"I'mma deck you in the Schnoz!"

by Mr Unidentified

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Crossover, Dragon Ball Z, Main 6, Tirek, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other
Length: 2180

Tirek has won, finally defeating Equestria and her princesses. As he celebrates his victory, someone new shows up.

Tirek has won. As he escapes from his cell in Tartarus and wreaks havoc across Equestria, he has taken down the Princesses and has stolen all their magic from Twilight.
But during Tirek's victory... someone new shows up.

Published 2023-10-28 21:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2023-10-28 21:50:01 UTC

Read the title, dingus

Author's Note

Been marathoning DBZ:A for the last... I dunno, 2 days? 36 hours? Feels shorter than that honestly.
Anyways, seeing as I can't stop thinking about it all now, and I wanna be productive today, I did this thing.

I blame the coffee for this.

Read the title, dingus

Twilight felt like the weight of the whole world was sagging her down to the earth as she lay defeated at Tirek's hooves. He paid the former no mind, not even a passing glance as he ravaged the Equestrian landscape with his newfound powers.

Twilight's friends rushed to her aid as she struggled to get up on her hooves. She looked on helplessly as the voices of her friends were dull and her head swimmy. Tirek was destroying everything he saw. She felt like an ant peering against a giant.

But as she looked up into the sky, she saw a flash of golden light twinkle above Tirek's head. For a split moment, Twilight thought Celestia had come to the rescue until she remembered that she had no magic.

'Then... who is that?'

The light twinkled again as it zoomed closer and faster. Tirek had finally paid notice of the anomaly and peered up in confusion. A thick cloud of dust billowed violently on the ground around them as it descended.

The object then landed gracefully on... two feet?

This object turned out to be a Bipedal Creature with pale skin and black hair. The hair was unkempt and spiky, poking out in several directions like a Porcupine. He wore an orange gi over a blue tank top, concealing the bulk of the creature's muscular prowess.

Tirek was stunned. Everypony was stunned. They all stared at the foreign entity with profound confusion.

Except for Twilight. She could only lament.

"Who-"

"Hey, Twilight!" The creature interjects Tirek with a chipper and lively tone.

"Oh no." Twilight groaned.

"Wha- Twilight, who is this?!" Applejack shouts.

"Oh no."

"And why is he standing on two feet?" Rainbow asked, somewhat grossed out.

"Oh no."

"Who are these guys?" The creature asked curiously. "They seem nice."

Twilight sighed in defeat and despair. Well, I might as well get this over with.

"Goku, I would like you to meet my friends... friends, Goku." She points hooves to him and then to the girls. And Vice Versa. "... We've met before."

The girls said nothing and could only watch the Human in bewilderment. Fluttershy in particular seemed more enamored than the others.

"I wished we would've introduced each other under better circumstances, but..." Twilight trails off, almost awkwardly if it weren't for the fact that the world as she knows it is being destroyed.

Or rather, was being destroyed. Tirek had ceased his destruction and watched the scene unfold in front of him in bafflement. For a moment, he forgot how to speak.

"Who are-"

"Hold that thought, sir," Goku interjects again, his attention divided. Tirek's eye twitches.

"So, Twilight, I was flying by your planet in my pod, when I noticed some weird sparks going on the surface. I landed a few miles away soon after, and that's when I noticed you two were fighting!" His fist punches his palm in excitement. "Speaking of which, that was an excellent spar Twilight! You were pressing the offensive very well there at the end!" He shoots a thumbs up.

"Uh... thanks?"

"HEY!" Tirek shouts over everyone. "HOW DARE YOU-"

"Sir." Goku responds, his voice suddenly low and threatening.

"I am talking to my friends...

"Hey Twilight, we're still friends, right?" his chipper tone returns with another question.

Again, Twilight hangs her head down with a sigh.

"Cool! Alright then," He turns to face the looming, towering and rightly miffed Centaur peering down at him. "Are you this 'Tire-wreck' guy?"

Tirek blinks, his brow prefixed in a frown. "... I am Lord Tirek, yes." He corrects.

"Awesome!" He raises his fists in a combat stance, grinning. "I'mma deck you in the schnoz!"

There was total silence between the two parties, apart from the fires raging beside them in the Everfree Forest.

Tirek's mind was running laps around itself. He recalls back to all the heroic speeches he's heard over the years; from the Princesses, from the old Pillars of Harmony, from the countless vigilantes and self-appointed heroes who tried their luck at taking Tirek down.

This was the last thing he expected to hear of all the things that ran through his mind. In fact, this wasn't even a consideration in his mind.

"Um... I-I'm sorry, that- that's a new one..." he stutters in astonishment. "Uh... who are you exactly?"

"I'm Goku! I'm insane! From Earth!"

The billowing wind seemed to have picked its timing well on such an occasion, for it was making Goku look just as heroic as he was crazy. The centaur's eyes were stuck wide open, unable to interpret what Goku just said.

Twilight sighed for the umpteenth time in a row and cleared her throat. Granted, he's not wrong, per se...

"He means Saiyan." Twilight corrects hoarsely.

"That's what I said!" Goku confirms, which prompts a facehoof from Twilight.

"... Right." Tirek finally collects himself. "Between you and this creature, Twilight, I think I've lost my touch at subjugation."

"What's wrong, Twilight?" he asks, concerned for their well-being. "Did Tire-wreck do this to you?"

"... My name is Tirek." He growls.

"That's what I said."

Now it was the Centaur's turn to facepalm.

"That is an accurate assumption, yes," Twilight answers Goku, choosing her words carefully.

"Why do you want to beat up Twilight so badly?" Goku asks the Centaur.

The latter chuckle at this question. "Well, you see, she and I were actually having a civilized debate that we settled. She wanted to win, and... well, I didn't." he finishes with malice.

"... Why do you want to lose?"

"Wha-?... N-No, no I mean- I-I mean I want her to-"

"Is it because you look weird?"

More silence. The Centaur's eye twitches again.

"What?"

"Yeah I mean, you got this weird-looking horse body with the top half of a person, and you got those horns, your thin lips, those weird eyes-"

The centaur bellows a shout of fury as he charges his horn. A beam of pure energy surges toward Goku with the intent to kill.

Only for it to be deflected by a mere swat of his hand.

Tirek's eyes widened as his heart sank. The Human stood rigid, staring down his opponent. The blast of energy that was deflected explodes some distance away.

"... And you have the ears of a cow-"

"Okay, NO!"

He opened his Maw wide and began to hone his inner energy once more. Focusing inward, he inhales with gusto as a sickly orange ball of light emerges from both his horn and jaw.

A sudden impact under said jaw sends him flying upward at Mach 1. The screams of the centaur carried upward with him all the way into the aethers as he disappeared behind clouds.

Forty-seven seconds Twilight calculated in her head before she saw Tirek fall back down to earth a hundred meters away with a cry of pain, creating a centaur-shaped crater upon impact.

Groaning, Tirek climbs out of the hole with his legs wobbling as he stands on all fours, finding Goku still standing where he was moments before. He moves his chin with a hand, popping it back in place while wincing in pain. He never even saw the attack coming, and it looked as if he didn't even move.

"And to top it all off, you're really kind of a jerk." Goku finishes his tangent from before without missing a beat.

At this point, Tirek was seeing red. Finesse be damned! Malicious brute force will work just fine!

As his horn crackled to life once more, he summoned every ounce of energy and willpower from the deepest crevices of his soul to charge this attack.

"Bigger!" Tirek growled to the heavens, looking up to see the orb now Swallowing said horns, and was exponentially growing as it soon dwarfed Tirek in its size.

"Bigger!"

The orb seemed to defy the laws of physics as it grew to the size of a mountain. Volts of lightning strike the ground, rupturing the landscape.

"Bigger!"

The light from the attack cast a blinding radiance across the landscape, tinting the world in Amber-hued light. It looked like the sun itself had flown down and was smiting the planet.

Twilight and her friends looked on in horror. There was no running from that.

"Perfect."

Goku watches the attack with apprehension as Tirek growls with sinister glee.

With a bellowing scream, Tirek released the energy encased between his horns. The sphere of pure destruction started to slowly descend from the heavens to smite the world one last time.

This is it, Twilight thinks, This is the end. No running from this.

The mane 6 instinctively huddled closer together as they shielded their eyes from the blinding light that would soon smite them into dust.

Goku digs his heels into the ground, stretching the gap between his legs until he is firmly anchored into the earth, hands balled into fists.

"Ka..."

As the sphere made contact with the earth, the earth ruptured itself into molten bedrock as white-hot energy scorched the landscape and melted mountains. Forests around them were burning in a wildfire, the air seeped with oxygen as it billowed towards the event horizon. Goku stands firm, channeling his energy outward.

"Me..."

With a grimace, he reached back behind his torso with both of his palms open, stopping just shy of touching each other. A small blue orb of light emanates between Goku's palms, humming with a purpose and begging for release.

"Ha..."

Goku could feel his strength waning as the world around him was blinded by white light. Twilight and her friends close their eyes and hug each other one last time, awaiting for their demise.

"Me..."

Goku's senses of the world are drowned around him. Everything is silent. He focuses on where to release his energy. Right into the epicenter of this attack.

With a mighty yell that could set Luna's Royal Canterlot Voice to shame, Goku releases everything in one last defiant scream as his perception returns to him in full force. A deafening blast of focused light surges forward.

"HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

The heavens clash, and the universe trembles from the impact. As if in fear.

Blue light pierces and pushes back against a sun scorching the earth, pushing it back towards its caster.

Tirek's eyes widened, his eyes burning furiously as he was going blind.

The last thing Tirek witnesses before experiencing total annihilation is a single bipedal creature, staring defiantly back at him.

When Twilight opens her eyes, she is blinded by the sudden presence of Celestia's sun shining down on her face from the sky.

With a groan, she sits up and sees her friends are all passed out, painfully bundled up into a pile of tangled limbs with one another lying atop loose cobblestones.

Shielding the sun from her eyes, she inspects the landscape around her for damage. A deep scorching crevice from where Tirek's final attack landed served as proof that Tirek tried to destroy the world itself in a final act of spite.

Looking around her for any signs of Tirek or the others, she realized that her magic had inexplicably returned to her form. She could feel her horn hum with life as she levitated a loose stone. Breathing a sigh of relief, she looks around for any other survivors.

Besides her friends, nopony--or creature--was found. The Bipedal that had visited them moments prior was now gone.

Another groan was heard from behind, emitting from Rainbow Dash as she slowly came back to consciousness.

"Ow... My head," she grumbles clutching her temples. "What... what just happened?"

Twilight looks behind her to see her friends one-by-one slowly coming back to life. Rainbow scrunched her eyes from the sudden blindness of the sun, surveying the scene around her.

"Uh... Wow." She lets out a whistle. "Twilight, did... did you know that... that thing?" she asked dumbfounded, suddenly remembering who caused all of this mayhem.

Twilight looks up at the sky, staring at nothing in particular, just in the general direction where she expected him to go. Goku was nowhere to be found to introduce himself.

She sighs.

"Long story, but... yeah."

Rainbow stares at Twilight longingly for a few seconds, hoping for an explanation. That was when she heard the others start to wake up.

"Ugh, everything hurts." Applejack groaned from the ground. Rainbow quickly got to work helping the others up.

Twilight gives one last long look at the sky. She shook her head.

It's for the best. He'll be back anyway. But when he does get back he has a lot explaining to do.

The mental gripe did little to make Twilight feel better. She instead focuses her magic on healing her friends.

At least he didn't blow up the planet... this time.