herself.

"You don't need to bow, I'm sure I don't have power in a world I do not inhabit nor a country I do not hold any power in."

Rarity nods and ceases her awkward and rather painful looking bow. "I'll leave you so you're able to talk to Sunset without distraction, however I don't mean to rush you your majesty but school starts in half an hour."

Princess Celestia gives my friend a gentle, motherly smile. She always did care for everyone she met and I'm glad to see it applies to my human friends as well. "Of course, I don't think we'll take that long, but if we do I'll go speak to your principal and have Sunset's absence excused."

She nods and starts walking towards the main entrance, leaving me and my former mentor alone in front of the portal to have a heart-to-heart.

"Sunset."

I'm almost afraid to look her in the eye, I've done so many cruel things to her that it always breaks my heart remembering how awful I was to the one who was only trying to help guide me to a bright future.
Fuck, I even said I was glad her sister was on the moon and I hoped she stayed there, but now is my chance to apologize to the mare I've hurt the most and if I don't seize the opportunity then I may never have another chance like this.

I take a deep breath and meet her gaze, she looks tired, not physically tired but more of an exhaustion that'd be there after living for so long. "I've missed you, Sunset Shimmer. I'm so glad to see you're doing relatively well."

"I'm.. I'm so sorry princess. I was so evil, so cruel to you and everyone who was just trying to help me."

She takes a wobbly step towards me, and then another, and another, soon enough she's wrapped me in an embrace. "It's alright, I'm glad you're alive and that your dark thoughts weren't able to claim your life. I'm so proud of you, you've grown into a kind young mare and I'm proud of how far you've come."

"I.." I can't form the words I want to communicate, tears are now freely flowing so instead of trying to speak and end up sounding like a dying cat I do my best to hug her back with my one uninjured arm, I missed her so much. I missed her so so much. "I missed you so much princess."

I hear a sniffle, she was evidently getting just as emotional as I was. She lets go, wipes her teary eyes with her sleeve, and takes a few wobbly steps back, nearly tripping over her own gown twice.
Wearing heels wasn't likely helping her learn how to walk, but she seems to be getting the hang of it. "I don't want to keep you from getting an education, and by the looks of it school will be in session soon."

"I know, I don't really want to go.. I'm still not fully recovered and I don't- I don't know, I just don't want to go today."

I start walking towards the entrance, princess Celestia following me. I make sure to move slowly so she would be able to keep up with me but holy shit I had to go slow.

She hums in response, taking a couple agonizing moments to speak. "What happened that you're so injured? I don't believe a fall from a great height would do something like that, your injuries would be more severe."

"Well.. I got into an accident, did princess Luna tell you what a car is?"

"A mechanical, metal carriage, right?"

"Mhm. I was in Rarity's car with her when we got hit from my side, I thought we were going to die but we ended up in the hospital for a couple days." I chuckle and continue. "Fluttershy had apparently visited, Rarity had woken up but I was still out, from what Rarity told me Fluttershy was very worried."

Celestia frowns and puts her hand on my shoulder, to comfort or to stay upright and use me for support I had no clue, either way she put her hand on my shoulder. "Oh goodness Sunset, even in Equestria cart crashes never result in injuries so severe. I'm very relieved you and Rarity are okay. But if I may, I do have a question."

"Hm?"

"Why are you attending school if you're not recovered, aren't you worried that you'll make your injuries worse?"

"I'm legally required to go, principal Celestia has given me and Rarity as much time off as she could, but there's not much she could do in this situation."

"Hm, my counterpart is a principal here?"

I nod, princess and principal, very different jobs but still important nonetheless. "Mhm, and then there's vice principal Luna. They've done the best they can but laws, the school board, and a lack of funding often keeps them from doing more."

We're at the front door when she replies. "Is that why they didn't help you when your friends turned their backs on you?"

"I.. Don't know. Maybe?"

She hums in disapproval, balling her hand that isn't on my shoulder into a fist and attempting to push the door open with it. She fails. Bad.

It takes everything within me not to bust out laughing, it would be rude to laugh at someone who's not used to being a human. "Here. You have to un-ball your fist and wrap your fingers around the handle, like this, watch." I demonstrate how to open the door, I let go of the handle and I step back to let her try. She is a quick learner because on the second attempt she opened the door and stepped inside.

"Thank you Sunset, I'll most likely need your help learning how to do some things because I'm not used to this strange body."

"I'll be here. I'm going to be late for class though.."

"I don't think you will, I'm going to request a meeting with your principal and if you come with me then perhaps you'll be excused."

My breath hitches, the meeting could go horribly if one Celestia blames the other for what happened. If I go then maybe I could stop things from going south? "Okay, I'm curious as to how you two meeting would go anyhow."

"Yoooo! Is that the principal?" A boy calls out and interrupts our conversation, I don't think I thought this through, but it's not like they aren't aware of Equestria so I hope they'll make the connection soon enough.

Me and princess Celestia both look up to see that the student populace in the atrium are now standing and watching us while whispering amongst themselves, I hear her clearing her throat so I look over to her and notice that she's putting on the 'royal mask'.

"Sunset, would you kindly lead me to the principal's office?" She leaned over and whispered, I could tell she wasn't too comfortable with being stared at by a bunch of teenagers.

I 'mhm' and motion for her to follow, I'm going as fast as I could while still attempting to remain at a speed that the good princess is able to follow without stumbling and falling flat on her face. I powerwalk to the main office and enter it, holding the door open so Celestia could quickly come in.

"Thank you." Princess Celestia says quietly as she enters, it's clear she's uncomfortable and I don't blame her, getting used to being a human is one thing, but it's almost impossible to get used to boys staring at you.

"Oh! Hello Sunset, good morning, are you here for the nu- Whatintheworld?"

My attention immediately shifts to miss Inkwell, again, I really didn't think this through. "Oh, hi uhm.. I'd like to see principal Celestia if it's okay. Princess Celestia would like to meet her."

The shocked expression on miss Inkwell's face never dwindles as she motions for us to go right ahead, I turn to the princess and smile before starting down the hallway to principal Celestia's office.
I'm internally praying to any higher power that things go well and it doesn't end up turning into a fight. As I approach the door I conclude my silent prayers and raise my fist to knock.

I really really hope things go well.

Author's Note

Guess who finally swallowed her pride and redid the whole chapter?

I did!!

Celestia meets Celestia

I'd been invited into her office, princess Celestia trailing close behind. The pure, unbridled shock that was on principal Celestia's face when she realized that her Equestrian counterpart present in her office as well was oddly comedic. "Uhm.. Hello principal Celestia, princess Celestia wanted to meet you."

The princess moves behind me and I can assume she's watching the principal, studying her counterpart in front of her. "Good morning er.. principal Celestia."

Principal Celestia blinks and smiles, I'm starting to feel like I'm able to cut the tension in the room with a knife and I've only been in here about a minute. "Good morning your majesty, welcome to Canterlot High. Is there anything I'd be able to help you with?"

"Indeed, I was wondering if we could talk." She pauses and takes several deep breaths, she's using the breathing technique she taught me and Twilight for when we were getting upset or overwhelmed. "About Anon-A-Miss and the fallout."

A wildly uncomfortable silence washes over the room as the principal is, what I assume, contemplating her next words very carefully. "Of.. Of course, I'd figured you'd want to speak about what had happened."

"I'd like to know who was behind everything, first of all. Secondly, I wish to know why you left Sunset to deal with the harassment all alone. Finally-" Her jaw clenched and she continued on, speaking through clenched teeth. "Why did you let it happen for so long, and why did you assume that after dealing with such a traumatic event that she would be completely unharmed mentally?"

"The ones who were behind it were Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo. The reason they gave for creating the account was that they were jealous of Sunset because she spent, in their words, 'too much time' with their older sisters." There was a pregnant pause in the seconds leading up to the principal continuing. "I don't have a good excuse or explanation for your final two questions, I failed as an educator and I miserably failed as a human being."

"The CMC." Princess Celestia murmurs to herself, taking a deep breath and pinching the bridge of her nose. "The CMC nearly murdered Sunset because they can't use their words?"

"Unfortunately."

The princess stormed over and slammed her fist onto the top of her desk, causing the principal and me to both nearly jump out of our skin. "How long did this go on?"

Principal Celestia cleared her throat and slunk as far into her seat as she could possibly go, it was obvious that the princess was intimidating her, hell, the princess was intimidating me as well and her wrath wasn't even directed at me. "A month, nearly two."

"And none of you bothered to use your brains to think that Sunset may have been innocent? Are you bucking kidding me?! What the buck happened to innocent until proven guilty?"

It was time to go, I was definitely not going to stick around for this and I swear I felt the temperature in the room rise. I'd heard legends of if Celestia is furious enough the air around her will rise in temperature rapidly but I never could've dreamed the rumors were true, I thought they were simply legends, it didn't help that the Royal Canterlot Voice was freaking me out and I need to get the fuck out of here before I have a panic attack.

I stood up and bolted for the door, I was unable to get out unnoticed but I bumped right into VP Luna, I figure she was going to investigate the screaming. My breathing is ragged and uneven, I'm shaking and so close to panicking.

She looks down at me and frowns, putting her hands on her hips as if she were a disappointed mother. "Sunset? What are you doing out of class?.. Are you alright?"

I force myself to take multiple deep breaths, it takes a little while for me to talk but once I do I may as well explain everything to her. "You hear the screaming, right?"

"Why in Tartarus didn't you investigate the account in the first place?!"

I wince and Luna nods slowly. "I'm sure everyone in CHS has heard it at this point."

"That's princess Celestia. She wanted to meet principal Celestia and as you can hear.. It didn't go too well."

"Wait wait wait, so you're telling me that-"

"Yes. Twilight told the princess everything that happened and she came through the portal this morning. She's angry. Very angry."

All the color in Luna's face drains, we both hear the screaming that princess Celestia is doing in the background. "Would you like to sit in my office and wait for them to finish?"

"Please."

Luna nods and does a swift about face, walking off in the general direction of her office. I waste no time following her, the whole walk to her office we both can hear the screaming match going on in principal Celestia's office.
She immediately sits at her desk and motions for me to take a seat wherever. "So, I'm genuinely curious, is my counterpart a princess like Celestia's is?"

Her casual question causes me to let out a sharp 'ha', I don't know why but the casual question after having a bombshell revelation dropped on her caught me so off guard. "Yeah, princess of dreams, protects ponies from nightmares and the evils of the dark of night, goddess of the moon and night, a good friend of mine actually."

"Really?"

"Yep, came to me in my dreams one night and we got to talking. She saved my life once, when I got into that car accident with Rarity I woke up in a void with a door somewhere in it. I nearly went through when princess Luna stopped me, I wasn't dead, the creator was giving me a chance to pass on if I so wanted to.
If I wanted to return to the living and wake up all I had to do was wait in the void, Luna kept me company the whole time."

"Hmm." She put her elbows on the desk and rested her chin on her knuckles. "Can I lodge a complaint with the universe? I want to be a pretty and badass horse goddess too."

I snort and I feel myself smile. "Technically you are one. In human form."

"Ha ha funny."

"I know."

Luna chortles and her head snaps towards the door, someone was fiddling with the knob and if I was going to take a guess then it'd be the princess. "It seems as if they've stopped screaming at each other and it's my turn to get yelled at, or maybe they've come to an agreement."

I hum and fold my hands on my lap, I genuinely hope they've calmed down and worked things out because I do want the princess to come back to this world to visit. I know it's kind of selfish but she's the only mother figure I've ever had and I missed her tons.

"If it helps a little Sunset, I did try to figure out who Anon-A-Miss was."

"Hm? Really now?"

She nodded to me. "I spoke to some of my old friends and used my connections, we traced the IPs of all students who logged into their MyStable accounts, though we narrowed it down to five suspects when the CMC confessed."

"How did you even manage that? If the district-"

"One name. Nightmare Moon."

"You're Nightmare? The legendary hacker, went to prison for a thousand days Nightmare?"

"Yep. And I'm proud of it too, took down Lime Sorbet when he was running for mayor." She beamed proudly. I knew Luna could be a badass but I never knew she was the Nightmare Moon.

"Holy shit. I remember reading about that one night when I got bored and wanted to see what major events went down in Canterlot's history."

"Language. I'm sorry I couldn't figure out who was behind the account sooner, I want you to know that I did try my best."

I could feel my cheeks light up in embarrassment, I was usually so good at not cursing in front of the staff. "Sorry."

"It's alright, but please try to refrain from swearing in front of me. I don't mind if you do it when we're alone but if we're in the halls then I'll have to punish you for it."

I hum and glance towards the door, recoiling in shock when I see the Celestias standing in the room with us. "Jeez!-"

Luna frowns and turns to look, also jumping when she sees them there. She puts her hand over her heart in mock terror. "God's sake- Learn to knock!"

Princess Celestia chuckles and plays with her hands awkwardly. "I apologize, but I was wondering if I could speak with Sunset again."

I get up and go over to them, unfortunately for me my brain short circuits and I end up standing awkwardly in front of the Celestias trying to remember which one's which, the damn dress didn't give it away that the one wearing the expensive clothing was the princess evidently. Princess Celestia clears her throat and motions for me to follow, it snaps me out of my stupor and I follow her as she begins walking out of the office, she really is a quick learner because she's walking as if she'd been a bipedal being for her whole life. I follow her and wait for her to speak.
"I have to return to Equestria shortly Sunset, but I would like you to know that you have been forgiven and pardoned and that.. I'm so proud of you and the young mar- woman- young woman that you've blossomed into and I'd like you to visit me and Luna in Canterlot one day."

"I-" I stare down at the floor as tears threaten to spill from my eyes for what felt like the fiftieth time today. "Okay, I will- I really missed you princess.."

"I missed you too Sunset Shimmer." She says softly, she takes my hand in hers and gives it a gentle squeeze. "Next time you visit I'd like to hear what's been happening in your life since you first arrived here."

A chuckle escapes my lips and I simply hold her hand, I'd never admit this to anyone but I wish she was my mother since my parents never loved me, or if they did they never showed it. "Mhm, I have a lot to talk about."

Celestia lets go of my hand. "I can't wait to hear about it all."

"I'll have to ask Twilight if I could come visit for the summer after I graduate, if that's okay with you."

"You don't have to ask Sunset, as long as it isn't at an unreasonable hour I'll always make time for you. Unfortunately I'll have to return to Equestria and let you return to your studies, if you require anything from me please don't hesitate to write to Twilight and she'll relay the message to me."

I don't want her to go, I want her to stay, but she is a princess and has her own duties to attend to and work to do but that doesn't stop me from wishing she could stay even a little longer. "Alright, I'll see you later then princess?"

"Hopefully."

I move forward abruptly and wrap my uninjured arm around her, I hadn't ever given her a hug before, she was always the one who'd hug me or hold me in her wings whenever I was upset. I feel her gently embrace me and for a moment I feel like I've returned to my childhood, all the worry and stresses of the world had melted away and I felt truly safe for the first time in ages.
I hold the embrace for a few moments more and I let go, taking a couple steps back so the princess could have her space. She smiles warmly at me and bows her head before turning and walking down the hall. I watched her leave the main office, feeling rather melancholic now that she was leaving for Equestria.

"Sunset would you like a late pass?"

To say I nearly jumped out of my skin would be an understatement, I felt as if I nearly had a heart attack. I somehow didn't expect principal Celestia to still be in the office with vice principal Luna despite not having seen her leave the office, oh lord I'm an idiot. "O-Oh! Uhhh.. Yes please."

"No problem one momen- ah, wait, I have to stop by Ms. Harshwhinny's room either way. I'll just tell her that you were speaking with Luna, if you'll follow me please."

I hum in response and follow her out of the office with a smile, I'm feeling a lot better mentally than I did at the end of break winter break, unfortunately I still have my moments where dark thoughts force it's way into the forefront of my mind but at least I have at least two amazing friends to help me through it and I may start rebuilding trust with my former friends, maybe not so former friends?
I don't know truthfully, but I'm feeling better and that's all I could ask for.

Author's Note

I'm not dead!

Yet.

Anyways this chapter was in the works for the past month but I'd always procrastinate. Sorry for the long wait but I'm alive-ish again and will hopefully not take another month to write the next chapter.

Sunset really needs a power nap

Class was boring boring boring, I'm pretty sure I fell asleep during Mr. Doodle's lecture about.. Something. I wasn't paying attention or I was asleep, to be honest his pretty much emotionless voice bores me to no end and the second the excuse bell rang I snapped out of whatever half asleep state I was previously in and bolt out of the room. I wanted to go home and read, nothing was going to stop me from getting a good novel in my hands. Nothing.
I'm powerwalking through the halls to get out of the building so I'd be free to do whatever I felt like, which definitely meant to sit on the steps of the school and wait for Rarity's parents to come pick us up. I'm so close to the door when I feel a hand press gently on my shoulder.

"Sunset?"

I jump, the hand on my shoulder caught me off guard and causes me to tense, causing my sore muscles to somehow get worse. The hand removes itself from my shoulder and I'm able to turn around to be face to face with Rarity. "Hey Rares."

"Are you ready to go darling?"

"Mhm, I was waiting for you so we could go sit outside and wait for your parents, you know- fun stuff!"

Rarity chuckles and shakes her head as if I've told her the worst joke in human history. "Incredibly thrilling."

"I know!" I can't help myself, I crack a grin and walk over to the door so I could use my good arm to hold the door open. "After you."

She smiles and thanks me as she exits the school, I follow her to a nearby bench and sit down to wait for the vehicle her parents usually drive. I glance over at her from time to time, she was the first one to approach and apologize to me after everything that occurred. The realization that I've caught feelings for Rarity hits me like a truck and I feel my cheeks heating up, I look off at the statue and stare at the base of it as I try to process my feelings.

"Sunset? Are you alright?"

I'm not sure how long I've been spacing out for but I'm snapped out of whatever gay panic I was having to find Rarity is waving her hand about an inch or two in front of my face. "Huh?"

"You were staring out into space and were not responding to me, are you feeling alright?"

"Oh! Heh.. I'm okay Rarity thanks for asking. I was just thinking about the princess visiting and I zoned out."

"She was marvelous, regal, the pinnacle of beauty! You said you were her student?"

"I was." I sigh as the memories of the less than stellar things I've done in my past come rushing back, I feel incredibly remorseful for everyone and everypony I've been cruel to throughout the years and I pray that one day I'll be able to apologize properly to them. "The night I left I screamed at her, calling her all sorts of horrible names and I even said I hoped that her sister never comes back from the moon."

A gasp. An appropriate reaction I suppose. "I-"

"I know." I smile ruefully and she shuts her open mouth, I assume my likely pathetically sad smile helped her understand I didn't necessarily want to speak about my past behavior. "I think back on what I said a lot and I always feel awful."

Rarity very slowly scoots closer and puts her head on my shoulder, it felt strangely intimate. I chalk it up to my bisexual disaster brain overthinking and overcomplicating things. "You're not a horrible person darling, you needed to see the metaphorical light."

I snort despite my efforts not to and take a breath, it still hurts to breathe but I'm one stubborn bitch and I'm going to take deep breaths whenever I want to as long as it doesn't make things worse. "No, I needed to see the literal light. I needed to taste the rainbow."

She isn't able to reply to my comment due to a car horn blaring, we both look over and I see her father honking the horn to capture our attention. We both get up in perfect sync and silently make our way over and get in, I buckle myself in and look up to see he'd turned his head to look at us. "How'd your school day go girls?"

"It was alright sir."

"A bird flew into the classroom in the middle of the lesson and scared the shiiiiii-" Her sentence ends with a high pitched squeak as she caught herself at the last second, for a second she had her hand cupped over her mouth as she processed the fact she nearly swore. "Ahem, scared the daylights out of everyone."

I stare at her in disbelief, I just know my mouth is hanging open because I didn't just hear her almost swear did I?

Mr. Flanks laughs boisterously and I turn to Rarity with a look that's begging her to tell me more about what happened. She smirks and mouths the word 'later', I really want to hear the whole story because it sounds amusing as hell.

He starts the car's engine and checks to make sure we're buckled in before putting his foot on the gas and getting us in motion, the ride was peaceful and it gave me time to think about life in general. My quality of life has simultaneously improved and deteriorated, I get worse physically but I improve mentally. Huh, was it a trade off?

"Sunset I have a question, could I ask you what's on my mind?"

"You just did, but shoot."

"Ugh. Nevermind."

"Aww, now I'm curious~" I crane my neck to look at her, she's pouting and her cheeks are ever so slightly puffed out, to be honest it was utterly adorable and I doubt I'll ever see anything as cute ever again.

She waves her hand flippantly, trying her best to dismiss it. With a chuckle and a breath that sounded more like a wheeze than anything she opens her mouth to talk. "It's nothing darling, you needn't worry."

"Fine, but I wanna hear all about that bird story later, it sounds hilarious and I will not let you keep that from me!"

"Of course, I'll tell you what happened when we get home. I've got a feeling you'll enjoy what I have to say about the whole incident."

I'm about to reply when the car brakes suddenly and Hondo hits the horn multiple times and starts swearing so much that even a veteran sailor would blush in shame. Hell, it even makes me blush at the profanity I hear coming from such a usually jovial man's mouth.

"Daddy?! What happened?"

"Bastard ran the red light! Nearly hit us, that son of a whore."

I lean back in my seat and sigh, I didn't have to go through the hellish experience of nearly dying again and I was thankful that Rarity's father's reaction time was quick enough to prevent an accident. The car slows down and I notice he'd pulled over to the side of the road, he turns himself in his seat to look at us in the back. "Are you girls alright? Did either of you get hurt when I had to brake suddenly?"

"No, I'm fine and I think Sunset is as well."

"Mhm, I'm good." I give him a thumbs up, I really just want to get to Rarity's home at this point and take a forty-five minute power nap to process what we'd just gone through, or read a long novel, either works.

Mr. Flanks nods and his attention turns back to the road, he flicks the lever for the turn signal and waits for a second before he merges back into traffic.
I'm pretty shaken up due to the incident, this was like the second or third time I nearly died in a month, it wouldn't take a genius to come to the conclusion that I've had some horrible luck recently and I can only hope it gets better from here.

Author's Note

Guess who's back~

Life's been kicking my flank recently and I've been feeling extra crappy in general, on top of that I've got a lack of motivation and a game I'm really excited for comes out in under a week so this is likely going to be the last chapter for a while.

I also feel like I'm rusty and my writing skills aren't as sharp as they should be. Whoops, I guess this is what happens when I get really unmotivated. I'm going to try to write a little bit each day so there isn't a several month gap between chapters, and I apologize for the wait!
I didn't know what to name this chapter so pardon the odd name for it.

Journal Entry 1: Sunset's presumed final words

Well, how would I exactly describe getting framed by three freshmen highschoolers and having my friends- No, former friends fall for it- Annoying? Depressing? No, no, much worse. Hell. It was hell, for a month I was ostracized by everyone for something I hadn't even done.
Sweet fucking Celestia it was hell, I was assaulted, told to kill myself at least once every three days. ~~I wish I did~~
I don't know how I managed to hang on for as long as I did, if I'm honest I completely thought I'd have followed the suggestions of the masses and ended it all, even now, nearly a month after the perpetrators of the social media account that ripped my friends from me confessed I still sometimes wish I had ended it.

You see, Twilight, not everything is all sunshine and rainbows for me anymore. I struggle to get out of bed some days, the only thing keeping me going are your messages you know?
I hear the journal buzzing and I get the strength to get up and go read what you have to say. You're my only friend now princess, I.. I miss them so much but I can't trust them, I want to talk to them again and be friends with them again but they're going to abandon me when things go wrong a second time.

Twilight, I really love you. I do. I love you so so much, but sometimes friendship fails as is evident by what Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and Rarity have demonstrated, they abandoned me when I needed them the most, I begged and pleaded for them to see that I wasn't the one posting their secrets to MyStable.
They didn't listen to me, they just threw me out ~~like they nev~~ the second when things went wrong.

I wish I could have at least reconciled with princess Celestia, I've got so much to apologize for. I just.. I want to tell her that I'm sorry for acting so horribly towards her and that she was a mother figure to me. ~~I loved her so m~~

Please know that I don't blame you for anything, and that you were the best friend I've ever had, I want you to move on and be happy again. Don't go after the girls, okay? I've forgiven them and I love them, but I just can't do this anymore. I can't keep playing these mind games.

PS. Tell Discord to behave and not harass Celestia too much, okay? Tell him that I love him platonically, you might not know why or how I know Discord but he's been a good friend to me.

PSS. Don't come looking for me, you'll see me again one day, I promise.

Your friend until the bitter end,
Sunset Shimmer

Author's Note

Hi, as the story progresses I may add more character tags and edit current tags as I don't know what'll happen in the future, stay tuned for more if you're interested!

Journal Entry 2: Twilight's response

~~Please tell me you're~~

Sunset, I can't even begin to understand the pain you're going through right now.
I can't imagine how it feels to be betrayed by the ~~ponies~~ people who you'd thought were your closest friends, but please don't do anything extreme, I'm very worried about you Sunset!

I'm sorry I couldn't have responded to your earlier messages as I was dragged into a diplomatic meeting and I couldn't get out of it without offending the other party, I'm here now so please tell me ~~you're not going to do what I think you're~~ okay.

Princess Celestia has forgiven you a long time ago, remember?
I'm sure I mentioned it a while ago and we had a conversation where you said that you didn't think you were worthy of her forgiveness. She misses you so much and wants to see you again, she said it herself when we last spoke, and that was maybe a few weeks ago, she also asked how you were doing and I had told her what you were going through and she was disgusted with the abuse you were facing.

I love you too Sunset, I'm so so glad you're my friend, you'll be my friend forever and nothing's going to change that. Please don't say that friendship fails, I know you're hurting and it's hurting me to know that you're in so much pain.

If I had a way to come through the portal when everything was happening to you to stop the whole Anon-A-Miss situation from continuing I would've come through in a heartbeat.
The portal opens later today and I promise I'll come through to be there for you and I'll ask the girls what the hay they were thinking! It's going to be okay Sunset I promise, just please stay calm and let me know you're okay. ~~I wouldn't know what to do with myself if you were gone.~~

Your worried friend,
Twilight Sparkle

Author's Note

I apologize for the lack of quality in this chapter, I didn't exactly know what to do for this one.

Journal Entry 3: Twilight's increasingly frantic attempts to reach Sunset

Sunset, I knew I said I'd talk to you yesterday but Spike misplaced the journal and I spent a good chunk of time panicking because I thought it was lost forever, it was a whole mess but as you can tell we found it and the crisis was averted!
Last time we chatted you asked about the project where I needed the research on elephants;

I was testing Silver Spark's theorem on the largest living creature that has successfully been physically changed into another or at the very least had physical attributes changed. She thought that the largest creature that was able to be safely changed was a domesticated Germane Shepard, and that was a change in the dog's coat color.
I proved her wrong! I had removed a cancerous tumor on his skin and I recorded the results, including his weight gain or loss during the next few weeks. He's with Fluttershy now and is expected to make a full recovery.

Anyhow, how are you doing Sunny? Are you getting enough sleep? I know you're probably going to be okay but it doesn't stop me from worrying anyways.

There's immediately another entry, it claims it had been two days since her first one and I assume she's beginning to get worried.

Sunset? Are you okay? if I upset you somehow I apologize. I'd like to know if I upset you so if I did please let me know? I didn't mean to offend you.

I think another few days go by and she writes another entry, her writing is getting more and more frantic with each one.

Sunset please tell me you're okay and that you're just really busy. ~~You didn't hurt yourself did~~ I'm really worried about you! I can't come over to check on you since the portal is closed, I'm trying to figure out a way to open it manually so I can come see if you're okay, please write back and at least tell me you're okay.

~~Please. I need you, please come back. Please please..~~

I'm unable to read her next two entries as her writing is illegible and there are tear stains smudging the words. I can make out a word or two here and there, and what I'm able to put together is that she thinks I might've committed suicide. She's apologizing over and over and begging for me to come back, I figure it out when the last sentence she wrote were just the words 'I'm sorry Sunset' over and over.

Journal Entry 4: Sunset tells Twilight about her day

~~Dear pri~~

Hey Twilight, I know it's only been a day and you said you'd write later but some things have happened today, some good but most bad.

Well for starters it's been proven that Rarity and Fluttershy are truly my friends, I'm still a lot closer to Rarity than I am Fluttershy but me and 'Shy are spending more and more time together!

I agreed to talk with Applejack at lunch but that in hindsight was a huge mistake, I should've asked to speak with her somewhere more private. We were talking and then Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie come up to the table and try to talk to me, to Applejack's credit she tried to get them to go away. Poor Flutters tried to keep them from coming up to me in the first place, I heard her trying to reason with them saying that they should wait for me to approach them when I was ready to.

Pinkie went away but Dash didn't and I got annoyed, I snapped at her and told her to go away but she wouldn't, she told me to listen to her but something in the way she said it triggered a PTSD flashback. ~~They wouldn't lis~~ I was brought back to the night that I brought them the journal to try and prove to them that I wasn't ~~a traitorous bitch~~ the one who was behind the account.

Fluttershy I think noticed what was happening and snapped me out of it, she hugged me and was an anchor point that I could focus on even though I was still hearing their jeers and insults. She helped me snap back to reality and I'm always going to be grateful for her helping me like that. Things could've gone way worse if she wasn't there.
Anyways I realized everyone was staring at me ~~and creeping me out~~ because of my little outburst so I had to get out of there. I didn't have the chance to thank Fluttershy for helping me yet, but I ran out of the cafeteria and straight into vice principal Luna.

She noticed something was off and asked me if I was okay, and Twilight, since princess Luna is a great mare I took my chance and asked VP Luna if we could talk. I'm really glad I did though, she seems to be amazing.

She said yes and we went to her office where I told her about what happened during lunch and she was the one who suggested that I may have PTSD, or more accurately she said that Rainbow's tone may have triggered the flashback. But her words are repeating in my head. Things are only getting more and more complicated Twilight and it's really worrying me. ~~What if I don't~~

Sorry, I really ended up venting in the end there huh? Other than what happened today I'm otherwise okay, how's your little elephant experiment coming along? Is he recovering without complication?

Your friend,
Sunset Shimmer

Author's Note

Mmm gotta love writer's block.