Thigh High: Weed and Socks
all of my best ideas come when I am zonked
Ok so like. It was autumn in Ponyville and like, that's cool and all. But I was like, smoking a blunt with Treehugger when I had a GREAT highdea: a combo weed and thigh highs store.
"Hey TH, bro, imagine if there were a combo weed and thigh high socks store?" I giggled.
"Fluttershy, O-M gosh, you are a GENIUS."
"I know right? I'd call it Thigh High, cuz like, you can get thigh highs and like, weed there."
"Holy shit." Treehugger's eyes widened.
"Yeag." I took another big hit before I gave the weed back to Treehugger.
"You would need, like, munchies tho."
"Mmmmmmm… chicken thighs."
"Broooooo."
"Broooooo."
My door was pretty much run over as an angry rainbow mare busted ~~a nut~~ through my door. Treehugger almost swallowed the blunt on accident. It was funny.
"Fluttershy! I heard you were smoking weed without me!"
"Like -BUUURP-, sorry Dash. Treehugger just showed up with a doobie. I didn't have any, like, time or whatever."
"Yeah stop harshing the vibes Rainbow Dash. -COUGHCOUGH-. Here, this'll mellow you out dog." Treehugger gave the blunt to Rainbow.
"I've never said no to weed before, why stop now?" Rainbow did the most insane suck ever man. That shut was INSANE bro. You should have been there to see it. Like. If there was ever gonna be a contest for the DANKEST CRANK then THAT would pull first place no doubt. Well, If I wasn't there anyway. "-COUGHCOUGH- Holy shit Treehugger, this shit is demonic wtf."
"Well maybe you shouldn't have done the whole doobie!"
"Oh yeah. Sorry. Hey can you guys taste the color pink?"
"Don't worry bro I brought more weeeeed" Treehugger Rustled through her mane and pulled out a monster roach and took a hit. "I call this batch 'Treefucker'. Mixed it with some Poison Joke to give it some more kick. Zecora practically died after giving this shit a blow."
"That is wild, bro. Hey Rainbow what if there were a weed shop that also sold thigh highs?"
"Brooooo"
"Brooooo"
"Brooooo"
"That sounds amazing bro. How do you like your thigh highs? Full or only the back hooves?"
Treehugger to a hit before giving the roach to me. It was a hard question to answer, and the only thing that could help was more ganja. I took a fat suck like my name was fucking DYSON. It tasted like blue. "I prefer full, but I never was, like, too picky or anything."
"Wise words from a wise mare."
I think we sat there for a solid 20 minutes staring at the ceiling lamp passing the roach around.
"Hey guys. Mares are cool and all, but like, what if the stallions ALSO wore the thigh highs?"
"BROOOOOOO." We all said in unison at my amazing idea.
"We could call them Femcolts."
"Naaaah. Femlions."
"Hehe. Lions. Rawr."
"Raaaaawr."
"Raaawr."
"RAAAaaawr."
"Raaaaaaaaaawr"
"Raawaawr"
—
"Raaaaaw-"
Twilight cut me off. "Okay that's great and all Fluttershy, but why do I need to know this? You said it was urgent… I thought you were in trouble."
I nodded. "Oh yeah. Hehe. My house got burned down and Rainbow Dash is in the hospital."
"WHAT!?!?"
"Yeah I think I should have led with that to be honest."
"You think!? What happened?!"
"I was getting to that. You cut me off."
—
Anyway, we were rawring like lions for like an hour when Rainbow suddenly stopped raining like a lion and started punching invisible lions.
"Bro, Treehugger, what's wrong with her."
"She is fighting demons bro."
"Shouldn't we like, do something?"
"We could throw holy water on her."
"How do we make holy water?"
"You boil the hell out of it." Hehehhe. We all laughed, even Rainbow Dash, but she went back to punching demons pretty quickly.
"Bro that's a great idea." I rushed to the kitchen and turned on the stove to boil some water. I kinda just stared at it for a while before it was finally ready. Treehugger had prepared a huge exorcist ring in the middle of my living-room and we held the boiling water above rainbow dash high as hell. Hehe. 'high'. Hehe.
She was still punching the invisible lions the poor mare. Probably just needed a bit more weed.
"Okay, like, TH, on threes."
"On threes?"
"Yeag."
"Ok."
"THREES!"
—
"I don't remember much after that but apparently I 'left the stove on' and 'poured boiling hot water on Rainbow Dash'." I shook my head. The Holy Water worked so what could I have ever done wrong?
"Bruh." Twilight sat there at her desk mouth agape.
"Don't sit like that for too long Twilight, somepony might take advantage."
"Fluttershy!"
"Pfft, it was an honest mistake smh. Anyway I need a small donation of, like, a million bits to get this weed and thigh highs enterprise started."
"How can you ask me something like that right now? Rainbow Dash is-"
"You'll get free kush."
"I- I…" Twilight looked out the window and to her door before quietly pulling out a royal treasury checkbook and sprawling off million bits. "Free weed and… thigh high socks. I have a date with Flash Sentry later." Twilight blushed and buried her face into her hooves.
"Hehe. Should I get them in guard stallions size?"
"YES."
"Sweeeeet."
Author's Note
Happy 4/20! Smoke responsibly!
btw, fluttershy canonically laughs like seth rogan
Thigh High: Weed and Socks
Rainbow awoke but she couldn't move. It would appear she was in a full body cast. SHe wasn't a doctor but she could tell it didn't make any sense for burns.
"Doctor, please, your wife and children have been waiting in the lobby for over a week. I don't think she is going to make it." Said a soft, caring voice.
Another voice, more masculine responded. "You don't get it Redheart! You spend YEARS of your life smoking that good shit and then you come face to face with a victim of that green mean you have loved for so long! It isn't fair... it isn't..." The Doctor broke out into tears.
"It's okay Doctor. It's okay. You tried your best."
Suddenly, the door slammed open. 'Doctor doctor, we just found a new treatment that could help Rainbow!"
"What is it? I'll try anything!"
"It is too crazy, I can't-"
"TELL ME CELESTIADAMNIT!"
Rainbow could hear the rustling of pages. "I... it would make her inponyu, doctor. She wouldn't be the same mare if we went through with it."
"It is the only way. Nurse, get general anesthesia in here. We have a mare to make."
When Rainbow came to, she felt different somehow. Almost like she was mildly high. She opened her eyes to a lab full of ponies, each going about reading various computer screens and yelling eachother directions. In the middle stood a single stallion, grinning like he had just done something evil and he liked it.
"Good morning, Rainbow Dash. Or should I say, Project 420?"
"What?" Rainbow's voice sounded deep and robotic. "Where am I?!"
The stallion smugly looked and his hoof and magically flicked a bit of dirt away. "You're safe, and that's all that matters right now. In the meantime you might want to get acquainted with your new body." He laughed maniacally.
Rainbow looked at her hooves with horror. They were metallic, green liquid running through small tubes around the appendage. A quick glance at the rest of her bod proved it was more of the same.
"What did you do to me?!?!"
Alarms began to blare and pipes began to burst as Rainbow's anger mixed with high levels of THC bent the very fabric of reality around her.
The doctor crammed around pulling knobs and shouting "Get it under control! We can't let her escape!"
BOOOOOM
The ceiling ripped open and golden rays of light split from the cracks. Rainbow screamed and flew out to see the world. Her eyes hurt and her body was stiff and unfeeling.
And though she was dazed and confused, she knew she had one purpose: to get high.
For her name was...
KUSH KNIGHT!!!!!
*superman theme plays*
