Boy Do You Ever Love Nature
A Typical Morning Among Idiots
Boy Do You Love Nature
Chapter 1
By GrassTroll
It had been a quiet day, giving you no reason to suspect it of being any different from some other day. Not unlike a day you once knew named Laurence. Oh how you missed Laurence. However, as you hung helplessly in a sturdy net made of vines around 20 feet off the ground staring at a group of savages dragging your best friend's half-dead body through a clearing, you can't help but think to yourself that something about today is a little bit peculiar.
We're not that far yet though, so let's take it back a little. Does the beginning of the day sound alright with you? Of Course it does, because you're not allowed to have an opinion. If you want an opinion by all means you tell the story, but I digress. Let's begin then, eh?
You awoke that morning in your usual state, which is to say utterly exhausted and devoid of any intention of getting out of bed. Like any other day though eventually your own personal alarm clock stopped by to make sure that you never forget your reasoning for keeping blunt instruments within hoof's reach at all times. By this of course you mean that your roommate decided to wake you up, and you decided to chuck a lamp at him. Being thoroughly used to this routine he sidestepped the lamp, letting it shatter harmlessly on the ground. Harmlessly meaning harmless to everyone except that poor lamp... Celestia rest his soul.
Not missing a beat he proceeded to begin prodding you, exclaiming “come on you lazy sack of fluff you promised me we could go on a hike today!” You find this hard to believing considering you don't exactly remember anything about promising him about any hike. You weigh your options, considering whether it might be worth it to give throwing things at him another go. Taking account of the things near you, you notice that the only object in hoof's reach is your favorite plushy human that you fall asleep with every night. Immediately ruling out that option you decide to just humor him and sluggishly stumble to your feet, proceeding towards your bathroom.
You brace yourself against your sink staring in the mirror, and dang do you look sexy as ever. Nopony could resist you, with your sunken in eyes from late night partying, Irreparable bed-mane, dried trail of drool on your face, and ravishing breath that smells distinctly of Cheetos. Truly you are a sight to behold.
Giving up on general cleanliness you opt to just take a shower, hopping in and closing the curtains, not bothering to close the bathroom door, because you know that if you don't let your roommate peek then he'd just climb into the vents to watch anyways. Picking up your favorite shampoo, Old Spice: Scent of Sweat and Testosterone, you squirt some onto a hoof lathering it through your hair and gargling a little of it just to make sure you're extra prepared for what horrors the day has in store for you, muttering about how the burn means that it's working. You quickly rinse out your hair and towel off. Then, deciding you are about as ready as a day like this will allow you to be you walk out of the bathroom to face your roommate.
“Alright then, now what exactly are we doing” you mutter out barely able to process basic thought.
“We're gonna go for a hike like I said” he exclaims with a tinge of annoyance. You hear the whine creeping into his voice and to avoid the oncoming onslaught of irritation you quickly force yourself awake.
“Alright fine let's go on a freaking hike then buddy of mine” the sarcasm dripping from your voice is nearly tangible as you trudge to the door, your friend bouncing along behind you in a manner that makes you want to do nothing more than throw his head under a moving carriage. Quietly sulking to yourself you decide that today is going to be agonizingly slow.
Blindly following your friend through the streets you ponder how much effort it would take to convince him that you should both go bowling instead, you heard that the Cutie Mark Crusaders were giving lessons. Granted you didn't legitimately want to learn bowling from them of course, you just thought that the ability to accidentally murder people with bowling balls could potentially be a handy skill to have.
It was then that you noticed your friend had been excitedly chattering away and you weren't paying attention at all. Not that, either of those facts were even slightly surprising due to how often both of those things tend to happen.
“-so that is where, and what, Luna was during the royal wedding. Pretty cool huh?” he grinned at you happily. The look not unlike that of a puppy looking at it's master after it successfully fetched a stick, hoping to be praised. Thankful for your luck at having caught enough of the conversation to form a vague response you throw on a smile and reply to him in the safest way possible when having no clue what someone just said
“Eeyup.” Satisfied with your response he continued to hop along before finally coming to a stop. With all of your quiet lamenting you had completely forgotten to check where he was leading you. For all you knew he could've lead you to the glue factory, the horrendous place that mares told their foals of to keep them from misbehaving. The truth was only slightly less frightening. Ahead of you loomed what was once a path that had long been overtaken by the creeping weeds, vines, and other various plants. A thick layer of fog blanketed whatever you could see so that your vision was basically on par with that of a petrified pony, which is to say nonexistent. Yes there was no mistaking it, your psychotic roommate honest to Celestia expected you to go hiking with him in the Everfree Forest.
