My Pretty Moon Horse

by Drunk Luna

Rating: teen
Tags: Profanity, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Human, Princess Luna, Original Character, Comedy
Length: 1349

Luna discovers that little girls and grown men are obsessed with her.

When Princess Luna accidentally winds up in the human world and is unable to teleport back to Equestria, she fears what might happen to her. Miraculously, she is rescued by Hannah, a young girl who loves horses. She hides Luna in her bedroom until the princess can find a way home. Luna, who has only ever experienced the cruel side of humans, slowly begins to trust and love her new caretaker.

Luna faces an existential crisis when she discovers that in the human universe, she is known merely as a fictional character on a popular children’s television show. The princess becomes a celebrity overnight, but it isn’t long before Luna remembers that she is needed in Equestria, though she has become attached to Hannah.

Now, Luna must find a way home without being attacked by hordes of starry-eyed little girls and people who simply want to exploit her for their own selfish financial and personal reasons.

Published 2023-03-27 22:10:00 UTC
Last updated 2023-04-06 19:49:00 UTC

How’d I Get Here?

Everything hurts. The ground beneath me is cushioned with grass, but my entire body feels hollow. Miraculously, my legs are not broken, and my massive wings are intact. I can tell by the weight atop my head that my horn is still where it belongs. As I blink furiously to adjust to the blinding light, I spot my obsidian crown and necklace lying a few yards away. I grunt, gathering my legs underneath my body and slowly rising to my hooves. My ears flick in every direction as I survey my new surroundings: A sprawling green pasture occupied by several other equines, whom I instantly recognize as regular horses—Earth ponies. A stocky chestnut mare trots toward me, her ears pinned. I immediately recognize that she is the dominant mare of the herd, so I lower my head submissively and prick my ears forward, showing that I respect her position and will not attempt to usurp her authority. The mare’s ears remain flat against her head.

“Greetings, Earth brethren!” I call. “I am Princess Luna, co-ruler of Equestria. I would appreciate some—OW!” I grit my teeth as the mare delivers a swift kick to my side.

“Your title means nothing here, blue one,” the mare snorts. “We are here to do the humans’ bidding. We exist only for their pleasure. You’ll figure that out soon enough. Now, shut up and eat your grass like the rest of us.” Her words feel like a kick to my teeth. I gather my bruised pride and toss my head, trotting off to the opposite side of the field.

Soon, the sky grows dark. I long to raise the moon as I have done for years, but my power is useless in this world. A human comes out to the gate and opens it. My companions nicker softly, pricking their ears forward at the sound of the creature’s footsteps. It is a male, and he carries a bucket that clearly contains some sort of food, but certainly nothing that royalty like myself would dare partake in eating. I snort incredulously, pinning my ears at the approaching bipedal creature.

“Easy, now, girl,” he says in a low voice, holding up a strange leather object with gold buckles on it. “We’re just gonna take you on inside now, all right?” This creature is either suicidal, insane, incredibly stupid, or a combination of all three traits. I tense up and kick the human in the stomach, knocking him backward—at least, I assume he has fallen backward, since I’m not going to stick around long enough to find out.

I take to the sky, trying to conjure some sort of portal back to Equestria. Strangely, my magic seems to hit a brick wall; there is some kind of buffer preventing it from working correctly. For the time being, I will not be able to return home. All I can do is bide my time as I wait for my power to return. Unfortunately, this means I am defenseless against any kind of threat that might arise in this world. Damn it, Celestia never should have dared me to try that spell that Starswirl specifically told us never to attempt; we were both five tequila shots deep into a party with Cadance, though, so really, what could we have expected? I snort again and land in a small clearing in a nearby forest. My wings are so tired. I am in desperate need of rest, some food, and a bath, but Celestia only knows what kinds of fierce creatures might lurk in these woods. I glance over my shoulder, then lower my head to graze. The moon rises on its own in this strange place. I am terrified, dirty, hungry, and so very alone. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Horsey!

Well, shit. I’ve been discovered. I wake up to the sound of a screaming child, who is running across the field with his mother in tow.

“Look, mommy, a horsey!” the child yells. “Can I pet it?”

Not if you keep screaming like that, you little shit.

“Sure, honey. Let’s go see if she’s friendly,” the adult agrees, because apparently it’s perfectly acceptable for human parents to allow their small children to pet strange animals.

My ears flick apprehensively, and I prepare to run away, but a familiar, sweet scent makes me pause. I would recognize that smell anywhere: Fresh apples. I prick my ears forward curiously, and my body trembles with a low, deep, involuntary nicker. Wait, what? I am an alicorn princess; I do not nicker—I had no idea that I can sound such a greeting. The humans wrongly take my nickering as permission to come closer. I pin my ears at them, but those apples smell so enticing that my ears prick forward again, indicating my curiosity. Damn it, I’m so hungry. It’s been so long since the last time I ate. I take one tentative step toward the humans, then another, then another, until I am close enough to reach out for the delicious red slices that lie in the small human’s outstretched palm. I don’t want to cause any unnecessary pain to this innocent child, so I take extra care to avoid biting his small fingers as I gingerly take the treats and begin to munch on them. The child giggles, presumably because my velvety muzzle tickles his palm.

“Horsey,” he declares happily, reaching up to stroke my face. I lower my head further so that he can pet my ears. Ohhhh yes, that’s the spot. If I were a dog, my hind leg would be shaking in pleasure right now. I gum his hand with my soft lips, then I nuzzle his stomach.

Suddenly, a slightly older child, a female, runs in my direction, screaming my name. I shy back, squealing. How does this small human know who I am? She is running toward me at top speed, so I turn and gallop away. My wings propel my body upward, and I soar for miles until night falls. I’m terrified. Why the hay is everyone so obsessed with me? Maybe I’ll figure it out tomorrow.

Hannah

I awaken the next morning to the sound of soft footsteps. I immediately leap to my hooves and pin my ears as I whirl around to confront whatever is approaching me, but my body relaxes when I realize that it is only a human filly. My ears prick forward, and I lower my head curiously. The filly reaches out her hand, flattened with her palm up, for me to smell. I take a few cautious steps towards her; my instincts tell me that this young human means no harm. As I get closer, I notice the scent of apples. Oh, sweet Celestia, I am so hungry. Grass just hasn't done it for me. I toss my head and quicken my stride into a trot, nickering a friendly greeting.

"Hello, pretty pony," the human filly says softly. She reaches up to stroke my neck, and I let her. I can tell that she is kind by her gentle touch and calm voice, so I drop my head to sniff her pockets. She laughs and offers me an apple, which I take greedily, taking extra care to avoid biting her small fingers. The treat is delicious. I sniff around her hands and pockets some more, then let out a snort of disappointment when I realize that she doesn't have any food left. She gives me a pat on my neck, then turns and walks away. I follow her; maybe she's going to get more food. She doesn't realize the I'm following her until she walks out onto a suburban street. The clip-clop of my metal horseshoes on the pavement makes her turn around, and she laughs.

"You followed me home, moon horse!" she giggled. "I can't just keep you; my parents won't even let me get a goldfish." She shrugs. "Oh, well, you can hide in my room. I'll call you..."

Luna, kid. My name is Luna.

"...Moon Horse!"

Me damn it.