Judge-mental

by Remag

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Comedy, Random, Undertale, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Anthology
Length: 3597

Various stories on the idea of Sans being a judge in Equestria.

Just like the short description says, this is a variety of stories set in the same world as my previous story. By it's very nature this story will likely not be "completed," though, I may write endings of sorts. Chapters labeled (Non-canon) are not set in the same universe as the main story, but still builds off the concept of Sans in Equestria.

Reading A Sans-ational Judge is probably not required, though it is very incentivized. Updates whenever I get ideas for new chapters.

Published 2023-03-08 18:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2025-01-09 17:37:53 UTC

A Talk with a Rock

All he could do was stare. He knew this was going to be weird, anything with the Pie’s usually were, but this was something else.

“So… ah, how are you today, miss…”

“I’m Maud.” She lifelessly answered.

“Uh, right. Heh.”

In all of his years of living, Sans had never seen a creature, monster or otherwise, that he could not get a read on through their facial expression. She was different. Very, very different.

“My sister said you like jokes.”

Sans smiled, “Yeah, I guess I do have a bit of a ‘funny bone.’ Though, I’ll be honest, I prefer situational humor or gags.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, check it. So, imagine a stand in the middle of winter selling fried snow.”

“That’s water.”

“Exactly. Set the cost at an exorbitant price and wait for someone to come up to you. Then, if they try to pay for it, you keep raising the price until they can’t possibly pay for it. If they somehow have the money, tell ‘em you can’t let go of it because it has sentimental value.”

“I see.”

“Uh, yeah.”

They sat there for a few moments until Maud spoke up, “I get it. That would be amusing to see. I think I see why my sister enjoys your company.”

“Yeah. Uh, what about you? What do you do?”

“I study rocks.”

“Ah, so you could say you have a ‘rock’-torate?” Sans laughed, but Maud only inched her eyebrow up a bit. Sans managed to notice this and began to pay closer attention to her face.

“Yes, I see you’re smart as well. No wonder you’re a judge.”

“Uh, is that a thing? I tried to make a joke because it… nevermind. So, uh, what kind of rocks do you study?”

Maud’s eyes widened by 0.7 picometers, “All of them.”

“Huh. Neat. Y’know, I lived underground for a time.”

Maud’s mouth twitched ever so slightly up, “That must have been nice. Being able to look at rocks all day.”

Sans gave a small smile, “Eh, not really. Kinda had nowhere else to go.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, some, uh, ponies didn’t like us and we were kinda forced to stay there. I'm the only one who managed to get out." Maud's eyes bore into his soul, not something Sans was entirely used to, having normally been in control of all the conversations he's been in. She almost seemed to be discerning his motives.

"Where?"

Sans blinked, "I'm sorry?"

"Where are the rest of them? If you got out, why can't they?"

The former judge of the Underground thought back to his many conversations with the ponies of this world. Very few asked about his origins and even less knew the truth. This Maud character was certainly interesting enough to warrant talking to again and Celestia did give him the freedom to tell anyone about his past so long as he didn't tell everyone he met.

"Tell you what, ask your sister about me and tell her my secret secret triple-secret password. Come here," Sans leaned in and whispered the password into her ear, "Then, if you'd like, we can have another chat. I do enjoy talking to ponies who give my ability a run for it's money."

"Your ability?"

Sans smiled, "Yep. I'm good at reading ponies' faces."

"Interesting. I think I may come back then."

Sans waved her off, "Cool. See ya."

Maud's head lowered for the briefest of seconds, "Farewell."

Sans watched the grey earth pony depart and contemplated his choices. Perhaps he had been a bit liberal with who he chose to confide his origins in. The ponies here were a whole lot nicer than the humans from his world, and even the human counterpart to this world were equally as kind. It couldn't hurt to have a few more friends in his inner circle.

Friends... Not exactly something he thought he'd get coming to this odd pastel world, but just something that happened nonetheless thanks to a particularly perseverant pink party planner. Sans chuckled, it's almost comedic how different the Pie sisters are. From the short time he spoke with Maud, he could tell she wasn't exactly one to come out of her shell very often, something Sans could relate to.

Sans shook his head, that's enough introspective for today. He still has a nap to catch.

Author's Note

Did you know that sans only ever says 5 1/2 puns in the entirety of Undertale???

I say 1/2 because it’s typically a pun, but the way it’s presented makes it just a casual observation.

Takes place 2 years and a month after he arrived.

The Judge's Journal

Day 1:

sup

Day 2:

yo

Day 3:

hey

Day 4:

so sun horse told me i had to write at least a sentence.

Day 5:

i like pizza.

Day 6:

ah, fine. she seems to really want me to... uh, express myself. so she put some sort of spell on this journal which, uh, lets me speak instead of write. no, pepper mill, not now im busy. wait how does this thing work; how do i turn it off. uh oh, what if i.

Day 7:

okay so closing the book seems to stop it. neato. oh but now it says day 7. thats not good. ill just.

Day 8:

Right, so she adjusted the spell and now I can deactivate it by saying.

Day 9:

Whoops. Well, I'll just write it in later. Anyways, it's also adding proper grammar and punctuation, so that's neat. Oh, I can also pause it by saying- Hello? Oh, it is working again. I, uh, didn't test this before. You know what, I'll use this tomorrow.

Day 10:

You know, the one thing I don't like about this is the day counter. It's been about two days since I last said anything in here. Kinda forgot about it until pepper mill reminded me a minute ago. Huh. Didn't capitalize her name. Weird. Anyways, just found someone guilty of murder. It amazes me how these ponies managed to get tricked by the simplest of deceptions. It does make for some pretty good gags though.

Day 11:

Sup, journal. Got her to capitalize Pepper Mill's name now. It still so weird how spells can just be changed. Papyrus had to spend years training himself to make his blue attack. Wait, does this spell change colors too? White. Red. White. Oh that's cool. Anyways, yeah. He's so cool. He'd love this place with how friendly they all are here. He'd probably still try to join the royal guard if they would allow him, and even if they didn't, he'd try anyways. Maybe I should get this spell to make new paragraphs as well.

Day 12:

Hay, milk, cheese, oranges, veggie dogs.

Day 13:

Yeah, this is getting weird. I'd rather just talk to Celestia face to face. Or rather, muzzle to muzzle. Is that a term they would use? Eh, I'll ask when I see her again. So, see ya.

Author's Note

Takes place 2 years after he arrived.

A Mirrored Perspective

"...So, do you understand your mission, Sans?" Celestia opened her eyes to see the sleeping form of the monster-turned-pony, "I should have expected as much," Her horn began to glow, bringing a bucket of water above his head. She tipped the bucket quickly, but the pony was no longer asleep and rolled out of the way of the water. She glared at him, "I'll get you one of these days. Did you hear everything I said?"

He suppressed a yawn, "Yeah yeah, go after your old student, get the crown, and keep peace. One question though, why can't your new student do this?"

Celestia frowned, "I would, but I'm afraid that may cause jealousy to take over Sunset's heart and cause a mishap with the element. You're my best choice for this mission. You know these creatures better than anypony alive and I still have a country to run with Luna. I can get a replacement for you for the next few days, but I need your help."

Sans smirked, "And what's in it for me? As much as I'd love to run into another new universe, I don't work for free. I believe my rates are 5g an hour for interdimensional travel with 10g paid up front in case of a medical emergency. Y'know, in case the plan of running face first into a mirror ‘goes to pieces.'" Somewhere, a rimshot was heard.

Celestia rolled her eyes, "You will be compensated for your time, you know this. You've helped me before."

"True. Welp, guess I should get going then. See ya, sun butt." Sans jumped through the mirror before Celestia could register the nickname.

He could feel his body changing and morphing into the creature he'd heard so much about in his previous world. Surprisingly for him, the transformation didn't seem to hurt, and it certainly helped that he'd been bipedal for most of his life, allowing him to make a fairly smooth transition into a human body.

Once the transformation was complete, Sans could step out of the portal and into the other world. Upon doing so, he took a moment to examine himself; pure white skin, dark blue hair and some very familiar shorts and jacket. He noticed he was close to a high school, a decent place to hide out if he was running from an authority, especially an authority from another world. It's unfortunate, then, that Equestria recently obtained their own interdimensional traveler in the form of a comedic skeleton.

Sans nonchalantly walked over to the high school and knocked on the front doors before quickly realizing they were open and letting himself in. There was not a single person in the halls, likely because they were all in class, but it was eerie nonetheless right up until the bell for classes ending rang. A few hundred students made their way to their destinations and Sans quickly realized he never asked Celestia for a description of the perpetrator. Sighing to himself, he elected to talk to the first person he saw.

"'Scuse me, miss, you wouldn't happen to know a person named Sunset Shimmer, would you?" The red and yellow haired girl took a peek at the shorter adult and stifled a chuckle.

"Snrrk. Hey, shorty. You looking for your mommy or something? I don't know who you're trying to find in a high school of all places." She closed her locker and attempted to walk away, but the pale skinned man seemingly appeared in front of her.

"Yeah, that's not happening Miss Shimmer. I'm gonna have to ask you to come with me."

The red-head outright laughed at this, "Okay, this was entertaining. I don't know who you are, but we don't have anyone on the police force who are actually competent. Now, you may want to start explaining who you are and what you want or things may get violent." Sunset narrowed her eyes at the shorter man, but it was his turn to laugh.

"Ol' sun horse shoulda told me more about you before sending me here; you're feisty, huh?" Sunset's eyes narrowed further, seemingly in confusion, "Not a problem. I may be a bit out of my 'element,' but I'm always down for a fight. That is, if you don't want to hand back the crown now. I'd much prefer that. Less work for me and you'll get back to your life quicker."

That set her off, "Excuse me?! How do you know about the-" Her eyes widened in realization, "How did you... But you didn't... No, that's impossible. I'm the only Equestrian to come to this side of the mirror." She began to laugh, "Yeah! You can't be here! You walk too well to be an Equestrian and you used the word 'person' earlier!" Sans just looked on as she kept speaking, "She was supposed to send the magic bearer, not some random guy! Does she honestly think I'm that little of a threat to her utopia?!"

Finally, Sans interrupted, "Hmm. That expression..."

"What?"

"That's the look of someone bearing the weight of the world."

"Excuse me?"

Sans looked into her eyes, "Or, at the very least, had bore the weight and failed to overcome it. Perhaps had a falling out with a certain teacher when you couldn't live up to expectations?"

"I'll have you know- GAH! Why am I even bothering with you?! Celestia was a great teacher thank you very much! Shows what YOU know about her!"

"Who said anything about her?"

"Come again?"

Sans opened the door to an empty classroom, "C'mon. I have a feeling we need to talk."

Sunset’s rage was so high her body was failing to contain it, passing out right then and there. Sans caught her using the gravity magic he retained from his trip to Equestria and set her down in one of the chairs.

Sunset was the first to wake, stretching her limbs and looking outside, she could see it was currently her namesake. Across from her was the Equestrian who had caused her mass confusion. Who was this figure? Why hadn't she heard of him on any of her espionage missions? Why was he sent instead of her prized pupil? She stopped before her brain began to hurt again.

"Feeling better?"

"A bit, and-" She stopped and stared at the previously sleeping man.

"Ah, right. Perhaps we should start over," Sans held out his left hand, "The name's Sans. Sans the skeleton."

Sunset, on instinct, batted his hand away, hitting the whoopee cushion and startling her out of her seat. The "skeleton" began to laugh.

"The ol' whoopee cushion in the hand trick. It's always funny." Sunset glared, "Ah well, not everyone gets this type of humor. So... Why don't you tell me about your past with Celestia?"

"And why would I do that? I still have the location of the element--"

"Oh, that? Nah, I found that while you were asleep." Sunset's gaped, "What? Did you think I'd just sleep here until you woke up? I still had a job to do. Now, however, I'm off the clock."

"And how do I know you're not bluffing?"

"Because your principal is standing right behind you." Sure enough, principal Celestia was, in fact, behind her when she turned around.

"...oh."

Principal Celestia shook her head, "Sunset... I'll be honest, I'm not entirely certain what to say in this situation. I tried to help you adjust to the school, but to think you could and actually pulled off such a heist... It hurts. It really, truly hurts."

"P-princ- uh, principal-" Sunset tried to speak, but was interrupted by Celestia.

"You don't mean to say 'principal,' do you. Sunset, what happened to you to make you this way?" Before Sunset could respond, it was Sans who spoke up.

“You ain’t getting anything out of her.”

“Pardon?”

Sans shook his head, “Nothing substantial at least. She’s not ready to talk.”

“I appreciate your help on this, however, as the principal of this school and the one who helped her adjust, her well being falls under my jurisdiction.”

“Yeah, but I’ve got orders to keep the peace. That includes her peace. I’m good at reading expression. Had that ability even back in my world. Suffice it to say, she’s not-“

Sunset spoke up, “Uh, excuse me? What… do you mean ‘your world?’”

“Ah. Right. You see, I’m not from Equestria initially. Honestly, I’m not even human nor pony. Used to be a skeleton til I did something wrong and made it there by accident. Sun horse is researching ways to get back. Should ask for an update soon actually.”

“So… you can’t… see your family?”

Sans gave a sad smile, “If I could, I’d bring him here. My bro would love this place. Filled with humans to solve his puzzles.” He chuckled for a moment, his expression turning somber before smiling once more, “Ah, but we’re talking about you. Tell you what. I’ll come up here once a week, see you and sun human,” Celestia quizzically glanced at Sans, “ask you about your day, all that pizazz. We can just talk about our lives. You tell me about yours, I’ll tell you about mine, ‘kay?”

Sunset looked at the strange creature across from her. Seeing his expression talking about his family… she felt a mild kinship towards him.

“…fine. Once a week. Saturday then?”

“Saturday’s busy. Sunday works best for me.”

“I… guess I’ll see you then.”

Sans stood up from his chair and stretched, “I’ll miss this jacket. Welp. See ya.”

Celestia put a hand on his shoulder, “Is… that it? You’re just gonna go?”

“Yeah. I mean, if you want to do something more, you can do so, but I’ve done all I’ve come for. I wanna take a nap.

Celestia sighed, “Very well then. Have a good night, Sans.”

“You too, lady.”

And then he was gone.

“Sup.”

“Don’t you ‘sup’ me brother! You still haven’t recalibrated! Your! Puzzles!”

“Heh. Sorry bro. Been a long day, but don’t worry. I got a ton of work done today... A skele-ton.”

“…”

“Bro?”

“…”

“Hey bro? You there?”

“I apologize for the interruption, Sans.” The world shifted to a nightscape.

He looked back at his pony self, “It’s fine. What’s up? I don’t recall having a nightmare, so there’s probably something you want.”

“Well, not I per se, more my sister, using me to obtain your information. She hath interrupted three dreams thus far and I would rather enjoy my work in peace.”

Sans cringed, “Oh, sorry about that. You know me, staying up all day makes me ‘bone’ tired.”

“I’m almost certain that is not true, thou art the only pony who forced me to work in the day time.”

He cringed harder, “O-oh, I was not aware of that-“

The lunar diarch chuckled, “We jest, Sir Comic. Do not tell my sister, but when we dream walk, our physical body rests as well. We enjoy the extra hours of sleep.”

Sans let out a chuckle, “Not fair how you can do your job and sleep at the same time.”

“You have your gifts and we have ours.”

“Anyways, Sunset situation is solved. Gonna meet up with her every Sunday to just talk about our lives. Told her about where I came from and she seems to have resonated with my story.”

“My sister will be most pleased to hear her favorite student will be doing well. I shall leave you be now.”

Sans nodded, “‘Kay, see ya.”

“Um, see you?” He nodded again, “See you, Sir Sans!”

Luna disappeared and Sans was left to his dream.

“SAAAAAAANS!”

Author's Note

I had this in the drafts for an actual year. Kinda stopped writing for a while tbh. And then I re-read my stories and actually thought most of them still held up. I wasn’t aware that this story had a basically complete draft, so I patched it up a bit and now here you go! Only took me a few minutes to edit but I figured it’s been long enough.

ko-fi

Takes place 1 year and 9 months after he arrived.

A Final Note

Author's Note

no, this isnt the end, i just had an idea of sans making a "final goodbye" of sorts

Note: this was also in my drafts for a while. I came back to this and cleaned it up a bit to make it work a bit better for his character.

A Final Note

hey celestia

if you're reading this, i'm either dead or have left this somewhere on accident.

if its the latter, uh, whoops, can you give this to me at your earliest inconvenience?

if i am dead... well, continue i guess.

sup. hey, sorry for disappearing on you. trust me, i woulda liked to stick around longer, but you probably know what happened better than i, so you likely know there wasn't much i could do about it. unless there was.

wow, writing a note to a future person that knows you as dead is hard.

eh, i should probably get to the point. i know you're likely busy with paperwork and stuff.

i'm afraid i never told you everything about my power. you see, me and a select few monsters have the ability to, well, read between the lines of reality to an extent. i've been able to see things that many others would consider to be impossible. its almost like an epitaph, in that i can "read" what eventually came of them.

why did i never tell you about this?

eh, never came up.

or maybe it did. who knows?

but hey, better never than late, huh? or, something like that. i dunno, ill fix that later.

in truth, i didn’t think it was a power that i should think about often. too much responsibility, y’know?

why am i telling you this now, you may ask?

well…

you're one of the very few i've seen with a mostly negative ending.

y'know, i wonder if telling you that would cause you to do stuff that causes the negative ending. i can't exactly tell you whether or not it is because, well, i'm dead.

I’d rather you know than not though, it feels right to me.

☠

oh wait wrong paper my bad. was practicing drawing. anyways, yeah. see ya on the other side i guess.