Not-so Anonymously

by JBukharin

Rating: mature
Tags: Porn, Sex, Self Insert, Profanity, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Human, Anthro, Main 6, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, My Little Pony Comic, Romance
Length: 6513

Isekai, Dimensional Displacement- I don't care what terms we use! At the moment I am in Pastel Pones town and... Why is everyone calling me ANON?!

In a world where Ponies are Anthro, Anonymous John Bukharin's average insanity is put through duress of living in the wacky world of Anthro Equestria. Nothing new or odd compared to usual... ignoring the fact that Pinkie has gotten in the strange mood to have him known as Anonymous/Nonny. Why? No reason~.

Published 2023-03-21 11:50:00 UTC
Last updated 2023-07-26 04:30:13 UTC

Interventions

Chapter 2: Interventions

I reckon I forgot to mention this tidbit last time- I do have a job.

I worked as a waiter at Café Hay to be more specific. It is not much, but I wasn’t planning to become a millionaire overnight. The major selling point of that workplace was the overall calm compared to other businesses here in town.

I just served stuff around, stopped by to briefly chat with newcomers that were surprised to find the ‘one and only Anon’ or even people that had the decency to not be insane around me.

I will be quite frank here- Lyra being tame when she finally had her many ‘crazy outbursts’ dignified was something of a relief and a surprise. I think it was more of the fact she wanted her point proven right after years of being told by her girlfriend that she was a bit cuckoo.

So… yeah, Sweetie Drops (commonly known as Bon-Bon) was a bit of a grumpy lady whenever I was around- not because she disliked me or anything, but rather because of how Lyra just went rogue with her ‘I told you so’ speech.

Truth be told, Lyra is still deranged. Just not to the point where I was considering filing for a restraining order. I mean, she was a bit silly, but not to the point of me going nuclear on her butt just yet.

The same, however, didn’t extend to the ‘Harmony Clique’ that came to visit at the workplace.

“Hello, welcome to Café Hay, how may I serve you?”

“Anon-”

“John,” I corrected instinctively, feeling no reason to flinch at the deep frown delivered by the one and only student of Celestia, the Element of Magic- Twilight Sparkle.

Many would think I hold some animosity towards Twilight and… I actually don’t. But those tense skirmishes are always driven by her capacity to somewhat trip into misunderstandings.

While we were waiting for any of us to make the next move… one of the group leaned on the counter with some Bits.

“Jobro, can I get two Coffee Protein Bars?” A certain Pegasus asked, and I nodded at her.

“Sure thing, Rainbro.”

Rainbow Dash was Bro. Period. She was a bit of a butch bitch the first two days, then she asked about sports and… I learned how this world doesn’t have football or other sports like that since it was so ‘ancient’ in some aspects of sportsmanship.

So, I taught the girl football and- Bam! Now we have weekly Free Kicks sessions on the weekends. Kind of a way for her to de-stress while doing some exercises at the same time.

“Rainbow dear, I don’t think it’s the right time to ask for something to eat,” A certain posh Unicorn remarked and I nodded in her direction. “It’s been a while, John. I see you’re settling well in Ponyville.”

“Yup, and I am glad to see you are doing well yourself, Rares. How’s Sweetie? I didn’t hear much from her in regard to the bullies’ issue.”

Rarity, the Element of Generosity, allowed a tiny smile on her face. “She’s been happier as of recently. I think you told her to do something to solve this… without being too direct about it.”

I smiled proudly. “A lady should never tell her secrets.”

“But a sister will always be worried, regardless of her younger sibling being a lady or not.”

Fair, fair.

But before this could have gone any further, another voice spoke up.

“Look, Ah’m fine with the lil’ chatting but- Anon, didja make Pinkie cry?”

Applejack was, as one would expect from the Element of Honesty, seeking some truth out of the circumstance itself. Still, this blunt question shed some light on why they were all here and kind of cornering me with their presence there.

And I thought that it was odd how Pinkie Pie had… decided to ‘ghost’ me. I wouldn’t say she had been dodging her usual shit but she had been putting extra effort to hide away from me and use disguises to still keep a tab on me.

Like how she was currently sitting at the far left corner of the Café as I spoke with the rest of the Main 6. Did they even notice her? Because I doubted they did.

“I have not. But I had a bit of a lash out with her.”

“What about in the specific, John?” Rarity asked with a hint of surprise. “I mean, you don’t sound like a brute but-”

“She broke into my house through the tubes of the toilet.”

…

“Ah didn’t know that,” Applejack remarked quietly. “Wait, so when she said she had to pay you money, it was for-”

“To fix that mess. As it usually happens when she decides to take shoots at my house,” I interjected curtly. “It’s a recurring thing.”

The Earth Pony leaned back, silently nodding at that.

“Still, Pinkie is shut in her room and has been skipping work hours for a while.”

I frowned deeply at that. “She is not.”

Twilight huffed. “Anon-”

“John.”

“John,” She replied, more irritated. “She is really hurt of what you told her and-”

“She is not,” Fluttershy muttered quietly, but still loud enough to warrant everyone’s attention.

Now, Fluttershy is special. And I don’t mean big-tiddy kind of special. She was a big softie, but not an outright coward. At times like this, she could still call out some BS at the right time.

Still, she didn’t like the attention that came with the fact that she was matching Pinkie in terms of ‘who has the biggest cup among the Main 6?’ and was thus prone to appear ‘nervous’.

“I-I mean, she’s been sitting there for a while.”

They all turned and saw the girl, still donning the ‘incognito’ disguise she had been using for sometime now which was her with a gray coat, hat and a pair of fake mustaches, waving back at them.

“Pinkie?!”

It took her a moment to be there to apologize for what happened and… I decided to have a talk with her.

“You are mad at me.”

“I am mad at the fact you keep being so frustrating when you are smart enough to catch yourself when you feel you’re going too far with something,” I corrected flatly, giving her a stern look. “Pinkie, I really want to keep you as a friend but you keep on drilling at my patience, expecting me to endure it all like that. I know you care and you helped me know others in town, I will never stop being thankful for you about this but-”

“You need space,” She replied, sucking up a bit. “Sorry.”

“...Just don’t do it again. I can forgive you this once and that’s it.”

A happy smile, then a nod and… she asked me for some chocolate milk with honey. I sighed and provided the order. All in all, it could have been worse.

But I refrained from thinking much of that as to prevent any disaster as the day wasn’t over yet and… I ended up getting an early end to my usual shift. Neat.

What wasn’t neat was going back home, ready to play some games before getting back to business and… finding that someone was focusing really hard on the screen of my tv, playing with my games.

Lying on her belly, with just a black sleeveless shirt on and nothing to cover her lower body, Princess Luna was kicking her legs up while happily playing some Halo 2 levels. Clearly engrossed in the game, she seemed lost in her own world… until I sat beside her and slapped part of her round moonbutt.

She jumped a bit, eyes snapping at me before easing down and… blushing.

“S-Ser Anon.”

“It’s John, Lulu. And you still owe me that Xbox and Halo 3 game you ‘borrowed’ from me.”

“...Sorry.”

“You can’t even muster the right emotion for that, you friggin’ idiot,” I remarked softly, “So, what’s with the no-panties rule?”

“Never been a panties-wearer,” She replied distractedly, shifting her attention back to the screen as she admitted this as if it was nothing. “Tia says that it is unbecoming, but it would be unbecoming first to try and look under a lady’s skirt.”

I nodded in agreement. “So, this is not you just trying to bribe that case of theft with your lovely behind.”

Luna… paused the game, and gave me a very long look.

“Really? Do you really think we would do something like that?” She inquired curiously, sounding far from offended.

I tilted my head at that and… she huffed.

“Maybe. Is it working?”

“I will spank you first to test it out.”

Her ass clenched. “S-Spanking? Why would you do that?”

“Well, I am talking with a naughty filly, after all,” I hummed, while resting my palm on her nearest cheek, eliciting a shudder from the Princess as she dropped her joypad for a moment. “So, what will it be?”

“...” She looked surprised, flustered and… quite hopeful. “Spa- Not Spanking!”

I smirked a bit at that and… proceeded to lie beside her.

“Okay.”

…

“Y-You’re going to stop at that?”

“Yep.”

“Y-You… But you made us so- no! You know what, fine.”

I sighed, noticing the butthurt look. “Lulu, I am just teasing you. I will bang you if you want.”

…

“Really?” She asked quietly. “We-We are just asking but… why?”

“Why not?”

“Tia is-”

“Tia is not here and I am talking with Lulu.”

…

“John?”

“Yes, Lulu?”

“...You are a fiend.”

“And you are a degenerate, Lulu. Face it.”

She cracked a tiny grin, then we both spent the rest of the time together chatting about the game and I got a promise to get both console and Halo 3 back next time she visited.

Peace was soon back in Johnland… but that was before the Cutie Mark Crusaders’ nation ‘attacked’.

Author's Note

AN

Next time, some super-fluff.

References:
Twilight (Artist: Mrscurlystyles)
Rainbow Dash (Artist: Ambris)
Rarity (Artist: Evehly)
Applejack (Artist: Dandy)
Fluttershy (Artist: CheezayBallz)
Gamer Luna ft. Moonbutt (Artist: somescrub)

With that being said, please support these artists so that they can continue providing us with these amazing artworks!

Safe n' Crazy

Chapter 3: Safe n' Crazy

“So… I suppose we can all accept that-”

“You were right, yes!” A frustrated young girl of the tomboy kind whined loudly, interrupting me as she was immensely embarrassed by what I had seen and ruled out from the very beginning as a disastrous effort.

I mean, trying to get a ‘rocket cart’ by mounting fireworks by the wooden tires sure sounded like a dumb idea, but I could see how the girls saw it as feasible considering that Pinkie had once pulled that one off without causing… this:

A cart that one of the girls found ‘dying’ by the barn and using it for one last ride. Sadly, said ride was a fiery descent to hell as the fireworks had turned it into a small-scaled inferno that had luckily stuck to one spot once one or two of the tires had detonated due to the fireworks.

Before anyone tries to insinuate anything, I did find the sight quite horrifying. But since I was chatting calmly while putting the cart out of misery with a water pump connected to my personal supply.

There was no harm done with this, but I could see the girls responsible for this looking quite beaten up by this failure. The Cutie Mark Crusaders were a common fixture of Ponyville and MLP in general.

The three ‘little sisters’ to the ‘Main Characters’ were known troublemakers but they all acted for a rather innocent reason: to get their Cutie Marks and not be bullied as ‘Blank Flanks’ from their frequent bully, which was Filthy Rich’s daughter.

First was Apple Bloom. The humble kid was adorable and quite honest to the core, quite reminiscent of her big sister Applejack- she was by far the middle point for the two other personalities within the group and she had quite the cute Southern Accent to her.

The most innocent was, by far, Sweetie Belle. Rarity’s little sister had inherited a fraction of the Element of Generosity’s renown sense of formality. She was quite polite, but still had that childish wonder that was fitting for someone her age. Out of the three, she was also the one that was most responsible and the one that called me to get this mess dealt with as fast as this unfolded.

Lastly, but not the least promising at all, was Scootaloo. The girl was a Rainbro’s fangirl and wanted to mimic the fast Pegasus within most of her behaviors. She was still her own pony, but also someone that loved her idol with pure admiration.

“So… what is our punishment?” Bloom asked with some unease and I frowned at it.

“Punishment?”

“Well, you usually give us punishments like fixing the aftermath like the others do and-” Sweetie started to elaborate, but I interrupted before she was done with this.

“But this isn’t the usual case,” I pointed out, my response catching the trio off-guard. “I mean… the fireworks were bought by Scoots, the cart was not meant to be used against as the wood was not good to be used to carry large loads if repaired from what your sister told you, Bloom, and you asked for the space in front of my house because it was not my property. So… it’s a bit of an awkward spot in the grass but it’s not exactly something that demands a punishment- the damage was onto your items so… that’s already punishment.”

…

…

“Hafta say, s’not something ah thought much about.”

“Th-That’s because this is the first time we did something like this without damaging other properties,” Scootaloo caught up to my logic, and then grimaced. “But it’s still a bummer for failing.”

Sweetie hummed. “Yeah but… at least we are free from being put through detention.”

The other two nodded in agreement and-

“It’s still a loss. One you should learn from despite not having to ‘make amend’ to someone or something- just because you don’t get punished that doesn’t mean you do not learn from mistakes. After all, you don’t get punished for failing a small exercise in your homework, yet you all work hard to fix it.”

The trio looked pleased to hear this and smiled a bit about it.

“Next time…” Bloom started to say.

“We shall make it a flying rocket with firecrackers!” Scoots announced, causing me and Sweetie to shake heads at the idea, but where my reaction was one of light-disappointment, to her it was a case of amusement.

“Well, my lil’ pyromaniacs, I got the cookies ready at this point so, if you get your hands and faces washed up you can… and they are gone.”

They were so close to leaving smoke silhouettes with that sort of rush towards the house, the trio blurring back indoors and bolting to the bathroom to get ready for a nice snack or two. I hummed in relief at the fact they had gotten ‘better’ in handling their ‘search for their Marks’.

The entire situation was morbidly hilarious and downright silly if one was to take into account how Cutie Marks work- no one gets to pick what they want to do, they just feel it. And, in a sense, this reminded me how some kids really wanted to reach adulthood as fast as possible to be ‘cool’.

In the case of the trio, it was a matter of a bully or two that really have been missing parental guidance for how they behaved. Likewise, the girls were too unprepared to handle that sort of interaction and tended to be goaded around by these troublesome rich pests.

So, they tended to really get ‘influenced’ on trying to get the ‘best Cutie Marks possible’ out of a principle to show off their own bullies with them. Was it the right way to do this? No. Did I condemn this behavior altogether? Not exactly.

I found their interest to pursue new stuff commendable, but I made sure that they didn’t try to make it too bad on themselves and others. It took a few visits and stays at my home to get them to ultimately pick up a proper pattern on how to judge if an idea is too destructive and thus required extra caution and adult supervision or if something was downright too silly to even try.

I wasn’t there to kick them down, but I wanted them to slowly build a conscious understanding of what was best to try and what not. And it was working. I could even tell that by the way their sisters/sister figure tended to drop them at my doorsteps for further babysitting.

The girls would get some help with homework and other school-related stuff when their families were busy helping them themselves so… I was there to provide as much assistance as a rather cheap price. I didn’t need money, but it was still a job so I set the tariff down to ten Bits per hour.

This very visit was a rather tranquil one as the girls didn’t have much school stuff to ‘endure’ and they were free to play around the house or by its proximity for as long as they were meant to stay there. I had snacks and water bottles ready if they needed a break so… yeah, this was quite chill.

They left without causing me any stress beyond ‘demanding’ headpats for behaving ‘well’. Their sisters were deeply amused by this but no comments were raised as the trio left satisfied and ready to go back to their respective homes.

That should have been the end of the day for me but-

“I need your help!”

I sighed, my attempt to achieve a dreamless night ruined by a certain Moonbutt that manifested in a dreamscape version of my bed where I was resting- right over my body at that.

“Important duties or booty call?” I asked with a serious tone, causing the Princess to blush a storm.

“Boo-I mean, Important duties!” Luna stammered a bit, shaking herself off from the unease to deliver the announcement. “Nightmare Night is upon us and I wanted to know if… you know…”

I blinked, guessing roughly what she was up to. “You want me to be your guide so you don’t look like an inept pony around your subjects and… don’t give the impression you are Nightmare Moon in disguise, right?”

“I…” She looked a bit irked at the ‘inept’ comment, but she shrugged it off for a nod. “Yes.”

“Hm, is this also a request for a date, Princess Woona?”

She burned red at that nickname, causing her to facepalm. “I-I should have told Tia to not bring that up to you.”

“Why not? Older siblings need to cooperate at times to tease lil’ siblings~.”

Luna pouted immensely and adorably. “N-No, you don’t need to and I refuse to be- be teased by the likes of you both!”

Chuckling at her rebuttal, I noticed how close she had gotten and… I gave her a hug. The princess didn’t tense up, merely leaning closer as she rested her chin on my shoulder and-

“By the way, are you done working around the dreamscape or-”

“I am… close to finishing the shift.”

“...How about a deal?” I offered with a bit of a smug smile, releasing her much to her upset pout. “You handle that, and tell Tia you are spending the night here, and you get to spend the whole day here tomorrow without any disturbance?”

Luna perked in surprise at this and then blinked. “You don’t mind if I stay the… the whole day?”

She looked confused, frowning suspiciously over the ‘sweet offer’.

“Well, tomorrow is my free day at work and I don’t have much to do, so I can house a Moonbutt for that whole day if she so wishes.”

She beamed at this and- “Deal!”

It didn’t even take ten minutes that Luna was done with her shift and had dropped her lovely behind on the bed, happily welcomed by a big hug leading to some gentle cuddling.

While I envisioned a fun day tomorrow with Luna around, I was more intrigued by how to plan out Luna’s first Nightmare Night experience…

Author's Note

AN

Give thy cuddles to the Moon(butt) Princess!

Reference for the Anthro CMC by: aj2020ahgd

P.S. Wanted to upload this chapter earlier, but for some reason the 'Show Mature' feature is perma-off and some options to post chapters are deactivated in my PC's Browser. I had to use phone to get it up and... yeah, hopefully I find a fix to this.

A Night to Remember

Chapter 4: A Night to Remember

Nightmare Night. I never once thought that a 'crisis' about its meaning would be kickstarted by an exchange between Twilight and Mayor Mare.

The former wanted for the Mayor to do a speech before Nightmare Night, the latter didn't. I decided, respectfully so, to not give much of a crap about this conflict. I mean, Twi had all the right intentions but trying to take the fight into the institutions when the Mayor had all reasons to be stubborn on the status quo without a push from a certain princess.

Speaking of Luna, she had been quite secretive over her costume. From my understanding, Luna was not going to employ a traditional mindset about the holiday. I explained to her that usually Nightmare Night was all about ponies just out there enjoying the fright, so they weren't exactly out to 'humiliate her and demonize her as Nightmare Moon' but they may be prone to think of her as still NM due to the expectation of terror and the fact Celestia hadn't done enough to explain her return to the denizens of Ponyville.

The only thing I knew about her expected visit was that she was not going as Nightmare Moon.

I am well aware of Our Subjects' caution-driven fear of that figure, so I will not try to 'normalize' it just yet.

And yet she refused to tell me what costume she had in mind to go with. Admittedly, that had me a bit curious as I really wasn't sure what kind of costume Luna could pick. If that had been a question from before she was overwhelmed by games, I would have said some obscure historical figures with a degree of terrifying reputations to make them 'fitting' for the holiday's theme.

Now, that may not be the case at all. Luna was now more aware of what other ponies liked and were familiar with, so it was now a matter of her knowing the limits of how much skin can be shown and how much should be covered. And I was rather nervous about it considering that it could backfire horribly if she picked something too skimpy for the common pony's taste.

Turns out that her decision was just the perfect middle point. Then again, the choice wasn't exactly a known character but one from a game that I introduced her during a 'dream-talk'.

Hsien Ko from Darkstalkers was definitely an unexpected pick, but the general theme was fitting and it wasn't threatening. In fact, I would say her costume confused Ponies. Instead of the scary Nightmare Moon, they got Princess Luna wearing a spooky costume of the silly kind.

She did some posing and gesturing as if mimicking a zombie, but it was the kind of 'silliness' that disarmed the worries of the crowd with ease. Hell, kids were soon flocking at her side to ask more about her costume. After she was done giving a speech about 'correcting past mistakes' and 'making sure that she is seen for who she really is', Luna decided to spent most of the night with me.

Sure, Twilight and Co. tagged along with what I could only assume being their attempts to 'help' Luna. But overall, the princess had been prepared enough to be able to play some of the games right. She even made friends with a little boy called Pipsqueak through the night. But as the celebrations were done around midnight, Luna had asked me to spend the night at my house as she had taken efforts to have Celestia help with the dream duty for the night as she helped with the day duty for the occasion.

I used this opportunity to ask a few awkward questions, specifically about-

"So, how did you get bigger?" After all, I could clearly remember her blue fur not being that dark of a shade, or her mane being ethereal looking.

"Oh, I had a serious conversation with Tia and we... we made more steps forward in mending what was broken of our bonds. I think my magic reacted to it... do you like it?"

"You look hotter," I bluntly remarked, causing her to blush. "I mean, not only you look more mature, but your frame has filled up just nicely."

She raised an intrigued frown. "You didn't like my curves before now?"

"Heh, I just said those were improved, not that they are 'only now' good," I argued, reaching out to pinch at her 'upper' cheeks. "You were gorgeously cute in that other form."

A tiny pout appeared on her face and soon we arrived to our destination. It was just the two of us, with the house quiet as the soft darkness of the night had shrouded it to some extent. Yawning, I took the lead as I went to my bedroom... with Luna following closely as she suddenly made her presence known by bolting for the bed once in sight and dive-bombing for it. She bounced a bit, smiling as she removed her hat. Her posture was telling of what she was up to.

"Hm, is this a request for something intimate, princess?"

Her lips twitches. "Lord Anon, you should know better than to assume a princess' interest but... yes. I want to take on that offer you gave me a while ago as I have taken precautions for... some intense coitus."

"So, you want to get pounded silly?"

Embarrassment made her stiff. "Y-Yes, but there's no need to-"

"You want to get her moonbutt drilled into a messy thing?"

The pout was back. "J-John!"

"Can't blame a guy for trying to get a preview of how cute you are going to get once you get flustered."

Removing more pieces of her clothes as I started to undress myself, Luna was soon shifting at the edge of the bed, ass aimed at me as her delicious moon buns were swaying left and right in an enticing manner. Looking over her shoulder, a tiny blush was burning on her cheeks and she showed how she was biting her lower lip in preparation.

"Your princess requires service."

Luna shuddered a bit as she felt my cock slap softly by her left cheek, and then as I leaned down to her back and close to the back of her head, I lined up my length and slowly penetrated her. The alicorn sighed in bliss once I was fully sheathed inside her, staring forward while my hands started to tease her now big breasts.

"So, princess, are you ready for a night of no sleep~?"

"O-Only if you can give me that, of course."

Challenge accepted.

The pace was slow at first so I could give her the chance to acclimatize with this first time of sex after her exile. It took me less than a minute to draw moans out of her, the princess clearly 'rusty' but quite able to feel pleasure through the soft thrusting.

Of course, the pace eventually picked up, with the alicorn's lewd noises growing in intensity.

PLAP~! PLAP~! PLAP~! PLAP~!

"D-Don't stop~!" Luna breathed eagerly. "This- hm~ this is so good~!"

Hearing this, I slowly retreated from her tits and took hold of her butt before starting to thrust even harder and faster. She was grasping at the mattress, moaning sluttily as I pounded her hungry cunt until it was time to give it a nice filling of cock-milk.

One last powerful thrust was all Luna needed to orgasm for the third time, while I ended up cumming deep inside her. She went stiff, then shivered and softly collapsed on the mattress. We cuddled up a bit to charge up, with Luna smiling eye-to-eye with this first round.

"I-It was amazing."

"Well, only the best for the best princess."

My words further delighted her. "Well, I suppose we should take a proper rest now and-"

"Hold on, did you forget what I said? No sleep tonight. We are going for Round 2."

...

"R-Round 2? Y-You are not tired yet?"

I frowned. "Nope."

"Y-You can go for- for more than a time?"

I slowly nodded. "Yeah-"

"Th-That means a lot. Many stallions can't do that."

...

That actually surprised me. Was that really a thing? I knew I was 'smaller' than most pony dudes, but I had a stamina advantage on them?

"Really?"

Luna nodded. "Yes, and... how long can you last?"

"Well, I can't say for certain but we have a way to test it out?"

Revitalized by the claim and offer, Luna earnestly shifted over me, straddling herself to my lap as she proceeded to impale herself and ride me for another hour or so. Round 2 then went to 3, then to 5 and finally to 7.

It was early morning when we decided to fall asleep. There was a day off given to workers after Nightmare Night to allow them to rest from any heavy partying. Luna and I definitely partied hard that night, and as we happily cuddled in bed, basking in the after sex glow.

Quite unaware that a certain pink pony had taken notice of Luna spending the night there and that... a certain princess on dream duty had picked up anomalies around me and her sister.

Author's Note

AN

John & Spike go and meet some dragons. One in particular makes an early appearance than she is supposed to. Headpats and crushes are inbound!

Reference for Luna's Hsien-Ko Cosplay by: Kevinsano.

Of Movies and Tubes

Chapter 1: Of Movies and Tubes

Today was a good day to watch a movie.

I had my snacks in the form of a bowl filled with popcorn, some soda bottles as a beverage and the many DVDs I still had of the last few movies I bought a long while ago.

I was sold, hooked, smitten to the wonderful thing that was my Smart TV as it didn’t need to be connected to anything to work as an offline thing for me to employ in a world where there was no wi-fi, no internet, not Netflix, no fucking Chill! in terms of actually being spared from any disturbance but… today was a good day.

I had been taking precautions such as barricading my lovely home’s windows, installing two doors for each entrance and making sure the ventilation system was too tight for a certain pink troublemaker to bust my fun bubble.

I was happy alone, I was going to be happy in my home, away from the land of pastels I had been hurled through an abnormal hurricane together with my lovely cottage.

Now, nothing odd as this place was built with love, dedication and a degree of self-sufficiency that made it a tough thing to go down. What wasn’t as resilient, as I learned shortly after that experience, was the world I once called home as I was now no longer there.

My house survived, but my sanity wasn’t meant to last long as I happened to find myself in the world of pastel… ponies. Not the legit animals tho, not when they were walking around bipedally and quite curvaceously. Well, the ladies, not the ‘Stallions’.

Yes, I am in My Little Pony but clearly not meant for kids.

I am an anomaly as a standard human in this sort of place, one that had the chance to meet the ‘only’ sovereign and then the other one through some interesting developments I will not mention right now.

Not when Luna decided to entrench in her room back in Canterlot with my copy of Halo 3 and my Xbox for her to binge-play until ‘full completion’. She is not a gamer, she is a degenerate for stealing my teenage years’ most precious treasure.

Still! Today is not a day for bad moods as I had planned to watch all available John Wick to enjoy my free day away from trouble and other messed up shit that Ponyville was known to be up to at this point.

I started John Wick, I got to my couch, munched on my popcorn and- I felt a disturbance in the force. Or rather a pink-furred hand reaching from behind and right into… my popcorn! I slapped without hesitation, a feminine yelp and I groaned before turning to look at-

“Ponk, what are you doing here?”

Pinkie Pie, Element of Laughter, was smiling eye-to-eye while still holding her ‘hurt’ palm.

“Hey Nonny, just visiting to drop some cookies.”

“And stealing my popcorn,” I added and she shrugged. “No, but really what do you want?”

“I just wanted to drop some cookies, that’s what I just said-”

“Swear it, or tell the truth,” I interrupted, giving her a rather flat look. I had dealt with this shit for very little, but long enough to know this was no general situation. “Also, I am quite sure you didn’t break through the windows or the doors- where the hell did you come from?”

“The tubes!”

…

…

I stood up from my chair, still holding my bowl of popcorn close so as to not let the party demon get any of those and… I paused in my steps right as I made it to the hallway, finding a trail of water trickling through under the bathroom’s door.

I am a man of science and rationale, but I was also someone that knew Pinkie had the power to bullshit logic in ways that made me contemplate her potential correlation to Discord. Still, the fact she emerged from tubes where water usually comes through without being anywhere wet despite having such a wild mane of hair to deal with well… holy fuck, my brain hurts!

I didn’t even go to check what the hell happened, well-aware of the imminent disappointment and knowing my brain was not ready for this. I just silently made my way to the now-blocked garage area and turned the water valve off so I could get someone to fix the problem without wasting too much water.

I didn’t joke about the self-reliant nature of this house, having installed an independent water pump that connected to a stray water stream coming from the Everfree Forest and added all that was needed to make it workable for the house’s needs.

Once that was done, I walked up to the living room and I saw Pinkie already watching the movie and looking focused on it. I grabbed the remote nearby and put it to pause, snatching her attention back to me.

“O-Oh, Nonny. Interesting story.”

“Like the one where you have to pay me for damages again?”

She slumped a bit. “But I need this money.”

“For what? You don’t exactly spend them for much.”

“Cakes,” Ponk replied swiftly. “The ingredients, tools, and other things about it.”

“Then if you want to keep that livelihood going you should stop doing that to me. You know, ruining it.”

“...Sorry.”

“No,” I said, while closing my eyes as I was really angry at this point. “Sorry is not a word you use because you want to feel better after doing something bad- it’s meant to be ‘I am sorry and I will not do something like this ever again’. Yet, as far as I can tell, and it’s futile lying at this point, this keeps happening over and over again- You even keep on calling me ‘Anon’ to the point others ignore my real name. I am John Bukharin, not ‘Anon’, not ‘Anonymous’, and definitely not ‘Nonny’! No, I am not accepting an apology. Go back to Sugarcube Corner, do your stuff, leave me alone and I will contemplate talking with you in a week. If! If I have the mental strength to just ignore the damage you keep on delivering on my humble abode!”

She looked… flat. Not even in her Pinkamena mode, but more of a Pinkie but ‘flat’ in face. It was almost sad- almost as I really was too furious to give a flying fuck of the sad face she had. She warranted it, she warranted the reaction, the rant and now the proper butt-kicking out of my humble abode.

“Oh.”

She stood up from my chair and I walked her to the door. She stepped outside, turned around to say something but I shut the door on her face right before she could have said or done anything.

I went back to my couch, gave a passing glance to the cookies she brought and I retrieved my new ‘scroll-sender’. Kind of what Spike does with Twilight, but limited in range to only those in town.

“Need assessment on broken pipes and on potentially shattered toilet. Pinkie did it again.”

Added the signature and then sent it to the ‘fixing business’ that opened up after Pinkie started to get as destructive as she was now. It was helpful for the economy, but it was an utter outrage it now lived through my money too.

I sighed once I was done and went back to the movies. I had much to catch up to but… at least I was finished with the dreadful chance of facing Pinkie again for today and I went back to my movie.

I just knew tomorrow was not going to be a simple day as the rest of the ‘Mane Six’ may have something to say to me- and I something to them.

Author's Note

AN

The pink one is trouble! But boy, the next chapter will highlight a few things to make her ‘acceptable’ despite the bad rep she got from her recent actions. That and the fact that more is known about John’s presence in Equestria. He is no Anon, but he has connection to the very high echelon of power and… being the official babysitter to the Cutie Mark Crusaders. And yes, that’s an arduous task.

Second chapter is available in the Patreon, but should be available by March 28th. If you like to see more, consider supporting me through it. It's not mandatory, but it helps. Still, I hope to keep this one up and running without smacking in the writer's block again.

Reference Pic for Pinkie Pie (Artist: 3Mangos/Chromapan)