It was the height of fall; the thick-trunked trees that stood as staunch as shields began to have their vibrant-colored leaves plucked one by one against the season's chilling grasp. The earth was dry and cold, granting no feeling of comfort, and the grass was pale and lifeless; drained of its familiar splendor. The world was soundless, only the faint chilling breeze of the wind was heard, uttering soothing whispers in the arid, constricting atmosphere. The skies were gray and dense with unmoving clouds that cast the world in a washed-out, lusterless haze.
There was a vast, stagnant lake and a stallion sitting on its edge. His faded coat, mane, and tail were matted and dull, and colors of black and white seemed to mix into an unappealing gray. His haggard face once held beautiful eyes, of a shining blue, now looked black and empty, and his flank was barren, absent of a cutie mark.
Zain stared listlessly at his reflection in the stagnant water, squinting faintly as if trying to see who it was. All he saw was a tired old fool. Zain had killed a pony and it set off a chain of events that left him with no other option but to flee. He never looked back once, galloping for days until he reached one of Equestria's borders. He thought no pony could find him here, where he could hide from the world.
The more Zain gazed at the calming waters, the more the urge became. He tested the temperature of the water and found that it was cold enough to sap whatever strength he had left. He could enter a world of cold darkness, whisking him away from his troubles. He knew he could not swim. If anything came down to it, he could take the plunge; he was already a coward, fleeing from his retribution. The urge to commit the deed grew ever more tantalizing by the second.
"If you do it now...you won't try and fight back," Zain whispered to himself, attempting to psyche himself up. Through labored breathing, he put a hoof in the water, then another, and another until all four of his hooves were submerged in the water. He fought back a hiss as he felt the cold numbness already taking hold. "You won't get second thoughts. Don't look back...don't look back."
Zain swallowed the air he thought would be his last. He thought that this is how it was supposed to be. The incident, whether or not it could be allayed, matters not now. To perform a crime of such magnitude, in Equestria no less, there was no going back, he thought.
Just as he was about to plunge the rest of his body into the lake, a voice sounded behind him. "There you are. I was afraid I wouldn't have the opportunity to speak with you."
Stunned with fear, Zain froze, his mind racing. He knew that voice, sweet and strong. It carried the voice of a benevolent mother to her blessed offspring. But how? Zain was so sure that none could tail him after what happened. Was he so doomed that he couldn't even take his own life before being confronted with his actions?
"Princess Celestia?" Zain called meekly, his voice wrought with anxiety and dread. He turned to confirm what he already knew to be true.
Princess Celestia stood near the edge of the lake, where Zain once stood in his pondering. In this colorless world, Princess Celestia shined like the bright sun on a summer day; her pristine white coat shimmered as if coated with sublime greatness; untarnished. Her ethereal mane was a stunning rainbow of color after a light rain shower, nearly captivating Zain in its breathtaking hues.
She stood as tall as three stallions with immaculate wings and a powerful horn capable of great deeds like moving the sun itself. There was this auric pressure that pulsed from her being, yet it wasn't heavy, but warm and inviting. Her magnificent magenta eyes were the most beautiful about her; they sparkled and shined with infinite wisdom and knowledge. Those eyes never missed a thing.
The benevolent monarch held a shadow of a smile across that radiant countenance as she sat carefully on the earth. She stared at Zain with a look of concern and not hatred for what he had done. How could she sit there and give Zain a smile that could melt the most frozen of hearts? Didn't she know what he had done, why he was out here instead of serving her? Why hasn't she attacked him?
"Zain, I would like to speak with you, if you will allow it," she said, her wonderful voice sneaking into his heart and mind. "I want you to tell me how it happened. I will not get angry, Zain; I'm worried about you. Please, step out of the lake and talk to me."
Zain was reluctant to leave the lake. He psyched himself up to commit the deed, but now that he was in Princess Celestia's presence, he began to hesitate. "There's nothing that can be gained from speaking," he told her bleakly. "Just let me end it!"
"Talk to me, Zain," Princess Celestia repeated. "Sit beside me."
"Stop it!" he spat. "Why aren't you angry?! Don't you know what I did?! Aren't you going to punish me?!"
"Never mind that," she told him silkily, patting a patch of grass and urging Zain to sit beside her. "I want to hear it from you. You are not the type of stallion to perpetrate that sort of transgression; you need to possess the malice to enact such vile viciousness." She narrowed her eyes. "You have been in my service ever since your youth, and I know you quite well, so if you believe I would not desire the reason that created the incident, then you are mistaken."
Zain flinched at those last few words. Princess Celestia was right. She wouldn't act in bad faith or ignorance, rather she would seek out the reason. How could Zain believe anything else? Was he that stupid, to not know what his princess would desire? He felt himself moving out of the lake and sitting beside Princess Celestia. Was it magic forcing him or was it something else that drove his legs out of the water? He did not know. When he did sit beside his princess, he could feel the warmth radiating off of her and Zain found himself leaning against her, desperate to soak up every bit of warmth. It was quite welcome in this chilly place.
A wing brushed against his side and pulled Zain closer to his Princess. "Tell me what happened," she told him softly.
This motherly creature grafted Zain's mind and heart too many times; she had saved his life once and given him a purpose when he wandered before. He owed everything to her. Everything. How could he deny her this?
"I can feel your suffering, Zain," Princess Celestia spoke. Her voice trembled and Zain could feel her shudder. She held him tightly. "I have known you since you were a foal. You were raised in the royal guard. You had so much love and loyalty to give; I know you would never have killed another pony maliciously. Please, tell me."
"Alright, I'll tell you," Zain mumbled. He had his eyes fixated on the lake. "It happened five days ago. I was patrolling the streets of Canterlot when I heard a scream coming from one of the stores and saw a young stallion cloaked in rags carrying a brown sack that jingled with bits, making his way down the busy street.
"The shopkeeper wailed for somepony to help her get back the bits that were stolen. I was the only one who could do anything, so I raced after the young stallion until I caught up to him after a grueling chase. I tackled him to the ground and wrenched the sack of bits from his grasp before pinning him down. I ordered him to stop moving and that he was under arrest, but...but he continued to struggle under my weight.
"I felt him wriggling out of my grip and pressed onto him harder, insisting he gave up his pointless struggle, but he didn't listen and in a desperate bid to escape, he pulled out a knife that was concealed in his ragged attire when he managed to wrench out a hoof. He put the knife in his mouth and craned his neck toward me in an attempt to cut my throat and escape. I could see the fear and desperation in his eyes as he swiped and slashed feebly at me, each attack narrowly missing my throat, but he came closer to killing with each strike.
"I started to panic; I wasn't thinking clearly. I could have easily disarmed him if I just kept a level head, but I didn't. I couldn't control my earth pony strength! Instead, I... I-I slammed my front hooves against his neck and heard a cracking sound. He suddenly stopped, his eyes bulging in pain as he went limp. He didn't struggle anymore, he just...laid there. Unmoving. Scared, I tried to shake him awake, but nothing I did worked!
"It was then I heard a scream followed by another and another. I was surrounded by ponies who saw me end the young stallion's life. Members of the royal guard approached the crowd and saw me hovering over a dead pony's body. I was called a murderer, a killer; one of the highest offenses in Equestria. I couldn't speak. I was too shocked by what I had done and the crime I was charged with. Unable to bear it, I ran. I ran and ran from the royal guards I considered my friends and family. For days I ran from them until I reached this place, and you already know what I had tried to do."
Zain looked up to Princess Celestia held a face drenched with worry. "It was a mistake, an accident. I knew you didn't murder him. You were just scared and panicked. We can clear this up," she told him. "We can go back and clear your name."
"No," Zain told his pristine princess firmly. He shuddered and trembled. "There is no going back. No pony will accept it... It won't work. Everything has changed and nothing you say and do will work. There is only one path now..."
It had broke Zain's old heart to see his princess gaze at him with those magenta eyes. The glossiness in them told him she was holding back her tears. He didn't mean for this beautiful creature to cry. She should only have that stunning smile across her face, not sullied like this.
"What can we do?" she had asked him. "If you won't be welcome, then perhaps you can just stay here where no pony but myself knows. I don't want you to leave or...end your life. I want you to stay with me as you've always had. I could sneak away and visit you every day. I can transform your identity with my magic; I can give you a name, a new look, a new everything. Doesn't that sound perfect?"
Zain shook his head and looked away from Princess Celestia to escape her pleading eyes. "Celly," he began, "that will not work. The pain of my memories will haunt me until I die. I don't want to live with the guilt of knowing I killed somepony. It's tearing me up inside! Being somepony else is wrong, and I won't let you do it."
Saddened, Princess Celestia's head drooped. "Then what can we do?" she asked him, despair layered in her voice.
Zain broke from her grasp and sit in front of her. "I want you to kill me. Use your magic to break my neck."
Princess Celestia stared at Zain in horror. There was a cold dread creeping on the back of Her Majesty, Zain knew. He knew what he had said would be refused time and again.
"I won't illicit such an act, not to you," Princess Celestia said hoarsely. Her wings were spread out slightly and her coat rose as if she was being attacked. "There are other choices that can be made, Zain. This isn't the only way!"
"But it is," he told her, his eyes gazing back to the lake. "There is nothing for me beyond this point. Everypony will be clamoring for my imprisonment; demanding that I be sent to the dungeon for what I had done, mistake or not. I can't live with blood on my hooves; my mind would not allow it nor will my feelings. This only goes away if I die. But I want you to do it so that you can tell them that you have brought about my punishment. They'll thank and praise you for it, and I think that would be for the best. Grant this old stallion release..."
"I won't do it," Princess Celestia said, slamming a hoof down in frustration. "I will think of another way no matter how long it takes. I will not-"
"Stop," Zain interrupted. "Celly, I can't go back. Just... I want you to do this for me. I have never asked for anything from you, so let this be the first and last time."
Princess Celestia shook her head. "I don't want you to become another memory, not yet."
"Celly, I'd rather be a memory than this. I don't want you to see me suffer any longer. Please, do this for me," Zain pleaded.
The radiant princess was silent for a couple of heartbeats as if weighing her options, but Zain could see distress and slight panic across her white visage. It was uncommon to witness Princess Celestia act any other way than calm and serene, even in the direst of moments; Princess Celestia always kept her emotions in check to think lucidly and fairly, but she was struggling now.
"Is this your choice, Zain? Truly?" Princess Celestia saw the aged stallion nod his head glumly. She sighed heavily and steeled herself. "Then... then, I... I will do it, for that is your choice."
Princess Celestia's horn glowed a light golden as magic wrapped around Zain's withering neck. The old stallion could feel the magic grip around his neck slowly. He didn't flinch or struggle, he stood his ground and gaze out at the lake.
"When I die, I want you to bury me here," he told her softly. "Do not mark the grave with anything related to me; leave it blank with only you to know." He could hear Princess Celestia's ragged breathing behind him and knew she was having a tough time. "It's okay. Look away if you have to. But remember that this is my choice. Goodbye, Celly."
"Goodbye, Zain," she responded despondently.
Princess Celestia closed her eyes and whipped her head to the side. There was a crack, a pained grunt, followed by a soft thud. When she opened her eyes, she looked upon Zain's limp body. He looked to be in a deep, peaceful slumber, but his chest did not raise or lower. Instead, it was still with only his coat flowing in the cold breeze.
When Princess Celestia stepped to him and gazed at his lifeless body, she could see his dead eyes fixated on the calming waters of the stagnant lake. He was gone from her, a memory within her mind. She got to work, digging a grave for her fallen friend in dreadful silence. When she buried Zain's lifeless body, the radiant princess used her magic to summon a gravestone and placed it firmly on top of Zain's grave. It was blank and unmarked just as he asked.
With the deed done, Princess Celestia had to return to Canterlot and inform everypony of Zain's passing, but she did not want to leave yet. She sat in front of Zain's grave and stared at it for hours on end. Though she lamented the loss of a friend, she forced her weeping to remain silent for the duration of her ailing sorrow.
Only then would she return.
