Celestia woke with a start, her head pounding, and drool falling from her lower lip.
"Ah, good. She's the first of the two of them to wake up. Funnily enough, Luna seems to be a pretty heavy sleeper." Celestia hears a familiar voice state.
"Urgh, Anon... Wh-what are you doing? A-and why am I tied up?" Celestia began asking Equestria's resident(and only) human, who was standing before her. She flared her horn to release herself, but her magic wasn't responding.
"Who knew some basic alchemy and plant knowledge would make a princess so easy to ponynap?" Anon asked rhetorically to nopony in particular. "A combination of what's colloquially known as 'Sleepy Grass' combined with trace amounts of Poison Joke, Oleander, and White Clover seems to put a princess quickly into a deep sleep when its snuck into the batter of her late-night cake. Combine that with sympathetic guards tired of 'This Fuckin War', and I get a free gap in the patrols to slip away into the night silently. Or, it would have been me, if I hadn't been busy with another princess in another castle."
"Anon, what's going on? Why can't I use my magic?!" Celestia called to Anonymous the Human, still attempting to light her horn as her concern only grew deeper.
"Combine this 'perfect storm' with the discovery of a font of anti-magic, and you're almost caught up with what's going on right now, Celestia." Anon turned on the princess of the day with a slight scowl. "But knowing your sister will want a similar explanation, I'm simply not going to tell you until she wakes up too."
The mention of such a dangerous discovery prompted the princess of the day to begin thrashing in her bindings. "N-No, y-you'll kill us! Anti-magic is deadly to ponies! Do you even know what you're doing?!"
"Celestia... Shut up. And calm the fuck down. You're in no danger until-" Anon checked his wristwatch. "-By my estimation of your durability and natural resistance to certain energies... at least a day and a half from now."
"No, Anon! You need to get myself and Luna away from such a cursed place, as well as any other-" Celestia was cut off by a firm slap to her muzzle, and her vision was overwhelmed with Anon's face right up to hers, his face enraged.
"Shut the fuck up. I won't warn you so kindly next time. Your sister should be awake shortly. You are in no danger!" Anon then backed away a bit and his tone lightened, a comforting smile warming his features. "So sit back... Relax... Everything will be fine. Trust me."
"Anon. Final preparations have been completed, and the defensive array has reached maximum stability, all things considered... The first-" Anon clamped his hand around the muzzle of the pony that had walked over to give a status update.
"A-shu-shu-shu-shu-shush. Don't spoil their surprise. They don't know yet." Anon said in a sing-songy voice.
The stallion gave Anon an irritated look, and pushed his hand off his muzzle with a hoof. "You know I hate when you do that, Anon. Yet you constantly find ways to catch me off guard."
"Gotta keep your guard up around me then." Anon chuckled. A woozy moan was heard behind Celestia. "Ooh, she's finally waking up!"
"Why does my skull feel like it was fed through a meat grinder? A-and who dares tie me up!? I will-!... I-I will-...! Blast, where is my magic!?" A few attempts at magic were heard behind Celestia.
"Ah, good morrow my ever-present Nightmare." Anon rounded on Nightmare Moon, who Celestia hadn't realized was tied up just behind her. "Sleep well? Need some hair of the dog? A tonic? Too ba-... Ooh, now this wasn't expected, but still is highly welcome! Ha-HA! This is literally perfect!"
Celestia craned her head as far as she could, and saw... LUNA!? "L-Luna! Y-you're back!?" Celestia exclaimed in surprise, trying to turn around more.
"Luna isn't back you cur! I just cannot maintain the magical energy to keep this form intimidating." Nightmare snarled back.
"Oh, but she will be." Anon piped up with a big grin. "Ladies, welcome to the inaugural night of my arena. First, an anecdote. If you speak during said anecdote, you will be punished, so keep your fucking mouths shut!"
Nightmare Moon just couldn't resist. "Oh? And what is a puny man-thing like you-" And Nightmare was swiftly slapped across the face, in a similar manner as Celestia.
A female pony is heard a small distance away, outside of a glowing barrier. "Calibration's good, got all we need for the proper reductions and improvements. The two of them will be on par with each other tonight."
"How dar-" Nightmare started to speak again, but Anon was having none of it.
"What fucking power do you have over me?! Shut your fucking mouth and listen." A few moments of silence were satisfactory for Anon and he stepped back again.
"So, to be fair... I'm gonna start with a disclaimer that this anecdote of my past was most likely in no way healthy. With that outta the way, lets get to the story.
Me and my brother used to hate each other. Like... A lot like you two probably hate each other. And some days, it was bad.
But something changed one day, and almost immediately after, our lives were way more tolerable. Guess what we did to each other that fateful one day... We set some ground rules, we picked a spot, we chose a time... and we kicked each others asses!
Firstly, it was highly therapeutic. Pent-up anger isn't healthy, or some shit like that. Secondly, and more importantly... it was a good way to vent our frustrations at each other and come to an understanding.
After our fight, we improved ourselves with our new revelations. it was a win-win. And all it cost us was a number of bruises and scratches, and four black eyes between the two of us.
Anywho, after living here in Equestria for over six months and hearing how most ponies believed that Luna just suddenly... decided to go evil, without actually knowing her or even considering her reasoning... I came up with a plan. The most insane plan I've ever come up with, and I've brainstormed some seriously mad shit. You talk and you get slapped." Anon cut off Nightmare with a firm glare. "You may just want to explain why you're doing what you're doing... save it for her, once I release you two."
Anon points at Celestia and grins, stepping further away. His voice drops to the tone of a dramatic announcer. "For those of you with working brains and some level of pattern recognition, raise your hooves if you realize what's happening tonight! For those of you that haven't made the connection, these two BITCHES are gonna wreck each other's shit tonight. Let the inaugural night of the Grudge-Match Arena... BEGIN!"
