I Swear this is the Only Chapter
Rainbow Dash looked at her latest conquest, the beautiful yellow mare with an orange, flame like mane, laid on her bed, sleeping peacefully. Spitfire was truly a gorgeous mare, her shapely legs, and smooth, silky plot only adding to the temptation that is sex with a wonderbolt. She slowly got up, crawling out of the other pony's bed, trying her hardest to not wake her. Then Rainbow did what she did best, she dashed out of there before anyone could force her to stick around for breakfast.
'Good Faust she was tight,' Dash shuddered thinking about the cleanliness and fine perfume scent, 'but I never want to eat out another mare for that long again… wonderbolt or not.' Rainbow Dash loved mares, but she hated providing them with oral services. It usually ended up taking too much of her time, too much of her effort, and there was always a slim chance that (even with her discriminating tastes) she could get a sexual infection in her mouth and tongue.
It was always strange to her that the pony nation of Equestria had about twice as many females as males, and yet lesbianism was frowned upon to the extent that it was by earth pony fundamentalists. Some say that she was a lesbian because of her hatred of her father, some said it was her hatred for conformity, but only Rainbow Dash knew the true reason, and that reason was Gilda Grimfeathers. In flight school, Dash changed her sexuality because of the pegasi males who were far from capable of appeasing her, and because of her griffon best friend's occasional sexual favors. Gilda remained a straight female for the most part, but Dash would always have her to blame for the fact that she had loved females from the time she was fifteen.
The little experiment with Gilda had changed Dash's life, helping her come to the seeming realization that she loved mares. She was a filly fooler, and had made it known to the whole world after finishing school. She frequently protested the fact that two mares couldn't get married in Equestria, and frequently made a point to stop any self-righteous male from their hatred of lesbians. Dash loved every second of being a fighter for equality, but something just seemed missing in her life.
The crowd at the Canterlot Coliseum was screaming his name after he wiped the sweat from his brow. His microphone dropped to the ground after his last verse, resulting in thunderous cheers. For Sprinkles Wallace, this was just an average day.
Sprinkles was a unicorn of average height known for his jet black coat and orange dreadlocks; but not just any unicorn, he was a unicorn who could rap better than any other pony in the entire Canterlot club scene. His first album had come out a few years earlier… and immediately went platinum. His second album followed suit with even more sales. And now, less than a week after the release of his third album titled "Wallace the Third", Sprinkles just couldn't understand what was missing in his life.
The cutie mark adorning his flank was a flaming microphone. His special talent had always been rap. After Macintastic, Chuck D. Xebrah, and DJ Pon3, he was the most well-known name in the industry. But one pony always remained in his thoughts. She was a pegasus in her mid-thirties whom he had known for years. Her blonde mane and crossed eyes were still always on his mind, and the divorce had nearly killed him. In his dressing room sat a picture of his daughter, Camille Dinky Doo-Wallace, a little grey unicorn who always kept in touch with him. His other daughter, Sparkler, had lost contact years ago, which was something that depressed him greatly.
He sat in his dressing room just staring deeply at the picture of his family back when they were happy, before his fame caused such a huge rift between him and the ones he loved. He was just a janitor with a dream at that time, a pony who wrote down rhymes in between scrubbing toilets for a living. His entourage sat in the back of the room smoking herb as he just sat there, deep in thought.
"Yo, Sprankles!" a massive unicorn called to him from the couch, "getcho ass ova her an smoke dis shit wif us cuz!"
"Hell yeah mah pony," a tiny earth pony concurred, "we gotta have dis here herb an den get us some of dat sweet groupie pussy waitin on tha other side of yo door cuz!"
"Yall can get with groupies without me tonight fa real," Sprinkles sulked, "I need to take a walk an work some shit out."
"Aight cuz, do what you do," the little earth pony chuckled before turning to the massive unicorn, "he aint goin cuz they aint got a single damn pegasus in the bunch!"
"True dat," the unicorn agreed, "he only fucks wit a mare wit wings."
Sprinkles just shook his head and walked out of the room. Fan mares screamed for him as he made his way out of the back door, desperately trying to meet him, to talk to him, to make love to him; yet to Sprinkles this was all blasé. The quiet Canterlot streets glowed in the light of Luna's stars as he walked out of the back entrance. Silence was something Sprinkles hadn't heard in some time, it just left him alone with his thoughts.
Walking along the gem encrusted streets of the richest city in Equestria was still something Sprinkles didn't really enjoy. Fame had only become a burden to him, just a part of his four album contract with Hoof Jam which had paid him handsomely thus far. He was sick of his random groupies (pegasus or not) and sick of the constant hangover his life had become. There was no break, there was no time to relax and just be a normal pony, only time in the studio, time on tour, and time at bullshit parties thrown by the label. Sprinkles used to work to improve himself, now it only seemed he was idly just trying to finish his contract and go home. Perhaps dreams really are only meant for sleep.
He was done, he had had enough. The walk cleared his head and Sprinkles knew what he had to do. He started slowly picking up the pace, then moving faster and faster. There was no way Canterlot would hold him as a captive any longer, Sprinkles was going to be free one way or the other. He reached the train station at the edge of town. "Where the next train goin cuz?" he asked the ticket taker.
"Oh well the last train of the night is leaving for Ponyville in about half an hour," the snooty unicorn in the ticket booth seemed to not care either way, "I would suggest taking first class for… well obvious reasons."
"Shit man I aint got first class bits," Sprinkles lied about his financial situation, "just get me on coach an I'll be good."
"Humph," the other unicorn turned up his nose as he handed Sprinkles the ticket.
"Thanks mane, you just helped me go on to the rest of my life," Sprinkles smiled as he made his way to the platform, his much needed break was going to start now.
"The world of rap has been shocked by the mysterious disappearance of famed artist Sprinkles Wallace," Spike read from his entertainment magazine aloud as he and Twilight made their way through the local bazar, "as of two days ago the unicorn MC has not been seen or heard from by any of his peers. Hoof Jam executives declined to give any comment other than 'local officials have been notified and a missing pony report has been filed'. Do you have any idea what this might mean Twilight?"
"Yeah, it means that you really need to stop reading everything aloud," Twilight continued to walk without even looking at her protégé, "I mean seriously who ever gave a crap about Sprinkles Wallace?"
"Umm a lot of ponies do," a white unicorn with violet dreadlocked mane and a pencil cutie mark claimed as he perused some apples, "in fact I think I seen you before at one of his concerts."
"Do you really think that disguise is fooling anypony?" Twilight asked with a smug grin as she approached the unicorn, "a reverse coloration spell is the simplest disguise in the book."
"Well I guess so, but shit if it aint workin," Sprinkles smiled as he walked over to the purple mare, "how you been cousin?"
"Twilight who is he?" Spike asked as Sprinkles approached the pair.
"Well I guess the disguise did work then," Twilight chuckled, "for whatever reason, my cousin has come to Ponyville, and if I tell you who he is you are not allowed to repeat it to a single soul."
She whispered into Spike's ear that she was related to Sprinkles on her mother's side. Spike's jaw dropped to the ground after hearing the truth. The rap legend was here to stay… for now.
Rainbow Dash lazily napped in a cloud, she was told to fill a certain quota of clouds every day and rarely ever failed even if she spent more time sleeping than working. A 'Ponies' magazine laid open next to her with on the page of a very particular article. She had almost cried when finding out that a month after his disappearance they had presumed Sprinkles Wallace dead. It was one thing for her to have to deal with an annoying blank flank filly constantly bugging her, the stresses of her job, and of course Twilight's loud mouth cousin Bill showing up, but now her favorite rapper was gone and presumed dead.
She needed her sleep, the blissful cloud naps were the only part of her day she truly enjoyed, so when Sprinkles woke her from the nap she was hardly pleased. "What the buck do you want Bill?" She shouted at the unicorn as he sat underneath her.
"I was just goin ta see if yall wana smoke this little jay with me," Sprinkles responded with a smug grin as he pulled the world's largest joint out of nowhere with his magic, "I got dat sticky icky icky Canterlot Chronic if you down."
"Oh my Faust, didn't you just break up with Flutterhshy?" the annoyed Rainbow Dash jumped down from her cloud, "I mean you would seriously just break up with my friend like that and then come by here and try to pick me up? And they wonder why I'm a lesbian!"
"Damn, I just asked if you want to chill but what the fuck ever," Sprinkles grinned as he walked away, "and me an Flutters aint never did shit either!"
"Like I care, either way you just want to take me back to the library to bang like jack rabbits!" Dash insinuated as she pushed her snout up against his, "you males are all just chauvinist pigs!"
"Well, this chauvinist pig has a joint to smoke without you," Sprinkles stated with a smug grin on his face, "last time I checked Fluttershy is free today and she always down."
"YOU KNOW WHAT, FINE!" Dash practically screamed at the stallion, "I'll smoke your stupid joint with you just for the principal of the matter."
"It's like I said Dashie," Sprinkles laughed as he backed away from the angry pegasus, "if you don't, somepony else will."
Rainbow Dash responded with a mighty right hook, knocking Sprinkles to the ground. "Only my friends can call me Dashie… do ya got that?"
Rainbow Dash panted heavily as her lover rolled away and lit another joint. Sweat trickled down her forehead as she slowly recovered from the sheer ecstasy of the moment. She was spending a moment on cloud nine, the bliss slowly fading as she thought about the mare she had just been with. The thought of a mare made her snap back to reality, realizing that the thing which had just been between her legs had not been another female's tongue, but an actual penis.
She shot up at the sudden realization that she was indeed a straight female after all, wondering how Bill had accomplished the impossible in little more than an hour's time. "So was it good for you?" he asked as he passed her the joint.
Dash began to sob. Everything she had known since school had just been flipped on its axis and she was having a very hard time coming to terms with that. She began to feel an intense self-hatred and just turned away from her lover, there had always only been one stallion she had ever even considered making love to, and the magazines all said that he was presumed dead.
"What's wrong?" Sprinkles asked as he tried to gently place his hoof on her shoulder
"I just lost my virginity… to a unicorn… and you aren't even famous or anything," Dash sobbed as she looked at the stallion, "you are just some guy named Bill with a cutie mark that looks like a pencil and the same stupid color scheme as Rarity. Now I will never be able to tell mares that I'm a virgin ever again."
"Like it really matters," Sprinkles laughed, "you and I both know you had fun… just admit it and get ready for round two."
"NO!" Dash shouted as she lept out of the bed, "I like mares you understand… mares! I have been telling everyone that for years, what will they think? I just can't do this!"
"Suit yourself, there's more fish in the sea," Sprinkles frowned as Rainbow Dash left the library's guest bedroom. He felt a connection with the mare that he hadn't felt in years… only to have it stripped away in an instant because of her own stubborn pride. But before he could contemplate his mistakes, he heard Twilight walk into the library and knew there would be hell to pay.
"BILL YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Twilight shouted over a sobbing Rainbow Dash.
The argument continued long after Rainbow Dash left the library. Twilight was more than a little angry with Sprinkles for taking advantage of her hospitality. Everything was settled later over some herb and hot chocolate as Twilight finally calmed down.
"Look cuz, I understand that you felt something or whatever, but Rainbow Dash didn't want that," Twilight explained as she levitated the joint over to her lips and inhaled, letting out a healthy cough with her smoke before she continued, "she's a lesbian and never liked any unicorn before."
"Nah, she liked one unicorn, me," Sprinkles explained as he took the joint back, "she was mad as hell earlier because she thought I was dead. I mean I think I made one of her dreams come true fa real Twi."
"She doesn't know who you are, wasn't that the point of this trip?" Twilight asked, "and besides didn't I tell you that you aren't allowed to have any intercourse in my spare bedroom?"
"Well… yeah… but come on cuz, a stallion has needs!" Sprinkles stated with conviction.
"Spike has never screwed in my house and I've known him since he was an egg," Twilight grinned, "isn't that right Spike?"
"Shut the buck up, I'm trying to jack off up here!" Spike called from the other room, mumbling obscenities as he continued to fap.
"I see how well that's worked out fo yall," Sprinkles snickered at the perturbed look on Twilight's face.
"Look douche, either stop having relations with my friends or I will seriously kick you out," Twilight explained as she rubbed her head with a hoof.
"Well fine then," Sprinkles was being very calm, "but I could use a walk right now."
Sprinkles thought about how far his life had come in such a short time, and was saddened by how badly he had failed as a normal pony. It had come to the point now where he only wanted his old life back, knowing that even if his fans rejected him for the whole fake death charade that he could at least use his fame to maybe try and see Rainbow Dash again. Judging by how angry Twilight had been, his cousin's friendship with the multicolored pegasus was ruined. He made his way through the town square as the sun slowly set, wondering what he should do when he saw her.
Rainbow Dash was leaving the spa with Fluttershy and Rarity, and the pegasus looked more depressed than he had ever seen. She was obviously feeling defeated, and had spent most of the day crying in the park, only to get talked into doing her least favorite thing in the world and emerging twice as depressed afterwards. Sprinkles ran towards her, calling out her name as he made his way through the crowd. Rainbow Dash hid her face behind her hoof, trying to avoid talking to the unicorn when all of a sudden a voice called out from the crowd that didn't belong to either Sprinkles or Rainbow.
"Daddy?" Dinky Doo-Wallace called out from the other side of the street, causing not just Rainbow, but the whole crowd to gasp as the little unicorn made her way towards her well-disguised father. "Oh daddy, I thought you were dead," she began to cry as she hugged her father with every ounce of strength she had, "Why didn't you come see me if you were in Ponyville this whole time?"
"Because sweetie, Daddy's life has been a living nightmare ever since your momma left me," Sprinkles explained as he held back his own tears, "I love you so much Dinky, but your momma aint gonna let me see yuh that easily."
"Can we be a family again?" Dinky's eyes lit up with joy.
"Well I think we can see each other more but…" Sprinkles was cut off by a familiar hoof clobbering his face with an unusual amount of force.
"YOU!" Rainbow Dash screamed as she ruined her hooficure with another nasty punch, "You are the deadbeat bastard who Derpy always complains about?!?!"
"Look Dash it aint what you…" Sprinkles tried to reason as the blue pegasus punched him again.
"It is exactly what I think it is! You are a mareizer, a stallion who treats all females like we're objects! Guys like you are the very reason I became a lesbian in the first place," tears now streamed down Dash's face as she kicked the rap legend while he was down, "I thought I loved you… now I just want to bucking kill you Bill!"
"Stop Rainbow lady!" Dinky screamed, "this aint Bill, my daddy's name is Sprinkles."
"Wait… you… you're… oh Faust… oh Faust… oh Faust…. this can't be happening!" Rainbow Dash backed away from the bleeding legend wondering what she had just done.
"Well it happened," Sprinkles slowly got up and embraced his daughter.
"I… I… I'm so sorry," Dash began to sob some more as she ran away from the bleeding rapper, unsure of what she was feeling.
News of Sprinkles' reappearance shocked Equestria. Within a few days the small sleepy city of Ponyville was swamped with reporters. The library was receiving death threats from angry fans and love letters from overjoyed ones. Princess Celestia even wrote asking to speak with the Canterlot legend about playing the next Grand Galloping Gala; but Sprinkles just didn't care about any of it.
He moped around the library, now no longer in disguise, just waiting to see if he was going to be sued by his record label. The only thing that kept Sprinkles from spiraling into a pit of depression was the daily visits from his daughter Dinky, her warm smile and cute innocent laugh just seemed to make everything ok when he needed it the most. Rainbow Dash remained on his mind.
A whole week passed before a red silk envelope with the Hoofjam logo on it appeared in Twilight's mailbox. Twilight handed the letter to Sprinkles as he got up from sitting and playing with his daughter to open it. Sprinkles slit the top of the envelope open and read aloud, "Mister Wallace, albeit this unauthorized vacation has left you in breach of your contract, the fake death thing you did has actually caused your album to go quadruple platinum in the matter of only a month. Our label has made more money in the last two weeks from your album and merchandise than all of our other artists combined. So instead of a lawsuit, I was thinking about personally taking you out for drinks when you get back to Canterlot. We expect to see you next week, the Princess has inquired regarding you performing at the annual grand galloping gala. Sincerely yours, Russell Stallion."
"That's great news daddy," Dinky hugged her father, "you gonna be back on tour again and they're not gonna sue!"
"Baby, it's terrible news at the same damn time," Sprinkles frowned as he hugged her once more, "my crew misses me but I'm gonna miss you a hell of a lot more. This last month has really helped me get my priorities straight, an as soon as I get back to the studio I'm gonna make a cool little song for you for my next album."
"Yay, now I can be famous too!" Dinky hugged her father, "thank you daddy."
Twilight Sparkle watched for a minute as her cousin and his daughter sat on the floor and discussed song lyrics before making her way up to her bedroom. She opened the door, flopped on the bed, and cracked open "Origin of the Magic" by Flash Darwin, only to see a certain pegasus peaking in the window. "Sweet Faust you scared the crap out of me Dash!" Twilight quietly exclaimed as she pulled her friend in and closed the window, "what the buck are you doing spying on us?"
"I… I don't know," Dash tried to explain, "ever since that day with Sprinkles I just haven't wanted anypony else. Twilight, I have never been so confused before, I actually turned down Lyra and Bonbon when they wanted to take turns on me. I never turn down cunnilingus from those two Twi, but lately all I want is that Faust damned stallion. It's killing me."
"Did you ever think that maybe you're bisexual and not the super mega dike you claim to be," Twilight tried to lighten the mood.
"No, that's just it, I never thought I would ever love a stallion," Rainbow Dash claimed, "but now, I think I need Sprinkles more than an ice cream sundae."
"Gross… but I guess I understand," Twilight sucked up her pride for a moment, "I will help you, but only on one condition."
"Anything," Dash agreed.
"Those sheets you two messed up were nine hundred thread count," Twilight Explained, "and Sprinkles already gave me his half of the payment for the new ones." Rainbow Dash just groaned as she shoveled out the bits.
Sprinkles wrote back to the record company, apologizing to the company president and explaining that he would be back in the studio on Monday. When Monday came, a company limo showed up at the Ponyville library and immediately became encircled by paparazzi. Twilight had to perform a powerful spell to knock out all of the photographer ponies before Sprinkles could come outside. He hugged his daughter one last time and walked out of the giant tree.
"Oh snap cuz it's been too damn long!" Sprinkles' homies made their way out of the company limo led by the tiny loudmouth earth pony, "I swear we look hella crazy, we been a entourage without a damn star to mooch off of dis whole damn time!"
"Yeah, I missed yall too, but don't Hoofjam just pay yall to keep me company?" Sprinkles asked.
"Shit mah pony, we aint been paid in a month yo," the massive unicorn responded, "I aint even smoked no herb in like a hour, dis shit crazy!"
"Well shit, I guess we need to get back to Canterlot," Sprinkles frowned as he walked towards Twilight, "thanks for everythin cuz."
"Yeah, I'm expecting that check in the mail," Twilight grinned, "but don't you have something to do before you leave."
"Nah, I need to get my ass back to Canterlot," Sprinkles chuckled, "but we can hang again soon enough aight?"
"Yeah, that's cool," Twilight smiled as she hugged her cousin, "but there is one pony you should probably see before you leave."
"If you think I'm gonna see Derpy than you got me all kinds of bucked up cuz," Sprinkles laughed.
"I mean Rainbow Dash… are you really that stoned?" Twilight watched as Sprinkles realized what she was talking about.
"Well, I guess I do need ta do one more thing after all then," Sprinkles smiled at his cousin, "check in with Dinky every now and then for me cuz."
Rainbow Dash read her Ponyvibe magazine, the cover story was about none other than Sprinkles and she had to see what it said. It nearly broke her heart when she realized that he had probably already left for Canterlot without her; the Magazine said he was expected to return to the studio to begin work on Wallace the Fourth. Dash had completed her work per usual, but instead of her usual nap she was now doing the most non-awesome thing anypony could think of, wallowing in depression and stuffing her face with assorted chocolates. She had been eating more and more ever since her heart had been broken, and at this point in her life Dash no longer cared if she was cool or lame, skinny or fat, wonderbolt or not.
She briefly paused her binging to rub her swollen gut, less than happy with the results of a week of tons of sweets and minimal exercise. She made a mental note to put down the chocolates, only to feel depressed again and pick the chocolates right back up, cramming more in her mouth as she read the article about Macintastic's collaboration with Lil Charmer. A voice called out to her, a familiar voice that made her check and see if she had actually lost her mind before she looked to see. "Rainbow Dash, I need to talk to you," Sprinkles called up to her, "I don't know if it means a damn thing to yuh but yall was special. I will always remember the day we had and I'm only sorry you don't feel the same."
With that the multicolored pegasus floated down from her cloud and flew herself into Sprinkles for a massive hug. "I thought you left me," Dash explained, "I was so confused, so upset, I still don't know for sure if this is real or not but the way I felt without you is a way I never want to feel again."
"I feel you babe," Sprinkles smiled at the now almost girly Rainbow Dash, "but I swear you put on some weight." Rainbow threw a nasty left hook which connected with the side of Sprinkles head leaving him a little bit dizzy, only to firmly press her lips against his in an embrace they both wished would last forever.
