Anon Finds A Gun

by The Royal Equestrian

Rating: teen
Tags: Main 6, Anon, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human, Comedy, Profanity, Random
Length: 1087

Anon finds a gun and he knows just what to use it on.

When Anon finds a gun he knows just what to do with it, much to the frustration of everyone around him.

Cover art by DeadTris Productions

Published 2023-03-17 01:50:00 UTC
Last updated 2023-03-17 01:50:00 UTC

The Power Of Friendship, And This Gun I Found

Anon woke up to a huge explosion outside his house. This wasn't odd, the resident and only human in Equestria lived in Ponyville, and living here he noticed that the ponies who live here tend to get into trouble at least once a week if not more. No, what was really throwing the green skinned human in for a loop was the fact that he could smell burning wood. Deciding he wasn't going to be able to go back to sleep he went outside of his house on the edge of the small town.

Imagine his surprise when he sees a huge fucking centaur fighting a lavender alicorn, which just so happened to be one of your few friends Twilight. You were slightly concerned for her but knew that one way or another she would beat this new abomination. Though looking down you found something you never thought you would see again.

It was a Colt M1911 handgun. Checking if it was loaded you find that no it is not a toy, and yes it did have a fully loaded mag. With this in mind, you know just what to do with it.

You processed to disassemble the dangerous thing and lock it up in a safe place in your house. To make sure no fillies get to it, safety first after all, even though you realize no fillies came over to your house and you aren't taking care of one of your own. Hell, not even the farm mare Applejack or the fashionista unicorn Rarity asked you to look after their kids.

You then walk back outside and watch the fight continue, you swear it's right out of that Japanese cartoon with the screaming main character. Which, come to think of it there were a lot of those. Nonetheless, it was a very thrilling fight up until Twilight seemingly gave up her power to the centaur. Putting your hands on your waist, you give a disappointed look and a shake of your head at the sight. Until they left, only moments after for skittle looking ponies to come back again looking like they had just harnessed the power of the goddamn sun, and proceeded to fucking nuke the centaur with a rainbow beam.

Not long after the fight you come up to talk with Twilight and her friend who proceed to tell you how it all started up until you tell them what you found outside your house.

"Anon, do you mean to tell us that you had something that could have taken out that monster in one hit but chose to bucking, disassemble it and store it away." Twilight said, with a twitching eye.

"Yes I did, I didn't want anyone getting hurt because a weapon was just laying around." You say with an innocent smile which only drove the alicorn into a fury as she began to chase you.

"I'm going to bucking kick your flank!" Twilight shouted, continuing to chase you.

The rest of the main 6 however were looking at the display with a mix of emotions, Rainbow looked like she was about to go after Anon and help Twilight. Applejack looked like she was just ashamed of the human and knew she may have to hold back Rainbow. Rarity looked away not wanting to see any of what this was. Fluttershy looked like she wanted to stop the fighting but either didn't know how, or couldn't bring herself to do so, and Pinkie Pie was too busy summoning another handgun from a portal that she may have created.

You however started to run towards Pinkie as she handed you a new gun this one looked odd but you didn't complain. You stopped and did an about face, raising the revolver into the air.

"Truth is Twilight the game was rigged from the start." You say as you pull the trigger, only for a sign to pop out that said BANG.

Twilight stopped at this in dumbfounded shock at the stupidity of what you did. You were in much the same situation, dropping the Joker rip off of a gun you put your hands in the air in surrender.

"Have mercy!" You say not trying to run anymore. Though that was mostly because you were out of breath, which if you didn't die you would have to change.

Twilight however never left her stupor and just looked at you with a look that screamed are you fucking serious. Either that or she had an aneurysm at the stupidity of the whole situation. You couldn't tell, you were too busy pissing and shitting yourself to know which it was. All you hoped however was that she didn't immediately turn your ass to grass.

"Are… are you a bucking moron Anon?" Twilight eventually let out, giving you that same, what the fuck look.

"Perhaps but could a moron do this?" Before Twilight could reply to that comment you performed one of the tried and true Dale Gribble tactics."POCKET SAND CHA CHA!" Throwing finely ground sand in her face you then proceeded to make a mad dash for it not looking back for if you did you knew that, well, you would be fucked for sure.

If you're being honest however you'd say that today has been great including this moment, mostly because you haven't had a rush like this in ages. All in all, it was a pretty normal day in Ponyville and you wouldn't change a thing about it. Well maybe not being chased by an enraged purple alicorn. But aside from that you would change nothing. Hopefully, however, you would survive long enough to see more days like this.

As much as Twilight hated Anon right now she did like how today turned out, though she could have done without Anon's antics. Though right now she needed help cleaning out the bucking sand that he just threw in her face. Seriously though, who the buck carries sand in their bucking pockets for an unlikely situation like this. After a moment of thinking she sighed to herself because of who would do that.

"Anon would." Twilight said started going back to her new castle to rinse the sand out of her eyes.

Author's Note

Thank you for reading this short story, sorry if it's not all that good with it's humor it's my first time writing a comedy.

I wish you all well and I hope to see you again soon.:twilightsmile: