Rap battle of the Blood moon

by Short-tale

Rating: teen
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Luna, Comedy, Queen Chrysalis, Profanity, Pinkie Pie, DJ P0N-3
Length: 4722

A disguised Queen Chrysalis challenges Pinkie Pie to a rap battle to eat the love of the crowd. A challenger neither of them expect attends.

Queen Chrysalis, disguised as the Notorious B.U.G., has been practicing her free styling skills and feels finally confident enough to challenge the reigning champ, Pinkie P. If she can defeat the champ the crowd will love her and fill her with the love she needs.

It’s the blood moon and the urge to battle brings the contestants to the arena. A third combatant is drawn into the fray that neither expect.

This is more of crack fic I wrote for a BWG prompt. Thought it might be fun to put it out there. Thanks to Xervis and Sleepless for editing. And thanks to Queen Chryssy for the inspiration to publish it.

Published 2023-03-16 15:50:00 UTC
Last updated 2023-03-16 15:50:00 UTC

Thrown down under the blood moon

It was my moment to take what should have been mine. How dare these wretched ponies think they had me under their hoof? I could barely contain the rage and contempt I had for them, but I had to. If my plan was going to work I had to live among them. Just another face in the herd.

“Hey Sunshine Daisy, wait up!”

My stupid name. I had to fit in and the sickeningly sweet sound of pony names was part of it. Once my plan was complete I could ditch this dreadful moniker, and emerge as the one and only Queen Chrysalis, bane of ponykind.

“Hi, Lemonshine. What’s going on?” I hated using that perky voice. I planned to drain the love right out of this stooge when I was finished with her.

“Aren’t you excited? It’s the big rap battle!” She hopped up and down. I fought the sneer in me. “I heard Pinkie P is here in Canterlot already. She’s got her DJ friend and hype sister too!”

“Oh, I have to battle her?” I fiegned nervousness. That Pie brain will fall to my vocal might.

“It’s ok, Shiny, I’m sure you’ll do great. Pinkie P is the nicest rapper in Equestria, she won’t rub you too hard.” Lemon put her hooves on my shoulders. For a brief second I actually felt better, then I remembered my dethronement and my stolen swarm.

“Thanks Lemon, I don’t know if I’m good enough to take on Pinkie P, but I’ll do my best.” I smiled, which hurt my face considerably.

I had spent the last two months starving, taking only enough love from these “friends” to survive. Lemon Hearts, Minuette and the dour Moondancer were very stupid for inviting me into their circle. But the support and intel they provided helped to hatch my next plan.

Music is the heart of Equestria. Equestria thrived off their inane singing which brought them closer together. What better way to get revenge than to use their own harmony to destroy their feeble bonds?

Hip hop and rap seemed an obvious choice. It required no instrument and was fueled by rhythmic speech. As easy as it sounded it was much harder than I anticipated. The crowds were very particular and my rhyming was too rigid. I was laughed and booed off the stage. It was humiliating.

Minuette tried her best to brighten my mood but I was despondent and famished. Surprisingly enough Lemon had come to my aid and I was able to feed upon her, unbeknownst to her of course. Luckily I stopped before any injury occurred but it was enough to bring back my strength.

Lemon was a little less enthusiastic after that so it was a win win for me. The rest encouraged me to try again, even offering help. Minuette helped me with my timing and pacing. Even the shut-in Moondancer found rhyme dictionaries and poetry to help with my rhyme schemes.

“Relax, Shiny,” Lemon said with her cheery disposition as my thoughts returned to me. “You’re going to do great.”

Minuette, Moondancer and even Lyra Heartstrings arrived. That pony seemed to be everywhere. I should have replaced her. Still it was nice to see them. Argh! I had started to think like them. I needed to dominate them soon.

“Are you ready Shiny?” Minuette said with an extreme smile. “Do you need to rehearse some more?”

“It’s freestyle. You can’t really prepare that much.” It was the strangest part of my education. I was used to planning then attacking. This was discarding any plan and hoping I would find the right words as I needed them instantly. It was completely out of my wheelhouse. But I had been practicing daily.

“But you’re ready right?” Moondancer seemed a bit more concerned than I had seen her. She looked more nervous than I. I mean than I was pretending to be. I placed a hoof on her shoulder like a ‘friend’ would and didn’t cringe internally. I ignored it.

“You seem ready, but you don’t look ready,” Lemon said with excitement streaming out of her. It smelled delicious. “It’s time for a makeover!”

“What?” These makeover things felt unnecessary, being a changeling I could just alter my appearance to whatever I wish.

They didn’t respond with more than giggles and began pushing me to the various shops of Canterlot. I don’t like being dressed but it kept my mind off this evening. Not that I was nervous.

“Can you believe it, Twilight? Tonights going to be fun fun fun!” I said running around the house looking for my gear. I was just formally challenged by a pony named the Notorious B U G to a rap battle. It was excitingly fantastic! Citetastic!

“Are you sure this is a good idea, Pinkie? I mean this letter sounds really… insulting.” Twilight looked at the challenge letter and tried to understand why it seemed so mean.

“Oh that’s just part of the game Twilight. Rappers like to diss one another in battle for fun. It makes the audience think we really hate each other.” I finally found my hat sitting on a whoopie cushion. It wheezed and raspberried as I took it off.

“Seems kind of mean if you ask me. I thought we were supposed to show ponies the joy of friendship, not the fun of insulting them.” Twilight put the letter in her bag for some reason. I think she just likes saving anything she can read.

“Twilight, you’re so uptight. I thought I helped loosen you up! It’s a contest, just for funsies! I don’t like making fun of ponies so normally don’t. It’s why I win so many.” I slid into the black pants that were part of my trademark look. Something about putting on pants made Twilight blush a little. I giggled as I put my sweatshirt on.

“Well this is your thing. I don’t really get it. Rap music is kind of like noise to me.” Twilight looked out the window as if she said something wrong. It’s an opinion, it’s ok to have those.

“Well, have you ever been to a rap concert or battle before?” I found my large clock necklace. I didn’t even know why I wore it. Maybe the loud ticking helped me have a beat to tap to. Maybe I liked it cuz’ it’s silly.

“No.”

“You’re going tonight then. You can help cheer me on. Most of our friends are in Ponyville and you’re my bestest friend that’s purple, a princess, and lets me kiss them.” I winked, she always got flustered when I did that.

“It’s called a marefriend, Pinkie, and yeah I read that a marefriend is supposed to be supportive of her mate’s hobbies and dreams. This is important to you so even if I don’t really get it, I’ll go.” She gave a small smile which I added a nice warm hug to. Then a very special kiss.

“Thanks Twi! You’re the bestest fillyfriend ever!” I opened the door for us and we made our way into the night air.

“It’s a lunar eclipse tonight, Pinkie, I was hoping to watch with you.”

“Oh no problem. The battle is outside. We can watch it while I rap.” I looked up to the big full moon, a small corner of it was starting to brown. I wondered if Princess Luna got affected by it. Twilight would know.

The blood moon had begun. I could feel the turmoil and jealousy rising in me. My visage was blocked from the sky and I could feel my spirit stir. It was a time for battle. I needed an outlet for my rage.

Long ago there were many foes to vanquish. I only needed to choose one then attack when the blood moon was at its peak. But those days are gone and Equestria was safer than ever. Though I appreciated it, nights like this were far more dangerous for my subjects.

“Princess Luna?” A small knock on the door brought me back to my large bedroom.

“Yes?” The door opened and a small bat pony walked slowly to me bearing a piece of paper in her muzzle.

“The participation waiver, your majesty, for the rap battle in the square. You asked me to bring you one.” The small black bat held the waiver towards me, I took it with my magic. A terse scan of the contents I confidently signed my name.

A rap battle, a strange recreation of the bard battles of yore. Not the same as the battles I had with tetzel worms or hellions in my youth but still could provide my blood lust some release. I looked into forms and rhythms and felt I could present a considerable challenge.

“Thank you, Captain Squeak. Now ready my poetry battle garb!”

“At once your highness.” The little guard ran to my wardrobe and produced the large hoodie I required. In the past bards clad themselves in ornate capes, feathers and really big hats. Now they were more subdued. Simple street attire was sufficient as the intention was to be as down to earth as possible. It certainly cost less. Perhaps that is the draw.

I walked through the castle in my new garments, the guards glanced at me as I walked. The small bat guard followed me. I was about to dismiss her but decided it was best not to fight.

The castle doors opened by guard power and I trotted into the night air. It was almost time for battle. My muscles tightened in anticipation and excitement.

{HR}

“You’re early, bug filly” The DJ said to me. She tipped her magenta colored glasses at me. “The battle is still like 15 minutes away.”

“I thought it was a good idea to show up early.” Isn’t fifteen minutes cutting it close? What is wrong with this pony? Lemon Hearts and Moondancer said early is better, so why am I being chastised for it?

“Whatever, just don’t try to get all chummy. I don’t choose the winner, the crowd does.” The unicorn returned to some sort of warm up. I couldn’t tell, she had headphones on.

I focused on my target, Pinkie P. She was one of Twilight and Starlight’s brood. I shall savor the feeling of breaking her will and taking the crown from her.

I looked around at the audience gathering near the stage. These would be the ponies determining my fate. I watched their stupid, friendly faces and some glanced my way.

Lemon Heart’s ‘make over’ was simply a hoodie and some loose pants. It was unnatural to wear such outfits but I could bear it for victory.

The crowd talked excitedly about the nature of the battle. I heard my stage name used in multiple places and realized I was about to perform for them. I wasn’t some entertaining act, I was a warrior. I had no idea how to play to a crowd. I was so focused on rhyming and defeating Pinkie that I forgot how public this would be.

The crowd held my fate in their hooves which meant I needed their favor to win. It wouldn’t matter which could rhyme better but which they liked more. Would my anger and plight win them over or did they want that sickeningly sweet way that Pinkie P rapped?

The disgusting cuteness of them caused my stomach to churn and the crowd to undulate strangely. The world itself bulged and swayed under my hooves. I needed to get off the stage before the tidal wave was released.

{hr}

“Pinkie! Watch out!” A pair of purple hooves grabbed me and pulled me away from some pony that nearly ran into me. It was a mass of dark gray fur with an eerie green mane.

“Who was that?” I wondered out loud. No pony answered.

“It looked like-“

“Twilight? Oh.., hi,” MoonDancer, one of Twilight’s old friends ran up with the rest of that crowd. I remember the smile I helped give when Twilight asked me to throw her a party.

“Hi Moondancer, Lemon Hearts, Minuette and Lyra!” I waved as they came close. “Here to see the show?”

“Yeah, we’re supporting Sunshine Daisy, our new friend.” Moondancer said with an odd proud look at Twilight.

“You’re making friends! That’s great Moondancer!” Twilight said super duper excited. She looked around. “Where is she?”

“I think she ran to the bathroom. She’s really nervous about going on stage.” Lyra glanced in the direction of the crazy mare that ran by.

“Wait, not the one that just flew by, was it?” Twilight sounded a little wary. I wasn’t hurt and if the pony wasn’t feeling well I’m sure that’s why she ran.

“Yeah, she’s battling Pinkie P tonight.” Lyra said cheerily.

“That’s Notorious B U G?” I asked. She seemed like such a nice filly, it was hard to imagine her using such language.

“Yeah. I told her to call herself Sunny D, but she said it sounded lame,” Lemon sighed. I thought it was a great name.

“B U G, huh…” Twilight was thinking again. I could see it in her eyes, in her twisted mouth and the way she said “mmmmm.”

“What are you thinking Twilly?” I asked, as innocent as a red rose. I mean come on, what did they do?

“I think Notorious B U G might not be who she seems.” Twilight stared at the bathroom door. Some poor pony was retching so loud it made others uncomfortable.

“Seems like just a nervous pony if you ask me.” I wondered if I should go in and cheer her up. After all it won’t be a fun battle if one of us is too nervous to fight. I should probably tell her most of the insults are fake and just to hype up the crowd too. That normally relaxes others and then we can laugh as friends.

{hr}

“I’m not sure this is safe, your highness.” Squeaks asked me looking suspiciously at the crowd. “This crowd might get rowdy.”

“I assure you Captain Squeaks, they are no threat to me. I fear more for their safety.” I tried not to think about the draw of battle. The moon was shadowed considerably and my body yearned for a fight. I could fling the crowd in the air with a mighty blast of my wings if I wished. The Captain had no cause for alarm.

I gave my entry to the DJ, who looked at it like an exam. She pushed her glasses down and stared at me. “I think you should try a name that’s less on the nose.”

“Oh? What would you recommend?” Princess of the night sounded fearsome enough. I could feel my need to conquer rising. It wasn’t going to hold out much longer.

“How aboooouuut… Lady Luna.” The unicorn wrote something on my form and put it next to the others. There were only two other combatants. “You’re in the second round. You’ll go against the winner of the first round.”

“Lady Luna does not inspire fear.” It sounded presumptuous.

“Trust me. You don’t want to be scary. You want to be badass,” the uncouth unicorn stated. “Lady Luna sounds sophisticated and intimidating but not scary. A pony that isn’t to be messed with.”

“Very well I shall adopt this moniker, hopefully my battle lust will hold that long.”

“Uhh right..” the DJ looked confused but nodded to herself as her headphones turned back on.

I found a booth in the corner and sat next to my guard. Hopefully the position would keep me in check.

{Hr}

“Check one, check two, check, check.” DJ Pon3 was warming up the mic for us. It was almost time and I could barely sit still with all the excitement.

“So you’re saying, that pony didn’t look at all familiar,” Twilight said, still going on about my battle mate. She seemed to have it in her head that the pony was some pony we knew. I knew so many ponies but that one I hadn’t met before. If I did I would remember.

“It’s just a new friend, Twilight, don’t worry. Maybe you dreamed I met her and didn’t tell me. Why didn’t you say you found another rapper friend in your dreams? I would love to meet more dream ponies.” I love meeting new friends, even dream friends are still friends.

“No you don’t think she looks alot like Que-“

“Pinkie P, Notorious BUG you ponies are up! Heh heh that rhymed too.” The DJ called my name and I rushed up to the stage to the cheers of adoring fans. Most of them had large timepieces too.

“Good evening Canterlot!” I shouted. The crowd roared. “Are you ready to have some hip hopping fun?”

The crowd exploded in sound and I couldn’t make out what the answer was. I received a pat on the shoulder and saw the DJ holding her hoof out for the mic. I sighed and gave it to her.

“You know you can’t hype yourself beforehand.” The unicorn shook her head then turned to the crowd again. “Ok everypony listen up. We have three combatants for our Blood Moon Brawl and these two are fighting for the right to move on to the next round. Ok, we go by coin toss. Pinkie you’re defending, so call it.”

The silver bit spun in the air. I felt the angle and rotation with my Pinkie sense. I knew exactly what it was going to say. “Tails!”

“Tails it is!” Pon3 said correctly. “First or second.”

“I’ll go first so B U G can see it isn’t so scary.” I saw the way she shook and looked kind of green.

“I’m not scared!” hissed my combatant.

I took a big breath and waited until the beat began. It was a nice funky beat like I like. I moved my hooves and got the rhythm. Then I started.

“I’m Pinkie P! Don’t step to me.
Everypony cheers ‘cause I’m so friendly.
I turn frowns upside down with each part-y
No thuggin’ just huggin’ is the way to be

Everypony knows I’m the element of fun
Once I arrive, and bring out my cannon,
The ponies all dance and sing as one
The party starts when i say it’s begun

If you want to battle you best be quick
I can speak so fast it makes you sick
You’ll get dizzy and fall as I do my schtick
But don’t worry, there is a nurse on shift.”

I put the mic down and hoped she took the comment of sickness as funny. I was just making it light and airy, not something mean. I looked at the crowd hoping my message was conveyed right. They cheered as I finished and I put my hooves up like a fighter.

Then I glanced at my opponent and nearly choked. She didn’t look like a pony having a fun time. She looked like a predator about to pounce. Her eyes were wide and wild, that eerie mane stuck out of her hood like a crazed psycho killer. I began to back up uncertainty.

{hr}

This pony insulted me. I knew it was a battle of insults, yet the gall of this pony to insult a queen. I wanted to eat that stupid grin off her face but I couldn’t risk exposure. Not yet. I would use my rage to fuel my musical comeback. She would rue the day she pointed out my sudden illness.

The crowd was forgotten, only the opponent remained. I could feel the white hatred fill my gut and released my lyrical wrath as the DJ started a different beat. It didn’t phase me as I remembered the line Lemon Hearts told me to use.

“B U G in the house, listen up!’

“This pony’s crazy, she don’t get nothing.
She’s too blind to see who she let buzzing
I’m on the mic now, time to get bugging
No pony wants my wrath. I'm a threat hove-rin’.

I’m new school and you’re played out
I’m cool brewed and you’re straight clown
You’re too screwed you better lay down
I’ll rule your brood and let your ass drown

“You don’t know what it’s like living on scraps
Life isn’t made of sugar it’s binding straps
You better step back you’re under attack
I’m drooling at the mouth and you’re a snack

‘Friends are food where I’m from
My entire crew will eat your chums
Bodies gone we’ll leave you crumbs
Now stop speaking, you're part’s done.”

I dropped the mic on the stage advancing on my helpless victim. She gave no resistance, just stared at me wide eyed and shocked. There was no fight left in her. I drained it out with my words alone. I could feel the power of them flowing inside. None will take me or break me. I was a vessel of steel.

“Ok ok,” the DJ cried over the din of screaming ponies. Their fun time had just gotten real and it amazed them. I glanced at my ‘friends’ and saw a mixture of pride and shock in their eyes. They never guessed how much aggression I truly had.

“Settle down now,” the Mc said again. “It’s time to see who … Won?”

She stopped speaking as an enormous form walked on to the stage. It towered over me like a monolith of doom. What creature was this? Who dared challenge my victory?!

{hr}

My muscles burned and my body quaked as the battle took place. Captain Squeaks tried to find a drink to calm me but I could no longer refrain. My moment had come. This vile pony had made a declaration of war. I began walking towards the stage without conscious knowledge of it.

The DJ was about to declare the winner of the battle but it was obvious who won. I looked at the colors of the “unicorn” that slung such discord. It was obvious it was Queen Chrysalis in disguise. She hadn’t even bothered to change colors. Perhaps it was because she was starving or perhaps she thought we were so stupid we wouldn’t look for her in the city she attempted to ravage. It made little difference. I needed to fight and this creature was a monster I hoped to vanquish through song.

“Lady Luna? You were supposed to wait for my signal,” the unicorn MC said with a sigh.

“I could no longer wait. This battle must commence.” I declared to the insect spawn.

“You’re the Princess. Ok every pony, we have Lady Luna here ready to drop some royal rhymes on us. Give it up.” The crowd cheered in unexpected delight but I held the gaze of the bug in my sight. She knew who I was now and glanced around wildly looking for escape. There was none. I would trap her and expose her in bardic verse.

The strange beat with its shaking bass began and I uttered this lay.

“This battle is commendable but far from done
The bug filly is detestable and sure she’s won.
Let’s give her a spectacle, this will be fun
A small taste of inevitable it’s kingdom come!

Your words are forgettable, your rhyming uncredible, your form is contestable, lyrics uningestable, themes unacceptable, appearance unprofessional, plan is easy-guessable, no threat to celestials, your being is dispensable, fall is unpreventable. My power will dispense-of-you, time to run as you always do, pretend you’re just passing through, better beat hooves I won’t pursue, unless your dream is a statue.

You can’t beat me, defeat me, cheat me, unseat me, delete me, compete with me, mistreat me, or accomplish any feat with me. I’ll destroy you, deploy you, outploy you, annoy you, always foil you, cause you have no follow through. I know what you want to do. Better run now for I bury you!”

My voice hit to the royal level and the speakers squealed with its strain. The Queen stared in confusion and disbelief. I never broke eye contact even when she sneered and grew to her true height. I hoped she would become physical and I could release the blood moon’s might upon her but she didn’t. She flew through the air into the night.

The ponies cheered and I felt the small but true taste of victory once again. I looked at my other combatant and placed a hoof on her shoulder.

“That was fun.” I admitted.

“Uh… oh uh kind of. But I’m glad you enjoyed it at least.” Pinkie P returned to her regular smiling self.

“I can’t believe she tricked us again!” whined two unicorns in the crowd. They looked like Princess Cadence’s former bridesmaids. The moon was growing again and I felt the power of battle leaving me. It was once again time to return to my duties as Princess of dreams.

“Come Captain Squeaks, we must return to the castle, our battle is over.”

“Oh my gosh! Twilight! Did you know that Notorious B U G was really Queen Chrysalis?!” It was horrifying to think I nearly was eaten on stage. It explained all the hateful things she said. And all the insect references.

“I was standing right in front of the stage, Pinkie,” Twilight said in her smarty pants voice. “It was pretty obvious too. I don’t know why she didn’t change herself more. At least a different color scheme.”

“She’s probably all crazy and starving. If she would just ask for help or learn to love like the changelings she won’t have to be so hidey.” The thought of any creature sad and all alone was enough to make my heart hurt. I hoped she found somewhere to belong eventually. “Maybe we can find her and tell her she can continue her rap career if she just love a little more.”

“Uhh you want her to keep rapping? After all that she said about you?” Twilight looked at me confused and bewildered. She never seemed to get it.

“Twily, sweetie, the look on her face said she was really having a good time. It was scary but she’s actually really good. If Luna hadn’t been there I think she would have won. Maybe if she did she would have been so happy that she’d change right there!” The thought of the queen becoming a bright, shining, pastel colored changeling filled me with hope. “Even though she was a little mean doesn’t mean she can’t rap like the rest of us. Maybe I’ll challenge her again one day and she can see how much fun it is to enjoy the audience rather than just hide.”

“You really do see the best in everypony,” sighed the Princess of friendship. “That’s why I love you so much.”

“I love you too.” I gave her a squeaky squeeze. “Now we have to talk to Luna! I want to find out how she can rap so well!”

I landed in the woods nearby, humiliated and more aggravated than ever. The wilderness was dark and creatures growled and snarled in the returned moonlight. I was back in my world. Kill or be killed and woe to them who thought me prey.

But looking around I noticed a distinct lack of … friends. No pony to commiserate with, no pony to try and cheer me up, no pony to encourage me to try again. Just me and my vengeance. Despite their cheerful nature that begged to be sucked dry, perhaps I would keep my ‘friends’ as pets when my next plan succeeds. In the meantime, I had to get stronger and faster. Perhaps the memory of that crowd shall spur me to greater heights.

As I walked back into the mist filled wood, a beat caught my ear. It was the distant footsteps of some large creature. It wasn’t close enough to be a danger but did provide me with a rhythm. Easily thousands of rhyming words came to my head and I rapped my plight out to the owls and creatures of the night. As I did I felt marginally better. Perhaps I could continue as a mental exercise.

Author's Note

I’m not much of a rapper but thought it would be fun to try.