Anonfilly becomes Queen of Equestira

by ImNew2023

Rating: teen
Tags: Prince Blueblood, Gilda, Profanity, Random, Main 6, Anon, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy
Length: 2543

Anon bribes Spike into forging a letter from Princess Celestia. Madness ensues.

Living as a filly in Twilight’s library Anon intercepts a letter from Princess Celestia meant for Twilight.

Making an offer to Spike and his dexterous claws Anon positions herself into Regency.

Safe to say the Princess is not amused by the aftermath

Published 2023-03-31 19:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2023-03-31 19:20:01 UTC

Tyranny is Adorable

Anon was sat in her room at Twilight’s library she went through spell books that the purple unicorn had gathered. Ever since Twilight turned her into a filly Anon had been impatiently researching spells on how to be turned back.

While as an earth pony she couldn’t do the spell herself Anon still spent hours a day looking through spells, wanting to expedite Twilight’s own research on how to turn her back into a him. Anon was at least greatful that Twilight didn’t treat her like an actual foal, going to school all over again would eat ass. Especially considering that excluding 4 of them Anon despised basically every foal in her age group that she’d met.

The Cutie Mark Crusaders weren’t that bad, and Button was fun to game with plus he had a hot mom which is always a bonus in friendships. Diamond Tiara was a total cunt, Silverspoon wasn’t at bad but still a stuck up bitch and Snips and Snails looked more like the results of incest than any Canterlot noble line.

While reading through tomes, Anon felt something suddenly fall on her head.

“What the fuck is this?” She asked looking at the rolled up scroll that had fallen on the floor next to him. “This is probably something personal meant for Twilight” Anon thought.

Unrolling it she began to read.

My dearest student Twilight Sparkle.

We have received terrible news from Saddle Arabia. A force of unicorns wielding the dark arts have attempted a coup. Luna, Cadance and I have been called to aid our allies.

While it is a request I take lightly, I cannot trust the current stock of nobility within Canterlot as my regents.

I must ask you to travel to Canterlot and take the position of Regent of Equestria, acting as Princess in my stead until my return.

Lovingly, Princess Celestia

Reading through the letter Anon got an idea. A terrible idea. A brilliant idea. A brilliantly, terribly, Anon idea.

“Spike! Stop working in your Rarity body pillow and get the fuck up here!” Anon bellowed out. Rushing into the room, a pin cushion strapped to his arm and covered in bits of cotton fluff Spike panting slightly from exhaustion “what is it?” He asked concerningly.

“Is Twilight home?” Anon asked “no, she’s still out with the girls” he said “good, I need your dexterous claws for something” Anon explained.

Showing the letter to Spike I had to stop him running off with it by biting down on his tail “Anon we’ve got to get this to Twilight” he argued.

“Yeah that’s the responsible thing to do. Or~” Anon said slyly “Anon no” Spike tried to put his foot down once he realized what the filly had in mind “just hear me out, you go over and recreate the letter but make it out so she’s making me Regent, then I’ll be able to give you your heart’s desire” Anon offered.

Spike’s eyes lit up when she said those words “you mean?” He asked, hoping Anon meant what he hoped. “Yes, I will use my power to make Rarity go on a romantic date with you” Anon confirmed.

Pulling a quill and ink pot Spike started writing.

About an hour later Twilight came home. Putting away the new books in her saddle bag Twilight was greeted by Spike and Anon coming down stairs, Anon holding something in her mouth “what’s that in your mouth Anon?” She asked using her magic to lift the letter out of Anon’s mouth.

Seeing the royal seal Twilight’s eyes lit up “it’s a letter from Princess Celestia!” She said, excited to hear from her mentor.

My most adorable best-filly Anonymous.

We have received terrible news from Saddle Arabia. A force of unicorns wielding the dark arts have attempted a coup. Luna, Cadance and I have been called to aid our allies.

While it is a request I take lightly but the nobility are all a bunch of inbred morons who waste their time fighting over dumb shit.

I must ask you to travel to Canterlot and take the position of Regent of Equestria, acting as Princess in my stead until my return.

P.S. I’ve decided to adopt you as my daughter making you the official heir to the throne. Don’t worry, Luna is alright with it. We’ve been in a secret incestious lesbian relationship since she got back. Once you're a grown mare you can join us and make a royal threesome.

Lovingly, Mummy Celestia

P.P.S don’t show this to Twilight she’ll spaz out.

Twilight’s jaw dropped hard enough it cracked the wooden floor she was sitting on. She reread the letter again and again. It was in the Princess’s writing but she just couldn’t believe it.

“What’s wrong Twily?” Anon asked using her most innocent sounding voice. Looking down at the human man trapped in a filly’s body Twilight almost fainted from delayed shock.

The next morning after breakfast Twilight forced Anon into the prettiest frock that Rarity could make in such a short time.

“Do I have to wear this thing?” Anon asked, not at all impressed with the 4 layers of frilly fabrics each in a different shade of pink “but darling you look so adorable” Rarity said cooing over her own creation “yeah Non-Bon you look so soft and squishy I love it!” Pinkie said, both Rainbow Dash and Applejack being needed to hold her back so she doesn’t squeeze Anon to death.

Arriving at the castle you were met by an uproar from nobles once Twilight read out the letter.

“A filly? Regent! This is outrageous!”

“A foal cannot govern a kingdom!”

“Let alone some common earth pony”

The noise of their complaining only grew louder and louder until Rainbow Dash let out a roar worthy of the Royal Canterlot voice “WILL YOU SNOT NOSED JERKS JUST CAN IT!” She yelled, making the room shake for a second. But it did its job, the nobles indeed canned it. Although some did soil themselves in the process.

Letting out a sigh, Twilight approached the crowd “esteemed members of the nobility, I see your concerns. I myself don’t entirely understand her choices myself. But this was Princess Celestia’s choice. As her loyal subjects, everypony needs to do their best to help Equestria in the Princess’s absence” she said.

“How do we know this isn’t some form of trick!” A nobleman called out.

“I’ve compared the letter to every other letter Princess Celestia has sent me since being sent to Ponyville. The writing matches exactly. No unicorn has the magic to replicate her hoof writing, and any pegasus or earth pony wouldn’t be able to write in such a font, they lack the dexterity that comes with magic” Twilight explained.

Spike was sweating profusely behind the rest of the Mane 6, looking at Anon through the corner of his eye. Anon simply looked back, mouthing “if I go down I’m taking you with me” at the dragon.

“By the will of the Princesses Celestia and Luna, Anonymous has been granted the right to act as Princess Regent until their return” Raven Inkwell, the Princess’s secretary explained.

Anon sat on Celestia’s throne, a smirk across her face. The first phase of her master plan to rule Equestria had gone into effect.

“I’m going to rule this goddamn planet in a week” she thought to herself.

Twilight and the girls stood to the side, all of them wearing a concerned face except for Pinkie who was still being held back from glomping the filly.

“I have a bad feeling about these girls” Twilight said looking at Anon trying to put a crown three sizes too big on her head “relax sugarcube, Anon may be a stallion on the inside but he’s a lil filly on the outside. With the six of us here how much trouble could she really cause?” Applejack asked, giving the unicorn some added confidence.

-one week later-

“Ravioli ravioli give me all your moneoli! Anon said holding out an empty bag in front of Blueblood and several other nobles. Looking at the green filly for a second, Blueblood burst into laughter along with the other nobles “you seriously expect us to just hand over our wealth to you?” He asked, barely being able to talk while he laughed.

“No, I expect you to hand it over to them,” Anon said, pointing to her front hoof behind the group.

Looking behind him Blueblood’s eyes went wide while his face went pale.

Landing on the floor with a thud were dozens of griffins wearing armor decorated with a prominent question mark.

“Captain Gilda! Arrest these fuckwits and throw them in prison for treason!” Anon ordered “w-what? You can’t do that!” Blueblood screamed as he was grabbed by the griffons “I just did, oh and make sure all their wealth and property is confiscated” Anon said smirking as she turned to go sit back down on her throne.

Kicking and screaming as he was dragged away Blueblood could vaguely hear Anon call out “make sure he drops the soap!”

Being dragged to the dungeons Blueblood was thrown into a cell along with several other nobles. Getting back to his feet Blueblood spotted something off about the cell opposite him.

It was much larger than his, looking as if it had the neighboring walls knocked down to expand it. Inside was a bookshelf, a sewing machine, an oven, some dumbbells, a cider distillery and a rabbit sat in a small dog bed.

The only thing that surprised him more was the mares inside said cell “Rarity?” He asked them to get the white mare’s attention.

“Blueblood?” She was surprised to see the spoiled sack of shit “so Anon’s finally shut you up huh?” Dash chuckled “hey, no talking across cells!” The griffin guard snapped.

“At least Nonny was nice enough to give us an oven” Pinkie said checking the timer “Pinkie, we’re still prisoners” Twilight reminded her.

“Ding!”

“Now we’re prisoners who have cupcakes!” The pink mare cheered.

Back in the throne room Anon was going through her newest list of laws she was going to implement.

“Anon, are you sure that taxing zebras not named Zecora for not being called Zecora is a good idea?” Spike asked “duh” Anon said digging into the red velvet cake in front of her “but won’t they just change their name?” He asked “don’t worry (munch) I planned for that on the next page” she responded, her face covered in cake.

Flipping the page over Spike saw there was another law saying it was illegal to change your name to Zecora.

“Oh it is right here,” Spike said.

“Flip the page, you’ll like the next law. Doing so Spike’s eyes turned to comically large hearts.

All unicorn mare’s with white fur are required to go on 1 date a week with the nearest dragon

“Happy birthday!” You congratulated Spike “but that’s not for another month” he said snapping out of his simp trance “oh… eh I’ll make the lord of somewhere then” Anon shrugged going back to her cake.

“Hey boss” a griffin said coming into the throne room holding a tray of cupcakes ``hi Greg'' Anon waved “damn it moron I told you to watch the prisoners!” Gilda scowled. Standing his ground Greg just ate another cupcake “oh them? They’re out” Greg said, bits of cupcakes flying out of his mouth.

“Wait what?” Anon asked.

Suddenly the doors burst open showing the Mane Six, Elements of Harmony in han-hoof.

“Anon your reign of terror ends here!” Twilight proclaimed.

“God damn it Greg you feather brained son of a bitch! How did they get out!” Anon yelled at her guard “Pinkie me cupcakes” he explained “with extra frosting!” Pinkie added.

“Stand down now young filly!” Twilight demanded using a tone reserved for a mother “never you lavender fanfic writing bitch! My reign will last forever! Queen Anon the Great will be supreme ruler of all horseland forever! And nothing will take my empire from me!” Anon explained.

Before the mares could do battle with the tyrannical filly a sudden flash of light filled the room.

Rubbing her eyes Anon’s vision returned, making her pupils shrink to pin pricks at the sight.

“Anon” Celestia said, the atom bomb of all disappointed looks on her face.

“Welp this was fun but gotta fly half pint” Gilda said, flapping her wings and smashing through the stained glass windows, a bag of bits in one hand and the tray of cupcakes in the other, Greg following soon after.

“Oi! Gilda! Come back here you bitch!” Anon yelled, waving her hoof in anger as Gilda flew off.

Turning her gaze slowly back to the white alicorn Anon started sweating buckets, her mind running at light speed to find a way out of this.

“It was him! He forged the letter!” Anon squeaked pointing at Spike “you bribed me then blackmailed me!” He defended “shut up, I’m not going to Tartarus alone! Also he’s been making a body pillow of Rarity that he keeps under his bed!” She added making the room gasp and Rarity blush.

“Enough!” Celestia said using the Royal Canterlot voice “you have been a very naughty filly Anon, and naughty fillies get punished” she scolded, using her magic to lift the crown off of Anon’s head.

Turning to her student Celestia got a far warmer smile “any ideas for an appropriate punishment Twilight?” She asked, the lavander unicorn getting a uncharacteristically sadistic smile.

Looking over her kingdom Celestia sighed. Statues of Anon littered the streets of Canterlot, along with gift shops selling merchandise of the filly’s likeness.

Bits that were taken as tax were being returned, prisoners released and while it would be a waste of money to destroy them the statues were simply destroyed they were being moved out of public areas.

“Have all of Anon’s laws been repealed yet?” Celestia asked “yes your Highness, all except for National Belly Rub Day, state pained therapy for those who were victims of the most recent monster attacks and Cakes being declared an Equestrian right” Inkwell explained.

“While I can’t agree with 90% of her policies I have to confess your Highness those were good ideas'' Inkwell added “that we can agree upon, now what punishment had Twilight decided on for Spike and Anon?” Celestia asked.

-meanwhile in Ponyville-

“Noooooo!” Anon screamed, stuggling to try and get out of the rope keeping her bound to the chair. Sat opposite of her was Fluttershy wearing her usual warm smile while holding a spoon full of dandelions ``come on Anon, open wide for the friendship express~” she sang like a mother feeding a fussy filly “Fluttershy please! You know I hate dandelions! Have pity!” Anon half cried looking at the 2 kilo bag of flowers Fluttershy had at her side.

“They’re good for you Anon, sometimes to be kind you have to be cruel,” Fluttershy said, maintaining her warm smile as she forced the spoon into Anon’s mouth.

Anon’s screams of torment could be heard all the way from outside. Spike occasionally moved his head towards the hut while clearing up the week of animal droppings that had been left to pile.