The door to the school’s sewing room loomed before me, taunting me with the sweet wonders that were just beyond. It felt so wrong, but also so…me. My heart wanted me to reach out and open the door with my right hand, but my claws didn’t move. My arm didn’t move. It was taking all my willpower to keep my knees from tremoring beneath me. Every so often, I’d look left, then right, then left again, making sure no one was watching me as I wasted time trying to work up the courage to just walk into the freaking room.
I had a dirty little secret. Well, where I came from, I had a dirty secret. In the Dragon Lands, it was might that made right. My secret didn’t mix with that. Once a princess in name only, Ember was the smallest yet smartest dragon to ascend to the title of Dragon Lord. With Spike and Headmare Twilight’s help, she’d implemented reforms to make our colony more of a community. Dragons were slowly seeing the strength in numbers and collaboration. Slowly. The problem was that culture wouldn’t change overnight. My secret was both my pride and my shame, and I’ve had nightmares about any dragon other than Gar-Gar or Spike finding out. Studying in Equestria gave me this amazing opportunity to explore myself, to indulge in a little bit of harmless fantasy. School had been like my forbidden fruit, and its sweetness pulled me deeper into my passion.
I liked to dress up. I liked being cute and demure. I liked being silly and pretending to be fancy. No, that wasn’t right. I loved it. I loved being able to put on a sundress or a formal ballgown or skirts of every style. I liked makeup. I wanted to try shoes and feather boas. I wanted to put on a nice blue dress that brought out my eyes. That didn’t mean I didn’t enjoy dragon things like flying or lava surfing or hoarding. I just knew that there were dragons out there who would bully me or beat me up if they ever found out, or worse. Ponies and other creatures would look at me like there was something wrong with me because dragons were perceived as these tough, rugged, powerful creatures that were supposed to be symbols of strength.
At first, only my brother Gar-Gar knew. He’d caught me putting ribbons on my ear fronds when I thought I was alone, and he swore up and down he’d never tell another soul. That was the first time I knew he’d had a sensitive side he didn’t want other dragons to see either. Then, there were a couple of friends. Gallus saw me in this dress that looked like it was straight out of a storybook, complete with makeup and a little tiara. He looked at me funny, but never brought it up again. He was a bro for that, even if he wouldn’t admit it. I told Ocellus myself. It felt like the only way to snap her out of the funk she was in, stuck in that Queen Chrysalis body and fretting over her past. It did the trick. I still owed her that tea party. I wasn’t sure if Sandbar, Silverstream and Yona knew, but they probably suspected. I wasn’t a dummy, and neither were they.
Eventually, after a ton of prodding from Ocellus during cheer practice to go to Professor Rarity. Both she and Yona were super close with Rarity, so I took a leap of faith and ended up landing on my feet. Rarity had been delighted, and I even got to do some modeling for her prototypes. Ever since Equestria opened its borders and invited other creatures to do the same, the professor had wanted to sew and design for more body types. I wanted to tell Coach Rainbow Dash my secret, too. She made cheer awesome, even if she didn’t want to coach us at first. She made me love being on the squad. Still, I couldn’t. I doubt she’d get it, and I felt like she’d burst into laughter before she could stop herself.
Okay, I wasn’t getting anything done just standing here. I took a deep breath and took the plunge. Rarity had to be in there, I was sure. If Ocellus was there, too, I wouldn’t have minded. She was probably the closest of all my friends. Storming into the makeshift workshop, I proclaimed a little louder than I wanted, “I’m here! Sorry I’m late, Rariprof!”
Silence. I was met with stunned silence and took in my surroundings. Seated in a stool in the corner was my buggy buddy Ocellus, whose big, dark teal eyes were wide and locked on me. A little in front of her was Rarity, who was staring at me over those too-small red glasses of hers in shock. She was levitating a comb in her magic. And in front of her, with a blue-winged back facing me, was a mare wearing an indigo dress with cloudlike gold trim. The mare’s mane and tail were six vivid, familiar colors. My heart sank and my blood turned to ice. A chill ran up my neck and into the back of my jaw as I fixated on those magenta eyes with pinprick pupils. Part of me died inside and the rest of me was soon to follow.
“Smolder…?” Coach Rainbow Dash called out to me quizzically. Yep, it was her. I knew that boyish, raspy hitch anywhere.
“Uhh, oops! Wrong room, hehehe,” I chuckled sheepishly, whirling around to leave with the intention of going catatonic in my own room. My face felt infernally hot.
“Whoa, whoa, wait!” Coach exclaimed. A blur of colors whizzed in front of me, and I felt the breeze of her slipstream on my wings and tail. She looked panicked, a blush burning brightly in her cheeks and her eyes hurriedly scanning me up and down. “W-why leave so quickly? I-I mean you’re looking for Rarity, right?”
“I didn’t say that!” I denied, rejecting the futility.
“‘Rariprof’?” Rarity quoted me with an unamused deadpan. I didn’t have to turn around to know she was looking at me with an eyebrow raised high enough to rival Applejack. Yeah, I really did it to myself this time.
“Can you not tell the other girls on the squad about this? Or the other faculty? Or any creature?” Coach asked me. Her voice sounded so pleading and vulnerable. I had never seen her like this. Rainbow Dash looked like she was about to collapse before me.
Was she…? No, no, this had to be a dream. There was no way she was just like me. I could have confided in her this whole time? I gave a small, slow nod. A golden laurel held in a light blue magical aura lowered itself gently onto Rainbow Dash’s head, distracting me from Ocellus sliding up to my side. “Don’t worry, Professor Dash. Smolder’s the perfect creature to keep this secret.”
“Ocellus!” I exclaimed, flustered. My wings flared a bit, but I did have to give her credit. She broke the tension like it was nothing.
“Oh, come now, darlings. Neither of you have anything to be ashamed of,” Rarity piped up, sidling over to Rainbow Dash as her magic gently closed the door to the fitting room.
Rainbow Dash eyed me in confusion. “You do this, too?”
I blinked back tears and scratched the back of my head, giving another sheepish giggle. It came out a little higher than I wanted. These creatures would always be the last ones to judge me, but I was still terrified. It hurt. Even the smallest bit of uncertainty was daunting enough to hold me back and keep everything in. My eyes locked with my coach’s again. The loyalty professor’s expression melted from confusion to concern, and it broke me.
“Yeah…” I finally replied, my voice barely above a whisper. A single tear escaped each of my eyes.
Rainbow Dash exhaled through her nostrils and spoke to me with a more level tone, “I get being embarrassed and all, but you don’t have to cry about it. You’re not in trouble.” I nodded and quickly wiped the tears away as she put a reassuring hoof on my shoulder. “So, uh…how long have you been doing this sort of stuff?”
“Since I was little,” I confessed with a shaky breath. “Always in secret. I couldn’t let any dragon see.”
“Got a reputation to keep up, huh? I get that,” Rainbow Dash remarked with a chuckle.
“Yeah, and no. Not so much my reputation as…you know, dragons’ reputation,” I replied. “Kind of hard to be a tough, fearless dragon if you’re being fru-fru in a dress and makeup and costume jewelry.”
“Yeah, being the brave stunt-flying prodigy doesn’t mesh with fabric and eyeshadow, either. I get ya. Kind of,” Rainbow Dash remarked, smiling tenderly at me. As soon as she mentioned eyeshadow, I noticed it. Her eyelids had a powdery azure tint to them, just a bit deeper than the sky blue of her coat. “Though…I actually only got really into cute, silly stuff recently. When Rarity and I were working on our own friendship issues.”
Rarity spoke up, reaching out with her magic to pull her pink sequin boots from the sewing room’s closet, “She was so impressed with the lock-picking trick I performed with these heels that she wanted to know—oh, darling, how did you word it?”
“What else can fashion do?” Rainbow Dash asked, parroting herself. The two ponies shared a laugh before Rainbow Dash got back on topic. “So once Rarity had me try on a few things, I really liked how I looked. I liked how I felt. Never told another pony, though. Not even Twilight or Fluttershy. I still get self-conscious about my image, kind of like when I didn’t want anypony to know I like reading. I like to get fancy every now and then, look in the mirror, give a little twirl, try on different stuff. I keep telling myself I’ll be more open about it, eventually. I know I can trust my best friends, but I’m just not ready yet.”
She really did get it. I gawked in amazement. Every word that came out of the Pegasus’s mouth resonated with my very soul. The shame I felt, the shame I shouldn’t have felt over something so quintessentially innocent, was gone in a puff of smoke. One more creature I was able to be open with. One more creature I could allow to see another side me. Relief washed over me like the coming tide. Finally letting myself relax, I wrapped my arms around the normally brash professor. Rainbow Dash seemed taken aback at first but returned the hug.
“I just don’t wanna be picked on over it,” I whispered.
“Yeah. I getcha,” she responded softly. Her voice wasn’t motherly or anything like it. Nah, she talked more like a big sister. I was wondering if it was because I had that orange-and-purple aesthetic. In different ways, all the professors were like that. Rainbow Dash always struck me as the kind of pony who was cool with anything as long as no creature got between her and her goal. It was good to see her soft side. This side of her, coupled with her coordination and sports knowledge, was really why I was so excited to join cheerleading when I heard Headmare Twilight made her the coach. That and I was able to indulge in my dirty little secret without suspicion.
I pulled back from the dressed up sportspony, looked into those vibrant magenta eyes and saw a confidant. I didn’t know where those doubts holding me back came from, but I knew they would be there with every creature who didn’t know. Always and until each and every one of them found out. My attention was snatched by the sound of Ocellus, who had shuffled away when I spontaneously hugged our teacher, was rustling around in the closet. That’s when I remembered the reason I came here in the first place.
“Ta-da!” Ocellus exclaimed, levitating out my latest request in her magic. I was impressed that she was able to use her magic for more than just changing shape. Chrysalis could do that, sure, but she was a queen changeling. Ocellus—and I say this with all the love in the world for my best friend—had little to no regality to speak of. She turned out to be really good at magic, apparently. Made sense for a creature as studious as her.
She pushed over one of those coat racks on wheels, hanging the dress on it so I could see it in its full glory. It was perfect! A sky-blue A-line sundress with a slight “V” in the front of the neckline. The straps were near-indistinguishable from the rest of the bodice, and the front of the bodice had this white, cloud-like pattern that stopped right at the waistline. White, wavy frills lined the bottom of the hemline. I couldn’t stop myself from smiling as I beamed at it. Rarity, whose hoofsteps were always measured and deliberate, sauntered over to me and gestured to the unfolded changing curtain she always had set up in the far corner of the room. Like a dragon hatchling would take its first gem, I snatched the dress off the rack and flew behind the curtain with speed that probably made Rainbow Dash proud.
Despite my speed in taking the dress, I spent a long moment staring at it, admiring every part of it. The bodice looked like it was perfect for me, like it would hug my torso and not constrict me. The skirt looked like it would flutter and flow in the breeze yet stand up to the stiffest winds. That shade of blue was perfect! It was a nice contrast to the orange of my scales without clashing. There was only one way to see if it brought out my eyes. I handled it very delicately as I put in on. I might as well have been handling gold, that was how much this dress excited me.
Once it was on, I looked down at myself. It was perfect. It fit like a glove. Practically gliding on my claws across the floor, I strode out from behind the curtain. As if on cue, Rarity held a standing mirror in place for me to see myself in; the professionalism was so automatic that it was almost freaky. That aside, it was everything I’d hoped for. The blue of the dress and the blue of my eyes resonated on the mirror. A big smile sat on my face as I curtsied and twirled in the mirror, a slight giggle escaping me. Ocellus and Rainbow Dash lightly stomped their hooves in approval.
“It’s amazing! Thank you so much, Rariprof! I love getting to try your work on and pitching designs, but this has to be your best one yet,” I claimed excitedly.
“For the bipedal build, perhaps, but overall, I wouldn’t call it my best work. Still, you look marvelous in it, and it has a less-is-more theme that highlights some of your best features, darling. If it’s a keeper, it’s yours,” Rarity replied, quickly skimming her portfolio of previous work in her head before smiling kindly.
“Great, thanks! I’ve got some gems back in my dorm I can trade for it,” I offered, barely finishing my sentence before there was an ivory hoof just inches from my face.
“Nonsense. You asked me to make this, and you’ve been doing well in my classes. Plus, you could say you’ve paid me in time taken out of your day to model for me in the various prototypes I’ve thrown your way,” the unicorn insisted. She gestured to the mirror. “Darling, look at yourself and tell me how you feel.”
I did. This wasn’t just some prototype dress I was trying on. This was me. It was my softer side, the side I spent most of my life denying and ignoring, finally being allowed to bloom. I felt this comforting warmth in my chest. It wasn’t like a fire, but it was more like my soul was trying to give me a hug. Was this the inner peace that the zebra from the Everfree Forest rhymed about from time to time?
“I feel…cute,” I reacted, trying to sum up these warm fuzzies in a single word. I swayed my arms a little. This was real. This was me. “This is great…!” I couldn’t stop smiling. With another twirl, I giggled and accidentally flicked something with the tip of my tail. That something was Ocellus’s snout. “Wah! When did you get there?”
“You look so pretty! I just wanted to get a closer look,” she replied, fawning a bit.
I got flustered but couldn’t deny that her praise was the affirmation I needed. It made me feel secure with this fascination of mine. It was cute seeing her awestruck. Brushing off my tinge of embarrassment, I remarked, “Maybe I should wear this to our you-know-what.”
“You mean the tea party?”
For crying out loud, Ocellus. “Yes,” I replied, clenching my jaw, still processing the lack of discretion.
“Yeah, that’s not exactly a surprise anymore,” Rainbow Dash pointed out. “Besides, as long as you’re alright and keeping up with assignments, what you guys do outside of class isn’t really ever gonna be a concern.”
“So you’re not gonna tell any dragon?” I asked, trying in vain to tone down my earnestness. “Aside from Spike, I mean. I feel like he’d get it.”
“Spikey Wikey? Oh, he undeniably would. There’s no drake with a sweeter heart—err, no offense, darling,” Rarity claimed almost boastfully.
“None taken.”
Rainbow Dash approached me, giving me a reassuring hug. I hadn’t expected that, not in a hundred years. She muttered in assurance, “Don’t worry, kiddo.” That was all she needed to say, but she went on. “And don’t let anyone judge you for how you feel or how you are.”
I didn’t know how to respond. I was at such a loss for words. She made it sound so easy. Could it be that easy? Dragons weren’t known for wearing their hearts on their sleeves, but…it brought me joy to dress up, to be cute, to put the tougher side in a drawer in my head for a little while. She was telling me to be me. It’s not like I knew how to be anyone else. Then, I looked over her dress once more and thought of the perfect response. “You, neither.” Coach pulled back and looked me in the eye, an expression of mild shock and confusion stuck on her face. Then, all at once, she understood and we exchanged grins, eliciting a chuckle from each other.
It wasn’t long before the two of us were trapsing the crystal tiles of the school, laughing and talking on the way to Rainbow Dash’s office for her office hours. Some of my friends and classmates and even the other professors turned their heads at us, stunned and maybe a little confused, too. Part of me couldn’t help but muse and think they were jealous of our drip. That’s what ponies called it, right?
“By the way, blue is so your color,” Rainbow Dash told me, earning a blush from me. “Makes your eyes look 20% cooler.”
“You’ve got some good colors on yourself. Is it hard finding stuff that doesn’t clash with your mane?” I inquired, curious about how basic color theory went with her multi-colored mane and tail.
“You have no idea. They think that I could put on anything because I probably have any color on my body already, but Rarity taught me pretty quickly that there’s a massive difference between having any color and having every color.”
“D-Dashie?” came the soft, barely audible voice of Fluttershy. She was wide-eyed, a ghost of a smile on the corners of her lips. “Is that really you?”
“Heck yeah! Looks awesome, right?” the stunt flyer asked the Pegasus with the cherry blossom colored mane.
As if given permission, Fluttershy immediately began beaming. “You look wonderful!”
Rainbow Dash grinned sheepishly as her cheeks grew rosy. The sound of an approaching drawl approached, “Well, I’ll be! Never thought I’d see the day. RD in a dress with no high-falootin’ occasion or spy operation to speak of?” Applejack trotted over, looking her friend and rival up and down. “I feel like that laurel needs a hat, but yer lookin’ like a million bits otherwise.”
I hadn’t noticed Sandbar and Yona stroll up behind me until Sandbar’s surfer-stereotype voice piped up, “Smolder?” Feeling like being a smart-alec, I twirled around to them and gave a curtsy.
“Smolder look sooo cute!” Yona gushed. “Yaks wear best dresses, but dragon looks amazing!”
“Hehe. Thanks,” I chuckled, flustered. My eyes darted between the two of them, and then noticed Gallus behind them. He didn’t say anything but gave me this dirt-eating smirk. It wasn’t mocking, but it was a grin of a griffon who had known all along thought it was about time.
Ocellus sidled up next to me, those dark teal eyes glistening as she chirped, “See? They love it!”
“Yeah, you look good. I never would have expected it, though,” Sandbar remarked.
“Well, creatures are complicated. I kept it hidden because…” I trailed off, feeling my worries ebb away. Shrugging, I simply said, “I guess I just wasn’t ready. Whoa!” My feet left the ground as I was hugged tightly by Silverstream. “H-hey, take it easy!”
“Oops! Sorry, it’s just…” Silverstream sheepishly began as she put me down, “I had a feeling you were holding something back. I’m so happy you finally shared! You look great!”
Having gauged a reaction from each of them by now, none of my friends seemed to see me any differently. I don’t think they’d ever know how much it meant to me that they took this side of me on the chin. It was like I had said before, I wasn’t ready to share my dirty little secret with the rest of my friends. Coach being similar might have been the push I needed. I felt lucky that this hadn’t changed the way they saw me. My friends were the best a dragon could ask for, especially a dragon who liked dresses and didn’t mesh with the culture.
I turned to Ocellus and said, “I owe you some tea, don’t I?”
Author's Note
Smolder is my favorite among the Student Six. It might seem like a stretch, but I feel like her love of dressing up and not wanting anyone to know is kind of an allegory to bronies: a fanbase of adults who find a lot of value in this little girls' show Hasbro uses for marketing. Setting aside the bad apples we hear all too often about, it's a harmless fascination that's often healing for us. I think Smolder sees cute, silly stuff the same way we do.
I would love to go more into why I wrote it, but I don't want to take away from your own inferences. Tell me what you think, if you want to.
