It was another stereotypically beautiful day in the amazing and, above all things, lovely world of Equestria. Obviously it would go without saying that hardly any of the weather seemed to have any noticeable changes to the naked eye, and the air temperature was honestly nice and fluffy for the ponies' fur, or at least that was what Pipp would like to think since the humidity of the atmosphere at such a high altitude was more than annoying to his gorgeous mane.
Because yes, they weren't in Maretime Bay, Briddelwood or even Zephyrs Hights. Sunny, Pipp, Izzy, Hitch, Sprout, Misty and Zipp were all flying the skies in the MareStream, (I can't remember exactly what that plane or whatever that thing is called as, I haven't seen it enough on screen).
The thing is that the autopilot was activated so our beloved group of ponies were all resting in the main room of the plane, (I'm going to say it has a main room because I imagine it much bigger inside, something like a house).
All the ponies were lying on those soft cushions where each of the aforementioned cushions had the color of their respective owners, carriers, call it what you will, the point is to imagine it as you read.
It was around 8:00 AM so the sun reflected through the night dew drops a small rainbow to the living room, giving it a good vibe, how? I don't know, I'm just here to describe this crap story.
"What did you bring us here for Hitch?" - Sunny asked watching the stallion as he finished drinking his delicious milkshake made with Opaline tears in a battle that happened last month but I don't feel like describing because I'm too sleepy and back home it's exactly 1:20 AM in the morning and my eyelashes are burning as I write this.
"I'm here to read something called "The Laws of Fandom." A book given to me by a random male Alicorn out of the blue" - Said Hitch as he mysteriously pulled out of his saddlebags a huge binder, (oddly larger than his backpack), that read Top Secret.
"And what's that supposed to be?" - Zipp asked, trying to get closer to the stallion to see if she could see a piece of the documents, even if it was just an edge.
"This represents us. At least that's what the Alicorn said, he said if we wanted to keep recording episodes we had to satisfy as many Fans as possible. I guess these files have the answers" -Magically the files Hitch had between his hooves transformed into a book, how? I told you before not to ask me, it's the magic of the script.
"Ohhh, ohhhh, that means we're a series, right? Well that sounds like fun, what does that say about us?" - Izzy asked pointing with a smile at the mystery book.
"Well, I guess we'll find out, at least you guys" - Giving a sigh, Hitch without delay opened the first page which, oddly enough, had a picture of himself posing with a smile - "Hitch Trailblazer is a sheriff.... blablablabla... born in blablabla... lives in blablablabla... his parents... blablablabla... HERE!" - Hitch stopped skimming when he finally found important information about what his purpose in life was.
The stallion cleared his throat and began to read, again.
"Given the inclusivity of such a male character as Hitch Trailblazer in My Little Pony Generation 5 having the role of one of the main protagonists, the Fans themselves have been given the task of pairing him with absolutely any member of the aforementioned group of protagonists. They are including Sprout and Misty outside this category" - Hitch finished reading the short paragraph to then throw an expressionless look at his friends who, being totally opposite to him, looked at him in astonishment.
"What is that supposed to mean?" - Broke the silence Sprout spoke in a louder tone of voice but stopped short of shouting.
"I've read this before, so I'm prepared" -The stallion sighed - "In short, I'm hot and that's why I'm automatically paired with some of you, effectively, also including you, Sprout."
"But that doesn't make any sense - NOTHING MAKES SENSE!" - Sprout shouted.
"XD" -wrote Izzy.
"It doesn't have to make sense, that's what the Fans asked for and that's how it's going to be done. I'm going to have to get more exercise" - Hitch turned his eyes back to the book and continued to the next page - "However, even the Fans themselves fight over which couple is better. So a war happened between the Bronys who watched G5 because they missed G4 so much and had nothing else to do. Well, the most famous Hitch Trailblazer couple with the most fanarts is Zipp, this has been given a name. From now on when they are together they will be called StormBlazer" - Said Hitch looking away and waiting for Zipp's obvious reaction.
"Partner? But I don't even know you well enough and the only thing we share in common is that we both serve the law" -Mentioned the pegasus with a slight blush to which Hitch when he noticed this started to skim through his book.
"You broke a rule Zipp, no G5 character is supposed to have blushed yet so there is no proof that they can, so by law you are doomed to have five clop fanarts made of you. I'm so sorry" - Hitch showed Zipp precisely the page showing his punishment.
"Clop, what's that supposed to be?" - Zipp asked back to which Hitch continued.
"I'll explain later, it's the same as NSFW."-Again he started looking at the book by the chapter where he had left off - "The other famous Hitch Trailblazer couples are Pipp Petals, Sunny Starcount, Izzy Moonbow."
Misty lifted her hoof gently to which Hitch turned his attention away from his book.
"Tell me Misty."
"Well, I actually don't know why I'm here, I don't even remember why I got on this plane."
"It says here that the book has enough power to make the conveniences in the script happen, so I guess that's why you're here. In any case-
Sprout raised his hoof to which Hitch sighed in annoyance.
"Tell me Sprout."
"What's fanart?" - The confused stallion asked.
"That's simple. A fanart is graphic art created by a fan that can be directed towards a real or fictional character. I have a lot of them because my fans love me" -Commented Pipp throwing a picture with Sparky who also appeared out of nowhere just because I forgot to post it at first.
"And are those Fanarts pretty?" - Sprout asked again.
"Some are beautiful, some are works of art, some are meh, some are embarrassing, sometimes there are too many fetishists, but the ones that scare me the most are the NSFW ones. Sometimes my fans go overboard" - Pipp could feel the feathers on his fluffy wings ruffle at the memory of one of his more perverse fanarts.
"Before you ask Sprout, we will now address that issue. But I'll continue" - She clears her throat and turns her attention to the book for the tenth time - "The rest is simple, Misty has to stay cute and fluffy, Pipp has to be even smaller than the original sketches in the series where she was blonde for some reason. Sunny has to canonically explain why and where she got the money to fix her home. Also Fans want to see racial inclusion, which is odd since we are all different and absolutely no one cares about that. They also want to see some disabled ponies that are cute and they also want more background character presence in the series so those same Fans can write their stories of romance, action, fiction, etc, based on the information given."
"Is this what it's like to be famous? It's a little stressful in my opinion" - Sunny said restlessly waving her hooves around the edges of the nearby table where she was sitting.
"You'll get used to it Sunny, give it time" - Pipp posed for a photo releasing a kiss into the air.
"Well, since this is a one-shot and it's already 2:16 AM I want to finish" - Hitch read the book with exactly those same words, which by the way, are true.
However the sheriff paid no attention to him and kept reading, although deep down he wasn't surprised that the writing in the book changed every time he read it.
"If we want to put LGBT couples in the series we have to make it subtle and well written, it shouldn't end up like certain series that don't know what they want and do it wrong, etc."
"That can't be done wrong, inclusion is always good" - Said a character who I won't mention his name so he won't be hated later for getting an LGBT joke wrong.
Hitch took his eyes off the book.
"Hasbro is the one who makes our series, he makes the important decisions and, supposedly, is a company that has good writers, although I've seen stories from our Fans better than the chapters in our series. Back on topic, imagine that in the end Zipp and I don't end up being a couple and in the end it turns out that Zipp is a lesbian-
"EHH! I DON'T LIKE....
-That's for Hasbro to decide" - Hitch lifted his hoove and silenced Zipp - "But that's what the fans are there for, and they can always push harder for the couple they want to date. That happened with several characters in the past generation."
"Okay, assuming I'm a lesbian, what would that prove?" - Zipp said hoof-crossed.
"You're an unfeminine girl, and that would prove that unfeminine women are all lesbians, a fact that is totally stupid since there are such feminine mares but they are still lesbians. In any case Pipp is meat to really be the lesbian of this show, but since that will disappoint the Fans, I'm confused was I ever. That's why it's best to apply the ambiguous method."
"What?" - Sunny asked.
-It's leaving an ambiguous couple. In the past generation they left two ambiguous couples, but the writer of this absurd book says he doesn't care whether they are together or not since he was never one to pair up, except for two very special couples."
"Which ones are they? You know, just out of curiosity hehe." - Misty brushed away one of the curls in her hair that were blocking her vision.
"He never said, I guess only time will tell. But now on to a very important topic, the NSFW content. Here clearly the author of the book wrote in category M this part so I have foul language and I can talk about whatever I want....
"I'm curious Hitch, how many... hehe... you know, how many pictures do we have...?" - Tried to finish a stuttering and nervous Sprout but Hitch interrupted him.
"How many pictures of us having sex? Quite a few Sprout, more than the entire population of Maretime Bay. But don't worry, that won't happen."
"Just as well..." - Whistled a quiet Sprout.
"Unless Hasbro wants my character to be gay, which would then be the perfect excuse for all our fans to make fanarts of us making love anywhere in Equestria. I don't even know what to think anymore, my mind can only think of the time all those people who make videos and drawings of us fucking each other have. But whatever, as long as they make money. Besides, some of those artists have a very good talent, and I won't deny that, no matter how shady their drawings are."
"Can you show me one? Just out of curiosity," Sprout asked.
"Better not."-Despite being quite far away from Sprout, Hitch moved a little further away from the red stallion .
"So, I have pictures..." - She didn't get to finish Zipp when Hitch continued for her.
"Pictures showing even the most intimate of your sensuality? Of course. You even have pictures of you and your sister having fun alone."
In just a few seconds Zipp's white face turned green as she felt an uncomfortable pressure that prompted her to vomit. Without suppressing her upset stomach, the white pegasus stuck her head out the white window and began to expel her emotions in liquid form.
-"There are also pictures of Izzy with Alphabite and Sunny with her father."
With that said, both Izzy and Sunny ran to Zipp's side to vomit even more than Zipp herself.
"I also have several with my grandmother but, I don't really care."
"How are you so calm Hitch, aren't you seeing how much that book sucks, THE ENTIRE SOCIETY SUCKS!" - An angry Sprout yelled in the sheriff's face, something to which Hitch replied.
"You have an image of a child being raped by your own mother Sprout."
Sprout also spewed.
"The book says that to keep me from falling into insanity she'll put a marijuana spell on me or something, I don't know."
"Let it all out girls" - Both Pipp and Misty were gently patting their friends' backs.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH OUR FANDOM! I'M PRETTY SURE NO OTHER SERIES HAS AS MUCH PORN OR WHATEVER OUR FANDOM LIKES. I WILL NOT BE A PART OF THIS HITCH!"-Composing himself Zipp yelled directly in the sheriff's face, to which Hitch, as he had done since this little story began, looked on blankly.
And then, just like that out of nowhere, he grabbed Zipp by the neck and began kissing her.
I would describe the kiss more beautifully but it's now 3:00 AM and I'm getting more and more tired. All I will say is that it was a hot, obvious, hot kiss and besides that Zipp almost choked.
"WHAT WAS THAT SHERIFF?!" - Wiping her lips, and with a hint of horniness and lust inside her body magically bestowed because that's how it's set in the one-shot destiny, Zipp took several steps away from Hitch as she watched bewildered and blushing.
"I had to do it, this story is ultimately labeled as romantic and sexual and is in the mature category. And if that wasn't enough now I have to take you to the police station and make love to you right there with a view of the ocean or right here in the cockpit of the plane."
"WHAT, WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT HITCH, ARE YOU SICK OR SOMETHING?" - Blushing even more than the last time and feeling that tingle that was urging her to lovingly join Hitch for some reason she was still unaware of, the sincere desire to experience something with the stud she had always dreamed of, (even though she was actually thinking this now for the first time), was killing her.
"Remember Zipp, it's written in the book, and if it's written in the book, then it must come true. Besides, it's not like it's not fun." - Hitch's last words before the inevitable happened.
Author's Note
Honestly, this is one of the dumbest things, but at the same time, the most successful that I have ever done. I will always dedicate myself to writing for fun and not looking for likes or fame.
And, don't worry, I will dedicate myself to creating more stories in the future, some very good romantic ones that I have come up with, consider this as a joke.
(If you saw any grammatical errors or the like, I must reiterate that English is not my native language so it is not entirely my fault that this happens)
A big hug to everyone who took the time to read this garbage of history.
