You Feel Like More Than Everything
Spicy Bun, Rain Glow, Midnight Streak, Spirit Flame. Their names hurt like their actual weight combined was just there, sitting on my tongue, not a care in the world. Begging from inside of me to go spend time with them. The name Luster Dawn hurts just as much. Because it makes me think of how much I'm hurting my friends by healing myself. They were here this morning, and I politely turned them down. And now they're back.
Their voices hurt even more. By the time they reach me, I'm on the verge of tears. I hold them back. They couldn't possibly understand why. I'm an alicorn. They're not. Midnight speaks first. Being a messenger, she uses that status to approach me with reason. I'm her last recipient, it seems.
"Princess Luster Dawn, we've got a message for you," she says formally. I cringe at hearing the title said by one of my best friends, although it is fitting for the current situation. I'm trying to distance myself with them, and the title is fitting.
I turn around to face Midnight, and instead of just seeing a messenger griffin, I see them all. Rain, the kirin with the sweetest voice. Spirit, whose strong, tough voice sounds gentle when singing with his non-yak friends. My best friend, while I'm not choosing favorites, Spice. Always there to comfort me when I need it, to add the spice I didn't know I needed to my life. The pony friend I could count on to be there when other species had their own holidays. The one I always turned to when I needed it. Well, used to always turn to. "What's your message?" I finally ask.
"We miss you," Spice says, instead of Midnight. Probably to convince me to spend time with them all. They know how close we are. "Can't you come back and, I don't know, play or something with us before we all go?"
I close my eyes and hang my head. "Nope. Too busy. That's the way it is as a Princess. I'll miss you, but you all have your own lives now. And so do I. I'm too busy for this."
Spirit sighs. "There's no way we're going to go without spending our time left with you. Come on, what have you got left?"
I sigh as well. I run through my mental checklist and think. "Not much you can do. I've got to set up the Grand Galloping Gala, quickly and just before this evening. It's easy with my magic, but I think you can lay back on that one. I've also got the normal paperwork, for me and not for you. And then teaching my students, which I might skip over if I've got too much other work."
Spirit wants to protest, and I suppose that was to be expected. But Rain stops him. "I suppose. If you want help with all your duties, feel free to call us. But if not, we'll see you at the Gala!" she hums. I blink. The Gala. Right.
"Alright, I'm off to plan the Gala then," I huff.
Rain blinks. "Isn't Pinkie Pie in charge of the Galas?" I know she isn't stupid, but I know she does like to be like Pinkie Pie, a little goofer from time to time. The silly question was probably to make me laugh. But it didn't, not really. It only made me hurt more. It makes me miss the times when Pinkie Pie was in charge, when I was just a young mare with great friends. When Twilight was in charge, and I lived an average life. When I had time to spend with my friends, and I didn't despise saying goodbye to them. I quit reminiscing and hear the others laugh. I wish I still had my laugh. But it disappeared, just like my friends will soon.
I just shake my head and fly off to the ballroom, where the Gala will take place. When I get there, I sigh a breath of relief. It's not that I don't like my friends. I do like them. I just can't bear to spend time with them anymore. I want to bring Twilight into this. Surely, she's gone through something similar. But I don't think she wants me to disturb her. I send a letter anyways. Just trying not to get my hopes up.
After I finish setting up for the Gala, I go to fill out the paperwork. I've already dismissed my students right after lunch so that I could finish other stuff. I later hear a knock at my door. One of my royal guards, which I forgot the name of (they all look the same, so don't blame me), opens the door and calls me to head to the Gala.
I take a deep breath. Of course. This moment was bound to come eventually. I see my friends waiting for me there. Spirit looks relieved."Honestly," he says, "we thought you might be too busy to attend. Glad to see that our friendship was strong enough to break through."
I smile a bit. "Yeah... Come on, I think there's some good desserts inside. Inspired by former Gala-hoster, Pinkie."
We, correction: they, laugh as we eat donuts and share stories. Spice notices I've been quiet and decides to speak up. "Luster... are you alright? You seem so distant. Like the hours we spent as best friends is gone, and you're just a kind princess. What's up?" After I don't speak, he urges me, "Come on, we're best friends. I won't take it too personally."
I sigh. "You're all leaving really soon. And you're my best friends! I just don't want to become too attached before I have to say goodbye. I don't want to say goodbye at all!"
Spice looks torn. "I'm... I don't want to leave Ponyville. I'm not leaving. But that doesn't mean I'm not going to make the most of my friendship with them. I'm trying to show them all that they're everything to me. That I care for them. Lately, you've been treating us like nothing."
I swallow down a lump in my throat, which soon returns. "I- you- you aren't nothing," I choke. "I don't want to make you feel that way. I'm just trying to heal myself. Trying not to make it hurt in the future, where I have to say goodbye and you have to leave. Where I won't be with you. You aren't nothing. You feel like more than everything to me."
I hear Spice breath deeply, and I do too. "Then show us. Spend the rest of the night with us." I turn to face the rest of my friends. In the background, I catch a glimpse of Twilight Sparkle, and I smile.
"I have one more friend I need to talk to before the rest of the night is all ours." They smile and let me go, and I teleport over to where Twilight is and hug her. "I don't want to say goodbye."
She frowns. "But you have to. That's the way of life. You have to say goodbye to everyone you love eventually. I've done it several times, and you'll have to, too." I hug her and sob into her warm coat. I haven't felt it in years. I look her in the eyes, and she smiles. "Goodbye, Luster Dawn. It's time you go have fun, and time for me to leave. Alicorns aren't completely immortal, after all."
I can't manage to grasp her before she fades away. I turn to my friends. With a hug, I smile and whisper, broken, "G- g- good-bye." And then, I run after the magic wisps Twilight left for me to follow.
