Drunk Princesses And Dolphins
Of Course, It All Started With A Challenge
“Hey Luna, I bet I can chug a beer faster than you.”
The princess of dreams raised her head from the beach lounger in which she had been napping. Her Gucci sunglasses slid down her nose as she blinked rapidly. No other words would have roused her from such a peaceful slumber. Luna snapped her head towards Twilight, who was sitting in the lounger next to her in their private cabana. The lunar princess searched the purple alicorn’s face, then rolled her eyes with a snort.
“Surely you jest, Twilight Sparkle,” she chuckled. “Do you not know of my history with alcoholic beverages? I can outdrink anypony, even most of my own guards. Still, I am not one to back down from a challenge. You’re on!” Celestia, Cadance, and Flurry Heart all looked over at the rambunctious royals, who were trotting to the beachfront bar at a brisk pace. Shrugging, the three princesses followed the other two and ordered some cocktails while Twilight and Luna ordered a bunch of beer.
Two hours later:
“Hurry Flart, you needa find yerself a boyfreeund,” Twilight drawled. “Yer so pretty. Luna, isn’t my niece pretty? LUNA! ISN’T MY NIECE PREETY?”
“STOP YELLING IN MY EAR, TWIGLET SPORKLE!”
“STOP USING THE CANTERLOT VOICE, MOONBUTT!” Twilight yelled. “Furry Mart, you need to go get yourself a boyfriend. Your mom is the princess of love, and I’m the motherfucking princess of friendship. We’re gonna make a Tinder profile for you.” Flurry rolled her eyes and sipped her beer.
“Uhh, as the princess of dreams and shit like that,” Luna suddenly announced, “I’ve got something to say: Number one, Flurry does not need to go on an app as terrible as Tinder to find a date; don’t insult your niece like that, Twiglet Sporkle. Number two, I wanna swim with the dolphins. Who’s with me?” The other ponies looked over at her, surprised. Celestia spat her Mai Tai across the table.
“Dolphins are mean little bastards,” she said. “They do all kinds of messed up stuff to each other for fun. Ask me again after I’ve had about three more cocktails.”
“No, they’re ocean puppies,” Luna argued, crossing her forelegs.
“We never decided who won our beer chugging contest,” Twilight said.
“Luna,” Celestia, Cadance, and Flurry Heart replied in unison.
“And as the princess of chugging,” Luna interjected, “I command that we all swim with some dolphins, damn it!” The other alicorns groaned and rolled their eyes. Clearly, Luna was not going to let this go. The other princesses followed the lunar diarch into the water, more because they wanted to shut her up than actually do what she kept talking about. Luna ran aimlessly into the ocean, yelling, “COME AND PLAY WITH THE MOON GODDESS, OCEAN PUPPIES!” Flurry Heart and Twilight both cracked up as they realized that Luna’s high-pitched screaming had actually attracted a decent-sized pod of dolphins, who were splashing playfully with her.
“You must join me, Sister!” Luna yelled as she hugged one of the dolphins. “They are so cute, and they like hugs. Twiglet Sporkle, you have to come and meet the friendliest creatures in the ocean for the sake of diplomacy, if for no other reason.” Twilight swam up beside Luna, stroking every dolphin within her reach. I shouldn’t have agreed to come on this trip, but it was either this or listening to Fluttershy telling me to stay out of her shed every day when I came over to help her in the garden, the princess of friendship thought as she petted the dolphins.
“I WANNA HUG ONE!” Celestia screamed at the top of her lungs. She grabbed the first dolphin she saw and wrapped him in her hooves. The dolphin cuddled into her hug, then gave her a playful splash.
“I get all the hugs! I’m the princess of love! Nopony gives better hugs than me!” Cadance yelled, hugging the nearest dolphins.
“The hugs have been doubled!” Luna added as she hugged two dolphins at once.
“I think my life has just been made,” Flurry giggled, giving one of the dolphins a belly rub. “Nothing can top this.”
“Another beer probably could,” Twilight told her niece. Her eyes widened. “Wait,” she said, “what if we all wore those stupid hats with straws and cup holders on either side that that you can put beer cans in?”
“No,” the others replied in unison. Twilight shrugged and started riding one of the dolphins, who happily towed her in a large circle.
“I just wanna stay here with the cute little ocean puppies all day! Who’s a cute little ocean puppy? Is it you? Is it? Yes, it’s you!” Luna cooed as she stroked the nearest dolphin. A snort from Celestia caused her to turn around so quickly that she nearly broke her neck. “Oh, shut up, sister.”
“Hey, I think I know what would make this better,” Flurry gasped. “More beer!” She magically conjured a giant cooler full of Coors Light. “I may be a princess, but I’ll never stop drinking like an Earth pony.” She hiccuped and chugged another can in one gulp.
“Hey, I have an idea, sister,” Luna said. “Let’s teach Hurry Flart how to play that game we learned in col—“
“NO, LUNA!”
“Not a good idea, Luna,” Twilight warned. “The last time we played a drinking game, you threw up all over Rarity’s new dress.”
“THAT WAS ONE TIME!” Luna whined. “Okay, four separate times on different occasions, but that is not the point. Rarity should have learned not to sit within retching distance from an alicorn!”
“Luna does have a point, Twiglet,” Celestia pointed out. Twilight looked around for who asked, then rolled her eyes.
“I wanna swim with these guys forever,” Flurry squealed, giggling as a dolphin jumped over her. “This is the greatest day of my life. This entire conversation has been so stimulating for my developing brain.”
“Are you even old enough to drink, Flurry?” Luna asked her.
“Diplomatic immunity, Moonbutt,” the youngest princess replied as one of the dolphins gave her a friendly nudge.
