Worst Wedding Ever?

by Nitro Indigo

Rating: everyone
Tags: Pinkie Pie, Slice of Life, Main 6, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 2894

Two of Pinkie Pie's old friends visit Ponyville to ask her to help plan their wedding.

Two of Pinkie Pie's old friends visit Ponyville to ask her to help plan their wedding.

This was a Ko-Fi commission for LetaDarnell. Due to burnout, I probably won't do another one for a long time.

Published 2023-03-09 08:10:00 UTC
Last updated 2023-03-09 08:10:00 UTC

Worst Wedding Ever?

Most ponies would be shocked to see two unfamiliar alicorns walk into Ponyville, but Pinkie Pie was not most ponies. As soon as she heard a knock on Sugarcube Corner’s door first thing in the morning, she rushed downstairs to meet them.

“Thunderstrike!” she gasped. “Oh, am I glad to see you!”

“Hey-Pinkie-it’s-great-to-see-ya-too, hon,” Thunderstrike said in a monotone voice. She was large and stocky, with a grey coat and a short yellow mane.

“Bonjour…” the other, smaller alicorn mumbled.

“You too, Flower Power!” Pinkie exclaimed. She ushered the visitors inside before continuing; even though there was nopony awake to overhear them at this hour, she didn’t want to wake them up. Plus, it was chilly outside. “So what brings you two here today?”

“We-were-thinkin’-of-gettin’-married-and-we-think-Ponyville-might-be-a-good-place,” said Thunderstrike.

Pinkie nodded furiously. “Oh, it’s the best place! We’ve had weddings in the town hall — Mayor Mare can officiate — ooh, I could ask all my friends to help decorate!”

Flower Power waved a hoof, motioning for her to slow down. He was much shorter than Thunderstrike — but still taller than the average mare — and his coat was a pale shade of lilac.

“We-just-want-you-and-your-folks-as-guests. Nothin’-fancy-and-no-paparazzi.” Thunderstrike said this all in one breath.

“And Apples,” Flower Power added.

“Apples as in the fruit or as in the family?” Pinkie asked. Flower Power opened his mouth to answer, but she continued: “Did I ever tell you about how Applejack and I might be distant cousins? My other friends are all honorary Apples, too, so you could say they’re ALL my family!” She stood up on her hind legs and spread out her forelegs wide.

The alicorns exchanged glances. “We-wanna-meet-these-friends-of-y’all-first,” Thunderstrike eventually said.

Pinkie Pie bounded up to the Castle of Friendship, with Thunderstrike and Flower Power following close behind, and knocked on the front doors.

A few minutes later, Spike walked onto the front steps and grumbled, “Of course it’s you this early in the morn—” The instant he noticed the alicorns, he dropped the tray of cookies he was carrying and rushed back inside.

Pinkie trotted over to where the cookies lay and took a bite of one. “Mmm, crunchy.”

A minute later, Twilight appeared at the foot of the stairs in a magenta flash, carrying a quill and a piece of parchment.

“I never knew there were alicorns other than the princesses!” Twilight exclaimed. “May I meet them?”

“Absolutely!” exclaimed Pinkie, bouncing down the steps towards Twilight. “This is Flower Power… and this is Thunderstrike!” She gestured to each of them in turn.

Twilight leaped down the stairs to greet them. “Well, I’m pleased to meet you!” she exclaimed in her fancy diplomat tone of voice. “Howcome I’ve never heard of you?”

“We-don’t-wanna-be-in-the-spotlight. We-just-travel-the-world-and-‘elp-ponies-wherever-we-can,” said Thunderstrike.

Flower Power nodded. “Mm-hmm.”

“That’s fascinating!” Twilight scribbled some notes on the parchment. “How did you become alicorns? Did you ascend, or were you born that way? My niece was, and even Princess Celestia herself was shocked!”

“Hey, Twilight!” Pinkie interrupted. “Let’s call a meeting so we can ALL talk about this together!”

Pinkie fidgeted in her throne as she waited for the others to arrive. Rainbow Dash was the first to come — through a window.

“Did you HAVE to summon us this early? I have Wonderbolts practice later…” Rainbow complained, but everypony else ignored her.

Applejack was the next to arrive, followed by Rarity, followed by Fluttershy. After they all took their seats, Twilight said, “I’m glad you’re all here today. Pinkie Pie has some very special visitors for us! Would you like to introduce yourselves?”

“My-name’s-Thunderstrike-and-this-‘ere-is-Flower-Power-and-we’re-plannin’-to-‘ave-a-weddin’-‘ere-in-Ponyville,” Thunderstrike said.

“Pardon?” asked Rarity.

“She SAID, her name is Thunderstrike, he’s Flower Power, and they’re planning to have a wedding in Ponyville,” Pinkie repeated.

“She?” she swore she heard either Applejack or Rainbow Dash mutter. They sounded so similar sometimes.

“Wait, I know you!” Applejack blurted out, gesturing towards Flower Power. “You ‘elped us with a harvest a few winters ago.”

Thunderstrike whispered something into Flower Power’s ear, and he nodded demurely.

“We’ve-been-wantin’-you-and-your-folks-to-be-guests-as-well, hon,” Thunderstrike said.

“Then I’d be happy to help!” Applejack exclaimed, placing her hooves on the table to raise herself up. “What about the rest of y’all?”

Rarity was the most enthusiastic. “Oh, I would love to design your outfits! It’s been years since I last used an alicorn as a model! Tell me, what styles do you prefer? Haute couture?”

While Rarity continued listing several fashion styles, mostly to herself, Rainbow said, “I’m not the biggest fan of weddings.”

“Howcome?” asked Pinkie. “They’re like the biggest and most importantest parties EVER!”

Rainbow shrugged. “I’m just not into that mushy lovey-dovey stuff.”

Pinkie turned away. “What about you, Fluttershy?”

“I don’t want to attend the wedding of some ponies I barely know,” Fluttershy whispered. “Um, I’m still happy for them, of course!”

“Oh, don’t worry,” Pinkie reassured her. “You’ll have plenty of time to get to know them before the wedding, and we’ll help you decide what to do!”

That afternoon, Pinkie Pie, Thunderstrike, and Flower Power visited Carousel Boutique.

“So what styles do you two prefer?” asked Rarity.

“Just-somethin’-simple-would-be-fine-‘cos-we-don’t-have-much-money,” said Thunderstrike.

“Oh, you don’t have to pay!” Rarity exclaimed as she levitated her glasses onto her nose. “Consider this a favour. Alicorns like you simply deserve the best I have to offer!” She glanced at Flower Power. “By the way, I’ve noticed your fiancé doesn’t talk very much. Why is that?”

“‘E-don’t-speak-Ponish-no-good,” Thunderstrike replied. “Mostly-talks-fancy.”

Rarity gasped. "So he WOULD like haute couture!" She levitated a measuring tape from her desk and started to measure Flower Power’s neck.

“But—”

Thunderstrike stomped her hoof. “NO! I’m-bein’-serious-‘ere-a-simple-dress-for-me-and-a-simple-tux-for-‘im-is-all-we’re-lookin’-for.”

“Hang on… a dress for the groom and a tuxedo for the bride?” Rarity placed a hoof on her chin. “How unusual… unusually fascinating!”

Thunderstrike facehoofed. “Other-way-’round!”

Rarity paused and looked down in thought. After a very long moment, she said, “Oh. I’m so sorry for making assumptions, darlings.”

“I-get-it-a-lot,” Thunderstrike said.

While they waited for Rarity to finish their orders, Thunderstrike and Flower Power visited Sweet Apple Acres.

“Good to see y’all again!” Applejack shouted from the front of the barn, waving. “‘Specially you, Flower Power.”

They all entered the barn’s living room. Besides Applejack, there were two other Earth ponies there: an elderly, green mare who was more wrinkled than a prune, and a yellow filly whose eyes were almost as wide as her bow.

“This is my grandma Granny Smith, and this is my lil’ sister Apple Bloom,” said Applejack, pointing to each of them. “Granny Smith, Apple Bloom, these two ponies ‘ere are Flower Power and Thunderstrike. I’m sure y’all have plenty of questions for each other, but I’d rather focus on the task at hoof. Thunderstrike?”

Thunderstrike took a deep breath. “Flower-Power-told-me-y’all’re-the-finest-farmers-in-this-’ere-corner-of-Equestria,” she said. “We-were-thinkin’-you-could-prepare-the-buffet-for-our-wedding.”

Apple Bloom jumped up. “We’d be ‘appy to ‘elp! …When is your wedding?”

“La’er-this-week.”

Applejack nodded. “That’s plenty o’ time, sugarcube! Here at Sweet Apple Acres, we grow all sorts of apples — red delicious, granny smiths, galas, honeycrisps…” She continued listing varieties for several minutes.

Flower Power whispered into Thunderstrike’s ear. “Flower-Power-said-we-should-have-more-than-just-apples,” she translated.

“What was that you just said?” Granny Smith asked. Applejack repeated what Thunderstrike had just said.

“We don’t just sell raw apples ‘ere,” Granny said, slowly. “We turn ‘em into apple fritters, apple pie, and even apple jam!”

“Those-are-all-soundin’-fine, but…” Thunderstrike said, “He-meant-he-likes-more’n-just-apples.”

“Morning apples?” Apple Bloom asked. “How ‘bout some nighttime apples?”

Everypony else facehoofed in unison.

“We know some farmers who grow pears as well,” Applejack said diplomatically. “We could ask ‘em for a few.”

“Sounds-a-right-deal-fine,” said Thunderstrike. She paused. “Ever-tried-deep-fryin’?”

Granny Smith gasped as if Thunderstrike had said a disgusting swear word. “Why would you wanna tarnish our fine apples?”

Thunderstrike threw up her hooves defensively. “That’s-’ow-we-do-it-where-we-come-from.”

As Granny gasped, Applejack said far more diplomatically: “That’s not ‘ow we do things ‘round these parts. We never dilute our apples’ flavour!”

Thunderstrike scraped her hoof against the floor. “But-this-is-our-here-weddin’.”

“I understand that,” said Applejack, “but while you're in Ponyville, I think you ought'a respect the way we do things ‘ere.”

Thunderstrike sighed. “Maybe-Ponyville-ain’t-the-right-place-for-us-after-all…”

“Ooh!” Apple Bloom gasped. “Have you ever tried zap apples?” Thunderstrike shook her head. “Well, you’re missin’ out! They’re an Apple family special! Every once in a while, lightnin’ strikes an apple tree, and by some kinda miracle, it grows rainbow-coloured apples! We even make jam out of ‘em! Oh, they’re amazin’!”

Thunderstrike placed a hoof under her chin. “Hmm... think-we-could-try-some?”

“Sure!” Apple Bloom exclaimed. “We don’t have any right now, but we’ll get you some ready by the end of the week. That’s an Apple family promise!” She proudly placed her hoof on her chest.

“So what d’you want us to do?” asked Rainbow Dash. Thunderstrike and Flower Power were gathered in her cloudominium’s entrance, along with Fluttershy, who stood quietly next to a statue.

“We-need-some-’elp-with-a-routine,” said Thunderstrike. “It’s-not-quite-dancin’... whadda-ya-call-it?”

“Choreography?” Fluttershy suggested.

“That’s-what-I-meant.”

“I’m no expert on weddings,” said Rainbow Dash, “but don’tcha need some music?”

“I-was-thinkin’-rock,” said Thunderstrike.

While Fluttershy was speechless, Rainbow exclaimed, “Sounds awesome!”

Thunderstrike nodded. “‘Twas-Flower-Power’s-idea. It’s-’is-fav’rite-kinda-music.”

“Mm-hmm,” Flower Power agreed.

Rainbow did a small loop-de-loop where she was hovering. “She has EXCELLENT taste!”

“He,” Thunderstrike corrected.

“Oh, sorry.” Rainbow rubbed her mane sheepishly.

Thunderstrike sighed. “Don’-worry. We-get-that-a-lot.” She took in a deep breath before continuing. “Anyway-I-wanted-us-to-fly-down-from-the-ceilin’-but…” She looked at her sides and flicked out her wings. “We-ain’t-that-good-at-flyin’.”

“Well, you’ve come to the right place!” Rainbow boasted, placing a hoof on her chest. “I’m one of the best flyers in all of Equestria — maybe even the world!”

“I could help, too,” Fluttershy added quietly. “Though I don’t fly all that often…”
“Neither-do-we,” said Thunderstrike. “We-was-Earth-ponies-’til-’bout-a-year-ago.”

“So you had to get used to having wings and a horn?” Rainbow blurted out. “Sounds rough.”

“But you’re not princesses… are you?” Fluttershy asked.

Thunderstrike nodded. “Not-yet-anyway. But-let’s-get-back-to-our-’ere-weddin’-plans. Can-y’all-’elp-us-rehearse?” She explained the routine they had in mind: she and Flower Power would start out on top of the horizontal support beams in the town hall, then gently fly down while circling each-other in opposite directions, before landing at the back of the room.

“Ooh! That reminds me of my bird friends!” Fluttershy exclaimed. Thunderstrike and Flower Power both turned to stare at her in confusion. “Sorry, I just… did I forget to mention that I talk to animals? I love watching birds fly, and I was thinking we could use them as inspiration for your routine…”

“I-like-the-sound-o’-that-there-idea,” said Thunderstrike. “Where’d-be-a-good-place-t’-practice?”

“Don’t worry. We can practise right here! My cloudominium is HUGE!” Rainbow gestured towards the high ceiling for emphasis. “We could even get the Wonderbolts to help!”

Thunderstrike furiously shook her head. “No-thank-you. We-don’t-wanna-be-the-centre-of-attention-we-already-told-Pinkie-this-did-she-not-tell-you?”

Rainbow paused as she took a moment to process what she just heard. “Fine,” she sighed in disappointment. “No Wonderbolts, then. Anyway, let’s get you into your positions… wait, I don’t have any rafters.”

“Maybe they could stand on top of the pillars?” Fluttershy chimed in.

“That’s an excellent idea!” exclaimed Rainbow. “You agree?”

Flower Power nodded, and Thunderstrike said, “Yep!” He whispered something in her ear. “He-said-he-loves-Clousdale-style-architecture-like-in-your-’ere-’ouse.”

“Aww, thanks,” said Rainbow.

Thunderstrike and Flower Power flew up into their positions.

“You ready?” Rainbow Dash yelled from below. “Three, two, one, and…” She blew into a whistle.

Flowerpower’s dainty frame made it easy for him to glide down gracefully, and he landed like a ballerina. Unfortunately, Thunderstrike wasn’t nearly as elegant. She desperately flapped her wings like a startled goose in a failed attempt to stop herself from face-planting the floor. Good thing the floor was made of clouds.
“Oh dear,” Fluttershy said as she pulled Thunderstrike upright. “Do you two want to try again?”

Thunderstrike nodded. “That’d-be-great.”

“I guess,” Rainbow sighed. “But I don’t have all day here. I’ve gotta do Wonderbolts practise this evening.”

“Rainbow Dash!” Fluttershy snapped.

Rainbow sighed. “Well, I’ve still got a few hours to kill…”

That evening, Thunderstrike, Flower Power, and Pinkie Pie gathered in Sugarcube Corner. Pinkie had made sure to come after the café was closed, and told the Cakes about their unusual visitors, but they looked like they were trying really, really hard to not stare.

“So how’d it all go?” Pinkie asked.

"Well…" Thunderstrike started. “We-got-on-just-fine-with-Fluttershy-but-got-into-arguments-with-just-’bout-everypony-else.” She took a sip of her milkshake before recapping the day’s events.

“Well, that’s a shame,” said Pinkie once Thunder had finished. “But at least you’ve got everything ready… right?”

“Kinda,” said Thunder. “Our-outfits-won’t-be-ready-’til-tomorrow-and-the-apples-will-take-even-longer.”

“Ooh! What kind of apples?” Pinkie asked, with the curiosity of an excited puppy.

“Zapples… z’papples…?” Flower Power mumbled.

“You mean zap apples?” Pinkie asked, and Flower nodded. “Great! All of the Apple family’s apples are my favourites, but zap apples are my favouritest of all!”

Thunderstrike sighed before she spoke again. “I-think-us-two-should’ve-’ad-more-time-to-get-to-know-those-friends-of-yours-first.”

“Howcome?”

“We-wouldn’t-’ave-gotten-into-so-many-arguments-if-we’d-’ad-time-to-explain-who-we-are-and-what-we’re-doin’.”

Pinkie chuckled. “Oh, don’t worry. My friends don’t hold grudges for very long. In fact…” She slammed her hoof on the table. “You’ve given me an AMAZING idea!”

“What’s-it?” Thunderstrike asked.

“It’s a secret!” Pinkie shout-whispered. “Promise me you’ll meet me here tomorrow morning — Pinkie promise?”

As the sun rose over Ponyville, Thunderstrike knocked on Sugarcube Corner’s front door.

“SURPRISE!” Pinkie yelled as she practically exploded out of the entrance, leaving a trail of confetti in her wake. The two alicorns jumped in surprise like startled birds.

Thunderstrike sighed. “I-thought-we-told-ya-not-to-draw-attention-to-us.”

“That’s why I’m holding your Reconciliation Party in the morning!” Pinkie ushered them inside.

“Reconcilin’-with-who-now…” Thunder interrupted herself when she saw Pinkie’s five friends inside, standing near a table covered in all sorts of cupcakes, cookies, and other refreshments.

Rarity placed a cup of tea down and waved at them. “I must apologise for arguing with you yesterday, darlings.”

Thunder wanted to say how it was no big deal, but she couldn’t get the words out. Instead, she stammered, “Gee… uh… thanks.”

“And I’m sorry for being so impatient,” Rainbow Dash said quickly.

“And I’m real sorry for snappin’ at y’all, even if Apple Bloom did try to patch things up,” added Applejack with a tip of her hat.

“Speakin’-of-which-how-long-will-it-take-to-grow-them-zap-apples?” Thunderstrike asked.

“Still got another few days of waitin’,” replied Applejack. Thunder nodded politely in response.

“Now let’s get this party started!” exclaimed Pinkie. “The Cakes told me I could only throw it if we cleaned up before the café opens, and these pastries aren’t going to eat themselves!” She bounded towards the table and dived into a plate of cookies. Everypony else laughed before digging in.

A few days later, it was time for the wedding in Ponyville Town Hall. Pinkie Pie was the officiator, her friends were the bridesmaids — each wearing a floral dress from Carousel Boutique — and Spike and Applejack’s immediate family sat in the audience.

“Alright!” Pinkie exclaimed. “Let’s get this party started!” Right on cue, DJ-PON3 slammed the needle onto her turntable, and the deep thumping of bass guitars filled the room. On cue, the Thunderstrike and Flower Power (who were now wearing the outfits Rarity made for them) fluttered down from the rafters; they’d realised it was far more reliable than gliding. Simultaneously, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash flew up to guide them down. Together, they all landed in front of Pinkie, and all the bridesmaids showered them with petals.
The DJ turned the volume down as Pinkie began to speak. “We’re all gathered here today for one of the most amazing kinds of celebrations of all!” She gestured at the bride and groom. “Thunderstrike, Flower Power, and I go back a long time. I first met them back when they were Earth ponies — the two of them walked into Sugarcube Corner, and I just knew there was something special about them…”

Pinkie’s speech continued for several minutes, until she was interrupted by a pair of flashes.

“Aren’t you forgetting somepony?” a motherly voice asked.

“Shh! We weren’t even on the guest list,” said another.

Everypony — and Spike — turned around to see that Princesses Celestia and Luna had teleported into the middle of the room. They all gasped in unison.

“Greetings, my little ponies,” said Celestia. “When Twilight wrote to us about two alicorns even we hadn’t met before, we knew we had to meet them.” Blushing, Twilight grinned sheepishly.

Pinkie cleared her throat. “Anyway… It’s time for the vows!” She faced the weds-to-be. “Thunderstrike! Will you take Flower Power as your husband for the rest of your lives?”

“Yup,” Thunderstrike replied.

“And Flower Power! Would you do the same for Thunderstike?” After a pause, Flower Power nodded.

Pinkie took a deep breath… “Then I now declare you… mare and stallion!” Everypony in the room — and Spike — cheered in unison and stomped their hooves.

A few minutes later, Pinkie unveiled a buffet table at the side of the room. “Snack time!” she exclaimed.

The newlyweds were the first to rush towards the table, and they gasped when they saw jars full of rainbow-coloured fluid. “This-’ere-zap-apple-jam?” Thunder asked, lifting up one with her magic.

“Only the finest from Sweet Apple Acres!” exclaimed Applejack behind her.

Thunder nodded in approval. She opened the jar of jam, spread some on a nearby pastry, and took a bite. Her eyes widened in shock, and she paused for a moment before swallowing it. “This-’ere-is-the-best-thing-I’ve-ever-tasted!” she exclaimed.

Flower Power tried some zap apple jam too, and then tapped Pinkie on the shoulder. “T-t… thank you,” he said softly.