A Weekend In Canterlot

Chapters

Canterlot Bound
Wine of the Goddesses
Oh my Gosh, Oh my Gosh, Oh my Gosh
Barstool Musical

Canterlot Bound

“Come now Rainbow Dash, it worked for myself and Applejack, as well you and Pinkie Pie.” Rarity had a point, but was spending the weekend in Canterlot together really a good idea? Then again, they were both going anyway. The Wonderbolts would be performing and Rarity had a spa day planned for her and Fleur de Lis. Rarity had already cleared her schedule and it wasn’t like the Wonderbolts would just say ‘Oh, you don’t want to feel awkward sharing a suite at the castle with your friend? We’ll just perform a different day then.’ Rainbow hated it, but she had to agree. After all, it’s only a weekend, what’s the worst that could happen?

Rarity still couldn’t believe that her plan was working without a hitch. She knew if she simply spent some time with Rainbow Dash, they would warm up to each other, but she didn’t expect Rainbow to be this easy to convince. Dash was usually the most stubborn of the six, which was impressive when both Rarity and Applejack were included in that group, but she had gone along with Rarity’s idea so far. They were already saying goodbye to their friends at the train station. Unfortunately, due to both ponies leaving, the six friends were split in half. Twilight Sparkle and Fluttershy were seeing Rarity off, and Applejack and Pinkie Pie were giving Rainbow Dash a few last shots of cider before she left. Though she would never admit it, Rarity already had an entire suitcase full of the stuff. After all, no pony would feel the need to check a suitcase that was being carried by one of the elements of harmony.

Train rides are extremely boring for pegasi. They’re used to flying high at several hundred miles per hour, and a train just can’t give you that. At least Rarity thought ahead and brought stuff to do in her carry on. All Dash brought were clothes, cash, and her tickets to the Wonderbolts. In hindsight, it was incredible luck that Rarity had asked to come with. Rainbow knew she couldn’t choose between Pinkie and Scoots when it came to a partner at the Wonderbolts. Now she had a good excuse for not picking them. On top of that, Rarity said she would have them upgraded to skybox seats. That was the thing about Rarity, she always knew how to exploit being an element. Even if that wouldn’t get her something directly, she would just make the right connection, usually using the element to get her there, and boom, she had whatever she wanted. Dash didn’t really think about it like that. It’s a job to her. You don’t get skybox tickets just by doing your job. Dash still thought Rarity’s special talent was more making friends than it was finding shiny rocks.

It was around the third game of Monopoly that Rarity decided it was time to stop. As much as she enjoyed being able to finish a game of monopoly against somepony besides Twilight, doing the same thing over and over was starting to get on her nerves. As such, Rarity excused herself and went to the dining car. She knew Dash would be hungry by then too, so she simply ordered two meals. Hopefully, Rainbow Dash would like manicotti. If not, more for Rarity. When Rarity got back to their private car with a cart loaded with pasta and salad, Rainbow was certainly surprised. Fortunately, Rarity had guessed correctly about the manicotti. In fact, Rainbow ended up scarfing down her salad just so she could have more room on her plate for seconds. After dinner, it was Rarity’s turn to be surprised by food, as Rainbow brought in two plates filled with a tower of every kind of cookie, cake, ice cream, and any other dessert it took to make the most regal unicorn on the train drool in anticipation. It was right then and there that Rarity decided to thank Pinkie Pie personally for teaching Rainbow Dash the finer points of desserts.

It was horrible. No, it was worse than horrible, it was evil. Rainbow was actually banging her head against a pole just thinking about what she would have to do. If only they had seen it before. If only they had realized the train would show up in Canterlot late on Friday night. Then they wouldn’t have told Celestia they’d be staying for Saturday and Sunday. Then they wouldn’t have to call Vinyl. Now, Rainbow Dash and Vinyl Scratch were good friends, and having to stay at Vinyl’s house shouldn’t have been a problem. Except that, being good friends, this meant that Rainbow would owe Vinyl. Next time Vinyl called asking if there were any gigs in Ponyville, Rainbow would have to tell her the truth. That there’s always a party in Ponyville. She would have to put Pinkie Pie and Vinyl Scratch in a room together, and she’d have to go. On top of that, she was pretty sure her new roommate had heard her cursing about it.

Vinyl Scratch. That name certainly brought back memories. The failed fashion show, Hoity Toity, the wedding, all of them had one thing in common. Now, Rarity was standing in front of that thing’s house waiting for her to answer Rainbow’s knocking. Fortunately, Vinyl Scratch was out, and her housemate answered the door. Ms. Octavia seemed rather surprised that Rainbow Dash and Rarity were at her door. Thought Rarity couldn’t hear her exactly, she was only barely awake, she muttered something about Vinyl Scratch turning their house into a freeloader paradise. Fortunately, she let them in and pointed us towards a guest room. While she prepared a cup of coffee so as to find out who her new guests were, Rainbow started getting the bed set. Much to Rarity’s shock, Dash was putting everything away very neatly, and had made the bed. When Rarity asked about this, her only answer was, “I need something to do while Octy’s getting ready.” Rarity decided to get to work on her own luggage before Rainbow Dash could.

When Octy was finally done with her coffee, she and Rarity started chatting in the kitchen. Rainbow was hungry again, so she started sifting through Vinyl’s pantry. She decided to have the Luna Charms because that was the only thing she knew for certain wasn’t Octy’s. As such, she didn’t catch the first few minutes of her friends’ conversation. By the time Rainbow sat down, Rarity had already promised Octy a gig at one of the town meetings to make up for them barging in. She had also explained what was going on and why Dash had already moved all of her dresses into the closet. Octy seemed oddly okay with all of it. Then Vinyl walked in. At first she did the same thing Rainbow did. Said hi to Octy, grabbed a bowl of cereal, and sat down. It took her a minute or two to fully realize who was sitting next to her. The look on her face was somewhere between evil and hilarious. As such, the table had a fairly mixed reaction to it. Both Rarity and Octy started giggling, but Rainbow just sat there. She knew what that face meant, and it wasn’t good. Granted, Rainbow loved it when she made that face at Octy or Derpy, but this was different. This time, it was Rainbow who would end up paying for having to get help from the only mare in Canterlot that could be compared to Pinkie Pie.

As far as Rarity could tell, what could have been a disaster had been averted. Octavia and Vinyl Scratch were kind enough to agree to the two unfortunate ponies sleeping the night. Granted, Rainbow was convinced that Vinyl Scratch would make her pay dearly, but sacrifices must be made sometimes. In addition, Rarity had found a new friend in Octavia. Rarity would have to make sure to contact Octavia again the next time she was in Canterlot. The actual sleeping however, proved to be difficult. Rainbow Dash couldn’t sleep and decided that this was a misfortune that needed to be shared. Even worse, she was too lazy to go talk to Vinyl Scratch, who was still in the kitchen tuning a guitar. When Vinyl was finished though, it only took a few minutes for Rainbow to fall asleep. The DJ was playing such beautiful music that Rarity actually made an effort to keep herself awake so as not to miss any. When Vinyl Scratch finally went to sleep, Rarity did as well.

By 2:00, Rainbow knew Rarity and Octy were asleep. She got up and went into the kitchen. Waiting for her was Vinyl Scratch.

“Hey Dash, what do you need?”

“Just someone to talk to, Scratch.”

“I’m your mare. Rarity seems nice.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“You guess? Rainbow, she and Tavi are practically the same pony.”

“Yeah, but she’s so stuck up all the time, and she always needs to be all fancy about stuff.”

“Okay. Why’re you two together?”

“It’s a long story.”

“Rainbow, we’re talking at two in the morning. There are very few constraints here.”

“Fine. Rarity and I don’t get along very well. I usually like to hang out with Applejack or Pinkie. But, we’re sorta supposed to be best friends. Kinda. Y’know, cause we’re both elements of harmony. So, she and Applejack used to be the same way. Then the two of them hung out a little, and they’re much better friends. Rarity thinks the same thing’s gonna work for the two of us.”

“But…?”

“Scratch, you’ve met her. More importantly, you’ve met me. I mean, how long did it take for you and Octy to get to be friends like you are now?”

“Wow, a couple months I guess. But, I don’t think Rarity wants to move in with you after the weekend is over. She just wants to get along with you.”

“Alright, but I still don’t know if it’ll work. And Scratch, thanks for the music.”

Wine of the Goddesses

It must have been around three in the morning when Vinyl’s alarm clock went off. Dash groaned and threw a pillow at it. Unfortunately, she didn’t account for the fact that Rarity was next to her, so Dash’s aim was a bit off.
“Ahh! Dash, what was that for?”
“Sorry Rarity, I was aiming at the clock.”
“Do you usually start the morning by attacking your clock with fluffy objects?”
Dash groaned again and sat up. When she actually looked at the clock, she saw that it wasn’t three. In fact, it was almost noon already. “Dear Celestia, did we really sleep that late? I barely have time to brush my mane before lunch!” Rarity was right. They didn’t have much time to get ready. Fortunately, Dash’s getting ready usually consisted of flying through a cloud and calling it a shower. So, rather than deal with either white unicorn in the house, Rainbow flew out the window so she could “bathe.”

Once Dash left, Rarity breathed a sigh of relief. She could never let Dash, or any of her friends for that matter, know that her morning routine was just bathing then casting a spell to fix her hair. After all, when you do the same thing with your hair for years, you develop short cuts. However, Rarity still wasn’t happy she would have to cut her bath short a bit if she wanted to thank her hosts over lunch. As such, she was forced to take a quick bath and dry off with magic. When she came out of the bath and walked into the kitchen, Vinyl and Rainbow Dash were already eating. Octavia was cooking what looked like grilled cheese.
“Hey Rarity, that was quicker than I thought it would be. We were afraid you wouldn’t show.”
“Good morning. Barely morning, but still good. Would you like a sandwich?”
“Oh yes, I’m absolutely famished.”

For Rainbow, lunch at Vinyl’s was… different. Octy’s food wasn’t any better than normal. Rarity was still fussy. Vinyl snuck chocolate sauce into her sandwich when nopony was looking. All in all, considering who Rainbow was eating with, everything was going fine. That was the problem. She had brought together the most stuck up prima donna she knew and a party girl to rival Pinkie Pie, and they were getting along. Maybe this would work out. As long as they kept talking about how “divine” Sweetie Belle’s singing was, Rainbow might get out of this without any problems.
“Oh yeah, that reminds me, Dash I wanted to ask you something.”
There went that idea.
“Since you don’t really come by often, I called up Berry so we could go out to that one bar you liked.”
This was even worse. Rarity wouldn’t last ten seconds in the Creaky Cellar. She was too dainty, too high class, too…
“That’s a wonderful idea Vinyl.”
It was then that Rainbow Dash simply slumped back in her chair and stared for the remainder of the conversation. Rarity, the mare who had a personal vendetta against dirt, who hated anything that might muss her mane, wanted to go to a bar. Not only that, Octavia was saying she wanted to go to. In the space of the next twenty minutes, the three mares had decided everything they needed to know about when and how they would get to the bar.
“And Dash, since you’re coming, we’ll call it even for staying here tonight.”
The day kept getting worse. Now she was planning something. Not just any something, something diabolical. And unfortunately for Dash, unicorns are very good at diabolical.

The day kept getting better! After their splendid lunch with Vinyl Scratch and Octavia, Rarity and Rainbow Dash were going to meet with Princess Celestia. Rarity spent the first half hour after they found out picking what to wear. She ended up wearing a lacy saddle with three large sapphires on the sides. It was a first model she had made for Sapphire Shores one day that needed heavy revisions to fit the star’s personal tastes. For Rarity however, it was a delightful mix of delicate, intricate, and fabulous. Shining Armor himself escorted them from the gate to the throne room. Once they stepped inside, Shining Armor returned to his post. Rainbow pushed open the door, and the two mares walked into the throne room.

The Princess is awesome. By now, this was a fact that Dash had come to accept. She wasn’t the hoity toity noble that everypony expected. She was mellow, and wanted to hang out with Twilight more than she wanted to have a tea party. However, even Dash didn’t expect what she had set up for them. In the middle of the throne room was a small table set up with three chairs. There were a few wine glasses on the table, but that was all. Rarity nearly fainted when she saw that, and it was hilarious. She had a look that was a mix of total horror and wall eyed shock. The Princess was just sitting at the table, sipping at the wine.
“Hello girls. Go ahead and take a seat. What brings you to Canterlot?”
“Well, Rarity has a few friends here, and she wanted me to tag along for some kind of bonding thing.”
“Really? Well, that sounds very interesting. Have you learned anything so far?”
“I learned that Rarity’s head doesn’t deflect pillows.”
“You’re the one who threw it at my head!”
“Well, you’ve had an interesting morning. Do you have any plans for the weekend?”
So, the two mares talked about their plans. Rainbow talked for a good twenty minutes about how they were going to the Wonderbolts and how Rarity bribed her into coming with an upgrade to seats in the skybox. Then they talked about going out to the bar with Rainbow’s friends, which was interrupted frequently by Rainbow commenting on how she thought Vinyl was up to something. Finally, Rarity talked about plans she had made for the weekend that Dash didn’t know about. It wasn’t anything sneaky or something Rainbow didn’t want to do, but it still bugged her that she didn’t know. She had a spa date with Fleur de Lis on Sunday. After they had finished talking about plans, it got pretty boring. It was all “How are Twilight and Spike?” or “Is Sweetie Belle doing well?” and all the other boring stuff you can talk to any pony about. Then again, that almost made the Princess cooler.

Aside from the peculiarity of how the Princess decided to greet Rainbow and Rarity, the meeting went very well. Rarity always enjoyed talking to the Princess, and Rainbow seemed to as well. It was interesting to see her as a medium between them. Somepony who understood all the regal and classy aspects of life, while also understanding a need to have fun and goof around on occasion. On top of that, she had excellent taste in wine. The stuff was fantastic. Had Rarity not been concerned about being in the presence of royalty, she would have had most of the bottle. Instead, she kept an eye on the bottle and made sure she had exactly a third. While few ponies would think to attribute an eye for detail to things such as alcohol, it still came in handy. The only hitch was when Rarity talked about her spa date with Fleur. Rainbow seemed genuinely surprised to hear about it. Rarity thought she had said something about it on the train. Fortunately, Rainbow didn’t argue against it, or even against going. By the time they left the Princess, both mares were happy and mildly confused at the same time. As they started heading towards the Wonderbolts’ racetrack, the two mares were looking forward to the rest of the afternoon.

Oh my Gosh, Oh my Gosh, Oh my Gosh

Finally, it was time. After waiting for so long, Dash was heading to the Wonderbolts’ show. Once again, she could see them soar through the air, turning and twisting along the track. Even better, Spitfire was going head to head with Surprise! Those two ripped up the track like nopony else. Watching either of them was spectacular. Watching both of them was like having an epiphany. And now, she would have skybox seats! This whole “going to Canterlot with Rarity” thing might just have been a good idea.

The Wonderbolts were starting soon, and Rarity finally had everything she needed. Salad, milkshake, souvenir Fleetfoot bobble-head, she even got Rainbow Dash a tray of nachos. All she had to do was get over to the skybox and make sure Rainbow hadn’t gotten kicked out. Fortunately, Dash was too busy talking to the pegasus in the seat next to her. Rarity squinted for a moment. Was that Fire Streak? Apparently, Rarity had gotten better seats than she thought. As Rarity sat down, Soarin walked out to announce the beginning of the show.

“Mares and Gentlecolts! As I’m sure you know, I am Soarin, fastest stallion in Equestria. Much as I’d like to go on talking about myself, we have a show to get to. Is everypony ready?”

The entire stadium erupted in cheer. Rainbow Dash was practically jumping out of her seat. Unfortunately for her, Rarity had taken a page from Applejack’s book and was biting down on Dash’s tail. Oh well, at least the show was starting. The first set of Wonderbolts were already lining up at the starting line. Wave Chill, Silver Lining, Rapidfire, and of course Surprise were all hovering in the air and waiting. A flare came out, signaling the beginning. Right off the bat, Surprise rocketed forward, leaving yellow and purple streaks behind her. The other pegasi shot after her, Rapidfire was already gaining. Silver Lining and Wave Chill were barely able to keep pace, but Rapidfire and Surprise were racing at breakneck speeds. They were rounding bends faster than the other two racers could register it. They were just blurs now, speeding along the track like Derpy on muffin day. After the fourth lap, Rapidfire started to lag. Dash should have known. Rapidfire was built for short bursts of speed, while Surprise was built to maintain her quick propulsion. Of course, she tended to coast against the walls, but she bounced back. After another few laps, Surprise was yards ahead of Rapidfire, and Silver Lining and Wave Chill didn’t have a ghost of a chance.

“And our first winner is Surprise! Congratulations Surprise, and good luck for the rest of the day. As for the rest of you, nice try, hope you have better luck with some of the other races. Now, since I have to get ready for the next race, I’m gonna hand this over to our newest winner to announce for me.”

“Really? Yippee! Alright everypony, let’s get this party started! Time to see if Soarin can prep quickly enough to have a chance against Spitfire! You only have a few minutes to place your bets, so hurry and… I’ve just been informed I’m not supposed to say that. Oops. Forget I said anything. Oh hey Manerick, what are you-“

“Good evening everypony. I regret to inform you that Surprise will be incapable of continuing the job of announcing. Instead, I will. We will begin in just a moment, so please get refreshments while you can. Thank you.”

Rarity couldn’t help but feel that Surprise reminded her of somepony. She’d have to think about it later, the next race was starting. The four racers were at the starting line already. Spitfire, Soarin, Misty Fly, and High Winds were all floating in place. Each one looked incredibly determined. The flare went off, and so did the racers. Spitfire was like a bullet out of a gun, going so fast she nearly crashed into the wall. High Winds and Soarin were powerful, but weren’t as quick to accelerate. Last, Misty Fly seemed to be hanging back just a bit and watching. She was too close to Soarin and High Winds to fall behind, but too far back to be neck-and-neck. Just then, Spitfire let loose her trademark trail of flames, causing Soarin and Misty Fly to lurch out of the way. High Winds just flew straight into the trail. Rarity’s eye was drawn to Spitfire, who was already halfway through the first lap. She was going so quickly that she was actually touching the cloud walls most of the time. She kept a rigid form that allowed her to move fluidly. Soarin was gaining on her quickly. His form was unlike any pegasus Rarity had seen. He actually moved his legs as if he were jogging, which seemed to be more for show than for any benefit. High Winds emerged from the fire trail, creating a large, orange explosion. Her movements were rapid and unpredictable, utterly confusing Misty Fly. Misty looked totally out of place among the quick and strong flyers around her. She flew through every curve with grace and fluidity, allowing her to maintain her speed. With this tactic, she was able to catch up to High Winds after a few minutes. It became apparent that neither of these two were trying to beat Spitfire and Soarin. As terrible as it sounded, they viewed it as a lost cause. Instead, they were simply trying to outdo each other. Near the end of the race, High Winds pulled to the left quickly, but Misty Fly was able to dodge. This sent High Winds head first into the cloud barrier. By then, Spitfire was already across the finish line, followed soon after by Soarin. This set Misty Fly at third place for sure, allowing the mare to start showing off. She corkscrewed through the air and made tight loops, all while maintaining her elegant form.

“So Rarity, what do you think of the Wonderbolts?”

“Hmm? Oh, they’re lovely Rainbow Dash. I never expected there were so many ways to fly around in circles.”

“Yeah, of course mine’s the best. It’s a shame there’re only six more races huh?”

“Wait, six? Rainbow how long does this event last?”

“Not nearly long enough. Rares, if you’re worried about being late to meet up with Vinyl and Octy, you shouldn’t be. Just relax and watch Spitfire tear up the track.”

“Alright everypony, your favorite dashingly handsome announcer is back! I hope you took advantage of that little break, because you won’t get another for a few more races. So, good luck to our racers, and let’s go!”

The next set was lined up. Surprise and Silver Lining were back, along with Blaze and Fleetfoot. The flare went off and only Silver lining was hanging behind. The other three were hurtling through the lanes, corkscrewing and twisting around each other. Within a minute, they had become a big blur of motion. This was what really made the Wonderbolts. They’re fast, they’re awesome, and they work together well enough that not even Fleetfoot, the smallest member, was ever knocked around during all that quick flying. The only thing that let anypony know that there were actually three pegasi in that clump of speed was the three different trails left behind. One was thick purple, one was whiter than Rarity, and the other was burning orange. Even the trails were incredibly close, the white and purple bleeding together to… heh, it looked like Rarity. Rainbow snickered at the fact. She looked over to see if Rarity had any reaction to it. Instead, the unicorn was watching intently. Her eyes were practically spinning trying to stay on the speeding racers. Dash was shocked that Rarity was paying attention to something like this. She was sure her companion would be too busy chatting with the other ponies in the skybox to actually watch the race. Rainbow was pulled back to the race as Soarin started shouting again.

“Woohoo! That’s what I’m talking about! Photo finish ending, good job you guys. And don’t worry Silver Lining, I don’t think I would have been able to keep up with them either. Looks like Spitfire needs to keep an eye on you three though, you’ll give her a run for captain. Hang on, yeah, they just got the results in, and the ranks are: Surprise, Fleetfoot, Blaze, and then Silver Lining. Congrats everypony!”

The next few races went by quickly. Finally, it was time for the final race. Four racers, the four fastest Wonderbolts, were standing at the starting line. First was Spitfire, who looked more determined than the other three combined. Her expression was similar to that of Applejack before Zap Apple harvest. To her left was Surprise, who was waving at practically everypony she could see. Next to her was Lightning Streak. He looked absolutely terrified to be racing against the three mares next to him. Finally, next to Lightning Streak, was Fleetfoot. She had been just behind Surprise and Spitfire so far, but hadn’t managed to win when either of them was racing.

“Alright everypony, this is it. The last race, the final exam, the ultimate fight of ultimate destiny, the-“

“Soarin! Get on with it, we don’t have all night!”

“Fine. Ladies and Gentlecolts, at Spitfire’s insistence, let’s get on with it!”

The second the flare was out, all four racers were flying down the track. They were evenly matched so far, no one pony falling too far behind. Spitfire was like a bullet, staying as still as possible except her wings. Surprise was spiraling and flipping, which cost her a bit of speed, but she was able to ricochet off a wall and catch back up. Lightning Streak was trying his hardest to get in the lead, and was very nearly succeeding. However, he wore himself out quickly, and fell a bit behind. Fleetfoot was swaying back and forth. She looked like she was just waiting for an opening. Unfortunately, none were existent. The racers all sped up, becoming more like waves of color than anything else. Lightning Streak fell back again quickly. He had overcompensated, and ran out of breath. As she watched the three mares speeding along the track, Rarity was amazed. The trails behind the pegasi were brilliant, spiraling and turning, each a beautiful color and each fitting with each other fantastically. She never thought that orange, white, and purple would work together, but the interweaving trails looked remarkable. Near the end of the race, Spitfire and Surprise were in the lead by a bit. They were rounding the last few corners, the finish line just inches away. Suddenly, a white streak shot between them, knocking Spitfire and Surprise into the walls.

The entire stadium was silent. Well, the entire stadium except for one mare. As soon as Fleetfoot crossed the finish line, Rarity jumped up and started cheering. After a few seconds, she realized she was the only one and sat back down. Dash was hiding her head in her hooves. Maybe the Wonderbolts would think they weren’t here together. Yeah, maybe she could convince everypony she came alone.

“The winner… is Fleetfoot. I… I didn’t see that coming. And it was Awesome!”

The stadium erupted into applause. Alright, now they were just intentionally messing with Rarity. First she’s the only one to cheer and then everypony cheers? Clearly, she still didn’t understand sports.

“Thanks Soarin. Now, I’ll try to make this short so you can all come down and get autographs. First, I’m sorry for all of you who came here to see Surprise and Spitfire race each other. I guess I messed that up a little. Second, to Spitfire and Surprise, I’ll make it up to you at the after party. Third, this is a team thing. I don’t want any of you to think of any of us as the star. We work together and that’s why we work at all. If you take one thing from my win here, it should be that my team helped me so much I was able to do this. Now, I’ll hand this back to Soarin so he can keep go back to yammering about himself.”

The next few minutes were almost as confusing as Pinkie Pie. Almost. Still, it was awesome. After the skybox had mostly cleared out, Fire Streak asked Rarity to stick around for a while. She didn’t know what was going on, but Dash did. She had heard about this kind of thing before. If one of the fans, usually a little foal, is different in some important way, like if they’re really sick or they’re just really cute or something, sometimes a Wonderbolt that is around will try to get them something special. Usually it’s an autographed poster, or a set of goggles, but sometimes it’s even cooler. Sure enough, after a few minutes, after the skybox was empty except for Dash and Rarity, Fire Streak came back in. Behind him was Fleetfoot herself.

“So, you’re the mare that jumped up first huh?”

“I, um, yes that was me.”

“Cool. I take it you were a bit less surprised that I won then the others?”

“Oh of course! I’ve seen you race before, it’s magnificent.”

“You hear that Streaks? I’m magnificent. So, I just wanted to come up and say thanks. It means a lot to know I have fans like you.”

“Thank you, that’s very kind.”

“And you must be Rainbow. Fire Streaks said you’re a big a big fan too.”

“Yes! Huge! I love you guys!”

“Awesome. Why don’t we get a picture and head down to the autograph booths?”

Well, that went even better than Rarity thought it would. Not only did Fleetfoot win, she came up and talked to Rarity. Even better, Rarity got a poster sized picture of Fleetfoot crossing the finish line. After some chatting with Lightning Streak and Mist Fly, during which Rainbow Dash mostly spoke in single syllable words, the two mares headed off to the bar to meet up with Octavia and Vinyl Scratch.

Barstool Musical

Ah, the Shady Trough. The hottest hotspot in Canterlot’s dark side. A place so great that Luna’s entire guard hangs out there. More importantly, it was the favorite bar of Canterlot’s premiere DJ and Equestria’s fastest flyer. Of course, the court was still out on whether or not the bass player and diva that were accompanying the DJ and flyer would like the place. The bar was mostly empty that night. There were a few groups of night guards, but that was it. So, Dash, Vinyl, Rarity, and Octavia walked up to the bar to order.

“Hey girls, long time no see.” The mauve bartender said as she trotted up to the table.

“Hey Berry. And you’re right, Dash really needs to come up here more often.” Vinyl said.

“I come up here often enough.” Dash said.

“Yeah sure. Anyway Vinyl, I’ll go get the karaoke stage set up for you.” Berry replied.

“Oh great, you get to show off some more.”

“Glad I’m not the only one who has to put up with it this time.” Octavia said.

“Oh quiet you two. You could both join me if you wanted.”

“Sing? Oh, no, that’s good. I’m good.”

“Aw, is Wainbow Dash scawed of a wittle singing?”

“Hey, I’m not afraid of anything!”

“Prove it.”

“As a friend of mine once said, is that a challenge?”

“As I wish friends of mine would say, it’s rap battle time.”

With that, Vinyl Scratch walked off to help Berry Punch set up her stage. Rainbow Dash sat silently for a full five minutes before going over to the bar to get a beer. Apparently, she prefers to drown her sorrows preemptively. After a round or eight of ciders, Vinyl Scratch came back and told the mares the stage was ready.

“Ladies and gentlecolts, we have a special treat for you tonight. In this corner, coming all the way from down the street, the mistress of music, the princess of pop, the radio host with the most, Vinyl Scratch! And in this corner, the Cloudsdale queen, the weather pony winner, the Element of freakin’ Loyalty, Rainbow Dash!” Both ponies were met with a bit of applause, but the small crowd didn’t generate much.

“Alright, everypony knows the rules right?”

“Yeah yeah, keep it PG. Buzzkill.”

“That’s right. Now, get ready! Get set! Rap!”

“You know Dashie, you’re still brand new.
Considering that, I’ll go easy on you.”

“Imma let you finish, but it might take a while.
Just gimme a minute to rid you of that cocky smile.
See, I’m the best there is, yeah the top class pony.
Let’s cut it right here, just give the win to me.”

“You say I’m cocky? Look who’s talking!
The mare who always flies cause she’s too dumb to be walking.
You think you’re top class? I’m the pop culture elite!
Compared to me, Celestia is just ‘pretty neat.’
I got the job, the skills, the bits in the bank.
Only green back you got is the one on Tank.”

“You don’t scare me DJ, to me you’re just a zero.
Don’t forget which one of us is Equestria’s hero.
I saved the world more times than I should have to.
And I know for sure it’s been more times than you.”

“No, you’re right, I haven’t saved the world.
I only drop the sickest beats anypony’s ever heard.
I get paid to run my mouth and mess around with dear old Octy.”

“Scratch, you know these rhymes have been getting kind of sloppy.
Looks like the princess of pop is losing her touch.
Then again, we all know you didn’t start with very much.
I’m a champion of the world, you’re just a wannabe with a music room.
You’re not worth the effort of a Sonic Rainboom!”

“See, there you go, I told you you’re just new.
You finished too early, don’t deny it. It’s true.
With all the setup and the hype, you’ve gotta be stopping.
That means all I gotta do is take your rhymes and top ‘em.
You say you’re champion the world but your special talent is a fluke.
You’re no Wonderbolt material, and really not a Rain-nuke.
Face it Dash, everything about you is just silly.
Your entire fandom is just one little filly!”

A low applause came out from the audience as Vinyl grinned proudly. Berry Punch walked onstage next to them.

“Well, that was interesting. So folks, who won? Rainbow Dash?” Rarity and another two or three ponies clapped, “or Vinyl Scratch?” The entire rest of the bar applauded.

“Sorry Dash, looks like Vinyl is still the musical one.” Berry said.

“What a shock, the mare with a music note for a cutie mark beat the stunt flyer. I didn’t see that coming at all.” Vinyl said in an overly sarcastic manner. She noticed Dash was looking at something. Turning her head, Vinyl saw that Octavia and Rarity were walking onto the stage. Vinyl and Dash sat down.

“Whether this is great or goes down in fiery failure, it should be pretty cool to watch.” Dash concluded.

“Alright everypony, it seems two more challengers have come to the stand. Over here, we have the fantastic fashionista, the Element of Generosity, the crazy awesome cat lady, Rarity! And over here we have… um… sorry Octy, you really don’t have anything I can work with. I mean, cello, really?” Berry Punch said.

“Oh give me that. Ahem, good evening everypony, we hope we don’t bore.
Though I’m sure my opponent’s rhymes will make you want to snore.
We thought we’d join the fun now that Vinyl’s the winner.
Of course, with all her talk, I still paid for dinner.”

“Did you forget who you’re battling? Cut poor Vinyl some slack.
Not many mares can handle your way of driving from the back.
You’re manipulative and cold, and your art style is dull.
The reason you’re here with us is your dating chances are null.”

“And you call me cold? Well that’s a shock.
And my art form isn’t nearly as dull as your frocks.
I make music that soothes the mind and heightens romance.
All you do is make mares insecure about their pants.
Your shop is destined to fail, along with the other ‘Big and Talls.’
Not even you ever wear any clothes at all.”

“Unlike you, my physique is worth showing off.
And I’ve seen your clothes, you’re better off nude than wearing that old dish cloth.
Your fashion is appalling and your bowtie is just droll.
Your music form is less appealing than a model with a mole.”

“Yes, moles, because Ms. Maneroe’s career is in the trash bin.
Is that what you believe in that fantasy world you live in?
I heard designers were out there, but I didn’t realize it went this far.
On top of that, your rhymes are about as slow as tar.”

“Tar, is it? I’m sure that’s what you think.
But face it I can have this crowd, all I have to do is wink.
I’m a gorgeous mare singing right before their eyes.
Everything I ever do is only made to tantalize.
You, however, are staunch and stuffy and weak.
No wonder you went off to play with the other band geeks.
I think this battle’s done, you’ve been properly schooled.
I don’t have much more patience for dealing with you, you fool.”

A buzz of applause rang through the bar as Berry Punch once again took the stage.

“Wasn’t that… Chief! Chief of cello. I should’ve said that. Yeah… Anyway, wasn’t that great everypony? Now, who won? Octavia?” Vinyl Scratch made a ridiculous ruckus, and a few other ponies clapped, “or Rarity?” Rainbow Dash, this time, made a lot of noise as other ponies clapped. Unfortunately for a certain Earth Pony musician, more clapped with Dash than with Vinyl.

“Well done Rarity. A commendable performance.” Octavia said.

“Oh, you flatter me. It was all you, truly. I’m surprised I won. I suppose aggressiveness is the key to victory.” Rarity said.

“Well, your next opponent is Vinyl, so it sounds like you need to step it up to match her on aggressiveness.” Berry Punch said as the second white unicorn took the stage. Octavia went to the table to join Dash in deciding whether or not Rarity and Vinyl were twins separated at birth.

“So, it comes down to this. Are you two ready?” Berry Punch asked. Rarity and Vinyl nodded, “Well then, begin!”

“Yo everypony! Vinyl Scratch represent!
Kicking Ms. Fashionista’s tail is like an early birthday present.
I know you’re high class, so I don’t wanna sound rude,
but everypony else agrees that you’ve got a major tude.
And while you beat Octavia, your rhymes still stank.
Then again, what’d I expect from the mare with a rod up her flank?”

“Yes, thank you Scratch, that made it wonderfully clear.
I’m the obvious winner of the battle here.
In your first lines, you’ve already sunk fairly low.
The only thing lower is your record sales, you know.
You insult my personality, and say I have an attitude.
However, your insults are only immature and crude.
If I wanted to hear basic slurs, I’d go to my sister’s school.
At least I wouldn’t see you there, you dropout little fool.”

“Congratulations Rares. Really, way to go.
Now I’m not the only one hitting the low blows.
You want to look elite and proper and prim,
but now you’re on my level, and your chances look dim.
What would those Canterlot snobs even think of you up here?
You better get off the stage while you still have some dignity, dear.
Cause once I’m through with you everypony will know:
You might look the part, but you don’t fit in the show.”

“That’s all it is to you then, just a big old show?
You live in the city that every filly dreams to go.
You have a perfect life that got served to you on a plate.
Yet all you do with it is live life second rate.
I’ve worked my whole life just to get to this point.
Don’t think I’ll back down now, I’ll kick you out of this joint.”

“Like I said, what would those snobs think?
If you keep threatening violence, you’ll just end up in the clink.”

“The clink? What century are you in?
Though, that would explain why most of your songs are in my trash bin.
You’re outdated, rash, and incredibly dull.
I’ve heard better beats from Dash almost cracking her skull.”

“Let up would you? You’re way too in-your-face.
You’re acting so desperate, you’re assured second place.
Take this as a lesson from the priestess of pop:
When I only get two sentences in, it’s time for you to stop.”

The crowd applauded, and Vinyl Scratch bowed. Berry Punch trotted back onstage.

“So, before we decide the winner, do you two have any thoughts?” Berry asked.

“Yes, but I’m not supposed to say them in public.” Scratch said with a grin.

“Honestly? This is what I lost to?” Rarity asked.

“Lost? We don’t know for sure.” Berry Punch said.

“I’m reasonably sure even Dash applauded Vinyl there.” Rarity pointed out.

“So you’re just letting me win? That’s not nearly as fun as straight-up owning you.” Vinyl said.

“My apologies. Next time I see an obvious situation, I’ll behave irrationally.” Rarity said, rolling her eyes.

“You’d better.” Vinyl said.

“Well, I think we’ve heard enough. In a victory that I’m sure none of you saw coming, the winner of the rap battle is: the only mare with any previous experience with rap!” Berry Punch said, handing Vinyl a medal that may or may not have been made of a cookie.

“I’d give a speech, but I’m going to be too busy getting drunk.” Vinyl said as she cantered to the bar.

With that, both Dash and Rarity’s brief musical careers ended. After another hour or so of Dash and Vinyl drinking, the two pairs of ponies left for the night. Had Vinyl been at least partially sober, she would have noticed one or two of the night guard asking for her autograph/phone number. Of course, Dash and Rarity still had their first night together in the castle mostly ahead of them. Then, and possibly even worse, they had their second morning together in Canterlot ahead of them.

Author's Note

I live! I know, shocking right? And I was even able to get a chapter of this done! Anyway, on to the main reason I wrote this author's note: are explicit references to alcohol a reason to bump this up from an everyone rating? Personally, I didn't think so, but that doesn't really matter if everybody else disagrees with me. So, what do you think?