What Is This “Daycare” Thou Speakest Of?

by Drunk Luna

Rating: teen
Tags: Derpy Hooves, Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, Profanity, Random, Violence, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Main 6, Princess Luna, Comedy
Length: 1090

The Princesses and the Mane Six end up in a human daycare center as the toy versions of themselves.

After the princesses, Derpy, and the Mane Six are all somehow turned into the toy versions of themselves, they end up in a daycare center at the mercy of human toddlers.

Published 2023-04-11 16:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2023-04-11 16:50:01 UTC

What Is This “Daycare” Thou Speakest Of?

Everything smelled like cheap plastic, bleach, apple juice, dirty diapers, and chaos. Pinkie Pie was the first to open her eyes as she and her friends were dumped, rather inconsiderately, into a rectangular rubber tub. Nopony attempted to move, and everypony was silent for about five minutes. Rainbow Dash was the first to speak up.

“Uhh, guys,” the sky blue pegasus said cautiously, “where the fuck are we?” She struggled to push another pony out of the way so that she could climb toward the tiny sliver of light that beckoned from above her head.

“Ow!” Twilight Sparkle yelled. “Who did that?” She glared up at Rainbow Dash, who blushed.

“Sorry, Twi,” the pegasus said sheepishly. “Can somepony try to figure out where we are, though?” She grunted.

“We do not recall falling asleep nor entering the dream realm, so why do We appear to be in a nightmare?” A muffled yet unmistakably regal voice could be heard just to the left of Twilight. “More importantly, why hast somepony shoved their hoof up Our royal posterior? Thy princess commandeth thee to remove thy hoof from Our rear at once, thou depraved clout!”

“You need to stop eating Oreos!” another voice replied. “Your flank is crushing my hooves, Moonbutt!”

“Maybe We wouldst have more room to spread out if thy fat ass had not eaten an entire cake in one sitting.”

"Luna... the voice."

"Oh, right. You know I tend to do that when I get mad, Sister."

“Would both of you shut up? I'm trying to focus!” Twilight cried. She attempted to ignite her horn, but nothing happened. "Shit," she muttered. She climbed toward the light until she could poke her head out of the gigantic pile of ponies in which she and her friends had found themselves. Before she could look around, a giant, fleshy, sticky claw grabbed her by one of her wings and pulled her upward.

"Mine!" a small voice yelled as whoever owned the claw started shaking Twilight violently. The lavender alicorn screamed and tried desperately to escape, but the creature's grip on her only strengthened.

"No, mine!" another creature shrieked, whining.

"Ooooh, Pwincess Woona best pony!" another squealed. Luna's voice suddenly rang out.

"Unhand me, foul beast!" the lunar diarch yelled. "Your princess commands you to put me down this instant! No, no.. NO! You shall NOT chew on my beautiful tail, you uncivilized cur! Cease your foolery at once! If I had my magic, I would strike you down where you stand for disobeying a princess of Equestria! Stop it! No, keep me away from your posterior. Don't you dare... can you even hear me? AAAHHHHHH! WHAT HAVE I DONE TO BE DEALT SUCH A TERRIBLE PUNISHMENT? I mean, granted, there was that one time I tried to unleash eternal night over all of Equestria, BUT THAT WAS ONE TIME! I HAVE SERVED MY SENTENCE! STOP IT! HAVE MERCY!" Luna fell to the floor covered in a foul-smelling brown substance after she was pulled out of a drooping diaper.

"Pwincess Twiwight Spawkle!" a creature, who appeared to be female, screamed at the top of her lungs, shaking Twilight and moving her through the air in a whooshing motion. "Wheeeeee!" she squealed.

"Heelllp meeeeeee!" Twilight screamed at the same time.

"Pwincess Swestiaaaa!" another creature proclaimed, clutching Celestia and moving her around in a swooping motion. "Let's fwy to the castle, Pwincess Swestia. You get to have a tea pawty wif Mistuh Elephant!" she slammed Celestia into a toy chair at a matching table across from a toy elephant.

“Mister Elephant will be banished to the sun if I don’t get to see Equestria in the next twenty-four hours,” the solar diarch grumbled.

"Let's have a pawty, Pinkie Pie," a different creature said, tapping the pink Earth pony across the floor. "Who should we invite?"

"Definitely not you," Pinkie Pie muttered, absolutely hating this new perpetual state of paralysis in which she and everypony else had found themselves.

"Good idea!" the creature said. "I bet Applejack wants to come. It's Wainbow Dash's birfday, so evewypony has ta be dere."

"For the nineteen-trillionth time, it's not my fucking birthday!" the blue Pegasus yelled from a nearby miniature farm. "My birthday isn't for another nine months!"

"Otay, evewypony gets a biiiig slice of cake!" another human foal proclaimed, "but only one, 'cause we don't want you tuh get tummy aches. Swestia, here's your cake!" She put a toy piece of cake on a toy plate and shoved it in Celestia's face. "Mmmmm, yummy," she said, tapping the cake against Celestia's muzzle.

"This is not cake," Celestia said flatly. "It tastes like plastic and depression."

Luna, who was being cleaned off by a human mare, had stopped yelling and accepted her fate. Derpy was being thrown across the room, and Applejack was being stepped on by several human colts.

"Gib Applejack back!" a human filly screamed as the colts jumped up and down on Applejack’s body. Another human mare quickly grabbed Applejack and sent her the colts away.

“Well, I’ll be damned. I’m still alive,” Applejack croaked as she was placed in a plastic bin.

“Unhand me at once, you foul creature!” Rarity cried, sobbing uncontrollably as she was shaken by a human filly. “I am far too pretty to be treated in such an uncouth manner. Don’t you know who I am? I’m warning you, I’ll… OOF!” She was crushed by a passing sneaker. Rainbow Dash was flung across the room.

“MY LITTLE PONY, MY LITTLE PONY! DADADADA, MY LITTLE PONY!” another human filly squealed, moving Twilight and Cadance in swooping motions through the air. My entire existence is a lie, Twilight thought as she was thrown to the other side of the room. She tried to ignite her horn again, gritting her teeth in pain.

“Sister, canst thou figure out a way to free Us from this horrific prison?" Luna yelled. "Sister? Celestia, art thou still alive? CELESTIA? AAAAAAAHHHH!" Luna screamed as she was stepped on yet again.

"I know where we are, Luna!" came Celestia's muffled reply. "We are in a country called 'Daycare' in the world of humans!" Luna narrowed her eyes pensively, and a puzzled expression overtook her face.

"What is this 'daycare' thou speakest of?" she asked. "Why---UGHHH!" Her thoughts were cut off by a small human female, who cuddled her close.

"Muffins!" Derpy cried from an unknown location.

"I wuv you, Pwincess Woona!" the creature declared. Luna gasped for air, then everything went black.