"Nope," Big Mac said.
One corner of Sugar Belle's mouth gripped a stuffed pony doll by its cloth 'hoof.' "Biggie," she said, "you're a full grown stallion now. You don't need to sleep with a doll. Especially..." She bumped Mac with her own flank, "now that you have ME." She winked.
"Ah'm keeping her."
Sugar Belle sighed. Somehow, she'd married a stallion who insisted on sleeping with a children's toy in his bed every night. But she dropped the doll back into the bed, the bed she and her husband shared.
***
The next night, right after Big Mac got into bed, he looked at his wife and asked, "Where is she?"
Sugar blinked. "Where is who?"
"You know who Ah mean. Where's Smarty Pants?"
Sugar Belle sighed. "Don't you think you should give that doll back to whatever child you took it from? She probably misses it."
Mac shook his head. "No child. Smarty Pants was Twilight Sparkle's. But Ah took that doll from her fair and square. She's mine now."
Sugar made a low noise, deep in her throat. "Don't you feel at least a little bit ashamed?"
"Give her back."
Sugar Belle slid out from under the covers and left the room. Mac heard her hoofsteps walking downstairs. A minute later she returned, and dropped the doll on the bed. "Here. Since it seems you love her more than you love me."
"Not true. Love each of you differently. Ah really do love you as much as Ah love her, Ah swear."
Sugar Belle sighed. Those were NOT the words a newlywed wanted to hear from her husband.
If he'd been speaking about his grandmother, that might be ok. About a daughter, it would be just fine. About a daughter or a colt, a pony shouldn't even need to say it.
But Sugar didn't want to hear those words about some appledarned doll!
***
The next day, while he was weeding a field of carrots and radishes, Big Mac felt sudden chills run down his spine. He didn't know what had just happened, but he feared something was seriously wrong.
He dropped his hoe, and ran towards the farmhouse.
He crashed in through the front door. "Sugar!" he shouted. "Sugar! Are you ok?"
He found her in the parlor, blinking at him. She smiled. "What do you mean, Biggie?" She nuzzled his cheek. "I'm fine. Everything's just fine."
Mac set his jaw. "Ah felt something really terrible, like Ah'd just lost you. Like you'd died, and nopony had told me yet. Do you know what Ah mean, how sometimes a pony can feel a sort of hunch, like a warning?" He shuddered. "That's what happened when my Ma and Pa disappeared. And they didn't ever come back. We only found bits of them, what the timberwolves hadn't destroyed."
Sugar hugged Big Mac. "Everything's ok, Biggie."
"Granny and Apple Bloom aren't here. Do you think something happened to them, in town?"
"No!" Sugar Belle said. "I'm sure they're fine too."
Big Mac sniffed. "Ah smell smoke." He walked into the next room, as Sugar Belle followed.
In a fireplace, even though the day was warm, something burned. Chunks of wood, some crumples and scraps of paper, and...something else.. "No!" he shouted. Big Mac lunged towards the fireplace, but Belle pushed into his way.
She said, "I won't be married to a full grown stallion who sleeps with a children's doll every night! I think you love that doll more than you love me!"
"Not more. Just different." He tried to go around her, but every time he tried to dodge sideways, her own steps mirrored him, blocking his progress.
Since he couldn't get past her, he slowly pressed forward, pushing Sugar back. "Just different!" he said. "Please don't stop me. Please let me rescue her!"
"It's too late!" she said angrily. "You wouldn't choose, between your doll and your wife. So I chose for you. That's what a mare has to do, when her husband refuses to grow up. Contemptible!" She spat.
Big Mac took another step forward. "Just let me try to save her. Let me try."
"No!" She shoved him with one shoulder, but he pushed forward again. She was forced back slowly, step by step, as Mac pressed onwards towards the growing fire.
***
When Granny Smith and Apple Bloom topped the last ridge before home, they saw a changed landscape. Where a few hours ago the family farmhouse had stood, now only smoking rubble met their eyes.
Next to the charred devastation, looking shrunken in with grief, Apple Bloom's big brother huddled, his forelegs wrapped around his body.
Apple Bloom ran downhill towards her brother, as Granny teetered along behind her. When Bloom leapt upon her brother, she asked, "What happened? Is everypony safe?"
Mac shook his head.
Bloom cried out, "Where's Sugar Belle?"
Mac sobbed. "She's gone. Burned up in the fire. Ah wanted to save her...but Ah couldn't. She wouldn't get away from the fire. Ah begged her to move, but she just wouldn't. Ah couldn't save her!" His shoulders shook, and he whispered, "Ah couldn't."
Bloom hugged him tightly. "I'm so sorry. You poor stallion."
"Ah'm sorry too." Tears dripped from his eyes.
Beside the burned out farmhouse, upon the scorched grass and churned up mud, a little stuffed pony doll lay, practically good as new.
Mismatched button eyes faced upwards towards the sky, expressionless.
Smarty Pants showed no joy about her survival, no satisfaction in her victory over a rival.
She was only a doll.
A doll is unlike a pony, a wife or a husband, a colt or a filly.
She can't suffer, can't rejoice, can't shed tears, can't smile or laugh.
She can't do anything at all, not by herself.
But she can inspire feelings in a real pony's heart. Maybe in more than one pony's heart, if she's lucky (or unlucky?)
In one foolish afternoon, not long after Twilight Sparkle first moved to Ponyville, the unicorn cast a single enchantment upon an old doll of hers. Later that same day, the unicorn's teacher dispelled the malign glamour. Surely, not even traces of the spell remained. Right?
But if enough ponies really, truly loved that doll, one after another, down the generations?
Maybe a doll really could last forever.
Author's Note
I guess it's the background music that lets you know "Lesson Zero" is just a cute little story, suitable for children.
But what if that wasn't true?
