~One Week Later~

They’d heard her enter the throneroom in a singing mood more than a few times, but to see one like this was a bit of a different mold; it might have been the jeweled ring on her finger that gave it away, but Princess Celestia was in a different kind of happy disposition this morning. Slow in her movements as she strode across the throneroom floor, a sort of wavy movement to her feet as though she struggled to maintain balance, but every answer she gave to anyone was of a highest happiness. One could positively feel the warmth that radiated from her physical form that gave sunlight to the whole of the castle, a gentleness and serenity that was oft found in the high of spring. Even if she seemed to wince every time the muscles in her thighs were put to use.

“My lady, is there anything you need today?” One of her attendants asked, unable to keep the grin from her face even as she saw to the throne itself being made comfortable. “You seem most distracted, my ladies and I do hope that there is something we can do to aid you.”

“Ooh, she was…” Celestia was in another world as she spoke, so far away from anything and elsewhere that to think upon her contented self was to be a distraction from whatever pleasures affected her. One moment, then another- three times passing before her attendants began to giggle at their lady’s continued manner of disinterest in all the world that was before her. Whatever it was that had distracted her, it must be something wondrous.

“I’ll cancel Day Court today, shall I, Your Ladyship?” Her attendants said before too long. One personality who could not garner her attention was warning enough that something was amiss; best not let it become two.

“Yes, that sounds lovely,” Celestia breathed, most distantly and one not likely to notice the subtraction of numbers from this place. Her servants, her guards, all of them leaving the throneroom behind and not a moment’s notice from the glorious princess they served to pay heed. If only they knew what obsessed her!

That wondrous skin, those beautiful lips. Everything about her had been perfect in every single way, down to the last iota. Leaning down into her throne, the wondrous sun beauty was only able to marvel at her recent… well, vacation- and let the memory of it enthrall her. She couldn’t have even begun to guess at how good everything would feel, especially when everyone else got involved. She would, of course, have to ensure her beau got plenty of attention throughout the week; even if she wasn’t always present, one of the girls had to be there and see Pinkie made happy. Should that be made into a law? Worth a thought, really. What had transpired had been worth it all in the end, without a doubt, but maybe there were better ways to see it done. Maybe a schedule for them all to hold to. Twilight would love that especially. But it would help to see the insanity not be quite so common. As joyous as their union had been, the whole ordeal had been a little chaotic-

“Wait a minute.” Eyes popped open faster than the speed of light, Celestia on her feet and suddenly alive with the might of lightning. Insanity? Chaos? And all of it because she, just like every other of that perfect woman’s paramours, had read that blasted article!

From within her grasp came a flash of myriad light, hardened substance emanating from the ether and thrown to the ground to see color burst into smoke. “Discord, get in here- now!” Celestia roared.

Out from the haze came the sound of a long-winded, whiningly wet fart as the silhouette of a man appeared within the cloud. Tall, but not quite, a coiffure of dark-brown hair that was slightly molded over to help conceal a receding hairline, no great features of muscle or masculinity to be found. Were it not for the black-and-red jumpsuit that he wore, and the glitter it seemed to consistently embody, there might be nothing remarkable about him at all.

“Picard! If you don’t- oh damn it all, I lost my train of thought again. Guess that’s what happens when you decide to take a uranium shower near Andromeda.” The man appeared not to notice his surroundings, currently occupied with whatever scenario he had just departed and those within it than the world around him. But soon came the realization that he had traveled far and wide, away from who-knew-what and brought to the bright serenity of a sunlit palace that still knew the rays of dawn- and most certainly not alone any longer.

The man turned about to find Princess Celestia glaring at him with a revulsion usually found only in those who deem themselves superior to anyone. “Oh, good heavens, I’m dressed for the wrong universe. One moment, if you please.” A snap of the man’s fingers and a puff of smoke, confetti, and gun-toting skunks appeared in his place for a time, allowing the figure of the man to twist and contort into the familiar shape of the unpredictable yet thoroughly alien draconequus known as Discord, that accursed smirk on his face that always suggested he knew everything and yet absolutely nothing all at once, hovering above the floor by a good three feet. “Yes, your happy Princess-ness. What complaint may I hear about myself today? You do so have such consistent criticisms.”

A snap of her fingers and in her grasp appeared a magazine, she sweeping through the pages to the number she would know by heart forever; it was a struggle not to dwell on the contents, but with effort she tossed it before the mass of beast, ensuring that its contents were unmistakable to him. “This article,” she said heatedly, “It was written by an anonymous contributor. I read it last week and suddenly couldn’t stop thinking about Pinkie Pie.”

“Goodness you are thirsty,” Discord remarked, perusing through the constantly-contorting article and grinning as he watched the parade of letters and pictures move their way before him. “But then again, a woman who hasn’t gone on a date for a thousand years might feel a little isolated. You’re like the ‘lonely housewife’ category- well, without the house, or being a wife-

“What did you do?” She demanded, holding up her hand so that the flare of her ring might shine in the sunlight, the sight of it nearly putting the strange beast into raptures of laughter. “I know Cadance’s work, but that was something else entirely.”

“Ooh, I know. I’ve got my own signature touch,” Discord remarked, finishing an amalgamation of paintings that somehow formed to make the exact expression Celestia currently possessed. “How’d things go? I figured it might be good to let it brew for a bit-”

“The entire town almost rioted! Do you know what sort of damage you nearly did? Who it affected?!”

“Well it’s not my fault emotions are a difficult thing,” Discord said airily. “If you’re talking about Twilight, you most certainly babied her for too long, that girl needed about twenty more dates before you made her a princess-”

“Pinkie’s married to women from five different countries!” Celestia seethed. As usual, Discord was taking a conversation about as seriously as one would speak of yesterday’s sunshine. “Three princesses, a mayor, some sheik’s daughter from god-knows-where-”

“Is Pinkie complaining that she’s married to you, or are you just salty that you didn’t see her qualities sooner?” Discord inquired drily, handing the princess an empty shaker in hopes of seeing it filled. “You act like I did something heinous. I could have had her make cupcakes out of Rainbow Dash or something.”

“She- no, she’s about the happiest person ever and she deserves it- that’s not the point!” Celestia spluttered. “What if it had caused someone to cheat? Or ruined someone’s marriage! Did you even stop to consider that at all?”

“Oh for heaven’s sake, you still think I’m the worst thing since unsliced bread,” Discord sneered, floating along in a figure-eight about his companion and making it quite clear that he was dissatisfied; the cacophony of cartoonish squiggles around his head were clear enough. “The spell would only work on single women, I made sure of that. Fluttershy did make me promise to behave myself.”

“Lyra and Bon-Bon.”

“Well, they’re just sluts.”

“And writing a fake article to make everyone who reads it fall in love with someone is behaving?”

“The girl was lonely! You’re just mad that a male noticed all her endearing qualities before you did,” Discord countered. “I put a few nice words on paper, I added a little glamour to them, and let everyone act as they wished. She deserved to be loved, how dare I try to make it obvious.”

Celestia was slowly finding herself on an island, sand shrinking beneath her feet and not offering much stability. Weird and wild as it was, it didn’t actually seem like Discord had meant any genuine harm… “And- and what happens when the spell wears off?”

Discord shrugged. “They’ll still love her. It’s not like I tricked their brains or anything, they just… found a new appreciation.”

“Will it keep happening, if people read the article?”

“I only made it last a day. Everyone who didn’t sleep with her will just rub one out and go on their way.”

It was a remarkably thorough explanation that she rather hated but was willing to accept anyway. It almost sounded as if he’d actually thought this one through. “Huh.”

Discord took note of her lack of fight. “Just- just how many women were there?” He inquired.

“Somewhere over a hundred.”

“Ooh, I do know how to cook,” Discord grinned. “Thank me anytime you want- and ask for her key lime cookies, they’re great for this time of year.”

She wanted to keep arguing, but for what reason she couldn’t manage. She was married, she felt no reason to change that, and the fact that she hadn’t really been ‘tricked’ all that much wasn’t going to see her mood sour. It was just infuriating that she hadn’t tried to- well, there were a million things she could have done, perhaps.

“Discord?”

“If you ask me to make her a princess, too, I’m going to say no,” he quickly remarked. “You’ve got too much royalty walking around this place anyway.”

“No, that’s not- have you ever met my secretary, Raven?”

“In passing. The one that looks like a sexy librarian stereotype?”

“Think you could write another one?” she asked.

“I charge $500 a word.”

Author's Note

Holy fuck, this is so stupid. How did this take me over a month?

I am truly sorry. Enjoy, if you can.