The Butterfly Affair

by axxuy

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Random, Breezies, Princess Luna
Length: 1374

Princess Luna is not a fan of diplomacy; it always seems to end with her getting kidnapped. But surely a visit to the Breezie realm will be safe. They're Breezies, what could they possibly do?

Princess Luna is not a fan of diplomacy; it always seems to end with her getting kidnapped. But surely a visit to the Breezie realm will be safe. They're Breezies, what could they possibly do?

Written for the Iron Author contest at Everfree Northwest 2022.

Reading by Pony&Wolf Productions.

Published 2023-03-23 15:40:00 UTC
Last updated 2023-03-23 15:40:00 UTC

Chapter 1

Luna did not like diplomacy. To be more accurate, she did not like being a diplomat. Talking and working things out with the other nations was something she was quite happy with, as long as somepony else did it. Whenever she did, she somehow ended up getting kidnapped. It was quite frustrating, really. You know the fairy tales about knights rescuing Princesses from dragons? Those were inspired by her. She had been sealed in the sacred Labyrinth of the Minotaurs (not so hard for her to find her way through. It helped tremendously that all the passages stayed where they were unlike the dream labyrinths she was used to). A diner in a griffon restaurant had once decided he didn't want to pay for his meal, leapt on her table, and held her hostage for the price of the bill. To be fair, it was rather overpriced.

But this was by far the tiniest kidnapping she had ever experienced. They're Breezies, Celestia said. They're too small to do anything, she said. The swarm of black-masked Breezies that were escorting her through the forest had not gotten the message.

Why did these things always happen to her? Celestia had never been ponynapped while she was visiting someplace. Not even Luna's own bat ponies had laid a hoof on her in the wake of her banishment. She was glad about that, actually, but the point still stood.

The whole thing did make Luna feel justified in raising an eyebrow at the prospect of an escort of Breezie guards. They'd hardly lasted a few seconds when the ambush came, and that was all of three paces past the portal. She did hope they were okay. Somebreezie needed to get word to the Queen Breezie she was supposed to meet.

As to the Draconequus in the room, yes she could swat them all down with her bare hooves, let alone her magic. But that would only make relations worse. There was nothing to do but wait for the Breezies to sort things out among themselves. Not being able to do anything about it her self was always the frustrating part. Bah, diplomacy. She was sick of it.

The Breezies yelled and brandished the twigs that served them as spears. Luna pressed on, following their lead deeper and deeper into the Great Breezie Forest. It was a lovely place, really. The trees gave a pleasantly cool shade. And there were all kinds of beautiful flowers she had never seen before. If she ever did make it to her meeting, she would have to see about importing some of them.

The forest came to an abrupt stop. A semi-circular clearing a little wider than her wingspan opened in front of a cliff. She beheld a temple in miniature. Tiny steps ascended to the height of her barrel to meet an opening in the cliff face. The entire ediface was ornately carved with figures of Breezies and elaborate runes. The Breezies began to chant.

Finally something interesting was happening.

But also something dangerous. Dark magic was one thing whose power did not depend on size. She sighed a deep and weary internal sigh as she prepared to protect her kidnappers from whatever trouble they were about to get themselves into.

Fortunately for them, all that happened was that three more Breezies, also in adorable tiny black masks, issued from the cave. They conferred with the group that had taken her. Luna could not tell what they were saying, but they were excited.

"You. Will. Pay!" one of the newcomers sneered in halting Ponish when he had heard the report. He flittered up above her head. "Bring her Judge!"

His two companions went back into the cave. Everybreezie else buzzed excitedly.

Luna was back to being bored. She had seen all this before and, frankly, wasn't impressed. There was hardly even any dark magic. What she still couldn't figure out was just what in Tartarus was going on. Her impatience grew steadily. Somebreezie needed to explain it to her or doom and dark magic might really come. Oh she really was not cut out for this job.

With as much pomp and circumstance as they could muster, the Breezies brought something out of the cave. She thought it was a statue at first. What they carried was still as stone, and as old. But there was some tiny breath in it. He also spoke Ponish, thankfully, and quite a bit better than his compatriot. "I am the Wise Breezie. You have insulted us. This cannot be allowed."

Luna thought thought that surely the Queen of her diplomat would have told her if she'd insulted them so badly, so she did not know what he was referring to. But at least she was getting somewhere. "And you have insulted Equestria by seizing Us like this. Explain yourselves."

One of the breezies growled and hurled his spear at her. It caught and dangled in her mane. "Control yourself, fool" the Wise Breezie said. Be assured she shall pay the price. He may not have been on her side, but at least he had some sense. Probably.

"Do not pretend not to know. We have heard your speeches. You think us mere butterflies." He spat the last word. Most of the others spat on hearing it too.

Luna had indeed compared them to butterflies in her announcement that she would be visiting them. She thought it was rather obvious why.

She took a deep breath. She was going to be patient here. Be like Celestia. Ignore the thought that they certainly would not have kidnapped Celestia for giving the exact same speech.
Luna focused on being patient. Be like Celestia, she thought. She would simply, calmly explain herself. Allow herself blame for the misunderstanding, "I did not mean that you are butterflies. I only wanted a comparison to say what you are like to my subjects."

"We won't be compared to that filth!"

Luna thought butterflies were lovely. Granted she dealt with moths more often, but the point stood. She would have to ask the Queen about the topic. But for the moment she hoped to still talk her way out. "I apologize then. You are clearly not at all like butterflies." She bowed her head. Butterflies would never ponynap her was the biggest difference she could think of, but they did not need to know that.

"Beg, yes. It will not save you. If Equestria wants its Princess back, all my Breezies will have their weight in gold. I have spoken."

"That is a high price, but Equestria shall pay." She should not have simply given in to the demand, she knew this. But Celestia was always going on about magnanimity, and besides she was badly late for her meeting now. She would simply have to deal with the consequences later. She conjured a gold bit from the Royal Treasury. She brandished it before them, and let her magic shave a ribbon of metal off the edge. It looked unchanged by the end.

The Breezies roared and cheered as loudly as their tiny voices could. The young Breezies danced in a circle around the ribbon of gold as the Wise one looked on.

Luna cleared her throat. "I have paid your ransom. Now fulfill thy bargain and take me back to the Queen." It was tempting to simply walk off by herself, but Luna was a Princess: she deserved an escort. Even if it was Breezies like these.

She was pleased that they only made it halfway back before meeting a group of the Queen's guards. And this group was ready. Luna was even more pleased to watch how quickly her original escort found themselves in chains. The leader bowed before her and carried on taking everycreature back to the castle. A Princess could get used to this; Luna hummed a little tune.

At long last she made it to her actual appointment. A place had been prepared for her on a hill outside the Breezie realm's palace. The Queen came out and greeted her, deeply apologetic. It was a nice change from leaders like her being responsible for the kidnapping. Enough so that Luna almost considered coming back sometime. Almost.