Subway Girl

by Space Jazz

Rating: teen
Tags: Sex, Sunset Shimmer, Profanity, Twilight Sparkle (EqG), Dazzlings, Romance, Comedy, Adagio Dazzle, Equestria Girls
Length: 10993

Twilight falls head over heels for a sandwich artist. It's just unfortunate that the object of her affections seems to hate her for some reason.

Twilight falls head over heels for a sandwich artist.

It's just unfortunate that the object of her affection seems to hate her for some reason.

Sex tag for saucy situations and innuendo.
Profanity tag for a healthy helping of swearing.
Romance tag for a love as empty as the calories at Subway.
Comedy tag for the joke that is my taste in music.
Art by yuck-banner.tumblr(dot)com (nsfw warning)
Under new management! Originally published while in exile on Feb 15th, 2020 on a defunct alt named Hoagie.

Published 2023-03-17 10:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2023-03-17 10:00:01 UTC

Dead Like Outer Space!

Her eyes were death. Utter fucking contempt. And, to be honest, Twilight Sparkle was kinda into it.

She caught it in her periphery. Somewhere in the back of the bus, there was a woman interested in her. That much was easy to tell. She stole a few glances, trying to understand the intense stares from hateful eyes. Just what was her problem?

Twilight was no stranger to people watching. It was one of her favorite pastimes. She liked picking apart little details about people she found notable and making a quick narrative around it. However, everything about this woman was remarkable.

Those red eyes screamed “I hate you and everything you stand for.” Her wild orange hair only reinforced that fire. The permanent scowl was perfectly sculpted like the vindictive marble gaze of an ancient goddess. The only thing that seemed out of place was the tacky visor-cap that read “SUBWAY.”

You deserve better, Twilight thought. And she was right. No one deserved to spend eight hours a day—presumably just under thirty hours a week to avoid being paid benefits—slinging low quality sandwiches full of over-salted lunch meat and hawking overpriced bags of chips and cookies.

Twilight sent a smile her way. The woman’s brows raised for a moment before she rolled her eyes, her attention now focused out the window. Twilight suddenly felt cold without that raging fire on her.

She tried to turn her attention back to her music. Bright, poppy rhythms. She had her ex to thank for introducing her to emo, but she could claim her adjacent discovery of math rock all to herself. Somehow, the universe created a perfect genre of music combining the best of audio and arithmetic into one stellar sound of syncopated sweetness. How could she not listen to it?

Eventually, the bus’ squealing dragged Twilight out from her music. She looked back over her shoulder, finding the captivating woman standing up and heading off the bus. Twilight pretended to be more focused on her cellphone as she passed.

The fiery woman then stepped on Twilight’s foot on her way out. She didn’t apologize.

Rude. Twilight tried to shake off the pain. Meanwhile, her eyes chased the woman out the bus and tracked her down to a lonely looking strip mall on the corner of Seventh and Cherry. She made a mental note of it.

When her stop came around, Twilight was still thinking about that Subway girl.

Unfortunately, her first class didn’t give her much else to think about. The lecture was practically purgatory. It was a pre-major requirement, yet she already knew more than the course material covered. In fact, she finished all the assignments in the first week. So now all she had to do was show up and take notes to satisfy that fifteen percent of the syllabus dedicated for attendance. She had it all figured out.

She rested her head on her hand and stared off into the distance. The woman from before entered her mind again, and she began to wonder just what she was doing right about now. Working, obviously. Twilight had never seriously held a job past the summer, but she figured she knew what it was like from accounts from her friends. Mostly Sunset complaining about rude customers and the workload, but the restaurant industry did not seem inviting. She could only imagine how bad it was for a fast food joint in Downtown Canterlot.

Her stomach grumbled. She looked over to her classmates to see if anyone noticed. Thankfully, no one seemed to care. However, her next problem was what to have for lunch. She exhausted her healthy on-campus options, and the freshman fifteen was a genuine concern of hers. It hit her older brother hard when he first started college, and the last thing she wanted for any reason was to follow her brother’s footsteps.

Something light sounded good, preferably filled with greens.

She knew just the place.

~🍞🍗🧀🥬🥒🍅🍞~

Twilight followed the directions on her phone to a specific Subway on her map. When she first typed in “Subway on Seventh” she got five results within one mile. Those things were everywhere. She narrowed her search down again, remembering the cross street.

For some reason she couldn’t quite place yet, she was drawn to this particular store with this particular girl. She was all she thought about, and she just had to know that woman’s name at the very least. Then she could write it in cursive over and over again in her diary until her wrist hurt.

The bells jingled as Twilight entered the sandwich shop. Her breath picked up with each step. At this point, she was basically forcing herself. She stopped at the counter, staring at the flowing mane of orange curly locks. There was another girl in the back, playing with her phone while letting a rack of bread sit out in the open.

The Subway Girl turned around. Twilight eyed her name tag. Adagio’s vengeful eyes narrowed. "Oh. It's you.” Her voice had a bite to it, the kind of bite reserved for bedrooms and earlobes. “Welcome to Subway. May I interest you in our spicy tuna sub? It's limited time only."

"Uh, no thanks," Twilight said. Her mouth was dry. She should probably purchase a refreshing Coca-Cola. The markups on fountain drinks was how all fast-food places made their money, after all. However, her mind raced, and her mouth was uncooperative as she began to blurt out the first things on her mind. "I just saw you earlier on the bus, and I know it sounds weird and creepy, but I genuinely wanted to see you again, cause I think you’re really, reaaally pretty.”

“And I don’t even know if you’re into girls at all,” Twilight continued, her train of thought still chugging. “And yes, I recognize that asking you this is totally inappropriate since you’re working right now, but I honestly don’t know if I’ll see you again in public. So, uh, do you want to go out for coffee or something? It’s totally okay to say no, and I’ll respect your decision because I swear I’m not a creep.”

The sandwich artist clicked her tongue. "I'm not allowed to address suitors until I clock out," she said, twirling a lock of hair around her finger. "It's in the handbook."

"Page seventeen, subsection two," the other girl added. Twilight scanned her name tag, Sonata.

"Oh, okay," Twilight hummed. She bounced between the platforms of her feet and her heels. "So... When do you get off?"

She checked her nails. "In another hour or so. If you're gonna wait until then, I suggest you buy something."

"No loitering.” Sonata pointed at the sign plastered against the door.

Right under it was a sign that read: “No Soliciting Dates.”

“Is that a common sign in these stores?” Twilight asked.

“This one in particular. It came down from corporate.” Adagio tapped the counter. “So are you going to buy something or are you still window shopping?”

“Gah, right!” Twilight filled out an order, a six inch turkey breast on wheat with cucumber, tomato, and spinach. She watched as Adagio's delicate, glove-clad hands work the sub, layering thin slices of turkey onto the divided bread. She did the same with the veggies. Though Twilight couldn't help but suspect that she put extra slices of cucumber just for her. The extra green slice of water stuck out from the bottom of the sub, threatening to spill out and make a messy meal.

They reached the end of the line. Adagio wrapped the sandwich in a waxy paper and dropped it at the counter. It had a heavier than than usual, as if it were a ham or chicken breast sandwich.

"Five eighty-nine," she said, gesturing to the register.

Twilight paid only to hear an expectant cough. She followed Adagio's eyes to the tip jar. Getting the point, she slipped a dollar into the jar.

"There's two of us," Sonata said from the back.

Dollar fifty.

Twilight ate her sandwich slowly, agonizingly so. She checked her phone for the time, watching and counting the minutes until it came to the end of Adagio's shift. All the while, she stole a few glances of her, sometimes meeting eyes like they did on the bus. She smiled, which Adagio returned with a roll of the eyes again.

Eventually, Adagio slipped into the back, disappearing for a few minutes before returning with a jacket over her unflattering polo shirt. "See you at home, Sonata. Don’t forget to take out the trash.”

Sonata nodded, whipping her ponytail around the shop.

Scrambling to her feet, Twilight followed Adagio out of the restaurant, like a newly adopted puppy trailing its owner. She bounced with each step until they made it to the bus stop and far from company property. It was the municipality’s problem now.

"So?" Twilight asked, her throat dry. She really should have bought that drink. "Can I take you out on a date?"

Adagio smiled and leaned in close. Her breath smelled sweet—like honey mustard. "Fuck. No."

That was when Twilight knew she was in love.

Author's Note

"Caroline, Please Kill Me" — Coma Cinema

Chapter originally posted Feb 15th, 2020 on a defunct alt called Hoagie.

Fast as a Body from the Balcony

"Hey, bitch," Adagio greeted as she tossed a waxy torpedo at her sister’s face. It connected with a scrunch. "Dinner's ready."

"Even on my day off." She pulled her feet onto the couch and sat cross legged. "I'm sick of sandwiches."

"Aria, if you don't want to eat," Adagio said in a condescending tone while reaching for the "footlong” that was really about eleven inches. Scam artists.

"I'll eat," Aria said, clutching the sandwich like it was a precious gift. She unwrapped it and crinkled her nose. “You better have not drowned it in mayo.”

She did.

Adagio sunk into the lumpy couch and kicked off her work shoes. "You would not believe who I ran into today."

"Who?" Aria asked, mouthful of sandwich. Little flakes of breadcrumbs fell onto her sweatpants.

"Twilight Sparkle." The name was articulated tightly and with prejudice.

Aria nearly choked. She should have also purchased a drink. She struggled to swallow. The ridiculous, borderline wasteful amount of mayonnaise didn’t help it go down any easier. "Her? The fuck is she doing here?"

“Probably just the fates rubbing it in and laughing,” Adagio guessed, rolling her thumb over her sore heel. "She came into work, specifically looking for me, and get this: she tried to ask me out on a date.”

"Now that part I call bullshit,” Aria said before forcing herself to take another bite that was overstuffed with shredded lettuce. Scam artists. “Who’d want to date you?”

Adagio raised a middle finger but chose to move on. “I don’t think she’s the same Twilight from Equestria.” She slid deeper into the couch. “There’s something obviously different about her. Something childish. There. I figured it out. She’s a child.”

“The balls on her to ask you out, though,” Aria mused, picking at her teeth. “Most losers try Sonata.”

“I’m well aware,” Adagio said through grit teeth. “They do it because they think she’s an easy mark.”

“Keep telling yershelf that, Shecond Plashe,” Aria mumbled through another bite. “So did you spit in her food or what?”

“Couldn’t. She was watching me the whole time.” Adagio reached for the remote. Aria slapped it away. “Spat in yours, though.”

Aria stuck her tongue out, showing off the half chewed food before swallowing it. The conversation died as the television became more interesting than their catching up. Both were perfectly content for about two minutes before boredom, the great instigator, set in.

“Wanna do something?” Adagio asked. She looked at her phone and checked the date. Thursday. “It’s college party night.”

Aria cringed. “Ew, frat boys.” She looked down at her simultaneously dry and soggy sandwich. Pizza and alcohol sounded like a good alternative. “I’m in.”

Adagio scrolled through her feed. “Everfree, or West End?”

“The rich kids have better booze,” Aria noted, wrapping up her sandwich.

“Everfree it is.” Adagio typed away at her phone. “Texted Sonata to close up early.”

“Still don’t know why you trust her on her own.”

“Because I like going home early,” Adagio answered. “Now go get ready, slut.”

—🍞🥬🥬🍗🥬🍅🍞—

“You said you wanted to be more outgoing in college, right?” Sunset Shimmer sank into the plush faux-leather seats of Twilight’s Prius. “Well, a party isn’t a bad place to start.”

Twilight had planned to spend the night listening to love songs, eating her feelings through a pint of ice cream, and eventually falling asleep rewatching The Princess Bride while curled up in all her favorite blankets. So much for a healthier diet. However, that night of self pity and self serving was cut off by a text from Sunset. With lingering feelings still there, Twilight jumped at the opportunity to hang out with her, only to to learn that the plan for tonight involved large scale group debauchery, underage drinking, and loud music.

“I don’t know if big, loud parties are my thing.” Twilight held onto the car’s roof handle, not for fear or the illusion of safety. It was just a weird habit she had when riding shotgun. “Can I start with a student mixer or something?”

“There will be students,” Sunset countered, easing out of Twilight’s driveway. “And there will be mixers.”

“Mixers,” Twilight repeated, checking her phone for her glossary of party terms. “Non-alcoholic ingredients for cocktails—I could have figured that out.”

“You can’t learn partying from Google, Twilight. You gotta experience it for yourself.”

“Can’t I just watch from a distance and take notes?”

“They might be animals, but they’re not the nature documentary type.” She clicked her tongue. “Actually, scratch that, you’re gonna see a lot of fights and mating rituals. I do want you to document both. For posterity, of course.”

“For posterity,” Twilight hummed. “So what kind of party animal are you?”

“Tonight, I’m staying sober,” Sunset said, a hint of disappointment in her voice. “You’re the one getting lit.”

Twilight shoved her friend. Just friend. “Absolutely not.”

“It’s your night.” Sunset sped past a changing light. “I’ll just play mama bear and make sure you get fucked up responsibly. Any creep goes too far, and I’ll rip ‘em apart. Then when it’s over, I’ll drive you home and tuck you in.”

“Can I get a kiss goodnight, too?”

Sunset shot her a side-eyed glance.

“Right,” Twilight admitted. “Making it weird.” Twilight turned the car’s stereo up, letting the radio fill the empty air. Twilight looked out the window and noticed a familiar sandwich chain’s branding. Those things really were everywhere. “So I met a really pretty girl today.”

“Oh?” Sunset turned to Twilight, interest in her eyes. “Tell me more.”

“She just had this… real bitchy energy to her.” She held her hands to her chest, using the B-word as an empowering statement like her favorite magazine. “I asked her out, and she told me to ‘eff off. It was amazing.”

Sunset laughed. “I’m glad it sorta worked out, and good on you for trying.”

Twilight took in the praise as leaned back against the headrest. She closed her eyes and thought good thoughts, trying to get into the mood for a party a little more extreme than Pinkie Pie offered. It took some time, but she seemed to be warming up to it.

The car shook, and Sunset slammed her palm against the horn. “Use an intersection, you —“

—🍞🥬🥬🍗🥬🍅🍞—

“Dickhead!” Adagio cried, throwing a middle finger up at the speeding Prius. “This is a residential zone.”

“Should’ve jumped in front of it,” Aria joked, but not really. “Would’ve come with a big bag.”

Sonata nodded as she hopped up on the curb. “Like the time I slipped in the supermarket.”

Aria laughed. “We weren’t even trying that time.”

The trio walked a few more blocks until the got to the address they found. They paid the cover with cute smiles, and Adagio mouthed “Call me” to the bouncer while slipping a fake phone number in his shirt for good measure.

“Open season, girls,” Adagio said, scanning the party. “It’s the rich kid neighborhood, so everyone’s on the table.”

Aria was busy eyeing what was literally on the table full of food. “Yeah, yeah. I’ll make sure to nick a wallet or two before we go.”

“Where’s the fun in that, Ari?” Sonata asked, shimmying her shoulders. “It doesn’t have to be all business. Just watch.”

Sonata stepped away from her sisters and bumped into a boy leaning against the wall. He was cute, meek looking, but cute nonetheless. She knew how to pick her targets.

“S-sorry,” said the boy, hiding behind his cup.

Sonata flashed an irresistible smile and batted her eyes. “You can buy me a drink to make up for it.”

Adagio clicked her tongue. “Well, at least she tried.”

“I’ll pick his pockets while he’s distracted.” Aria crossed her arms as she looked the boy up and down. “Maybe not his cell. Looks like the ‘track my phone’ type.”

“Hold on,” Adagio said, jabbing her sister lightly with her elbow. “The loser’s actually giving her money.”

“Huh?”

Sure enough, the shy boy was reaching into his wallet and held out a couple bills, which Sonata took and exchanged for a leaping hug. The boy fell back into the wall from the momentum, and the youngest siren turned her head back to her sisters and smiled tightly.

“Well, looks like she can handle herself.” Adagio made her way across the living room. “I’ll find my own prize.”

—🍞🥬🥬🍗🥬🍅🍞—

“Baby’s first beer!” Sunset Shimmer held her phone up, recording Twilight for her Snapgab story.

“Sunseeeet!” Twilight’s cheeks flushed red. “Stop it.”

Sunset only laughed, zooming in closer on her friend’s flustered face.

Twilight looked down into her cup nervously. She couldn’t even imagine what her parents would say if they saw her—not that they would ever know. She planned to crash at Sunset’s to avoid any chance of being caught. Although, it wasn't like this was her first alcoholic drink. Despite what Sunset said, the one glass of wine at Hearth's Warming dinner with her parents did count.

She decided to focus on something else as she brought the cup into her mouth. Looking far into the rest of the party, it didn’t take long for her eyes to settle on the most interesting woman in the room—her Subway Girl.

Twilight spat her drink out, soaking her friend in a combination of spit and beer.

Sunset tried to shake off the drops from her phone. “Damn, girl. You could’ve just said you didn’t like it.”

“No, not that.” Twilight coughed as she shook her head. She vaguely gestured across the room. “That’s her! The girl I was talking about. She’s here.”

Looking over her shoulder, Sunset scanned the party. “Who? Wha?”

“Don’t look!” Twilight grabbed her by the collar of her leather jacket.

Sunset kept searching, pulling against her friend’s grip. “I’m gonna keep looking until you tell me who.”

“Fine, fine.” She pointed to the corner. “The girl with the giant orange hair. The one with bad-bitch vibes.”

“Her?” Sunset’s chest tightened as she recognized the woman. The party might as well have ended. “No, no no no!” She grabbed Twilight by the wrist and dragged her around the corner into the kitchen before pushing her against the wall. “Listen to me. Whatever you do, stay away from her. She’s trouble.”

Twilight cocked her head. “Do you… know her? Can you put in a good word for me?”

“Yes, I know her, and no I will not.” Sunset sighed. “Remember those sirens me and girls keep mentioning? Mind control? Battle of the bands? She’s one of them. I’m telling you she’s dangerous.”

“But you said the sirens were harmless after the Starswirled festival.”

Sunset rubbed her forehead with two fingers. “I know what I said, but the other you already burned that bridge a long time ago.”

“Seems like the other me’s always the one having fun.” Twilight pouted as she stared at her shoes. It didn’t take her too long to make the connection. “Now it makes sense why she doesn’t like me. Though, if she’s reasonable, I’m sure she’ll understand that I had nothing to do with the other me.”

Sunset scoffed. “I can assure you. The sirens are not.”

“But it has to be fate that we’re both here tonight!” Twilight squeaked. “We even had a meet cute earlier today. Well, it was at a sandwich shop, so it was more of a M-E-A-T cute,” she said, spelling it out with her fingers.

Sunset stared right through her friend. “The fact that you made that joke tells me that you’re not ready for her at all.”

Twilight glared up at her. “You seemed to decide a lot of things.”

Sunset pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed. “Twilight, I’m talking to you as your friend, okay? Not your ex.” She clapped her hands together in mock prayer. “Adagio Dazzle, even without her magic mind control horse shit, will fuck with you and tear your heart out just for fun.”

“Is it bad that I kinda want that, though?” Twilight had that glint in her eyes, and Sunset unfortunately knew that there was no stopping her ex once her mind was made up.

Sunset stepped back. “Fine. I tried. Don’t say I didn’t.” She looked down at the red cup in Twilight’s hands and took it. “Change of plans. You’re driving us home tonight.”

“But I’m still on my permit,” Twilight argued.

“That sounds like a you problem.” Sunset downed the cup. It wasn’t nearly strong enough to deal with today’s bullshit. She rolled her shoulders, loosening up before disappearing into a crowd of people.

—🍞🥬🥬🍗🥬🍅🍞—

Although the money at the end was the favorite part of her conquest, there was nothing stopping Adagio from making the whole process fun. She liked to stake out an interesting target, someone that she figured would be fun to pick apart piece by piece until she got what he wanted.

After scanning a few rooms, Adagio found her target. He was big, proud, most likely an athlete with a commanding presence. Classically handsome, he either got everything he wanted with a flash of a perfect smile or the implicit threat of his size. Adagio grinned, wondering what he’d look like begging on his knees.

She approached the table he was stationed at and watched him set up a game of beer pong. He cracked each beer can open, filled the cup, then crushed it in his hand.

She decided to strike as he gingerly began to set the last cup down at the tip of the triangle. She grabbed it from his hand and took a drink. She smiled up at him. “Was this yours?”

He smirked at her. “Go ahead. Anything for a hot chick.”

Pity. Adagio thought. It usually took a little more work.

She set the cup back down where he placed it and flipped it over. “There’s your handicap.”

He laughed. “I’m not gonna need it.”

“You will.” Adagio took a spot at the end of the table. “Trust.”

As the game went on, it became clear that Adagio was way better than him. Her strikes were precise enough that she had to intentionally miss some shots to keep raising suspicion. Actually, she had to “miss” a lot of shots to keep the poor fella interested. She almost felt bad for him when he grimaced at the prospect of taking down another cup.

“I hope this isn’t your best game,” Adagio said with a laugh. She was all smiles, a subtle way of lowering his guard.

“I play football,” he said with a slight slur.

She caught onto his defensive tone. “Lineman?”

He sneered. “Quarterback. It’s a skill position.”

Ooh, insecure. Adagio bit her lip. It was just too easy.

—🍞🥬🥬🍗🥬🍅🍞—

Twilight needed a drink once she realized who Adagio was with. Then, she quickly realized it was an unhealthy coping response and just filled her cup with tap water. Still, Adagio Dazzle was with Blueblood, University of Canterlot’s star quarterback. She saw his pictures everywhere on campus, and it seemed like everyone there liked him. There was just no way to compete.

However, worst of all: he had a penis.

Twilight had come to the grim conclusion that Adagio was straight, and there was no way she could do anything about that. She thought about just grabbing Sunset and leaving. However, Sunset seemed to be smoking something with a girl with long purple twin-tails in the backyard pool area. She decided to wait it out, lest she risk the effects of secondhand smoke.

Then a man on fire jumped off the roof and into the pool, smashing everyone nearby including Twilight.

She decided she didn’t like college parties as she went back inside to look for a towel.

—🍞🥬🥬🍗🥬🍅🍞—

Adagio hooked her arm around her prize, nestling into his large chest. He smelled like body spray and alcohol, but she could tolerate that for the few minutes it took to lead him up the stairs. Playing the part of a giggly college chick was the more degrading bit that she wanted to be over with. However, once she got behind closed doors, the siren would come out.

She pulled him up the steps, his heavy body half on her and half on the railing. For such a big guy, he couldn’t handle his liquor—not that it mattered to her. Reduced inhibitions made getting what she wanted much easier.

“Come on, big guy. Almost there.” She licked her lips and wiped her forehead against his shirt.

Like a farmer leading cattle, Adagio brought him to the bedroom. She let him collapse onto the bed, landing with a weighty thud. She crawled on top of him, almost rushing to undo his belt. It jingled as she pretended to struggle with it. She giggled as part of the routine and distracted him with her smile as her slender hands emptied his pockets.

“Your shirt’s easier,” she said, grabbing the bottom of his shirt and removing it. She crawled forward over his chest and kissed his neck, eliciting groans from her mark. Crinkling her nose as practiced, Adagio pulled away. “You should probably freshen up first.”

“Whatever you say, babe.” The hunk of a man got up and slowly ambled into the connected bathroom. Adagio’s eyes followed his form from his muscular back to his toned rear. He disappeared behind the door, and she waited for the sound of running water before she made her move.

Adagio pounced on his wallet on the floor and fished around. A small but not insignificant wad of bills sat inside, and she quickly counted it before stuffing it in her pocket. Though, she expected more. Didn’t these big college athletes make any sort of money?

She threw his driver’s license out the window but also took the Costco membership card. It would come in handy for grocery shopping. He probably didn’t even use it for anything other than kegs and giant bottles of vodka. But to her, it was like everything was on sale now.

After claiming everything she felt was useful, Adagio considered just returning to the party. However, since she was already here…

Not too long after, Blueblood returned. There was a smug, drunken grin on his face. She studied his hulking frame in the doorway, broad shoulders nearly taking up the entire opening. He stepped towards her, and she could feel the ground shake in his presence. The big football star was coming toward the end zone.

He pinned her against the bed with his weight, and she let him think he was in control. He planted rough kisses on her neck and shoulder, sloppily trying to recreate the same feeling she gave him earlier. His breath burned, and he gripped her by the hair and pulled.

“H-hey! Don’t pull my hair!”

He didn’t listen. In fact, he pulled again, dragging her head back so he could place his lips on the underside of her chin.

She dug her nails into back, and he let out a pained roar. She used all the force she could muster to push him off to the side. “Prick. What did I just say?”

He threw back his own choice phrases. None of them were particularly friendly toward women. She ignored him as she stormed out of the room.

Adagio needed to vomit. It was disgust alright. She felt it daily. However, she wasn't sure who or what it was directed towards. She wanted to rip Blueblood's stupid handsome face off and throw it from the balcony like a frisbee. However, the drinks were now settling in, and that made it hard for her to balance. Her aim was most certainly shot as well.

She held onto the walls as she stumbled through the halls of the home, searching desperately for the bathroom. Had she not ran off earlier, she would have loved to just throw up on the stuck up prick's junk. Unfortunately, she had dignity. A stranger's bathroom would do just fine.

Pounding at the door, Adagio leaned up against it for support. "Get out!"

"Occupied," squeaked a tiny voice on the other side.

"I don't care." Adagio shoulder checked the door and broke through the flimsy lock.

The girl inside screamed, dropped her phone, and hugged her knees. Thankfully, she was fully clothed, dressed in a dorky yellow sweater with a familiar set of unflattering glasses to boot.

"You," Adagio spat, recognizing the girl. "Off!"

"Sorry! I'm sorry!" Twilight squeaked, sliding off the toilet.

Adagio pushed past her and began to spill chunks into the water. "What are you even doing here?" Her voice reverberated off the porcelain.

"Hiding," she answered, wincing at the crack on the corner of her phone's screen.

"At a party," Adagio elaborated, her words followed by the rest of her dinner of a Sub Club with spicy mustard. It definitely burned the second time.

"Oh," Twilight hummed. She knelt down at Adagio's side and gently held back her mess of curly hair. Her thanks was another round of purging. "My friend dragged me here."

Adagio wiped a dribble of spit off her bottom lip. At least not everyone here's a total asshole. She stood back up, finding Twilight already with one foot out the door.

"So, uh," Twilight began. The geek looked different. Did she put her hair down? "It was nice seeing you again. I'll, uh, leave you alone forever now." She bolted out the door.

Adagio looked to the mirror to find her hair tied back into a frizzy ponytail. She reached back, pulled it off, and analyzed the velvet band in her hand.

"A fucking scrunchie?" Adagio asked, stretching the band between her fingers. "Is she twelve?"

Author's Note

"Townie" - Mitski

Originally published on Feb 20th, 2020, on a now default alt named Hoagie.

I Want to Watch You Grieve

“Oh, Sweet Celestia, I missed that smell,” Sunset slurred as Twilight draped her arm over her shoulder. “You never told me what soap you use.”

“Yes, I have,” Twilight said, not realizing she was getting into a useless argument with a drunk person. “Dirty Springwash from that place in the Canterlot Mall.”

“It’s sooooo minty!” Sunset sang, hovering her nose over the collar of Twilight’s sweater.

Twilight helped her down the steps from the house. “It’s vegan, too.”

“How do you know all my turn ons?” Sunset asked with a raspy gasp.

We dated, Twilight thought. But she knew better than to encourage Sunset while she was in this state. Instead, she just kept quiet, walking them both the short distance to her car.

She had planned the route on her phone. It was the fastest way to Sunset’s apartment that avoided the major streets. It was times like this that she wished she didn’t fail her behind the wheel test so many times. She could drive just fine, and she could ace any test on paper. However, there was something so inherently stressful about the practical test that she couldn’t handle. Functionally, a learner’s permit was a good as a license anyway.

She loaded Sunset into the passenger seat and struggled to keep her still to put on the seatbelt. It was an awkward battle of choicely angled limbs, but Twilight managed to incapacitate Sunset enough to click it closed.

“At least someone had fun tonight,” Twilight mumbled as she walked over to the driver’s side.

Not too far behind, a trio of women watched the scene play out from the front yard of the house as they spilled out from a party that had long died down and only the sad people remained—partying sadly.

“Everyone here’s on the table, huh?” Aria asked, her tone smug. She crossed her arms and kicked at an unfortunate pebble. “If you didn’t tell her to fuck off earlier, she’d probably give us a ride home.”

“Shut it.” Adagio booked a ride on her phone.

“How much you wanna bet her parents bought her that car?” Aria asked, taking a seat at the curb. “This Prius is for driving to school and the library only. Don’t even think about giving any strangers roadside assistance, if you’re catching my drift, sweetie.”

Adagio kept playing with the scrunchie, ignoring her sister’s tirade and suggestive hand motions as she stretched it between her fingers. Rich girl. Stretch. Socially inexperienced. Stretch. Friend of Sunset Shimmer. She pulled the band a little too far back, and it went flying into Sonata’s face.

Childish. Adagio nodded. This could be fun.

—🍜🌮🍣🍜—

Twilight nearly jumped as Adagio took a seat next to her on the bus.

She wasn’t entirely sure what to do, especially once she remembered that she had just promised to never see her again. But the bus was a little crowded, so there was a chance that Adagio only sat next to her to get a spot to sit. Twilight scooched towards the window, giving up the space on the seat.

Adagio didn’t even notice the smallest of kindnesses.

“Where do you get off?” Adagio asked, whipping her head and breaking the silence. The annoyance was clear in her tone as was the sculpted sneer.

“Second and Park?”

Adagio rolled her eyes. “I meant in asking me out and then following me to a party.”

“I didn’t follow you,” she said defensively, tugging at the straps of her bag. “My friend dragged me there.”

Adagio sighed, seemingly accepting the answer. She held out the scrunchie from before and dropped it into Twilight’s hand. “Thanks for not being a total dick last week.”

“Oh, um.” Twilight studied the band. There was a long strand of orange hair still stuck on it, and she briefly wondered what shampoo Adagio used and if it was too forward of her to ask. “You didn’t have to. I have more of these—”

“Canterlot Mall. Tonight. Eight.” The bus’ breaks squealed, and Adagio lazily stood up. “Come hungry. Wear something cute.”

Twilight nodded a little too enthusiastically, then watched her date exit the bus. Once again, her gaze followed her all the way to the sad looking Subway.

The moment Adagio disappeared, Twilight did a celebratory fist-pump, having come to the (absolutely incorrect) conclusion that being nice was all one had to do to get a date.

She wanted to tell all her friends but stopped herself from informing her group chat. Unfortunately but wisely, she came to the realization that Sunset would’ve only been proud if it wasn’t the one person Twilight wasn’t supposed to court.

Eventually, Second and Park came around, and Twilight almost missed it in her excitement of her date. She rushed off the bus and skipped her way back home, already envisioning what she was going to wear. She modeled her outfits to her puppy Spike, who seemed to excitedly approve of everything.

—🍜🌮🍣🍜—

Adagio noted the tassels on the sleeves of Aria’s jacket. “Fringe?”

“Yeehaw, bitch,” Aria said with an exaggerated drawl, dragging her hand across the fringe along the bottom of her other arm.

Adagio then judged Sonata’s Hawaiian shirt and Birkenstocks.

“I dressed myself today,” Sonata chirped, letting her loose tropical top flap around.

“Good for you.”

The eldest siren wasn’t all too sure what she was expecting when she told her sisters to “dress gay,” but this wasn’t it. Having shared a space with those two, Adagio quickly learned to be extremely specific with her directions, otherwise they’d do it in the most annoying way possible. Aria did it just to piss her off, and Sonata was Sonata.

She decided to just move past it as she booked a ride to the mall.

—🍜🌮🍣🍜—

Twilight looked down at the time on her phone. They were late. Though, she wasn’t sure what the plan for the date was.

An evening at the Canterlot Shopping Center could have been anything. There was a movie theater, a bowling alley, and a karaoke joint. All those were one time payments for a brief respite from the capitalist machine. That didn’t even cover the amount of dining options from fast food kiosks to high dining like the sushi place where Sunset worked.

Even then, they didn’t even have to do anything more than just spend the evening walking around and people watching or window shopping. That would show them.

All Adagio said was to wear something cute and to come hungry. And hungry she was. For the last few minutes, she debated on grabbing a microwaved cinnamon bun that was almost certainly radioactive. Then she glanced over to the food court and found a Subway tucked into the corner. It was like those things were stalking her. She wasn’t all that worried about that being the date spot. A food court Subway was just about the unsexiest idea to ever exist.

As for the “something cute,” she just used her old reliable: a sleek but modest dark purple dress. It was form fitting but covered everything with the help of her leggings. She just hoped it was enough to impress her date…

And her date’s… friends?

Sure enough, Adagio Dazzle was flanked by two other women, dressed as straight as a sandwich artist cutting open a footlong at Subway, which veered to the side like an awkward grimace—very much like Twilight's face. Twilight quickly recognized Sonata from her first run in with her date at her work. The other girl was familiar but she couldn’t place it just yet.

Twilight waved. A tight, subtle movement like a princess in a parade. “Hi.”

“Hey.” Adagio put her hands to her hips and stared her down like a costumed villain in a magical theme park would. “Sorry to just spring this on you, but this is Sonata and Aria. They’re super gay and madly in love.”

Adagio could feel the middle finger burning from inside the pocket of Aria’s fringe jacket.

Panic flashed in Twilight’s eyes for a split second before she performed a manual override on her emotions. Adagio had never said anything about this being a double date. Twilight didn’t even consider it in her long checklist of things to prepare for during first dates. Now, not only did she have to impress Adagio enough to be her lover, she had to get with her friends.

Play it cool, Twilight.

“Cool, cool, cool, cooooool,” Twilight said coolly. “Pleasure to meet you both.”

“Yo,” said Aria, a look of utter disinterest on her face. Did she even want to be here? Or was that kind of unimpassioned hatred for everything just part of her vibe?

“Samesies,” Sonata hummed. Unlike the other two, her eyes seemed to be missing whatever scorn the others had for her. It was more like a certain obliviousness to everything.

“So, did you have anything in mind?” Twilight asked. She wasn’t really feeling like much. Anything really. She just hit that certain point where she just wanted something inside her, for refusal of better phrasing.

Adagio shrugged and stepped out into the greater mall. “Literally anything but the food court.”

Sonata bounced behind her. “Well, there’s tac—“

“There’s this pretty chill vegan place on the other side of the mall,” Aria said, barreling over the other siren. “Kinda bougie but whatever.”

Adagio hummed. “I was thinking something with a little more meat. If we go outside, there’s a little bistro. What about you, Twilight?”

They were getting farther from the coffee Twilight first had in mind. Meanwhile Twilight, as a budding bisexual, was incapable of making a decision. “Uh, anything sounds good, really.”

“Meet in the middle?” Adagio asked with a shrug. “Neighponese?”

Oh, goddess no, anywhere but there. Twilight felt her body react before she did. Her stomach shriveled, removing any appetite she had built up as her mouth went dry. “I, uh.”

“Fine with me,” Aria said. Already two votes. “So?”

“Yeah… cool,” Twilight wheezed. At this point it was much too late to give her input without seeming really pushy. “Cool.”

So, out of politeness, she followed the trio to the sushi restaurant at the end of the mall. She racked her brain for an explanation as she knew going in that the optics were almost certainly not good.

Out of all the places Twilight could have taken Adagio, the restaurant where her ex-girlfriend worked might as well have been the worst possible option. If she could retract her previous thought regarding food court Subways as a date spot, she wouldn’t because those things were still gross and tacky.

It would be fine. All she had to do was play it cool.

Sunset Shimmer, who had been standing at a little counter in the front of the restaurant with her phone hidden in between two stacks of menus, cursed to herself as she watched her ex-girlfriend parade in with three women she could still genuinely call her enemies (even after she put in all this effort into being a good person [how rude!]).

Still, she was at work and had to be professional, so she decided to treat them the same way she did with any other customer: with aloofness and a fake sugary voice glazed on top.

“H-hey, S-Sunset,” Twilight squeaked. She could feel her heart trying to push her back the way she came. “What a… coincidence. I didn’t think you were in today.”

“I’ve worked the same schedule since before we met.”

“Right. Must’ve forgot.” Twilight said with an awkward laugh.

“Party of how many?” Sunset asked. It came out passive aggressive as it was obvious to everyone what was happening.

Twilight held up four shaky fingers. “F-four,” she said redundantly.

“Righty-O.” Sunset straightened out the menus in her hands. “Follow me.” She made sure to walk right by Twilight and spoke out the side of her mouth. “When I told you to stay away from the sirens, the proper response was to not date all three at the same time.”

Twilight swallowed. “All… three?”

Sunset led them deeper into the depths of their new shared hell for the next hour or so. There was a cute little koi aquarium, and it was happy hour! Buy one get one half-off special for the house sake. What luck.

They took a little private booth in the corner. Adagio sat across from Twilight, who had decided to sit next to Sonata (the arguably least threatening woman in the restaurant. Aria sat at her “date’s” side in the center of the booth.

Twilight racked her mental rolodex on where to start the conversation. For all she knew, she was dropped in a den of sharks. She was the new person in this group dynamic. If she offended just one of the three, her chances of continuing her relationship with Adagio would be shot. Not to mention, they had a history with her ex-girlfriend, their waitress.

No pressure.

“You look nice,” Twilight said. It was relatively meaningless, and they both knew it. Adagio always looked nice. Looking nice was a large part of the reason Twilight even noticed her in the first place even if she wouldn’t admit it. Attraction was a heck of a motivator.

“Thanks.” The way she said it didn’t seem all too appreciative. “So what’s your deal?”

That was an awfully confrontational way of asking that, Twilight thought.

“Well,” Twilight started, speaking up before she knew what she was going to say. “I’m in school, studying to be a mechanical engineer. Well, I wanted to be a neurosurgeon when I was little, but then I learned the sight of blood kinda freaks me out. And you know, mechanical systems are kinda like brains in their own way.”

“Fascinating,” Adagio said, not finding it fascinating. “You know, Aria’s studying to be a brain surgeon herself.” She shot a glance Aria’s way and stared through the burning hatred. “She can tell you all about what it’s like.”

“Really?” Twilight’s eyes lit up. “I mean, I still kept up with the medical textbooks, but practical settings are something else entirely.”

Aria narrowed her eyes. “Don’t poke at the wrong thing with the knife.”

That was all she said on the topic.

Twilight cringed and decided to let the subject die there as if it were a patient with a scalpel through the postcentral gyrus, which would have been totally fine because the patient wouldn’t feel it (or anything anymore, really.)

Thankfully, the conversation livened up (or was further ruined) as Sunset Shimmer stepped up, holding a notepad and a pen. She stared into Adagio, who only met her back with a smug smile, baring teeth.

“Can I get you all something to drink?” From the smell of her breath, it was pretty likely that she could give a qualified recommendation of the house brews.

“Water,” Twilight said, her eyes pleading for forgiveness, which was not on the menu for tonight.

Aria flipped through the drink menu. “A bottle of Gin Uma.”

“I’m gonna need to see ID”

Aria handed over a card.

“It’s expired,” Sunset said.

“I’m not,” Aria countered.

Sunset flicked the card back on the table. “Need a valid ID. Restaurant policy.”

“You were so much cooler when we smoked out last week.”

So that’s where I first saw her. Twilight flattened out the creases on the tablecloth. It was a small world, it seemed.

“I’m just gonna bring a pitcher of water,” Sunset said, mercifully stepping away from the table and leaving behind all the tension.

Twilight sunk a little in her seat, just a bit relieved there wouldn’t be drinking at the table—though that seemed to be the only kindness Sunset was granting her tonight. She was fairly sure that she was on her own for the most part as the restaurant seemed to be a hellish combination of busy and understaffed at the moment.

She stared down at the menu and bit her lip at the prices. She was used to scoring some free food by virtue of being friends with Sunset, but now she felt particularly guilty by just looking at the cost of a salad. The cheapest one sat at eight dollars and the priciest one, a lobster salad, sat at a prime fifty.

Eventually, Twilight decided on a modest order, and even then her Inaniwa Udon set her back about twenty.

“Oh, it’s fusion food,” Adagio hummed. “Fancy.”

“What’cha thinkin?” Aria asked.

Adagio shrugged, lazily dragging her finger down the menu. “The king crab ceviche sounds pretty good.”

Not to sound classist, but Twilight felt these were awfully expensive dishes for people living on miniumum wage. Though, she didn’t mean that they didn’t deserve to enjoy the finer, pricier things in life just because of their job. She just thought the orders were impractical and outside their reach.

Sunset returned with the pitcher, hand for now, the tension had eased up a fair amount.

“Are you ready to order?”

The trio nodded, and Twilight followed after them. Twilight got her udon, Adagio her ceviche, Aria a more expensive bowl of udon, and Sonata had been biting her lip and staring at Adagio, as if for permission.

“Oh, and Sashimi Tacos for Sonata,” Adagio said casually, watching as Sonata still squirmed in her seat.

“But it’s twelve dollars each,” Sonata said with a slight whine. “You won’t get mad again?”

Adagio chuckled. “Get as many as you’d like.”

“I’ll have five!” Sonata announced with a squee.

Well, it seems they’re aware that they’re splurging tonight, Twilight thought.

Nodding, Sunset collected the menus and left them to it, suspecting something was up at the way they seemed to be more than happy to order whatever they wanted. They never seemed that way before.

As the date progressed, it seemed the trio of sirens talked mostly amongst themselves. Twilight had to interject, and the way Adagio and Aria looked back at her, it felt like she was intruding on them.

Thankfully, mercifully, Sunset arrived with their meals, and Twilight at least had something to do on her date. The noodles were thick and chewy and the broth was just as rich as she could have wanted. At the very least, she could enjoy that from her date, even if it didn’t turn out like how she imagined.

Twilight struggled to find an entry point into the siren’s conversation. Waiting for a lull and a pause just wide enough for her to squeeze her way in. However, it seemed that the only thing Aria seemed enthusiastic of was arguing with Adagio.

“You do realize that’s a scam right?” Aria asked. “They lure you into an empty parking lot, knock you out and take your kidney’s for the black market.”

“Well not if you get them first,” Adagio countered, lazily stirring her finger across the ice cold glass of water.

“And what? Take theirs first?” Aria squinted, her mouth slightly open into a slight pout.

Sonata leaned forward, leaning on the table with her palms. When she spoke, flecks of half chewed food spilled back onto the table. “That’s why we have the surgeon here!”

Twilight coughed. “S-so how do you all know each other?” She tried to smile at them as a new wave of silence hit the table.

“Work,” Aria answered.

“Oh, um, neat,” Twilight pleated her dress at her knees. “So how long have you two been dating?” She made sure to direct that question towards Sonata, fearing having to make eye contact with Aria.

Sonata seemed to pause for a moment, seemingly reading a script in her head. “Two years. On and off.”

“Off for far longer,” Aria interjected, targeting her look at the other sirens.

“Right,” Twilight hummed as she picked at her soup. “My friend says you’re close.”

Adagio glared at Aria and spoke through her teeth. “Madly in love, remember?”

Aria rolled her eyes. “We just don’t show it much in pu—“

Without warning, Sonata leapt and grabbed Aria by the fringe, pulling her in and bringing her in for a kiss.

Aria pushed off and looked to the rest of the table, her skin tone a much deeper purple as blood rushed to her head. Adagio laughed to herself, seemingly getting Aria to glow even more.

Taking in a quick breath, Aria stood up from her seat. “Sonata, bathroom. Now.”

Sonata wilted like a puppy, nodding slightly before shuffling past Twilight. Then, she followed Aria through the restaurant and into a little hall were the restrooms sat, disappearing from the sight of the last two survivors of the date.

Twilight swallowed. “So…”

Adagio stood up. “I should probably check on them. They’ve been in there for a while now.”

“But they’ve—“

Already rounding the booth, Adagio pinched at Twilight’s chin. “Just sit tight there, cutie.”

Twilight’s face felt hot as she touched the spot where her date held her. “She thinks I’m…” She turned around and leaned over the back of her booth seat. “Wait, is this date going well?”

—🍜🌮🍣🍜—

Aria nearly kicked in the bathroom door. “Sonata, what the fuck!?”

“I’m sorry, Ari!” Sonata shrunk back. “She was just getting suspicious, and I had to do something.”

“On the cheek would have been fine, you freak.” She rushed over to the sink and began rinsing out her mouth. The taste of Sonata lingered like whatever the hell Subway put in their tuna—because it sure wasn’t tuna. Tuna wasn’t supposed to taste like metal even if it was a rich in iron. But that was beside the point. The point was that Sonata kissed Aria, and it was weird and terrible and gross—much like Subway tun—

“A little dramatic, aren’t we?” Adagio’s laugh echoed across the linoleum.

“Screw you.” Aria wiped her mouth free of water. “The food here blew anyway.”

“It’s a miracle you haven’t starved with just how picky you are.” Adagio leaned against a stall. “If Sonata isn’t good enough for you, what is?”

Aria spat back into the sink. Little drops of tap water hung from her lip.”Let’s just go. I’m over it.”

“You’re over everything.”

Adagio walked past the lovers and looked up at the bathroom window. It was tight, but they had gone through tighter. The door was at a weird angle, which made the gap harder to slip through, but Adagio didn’t really see it as much of an obstacle.

It took a simple flick of the head for the other girls to follow, giving her a boost to reach the window. Then, with a few carefully placed elbow strikes, she broke the hinge off the window and watched it fall into the bushes below. From then, it was only a simple matter of helping each other over and out.

Did they feel any shame? No, not really. However, they did feel the cool night air as the broke out into the mall’s parking lot. They walked a block away and enlisted the help of a getaway driver by the name of Cranky Doodle. He was rated at four-point-eight stars and gave out pistachios to all his riders. His taste in music was as antiquated as he was, so the girls decided to rate him four out of five stars. A death sentence in this economy.

All the while, Twilight waited for the three to come back. She looked over to their clean plates of food and pushed back any negative thoughts she had. They’d be back soon. She just knew it. There was no way they would just leave without a word, right?

Twilight checked her the time on her phone and watched the minutes go by. Maybe it was an emergency. Something happened, something bad enough that they had to leave immediately. That was it. Totally. If they had exchanged numbers, Twilight would probably have a text explaining what happened. Yeah.

Who was she kidding?

Twilight took in a breath deep enough to suck the entire universe through her nose. She looked down at her food, a modest selection of sushi. It didn’t take her long to piece together that her orders were the least expensive items on the menu while her guests’… were not.

She’d been had. Taken advantage of. They used her.

Her cheeks felt hot, and she wondered if they would ever cool down before the inevitable the heat death of the universe (or cold death, you do you). She would have stormed out the restaurant if it wasn’t for the fact that she still had the bill to pay. The kicker was that the last person she wanted to see right now would be handing it to her anytime soon. She just hoped Sunset wouldn’t be too self-congratulatory.

Unfortunately, Sunset was worse. She was kind. Twilight would’ve been fine with an “I told you so.” At the very least it gave her something to be mad about in the moment. Instead, she was forming an intimate relationship with humiliation, and their public display of affection was quickly becoming known to everyone else in the restaurant.

“Whoa, Twilight.” Sunset dropped the server’s wallet on the table and rushed to her friend’s side. “You okay?”

By that point, all the blood had worked its way up to Twilight’s face, and it wouldn’t have been strange to assume that red was her natural skin tone. She simply swallowed and forced out an, “I’m fine.”

Sunset didn’t need her geode to know Twilight wasn’t fine. She had caught the sirens heading towards the bathroom in the corner of her eye. If she didn’t have a family’s giant order on her plate, she would’ve followed after them. All she could do now was be a good friend to Twilight.

“It’s okay to be upset,” she said, her hand on Twilight’s shoulder. “I’m almost on my break. I can give you a ride home if you want.”

Twilight managed the most subtle nod. It took forever for Sunset to notice that motion when they dated. However most of the time, she resorted to her geode to figure out what Twilight really wanted (most of the time this backfired).

Sunset took a seat at the other end of the table and flattened the wrinkles in her apron with her palms. If she could allow herself to be selfish for just a moment, she would’ve admitted that she really needed that tip.

Author's Note

"Black Moon" - Screaming Females

Originally published on 4/20 (lmao), 2021, on a now defunct alt named Hoagie.

Let the Ghosts Sleep Tonight

Twilight stared at the sad little Subway at the edge of an even sadder looking strip mall with more vitriol than she had ever felt for anything before — And if felt great! Well, she lived a sheltered life, so she wasn’t really mad at much yet. She hadn’t even entered the workforce. She could find something to be cross about there then.

The bus nearly barreled past the stop before Twilight yanked at the thin cord above her head. And with a chime and an aggressive squeal of the breaks, the bus stopped right in front of her date’s place of work.

She stepped off and out into the world, her teeth grit and her fists clenched. Her breaths began to pick up with each footfall.

Stopping just short of the glass entrance and posters hawking the deal of the day (half off tuna subs on Tuesdays, for anyone curious), Twilight leaned against the hard concrete wall and prepared herself for an unpleasant confrontation. At the very least, she had the advantage of preparing for it. And gee, did she uh, prepare.

Twilight had practiced her speech for the better part of the morning. She was pretty proud of it, too. It had an arc to it, rise and falls in intensity and a proper cadence to convey her well warranted frustration and righteous fury. Oh, she was absolutely going to let her bad date have it. This was her taking a stand and becoming a stronger, more better version of herself.

All that went out the window once she and Adagio met face to beautiful face.

Adagio had been resting on her cheek on her hand and took a moment to glance up from her phone. “Did you want something?”

Twilight’s face scrunched. “Uh, what you did last night was… not nice!”

“Uh huh.”

Twilight gritted her teeth. “How dare you take advantage of me like that.”

Aria stepped out from the back. “Let her have it, girl.”

“And. And.” Twilight’s breaths grew heavy.

Adagio leaned in. “And?”

Twilight felt her angry tears threaten to breach the corners of her eyes. “And you’re mocking me, aren’t you?”

“What?” Aria gasped dramatically, looking at Adagio. “Nooooo. She would never.”

Twilight balled her hands into fists. “You owe me.”

“Owe you what?” Adagio asked. “Money? Sex?”

“An apology.” Twilight tried to hide the flush in her cheeks. “And yes, whatever you and your friends owe me for the date.”

“Okay!” Adagio clapped her hands together. “We’re currently fresh out of apologies. But! I can pay you back.”

She made her way to the cash register, punched a few buttons, and began to slowly, passive aggressively count out a stack of bills, making sure to look Twilight right in the eyes. She slapped the last bill on the counter. “There. That should cover it.”

Twilight glanced up at the security camera in the corner. “Um, I can’t take that.”

“Why not?” Adagio’s smile was plastered, far more interested in Twilight’s answer now.

“It’s the store’s money.”

Adagio scoffed. “It’s insured. I’ll just tell the police that I was held up by a girl with the cutest little set of doe eyes.”

“You think they’re—?”

“Yeah, it’ll lead them right off your trail.”

Twilight glowered, realizing she had done the verbal equivalent of walking into a rake. “I’d feel much better if you paid me back legally.”

Adagio sighed. “Fine.” She slipped the cash back in the register. “We’ll do it your way.” She leaned over the counter and grabbed a gift card from its display. “As a shift lead, I’m authorized to award gift cards to placate the more problematic customers.”

She punched a few buttons on the register and swiped the card. “There. Twenty-five dollars. Are we square?”

Twilight scoffed. “You’re joking, right?”

“I’m doing you a favor. The usual limit is twenty.” Adagio turned to Aria. “Would you say she’s a problematic customer?”

Aria nodded. “Very problematic.”

Adagio grabbed another gift card and brandished it. “Guess who’s getting another gift card?”

“Is it her?” Aria asked with a smirk.

Adagio swiped the card. “Very good. Now that’s fifty dollars. That’s a week’s worth of six inch subs of the day. Today’s is spicy tuna.”

“A fate worse than death.”

She slid the cards over to Twilight. “You know what?” Adagio tapped her chin in mock thought. “I think this warrants another gift card on Sonata’s behalf. Can’t forget that she’s to blame, too.”

Another gift card. Another twenty-five.

“There. You bought us food. She bought you food,” Aria crossed her arms. “We’re even.”

Twilight didn’t know what to say. Seventy-five dollars worth of cheap sandwiches only covered half of what the three girls had cost her—not that she was hurting for money—but it was the principle that mattered.

Twilight looked down at the gift cards on the counter. “I… I’m…”

“Speechless? Eternally grateful? Glad we got this sorted out?” Adagio suggested, finishing her sandwiches.

Twilight bit the inside of her cheek. “Actually insulted?”

“Good!” Adagio said sharply. “Now you know a fraction of how I felt when you asked me out.”

Twilight stood there, mouth open. “Why are you doing this? I did nothing to you.”

Adagio smiled and leaned across the counter, gently pinching at Twilight’s chin with her gloved hand and leaving a spot of mayonnaise against her chin.

“You just have a really unfortunate face.”

—🍕🍕🍕🍕🍕—

“You what?”

Sunset Shimmer nearly choked on her pizza. And while she would usually blame it on the buckets of grease the on-campus pizza joint lovingly slathered on top, the true cause was utter bewilderment.

“I think it went well,” Twilight said with a bright lilt to her voice.

“She called you ugly!”

“She said my face was ‘unfortunate.’ There’s a difference there. I think she meant I looked too much like the other me.”

Sunset’s laugh made love with a scoff and birthed a noise that was frankly confused of its own existence. “Well, I’m glad you’re taking it fine, I guess. But forreal you’re lucky to make it out alive.”

“You’re exaggerating,” Twilight said as she mopped up a pool of grease off the surface of their plain pizza. “They don’t seem that bad. A little mean, but maybe I need that.”

“I’m just worried they might be up to something. They seem like the grudge holding type.”

“Figured that one out already. I don’t need you to tell me that,” Twilight said, a bit rudely. She caught onto her tone and bit on her tongue. “Sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Sunset brought her hand out and squeezed at Twilight’s wrist. “Look, I trust you. I don’t trust them. But I get it, you gotta do you. Just don’t hesitate to get me involved if things get out of hand.”

Twilight did something that approximated a huff and a laugh with enough plausible deniability for either. “Thanks. But I’ll be fine.”

“I’m serious. Say the word, and I’ll fire a friendship laser at them.”

This time, Twilight’s laugh was a bit more genuine. “You never told me the full story behind that.”

Sunset crinkled her nose. “Yeah, I don’t like revisiting that era of my life. Was a bit of a bitch back then. Life after wasn’t pretty either."

“You had a bitch phase and never told me?” Twilight had that glint in her eyes. “I would have loved to see it.”

“You did,” Sunset answered. “Well, the other you did, but I’ll still count it.”

“The other me gets everything.”

“The other you recognized Adagio was a threat, at least.”

Twilight didn’t hear that as she was preoccupied with inspecting her unfortunate face in the dented napkin holder sitting on the table, thinking about what she could do to change things and turn things around from her unfortunate position.

Sunset wiped a bit of grease off her chin. "What are you even trying to get out of this, anyway?"

"I don't know." Twilight shrugged. "I think she's neat. I don't know if I want to fix her or if I want her to ruin my life."

Author's Note

"The Start of Something" — Voxtrot

Originally published on 17th March, 2023, on a potentially defunct alt named Space Jazz.