Chapters 1. Family Therapy (ft. Luna and Celestia)
The pink pegasus Tranquil Heartmender was slowly becoming a prominent therapist in Canterlot. It wasn’t just because of her very affordable rate of one bit an hour, but mostly because she was very good at her job.
Which made sense considering her actual name was Princess Luna and her actual job was essentially dream therapy. She just felt sometimes ponies needed to, well, actually be awake and remember her teachings to improve, and also she liked acting like a common pony.
Currently, however, she was cursing her prominence.
“I’ve heard so much about you!” said Celestia, sitting in front of ‘Heartmender’ with a smile. “And I’d very greatly like to hire your services.”
Oh no, thought Luna. Not only was it inappropriate to secretly be her sister’s therapist, she also had no desire to deal with Celestia’s undoubtedly immense inner lunacy.
She cleared her throat, smiling amiably. “I’m sorry, Your Majesty, but I must refuse. I am not qualified to serve somepony of your, ah, rank.”
A pleading expression colored Celestia’s face. “Oh, but, please, Heartmender. I beg you reconsider. It…” Her voice softened. “This is important for me. I actually need group therapy to help heal a very important relationship for me.”
Curiosity got the best of Luna. “...Group therapy? With who, may I ask?”
Celestia sighed. “My sister, Luna.”
The words left Luna’s mouth unbidden. “The oh no’s have doubled.”
Celestia gasped, clapping her hooves. “Why, you even speak like her! Don’t you see how perfect you are for the job?!”
Author's Note
Writing is my full-time job now, so if you like my work and my output, please consider tipping me or subscribing on Ko-Fi so I can continue writing so much! Every little bit helps! c:
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3. Couple's Therapy (ft. Luna & Twilight & ???)
Tranquil Heartmender, also known as the disguised therapist form of Princess Luna, prepared herself for today’s clients. All she knew was that they were requesting extreme privacy (she didn’t even know who they were) and that it was a couple going through a rough patch.
Three knocks at the door startled her. She glanced at the clock on the wall. Five minutes early?
“Come in!” she called.
The door opened, and Luna forced herself not to react when who walked in but Twilight Sparkle herself.
“Hi!” Twilight exclaimed, seeming a little frazzled. “You must be Tranquil Heartmender! I’m so sorry, I hope it’s all right I’m early.”
“That’s perfectly fine, Miss Sparkle,” said ‘Heartmender’, internally noting the surprising revelation that Twilight Sparkle was dating. Interesting. She noticed no one else behind Twilight, too. “Though we cannot start until everypony is here, I’m afraid.”
A flash of irritation crossed Twilight’s face. Another mental note was made. “I know, sorry. It shouldn’t be long, I promise.”
Indeed, five minutes later, the door opened and Luna was forced to really contain her surprise when Rainbow Dash lazily walked in, looking absolutely bored.
“Rainbow! Where were you? We said five minutes earlier!”
“I’m here now!” Rainbow pulled up a chair and plopped down. “ Relaaaax.”
Luna cleared her throat. “Good, we can beg—”
“Oh, sorry!” Twilight interrupted, a blush on her face. “I… Uh… We’re uh…”
“There’s a third,” Rainbow said, resting her foreleg on the chair’s backrest. “Twilight’s still embarrassed about it, but I have no problems accepting I scored with two hot girls at the same time.” She lifted her hoof for a fist bump from ‘Heartmender’. “Don’t leave me hangin’!”
Luna left her hanging, which was good because the door opened right at that moment, and for the third and final time, Luna had to maintain composure as now Rarity walked in, two shopping bags with her.
“Hey, babe,” Rainbow said.
“Rarity!” Twilight exclaimed. “You’re late! Literally late! Even Rainbow was on time!”
“Fashionably late!” Rarity corrected, sitting down on a third chair. “Fa-shio-na-bly.”
As the throuple argued, Luna looked at them. Well, she thought, it would seem that three of the Elements of Harmony are dating each other.
“Interesting,” she mused to herself. “I never imagined the fate of Equestria would rest on me having to ensure three of our most important defenders had a healthy romantic relationship, but here we are.”
Immediately, the three friends turned to the pegasus.
“What?” they asked, in unison.
“Oh, nothing.” ‘Heartmender’ smiled pleasantly. “Shall we begin?”
Author's Note
Writing is my full-time job now, so if you like my work and my output, please consider tipping me or subscribing on Ko-Fi so I can continue writing so much! Every little bit helps! c:
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5. Chess (ft. Applejack, Fluttershy, Twilight, Pinkie)
Twilight had been sitting in the corner by herself for about thirty minutes now, wide-eyed and staring at the chessboard atop a nearby table.
“Wow,” she said for the fifth time in two minutes. “Wow.”
Sitting a few ways away, a concerned Applejack and Fluttershy observed her, whispering amongst each other.
“Look at her,” said the farmer. “I’ve never seen her like this.”
Fluttershy gulped. “I know… Rarity really did… a good job…?”
Applejack laughed. “Good job? She wiped the floor with Twilight’s flank over and over! I’ve never seen anything like it. And how she bragged about it! Worse sore winner I’ve since I played ring toss with AB, I’m tellin’ you.”
“She did read that book about chess, though,” Fluttershy reminded her. “To impress Twilight.”
“Impress her?” Applejack shook her head. “Think she might’a overdone it there, sugarcube. She went and humiliated Twilight, and you know Twilight hates losing at her smart games.”
Fluttershy gasped. “You don’t think this will be bad for their relationship, do you?”
Applejack shrugged. “It won’t.” She paused. “...Probably.” At Fluttershy’s ‘eep’, Applejack nudged her over towards Twilight. “Come on, we oughta check up on her.”
They trotted over to their friend, still staring at the chessboard.
“Twi?” Applejack asked. “You doin’ alright?”
“She beat me,” Twilight said, not an ounce of emotion on her voice.
Applejack cleared her throat. “We saw, sugar—”
“She destroyed me. We played seven games, and she won at all of them faster than I could even do something about it.” A pause. “The only ponies I’ve ever lost a game of chess to are Princess Celestia and Pinkie. I…” Her wide eyes met Applejack’s. “This changes things.”
“It does?” Fluttershy asked, a hint of terror in her voice. “Changes what? Not your relationship with Rarity, right?”
“That’s exactly what it changes,” Twilight said quietly.
While Fluttershy practically fainted, Applejack laughed nervously and patted Twilight’s shoulders. “Now, now, sugarcube, let’s not make any rash decisions over a game.”
For the first time, Twilight showed some emotion, frowning. “...You’re right,” she said, meditatively. “Marrying her this week might be a bit too soon.”
One, two, three seconds paused.
“‘Scuse me?” asked Applejack.
Fluttershy blinked at Twilight, flabbergasted. “Marry her?! Because she… beat you at chess?”
“Beat me?!” said Twilight, and the confusion of her friends tripled when her face melted into the definition of smitten and she dreamily corrected, “She demolished me. It was incredible .”
Before either Applejack or Fluttershy could say anything, Pinkie walked in looking worse for wear. As shocked and wide-eyed as Twilight had been earlier, and with a mane as deflated as her entire aura, Pinkie took five steps forward and then fell onto her hindlegs.
“Wow,” she said.
“What’s wrong with you?” Applejack asked.
Pinkie could barely speak. “Rar… Rarity and I played chess.”
“You did?” asked Twilight, the smitten eyes completely alert, hinging on the answer to her next question. “Did you win? Nopony has ever beaten you. You must have won… Right?”
Pinkie shook her head. “I lost,” she said. “I lost every single time, and one I lost even before I made my first move.”
“Oh my stars ,” whispered Twilight.
Seconds later, it was Fluttershy who spoke, or yelped rather, Twilight levitating her into the air as she walked towards the room’s exit.
“T-Twilight?!”
“I’m sorry, Fluttershy,” Twilight said, “but I need your help picking rings for my wedding next month.”
Author's Note
Writing is my full-time job now, so if you like my work and my output, please consider tipping me or subscribing on Ko-Fi so I can continue writing so much! Every little bit helps! c:
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6. Marriage Intervention (ft. Mane6, and the Factual Canon Twilight ship)
Twilight Sparkle looked beautiful in her white wedding dress, her mane held back with a beautiful floral arrangement. She looked like a dream, frankly, even despite the great frown marring her face.
Her friends surrounded her, sporting equally great frowns.
“Twilight,” Rarity pleaded, so opposed to the wedding she didn’t even bother to wear a dress. “You can’t do this. There is still time to call this off! Please. ”
Twilight didn’t deign Rarity with a look. She just stared at the closed church doors, as stoic as ever.
“I told you this would happen,” she said, cold. “I told all five of you in no uncertain terms that if anypony ever said it again , I would do it.”
Applejack stepped towards her. “We know that, sugarcube, and we were all respectin’ your choice, but you and I both know Rainbow is an idiot.”
“Hey!”
“She’s not wrong,” Fluttershy whispered, upset.
“Twilight,” Rarity spoke up again, harsh. “Twilight, think of what you’re doing. This is beyond ridiculous. It’s ludicrous! There is still time to spare us all and yourself of this charade! Please .”
Twilight finally spun around, irate. “No. I’m doing this. None of you will ever understand what’s it like to have ponies say this all the time! To just be doing something I love, and have ponies constantly belittle and tease me about it.” She turned back towards the doors. “I’m doing this, and this is all you and everypony else’s fault, so suck it up and go to your seats.”
Pinkie whined. “But… But Twili—”
“Go.”
After a final round of whines, all five friends filed off inside the bustling church, taking their spots near the front.
“I can’t believe she’s going through with this,” Rarity whispered, horrified. “This must be a nightmare. It must be.”
“Don’t think it is, sugarcube,” Applejack replied calmly, having apparently resigned herself to the entire thing. She gestured to Princess Luna sitting a little ways away. “She looks just as bothered as you do, and she ain’t doing anythin’ to stop this.”
Before Rarity could say anything, music began to play and everypony present rose, all sporting looks of varying distress.
The church doors opened and Twilight Sparkle stepped out, her expression as determined as her steps. She made it all the way to the front, and then turned back towards the door, awaiting the entrance of her legal, permanent other half.
There was a momentary pause, and then wearing a best man suit, Spike appeared, looking beyond uncomfortable as he pushed a stroller on which the betrothed sat.
The Betrothed being the fifth edition of Starswirl The Bearded’s Advance Magical Theorems Vol. 1. An unwrapped edition, too, wearing the smallest of black bowties.
You see, if ponies were to constantly joke that she would marry a book, then she might as well shut them up by doing so.
Author's Note
Writing is my full-time job now, so if you like my work and my output, please consider tipping me or subscribing on Ko-Fi so I can continue writing so much! Every little bit helps! c:
7. Persistent Proposal (ft. RariDash)
Rainbow Dash didn’t know how to quit.
This was very cool of her, she thought, but it could also be a problem when she wanted something very much, and the other pony involved did not.
“Rares.”
The two of them were sitting at some fancy-shmancy restaurant Rarity loved to go to, and Rainbow Dash was wearing her Sunday best—which was nothing but a little bowtie she thought made her look fancy enough.
“Mmm?” asked the love of Rainbow Dash’s life as she perused the menu.
Rainbow lowered Rarity’s menu, and then said with a winning grin, “Wanna marry me and have a big wedding?”
Rarity smiled lovingly and looked back to her menu. “Maybe I’ll get a soup today.”
- - - A WEEK LATER - - -
Rainbow Dash wasn’t easily discouraged.
She knew Rarity loved her (the unicorn had said it literally that morning when they woke up), and Rainbow Dash loved her, so clearly that wasn’t the problem. Maybe it was the way she’d said it? Proposing when someone is looking at the menu probably wasn’t the best idea.
She’d tried again a few days after the dinner, when they were having a really nice picnic, but again Rarity had said no to her wedding proposal. Ugh!
Maybe she needed to be more… passionate? Yeah!
“Rarity!” Rainbow Dash said, slamming open the door to Rarity’s study. “Please! I want to marry you and have a big wedding! I, like, NEED it!”
Rarity looked up from her design book, her brow knitted into a frown.
“Darling, I thought this was a cute little joke at first, but I’m frankly starting to get worried about you now,” she said, putting down her pen. “You do remember we are already married, don’t you?”
Now it was Rainbow’s turn to frown. “Well, yeah, duh.”
“Then why do you keep proposing to me?”“Because our wedding was AWESOME, duh!” Rainbow exclaimed, her wings flapping excitedly. “I can’t remember the last time I was at a party that cool, and we’re, like, supposed to only be able to do it once?! That SUCKS!”
Author's Note
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8. A Dastardly Commission (ft. Rarity, Twilight, Trixie)
Twilight “Supernova” Sparkle was widely regarded as Equestria’s most reviled, feared super-villain. There was a time when she was considered to be a good, outstanding citizen, but ever since the [REDACTED], she’d chosen villainy as her lifestyle.
As did her friends—if reluctantly—because the six friends were, as Rainbow Dash had put it, ‘ride or die or become a laser-toting supervillain sidekick, I guess”.
But, right now, Twilight had to deal with an unexpected kidnapping.
BOOM!
Dust and debris flew everywhere as Twilight flew into the lair of her greatest rival and found herself in the dungeons.
“Well, well, well!” a voice said, and from the dust emerged a pale blue unicorn wearing the exact same magician outfit she wore before turning evil. “If it isn’t the pathetic Supernova! What brings you to see…” She paused, took a breath, and then yelled out, “The Grrrrreat and Viiiiillainous Trrrrrrixieeeee!”
“Cut the crap, Trixie!” Twilight snapped, her horn crackling with magic. “Where is she?”
Trixie laughed, coyly. “She? Trixie doesn’t know who—Oh!” Her lips curled into a wicked smile. “You mean this?! ”
She pulled down a lever, and a platform lowered towards them. On it, Twilight was upset to see not just Rarity stranded within a cage, but Rarity looking determined as she used a sewing machine.
The unicorn, surprised, looked around and upon noticing Twilight, frowned. “Oh dear. I didn’t think you’d rescue me so soon.” She bit her lip, looked at her work, and then back to Twilight. “Can you come back in about an hour or so, darling?”
“W-What?!” Twilight gasped, bewildered. “Rarity, what are you—?!”
“It’s over for you, Supernova!” Trixie interrupted with a great and evil laugh. “Now it will be ME who wears fashionably evil costumes, not you! BwahahahaHA!”
“Rarity!” Twilight exclaimed, beside herself with anger. She didn’t actually care about costumes, but she cared about her sidekick doing work for her enemy. “Why are you making her a costume at all?!”
Rarity was already back to work.
“She’s paying me,” she said, nonchalantly. “A lot.”
Twilight stepped back. “What?!” She looked to Trixie, appalled. “You’re paying her?! That’s not evil!”
Her rival nodded solemnly. “Trixie may kill ponies, but Trixie respects the work of self-made artisans.”
“And you accepted her commission?!” Twilight demanded of Rarity.
Rarity shrugged. “Well, darling, it’s not as if you’re paying me, and my reputation as your sidekick isn’t exactly getting me any other type of client.” She turned her sights towards Trixie. “Why don’t we schedule a kidnapping for next week? I’d like for you to use it for a few days to see if we need to make some adjustments.”
“Trixie is bombing banks this week, but she has Thursday afternoon free.”
“Fabulous!”
“RARITY!”
Author's Note
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2. Liar, Liar (ft. Rarity and Twilight)
The unicorn duo sat across from each other, two glasses of flavored soda water in front of them.
“Twilight Sparkle,” said Rarity, not a hint of compassion in her voice, “you are lying to me.”
“I am not,” insisted Twilight. “It was great!”
Rarity raised an eyebrow. “And you’ve done it again. More lying.”
Twilight locked eyes with her marefriend. “Rarity. Please, I’m telling you. I liked it.”
Rarity contemplated her for one, two, three seconds. Her horn glowed, and the glass closest to Twilight inched towards the lavender mare.
“Fine. Finish it, then. All of it.”
“I will!” replied Twilight.
“Do it, then.”
Raspberry magic enveloped the glass and floated towards Twilight’s mouth. “I’m doing it!”
Rarity inched forward, smiling pleasantly. “Less words, more drinking, dear.”
Twilight shot her a glare before bringing the rim of the glass to her lips and, in one swift motion, chugging the drink almost halfway before gagging and spitting it on the table.
“EUGH!”
“AH-HA!” declared Rarity victoriously, right after she’d finished yelping at being spat on. “I knew you lied to me! And so will everypony else at tomorrow’s gala when they realize you asked Pony LaCroix to be the only thing served just because you know it’s Princess Celestia’s favorite drink!”
“I’m sorry! I just—I need everything to go perfectly! And it’s not just her! Every noble likes it, and I don’t GET it! It’s disgusting!”
Rarity gasped, offended. “Excuse you! It’s perfectly delicious, and low-calorie!”
Twilight slammed her hoof on the table. “It’s spicy water, Rarity! Drinking water shouldn’t be spicy! It’s just not right!”
Author's Note
Writing is my full-time job now, so if you like my work and my output, please consider tipping me or subscribing on Ko-Fi so I can continue writing so much! Every little bit helps! c:
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4. Double Date Surprise (ft. RariTwi, AppleDash)
“Geez, I can’t wait to get there,” Rainbow Dash said, leading Applejack, Rarity, and Twilight toward the place she’d chosen for their double date. “I’m starving!” She looked back to her marefriend and two friends. “How are you girls doing?”
“I’m plenty hungry, hun” Applejack said, offering her marefriend a smile. “Where are ya’ taking us again?”
“It’s supposed to be a surprise!” Rainbow exclaimed, sticking her tongue out. “I’m totally going to blow last week’s place out of the water.”
“I thought I picked a nice place,” Twilight murmured, a little offended. Just because they didn’t serve milkshakes didn’t mean it ‘sucked’. She glanced at her own partner and was surprised to find Rarity looking very serious. “Rarity? What’s wrong?”
“I have some concerns over where Rainbow is taking us,” Rarity whispered, her eyes glued to Rainbow. “Rainbow, darling,” she called out. “Are you quite sure we’re going the right way?”
“Yep!” Rainbow called back. “We should be there in, like, a minute! Best place in town for dates, promise!”
Rarity grimaced. “Hrm.”
Twilight couldn’t help but giggle. “Oh, come on, Rares. I’m sure it’ll be fine.”
Rarity didn’t seem convinced, pursing her lips. “You say that, sweetest, but I’ve been here before because of Sweetie and her friends, so unless they built it in one week, there is only one restaurant coming up and it is far from the ideal date place.”
“What is it?”
Before Rarity could answer, however, said restaurant finally appeared on the horizon, much to her gasp, Rarity’s groan, and Applejack’s cleared throat.
There it loomed before them, Ponyville’s premiere fast food joint if you want to feel really bad about what you ate, its taunting golden arches as yellow as the oil with which they fried all their food.
McDonald’s.
“Look at this place!” Rainbow exclaimed, so excited she flew up into the air. “It even has a playground! Dibs on the big slide!”
The three mares watched Rainbow zoom off, after which Rarity politely said, “Everypony in favor of never letting Rainbow pick a restaurant again?”
“Aye,” two voices replied. Immediately.
Author's Note
Writing is my full-time job now, so if you like my work and my output, please consider tipping me or subscribing on Ko-Fi so I can continue writing so much! Every little bit helps! c:
