Possibly the most confusing conversation you will ever read.

by Mr Mlp

Rating: everyone
Tags: Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 1171

Prepare for your Brian cells to be melted.

Read the story of a lifetime and experience the existential crisis your brain will exhibit in this journey you will never forget.

Also don't forget to smile for the camera.

(Also also, seriously this thing is meant to be extremely confusing and not make sense at all. Still doesn't mean there's isn't any meaning to this meaningless mess though...)

Published 2023-05-18 02:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2023-05-18 02:10:01 UTC

The Question

Author's Note

Confusing conversations are a part of life and usually it all starts with a question. A pony walks up to another pony on a deserted island and asks one of those questions. The question I have for you... however is... How far are you willing to read?

The Question

"I have a question."

"What's your question?"

"If I'm subtracted from the green grapes of Mt. Everest... what's the gravitational pull and amount of sound of Luna's moon?"

Day 1:

"Hold on let me get my calculator."

"I've been thinking about this for days and I've come up short so many times. Even with my calculator I can't seem to figure it out."

"Well, first you should subtract yourself from the grapes right?"

"Of course! But that grants you red grapes, as we eat green at some point of our lives and that green is taken away from the grapes."

"Then you take in the extra weight of Mt. Everest and... oh."

"See, you've ran into problem number 1. The cheesy market of cheap calculators."

"I can't seem to quintuple the root of you minus green grapes."

"EXACTLY! IT WON'T DO IT!"

"Ok, no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no NO! YES! No. Maybe it's a case of operation of orders. You know, maybe we're not supposed to focus on the grapes yet?"

"Well you see, you definitely can't find the gravitational pull without the grapes part. Sound, though. Say for instance I scream really loudly. That sound will travel to the moon. I eat green grapes, that sound is amplified. Maybe green grapes are a multiplication thing?"

"WAIT! Are there grapes on the moon?"

"I don't know. Should we go check?"

"Nah, I'm visiting the moon for the first time in my life tomorrow with my friends. Princess Luna is taking us there and I don't want to spoil the trip."

"I heard she got new glasses."

"Oh, nice."

"But seriously. Let's think about the moon for a minute."

"Have we ever even seen the moon before? No wait that's a stupid question. We can they can't. HAHA!"

"Yeah. It's about to be night, let's look at the moon, when it turns night."

...

...

...

...

...

"Alright it's night. What do we know about this thing?"

"It's got lost of holes."

"AND THOSE HOLES SHOOT BEAMS TOWARDS MT. EVEREST! YOU GENIUS!"

"I thought the holes only spoke when they were hungry."

"No, that's just on Tuesday. But you are correct. The holes can't shoot beams unless they've been full of juicy cheese burgers for at least a month."

"Hold on, shut up. Kermit the Frog is coming towards us."

"Oh hello guys. Kermit the Frog here-"

Still night of Day 1:

"Oh, um. Like I'm sorry, but like. We are having a VERY important conversation and it would greatly be appreciated if you like... stopped bothering us."

"Ok, fine. Jeez."

"God. Like, what a Hufflepuff."

"Alright. I'm going to list EVERYTHING we know about the moon."

"Go for it."

"So, first. We can see the moon, but they can't. The holes don't shoot lazers yet. A Blood moon would spell the end of our world, or just something bad, The moon has Jeffery the snail inside of it, and everyday it drinks space."

"But what about Mt. Everest?"

"Well Mt. Everest has green grapes, was painted by aliens, and used to be the 19 something something Olympic champ when it was 23."

"Focusing on the aliens, they would decrease the gravitational pull by 15 Cherry-Changas, every time they go down to Mt. Everest and grab their green grapes."

"Dude, nice. We have that figured out"

"No, just a second. If we subtract me then the grapes would be red. Getting RID of the aliens. Therefore, the gravitational pull would increase by 37 Chimmy-Cherries."

"Ahhhh, I see."

"The Aliens also give some of the grapes to Jeffery in the moon. If Jeffery doesn't have his grapes the spin value of the moon decreases and once the spin value decreases the gravitational pull also shifts sideways by 17 bits."

"Dang. You just solved the whole gravitational pull side of the problem. Why did you ask me this question if you had the capability all along?"

"I will smack you."

"SO! wHAT aBoUT ThE vOLUmE- I MEAN SOUND!"

"Hold on, I'm going to leave for a second."

Day 3:

"I'm back."

"Perfect! I've had an epiphany while you were gone."

"Hit me."

"So as you were saying before, the green grapes multiply the sound of your scream. All of our collective voices contribute to the sound of Luna's moon. If we each scream for a long time the sound on the moon would be fantastic sending us benevolent crackers. Red grapes also increase the sound of our voices, but even more than green grapes, which is why aliens don't like the red ones. They're pretty shy, they should get over that. Subtracting you would obviously increase the amount of sound."

...

"Are you stupid."

"When I want to be, yes."

"Gaze upon my one grey horn... Majestic isn't it?"

"Absolutely."

"Now tell me... WHY WOULD YOU THINK RED GRAPES INCREASE THE SOUND IN OUR VOICES! THEY MAKE OUR VOICES GO FLY FLY INTO THE SKY SKY!"

"Well I don't know! Red is the color for big isn't it?!"

"THAT'S MAROON! YOU TAKE THE MOON, THEN YOU TAKE THE MOON, AND BAM THE IRS IS STANDING AT YOUR DOORSTEP!"

"The IRS?!"

"Imma smack you."

...

"Did you just smack me?"

THE FINAL DAY:

"HOW DARE YOU INSULT THE POWER OF MY mIgHT!"

"BECAUSE YOU THOUGHT GRAPES CAME FROM THE SEWERS!"

"I LEVITATED MY GRAPES ONE TIME DURING THE APOCALYPSE AND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME?!"

"EVER SINCE I PAINTED THOSE WALLS, YOU WANTED ME TO FLY!"

"CAN WE PRETEND AIRPLANES IN THE NIGHT SKY CRASH AND BURN KILLLLINNNNGGGGGG MORDECAIIIIII!"

"IT'S VERY SIMPLE! TWO PLUS TWO EQUALS... TWENTY TWO!"

"BUT WHEN YOU TELL ME ALL THESE THINGS I CAN'T GRASP ONTO MY LEG! IT'S SO COLD! PLEASE! IT'S SO COOOOLD!"

"WELL WHEN YOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUU EAT MI BERRIES, I FRANKLY FEEL QUITE A BIT INSULTED! JUST SAYING!"

"STOP ADDING SCREAMS TO THE MOON! YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE IT SICK!"

"I'LL SHOW YOU SICK!"

...

"WHY ARE YOU BEATBOXING?!"

"YOU CAN'T STOP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"WAIT!"

"Yeah, what's going on bro?"

"I figured it out..."

"What?"

"I figured it out. I FIGURED IT OUT! HA HAAAAA! I DID IT! THIS IS IT!"

"HOLY FRICK! KEEP GOING TELL ME!"

"THIS IS GOING TO SOLVE EVERYTHING! THIS WILL SOLVE WORLD HUNGER! THIS WILL SOLVES GLOBAL WARMING! THIS WILL SOLVE THE STUPID VENDING MACHINE PROBLEM WHERE YOU DON'T GET THOSE CRUNCH BARS AND HAVE TO BANG ON THE THING FOR AN HOUR!"

"We don't have vending machines in this."

"IT DOESN'T MATTER! THE ANSWER TO THE QUESTION YOU HAVE ASKED SO LONG AGO-" cough

"IT'S-"