I Know How To Play

by CombatProductions

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Pinkie Pie, Human, Anon, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Comedy
Length: 1504

Pinkie challanges Anon to rock, paper, scissors.

After Anon obliterated Twilight at rock, paper, scissors, Pinkie challenges Anon to the game and is determined to show him that ponies can beat him at this game.

And maybe, just maybe Anon might decide to share some crack with Pinkie.

This idea came about to a comment on the audio reading of this, so to the one who suggested this, thank you.

Published 2023-03-02 17:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2023-03-02 17:00:00 UTC

HOW!

Anon walked down the streets of Ponyville towards Sugar Cube Corner. Pinkie had invited him to join her for some hot chocolate and a bite to eat. Anon of course accepted Pinkie's invitation. He wasn't one to pass on a free meal with the happiest pony in town.

Anon did like Pinkie though she could be pushy, but not as pushy as Twilight. Anon shivered at the thought of that mare. He hadn't seen her in two weeks, that was when he decimated her at rock, paper, scissors.

"Damn, that felt good." Anon thought to himself. He reminisced on Twilight's expression and how he put a Dunce cone on her head. He chuckled and kept walking.

Pinkie was sitting in a booth in Sugar Cube Corner, she had a stern look across her face. Her lip trembled before she broke out in to a fit of laughter. She had been trying to prepare for Anon's arrival, wanting to appear tough and ready to face the human. She quickly got control of her laughter and looked out the window, she could see Anon making his way up the street. A mischievous smile crept across Pinkie's face.

Anon had made a right turn to the street Sugar Cube Corner was on. He continued to make his way towards the popular establishment, pondering what Pinkie wanted. That mare always had a underline reason to speak to Anon, it was never a simple answer as well. Most of the time she would try and find a way to be close to Anon, physically of course. That could be placing bets with him, trying to play spin the bottle with him and the other five or straight up breaking in to his house and crawling in to bed with him. He only knew that last one because he found remnants of her pink mane in his bed. When he confronted her about it she told Anon that she just wanted to be cozy with him. But Anon believed there was more to it than that.

Anon could now see Sugar Cube Corner, he looked in through one of the windows and saw Pinkie with the biggest shit eating grin he had ever seen.

"Oh fuck." Anon thought to himself. He opened the door and entered, making his way to the booth Pinkie was sitting in.

"Hiya Nonny, how are you!" Pinkie said, still with a massive grin plastered on her face.

"Um, I'm doing good." Anon said as he sat down, he noticed that there was already a mug of hot chocolate sitting there along with a plate with a pink frosting and sprinkled doughnut. This ment one thing, Pinkie wanted him for business.

"So... Twilight told me about this game called rock, paper scissors. She also told me that you destroyed her at it, is this true?" Pinkie inquired.

"Yes, what's it to you?" Anon asked as he sipped his hot chocolate.

"Well you confused her, completely. Which I am impressed by, but... that's my job and I won't have you stealing it. So you have officially waged war against me." Pinkie stated

Anon almost choked on the doughnut he was eating. He quickly coughed up the small crumbs and looked at Pinkie wide eyed.

"W-war, against you!" Anon said. The concern in his voice caused Pinkie's grin to grow even wider.

"Yes, war. Tonight at one in the morning I will make my way to your home so the battle can commence." Pinkie said brightly.

Anon slowly got out the booth and began backing away from the pink mare, his eyes fixed on her.

"And if I lose?" Anon asked.

"You let me sleep with you," Pinkie stated. "And if I lose... I will stop breaking in to your house at night."

That seemed fair to Anon, but if he lost he would be in some deep shit. It could mean simply sleeping in the same bed, sleeping in each others embrace or the worst alternative, having to do the deed with Pinkie. Anon dreaded the thought of all the options. Pinkie was a very good trickster, so she could pull anything to get her way.

Anon quickly turned and rushed out Sugar Cube Corner. His mind was in a haze as he looked about, trying to think which way was the best way home. He picked the street he came up and rushed down it.

Pinkie walked out on to the street, watching as Anon ran away.
"Run all you like Nonny, but Pinkie always wins a war." Pinkie said rather evilly.

Anon sat in his living room from behind a couch. He had a broom in his hands and a pot on his head like a makeshift helmet. He was ready to do battle with Pinkie. He wouldn't admit it verbally but he was afraid, afraid Pinkie would win and have her way.

He wasn't sure how she would make her arrival, perhaps what Twilight did and come down his chimney, break through a window or...

"Oh god, not the party cannon." Anon said shakily. He had seen that thing explode with confetti and cake. He still didn't full understand how it worked. But he was absolutely afraid Pinkie would use it to blow up half of his house. Now that was a scary thought for Anon.

He looked towards his door and saw the silhouette of a pony through the glass, their large bouncy mane telling him who it is. Pinkie Pie, the mare who he started a war with.

Three gentle knocks came from his door. He got up and looked suspiciously at the door. Suddenly the door was kicked in and in walked Pinkie. Only she would be so cruel to pull a prank like that.

"So Nonny, ready to battle?" Pinkie asked sarcastically.

"I was born ready." Anon said.

"Then I challenge you to rock, paper scissors." Pinkie said before she plonked herself down on his floor and looked up at him with the cutest smile.

"What?" Anon mentally asked himself. The sound of a record screeching to a stop played in his head as he looked down at the pink mare.

"You want to play me... at rock, paper scissors?" Anon asked as he slowly sat down infront of Pinkie.

"Yes," Pinkie said excitedly. "We will have a quick practice."

Pinkie raised her hoof in to the rock, paper, scissors position and Anon did the same. He was ready to destroy Pinkie but he was also on edge, just incase she pulled some kind of trick.

"Rock, paper scissors!" They said together and extended their limb towards one another.

"I win!" Pinkie said victoriously. Anon looked at his hand then her hoof, then back to his hand then her hoof. Was he dreaming or did she really win. Anon had chosen paper and by some kind of witchcraft Pinkie had chosen scissors! She hand no hand, no fingers but she sure as hell did it. She had chosen scissors. He could see it in his head, he wasn't sure how though.

"What the fuck!" Anon yelled in utter confusion. Pinkie simply giggled and gave no explanation.

"Alright, time for the real thing." Pinkie quickly said. Anon hadn't even had time to process the practice game and he was already raising his hand to play the real thing with this anomalous pony.

Sweat dripped down Anon's brow as he began to play again. He only had one shot to make this count and he would succeed. He watched as his hand moved up and down he, he quickly looked over to Pinkies hoof to see what she was picking. In his mind she had stuck with rock. He looked at her face to seem her eyeing his hand with a grin. He had begun to pick scissors, but in the brief moment he had left, he extended the rest of is fingers in to paper again.

Pinkie looked at him impressed. She slowly got up to her hooves.

"A deals a deal." She said and made her way towards Anon's door.

Anon felt like he was sweating buckets but in truth, he wasn't sweating at all. He sat there for a moment before getting up off the floor. He looked towards Pinkie and had an idea.

"Pinkie, wait!" Anon said. Pinkie slowly turned to look at him. She saw Anon grabbing something from behind a bookshelf.

To Anon's suprise he really enjoyed this little war they had. It was intense sure, but yet oddly fun like a roller coaster. He pulled out a lighter, a small glass tube and a bag of white powder before turning back to Pinkie.

" Want to smoke some crack?"

Forty-five minutes. Forty-five minutes of Anon and Pinke's lives well spent. They sat on the couch together, both with blood shot eyes.

Pinkie looked at Anon and said one word.

"Cuddle?"

In Anon's drugged up fever dream head he could only think of two word to respond with.

"Fuck yeah."